THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

Plummer screams. over his head. terrified. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. .) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. I'm gonna get you outta here. When it finally opens. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. PLUMMER How did you know where I. He cuts the Professor's GAG. United States Navy.. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. him his oxygen. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. My way -. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. INT. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the highway option. when I say it... Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. As the water rises. He's gone. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. hauling the Professor up. EXT. One of our SEALS calls out to them. He tries force the door open. but can't get Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Up to his nose.SIMULTANEOUS 4.. to the roof. SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. ON THE DECK . Shane removes his mouth piece. they're almost out of ammo. But you have to do exactly what I say.

Hold on.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. INT. Shane takes a deep breath. pulling the Professor in behind him. He . OCEAN'S SURFACE . clearly he loves this kind of day.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. holding the Professor.. and pulls himself. SHIP'S HOLD . Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. HELICOPTER . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. then disappear gracefully back into the water. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.. EXT. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. SHANE INT. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. 5. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . more!" They do.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. HELICOPTER . terrified. INT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns.

We have to keep moving. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. I'm just not big on chit chat. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. I can't believe you. She thinks I'm dead. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Charles stops Shane. PLUMMER Oh my God. how'd we. thank you. CHARLES Lieutenant. That was the most incredible.. rotors whirling slowly. . CHARLES I'm safe. Lieutenant.beside him. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. the Professor looks terrified..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Not imperative to the mission. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. EXT. waits.. Please... shutting him up.

Tyler. knocked unconscious. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Lulu.. then hands him his satellite phone. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. I do security. DEAD. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY.. The briefcase pops open. Shane considers. you want to see it? Negative. All goes .CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. that's my specialty. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. WHAM.. Shane looks at him. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. puzzled.Charles picks up his briefcase.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. PILOT sits. PAVE HAWK . CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. I'm alive... except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Peter. Todd. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. INT. Charles dials his cell phone.. I have a picture of my kids in here.. back to him.. Shane drops. SHANE We're almost ready.. RUN!!! black. and talks. Designed it myself.couldn't crack it. Charles dials. It's voice activated.

He looks around. unassuming.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. He sees Charles. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. despondent. I know sir. Everything is ablaze.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Captain. He takes a long look at Shane.. as the chopper ignites. in slow-motion.O. Bill sits down beside the bed. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. sir. EXT. Shane reaches out. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. His arm and face bandaged.: Everything is a blur. A Huey Helicopter lands. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . SHANE . but he does it anyway. HOSPITAL . PAVE HAWK . F ADE TO BLACK: EST.. He holds a REPORT in his hand. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. and takes Charles' Briefcase. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. You're the best man I ever trained. HOSPITAL . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. barely conscious. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. SHANE'S hurts to salute. And a good friend.V.friendly. unconscious. There is huge explosion. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.7.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.

I. Bill considers this. SHANE The case was empty sir.T. as I stated in my report. disconnects an IV. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. appreciate your confidence.. I'm gonna need the mini sub. Invigorated. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. . Then. He pulls up a chair. and sits opposite Shane. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. Thank you. He called it G. really. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. G. is still out there. disappointed. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them...S. BILL Not a surprise. and starts to rise.H.O. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Shane sits up.. Bill shakes his head.a genius.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. 8. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. He can't believe his good fortune. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.O.T.S..H..SHANE He had to call his family. SHANE Sir... It's not that kind of mission. BILL . One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. he pulls off bandages.

Either way. Not even when I was a kid sir. sir.. Shane is shocked. I should go. maybe it isn't.O.. Maybe it is. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. I'll call you in an hour.NIGHT . I'm alive. He's a good man. She told me someone had broken into her home. It's just that. Whoever killed the professor must think G. SHANE'S APARTMENT .Shane listens. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. CUT TO: INT. BILL The professor's wife requested you. CHARLES (O. Widow. top to bottom.. I love you. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. and protect them..if anything happens to me.H.. Searched the place. Shane is surprised. (MORE) 9. The family's scared. presses play. I got a call from the professor's wife.S. I need someone to stay at that house. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. anyway.. is in that house. intrigued. Shane Wolfe. I've never been very good with kids..S.) Honey. hearing the dead man's voice.. sir. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. call Lt.T. BILL ..

He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. also identical to the one he wears. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He looks at for a moment. Shane looks down -. 8. peering up at him.V. EMALE VOICE (o.and sees LULU. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Hm.Shane packs his duffel bag. camouflage vest. The sprinklers go off. ready for anything. Shane looks like a bad ass. SUBURBAN STREET .: Julie's unkempt suburban house. and pulls out a small. EXT. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. . then goes back to his it chest of drawers. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. Shane frowns. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. they all go in.then the door swings open.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. night vision goggles. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). Lulu eyes Shane. Shane heads to the door. He reaches in. we're not interested. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.O. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass.. 10. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. identical to the one he wears.. It SQUEAKS. He rejects it. Shane eyes Lulu. machete. with toys all over the lawn. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.. Shane's P.. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.s. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. Shane double-checks the address.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. entersJULIE I'll be there. We slowly pull out. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.) Julie. through the kitchen window. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. 14.the family eats dinner. LIVING ROOM . INT. with her suitcase. Through the window. I think it could contain GHOST. INT.) There's a catch. Julie casually answers it. JULIE That's wonderful.s. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . listening to the conversation. Helga will . Julie and Shane share a look.Nighttime -.MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Shane.. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.s.. The phone RINGS inside.s. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.. I have some potentially good news. it's Bill Fawcett. This could all be over! BILL (o. Swiss law says only his family can access it. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.NIGHT Shane. BILL (o.

I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. H S ..we'll be fine.. do it. I am a mom. I'll be back in 48 hours. I'm gonna miss you. ZOE Mom -. Helga will take care of everything else. chill.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. it's just.. I love you guys.. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. No. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.handle everything. it's my job to worry. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency... And guys. Plummer. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Mrs. SHANE Don't worry. And on the back door.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. And on the phone. are you licensed to kill? . whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. HELGA Everything will be fine. . They'll be safe with me.

5.. INT.. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. on a short ladder. He shuts off the - .. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . pouring in Cheerios. I make bottle.NIGHT hane rushes in -. Shane turns off the light. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. INT. Shane heads down the hall. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler..s. Immediately. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.. You do something. SHANE (CONT'D) .. when in the corner of his eye -. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Shane shakes his head. elga stomps out. can't find him. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Gary suddenly FLIES by .NIGHT Shane.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . looks around for the CRYING BABY.WHRRP! Shane ducks.

jumps onto the trampoline. They both tumble to the ground.BACK YARD . He's dazed.. calling out from across the street.window alarm and sneaks out silently. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. house like a marionette. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. ZOE He's my boyfriend. EXT.. runs off. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. 16. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. PLUMMER HOUSE .go back inside. tool. Shane runs. ZOE Okay. I'll call you. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. . come on Scott.. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. SHANE Not with this kid.. Zoe! . SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. S COTT . but alright. fine. Zoe -. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.

. CHUN Thanks a bunch. so we're up kind of early. SHANE MRS. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. MR. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane stands there. Oh. MR. CHUN . We had an intruder. fuming. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Sorry. pop their heads out.NIGHT . A simple misunderstanding. I INT. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.. Shane's about to head inside.. we own a bakery.Zoe storms inside.. THE CHUNS. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. SHANE My apologies. The alarm stops. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Look. Oh. The Alarm's still blaring. They're arguing with each other in Korean. no accent) We speak English. Kojak. CHUN (perfect English. and we found this in our pool filter. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket.. Shane addresses them.

S W 1 8. Zoe falls backwards into the room.) sing). She has to hop on one foot. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. lower than the dad? Zoe starts to turn -. . He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Shane flips her foot in the air.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. You should have told her the truth. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. continues down the hall.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. ZOE Who do you think you are -. Shane marches back down the hall. Loud. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. SHANE Not anymore. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.s. Bite me! Shane frowns. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. to not fall over. Shane shuts her door.

Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. just like the crabs do. one step back. to their beds. Shane shakes his head. Three steps forward. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. She does. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. in bed -. Then jumps up. T Z Z T 19. then "crab-walks" sideways. PLUMMER HOUSE . he wriggles on the floor. and do the Peter Panda Dance.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. EXT. warm orange light.laugh and laugh. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. HOUSE . . INT. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. In the bedrooms.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. Peter in his bed. The Children.groove.

Helga runs through in hair curlers. TODD'S ROOM . HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. You're insane.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.MORNING Todd sits up.odd is out cold. Todd blinks groggily. motionless. INT. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Move. half-asleep and angry. oe is wrapped in blankets. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. ODD It's Sunday. Not in front of the kids. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. L Move. Suddenly his door flies open -.. carrying the crying baby. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. HALLWAY . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor.. like she's been electrocuted.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. not understanding what's happening. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. 20 .m.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Covering their ears. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. disoriented. S .

in Romanian. HELGA (She curses Again. No highway option. .LATER The children are assembled. INT. Your behavior is unacceptable. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks you.) Shane's jaw drops. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. KITCHEN . At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.. L 21. shocked. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. sucking on a bottle. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.. lined up tallest to shortest.. LULU ("copying" him) I said you.he gives him a look of disbelief. ladies..

Shane bangs hard on better be dying.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. or you're dead.(pointing) Red 1. He yells at her. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. he's furious. Everyone cracks up. End of chain..and you do it. Everyone stares blankly -. So you are -.. wait. Touch that -. Red 2. Angry. Now that I know I can't trust you. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Never take them off. but it's locked. He tries the knob. Shane bounds up the stairs. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. INT. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. S ULU (CONT'D) . UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . P eter farted. SHANE Tracking devices. ZOE He's in his room.. I tell you what to do -. ZOE I am not wearing that..Shane starts to speak then thinks better. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Shane tries to maintain decorum. where's the older male? There were five.a tense silence. Red baby. The panic button is only for emergencies. Red Leader. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works.

this wouldn't have happened. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. the destroyed door and wall. and Todd comes sauntering back. The entire frame collapses. Todd nods in agreement. INT.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. I can fix this. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. then CRASHES inward. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. HALLWAY .. INT.. Zoe comes up the stairs.. hits Shane on the head. patrolling. If you'd been wearing it.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. INT. Down the hall -. Oops.LATER ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE ..they glare at Shane. A piece of the ceiling falls. and head down the hall. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.MORNING .22.a FLUSH. Shane steps aside. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. She stops at Todd's door -. to her room. He has to go. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. He sees Shane.

PAPERBOY (O. Really? His eyes light up. to see that Peter is chasing her. he hears something suspicious -.S. His head shifts. He pretends to be a ghost. clicks his alarm remote opens it.the rumble of a car approaching. I don't know. wearing a towel as a sheet.LATER .) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Peter Booos again. Peter! screams. Shane turns. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. L S 23. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. INT. Daddy even said so. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.WHACK -. HALLWAY . Lulu SHANE Hey. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. And then it hits Shane. He rushes for the front door. LULU This house is haunted. hard. Lulu hides behind Shane. He said there's a ghost.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. hey. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. just as -.

Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. then turns his attention to his laptop. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.Shane walks slowly down the hall. T IGHT . They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.. He RAPS again.. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.. all the way down. Nothing. ZOE Here he comes. Then -.a creak. MR. carrying a huge laundry basket. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. pushing. BANGING her head and ass on each step.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.. as laundry flutters down from above. When he hears an alert from his laptop.ZOE AND TODD . 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. scanning the ceiling. Zoe whispers. Searching. I INT.. F . He goes back to the living room. inally. listening for hollow spaces. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. She screams. Shane scans it. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. STAIRWAY .. appears. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. feeling.

Then looks back to the paperwork. 25. then licks his finger to turn the page. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. terrified. BANKER Marcel! out. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. Bill can't stand it anymore.DAY Bill and Julie. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. It's taking him a LONG time.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. ZOE Uh-oh. EXT. He jumps to his feet.They gulp. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. mouthing along in FRENCH. If we can't get some faster service. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. Not in Switzerland. The Banker looks at him blankly. this is an urgent matter. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. I can't. They wait patiently -. He feebly gets up. we're going to have to file a complaint. but can't get the page to turn. SWISS BANK . SWISS BANK .DAY Establishing. . sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He licks his finger again. INT. He seems to be about 100 years old. looking jet-lagged.

you will have access to the box tout-suite. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. RING! Amid the chaos. remain calm -- 26. QUACKING. Shane moves for the phone.Shane tries to block her path. Peter's in the aquarium. As she tries to wrestle it away. PLUMMER HOUSE . I QUIT.SAME TIME Helga.Another Banker. How long is that? INT. Oui. He DRAGS her back. Shane picks up the receiver. Suddenly. and Helga dashes for the door. The suitcase handle breaks off. heads to the door -. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. HELGA I am calm. SHANE (CONT'D) . suitcases in hand. grabbing her foot. But I can tell you -. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. He grabs her suitcase. enters. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. JULIE Thank you. Shane dives. As soon as your background checks clear. the chief does not speak English. The duck flies around. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. MARCEL.

. Duty. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab.everything's fine. Plummer. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . and Shane falls back. that landed on a diaper. against the counter. CRUNCH. Just doing my. Mrs. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. He picks up his hand. (covering the phone. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Helga struggles to get him off. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.. Mrs.Helga falls forwards. 27. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. HOUSE .. Shane hangs up the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.Ah. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Shane lets go. Shane body-checks it closed. Plummer. EXT..

Helga glares back. ANGLE . ANGLE . dumbfounded. if she loves you.. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. HOUSE . There's been a change of plans.SHANE Rises. in the rear window. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. defeated. SHANE Okay.Helga jumps in the cab. Then -. she'll come back. to find the kids are all gloomy. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. . He drops his head. In the meantime. INT. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. takes a deep breath and strides inside... SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day..SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. listen up. baby cries.he slowly glances up. The 28. we're just gonna have some more big fun. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up.

INT. And then -.SHANE He gulps. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER.. Pure self-preservation. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. holding his nose.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. nice moment. inundated. SShane GROANS. everyone bolts from the room. he cautiously unfastens the diaper.. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. . SHANE Whoa. takes a deep breath. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. repelled. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. CLOSE-UP . holding out the Baby at full arm's length. your enthusiasm. Nobody will help. Using the tools as chopsticks.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. I'm Navy. Only then can we rise to the challenge. All for one. HEY! Even Peter runs. BATHROOM . and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Until -. flops open.

SHANE (unsure how to respond. 30. . Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. like a puppy. he looks around for a solution. Aghast. Lulu follows at his heels.SHANE The things I do for my country. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Lulu is in her pj's. Shane tries approaching -. he looks down to see Lulu. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU Hi.. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. She follows.) Thank you. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. INT. HALLWAY . LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. she just stares at him. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. I think you're cute. then FLUSHES..he can't do it. over and over and over.

Shane walks room to room.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.BREAKFAST . pulling down the shades on every window. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in." dubious. INT. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. like he's an idiot. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. . On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Lulu looks at him. The Kids stare at "breakfast. all the kids asleep. in beddibye land. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. proud of his accomplishment. little girl. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. I can get lots more of those. Shane smiles. 31. All the lights are out. and patrols. KITCHEN . and shuts off her light. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. The kids sit down at their designated spots. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't's time for you take a nappypoo. Shane breathes a sigh of relief.

We're gonna pull together.. if I say out.. then at Tyler -. (then:) Yes. you go out.. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. Shane sighs. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. trying to hear over the screaming. So not here to take care of you now. . Peter starts bawling.. If I say in. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Your mama -.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at's how it's gonna be. ZOE He's only two. ladies... I don't have any idea what you're talking about. one for all. Shane turns to Lulu. He runs away. LULU ... you stay in. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. Wanna see? Negative.. I can cross my eyes. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. all for one. Peter stands in his chair. And the phone rings.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. too. crying. Shane answers.. dancing. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.

