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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
terrified.no highway option. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. He cuts the Professor's GAG.. but can't get free.. to the roof. they're almost out of ammo. But you have to do exactly what I say. EXT. Up to his nose. when I say it.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Plummer screams. United States Navy.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. I'm gonna get you outta here. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. He's gone. over his head. . him his oxygen. My way -. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. hauling the Professor up. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. He tries force the door open. ON THE DECK . As the water rises.. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. INT. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. When it finally opens. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.SIMULTANEOUS 4. PLUMMER How did you know where I.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. Do you copy? (Plummer nods.. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Shane removes his mouth piece. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. SHIP'S HOLD .
. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. Shane takes a deep breath. EXT. HELICOPTER . INT.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. He .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. 5. pulling the Professor in behind him. terrified. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. HELICOPTER . SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper.. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. clearly he loves this kind of day. INT. SHANE INT. and pulls himself. more!" They do. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . holding the Professor. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Hold on. then disappear gracefully back into the water.
Please. PLUMMER Oh my God. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.. Charles stops Shane. how'd we. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative..beside him. We have to keep moving. thank you. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. the Professor looks terrified. CHARLES I'm safe. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. That was the most incredible.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. EXT. Not imperative to the mission. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. waits.. shutting him up. She thinks I'm dead. Lieutenant.. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . rotors whirling slowly. I can't believe you. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. . I'm just not big on chit chat.. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. CHARLES Lieutenant.
I'm alive. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.couldn't crack it. RUN!!! black. puzzled. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Charles dials. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. The briefcase pops open... PILOT sits. Tyler. I have a picture of my kids in here. DEAD. WHAM... back to him. that's my specialty. Designed it myself. All goes .. you want to see it? Negative. Shane drops. Shane considers. Shane looks at him. then hands him his satellite phone.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. It's voice activated. SHANE We're almost ready... CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY..CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. PAVE HAWK . Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Peter. and talks. I do security. Lulu. Todd. INT.Charles picks up his briefcase. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. Charles dials his cell phone. knocked unconscious.
. despondent.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. He sees Charles. A Huey Helicopter lands.: Everything is a blur. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. I know sir. unconscious. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .7. HOSPITAL . He holds a REPORT in his hand. You're the best man I ever trained. HOSPITAL . EXT.it hurts to salute. There is huge explosion. PAVE HAWK . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Shane reaches out. as the chopper ignites. And a good friend. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. SHANE . barely conscious. Bill sits down beside the bed. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. in slow-motion. Captain. His arm and face bandaged. He takes a long look at Shane. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. SHANE'S P. and takes Charles' Briefcase. sir.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. He looks around. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Everything is ablaze.V.friendly. unassuming.O. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. but he does it anyway.. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.
Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. He pulls up a chair.T. is still out there. really. Bill shakes his head.SHANE He had to call his family. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. appreciate your confidence.O. SHANE Sir. It's not that kind of mission. he pulls off bandages. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. disconnects an IV.H. Then.O. 8. BILL . I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. . BILL (interrupting:) Negative. and starts to rise...H. Thank you. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. I'm gonna need the mini sub..a genius. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. BILL Not a surprise. G.S. Bill considers this... as I stated in my report. He called it G. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.T. He can't believe his good fortune. I.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. disappointed.S.. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. Invigorated.. and sits opposite Shane.. SHANE The case was empty sir. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. Shane sits up.
O. SHANE'S APARTMENT . BILL . Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. CUT TO: INT.H. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.. Maybe it is.Shane listens. The family's scared. Shane Wolfe. I should go. Whoever killed the professor must think G. I've never been very good with kids. I love you.) Honey. I got a call from the professor's wife. It's just that. intrigued. is in that house. Shane is surprised.S.. Not even when I was a kid sir. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. sir. Widow.if anything happens to me. She told me someone had broken into her home. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. presses play. He's a good man. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.. I'm alive.. and protect them. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. top to bottom. Shane is shocked. I'll call you in an hour.T... hearing the dead man's voice. maybe it isn't.S. I need someone to stay at that house. CHARLES (O.. sir.NIGHT . (MORE) 9.. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. call Lt. anyway. Searched the place... Either way. BILL The professor's wife requested you.
and sees LULU. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.: Julie's unkempt suburban house.then the door swings open. Shane frowns. Hm. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. camouflage vest.. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells).. identical to the one he wears. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. Shane double-checks the address.O. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. He reaches in.s. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. EXT.V. and pulls out a small. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. It SQUEAKS.. The sprinklers go off. also identical to the one he wears. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. Lulu eyes Shane. 10. ready for anything. Shane eyes Lulu. we're not interested. night vision goggles. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. 8. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane looks down -. WE hear TINY FEET approach -..AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Shane heads to the door. EMALE VOICE (o. peering up at him. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. SUBURBAN STREET . .Shane packs his duffel bag. Shane's P. they all go in. with toys all over the lawn. machete. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. He rejects it. He looks at for a moment.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
Julie casually answers it. We slowly pull out. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . entersJULIE I'll be there.the family eats dinner.s. with her suitcase. LIVING ROOM . The phone RINGS inside. 14.s.s. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga will .Nighttime -.) There's a catch. I have some potentially good news. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Swiss law says only his family can access it. BILL (o. This could all be over! BILL (o.NIGHT Shane. through the kitchen window. it's Bill Fawcett. Through the window.. INT. INT. Julie and Shane share a look. Shane. JULIE That's wonderful.) Julie.MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. listening to the conversation... Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. I think it could contain GHOST.
we'll be fine. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. ZOE Mom -. HELGA Everything will be fine. H S .. . chill.. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. And on the back door.. Plummer.. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. No. it's just. Mrs. And guys. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. I am a mom.. Helga will take care of everything else.. it's my job to worry... I'm gonna miss you. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. I'll be back in 48 hours. do it. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. SHANE Don't worry.handle everything. They'll be safe with me. are you licensed to kill? . And on the phone.. I love you guys.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.
5..WHRRP! Shane ducks... pouring in Cheerios.. He shuts off the - . Shane turns off the light.. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. INT.NIGHT hane rushes in -. Shane shakes his head. You do something. Gary suddenly FLIES by .s. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Immediately. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. INT. elga stomps out. Shane heads down the hall. looks around for the CRYING BABY. on a short ladder. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. when in the corner of his eye -. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. I make bottle. can't find him..NIGHT Shane. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. SHANE (CONT'D) .. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.
They both tumble to the ground. SHANE Not with this kid. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. but alright. Zoe -. fine.... In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. come on Scott. tool. ZOE He's my boyfriend. jumps onto the trampoline.window alarm and sneaks out silently. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Shane LIFTING him in the air. He's dazed. EXT. ZOE Okay. calling out from across the street. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. house like a marionette.BACK YARD . SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Zoe! . 16. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. runs off. Shane runs. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. I'll call you. PLUMMER HOUSE .go back inside.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. S COTT . Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL.
Oh.. CHUN Thanks a bunch.NIGHT . he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. CHUN .Zoe storms inside. fuming. They're arguing with each other in Korean. huh baby-sitter? Mr. SHANE My apologies. Look. THE CHUNS. Kojak.. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. A simple misunderstanding. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Try to keep that zoo reigned in. Shane addresses them. I INT.. The alarm stops. MR.. we own a bakery. CHUN (perfect English. so we're up kind of early.. Shane's about to head inside. Sorry. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Oh. The Alarm's still blaring. PLUMMER HOUSE . and we found this in our pool filter. Shane stands there. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. no accent) We speak English. SHANE MRS. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. pop their heads out. We had an intruder. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. MR..
Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Not anymore. She has to hop on one foot.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.) sing). S W 1 8. Shane shuts her door. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Bite me! Shane frowns. Shane marches back down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Loud. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Shane flips her foot in the air. . to not fall over. continues down the hall. Zoe falls backwards into the room. lower than the floor. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. ZOE Who do you think you are -. You should have told her the truth.s.
to their beds. one step back. and do the Peter Panda Dance. HOUSE . EXT.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. T Z Z T 19. In the bedrooms. Then jumps up. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. just like the crabs do. then "crab-walks" sideways. She does. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. he wriggles on the floor. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. PLUMMER HOUSE . in bed -.groove. Peter in his bed. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. . Three steps forward. Shane shakes his head. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.laugh and laugh.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. The Children. warm orange light. INT.
