THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

they're almost out of ammo. As the water rises. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water.. over his head. PLUMMER How did you know where I.SIMULTANEOUS 4. He cuts the Professor's GAG. United States Navy. He's gone. One of our SEALS calls out to them.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room.. when I say it. SHIP'S HOLD . . When it finally opens. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Plummer screams. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. But you have to do exactly what I say. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. My way -. He tries force the door open.. Up to his nose. Shane removes his mouth piece. to the highway option. terrified. Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist.. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. but can't get free. him his oxygen. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. I'm gonna get you outta here.. hauling the Professor up. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. ON THE DECK . INT. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.

It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. and pulls himself. INT. then disappear gracefully back into the water. HELICOPTER . SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane takes a deep breath. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. terrified..The Seal calls out: "shoot more. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. 5. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SHANE INT.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. more!" They do. holding the Professor. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . Hold on. clearly he loves this kind of day.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. HELICOPTER .. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. He . EXT. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. OCEAN'S SURFACE . pulling the Professor in behind him. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. INT.

Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Lieutenant. CHARLES Lieutenant. She thinks I'm dead. EXT. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. how'd we. PLUMMER Oh my God.. waits. Not imperative to the mission. the Professor looks terrified. Charles stops Shane. . rotors whirling slowly. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. shutting him up. thank you.. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Please.. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. I can't believe you. We have to keep moving. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. That was the most incredible.beside him. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. I'm just not big on chit chat.. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. CHARLES I'm safe..

Shane considers.. I'm alive. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -..Charles picks up his briefcase. back to him... puzzled. All goes . Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. RUN!!! black. PAVE HAWK . And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. I have a picture of my kids in here. Charles dials.couldn't crack it. Todd. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. you want to see it? Negative. knocked unconscious. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Designed it myself.. and talks. Tyler. I do security. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Shane drops. It's voice activated. The briefcase pops open. DEAD. Charles dials his cell phone. PILOT sits.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. WHAM. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. INT. Lulu. that's my specialty.. then hands him his satellite phone. Peter... CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane looks at him.

DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. I know sir. You're the best man I ever trained. and takes Charles' Briefcase. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .V. His arm and face bandaged. in slow-motion. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. PAVE HAWK . grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.O. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites. There is huge explosion.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. HOSPITAL . SHANE . but he does it anyway. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.: Everything is a blur. barely conscious. A Huey Helicopter lands. And a good friend. He takes a long look at Shane. He sees Charles. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Bill sits down beside the bed.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.7. Shane reaches out. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.friendly. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Everything is ablaze. sir. unconscious. hurts to salute.. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. He holds a REPORT in his hand. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. He looks around. EXT. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. despondent. SHANE'S P. Captain..

Thank you. BILL .a genius. . Invigorated. Bill shakes his head. He called it G. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.S. as I stated in my report. I. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.T. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. 8.H. disappointed. I'm gonna need the mini sub. Bill considers this.S. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. appreciate your confidence..O.SHANE He had to call his family. Shane sits up. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. he pulls off bandages. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. It's not that kind of mission.T..O. and starts to rise. He can't believe his good fortune. SHANE Sir.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. and sits opposite Shane. He pulls up a chair.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. Then.. G. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. disconnects an IV. SHANE The case was empty sir. BILL Not a surprise.. really. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. is still out there.H.

It's just that. Maybe it is.. Searched the place.if anything happens to me. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared... I'm alive. Shane is surprised. maybe it isn't..T. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.S. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. I need someone to stay at that house. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket.S. anyway. (MORE) 9...NIGHT . sir. top to bottom. Shane is shocked. The family's scared. Widow. presses play. Whoever killed the professor must think G. I got a call from the professor's wife. call Lt. and protect them.O. intrigued. Either way. sir. CUT TO: INT.. Not even when I was a kid sir. She told me someone had broken into her home. SHANE'S APARTMENT . And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. Shane Wolfe.Shane listens. CHARLES (O. BILL . I'll call you in an hour. He's a good man. BILL The professor's wife requested you. I've never been very good with kids. I should go. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. is in that house. I love you.H..) Honey. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. hearing the dead man's voice..

Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.Shane packs his duffel bag.. machete. with toys all over the lawn..O. He reaches in. they all go in. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. He looks at for a moment. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Hm.. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. we're not interested. 10. night vision goggles. It SQUEAKS. Shane eyes Lulu.s. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. EMALE VOICE (o. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. He rejects it. camouflage vest. peering up at him. Shane's P. Shane looks like a bad ass. Lulu eyes Shane. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane heads to the door.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. identical to the one he wears. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). ready for anything. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.and sees LULU. Shane frowns. Shane double-checks the address. The sprinklers go off.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.then the door swings open. EXT.V. and pulls out a small. . Shane looks down -. 8. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. also identical to the one he wears.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

We slowly pull out. entersJULIE I'll be there. it's Bill Fawcett. Shane.MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. The phone RINGS inside. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.s.s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.) Julie. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Julie casually answers it. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.) There's a catch. Julie and Shane share a look.. BILL (o. I think it could contain GHOST. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Through the window. listening to the conversation. through the kitchen window.NIGHT Shane. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. INT. I have some potentially good news. 14.s. LIVING ROOM ..the family eats dinner. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .Nighttime -. Helga will . JULIE That's wonderful.. This could all be over! BILL (o.. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. INT. with her suitcase.

JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. Helga will take care of everything else. I love you guys. I'm gonna miss you. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. do it.handle everything. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. And guys. And on the phone.. H S . it's my job to worry. chill. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. Mrs. Plummer.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. HELGA Everything will be fine. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. I'll be back in 48 hours.we'll be fine. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. ZOE Mom -. I am a mom.. SHANE Don't worry. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.. are you licensed to kill? . They'll be safe with me.. . No. it's just.. And on the back door...

looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane turns off the light. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears..) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . SHANE (CONT'D) ..NIGHT Shane. You do something.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. I make bottle. INT.5. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. INT.. can't find him. when in the corner of his eye -..s. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . elga stomps out.. on a short ladder. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. Shane shakes his head. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.NIGHT hane rushes in -. pouring in Cheerios.. Gary suddenly FLIES by . WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Immediately.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. He shuts off the - . Shane heads down the hall. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.

revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. S COTT . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. ZOE He's my boyfriend.BACK YARD . SHANE Not with this kid..CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. . calling out from across the street. He's dazed. I'll call you. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. come on Scott.go back inside. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. house like a marionette. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe! . jumps onto the trampoline. 16. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Shane runs. Shane LIFTING him in the air. tool. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. runs off. ZOE Okay. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.window alarm and sneaks out silently.. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.. but alright. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. They both tumble to the ground. EXT.. Zoe -. fine. SHANE So you're the one who broke in.

THE CHUNS. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Shane's about to head inside. Oh. and we found this in our pool filter. The Alarm's still blaring. They're arguing with each other in Korean. pop their heads out. We had an intruder. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. we own a bakery. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. I INT. fuming. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .Zoe storms inside. MR. SHANE My apologies. CHUN (perfect English. CHUN Thanks a bunch. MR. Sorry. Shane addresses them. Kojak. A simple misunderstanding.NIGHT ... Look... no accent) We speak English. Oh. Shane stands there. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE MRS.. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. CHUN .. huh baby-sitter? Mr. The alarm stops. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. so we're up kind of early. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry.

SHANE Not anymore.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Zoe falls backwards into the room. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. continues down the hall. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Shane shuts her door. And you feel like you ain't got a dad? Zoe starts to turn -. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.) sing). He "hops" her down the hall to her room. ZOE Who do you think you are -. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. lower than the floor. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. . Shane marches back down the hall. She has to hop on one foot. S W 1 8. Loud.s. Bite me! Shane frowns. You should have told her the truth. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane flips her foot in the air.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. to not fall over.

he wriggles on the floor. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. In the bedrooms. just like the crabs do.laugh and laugh. Three steps forward. to their beds. EXT. HOUSE . Then jumps up.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. She does. T Z Z T 19. Peter in his bed. The Children. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. warm orange light. and do the Peter Panda Dance.groove. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. then "crab-walks" sideways. in bed -. one step back. INT. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. . Shane shakes his head. PLUMMER HOUSE .

Suddenly his door flies open -. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Covering their ears.MORNING Todd sits up. 20 . INT.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. ODD It's Sunday. Helga runs through in hair curlers. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. not understanding what's happening. motionless. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. disoriented. Move. L Move.m. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. TODD'S ROOM . The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Todd blinks groggily. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Not in front of the kids.odd is out cold.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. half-asleep and angry. S . carrying the crying baby. oe is wrapped in blankets. You're insane. HALLWAY .! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.. like she's been electrocuted.

do you. L 21.) Shane's jaw drops. INT. in Romanian. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.. KITCHEN . ladies. shocked.. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. sucking on a bottle. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.. No highway option. .he gives him a look of disbelief.LATER The children are assembled. HELGA (She curses Again. Your behavior is unacceptable. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks you. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. lined up tallest to shortest. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.

