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Published by: janine marie oraiz on Aug 02, 2011
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The first time for a guy to approach woman during his life, be it a senseless dare or pure admiration, somehow

or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard. I am in similar hypothetical situation. I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not those drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her is angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner. I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago? Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So everything needs to be done today! She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her. Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources! The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it. I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational. Finally our stop came and we got down. She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her

you?' 'I waited for you to come online. so late still never sleep ar?' I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background.was wondering if I. But when he stressed his point. Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!? A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. that nearly sweep me off my feet. well. She turned around. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic. Our relation are like good friends now. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it? It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. I was.' Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. I guess she is gonna skin me alive. but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. I tried learning to be one. 'Just came back from school. Jerry told me to go after her. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable. before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. Her name is Yukiko. I can't let this final chance go by! She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. I am none of the above.. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.. commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local. Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones. as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look.. I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder. Hi. which means snow in Japanese ?like her unblemished skin. I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. I looked back at her for one final time. If my mum knew that I ate in school already.behind.. 'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!' . 'Cloud.. She smiled faintly and gosh. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head. she sent me a message..I. she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. we parted. fair and silky-like. Before I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop. When I came arm length distance from her. Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission.could get to know you and be your friend?? All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue.

you could say that?' 'Then are we fated to know each other. everyone talks about it. I am moody today.' 'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. but hey. Cloud. .I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment. but when it comes to relation. it seemed that the treating trick always works. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem? 'Well. 'Cloud.?' I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer. demanded that I finish the food left for me.?' Fate to me is like a legend. whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them. answer you another time. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner 'Ok! bye bye!' The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer.it's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. I have never gotten myself a girlfriend. Hey. 'If they were meant to be together well. 'Cloud! You are finally here!' .' Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. I am such a dickhead. so I know nuts about it. Grinning from ear to ear.' 'You say wan ar.? What happen?' 'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.' Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. I have go off for now to eat supper. I skip my way to the kitchen. thank God about it. Err. Couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.' 'Come on.' 'Fate. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself. I see you tomorrow ok?' Well. so long. I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. that's a good attempt.' 'Really. my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door. 'Hey. rant about it. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff. Just when I am stuck with her questions.

People. doing stuff together and most importantly. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation. 'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. 'Yah I told her to move on with her life. but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking.' 'Why? Go get one?' . betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness. whatever relation will be bland. 'She cried you know. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for them what. No. it won't lar.' 'y? something is wrong?' Ok baby. I am not late. sexually or physically. so poor thing. I watch TOO much TV. whom you least expected it. this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again. I don't even have a gf. Without it.looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. if I am her.I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along.they WANT someone to walk by them.' A Chinese proverb came into my mind . Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human. Ok I admit. What about you Cloud?' Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self. I will also dunno what the do. 'Cloud.' . after a period of time. They are afraid to be alone . Be it emotionally. but he ignore her.' All woman loves romance. love their lovers. It is like salt and sugar in cooking. then that guy said that he likes another girl. in others. rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room. I will try my best to be with her. 'Me? What about me?' 'What if something like that happens to you?' 'Er.Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. even though are emotional creatures. my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today.' Well. everything will just be a memory of what had taken place. they loved love. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. Really?.' Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman. in their first love. I don't mind being alone . grow together.

its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave.' She is such a poor liar. Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure. Cloud you log off first. no I am not cute. ' From a close defeated battle. signalling to my victory of words.There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph.I can't take advantage of her innocence right? 'Cloud. saying you look worst. You are right Cloud. I want to stay single.' 'Aww. '3. I had never asked about the background of her family or sort. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?' Ok. during these periods of knowing her.' Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen. ok!' My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice.gone!' . they would tell you they look ugly. She is too cute to stay single.' I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.' I have to leave too.'Oh wait.1. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady. untainted and pure. Somehow. 'Cloud. HAHAHAHA!' Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.she is VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me to protect her. its getting late. he retaliate and bites back. such is mentality of a woman. When you praise a girl pretty. but we talk everything else. until the special one comes along too. how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. I have to go already. . to guide her along.Oh yeah. naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her .2. When you say that they look like toilet. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity! Ok. I love the way she is. I don't want you to see me go. 'You make me blushed. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls . that why will also be like that. my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH! Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?' Er. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. 'I girl mah.ok I count to 3 and leave. I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours.