Helga runs through in hair curlers. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. TODD'S ROOM .m. half-asleep and angry. INT. HALLWAY .CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. disoriented. like she's been electrocuted. You're insane.. oe is wrapped in blankets.MORNING Todd sits up. ODD It's Sunday. carrying the crying baby. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. not understanding what's happening. S .and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Todd blinks groggily. Not in front of the kids. Suddenly his door flies open -. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.odd is out cold. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Move. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Covering their ears.. motionless. L Move. 20 . Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.
. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. shocked.. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. No highway option. lined up tallest to shortest. . Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up... ladies. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. L 21. KITCHEN . HELGA (She curses Again. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.LATER The children are assembled.do you.do you. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.he gives him a look of disbelief. INT. sucking on a bottle. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.) Shane's jaw drops. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. Your behavior is unacceptable. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. in Romanian.
The panic button is only for emergencies. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Red baby. S ULU (CONT'D) . Red Leader. I tell you what to do -. P eter farted. where's the older male? There were five. End of chain. ZOE I am not wearing that. wait.(pointing) Red 1.a tense silence. Now that I know I can't trust you. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. but it's locked.. or you're dead. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium..and you do it. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Shane bounds up the stairs. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. SHANE Tracking devices. Angry. ZOE He's in his room. He tries the knob.you better be dying.. He yells at her. Touch that -. So you are -. INT.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Everyone cracks up. Red 2. he's furious. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane bangs hard on it. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Everyone stares blankly -. Never take them off.. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.
. this wouldn't have happened.MORNING . I can fix this. INT. Oops.. Down the hall -. INT. the destroyed door and wall. to her room. The entire frame collapses.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. and Todd comes sauntering back. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.LATER ZOE .22. then CRASHES inward. Todd nods in agreement. hits Shane on the head. HALLWAY . patrolling. A piece of the ceiling falls. If you'd been wearing it.a FLUSH. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. INT.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed... He sees Shane. He has to go. and head down the hall. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. She stops at Todd's door -. Shane steps aside. Zoe comes up the stairs.they glare at Shane.
WHACK -.the rumble of a car approaching. He pretends to be a ghost. to see that Peter is chasing her. wearing a towel as a sheet.LATER . With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Daddy even said so. clicks his alarm remote opens it. HALLWAY . Lulu hides behind Shane.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Peter Booos again. Lulu SHANE Hey. L S 23. And then it hits Shane. His head shifts. LULU This house is haunted. He said there's a ghost. he hears something suspicious -. hard.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. hey. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. INT.S.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Peter! screams. just as -. PAPERBOY (O. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Really? His eyes light up. He rushes for the front door. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Shane turns. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. I don't know.
ZOE Here he comes. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. He RAPS again.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. inally. Then -. When he hears an alert from his laptop. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. as laundry flutters down from above. appears.. all the way down. then turns his attention to his laptop. pushing. Nothing. Searching. BANGING her head and ass on each step. feeling. Zoe whispers. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. MR. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. listening for hollow spaces.. STAIRWAY ..Shane walks slowly down the hall.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. She screams. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. F . He goes back to the living room. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.. I INT. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.a creak.ZOE AND TODD ... T IGHT . carrying a huge laundry basket. Shane scans it. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. scanning the ceiling.
They gulp. . Bill can't stand it anymore. looking jet-lagged. SWISS BANK . terrified. He seems to be about 100 years old. They wait patiently -. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. then licks his finger to turn the page. INT. mouthing along in FRENCH.DAY Establishing.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. ZOE Uh-oh. It's taking him a LONG time. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. Then looks back to the paperwork. Not in Switzerland. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page.DAY Bill and Julie. this is an urgent matter. BANKER Marcel! out. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. I can't. He jumps to his feet. EXT. The Banker looks at him blankly. but can't get the page to turn. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. SWISS BANK . He licks his finger again. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. If we can't get some faster service. 25. we're going to have to file a complaint. He feebly gets up.
SAME TIME Helga. Oui. MARCEL. enters. remain calm -- 26. grabbing her foot. Shane dives. He grabs her suitcase. JULIE Thank you. Suddenly. How long is that? INT. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. But I can tell you -.you will have access to the box tout-suite. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Shane picks up the receiver. PLUMMER HOUSE . heads to the door -.Another Banker. RING! Amid the chaos. As soon as your background checks clear. Shane moves for the phone. and Helga dashes for the door. The suitcase handle breaks off. SHANE (CONT'D) . The duck flies around. As she tries to wrestle it away. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. HELGA I am calm. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. suitcases in hand. He DRAGS her back.Shane tries to block her path. the chief does not speak English. I QUIT. QUACKING. Peter's in the aquarium. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it.
Mrs. (covering the phone. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Shane lets go. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. HOUSE . Mrs.Ah. He picks up his hand. Helga scampers out the door. EXT. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand.. Helga struggles to get him off.. Duty. Plummer. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. CRUNCH.everything's fine. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. and Shane falls back.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Shane hangs up the phone. against the counter.. Plummer. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Just doing my. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.Helga falls forwards. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. that landed on a diaper.. 27.
. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. The 28. defeated. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. HOUSE . we're just gonna have some more big fun.Helga jumps in the cab..SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. SHANE Okay. to find the kids are all gloomy. takes a deep breath and strides inside. if she loves you. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. .SHANE Rises. Then -. dumbfounded. In the meantime. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. listen up. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. He drops his head. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. There's been a change of plans. baby cries.. INT. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. Helga glares back. she'll come back. ANGLE ..he slowly glances up. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. in the rear window. ANGLE .
ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. 29. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. takes a deep breath. SHANE Whoa. nice moment. INT. Until -. Pure self-preservation..it flops open. repelled. Only then can we rise to the challenge. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. . CLOSE-UP .FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Using the tools as chopsticks. Nobody will help. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. your enthusiasm. BATHROOM . I'm Navy. inundated. holding his nose. All for one. And then -. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. HEY! Even Peter runs. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. SShane GROANS. everyone bolts from the room.SHANE He gulps. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body..
Lulu doesn't go away. Shane tries approaching -.) Thank you. like a puppy. he looks down to see Lulu. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.he can't do it. 30. SHANE (unsure how to respond..SHANE The things I do for my country. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. I think you're cute. INT. she just stares at him. HALLWAY . Lulu is in her pj's. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. She follows. over and over and over. making sure all the doors and windows are locked.. he looks around for a solution. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu follows at his heels. Aghast. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. LULU Hi. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. . SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. then FLUSHES. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.
Shane smiles.BREAKFAST . The Kids stare at "breakfast. in beddibye land. proud of his accomplishment. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. INT. little girl. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Shane breathes a sigh of relief.Shane walks room to room. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. .MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. Todd. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. and shuts off her light. pulling down the shades on every window.it's time for you take a nappypoo. like he's an idiot. I can get lots more of those. and patrols. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. KITCHEN . all the kids asleep." dubious. All the lights are out. And I've survived off this stuff for months. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. 31. Lulu looks at him. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. The kids sit down at their designated spots.
one for all. you go out.. dancing.. And the phone rings.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. He runs away. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. you stay in. I can cross my eyes. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. all for one. Wanna see? Negative. ZOE He's only two.is not here to take care of you now. (then:) Yes. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. . So -. ladies. Your mama -. Peter starts bawling. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. crying. too.. then at Tyler -.here's how it's gonna be.. Peter stands in his chair. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. Shane answers. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay... Shane sighs. LULU .... SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. trying to hear over the screaming... PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. If I say in. We're gonna pull together. if I say out. Shane turns to Lulu.