SHANE Not on my watch.a death defying. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . you and Todd are expelled.. EXT." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Oh. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . perfect parallel park. GARAGE . Zoe smiles at him.M. He hangs up. With your . The Minivan skids completely sideways. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. I know it's Monday. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.. GARAGE .9:29 A.. backwards at sixty m. dramatically unveiling Shane. sir. INT.. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. yes. Shane fumbles with it for a while... It just doesn't add up.h.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. He said if you're late again. and at that . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. It hits ZERO. He wants to see you in his office. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.. INT. Thank you. Across his chest. EXT. legal guardian. LULU We're gonna be late.p. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. innocently. into a TINY parking spot -. A big suburban school.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens.

Out of twenty-three. Lieutenant. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. too. as he plays on the floor. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). mortified. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. V. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. tough. I'm Murphy. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. He withers. . son? SHANE Wolfe. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Murney is unimpressed. The Kids are seated around him. He glares at Shane.moment. conduct and truancy. Murney is furious. She's attractive. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. I coach wrestling. He's HUGE and mean.P in charge of discipline. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Plummer finally listened. Shane. Top to bottom. They're the worst students in my school. You're in my house now. K thru 12. The Kids crack up. Duane.. assured. they needed a parole officer. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Well. Looks like Mrs. whatever work you can get. boy.. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. holding Peter on a harness. a few days.

I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. What are you doing in my office. He exits. Mrs. Claire sees this -. Red 2. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Good. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. BELL rings. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. Shane checks his TRACKER -. SHANE Red 1. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. (then. impressed. 34.Good morning kids. The opens the door for Murney.. staring him up and down. I think I can handle this from here.two little red DOTS move away. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . She told me all about you. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. The teens hustle off to their classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Get moving.. that as vice principal. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. You see. Plummer.. fuming. Plummer called my captain. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. I am in charge of. as he casually holds the three kids.and suddenly reacts. Lieutenant..

Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.. SHANE "Honor. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Just try not to frighten the children.... She lifts her pants leg. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Welcome aboard. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. The 35. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Courage.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. dead serious. That's the way I live my life..MID-MORNING seeShane.. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. SHANE Can't be too careful. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. So.(Shane nods.. Claire looks nervously around. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. SHANE . (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. to balance Shane. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Service paid for my college. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. and the way I run my school. On the spot.

BINOCULARS P. Save us both a world of pain. Todd. does the same. He checks his tracking device. Beside Shane. Official Business. delighted. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. yanks his hood over his head. Lulu sees Shane and waves. SHANE Give up now.V. with stern intensity.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. sitting in the back row of a class. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.V... Shane closes the computer. two. like a tether ball. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. . Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. turns her back to him embarrassed. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.Clean as a whistle.O. Now -. INT. picks up a pair of binoculars. Todd. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. 36 . in Shane puts down his binoculars.. Black Hawk coming in.O. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. one.last time: Open the hanger. in line to get lunch. Zoe. He turns to the person front of him.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. CAFETERIA .

Claire smiles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Sure. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. you know. When you agreed to serve your country. He yanks Tyler away from him..but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Mr.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. SHANE Hey -.but you're pretty good at this. (she toasts.Tyler gurgles. Principal Claire smiles. not so dry where you're sitting. 37. huh? Shane gives her a look. Can I call you Shane? . Tyler laughs. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. man. Seriously.. Shane sighs. you don't.) Shane. ignoring him. I'm impressed... A whole day. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. lieutenant. Oh. . Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. with milk. I guess.I out rank you. (she looks at his chair) Well. You're on dry land..

unusual. next week's tournament is off. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him.. VP Murney is watching.That's.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring... Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. impressed. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. cheering. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. the crowd freezes. LUNCH-LINE . MURNEY The kid's mixed up. As soon as they see the Principal. (Todd) 38.. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. INT. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Zoe. I don't care who starts it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. but not stopping it. in the crowd. MURNEY He did. MURNEY You heard the lady. and "punches fists" with him. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Murney smirks. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. Personally . Look at him.

Murney.. sir. Sorry. Nice moves. sticking the landing. That's right. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. He'd kill you so fast. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a control. Don't even think it. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. SHANE .. I forgot you had to baby-sit. 39 . man..Todd lands on his feet. Maybe some other time then. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . I'm on duty. the crowd breaks up. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Boys'll be boys. ..I think that's a little harsh. Maybe you could stop by practice. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. yeah. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.. what do you say? Come on. Murney approaches Shane. MURNEY Oh.I'm a black belt myself. Frogman -. SHANE . MURNEY Pretty slick. promise I'll go easy on you. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Todd lunges at him. (low. stopping an inch from Shane's head. The Bell rings. flinch.

. Not my job. minus taxes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Just then. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Have fun. SHANE Oh -. Tyler is crying. Lt. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. another dollar twenty. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. The Principal strolls up. doing a shoulder roll... following his tracking device. He bursts though it. Bathroom's down the hall.INT. Roger that.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. SCHOOL HALLWAY . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Panicked. 40. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM ..CONTINUOUS .. Then Shane smells what she means -.change him. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Shane recoils in disgust. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.. But. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Emergency! SHANE INT. INT.Tyler's diaper is full. It leads him to a door. and not cry. as he keeps watch. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . holding Tyler out like a grenade. for one who'll eat. Uh.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.

HALLWAY . He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. Shane lands in fight stance -. Shane is furious. with the Panic Button in her hand. Shane makes a right. At that moment. racing down the road ahead of Shane. EXT.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. through the fence. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Lulu is in front of the class. almost tipping the minivan. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor.the Class applauds. I INT. Thanks. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. He speeds away after them. EXT.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He leaps out of the minivan. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He hands her to the Principal. CONSTRUCTION SITE . BUSY INTERSECTION . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. are heading away from the school fast. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He blasts through a red light. SHANE EXT. They make a sharp right.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . 41. EXT.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .

and charges through. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. Shane pries off the manhole cover.LIVING ROOM .It's dark and dank. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. INT.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. and the sound of OMINOUS. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. ANGLE . INT. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. they hear the front door open. Three Workers rush him. He winces. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. Shane trudges through the river of muck. Shane easily takes them out.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Shane lowers himself down.then gasps -. He takes a deep breath and dives under. It's horrific.the DOTS are CLOSE.then RUN. feet away. you're about to get a beat down. From outside. No sweat. He catches his breath. all brandishing tools. PLUMMER HOUSE .section. IN THE MANHOLE . CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. then checks his tracker. SQUISHY footsteps.SHANE He's alone. SEWER . . then checks the tracker -.

Covering her nose. Everyone gasps. KITCHEN . The Cop leaves. The Cop turns to Shane.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. revealing Shane..Then the door swings open. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. If you need anymore help. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Zoe checks him out as he goes. with a smirk. BACK YARD . BATHROOM . CUTE COP 14 year old Male. The Cop looks at them. thank you. . CLAIRE I should probably get going then. . 16 year old female. Ditto.b... CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. 43 INT.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. he doesn't say anything. INT. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. weird hair. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Zoe fixes her hair. looking like a Swamp Creature. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. INT..LATER Shane is in the shower. Todd stiffens. use our nonemergency number. She practically GAGS as she passes him. then covers their noses.. Call. The smell is BAD.p.

Monday. (whispers:) Come on. If we don't sell enough cookies. pulling Lulu after him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .Shane enters. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. close to tears. 4. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. INT. Mom's our den mother. cringing in disgust. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. in just a towel.all junk food.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. they're staring at him. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. LULU We have to. LULU I can't.. we can't go the Jamboree. They won't be home `til ten. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.a dozen little girls in uniforms. You gotta help me out. FAMILY ROOM .S. and whistle. Lulu starts to sniffle. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.) Get rid of them. The Brownies applaud. And it's not like I have any other friends. it's Monday. They already think I'm a loser. He looks at it. Shane. SHANE (O. 4 . He sees on the fridge.