erm. but hey. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later. I waited. I was stoned watching her coming.Plaza Singapura. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit. after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. I can never forget. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date. although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me. Hey. Nevertheless. I am pro huh? HAHAHA! Smiling at my flippant words. I really meant what I said. Gradually. the location we suppose to meet. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway.Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. It makes them looked.' 'It's ok. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent).the smell.' 'Nah. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha. she gain comfort from my company and from chatting. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it. was weird but comprehendible. Woah.' 'So what movie are we watching?. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same. 'Sorry I am late. I did not understand what she was saying. I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer. I sense her presence . I guess it was just something to start conversation. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was 8. especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek. I commented on how gorgeous she looked today. Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will crewed up on that day. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. it grew some laughter in it. she looked so cute. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. not the show. anyway what matter most is who I am watching with. Hiak! .I couldn't get to sleep on that day.' She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. more female. What load of crap! As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me. I am just early myself. we will check it out later.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) . We chatted for a while . totally excited about tomorrow's event. its Ok. we made our way to the Cinema. I simply love girls wearing skirts. more. Life is like soccer. After finishing our drinks.

at the very least she understand the story. What the hell? Well. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura. laughs and emotions and at the end of the show. don't bother about him. that is the real world. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. do you think there are people like that?' Sure. That's why I don't like good-looking guys. I am not good looking . The story is a mixture of hearts. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down 'This driver is always very chatty. without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like. If I say no I am lying to myself. I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes.' I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment. We boarded the bus.' She shaped a smile from her lips.The movie is talking about Hal Larsen. but I love her reply.' My heart screamed another point of victory. Oh man. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty. 'Me?' I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately. 'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?' 'But good-looking guys don't give me security. cute girls like. the same bus 171 where we always take . just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks. of course. I always seen him talking to other passengers.last time you both dunno each other wan right?' It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through. while she giggled uncontrollably. Even though she never really answered my question. which was my first fear. the ultimate shallow guy. I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show. 'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?' THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes. I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good.' 'Why must guys like pretty girls?' I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question.I am decent looking. I think I prefer. I think I am not gonna wash my hair today.'Cloud. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer. the second closest to handsome. I will appear **** shallow. not bad ar. Rosemary. the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her.We recognized the bus driver. 'Boy ar. . you!' My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. 'Well. get to know her liao. 'Don't be silly.

For the next few months. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. when it comes to expressing to HER. I have something to ask you. she took the bus tickets I was holding. Am I in heaven? I have nothing to give you. the woman's men. 'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine. One for you. Noooooooo. But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. Jerry. she told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict .finally she is talking more about herself. I am score an F9 for it. It's ok. Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. Her parents are overseas working. but when is the right time? 'Cloud. not again? 'What do you think of me?. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her. Whatever problems she has.' What do you mean that's all? Oh dear. .Suddenly. peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself. we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love.' Oh no. one for me. she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes. every date has to part eventually right? I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her.. Well. Maybe this is what true love is. so I made this two heart myself.' 'That all?. someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together . I appreciate her effort though .' I nodded and finally relented. Maybe next time I would. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know. said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. leaving her all alone.' Oh ! .I thanked her. after all life is too short to spend on one person. which contribute reasons for her character. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.someone to guide. shield and depend..' I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar. I am in LOVE with TODAY. Look away first!' I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands. I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics.