. Across his chest. backwards at sixty m.. He hangs up.. It hits ZERO.. SHANE Not on my watch. legal guardian. sir. INT. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. yes. He said if you're late again.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. perfect parallel park. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. I know it's Monday. dramatically unveiling Shane. EXT. A big suburban school. Shane fumbles with it for a while. LULU We're gonna be late.. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Thank you.M. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.9:29 A. The Minivan skids completely sideways.p. innocently." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. you and Todd are expelled. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . Oh. It just doesn't add up.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. With your . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . into a TINY parking spot -. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.a death defying. He wants to see you in his office. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. Zoe smiles at him. GARAGE ... GARAGE . and at that . wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. INT. EXT.h..
Lieutenant. too. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. whatever work you can get. She's attractive. tough. They're the worst students in my school. The Kids crack up. Shane. . assured. as he plays on the floor. I coach wrestling. I'm Murphy. mortified. MURNEY aby-sitter huh.. K thru 12. Duane. The Kids are seated around him. Top to bottom.. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. I'm in charge of watching these kids for.P in charge of discipline. holding Peter on a harness. Murney is furious. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. boy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Plummer finally listened. He glares at Shane. He's HUGE and mean.moment. He withers. conduct and truancy. a few days. V. they needed a parole officer. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Out of twenty-three. son? SHANE Wolfe. Murney is unimpressed. You're in my house now. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Well. Looks like Mrs.
fuming. Claire sees this -.. What are you doing in my office. I think I can handle this from here. 34. impressed. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Principal Claire eyeballs him. Plummer.two little red DOTS move away. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.. BELL rings. Good. Plummer called my captain. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. The teens hustle off to their classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. that as vice principal.. He exits. Shane checks his TRACKER -. (then. You see. She told me all about you..Good morning kids. Get moving. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Lieutenant. The opens the door for Murney. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I am in charge of. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Red 2. Mrs.and suddenly reacts. SHANE Red 1. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . staring him up and down. as he casually holds the three kids.
and the way I run my school.. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. She lifts her pants leg. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". On the spot. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. Courage. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE .. Service paid for my college. Claire looks nervously around. dead serious. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. That's the way I live my life.(Shane nods. to balance Shane. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. SHANE Can't be too careful. SHANE "Honor.... Shane stares not sure whether to believe. The 35.MID-MORNING seeShane. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. So. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.. Welcome aboard.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .
Todd. Shane closes the computer. in Shane puts down his binoculars.V.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. with stern intensity. . Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. does the same. Black Hawk coming in. two. BINOCULARS P. He turns to the person front of him. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. 36 . turns her back to him embarrassed. Lulu sees Shane and waves. like a tether ball. INT. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Beside Shane. picks up a pair of binoculars. CAFETERIA . Save us both a world of pain. SHANE Give up now.Clean as a whistle. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.... SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Todd. He checks his tracking device. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.O. sitting in the back row of a class. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Official Business. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.V.O. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. in line to get lunch. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. one.. Now -.last time: Open the hanger. yanks his hood over his head. Zoe. delighted.
You're on dry land. Mr. you know.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. He yanks Tyler away from him. A whole day. Shane sighs. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. 37. SHANE Hey -. Tyler laughs. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Seriously. Principal Claire smiles. lieutenant. Sure.. not so dry where you're sitting.) Shane. Oh. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.I out rank you. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. Can I call you Shane? . When you agreed to serve your country. Claire smiles. I'm impressed. . by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. huh? Shane gives her a look. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.. (she looks at his chair) Well. I guess.. ignoring him. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.but you're pretty good at this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.. with milk.Tyler gurgles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. (she toasts.. man. you don't.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. MURNEY You heard the lady. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Murney smirks. in the crowd. and "punches fists" with him. next week's tournament is off. INT. Zoe. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. I don't care who starts it. unusual. VP Murney is watching. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt.. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. the crowd freezes. LUNCH-LINE . One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him.. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. but not stopping it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. MURNEY He did. Personally . (Todd) 38. Look at him.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. As soon as they see the Principal. impressed. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. cheering. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd..That's.
Maybe you could stop by practice. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Todd lunges at him. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.total control. That's right.. MURNEY Pretty slick. Maybe some other time then. sir. Don't even think it. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Murney. sticking the landing.. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. what do you say? Come on. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. flinch. He'd kill you so fast. (low. yeah. I'm on duty. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE .Todd lands on his feet. SHANE . I forgot you had to baby-sit. stopping an inch from Shane's head. SHANE . Boys'll be boys.. the crowd breaks up. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. 39 . Murney approaches Shane. promise I'll go easy on you.. MURNEY Oh. man. The Bell rings. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it..I'm a black belt myself.. Sorry. . Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.I think that's a little harsh. Nice moves. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Frogman -. Todd shakes him off and heads to class.
minus taxes. as he keeps watch. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. Then Shane smells what she means -. and not cry. Panicked.. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Emergency! SHANE INT.change him. holding Tyler out like a grenade.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . SHANE Oh -..Tyler's diaper is full. doing a shoulder roll. Shane recoils in disgust... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Lt.CONTINUOUS . Uh. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. He bursts though it. Not my job. SCHOOL HALLWAY . INT. 40. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. It leads him to a door. The Principal strolls up.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. for one who'll eat.INT. But. Tyler is crying.. Bathroom's down the hall. Have fun. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Roger that. another dollar twenty.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Just then. following his tracking device.
racing down the road ahead of Shane. He blasts through a red light. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Lulu is in front of the class.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. EXT.the Class applauds.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. are heading away from the school fast. but the FINAL BELL rings. They make a sharp right. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. I INT. almost tipping the minivan. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He speeds away after them. CONSTRUCTION SITE . BUSY INTERSECTION .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. through the fence. SHANE EXT. Shane is furious. Shane makes a right. with the Panic Button in her hand. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. Shane lands in fight stance -. EXT. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. Thanks. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He leaps out of the minivan. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. EXT. 41.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe .CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . At that moment. HALLWAY . He hands her to the Principal.
then gasps -. From outside. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane lowers himself down. INT. SQUISHY footsteps. IN THE MANHOLE . Three Workers rush him. then checks his tracker. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. all brandishing tools.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. feet away. Shane trudges through the river of muck. and the sound of OMINOUS. then checks the tracker -.LIVING ROOM . It's horrific. you're about to get a beat down. Shane pries off the manhole cover. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -.then RUN. Shane easily takes them out. . He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. He winces.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. No sweat.It's dark and dank. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. and charges through. He catches his breath.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.SHANE He's alone. PLUMMER HOUSE .the DOTS are CLOSE. He takes a deep breath and dives under. they hear the front door open. ANGLE .section. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. SEWER . INT. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.
43 INT. The Cop leaves. weird hair. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. She practically GAGS as she passes him. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.p. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. . A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.. . The smell is BAD.. INT. BACK YARD . thank you.LATER Shane is in the shower. KITCHEN . Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. BATHROOM . Covering her nose. INT. Zoe checks him out as he goes. he doesn't say anything. The Cop turns to Shane.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.. use our nonemergency number. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Ditto.. The Cop looks at them. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.. Todd stiffens. Call. revealing Shane.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.Then the door swings open. looking like a Swamp Creature.b. 16 year old female. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. then covers their noses. with a smirk. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Everyone gasps. If you need anymore help. Zoe fixes her hair. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.
and whistle. If we don't sell enough cookies.. Mom's our den mother. You gotta help me out. 4. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.a dozen little girls in uniforms. close to tears. He looks at it. He sees on the fridge. in just a towel. And it's not like I have any other friends. The Brownies applaud. LULU We have to. They won't be home `til ten. FAMILY ROOM .all junk food. we can't go the Jamboree. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Shane. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. 4 . SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission.. Monday.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. cringing in disgust. SHANE (O. they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . Lulu starts to sniffle. They already think I'm a loser. INT. pulling Lulu after him.Shane enters.) Get rid of them. LULU I can't. it's Monday. (whispers:) Come on. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.S.