INT. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. at attention.. He's not just locking them -. SHANE Alright.. Here's how it's gonna be. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.Lulu's about to burst into tears. Shane sighs.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. unpacking boxes of cookies. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. back in "uniform. do as I say. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. BROWNIE Den Mother? . I'm gonna be your den -commander.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. getting ready to go. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. INT. ZOE .. LIVING ROOM . INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM ." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Zoe's on the phone. ladies. I'm scared of you. Now -. the other to his back. Shane blows passed her.. then drills it into place.wait here. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. They are assembled.. he's a total psycho. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. Indian Style.MOMENTS LATER Shane. KITCHEN . . yeah.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Tonight. SHANE Good. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.

. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Scott. I can see you through the window. hits speed-dial. SHANE I gotta get supplies. NOTHING looks familiar -. DRIVEWAY . nuts?" EXT. GROCERY STORE .. No. He looks around at the bright. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. it's like Oz or something.nothing even looks like food.... ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. ZOE .MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. EXT. I dunno if that's a good idea.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. but if anything happens. GROCERY STORE .. the camera CRANES up to. (she listens:) Hm... INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He sees: a huge.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. he's got us on lock-down.. Tyler looks at him -. but they're ..PARKING LOT . Zoe picks up the phone.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.5."what are you. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. 4 EXT. Snack packs. GROCERY STORE . EXT. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.. as he pushes a cart into the store. He smiles. GROCERY STORE .

and lets her go. you Skeever? .. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . but can't get away.. One The Brownies take off running. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. I haven't seen anybody. The Cub Scouts high-five.. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. . before I get my face punching badge on you. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. One of the Brownies spots something. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone.she tugs and tugs. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. they're back. EXT. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT.noticing very shy.. menacingly. GROCERY STORE . UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. chubby CUB SCOUTS. He rips it open.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. He laughs. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.. clutching their boxes. Finally.

Around his neck. and points at Lulu's Panic button. we're going home. He heads toward the Scouts. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. The Brownies scream. Cheese MANAGER. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. I'm here to protect you. EXT. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. Where? SHANE INT. you're supposed to take us to dinner. He firmly tells Lulu.22's. He bends down. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Shane's monitor starts beeping.A LITTLE LATER . trembling. CHEESE . He wears .I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. The Brownies are huddled behind it.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.2ND SCOUT Nope. PARKING LOT . Not cookies. CHUCK E. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. 47. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. Get in the car.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E.

this much cyanide. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. . This much The Manager laughs. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.braces and head-gear. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.. On stage. playing video games and ball. The Manager approaches Shane. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. A LITTLE LATER: 48. the Chuck E. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. Shane's watching Peter.. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. which causes him to lisp. Cheese! Wider reveals.... LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. Lulu approaches. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. skee Brownies are running around.CHAOS.

stretches. The second round starts. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. spins her.. He steps up to the machine. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . He checks over his shoulder -. SHANE That's not fair. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu picks a small female character. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Shane even get one punch in -. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Then he a joy stick. He's really mad. LULU The Hulk can. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. . then cracks her in half over his knee.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane is taking it really seriously. He cracks his knuckles. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. My joystick's broken. I thought you liked combat. then kicks him in the face.. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. and then a kick in the face.LULU I pressed two player. Round three starts. Unless you're scared. They begin.she pins him to the ground. kneels on his head.

CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. leaving the sizzling machine. LULU Too slow. it's my job to worry.. He and the Brownies sneak away. come on -. 50.. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE Mom -.LIVING ROOM .. It's really annoying. oops too slow. INT. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. LULU You're not even trying.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.. swing and a miss. Sparks fly. She keeps dancing. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. Shane's working the joy stick hard. dancing.. jumping.. swinging and missing. the Zhouse is quiet. its joystick dangling by its wires. He is KO'd.. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING... She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. but he can't hit her....stop worrying. HOTEL ROOM . Lulu's having fun now. Shane's really fuming.take a shot.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. slamming buttons. ZOE . while he pounds the buttons.

The Plummer House: . who doesn't seem concerned at all. . ZOE Dude. EXT. I love you. PLUMMER HOUSE . not cool.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. And the folks who read my BLOG.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. INT. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. Don't worry. kids everywhere. 51. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. VARIOUS SHOTS .in my cell. everything's cool. The guy's just a control freak. ZOE I know. She turns to Scott. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling.Seriously. ZOE Dude. MALL PARKING LOT . loads Brownies into the minivan. counting them. Zoe rolls her eyes.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. I hate leaving you.. we're okay. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps.LIVING ROOM . this is outta hand. up. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. but you know I have to do this. JULIE It's only a few more days.

He charges across the room with the diaper.. Suddenly.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.. MANAGER Relax. He's still down there. INT. move! Go go! EXT. to leave a man behind like that. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA..Move. The Manager is watching him. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SHANE . He holds his breath.not okay. We see what he forgot: PETER. Shane grimaces. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. Not okay.they almost always do. Whoa.. Silence. move. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.LATER . the Brownies follow. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. CHEESE .. CHUCK E.. gasping. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. freestyling in the ball pool -. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. SUBURBAN ROAD . SHANE Inexcusable. He disappears under the balls -. out away from him. and goes down for the diaper. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. S 52. He's holding the diaper. is fine. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. again.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.for a long time.

Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. scared.then CRUSHES the ball. making out. Outraged. Party's over. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. Now. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. jocks throwing footballs. peeing in the bushes. EXT.. Peter and Tyler up the path.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch...then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Shane snatches it mid-air -. we're gonna do this . vents. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.. Reeling.. CLUB lock off the door. then RUN.and groans in disbelief. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. at a full run. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. trying to understand. a total wreck. windows. He gets out -. PLUMMER HOUSE .until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. 53. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -..J. chugging drinks. Shane takes Lulu. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. Scott.KITCHEN . POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. as he pulls up in the Minivan. INT.'s turntables. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.

Shane goes over them. Miserable TEENS scrub. mopping... labeled with a Sharpie. Clean. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. They see Shane find the CD. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. PLOP. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.CONTINUOUS . SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. He holds it up to a KID. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling.. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . INT. Scott gulps . INT. He hands Scott the mop.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch.then he notices something. It reads: highway way -. and walk out of sight. In a bathroom. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. in Playtex gloves. ladies. straightening -. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. Oh my god. as kids clean.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. he takes it off. trying to maintain his dignity. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Shane's eyes narrow. PLUMMER HOUSE .. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.. residue. CUT EXT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . He fumes. He lifts the sofa. furiously clean. Scott and Zoe.

. ueasy. Shane stands. CUT TO: EXT.. Zoe gets up. PLUMMER HOUSE . outside the bathroom door. Todd picks her up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. sits down. They show no respect for you or your house.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Shane . you hate us. My friends will never come here again.into the bathroom. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. and screams in Shane's face. ZOE . helpless. You're like a robot. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. shaky and furious. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. downstairs! He walks down the hall.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.. Rambo. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Zoe blows past him -. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Thanks a lot.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Lulu's crying.. Because you have no respect for yourself. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. PLUMMER HOUSE . Lulu and Todd step into the hall. where she throws up. He heads upstairs. After a beat. Zpounding on doors. INT. ZOE I do too respect myself. furniture polished. Scott's the last one to leave. she pukes again. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. (Announces:) Company.

Red 1.hand it over! staffs. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. pounding him with their . Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. SHANE Puberty. as soon as your mom comes back. fiercely -.55. Suddenly.. They leap down after him. Shane spins in fight-stance. SHANE You're right. talking doesn't do any good.. Don't worry. I'm not the man for this job. NINJA GHOST -. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.they're good.. tired) It's Scott. Not even from the enemy. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. I'm gone. Go to your rooms. The Ninjas attack. close-quarters and fast.. Suddenly -. He goes down. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.the three fight. Wielding with great skill. all in black BURST in through the window. TWO NINJAS. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs..the power goes out.

it makes a silly thunk.then the Ninjas charge. Shane fends the Ninjas off. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. WHACK.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. blinding him. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.. several FURBIES hit the floor. toys fly. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. Shane crashes down. and grabs it. facing them. and flings them all over the floor. With his foot. The Ninjas move towards him -.. and uses them both to fend off blows. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. SHANE Okay -.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. a squeezes . He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. . He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.. 56 INT.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. They step back. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. fiercely. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. avoiding Legos. PLAYROOM . It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.. He pulls the string.knocking him into.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane runs to the changing table.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. he hits a Ninja in the head.

POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE Shhh.. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Shane isn't sure what to do.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up..then the door creaks open. SHANE It's safe.. Shane approaches Zoe's door. He sprays it in Shane's face.SHANE 57. Kids.. INT.. disappointed to have lost them. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He hugs them. He A long pause -. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Shane bangs the window sill. You can open up. . even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. bawling. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. He runs to the broken window.. fearful. The cloud dissipates. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. ANGLE . Todd and Zoe enter. and Shane sees he's now alone. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.. It's okay. Then. that your father invented. terrified. quietly knocks. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.. blinded.. He really hugs them.. He squints. HALLWAY .

it's been a long night. Then. He looks Zoe. too. CLOSE-UP . He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. INT. From now on." And then. They want this.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Soon. you listen to me. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Zoe answers it.. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. "Unchained Melody.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. all smiles.a long pause. startled. LIVING ROOM . Shane is furious -.. The kids shudder. as long as I'm here.. Shane offers his hand to shake. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. absolutely nothing pottery .. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. And I'm not going anywhere. eye to eye. and do what I say. Deal? Truce -. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. I'll listen to you too. Then..okay? Zoe and Todd nod. But nothing's gonna happen to you. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. the other kids join in. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. 58. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.they all jump. SHANE They're not after you. They hug him tighter. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.. They shake -.then they hug him. relieved.

They're gone. HOTEL ROOM . JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. Don't worry -. SHANE Mrs. They were looking for GHOST..CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Nope.happened you should worry's okay. SHANE No . Shane takes the phone.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.. INTERCUT: INT. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. She holds up the strange. We just don't know what its for. You have any luck? JULIE Well.. metal two pronged KEY. everyone's fine.. We found something in the box. It looks like some kind of "key".we'll be just fine. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.. SHANE (very genuine) .MORNING Early morning. EXT. Plummer. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. yes and no. but they didn't find it. The minivan pulls up. But we're not sure what it is. SCHOOL .. students run in to school. . two men tried to get into the house tonight. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. and Shane emerges with the five kids.

Murney stands. An obstacle course with cones. Principal Claire next to him. They look concerned. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . "yeah. who sits in the back. SCREAMING. Zoe sits in a folding chair. squashed at a little desk. ANGLE on Lulu. He is gesticulating. SHANE Don't worry. MURNEY . I know it's good. HITS the gas.. Peter 60 She smiles. mortified. shaking his head. Lulu's classmates all chant. ANGLE on Shane. she wrecked a driver's Ed. Shane nods. and smiles at Shane. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym.she'll pay for the damage. THE GYM .INT. Shane stands off to the side.. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. then BRAKES. then BRAKES. egg in some purple dye. So. He dips an INT.. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan." Then. reacting each time she HITS the gas. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.. car -. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). . LULU'S CLASSROOM . LULU'S CLASSROOM .MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. sunglasses on. a crazed TEACHER next to her.DAY Driver's Ed. EXT. making a mess of an egg.

what's going on. but -.. No. giving him a "skinhead" look. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. Murney calls into the hallway. Shane scowls. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it..yes. and Shane walks them out. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. He does always miss sixth period. Todd and Zoe stand to go.That? Lady drivers. (pulls Shane aside.) See if you can talk to the boy. it's not that -. boys will be boys -. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.I'm a bit concerned. .. 61. Todd enters.... what do you expect. But this. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. I was doing a little recon in his locker. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.but this is just sick.. Shane gives Zoe a look... Zoe shrugs. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. And that's not all. SHANE He's not a NAZI. and I'm not sure what to's the boy. Shane stops.

Shane trips forwards to his knees. I promise I won't hurt you. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Without warning. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM.. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. kicking him in the BACK. we'll give these boys a treat. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. and leaves.. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . and Murney chases after him. SHANE Another time. huh? (Shane ignores him. Kung team: Shane walks away. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. and keeps walking. Shane. maybe. as he passes. MURNEY You're a good man. 62.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. stretching. I'll show you a couple moves. SHANE I'll talk to him. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Murney laughs. and leaps at Shane.that whole family's no good. if you ask me. Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY It's a date then.

peering out her window. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE Smart kid. but instead he takes a deep breath. Murney his head. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. He sees Zoe.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. do your homework.. EXT. preheat the oven. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. On the corner. with a flowered basket. Nothing. PLUMMER HOUSE . but he . It's pink. keeping the contact. He enters. Todd runs towards the house. running around the corner. and leaves. INT. The window is wide open. It looks like Shane might fight. SHANE Wait Todd. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. It's small for him. and snickers to his Team. you're in charge.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. He starts to shut the window. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Keep all doors sealed. I want to talk to you. Shane hops out the window. so the alarm didn't go off. TODD'S ROOM . he can see Todd. Shane looks out the window -..far down the block. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane screws the window shut. signal me. Shane parks. Shane holds Todd back by the arm.shakes Shane turns back.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

Shane shakes his head... LIESL We don't have a director. SHANE COMPANY -. Todd looks devastated -. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.. BEAT. Todd looks up at Shane. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. or not? Everyone nods. Shane straightens up. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. show's off.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around... they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Shane's glare.What if.. Chicks dig guys who can dance. TODD .. girls'll think I'm. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.. Shane looks at the Cast. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. He smiles.... they quickly assemble on stage. weird or something? 66 ..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. it's over.. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Liesl chimes in. they're not sure what to do.

UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane exits. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. He turns out the light... ZOE . SHANE Okay.LATER . It's stupid..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. YES WHAT? SHANE .What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. BREAKING something.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. I don't know why I let it get to me. I know it's no big deal.. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. No wait! ..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. I promise. SHANE . angrily. another girl picked up the phone. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. Scott. LULU'S ROOM . He peeks in -. I called him in his room.. INT.. He hears Zoe in her room.. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. furious. I won't touch him.Yes.

. the little Elf family -. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. He sits on the bed. The elves had to go in and take it out.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Once there was a family of Elves. Shane looks at her surprised. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. facility. So -they waited for cloud cover.. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. I 6 . and they came in from the north. Let's see. ULU Tell me a story.. Went into the magic forest. To find a secret gnome. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into... Uranium. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. on Lulu's floor. As Shane finishes the story. three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. setting up the scene with DOLLS. he illustrates. (MORE) T S L 8..Uh.

. TODD You have to do the dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. TODD I'll write it down for you.. S 69... Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Then. NURSERY ..Rodriquez.. Even. or he won't stop. Todd calls from the doorway. head in the door. and do the Panda Dance. I can't remember that thing. from across the hall. And not one Elf got left behind that day.. Like dad used to do. SHANE Oh. Shane sighs. INT.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. c'mon. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. . TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story... Lulu's fallen asleep. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. The wails get louder and LOUDER.. and whispers to Peter..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. He made it up for him. We got `em all. Peter starts bawling. Peter WAILS. the teeniest little elf of all -... And you ain't got a chance.. lower than the floor.mean standing.

THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Chun. Lulu is next to him. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.. SHANE Today you drive. Shane hops forward three times. Shane. with her Gameboy. T the A 70.. Humiliated.MORNING . just like the crabs do. The Kids sit bolt upright.. Shane turns and catches Mr.) EXT. GARAGE .. He does the dance as he sings. He sings again. (He does. Shane crab-walks sideways. PLUMMER HOUSE .Shane sighs. Chun gets his paper. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Peter applauds. . mortified. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. terrified. They turn to Zoe. through the mirror. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. She gets out in shock. and gets in the driver's seat. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. staring. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. (Tyler in the snuggle). The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.

SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.. jerkily.. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. Zoe is surprised. Zoe backs jerkily out. She pulls out. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle..ZOE But -. Lulu and Todd are terrified.. Shane is shaky. no. Touched.I can't even pass driver's Ed. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. not the road. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. but trying not to show it. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. MINIVAN . just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. S P . Exactly. Keep going. The Kids share a dubious look. Shane is nervous. I trust you. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.. INT.

Claire BARKS out. Zoe smiles. Shane spots something. hey head into the school. Shane lets him down and heads into school. with a few FRIENDS. 1500 hours. Shane jumps out of the car.. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Claire strides into view. Before Scott knows what's happened. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. KIDS boisterously run past.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. CAFETERIA . Very funny. SHANE Good.. EXT. INT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. terrified. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. and a little make-up. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane's . T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Scott's terrified. laughing. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. She's wearing a cute dress. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Next lesson. Shane unclenches his teeth. Suddenly -. ZOE Ha ha ha. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Do we understand each other? Scott nods.71.. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. being obnoxious.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb.. severe stare) Now. Chastened. trembling.

Principal Claire sighs "not again. dragging .. him by the ear. It's a miracle. S he sits beside him. too. you never know who you're going to run into. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. She smiles. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) ." In one move. sailor? Thanks.. something.. Love it when he does that. and offers him a milk. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well.. She's waiting for him to say. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. SHANE hey eat in silence. Noon and none of them have been called to my office..eyes alight. impressed. Suddenly. S T P . Wow. He smiles back. Shane leaps over the table.

Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. TODD Hey.. Silence. M 73. I quit. I. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Todd looks. . MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. MURNEY Winners never quit. What're you so scared of. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students... Yeah I do. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah... E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. I want to sing.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.Murney shoves Todd forward. boy. Then: TODD I am not scared. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Talk. Freak? The Students snicker. now it all makes sense. Murney. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. No one's sure they heard him right. It opens Friday. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. I'm right here. Murney turns around. intimidated. MURNEY I've had it.

Let's do it. You win. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. Your ass is mine. humiliated. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. The whole team wants to're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. it's scary S 74. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. The Gym. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. He storms out. There is a stunned moment -. swarm Todd. I'm the only one with the guts to do reads: . protecting him. Murney did not expect to be called out. So calm. His voice cracks -. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. taking flyers. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. You suck.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. TODD There is a man in my house -. baby sitter! Murney glares at him MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.Shane steps them. Everyone is watching. furious -URNEY So -.and then a mob of Students.face to face. M urney looks over at the Team. Murney looks around. They look to the ground sheepishly. Todd's telling the truth.

The bleachers are PACKED. WHAM. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane.sending him right into the wall. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Murney. Shane throws an arm around Todd.BAM. hard. and sweeps Murney -. mumbling something. Todd cheers Shane on. S 75. Murney bounds to his feet. M URNEY on. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Todd flops to the mat. shocked. GYM . you're about to enter Murney's house of pain." INT. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. rushes Shane. and they head out."Murney's getting his ass kicked. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. quietly twitching on the ground. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . grabs onto Murney's waist. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another.3:00 mat. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Shane side-steps. Murney lands on his back. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. 3:00.

Todd. BUGS. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. Claire. too. I got my troops waiting. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. She gives him a thumbs up. If you're not sure. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. LULU We're Brownies. 76 SHANE either. . that's all. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods.Dislocated nerve. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. TODD That was awesome. fascinated. They walk out. When I Rwanda. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. TO: EXT. No brownies edible.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. FOREST . The crowd cheers. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life.

MALL PARKING LOT . He laughs at his own joke. EXT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -." INT. here at the top of the stairs. INT.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. MALL PARKING LOT . He signals her.. KICK.. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. He illustrates the stage directions. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying... in between punches. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. NURSERY . OLD FACTORY . Shane holds a stopwatch.she hits EVERY ONE -.fascinated.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.. The Kids don't get it. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. he reaches out and rocks it.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.we'll put Von Trapps here. KICK.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.FRONT LAWN . In unison. the Girls PUNCH. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. Zoe . Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. PUNCH. she burns rubber. EXT. and.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. in perfect tempo. PLUMMER HOUSE . The Duck watches all this -. here. PUNCH.

in we WIDEN back. EXT. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. OLD FACTORY .2. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.. INT. EXT.. PLUMMER HOUSE .NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance..BACK YARD .. it teeters." Lulu..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. Shane gives her a signal. EXT. They watch closely. T I E 77. He counts begins wriggling free. your life little girl.FRONT LAWN .3.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. INT. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. Hands a T ...out and weaves the cones..DAY -"1. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. she only clips one. MALL PARKING LOT . ODD .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. The Brownies attack. PLUMMER HOUSE . mercilessly. blur. NURSERY . but doesn't fall.

Again. Peter. Graceful. Todd tries the kick. SHANE I'm not your daddy.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. 8. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.EVENING . "PRICE CLUB" STORE .hard. Then he tucks Peter in. He does a spin kick. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. odd tries the spinning kick. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Peter. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Shane is so touched. INT.huh? Now. Peter Panda. daddy. now and then. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. THUD! Gazelle. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. But sweet dreams.he's got it down. Graceful. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. adding a James Brown flourish. He kisses Peter on the forehead. he almost bursts into tears. but blows it." Singing and doing all the moves -. NURSERY .

LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. see them. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. You're gonna have to pay for that. the Other Scouts are scared. he lands on the ground hard. INT. but like lightning. at their own table.they LAUGH. FORMATION. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's a FLIP. she wraps it around his arm. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. tying him.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. 9. The . the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike.. The Scout struggles. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short.. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. Across the lot. wearing the double snuggle. The Scouts share a look -. In one move. scary. S SHANE That's my troop. the Chubby Cub Scouts. proud. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.MOMMY! She lets him go -. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. He smiles. striking a cool pose.he sees. As he's comparing prices -.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

WITH: J INT. the kids are all abuzz.SHANE He's left alone. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. HOTEL . EXT. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. A tear runs down Zoe's face.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. J 82. OE I never even got to say good bye. talking excitedly. HALLWAY . BACK YARD . INT. The phone rings.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT .soldier.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. we're on the first plane in the morning. Shane answers it. happy. ANGLE .

Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. No reason for personal attachments. your wings aren't clipped. unblinking. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. INT. Shane turns. GARAGE . the Duck starts quacking. SHANE Just another assignment. Kids to play S ..NIGHT hane turns the light on.The house is dark. He pets the Duck. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. he Duck stares. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Suddenly. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Three squares a day. with.. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Shane sighs morosely. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Gary sits in the next chair. hane rises. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.

Nothing. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane looks on stunned. we see a CRANK WHEEL.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. He's been trying. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. The wheel spins.. INTERC UT: B harder. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. INT.SHANE What happened. He tries muscles rippling.. unsuccessfully. Shane steps down it. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . only It's solid and inscrutable. GARAGE . No hinges or cracks. . shines it down the grate. Shane dials a phone.. crack the lock all night..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Lulu hands him a tool.. The break in its surface is a strange.. DISSOLVE INT. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. and then it gives. TO: to S 84. he floor opens. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. leading below the garage. The Kids are watching his progress.

It's in a steel vault. Silently spying on Shane. BILL . TO: INT. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Through a window. W e PUSH INTO the house. I think I found GHOST. don't do anything further. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. After we turn this in to my CO. Bill's cell phone rings. Except for -..CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. An ominous pause.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. CHUN CUT BACK . towards the neighbor's house.. and hangs up. I've been trying all night.. She looks stricken. Okay.. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore.don't do anything `til I get there.. sir. he answers it. SEDAN . revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. TO: INT. Julie sits beside him.Lulu. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.EXT. excited. pleased. Bill reacts. can't crack it.. MRS. Do you have it? SHANE No. GARAGE . Everyone reacts happily. relieved. Away from Shane. GHOST. We'll be there shortly -. GARAGE .

in shock. LULU But. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. INT. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). KIDS VOICES .: The house is spotless.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. J JULIE'S P. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. JULIE'S HOUSE . I 85. The rug is vacuumed.they hear. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. comes into the dark hall. in the next room. Bill is carrying her suitcases. The fish tank is clear. he has no answer.V. Shane -.O. Kids singing a beautiful. Tongue-tied.. Julie and Bill hop out.. so they probably trashed the place..SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. She trails off.. should be home soon.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.SHANE He goes silent. Lulu? You should be happy. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. SHANE You guys better get ready. HOUSE .

MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. S SHANE Captain.(singing.. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Julie starts bawling. a capella) . INT. then salutes back) Good job. DINING ROOM . Peter is fresh faced. Dumb-struck. smiling.. with songs they have sung. BILL (he smiles wryly. Bill steadies her. ( B 6.. 8 JULIE almost faints. no dishes in the sink.. ZOE Welcome home. She staggers to. Julie goes to the. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Zoe is in a conservative dress. featuring Todd. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. picture- . Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. She sees.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Shane sees Bill enter. Lulu has bows in her hair. mom. Lieutenant. for a thousand years.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME.. Across the room... KITCHEN . INT.

GARAGE . Suddenly. Bill stops. Shane continues. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. an ANGRY VOICE. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . all I've never known is the military. surprised...INT. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. SHANE That's kind of you. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Shane. S S 87. ILL I'm really proud of you.DAY Shane leads Bill inside... SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. You just name it. BILL I should hope not. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Bill holds the pronged key. Don't get me wrong. pause) But I'll have to think about it. reluctant. And I think I want to explore that some more. anywhere you want. Sir.

CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. startled.. Mrs. Disoriented. and Mrs.. He is losing consciousness. Chun comes closer... and starts to fall.. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Chun. Shane puts his hands behind his head.. MRS. Things are spinning. hane takes control! He smiles. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. reaching for Bill's key. Mr... Shane shoots Bill a glance. . relishing a second of glory -. while SLAMMING their heads together. He turns..when suddenly. He takes a submissive position..SHANE Lights out. SHANE'S POV woozy. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. startled. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Shane peers in confusion. There were delays.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.Shane and Bill spin. B 88. CLOSE-UP . he looks up as he drops. confused. then passes out. GUNS DRAWN.

SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.. with two . NURSERY . Chun) secures the room. They whimper. The Korean Man (Mr. Charles trusted you. tied up. JULIE I trusted you.. closing the window shades. The floor is covered with square tiles. Julie glares.. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. FADE IN: INT. INT. livid. exit.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Beside the safe is a red switch. ILL North Korea pays better. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. The door HUMS. Peter has a JUICE BOX. bright and white. Bill and Mrs.. 9. Bill and Mrs. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. INT. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. (to Mr.. then slides OPEN! enter. Bill checks the knots binding the children. The Kids are furious. reaching. He GAGS the kids.BLACK. and it CLICKS. Chun) Keep an eye on them. They anxiously tiptoe. Chun approach the steel door. So did the Department of Defense..DAY Shane lies unconscious. They THE VAULT! Spare. scared. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. 8 Bill grins. Inside is a dark corridor. GARAGE . You -.with me.

Tyler GASPS. then Mr. Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. eyeballing them icily. Mrs. MRS. the Chun spins. had eyebrows. It's set on ARMED. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. quickly assuming a fake bound position. horrified -. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. completely SINGED OFF.SAME TIME Mr. CHUN Just. done. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. off shoulder eyebrows. MR. She confidently strides toward the safe -. He sneers. HOUSE .. The air is filled with an ominous. then leans back against Zoe. startled -. but the of her jacket is on fire.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Chun whirls -. But behind her back.. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. INT.. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Mr. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Chun is Bokay. Chun guards the kids.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Lulu "looks" scared. she unties Zoe! Then -.the Kids look innocent. MRS. she hits her panic button! O.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. like a monstrous computer. BEEPING.needing a distraction.. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Lulu frowns. Bill eyes the safe.S. low-pitched HUM.. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . as if she hadn't moved. CHUN But I've got some C4.. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me.

then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. CHUN That's cute. Mr.. Mr. he drops to his knees in pain. Skeptical. Chun looks at Lulu. slamming the door behind her. Chun laughs: MR.. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. then. . Mr.. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's leg. Chun scowls. when he's at her level. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.W Z 90. Mr. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun's head. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. he steps closer. Chun's face. BEHIND TODD . Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. she KICKS him right in the nuts. HAM without warning.. They untie Julie.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Lulu runs. It HURTS. snake-like move.

SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. I INT. She SCREAMS. they're trapped inside. M E M 91. INT. NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.. but the door won't budge. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. INT. NURSERY . FRONT DOOR .CONTINUOUS Mr. making a small hole. DONNGGG -.but as Julie exits. Chun's face. He yells out furious! MR... He sticks his face out the hole... OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. clutching her! The . Bill lurches into view. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.CONTINUOUS Mr.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. Chun punches the door.doorknob. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. his face COATED in white. INT. Chun falls back from the door.

Chun THE RADIO.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. Chun comes racing around the house -. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. MINIVAN . ARGHH! driveway. then nod and run to the side garage. INT..CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360' SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.CONTINUOUS r.I've got the keys.. CHUN Chun falls. Chun listens to Mr. They start to run back. . She floors it. Mrs. HOUSE . unsure. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret.. are horrified. HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS. EXT.. they're not going anywhere.

Charles didn't tell me about the room. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. B . BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. INT. INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. a CRACKLING of static. holding a military RADIO.. It's getting old. oe runs a yellow. leading her to the secret door.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. gaining on them. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. lying on the concrete. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. chilled. Julie GASPS. GARAGE . WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. VAN . Mrs. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Don't make me kill you too. Then. They step past Shane's body. Chun exits the vault.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint.

half on the sidewalk. CHUN Mr. It's like a chariot race.. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. Bring them back unharmed. I'll get you in.93.. Surprised. as Zoe drives. BUSY STREET .. EXT. Chun zooming by. ANGLE . just please don't hurt anyone. don't hurt the kids.) Bill. It's B risky. they might wreck. MINIVAN . everyone looks down. Do it.S.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. He tries to pass them on the right.he clicks "talk" on the radio. Then -. ILL .SHANE They look over -. ZOE . Chun just inches from the kids' tail.. SHANE (O.Shane is standing in the doorway. The men stare down. He does something we can't see. emotional. Bill deciding if he can trust him. MRS. Bill uncuffs Shane.. Bill.DAY The vehicles race. BILL Change of plan. ill eyes him. my husband has question: MR. to cut them off! INT. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires..

. . and loses control. Mr. Mr. SECRET VAULT . WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun off for a beat... Lulu starts PELTING Mr. In the van. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. triumphant. Chun SCREAMS. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. disoriented. Peter laughs. Zoe looks over.. Shane is figuring his options. Mr.. Chun ROLLS UP his window.What's taking you? 94.. Exasperated. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. CRASH!! The kids cheer. M R. Chun with debris: milk cartons. She Mr. INT. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. crayons. orange peels. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him.. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Chun holds Julie. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Bill waits impatiently. Hair spray. Mrs. It throws Mr.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry.

then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. go get it -. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. BILL Code or no code. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Tyler! Bill reacts. ill cocks his gun. Shane SQUIRTS it. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Peter. Watch. Lulu. sending him flying backwards. Shane leaps back. in pain. . over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane gets up. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. puzzled. Shane steps forward ... Shane steps forward.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. confidently: J B B 95 . Bill laughs. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names.A bewildered beat -. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. He speaks aloud.

and do the Peter Panda Dance. Shane he steps forwards. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. NOTHING HAPPENS. . Shane LAUGHS sharply. Something she said.NOTHING HAPPENS. just like the crabs do. He thinks. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. He takes a deep breath. Calmness comes to Shane's face. Bill and Julie share a look -. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. And you haven't got a chance. across two tiles. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. lower than the floor.. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.SHANE Shane's thinks. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).they have no idea what he's laughing about. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. not quite centered to the room. He steps sideway. He feels the Groove. CLOSE-UP . Again -... Julie relieved. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . fearlessly. then back: smiles. When you're down and low.. E 96 .

you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. not the brake. 9 7. and our bodyguard -.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. Zoe blows past it.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. They have my mom. EXT. Inside is the Cute Cop. ZOE Come on. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. The Squad Car's lights flash on. he'd be toast. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Don't follow me! . LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. from the ceiling. When he steps back -. If he'd been standing. BUSY INTERSECTION . they're FLYING. his focus gone. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. and he catches up with the minivan -. 5-0.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Use the gas.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step takes a while.