We went into Mac and sat near the window seats.' My first lie I made to her. I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything. borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. 'Waited long?' 'Only about 5 minutes. this time about 15 minutes earlier. As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension. hiak. . But it was for good cause. with me. I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. I want to let you know that treasure you a lot.' Phew. But regardless of what is it.' I smiled at her consideration for me. where we could look out towards the roadside. I feel bad if you have to wait for me. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?' Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more. Before I could reply with anything. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------I arrived early as usual. that's what TV drama always show.'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you. I can't express it out. I am beginning to learn the trades of using words. again. lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvellous sentence. 'Cloud. she stood in front of me.' 'Ok. waiting for her outside Macdonald patently. the effect of TOO much TV. Maybe she needed a large sum of money. 'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?' 'Yes. but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow. she allow me to go out tomorrow. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?' '/me nodded her head. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product. her nick has quit IRC. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again. but in this short span of time.' Ok I have to go offline now. remember don't be so early ok?. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her. As I looked up.

I told myself never would I forget such day.be it stupid. Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up.simple and sincere. 'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?' We took a taxi down to Marina Bay. I eat anything. just revelling in nature's enjoyment. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. As we had our little 'fighting'. I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me. but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy . Somehow. we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds. Reached in while moment. What you mean?' 'Before those day when you wanted to know me. till now. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing . It is not much.' She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant. I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself 'Cloud. looking at the nightly sky. 2 packets of large fries. why are you so good to me?.' What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well. I should give in. just like two hearts melted in one. I buy for you. Less than an instant. I shall uphold my reputation. We spoke nothing. I am NOT surprised.' Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores. cute. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?. silly. The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back. only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy. dumb or whatever!. but she always responded. . but just nice enough for comfort. I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period.'What do you want. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side. 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. I don't know what was the problem may be. I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me. The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong. 'You are my best friend and appreciated it. But then again. and must be fated that will know each other right?' Fate again. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids.' You eat anything. considering her lovable nature and attractiveness.' I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater.' 'Oh really?.

' I looked at the sky and to me. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me. but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good.' Actually I was wondering why she sobbed. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream. Then she stopped leaning on me. your parents are over there and they worried for you. my gaze never left hers .' The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst. it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. 'Cloud. Can we still contact through IRC?' I was hoping for a small miracle. rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down. all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick. I had to put on a brave front. . its nothing much.it won't block the rain from drenching her. it's going to rain.I have decide not to avoid it. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts . its ok. the merciless weather started pouring heavily. an internal implosion occurred within me. have to go back Japan.The sky is beautiful right?. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea. I. I can't demand her not to leave.' 'Yes of course! I will!.' We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab. is there something wrong?' She kept quiet. My hands formed a tiny. 'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house. and looked into me.. Well. I pray that I will never wake up from it.. little barrier and covers her head. she isn't my girlfriend or something. As if a soldier going for war.' Even though I am fighting inside. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now. in the present moment.' Like a prick on bubbles. 'Why? I will never forget you. but halfway through. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends. but at least I could still talk to her online. the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin. would you remember me?. 'I understand. in my mind. Then. 'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?. I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes.

'3. she opened her eyes. we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok? She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out. Gradually.' She is right. like an awaken baby in the morning. 'When are you leaving then. 'You are so silly Cloud. come. I never turn back to even have my last glance. the scene would be unimaginable. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead. I am suppose to tell you earlier. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers travelled to her cheeks. but I can't bear to. for some reasons.waiting for THAT day.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------Boy ar. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene.' It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room. If she told me earlier. there was shelter to her house. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. we were in the cab pretty drenched. this brave front indestructible. she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair. Well. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness. I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it.Chicken Essence. but if I were to see her off. Pinching lightly to fulfil my long awaited-desire.the cab reached her place and lucky thing. It's terrible! Would you see me off?. After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other.' I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine. By the count of three. I think. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest All good things must come to an end . I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her.' The next thing I knew. bringing me the usual examination brain tonic .2.?' 'Tomorrow.1. rubbing her arms to gain some heat. I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. As I . It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her. reality is extremely cruel . we should just keep this the last meeting then.heaven makes sport of men.' Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko. my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer . there is this robust urge of seeing her every second. again.Then. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder. drink this.' In my heart. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her.