I'm scared of you. Zoe's on the phone. Now -. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. ladies.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. ZOE . Tonight. the other to his back. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. KITCHEN . yeah. INT. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. He's not just locking them -.MOMENTS LATER Shane. at attention. unpacking boxes of cookies. They are assembled.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. I'm gonna be your den -commander... then drills it into place. back in "uniform. INT. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. Indian Style. BROWNIE Den Mother? . . I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. getting ready to go. LIVING ROOM .he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. Here's how it's gonna be.. Shane sighs.. he's a total psycho. do as I say. SHANE Alright. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. SHANE Good.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. Shane blows passed her.. INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM ..wait here.Lulu's about to burst into tears.
.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. Tyler looks at him -."what are you.. the camera CRANES up to. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. GROCERY STORE .. nuts?" EXT. as he pushes a cart into the store. GROCERY STORE . GROCERY STORE . SHANE I gotta get supplies. INT.. NOTHING looks familiar -. GROCERY STORE . EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. DRIVEWAY . not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.. EXT. he's got us on lock-down.. Snack packs. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. (she listens:) Hm. but they're . it's like Oz or something. ZOE . ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. Scott.. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.PARKING LOT ... He smiles. but if anything happens.nothing even looks like food.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He sees: a huge. hits speed-dial. I can see you through the window. I dunno if that's a good idea.5..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. He looks around at the bright. Zoe picks up the phone. No.. 4 EXT.
of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.. One of the Brownies spots something. Finally. clutching their boxes. chubby CUB SCOUTS.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. I haven't seen anybody.she tugs and tugs. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF.. He laughs.. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT ..MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. He rips it open. you Skeever? . UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. GROCERY STORE . and lets her go. The Cub Scouts high-five. they're back. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. One The Brownies take off running.noticing very shy. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. menacingly.. EXT. before I get my face punching badge on you. but can't get away. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.. . what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle.
CHEESE . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. He wears .SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. we're going home. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Shane's monitor starts beeping.2ND SCOUT Nope. Not cookies. Cheese MANAGER. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. PARKING LOT .22's.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Get in the car. 47. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. The Brownies scream. He bends down. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . trembling. If I don't come back -avenge my death. I'm here to protect you. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. He heads toward the Scouts. CHUCK E. Where? SHANE INT. EXT.A LITTLE LATER . Around his neck. and points at Lulu's Panic button. you're supposed to take us to dinner. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. He firmly tells Lulu.
The Manager approaches Shane. A LITTLE LATER: 48. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. this much cyanide. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.CHAOS. On stage. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.... SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya...braces and head-gear. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. Lulu approaches. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. Cheese! Wider reveals. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. Shane's watching Peter. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. playing video games and ball. This much The Manager laughs. the Chuck E. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. skee Brownies are running around. . MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. which causes him to lisp.
SHANE That's not fair. He steps up to the machine. Unless you're scared. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. LULU The Hulk can.. then kicks him in the face. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Lulu screams out with her fighter. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. kneels on his head. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane doesn't like the sound of that.she pins him to the ground. Nobody can jump thirty feet.. then cracks her in half over his knee. stretches. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Then he a joy stick. He cracks his knuckles. They begin. He checks over his shoulder -. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.LULU I pressed two player. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. and then a kick in the face. Shane even get one punch in -. I thought you liked combat. Round three starts. Shane is taking it really seriously. . My joystick's broken. He's really mad. spins her. The second round starts. Lulu picks a small female character. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. SHANE That wasn't a documentary.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls.
the Zhouse is quiet. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed... swing and a miss..stop worrying. INT. Shane's working the joy stick hard.. He and the Brownies sneak away.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. but he can't hit her. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. while he pounds the buttons... it's my job to worry. She keeps dancing. He is KO'd. oops too slow. ZOE . Lulu's having fun now. HOTEL ROOM . INTERCUT WITH: INT. swinging and missing.. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's really fuming.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone..LIVING ROOM .take a shot. Sparks fly.. LULU Too slow. LULU You're not even trying. ZOE Mom -...SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. slamming buttons. come on -.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. It's really annoying.. leaving the sizzling machine. jumping.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. 50. dancing. its joystick dangling by its wires.
. but you know I have to do this. counting them. ZOE I know. The guy's just a control freak. .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. kids everywhere.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. And the folks who read my BLOG.LIVING ROOM . who doesn't seem concerned at all. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. I hate leaving you.. not cool. INT. JULIE It's only a few more days. She turns to Scott. MALL PARKING LOT . everything's cool. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.in my cell. 51. up. loads Brownies into the minivan. ZOE Dude. EXT. I love you. Zoe rolls her eyes. ZOE Dude. we're okay.The Plummer House: . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.Seriously. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. VARIOUS SHOTS . Tonight I'm just doing homework -. this is outta hand. PLUMMER HOUSE . Don't worry.
SHANE . S 52. freestyling in the ball pool -. move! Go go! EXT.they almost always do. Shane grimaces.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. He's holding the diaper. INT..for a long time. He's still down there. CHUCK E. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. MANAGER Relax. CHEESE . out away from him. is fine.. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. SUBURBAN ROAD . He charges across the room with the diaper. move. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.Move. Not okay.. We see what he forgot: PETER. and goes down for the diaper. the Brownies follow. He disappears under the balls -. again. He holds his breath.. Suddenly. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. gasping.LATER . a look of horror comes across Shane's face. SHANE Inexcusable..MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. Silence.not okay. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. Whoa. The Manager is watching him. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. to leave a man behind like that.
Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. INT. Scott. scared. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.'s turntables. making out. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. Shane takes Lulu..KITCHEN . gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. Now. Outraged.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.J. a total wreck. 53.. Reeling. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.. trying to understand. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Shane snatches it mid-air -. vents. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. CLUB lock off the door. at a full run... He protectively guides them past the craziness -. EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.and groans in disbelief. peeing in the bushes. then RUN.. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Peter and Tyler up the path.then CRUSHES the ball. chugging drinks. we're gonna do this . He gets out -. jocks throwing footballs. PLUMMER HOUSE . Party's over. as he pulls up in the Minivan. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. windows.
They see Shane find the CD. He holds it up to a KID. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. residue. trying to maintain his dignity. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling..SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.no highway option. It reads: GHOST. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's eyes narrow. Clean..my way -. through binoculars. He lifts the sofa. INT. in Playtex gloves. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. straightening -. CUT EXT.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. Scott gulps . Oh my god. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. PLOP.CONTINUOUS . mopping. He fumes.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .. In a bathroom. furiously clean. ladies. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk.then he notices something. He hands Scott the mop. Shane goes over them. he takes it off. Miserable TEENS scrub.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. labeled with a Sharpie. Scott and Zoe.. as kids clean. and walk out of sight. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .
Thanks a lot. INT. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. where she throws up. downstairs! He walks down the hall. They show no respect for you or your house. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. you hate us. furniture polished. PLUMMER HOUSE . Because you have no respect for yourself. Shane hands her a handkerchief. After a beat. Rambo. Scott's the last one to leave.. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Zoe blows past him -. Zpounding on doors... Shane . shaky and furious. CUT TO: EXT. He heads upstairs.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Shane stands. Lulu's crying. ueasy. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. outside the bathroom door. (Announces:) Company. she pukes again. helpless. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. and screams in Shane's face. Zoe gets up. PLUMMER HOUSE . My friends will never come here again.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out.. sits down. ZOE I do too respect myself. ZOE .VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Todd picks her up. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. You're like a robot.into the bathroom.
Wielding with great skill. Red 1. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Don't worry. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Go to your rooms. NINJA GHOST -. SHANE You're right. fiercely -. Not even from the enemy. Suddenly. as soon as your mom comes back. Suddenly -. all in black BURST in through the window.. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS.the three fight. He goes down. close-quarters and fast.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Shane spins in fight-stance. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.. I'm gone.. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs..55. They leap down after him.. talking doesn't do any good. TWO NINJAS. tired) It's Scott. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. pounding him with their . SHANE Puberty. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.the power goes out.they're good. The Ninjas attack.hand it over! staffs. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. I'm not the man for this job.
. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. 56 INT.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.then the Ninjas charge. a squeezes . . PLAYROOM . it makes a silly thunk.. With his foot..CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. He pulls the string.. WHACK.. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. Shane crashes down. Shane fends the Ninjas off. facing them. he hits a Ninja in the head. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.. They step back. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. several FURBIES hit the floor.knocking him into. avoiding Legos. Shane runs to the changing table. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. fiercely. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. and uses them both to fend off blows.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. and grabs it. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. The Ninjas move towards him -. toys fly. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. SHANE Okay -. and flings them all over the floor. blinding him. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.
even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. quietly knocks. He sprays it in Shane's face. Shane approaches Zoe's door.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. HALLWAY ..then the door creaks open.. terrified. . SHANE Shhh. Todd and Zoe enter. INT.? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE It's safe. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. The cloud dissipates. Then. blinded.. You can open up..SHANE 57. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. TODD Who were they? What did they want. disappointed to have lost them.. Kids. ANGLE . He A long pause -. It's okay. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.. He runs to the broken window. Shane bangs the window sill. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He squints.. and Shane sees he's now alone. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. that your father invented. Shane isn't sure what to do... fearful. bawling.. he hugs Peter and Lulu. He hugs them. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. He really hugs them.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.
They shake -. He looks Zoe. "Unchained Melody. eye to eye. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.. absolutely nothing pottery . Then. CLOSE-UP . the other kids join in. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Deal? Truce -. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. relieved. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. Then. They want this. They hug him tighter.. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. But nothing's gonna happen to you. startled.a long pause.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.. all smiles. INT. From now on. Shane offers his hand to shake." And then.. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. too.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.they all jump.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.. it's been a long night. Soon.then they hug him. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. 58. And I'm not going anywhere. LIVING ROOM . and do what I say. Zoe answers it. The kids shudder. you listen to me. SHANE They're not after you. Shane is furious -. as long as I'm here. I'll listen to you too.
I'm gonna be sticking even closer. The minivan pulls up. They were looking for GHOST. but they didn't find it. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. two men tried to get into the house tonight.it's okay. It looks like some kind of "key".. But we're not sure what it is. Don't worry -.. You have any luck? JULIE Well. yes and no... She holds up the strange.we'll be just fine. and Shane emerges with the five kids.happened you should worry about.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. EXT. Nope. INTERCUT: INT. SHANE (very genuine) . everyone's fine. We found something in the box.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. students run in to school. We just don't know what its for. SHANE No . They're gone. Plummer. metal two pronged KEY. SHANE Mrs. Shane takes the phone. SCHOOL . . HOTEL ROOM . as soon as the customs paperwork clears...MORNING Early morning.
. Murney stands. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. MURNEY . THE GYM . Peter 60 She smiles. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. They look concerned. she wrecked a driver's Ed. He is gesticulating.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).she'll pay for the damage. "yeah. then BRAKES. So. who sits in the back. He dips an INT. An obstacle course with cones...DAY Driver's Ed.. car -. LULU'S CLASSROOM . and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. and smiles at Shane. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Lulu's classmates all chant. ANGLE on Shane. ANGLE on Lulu. EXT. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. I know it's good. then BRAKES. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . Zoe sits in a folding chair. a crazed TEACHER next to her. egg in some purple dye. HITS the gas. shaking his head.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. squashed at a little desk.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. making a mess of an egg. SCREAMING. Principal Claire next to him. Shane stands off to the side. reacting each time she HITS the gas. mortified.." Then. Shane nods. SHANE Don't worry. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.INT. sunglasses on.
he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. SHANE He's not a NAZI. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Murney calls into the hallway. and I'm not sure what to do.. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.That? Lady drivers.. (pulls Shane aside. what's going on. No.) See if you can talk to the boy.. Zoe shrugs. giving him a "skinhead" look. Todd enters. Shane scowls.. 61.I'm a bit concerned. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.yes. . SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. But this. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. boys will be boys -.. it's not that -.. Shane stops. He does always miss sixth period. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. and Shane walks them out.. And that's not all.. I was doing a little recon in his locker. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. Todd and Zoe stand to go.it's the boy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.. but -. Shane gives Zoe a look.. what do you expect. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.but this is just sick.
stretching. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! .. as he passes. SHANE Another time. Kung team: Shane walks away.. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Murney laughs. kicking him in the BACK. and leaves.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. and keeps walking. Shane walks the kids out. I promise I won't hurt you. huh? (Shane ignores him. MURNEY It's a date then. MURNEY You're a good man. SHANE I'll talk to him. Without warning. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. if you ask me. and Murney chases after him. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.that whole family's no good. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Shane trips forwards to his knees.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. 62. and leaps at Shane. maybe. I'll show you a couple moves. Shane. we'll give these boys a treat.
Shane screws the window shut. and snickers to his Team. keeping the contact.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. running around the corner. but he . he can see Todd. Todd runs towards the house. EXT. Shane parks. SHANE Wait Todd. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. It's pink. so the alarm didn't go off.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. PLUMMER HOUSE . It looks like Shane might fight. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. Nothing. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Shane hops out the window. you're in charge. He starts to shut the window. He enters. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. It's small for him. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. and leaves.. but instead he takes a deep breath. Shane looks out the window -. The window is wide open. do your homework. INT. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Murney his head. He sees Zoe. with a flowered basket. SHANE Smart kid. On the corner. preheat the oven. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. TODD'S ROOM . I want to talk to you. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Shane holds Todd back by the arm.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up.far down the block.shakes Shane turns back. signal me. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. peering out her window. Keep all doors sealed.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
SHANE COMPANY -. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.. weird or something? 66 . He smiles.. Todd looks devastated -...CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. LIESL We don't have a director. Liesl chimes in. it's over... or not? Everyone nods. girls'll think I'm. Shane straightens up.. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane looks at the Cast. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. Todd looks up at Shane.. BEAT. show's off. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.... TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. Shane's glare. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. TODD . Chicks dig guys who can dance... Shane shakes his head. they quickly assemble on stage.What if.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. they're not sure what to do. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.
He peeks in -. SHANE . Shane exits... ZOE . another girl picked up the phone. He turns out the light. INT.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. It's stupid..UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . furious. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. Scott. I know it's no big deal. I promise...Yes.. No wait! . LULU'S ROOM . SHANE Okay..LATER . BREAKING something. INT.. angrily.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. YES WHAT? SHANE .. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. PLUMMER HOUSE . I called him in his room. I don't know why I let it get to me. He hears Zoe in her room. I won't touch him.
setting up the scene with DOLLS.. facility.. ULU Tell me a story... Then he starts: SHANE Okay. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.Uh. Let's see.. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. (MORE) T S L 8. the little Elf family -.. Once there was a family of Elves..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. Stumped.. He sits on the bed. Went into the magic forest. So -they waited for cloud cover. on Lulu's floor. I 6 . Uranium. As Shane finishes the story.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. he illustrates. The elves had to go in and take it out.. To find a secret gnome.. and they came in from the north. Shane looks at her surprised.
. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. He made it up for him. head in the door. . NURSERY . Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.mean standing. from across the hall. lower than the floor. c'mon. The wails get louder and LOUDER... We got `em all... Shane sighs. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Even.. SHANE Oh. And you ain't got a chance. Peter WAILS. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Lulu's fallen asleep.. And not one Elf got left behind that day.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. S 69. and whispers to Peter. and do the Panda Dance. Like dad used to do.Rodriquez... TODD You have to do the dance. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. TODD I'll write it down for you... I can't remember that thing.. or he won't stop. INT. Todd calls from the doorway. Peter starts bawling. Then.... the teeniest little elf of all -. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.
(He does. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Chun. She gets out in shock. Peter applauds.. staring. mortified. through the mirror.. GARAGE . He does the dance as he sings.. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane crab-walks sideways. Shane. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.. They turn to Zoe. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. . with her Gameboy. and gets in the driver's seat. T the A 70. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. terrified. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Shane hops forward three times. He sings again. Shane turns and catches Mr. (Tyler in the snuggle).MORNING . Zoe realizes he's staring at her. The Kids sit bolt upright. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Lulu is next to him. SHANE Today you drive.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan.) EXT. Chun gets his paper. just like the crabs do.Shane sighs. Humiliated.