or you're dead. Shane bounds up the stairs. Shane tries to maintain better be dying. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Everyone stares blankly -. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. I tell you what to do -.(pointing) Red 1. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. S ULU (CONT'D) . Angry. SHANE Tracking devices. He tries the knob. Red baby. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. he's furious.and you do it. ZOE He's in his room. ZOE I am not wearing that. He yells at her.a tense silence. wait. Red Leader. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. End of chain. Touch that -. INT..Shane starts to speak then thinks better. where's the older male? There were five. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Everyone cracks up. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane bangs hard on it. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.... Never take them off. So you are -. P eter farted. but it's locked. Red 2. Now that I know I can't trust you. The panic button is only for emergencies.

this wouldn't have happened.LATER ZOE . Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Todd nods in agreement. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Zoe comes up the stairs. Oops. the destroyed door and wall. and Todd comes sauntering back.they glare at Shane.. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. She stops at Todd's door -. to her room. Shane steps aside. then CRASHES inward. and head down the hall. If you'd been wearing it. INT. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. PLUMMER HOUSE . hits Shane on the head.NIGHT The bathroom door opens.a FLUSH.22. The entire frame collapses.. INT.. I can fix this.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. He sees Shane. patrolling. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. He has to go. Down the hall -. A piece of the ceiling falls.. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.MORNING . INT. HALLWAY .

hey. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. He pretends to be a ghost. Daddy even said so. And then it hits Shane. he hears something suspicious -. clicks his alarm remote opens it.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Lulu SHANE Hey. He said there's a ghost. PAPERBOY (O. Shane turns. He rushes for the front door. Peter Booos again. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. His head shifts. wearing a towel as a sheet. to see that Peter is chasing her. just as -. L S 23.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches.LATER . From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.WHACK -.S. INT. hard.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Really? His eyes light up.the rumble of a car approaching. Lulu hides behind Shane. I don't know. HALLWAY . LULU This house is haunted. Peter! screams. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.

. Zoe whispers.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. carrying a huge laundry basket. ZOE Here he comes. When he hears an alert from his laptop.. BANGING her head and ass on each step. inally.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. She screams. T IGHT .. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.. appears. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.Shane walks slowly down the hall. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.a creak. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. I INT. Searching. He goes back to the living room. scanning the ceiling. He RAPS again. Nothing. listening for hollow spaces. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. MR. as laundry flutters down from above. Shane scans it. STAIRWAY . takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. all the way down. pushing. F . feeling. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Then -.. then turns his attention to his laptop.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.ZOE AND TODD .

mouthing along in FRENCH. They wait patiently -. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. I can't. we're going to have to file a complaint. Then looks back to the paperwork. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. He jumps to his feet. this is an urgent matter. EXT. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. He licks his finger again. SWISS BANK .til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. He feebly gets up. looking jet-lagged. If we can't get some faster service. ZOE Uh-oh. BANKER Marcel! out. . terrified. SWISS BANK . then licks his finger to turn the page.They gulp. 25. Not in Switzerland. Bill can't stand it anymore. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER.DAY Establishing. It's taking him a LONG time. The Banker looks at him blankly.DAY Bill and Julie. INT. He seems to be about 100 years old. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. but can't get the page to turn. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk.

remain calm -- 26. Peter's in the aquarium. and Helga dashes for the door. I QUIT. HELGA I am calm. Shane picks up the receiver. the chief does not speak English. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. The duck flies around. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. The suitcase handle breaks off. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Oui. But I can tell you -. Shane moves for the phone. He DRAGS her back. QUACKING. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) . As soon as your background checks clear. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. RING! Amid the chaos. PLUMMER HOUSE . suitcases in hand. MARCEL.Shane tries to block her path. How long is that? will have access to the box tout-suite. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. He grabs her suitcase.Another Banker. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. grabbing her foot. As she tries to wrestle it away.SAME TIME Helga. enters. Shane dives. heads to the door -.

Shane hangs up the phone. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . (covering the phone. Duty.. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.. Helga struggles to get him off. HOUSE .CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Helga scampers out the door. Just doing my.. Shane lets go. 27.. He picks up his hand.Helga falls forwards. Shane body-checks it closed. against the counter. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. CRUNCH. Mrs. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Mrs.Ah.everything's fine. and Shane falls back. Plummer. that landed on a diaper. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Plummer. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand.

Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. There's been a change of plans. ANGLE .. if she loves you. Helga glares back.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. dumbfounded. In the meantime. to find the kids are all gloomy.. He drops his head. INT. takes a deep breath and strides inside. in the rear window. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.Helga jumps in the cab. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. The 28..he slowly glances up. .SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. Then -. SHANE Okay. we're just gonna have some more big fun. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up..SHANE Rises. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. ANGLE . she'll come back. listen up. defeated. HOUSE . baby cries.

it flops open. Until -. repelled.. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. INT.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. I'm Navy. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. Pure self-preservation. SShane GROANS. All for one. takes a deep breath.SHANE He gulps. Nobody will help. everyone bolts from the room. Using the tools as chopsticks.. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. holding his nose. Only then can we rise to the challenge. BATHROOM . and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. And then -. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. HEY! Even Peter runs. . inundated. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. 29. nice moment.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SHANE Whoa. your enthusiasm. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. CLOSE-UP .

he can't do it. Aghast. . INT. he looks around for a solution. Shane tries approaching -.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall.SHANE The things I do for my country. I think you're cute. she just stares at him. like a puppy. SHANE (unsure how to respond. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. LULU Hi. Lulu doesn't go away. Lulu is in her pj's. She follows. then FLUSHES. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. 30.. he looks down to see Lulu. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. HALLWAY . SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Lulu follows at his heels.. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.) Thank you. over and over and over.

proud of his accomplishment. I can get lots more of those. all the kids asleep. INT.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. and shuts off her light. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. The Kids stare at "breakfast. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. KITCHEN . The kids sit down at their designated spots. like he's an idiot. Lulu looks at him. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level.Shane walks room to room. Shane smiles. All the lights are out. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. And I've survived off this stuff for months. in beddibye land. and patrols. little girl. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. 31. pulling down the shades on every window." dubious. .BREAKFAST .it's time for you take a nappypoo. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.

he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. Peter starts bawling. .. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Wanna see? Negative. Peter stands in his chair. Shane answers. ladies. crying. If I say in.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. ZOE He's only two. all for one.. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. then at Tyler -. I can cross my eyes. too.. you go out. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. So -.. (then:) Yes. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. trying to hear over the screaming. We're gonna pull together..who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Shane sighs. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. dancing.. And the phone rings. one for not here to take care of you now.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. LULU .. Shane turns to Lulu. He runs away. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. if I say's how it's gonna be.. Your mama -... you stay in.

The Minivan skids completely sideways. Across his chest. A big suburban school. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. He wants to see you in his office.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . Zoe smiles at him.p. It hits ZERO. legal guardian. It just doesn't add up. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. and at that . He hangs up... EXT.. innocently. Oh. SHANE Not on my watch. dramatically unveiling Shane. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. GARAGE . backwards at sixty m. EXT.. He said if you're late again. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. INT.M.. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. Shane fumbles with it for a while.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. GARAGE . Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. With your . yes. perfect parallel park. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Thank you. sir... Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. INT.9:29 A.a death defying.h. into a TINY parking spot -. you and Todd are expelled. LULU We're gonna be late. I know it's Monday.

I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. V. Murney is unimpressed. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. holding Peter on a harness. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. assured. tough. Out of twenty-three. Well. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle.. Duane. . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Top to bottom. boy. The Kids are seated around him. son? SHANE Wolfe.moment. You're in my house now. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. He withers. They're the worst students in my school. too. mortified.P in charge of discipline. conduct and truancy. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. He glares at Shane. Shane. The Kids crack up. I'm Murphy. Plummer finally listened. K thru 12. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Looks like Mrs.. Murney is furious. She's attractive. a few days. as he plays on the floor. He's HUGE and mean. whatever work you can get. they needed a parole officer. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. Lieutenant.

I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. The teens hustle off to their classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. I think I can handle this from here. Good. Principal Claire eyeballs him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Plummer. fuming. She told me all about you.. Claire sees this -. (then. SHANE Red 1. Plummer called my captain. Mrs. You see.and suddenly reacts.. Lieutenant..Good morning kids. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. BELL rings. Shane checks his TRACKER -. as he casually holds the three kids. impressed. Red 2. What are you doing in my office... Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.two little red DOTS move away. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Get moving. I am in charge of. The opens the door for Murney. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. staring him up and down. 34. He exits. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. that as vice principal.