Maybe she lost my number over there.' 'For making me worried and missing you so badly. you shall treat me movie the next time I see you. I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it. but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day. our chats. dinner. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her.' .' There was no respond. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched. how you know it was me?. telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. Boy ar! Your phone!' My phone? At such hours of the night? 'Hello?. I can't use the phone here for very long too. 'Miss me?. For a guy's image. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream? Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. in gentle tone. straws fighting. I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. I can't allow such feelings to overpower me. maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. I don't know why she never contacts me since then.I just wanted to hear her voice so badly. 'Sorry. I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick.' I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!' I emphasised on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. the beach. the movie. for not contacting me and making me so worried for her. but somehow I had this feeling that it was her. hoping that a miracle could happen. I know it already passed midnight.' Actually. Then I scolded her. the unexpected rain. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice. but no she wasn't. I don't mind the duration of her calls . 'How. but I know she has her reasons. literally. Yukiko?? Is that you?' I was praying and gripping the phone hard. the cuddle and every other tiny little details.depart.

' Next sat?. Curiously. a letter for you.' With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. Cloud. Hehz. my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan. examination?. can't talk anymore.today is the last paper. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me. I have been studying non-stop. For the sake of going over. tell me your address?. Dear Cloud. From morning till night. in amidst of studying. HAHAHA! We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. I tear opened and a letter fell out. determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I hurried my revision. doing my revision.' Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!' You put down first Cloud. provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out.?' 'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time.' Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. everything is worth it. that is when?' Maybe 28 May or slightly later. but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.Yeah. My mum says that if I do finish this examination.' I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it. tell me your address. is there anything you want to tell me?. Regardless. I was home. even though little setbacks filled along the way. I will go over right after my examination next sat. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front.I used the same trick again. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would. I don't want you to see me hang up on you. Yeah I will see her soon! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------'Boy ar. I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY! *Days passed* Finally I am close to finishing my examination . although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. 'Cloud. . Before I put down. she would pay for my tickets. Then. I got to go already. like all other days.

if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian. I did looked back. but to me. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. leaving my suffering and of course. you are the best a guy could be. I knew that you are the one. just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I don't like them because I like guys like YOU unique and extraordinary. or I am already in heaven watching over you. not the way you looked. everything you did or said. I guess I did. that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company. as I will always be around you. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are. your advices. if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying . Cloud. leaving this world. it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. but no wrong liking you what right? You told me you rather wait for the special one. Perhaps it is just one sided. because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. and I told you I will also wait for mine. The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. shielding you like what you did. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me. No. You said you are not romantic at all.it would have been you. During the time when I was cuddling in you. at least. I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right? The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfil the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me.Before I began. You may find a girlfriend by then. But do not despair. . Actually I broke the promise. I love you. But then again. In this world. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time. I am feeling a little tired writing this letter. it means that I am already gone. but I am determine to finish what I had to say. to protect me from the rain today. very much. I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail. leaving my physical body. in vain. although you never express yourself to me.

'Nope! She is with me. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat . most of the times. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As expected. at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today . I was at the verge of mental breakdown.27 May.although this could never happen and thinking of it. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. 'Eh boy ar. I should not. like a baby in crossfire. I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to be with her. it arrived. I knew something is happening to me. totally defeated. all the time. I was crying.' . totally confused and helpless. her final days. Since that day. At the very least. I never spoke much because I was hurt. lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling.' I smiled at him and pointed to my heart. like a drama. have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. disappointed and regretted beyond words. why your girlfriend not with you ar?. I should not have delay the trip over. Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made.Yukiko Tears I have been fighting back. I waited for the bus and soon. my results were good. I was rooted to the ground. I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind. Decisions. made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry.

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