The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. She pulls out... TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Keep going. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. Touched. MINIVAN . Lulu and Todd are terrified.. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Shane is nervous. Zoe backs jerkily out. INT. The Kids share a dubious look.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. but trying not to show it. Zoe is surprised. no. jerkily.. Shane is shaky. I trust you.I can't even pass driver's Ed.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle.ZOE But -. not the road. Exactly. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. S P .
ZOE Ha ha ha. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. hey head into the school. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. being obnoxious. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. laughing. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane lets him down and heads into school. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack..Claire BARKS out. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Broken promises lead to broken legs. CAFETERIA . severe stare) Now.. Scott's terrified. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Shane spots something. KIDS boisterously run past.. Next lesson. and a little make-up. Zoe smiles.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. EXT. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. INT. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Shane's . Before Scott knows what's happened. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Claire strides into view. Shane jumps out of the car. SHANE Good.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Chastened. Shane unclenches his teeth.71. 1500 hours. Very funny. trembling. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Suddenly -. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).. She's wearing a cute dress. with a few FRIENDS. terrified.
It's a miracle. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well.. SHANE hey eat in silence.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. Love it when he does that. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. She's waiting for him to say.. S he sits beside him. him by the ear. Principal Claire sighs "not again. too.eyes alight. Shane`s not so good at small talk.. you never know who you're going to run into.. S T P . Shane leaps over the table. sailor? Thanks. He smiles back. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Wow. something. She smiles. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. dragging .." In one move. and offers him a milk.
A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Todd looks. boy.. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs.. Freak? The Students snicker.. I quit. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I'm right here. Murney. TODD Hey. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Yeah I do.Murney shoves Todd forward. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. . Murney gets up in Shane's face. intimidated. I want to sing. now it all makes sense. I. Silence. No one's sure they heard him right. It opens Friday. MURNEY Winners never quit. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Murney turns around.. Talk. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria... What're you so scared of. MURNEY I've had it. Then: TODD I am not scared. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. M 73.
Todd's telling the truth.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Let's do it. They look to the ground sheepishly. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. TODD There is a man in my house -. The Gym. The whole team wants to quit.Shane steps them. furious -URNEY So -.and then a mob of Students. You win. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS.face to face. There is a stunned moment -. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. You suck. He storms out. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. taking flyers. Your ass is mine. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. humiliated. So calm. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Murney looks around. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. it's scary S 74.it reads: . protecting him. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting.me. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Everyone is watching. M urney looks over at the Team. Murney did not expect to be called out. His voice cracks -. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. swarm Todd.
Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney.sending him right into the wall. hard. Murney lands on his back. Todd flops to the mat. Murney bounds to his feet. 3:00. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. mumbling something. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. grabs onto Murney's waist.BAM." INT. Shane side-steps. The bleachers are PACKED. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat.3:00 mat. WHAM. Todd cheers Shane on. shocked. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. and sweeps Murney -. Shane throws an arm around Todd. S 75. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. quietly twitching on the ground."Murney's getting his ass kicked. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. M URNEY on. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. rushes Shane. and they head out. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Murney. GYM .
They walk out. Claire. LULU We're Brownies. When I Rwanda.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. . I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . that's all. fascinated. Shane S smiles at her as he passes.Dislocated nerve. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. The crowd cheers. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. TODD That was awesome. TO: EXT. She gives him a thumbs up. BUGS. I got my troops waiting. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. 76 SHANE either. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. Todd. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. FOREST . No brownies edible. If you're not sure. too. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK.
where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. and. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. she burns rubber. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. He laughs at his own joke. He signals her. EXT. PUNCH. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.fascinated. the Girls PUNCH. here at the top of the stairs. MALL PARKING LOT . KICK. he reaches out and rocks it. The Kids don't get it.she hits EVERY ONE -.." INT.. in between punches. PUNCH.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . Shane holds a stopwatch. here. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. INT.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. In unison.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them..the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.FRONT LAWN .. Zoe . He illustrates the stage directions. EXT. OLD FACTORY . KICK..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. The Duck watches all this -. in perfect tempo.we'll put Von Trapps here. NURSERY .
DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. EXT. They watch closely.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.. The Brownies attack. but doesn't fall. PLUMMER HOUSE .FRONT LAWN . your life little girl. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. mercilessly.. T I E 77. He counts begins wriggling free.. INT..BACK YARD . is an empty page/that men will want to write on. PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT . it teeters. ODD . He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. OLD FACTORY . ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. EXT. she only clips one. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards." Lulu.2. in we WIDEN back. INT.. NURSERY . EXT.out and weaves the cones. Hands a T ... blur.DAY -"1. Shane gives her a signal.3.
MONTAGE ENDS EXT. 8. But sweet dreams. Again. Graceful. Peter. Peter Panda." Singing and doing all the moves -. odd tries the spinning kick. daddy. Graceful. adding a James Brown flourish. SHANE I'm not your daddy. NURSERY . From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Then he tucks Peter in. he almost bursts into tears. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. INT.he's got it down. Todd tries the kick. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.huh? Now.hard. but blows it. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. He kisses Peter on the forehead. Shane performs the "Panda Dance.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. He does a spin kick. Shane is so touched.EVENING . SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. now and then. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Peter. THUD! Gazelle. U Shane BLOWS the whistle.
they LAUGH. You're gonna have to pay for that. S SHANE That's my troop. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. the Other Scouts are scared. see them. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. 9. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. INT. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. at their own table. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. scary.in a FLIP. she wraps it around his arm. He smiles.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. FORMATION. tying him. he lands on the ground hard.MOMMY! She lets him go -. As he's comparing prices -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. The . but like lightning. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The Scout struggles. wearing the double snuggle. the Chubby Cub Scouts. The Scouts share a look -. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. Across the lot. striking a cool pose.he sees. In one move.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. proud.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
Shane answers it. talking excitedly.SHANE He's left alone.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . ANGLE . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. the kids are all abuzz. J 82. A tear runs down Zoe's face. HALLWAY . BACK YARD .soldier. HOTEL .CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. She throws her arms around Shane. OE I never even got to say good bye. WITH: J INT. happy. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. The phone rings. INT. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. EXT. we're on the first plane in the morning.
Suddenly. No reason for personal attachments. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Shane sits in a lawn chair. he Duck stares. hane rises. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. your wings aren't clipped. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Three squares a day. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. the Duck starts quacking. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool..NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE Just another assignment. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. GARAGE . with.. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.The house is dark. He pets the Duck. Shane sighs morosely. unblinking. Shane turns. Gary sits in the next chair. Kids to play S . INT.
and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. shines it down the grate. No hinges or cracks. He tries muscles rippling.. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. GARAGE . crack the lock all night. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. The break in its surface is a strange... we see a CRANK WHEEL. unsuccessfully. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Lulu hands him a tool. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.... .SHANE What happened. Nothing. leading below the garage.. and then it gives. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . The Kids are watching his progress. INTERC UT: B harder.. INT. DISSOLVE INT. he floor opens. Shane dials a phone. Shane steps down it. Shane looks on stunned. He's been trying. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. The wheel spins. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. only It's solid and inscrutable. TO: to S 84.
Bill reacts.. I think I found GHOST. GARAGE . An ominous pause.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Julie sits beside him.Lulu. She looks stricken. Away from Shane. he answers it. It's in a steel vault. We'll be there shortly -. Everyone reacts happily. sir. GARAGE .EXT. Then we slowly MOVE UP.. Bill's cell phone rings. Do you have it? SHANE No.. and hangs up.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.. towards the neighbor's house. TO: INT. I've been trying all night. After we turn this in to my CO. pleased. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. can't crack it. GHOST. TO: INT. SEDAN . Silently spying on Shane. don't do anything further. Except for -. W e PUSH INTO the house. relieved. Through a window.don't do anything `til I get there. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Okay. BILL . excited. MRS. CHUN CUT BACK .. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work..