Then better jump quick. Following the chase. like there ain't no floor. The Squad Car is on its tail. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. almost running it off road. I accept full responsibility.. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. Squad Car turns around and chases her.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. at a safe distance. 98. EXT. My intelligence proved to be faulty.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. Zoe U-turns. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. She shakes her head. in a cloud of smoke. SUBURBAN STREET . EXT. sliding forward. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.. NECK-BRACE. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. nervously. the Minivan SPEEDS by. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. PLUMMER BASEMENT . is Mr. INT. pool of liquid. Suddenly. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Claire frowns. It's acid.. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. but if I had more resources. . and speeds back towards her house. SCHOOL ..CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. concerned. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.

All that we stand for. and jumps back.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. You were always my best man." . BILL (CONT'D) You know. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. He's relieved -. Mrs. Finally. Beat. Bill shrugs. He lands in front of THE SAFE. He nervously steps forward . to the left of the HOLE. The safe's red light turns green. "Just hold your breath. 99. Bill signals for Mrs. Whew. Immediately. She gestures back: you go. He holds his breath just in time. What do you say -. I knew you'd figure it out.. Shane. and jump to the left. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you." He jumps. Chun to go first.. sir. Chun follows. And you betrayed all of that.and walks across the room. He flips the switch to DISARMED. BILL Thank you. to calm down) Almost done. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. almost done.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. The whole room goes SILENT. Nothing happens. The Booby Traps are disarmed.he waves his hand over the floor. disgusted. Shane scowls. Bill takes a breath -. if you're willing to join up. pulling Julie along. BILL I'll take that as a "no. It's a stand-off. Bill looks around.

MRS. her hair on end. SHANE There will be no mercy.. hitting Bill's arms. He starts to reach for the dial.Mrs. Something's not right. Shane reaches for the safe. But suddenly Mrs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Bill is off guard. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. BILL (CONT'D) . then catches himself. Relief.. Shane shrugs. then PUNCHES him in the gut. I think you better open it.. SIZZLING. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Chun. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Nothing happens.. legs! He's crazed. You open it. Chun doesn't budge. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. I walked the floor first. Full of himself. Bill LUNGES. head. and touches the dial. . Chun reaches out. Bill gestures to Mrs. but Shane gazes coldly. Reluctantly .. unrelenting. She turns it. shaking from the voltage. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Mrs. Bill is incensed. And he's strong! shoves Shane back.Bill turns to the safe.. BILL None requested. Chun LEAPS onto his back. trying to read Shane's poker face. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges.

landing on his back in front of the safe. SIRENS wailing. The Police Cars . delivering a series of hard punches.. PLUMMER'S STREET .. he drops and FLIPS her. Shane shakes his head.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. spin. the wind knocked out of him. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. Leering mercilessly. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. Shane struggles to lose her. good night. K. Shane narrows his eyes.! EXT.. stumbles backwards across the room. ANGLE . tottering. then whispers/sings. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. IN THE VAN. Shane tumbles. which Shane deflects -. knocking her out. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. SHANE . SHANE You're a.O. Say. kick.BILL He steps over Shane. terrible neighbor. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. chase after.they tangle like pro's. They punch. He jumps to his feet. saved. She smiles. But he's unforgiving. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Suddenly.. connecting only occasionally. Bill is charging him. Shane COLD-COCKS her. unable to gain her balance. It's clear the both have the same training. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. She catapults.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. everyone is SCREAMING. OOF! Bill tumbles.

and hits a tree. They look in silence. She smiles at Shane. Whoa.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. Now we can go back to our peaceful..a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . It's finally over.. HOUSE .SAME TIME Total commotion. Then -. But it's too late.101. Cops surround them. The garage door raises. SHANE . JULIE Thank you Shane. from the car. then look in the safe: Inside. grateful. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. GHOST.. The kids clamber from the van. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The Kid spill out and run. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. smoke BURNING from the tires -.O. The van SKIDS.. Shane gently removes it. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. INT. Shane steps out. SECRET VAULT . then BRAKES. with their hands raised.

. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Nobody is sure what to do. Shane spins. Chun stands inside the gate.S.. Numerous. Mr. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. Julie and Shane Freeze. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. I suggest you call the FBI. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. He's disheveled and manic. The Cops are unsure what to do. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Even Chun is amazed. uh. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.) HIT THE GROUND!!! .... vaults onto Chun.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Zoe. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Cops cover Shane and Julie. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Silence.a CRAZED SCREAM. Shane weighs his not so many options. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. MR. you're in a lot of trouble. officer. triumphant. He scoffs.. ZOE But. and grabs the MR. as he turns his head. But then -. 10 2. helpless. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.. CHUN (O.CUTE COP FREEZE. Now.

AGENT Mr. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.B. SHANE Just doing my job. F . swelling with pride. Shane examines it. Agent.B.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Shane talks with an F.I. then walks off. reaches for his radio. that was nice work. This chaos is unsolvable. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. F.B. You're a one-man battalion. Wolfe. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. ANGLE .. Julie huddles with the kids. COP I think I'll call the FBI. INT. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. GARAGE .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.B. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.I.I. watching the FBI Agents work. CLOSE-UP .CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him..LATER F. PLUMMER HOUSE . 103.rocket launcher. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. AGENTS swarm the area. he . CLOSE-UP .I.

What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.. and Julie notice.. He looks at Claire..Maui? . I'm on dry land. On.. here. Does it itch? Yes. He looks around: at the family.Yes. and gather around. Mock-angry. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. A tear comes to her eye. And to tell the truth. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. The Plummers hug each other... I always have.I want to say: I love you more than anything. re-conning the situation. EXT. 104. Her siblings. I don't know. from the safe. Lulu -. a letter. SHANE Well. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. then Julie found the key. Todd. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. She sees. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Zoe.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. Tyler. Shane looks at her. Julie. You're the superior office. fallen onto the floor. You tell me. Peter. I don't see anything but reasons to stay... Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. I'm kinda. SHANE . Summer's almost here. say -. THE PLUMMER HOUSE ...

For everything.. ZOE But. come here you. Like he did.. squeezing them off the ground. Julie looks up. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. He starts to head off. to shake his. baffled. Shane. Shane bawls -. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. She puts out her hand. He puts them down. Your work here is through. Lulu turns to Shane.. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.SHANE This is too much.he can't keep it in. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Zoe gives them a look -.his medal. Thank you. A long beat. P ETER Love you. 105. He wipes his face.Sir yes sir. interrupting. SHANE Claire beams. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. SHANE Ah.he hugs the whole family at once. Guess you have to go now. I'm gonna . sad.. He squeezes her hand around it. The Plummers all approach. LULU This is it. TIGHT .

Julie watches in astonishment. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Shane stands. BACKSTAGE . as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps." In the audience. Farewell." Hearts swell. The performers take their curtain . Scott: in a suit. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. In SLOW MOTION.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. rapt. Shane watches with bated breath. VICTORIA THEATRE. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. hit your marks. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.a Michael Jordan dunk. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. A STANDING OVATION. his hair combed. Todd spins. the little Brownie Troop. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. They all watch. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. beaming with pride. It's fantastic -. She is surrounded by her children. You Are Sixteen begins. even Murney. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. until he sits back down.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. Claire: dressed to the nines.

Thundering applause.calls.html on December 9 2010 .com/scripts/Pacifier. FADE OUT. Shane smiles. He humbly steps into view -. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. touched.and the house goes crazy. THE END http://www. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.imsdb.-The. Mission accomplished.

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