Lulu? You should be happy. INT. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music).SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. HOUSE . in the next room.SHANE He goes silent.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.they hear.. The fish tank is clear.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. The rug is vacuumed.. he has no answer. in shock.O. J JULIE'S P. I 85. so they probably trashed the place. Bill is carrying her suitcases. Julie and Bill hop out.: The house is spotless.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . SHANE You guys better get ready. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. LULU But. JULIE'S HOUSE . Tongue-tied. should be home soon. Shane -. She trails off. KIDS VOICES .V. Kids singing a beautiful.. comes into the dark hall. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.
. DINING ROOM .. Across the room. Lulu has bows in her hair.. The Kids rush forward and hug her. She staggers to. Lieutenant. S SHANE Captain. Zoe is in a conservative dress. with songs they have sung. featuring Todd. Bill steadies her. mom. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. Dumb-struck. Shane sees Bill enter. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. She sees.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. then salutes back) Good job. INT. INT.. a capella) . no dishes in the sink. 8 JULIE almost faints. for a thousand years. picture- . ( B 6. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. KITCHEN . Peter is fresh faced.(singing. smiling. ZOE Welcome home. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Julie starts bawling.. Julie goes to the. BILL (he smiles wryly.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean...
.. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . And I think I want to explore that some more. SHANE That's kind of you.INT. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. Shane continues. Shane. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. reluctant.. an ANGRY VOICE. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Sir. Suddenly. GARAGE .DAY Shane leads Bill inside. Bill stops. anywhere you want. Bill holds the pronged key. all I've never known is the military. You just name it. pause) But I'll have to think about it. surprised. BILL I should hope not. S S 87. ILL I'm really proud of you. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.
. while SLAMMING their heads together.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. confused.. then passes out... MRS.. He takes a submissive position. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. Chun comes closer. Things are spinning. and Mrs. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. He turns. hane takes control! He smiles. Mrs.SHANE Lights out.. and starts to fall. SHANE'S POV woozy. Chun.. B 88. startled. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled. Mr. Shane shoots Bill a glance. Disoriented. He is losing consciousness. GUNS DRAWN. CLOSE-UP . They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. .Shane and Bill spin. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Shane peers in confusion. he looks up as he drops. There were delays...when suddenly. reaching for Bill's key.. relishing a second of glory -.
They whimper. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. 9. Bill and Mrs. He GAGS the kids.BLACK. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. reaching.. INT. They THE VAULT! Spare. (to Mr. livid. They anxiously tiptoe.. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. tied up. The floor is covered with square tiles. Beside the safe is a red switch. Chun approach the steel door.. Bill checks the knots binding the children. with two . INT. Bill and Mrs. bright and white. The Korean Man (Mr. scared. and it CLICKS. Charles trusted you. Inside is a dark corridor. Chun) secures the room. JULIE I trusted you. Julie glares. You -. The Kids are furious.with me. closing the window shades.. NURSERY . 8 Bill grins. ILL North Korea pays better.. exit. So did the Department of Defense.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. Chun) Keep an eye on them. FADE IN: INT.. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Peter has a JUICE BOX. GARAGE . then slides OPEN! enter. The door HUMS.
Bill eyes the safe. It's set on ARMED. Mr. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. But behind her back. INT. she hits her panic button! O. like a monstrous computer. horrified -. quickly assuming a fake bound position. startled -.S.. The air is filled with an ominous. then leans back against Zoe. eyeballing them icily. done. BEEPING. MRS. the Chun spins. completely SINGED OFF. as if she hadn't moved. but the of her jacket is on fire.. Chun is Bokay.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Lulu frowns. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. Mr. He sneers. MRS. Lulu "looks" scared. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. HOUSE .. Chun whirls -. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. Chun guards the kids..and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. With a rapid blur of finger-work..the Kids look innocent.SAME TIME Mr. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.needing a distraction. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . had eyebrows. She confidently strides toward the safe -.. Mrs. she unties Zoe! Then -. Tyler GASPS. off shoulder eyebrows.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. low-pitched HUM. MR. CHUN Just.. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. CHUN But I've got some C4. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. then Mr.
Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun scowls. Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Lulu runs. when he's at her level. HAM without warning. slamming the door behind her. CHUN That's cute. Skeptical. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. It HURTS. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. then. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Mr. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. he drops to his knees in pain.W Z 90.. Chun's leg. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. . Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's face. Chun looks at Lulu. They untie Julie. snake-like move. Chun's head. BEHIND TODD . Chun growls and starts to stagger up. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Mr. he steps closer.. Chun laughs: MR. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet...
CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. I INT. M E M 91.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. Chun's face. DONNGGG -. Bill lurches into view. He sticks his face out the hole. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. NURSERY . INT.. clutching her! The .but as Julie exits. but the door won't budge. INT. Chun punches the door. He yells out furious! MR.CONTINUOUS Mr.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.. making a small hole.. FRONT DOOR . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. they're trapped inside.doorknob. Chun falls back from the door..CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. his face COATED in white. INT.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. She SCREAMS. NURSERY . AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.
CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. they're not going anywhere. She floors it.. INT.CONTINUOUS r. They start to run back. Chun listens to Mr. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.kids are horrified. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. then nod and run to the side garage. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. MINIVAN . . MR. unsure. Chun comes racing around the house -.. Mrs. HOUSE .I've got the keys.. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. EXT.. ARGHH! driveway. Chun THE RADIO. CHUN Chun falls.
Don't make me kill you too. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. chilled. oe runs a yellow. I wouldn't have killed him so soon.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. VAN . a CRACKLING of static.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.. B . They step past Shane's body. INT. GARAGE . Chun exits the vault.. It's getting old.Charles didn't tell me about the room.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. INT. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Mrs. holding a military RADIO. Then. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. leading her to the secret door. lying on the concrete. gaining on them. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Julie GASPS.
ill eyes him. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. ZOE . Bring them back unharmed. my husband has question: MR.DAY The vehicles race. EXT. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.SHANE They look over -. Chun zooming by.S. BILL Change of plan.Shane is standing in the doorway. I'll get you in. half on the sidewalk... to cut them off! INT. ANGLE . everyone looks down.93.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Bill deciding if he can trust him. It's like a chariot race. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.he clicks "talk" on the radio. SHANE (O. ILL . He does something we can't see. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's B risky. as Zoe drives. Bill. they might wreck. CHUN Mr. BUSY STREET . don't hurt the kids.. He tries to pass them on the right.) Bill. Do it. Surprised. MINIVAN .. emotional. The men stare down.. MRS. just please don't hurt anyone. Bill uncuffs Shane.. Then -.
Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him... CRASH!! The kids cheer. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. In the van. Chun SCREAMS. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Bill waits impatiently. Chun holds Julie. triumphant. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Shane is figuring his options. Mr. Mr. It throws Mr. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Chun with debris: milk cartons.. . Chun ROLLS UP his window. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Chun off for a beat. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it.. She Mr. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. M R.. Hair spray.What's taking you? 94. crayons. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.. Exasperated.. SECRET VAULT .. orange peels. and loses control. Zoe looks over. disoriented. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. Mr. Mrs. Peter laughs. INT. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.
Shane steps forward. Shane SQUIRTS it. Shane gets up. Tyler! Bill reacts. Lulu. Peter. Bill laughs. BILL Code or no code.. . ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. ill cocks his gun. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Todd. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Shane steps forward . SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. in pain. sending him flying backwards.A bewildered beat -.. over one beam and ducking under another -. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. landing on his hands and knees. Watch.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. go get it -. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. puzzled. Shane leaps back.now. He speaks aloud. confidently: J B B 95 .
. He steps sideway. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He thinks. then back: smiles. Shane he steps forwards. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.SHANE Shane's thinks. fearlessly. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. NOTHING HAPPENS. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. lower than the floor.they have no idea what he's laughing about.. and do the Peter Panda Dance. When you're down and low.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. not quite centered to the room. Bill and Julie share a look -.NOTHING HAPPENS. across two tiles. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). Julie relieved. And you haven't got a chance. Shane LAUGHS sharply. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . CLOSE-UP . E 96 . Again -. He feels the Groove. . Something she said. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. just like the crabs do. He takes a deep breath. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.
When he steps back -.it takes a while. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Use the gas. Don't follow me! . Inside is the Cute Cop. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Zoe blows past it.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. EXT. he'd be toast. his focus gone. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. 9 7. 5-0. and our bodyguard -. and he catches up with the minivan -. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. they're FLYING. The Squad Car's lights flash on. ZOE Come on.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. BUSY INTERSECTION . from the ceiling.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. If he'd been standing. They have my mom. not the brake.
at a safe distance. INT.. sliding forward. I accept full responsibility. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. .. My intelligence proved to be faulty. She shakes her head. SCHOOL .MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Following the chase. Zoe U-turns. but if I had more resources.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. It's acid. EXT. and speeds back towards her house. The Squad Car is on its tail. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. is Mr. Claire frowns.. nervously. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. the Minivan SPEEDS by. 98. concerned. Then better jump quick. PLUMMER BASEMENT .SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. NECK-BRACE. pool of liquid. almost running it off road. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.. SUBURBAN STREET . Squad Car turns around and chases her. EXT. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. like there ain't no floor.
if you're willing to join up.he waves his hand over the floor. Beat." . Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. All that we stand for. Chun to go first. BILL Thank you. He nervously steps forward . Nothing happens.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. disgusted. He holds his breath just in time. Finally.. and jump to the left. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Chun follows. I knew you'd figure it out. And you betrayed all of that. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. "Just hold your breath. Shane. He lands in front of THE SAFE. The whole room goes SILENT. Bill signals for Mrs. What do you say -. Mrs. pulling Julie along. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Whew. and jumps back. Bill shrugs.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. She gestures back: you go. 99. sir. BILL I'll take that as a "no. He's relieved -. You were always my best man.and walks across the room. Bill takes a breath -. He flips the switch to DISARMED.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. almost done." He jumps. Immediately. Shane scowls. Bill looks around. It's a stand-off. The safe's red light turns green. to calm down) Almost done.. to the left of the HOLE.
Bill is incensed. legs! He's crazed. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.. and touches the dial. SHANE There will be no mercy. I walked the floor first. BILL None requested. Bill LUNGES. She turns it. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. unrelenting. Bill gestures to Mrs. Relief. Shane shrugs. Shane reaches for the safe. Reluctantly .Bill turns to the safe.. shaking from the voltage. Chun. But suddenly Mrs. but Shane gazes coldly. He starts to reach for the dial. head.Mrs. Full of himself. then PUNCHES him in the gut. BILL (CONT'D) . You open it. Something's not right. . her hair on end.. Mrs. Chun reaches out. MRS.. Chun LEAPS onto his back. then catches himself. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Bill is off guard. Chun doesn't budge. SIZZLING. I think you better open it. hitting Bill's arms. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. trying to read Shane's poker face. Nothing happens. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges... CHUN AAAAAA! 100.
Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. stumbles backwards across the room. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. ANGLE . SHANE You're a. Say. spin. then whispers/sings. Shane COLD-COCKS her. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest..O. Suddenly. They punch. The Police Cars . and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. She smiles.. landing on his back in front of the safe. Shane tumbles. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. OOF! Bill tumbles. He jumps to his feet. the wind knocked out of him. which Shane deflects -. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. It's clear the both have the same training. kick. She catapults. Shane shakes his head. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. SHANE .BILL He steps over Shane. delivering a series of hard punches. chase after.they tangle like pro's. good night. terrible neighbor. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. But he's unforgiving. knocking her out. saved. unable to gain her balance. SIRENS wailing. K. IN THE VAN. tottering. PLUMMER'S STREET . Shane narrows his eyes. Shane struggles to lose her. Bill is charging him. he drops and FLIPS her. Leering mercilessly.! EXT.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house.. connecting only occasionally. everyone is SCREAMING.
O.and hits a tree. Now we can go back to our peaceful. then look in the safe: Inside. SHANE . then BRAKES. They look in silence. The van SKIDS. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. Then -. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. smoke BURNING from the tires -. grateful. INT. Cops surround them. from the car. Shane steps out. It's finally over.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. The kids clamber from the van. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.... Shane gently removes it. GHOST.. But it's too late.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V.101. with their hands raised.SAME TIME Total commotion. The Kid spill out and run. SECRET VAULT . JULIE Thank you Shane. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. HOUSE . Whoa. She smiles at Shane. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . The garage door raises.
Shane spins. He scoffs. ZOE But. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Even Chun is amazed. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins...) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Shane weighs his not so many options. I suggest you call the FBI. Mr. officer. Now. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. MR. you're in a lot of trouble. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM... and grabs the MR. But then -. Zoe.a CRAZED SCREAM.S. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. uh.CUTE COP FREEZE. triumphant. Nobody is sure what to do. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. The Cops are unsure what to do. He's disheveled and manic.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. Numerous. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. helpless. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. as he turns his head. vaults onto Chun. 10 2. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. CHUN (O.. Silence. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Chun stands inside the gate... Julie and Shane Freeze.
Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. COP I think I'll call the FBI.rocket launcher. then walks off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. that was nice work. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. AGENTS swarm the area. ANGLE . CLOSE-UP .B. 103. F .B.LATER F. he . AGENT Mr. PLUMMER HOUSE . You're a one-man battalion. Julie huddles with the kids.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. Shane examines it. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. swelling with pride.B. watching the FBI Agents work.. Shane talks with an F.I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. CLOSE-UP . GARAGE .I. Wolfe. INT. SHANE Just doing my job. Agent. This chaos is unsolvable. F..B.I.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.I.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. reaches for his radio.
SHANE Well. SHANE . EXT. Does it itch? Yes.I want to say: I love you more than anything. You're the superior office. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.. Peter.Maui? .. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. and Julie notice.. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. You tell me. He looks around: at the family. She sees.. a letter. Summer's almost here.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Shane looks at her. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Mock-angry. and gather around.. He looks at Claire.. Zoe. Lulu -. I'm kinda..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. On. re-conning the situation. 104.Yes. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. then Julie found the key. A tear comes to her eye. here. Her siblings. Todd. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. fallen onto the floor. from the safe. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . And to tell the truth. I don't know.. The Plummers hug each other. Julie. Tyler.. say -. I'm on dry land. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else.. I always have.
to shake his. baffled. ZOE But. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Guess you have to go now. interrupting.he hugs the whole family at once.. Julie looks up. A long beat. She puts out her hand. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. Thank you. He squeezes her hand around it. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. SHANE Ah. For everything. He starts to head off. sad.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Shane bawls -... I'm gonna .Sir yes sir.his medal. Zoe gives them a look -.SHANE This is too much. Lulu turns to Shane. come here you. 105. squeezing them off the ground. SHANE Claire beams. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about.. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. He wipes his face. Shane. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. TIGHT . Like he did. P ETER Love you. LULU This is it. Your work here is through. The Plummers all approach.he can't keep it in. He puts them down.
CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. They all watch. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06.a Michael Jordan dunk. She is surrounded by her children. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. hit your marks. BACKSTAGE . Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family." Hearts swell. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Todd spins. VICTORIA THEATRE. his hair combed. even Murney. Julie watches in astonishment.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. A STANDING OVATION. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Shane stands. the little Brownie Troop. It's fantastic -. rapt. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION. until he sits back down. Farewell. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Shane watches with bated breath. beaming with pride. You Are Sixteen begins. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. Scott: in a suit. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. Claire: dressed to the nines." In the audience.
-The. FADE OUT. He humbly steps into view -.and the house goes crazy. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Thundering applause.calls. Shane smiles. touched.com/scripts/Pacifier. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.html on December 9 2010 . Mission accomplished.imsdb. THE END http://www.