SHANE "Honor. So. The 35. SHANE . Welcome aboard.. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. to balance Shane. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. SHANE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE Can't be too careful. and the way I run my school.. That's the way I live my life. Claire looks nervously around.MID-MORNING seeShane.. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. Just try not to frighten the children.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe..) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. She lifts her pants leg. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. On the spot.(Shane nods... dead serious. Courage.. Service paid for my college. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".

. two. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. does the same. yanks his hood over his head. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Zoe. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. delighted. Shane closes the computer. INT.. BINOCULARS P.V. Todd.O. CAFETERIA .Clean as a whistle.V.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.. Lulu sees Shane and waves. 36 . Black Hawk coming in.last time: Open the hanger. Save us both a world of pain. picks up a pair of binoculars. with stern intensity. He checks his tracking device. in line to get lunch. like a tether ball. He turns to the person front of him. turns her back to him embarrassed. SHANE Give up now. sitting in the back row of a class. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Beside Shane. Now -. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.O. Todd.. Official Business. in Shane puts down his binoculars. one.

Oh. Shane sighs. Claire smiles. huh? Shane gives her a look. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.. you don't. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. Can I call you Shane? . Seriously. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. 37. lieutenant. Tyler laughs. He yanks Tyler away from him.Tyler gurgles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. SHANE Hey -. you know. Mr. Sure. I guess. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. not so dry where you're sitting.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. ignoring him. (she toasts. Principal Claire smiles.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. When you agreed to serve your country.I out rank you.) Shane. . (she looks at his chair) Well. A whole day. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. You're on dry land.. man.but you're pretty good at this. I'm impressed. with milk. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So...

. impressed. (Todd) 38. I don't care who starts it. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.. Personally . Zoe. VP Murney is watching. and "punches fists" with him. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. cheering. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. next week's tournament is off. As soon as they see the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Look at him. MURNEY He did.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. but not stopping it. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.That's. LUNCH-LINE . Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. unusual. Murney smirks. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. INT... in the crowd. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. the crowd freezes. MURNEY You heard the lady.

I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Nice moves. what do you say? Come on. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team.Todd lands on his feet.. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. promise I'll go easy on you. He'd kill you so fast. stopping an inch from Shane's head. MURNEY Pretty slick. 39 . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it.. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. the crowd breaks up. Boys'll be boys. Todd lunges at him. Murney approaches Shane. Frogman -.. (low. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. MURNEY Oh. . The Bell rings. man. sticking the landing. Don't even think it. SHANE . flinch.I think that's a little harsh. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Sorry. sir. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Maybe some other time then. Maybe you could stop by practice. control. That's right. SHANE . Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch.. Murney.I'm a black belt myself. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.. I'm on duty.

Emergency! SHANE INT. Have fun. holding Tyler out like a grenade..CONTINUOUS . Roger that. 40. Panicked. Just then. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. He bursts though it. as he keeps watch. another dollar twenty. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.Tyler's diaper is full. SHANE Oh -. Not my job. Peter is asleep in his shoulder.change him... SCHOOL HALLWAY .2:55 Shane looks exhausted. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . and not cry. The Principal strolls up. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. doing a shoulder roll. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. following his tracking device. Then Shane smells what she means -. But. Uh.. Lt. INT. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. for one who'll eat. minus taxes. Shane recoils in disgust..CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Bathroom's down the hall.INT. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. It leads him to a door. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Tyler is crying..

CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. Shane lands in fight stance -. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. HALLWAY .MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. BUSY INTERSECTION . with the Panic Button in her hand. through the fence. Lulu is in front of the class. 41.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . EXT. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He blasts through a red light. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. SHANE EXT. are heading away from the school fast. EXT.the Class applauds. They make a sharp right. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . At that moment. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. Shane is furious. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. Thanks.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Shane makes a right.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. CONSTRUCTION SITE . IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. He hands her to the Principal. almost tipping the minivan. racing down the road ahead of Shane. EXT. I INT. He speeds away after them.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. He leaps out of the minivan.

Shane trudges through the river of muck. and the sound of OMINOUS. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. . INT. He takes a deep breath and dives under.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. He catches his breath. Shane easily takes them out. IN THE MANHOLE . Shane lowers himself down. feet away. they hear the front door open. SEWER . and charges through.then gasps -.LIVING ROOM . He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. then checks the tracker -.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. SQUISHY footsteps. ANGLE . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Shane pries off the manhole cover. you're about to get a beat down.then RUN. It's horrific. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. all brandishing tools. then checks his tracker. INT. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.section.the DOTS are CLOSE.It's dark and dank. From outside. PLUMMER HOUSE .SHANE He's alone. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. No sweat. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. Three Workers rush him. He winces.

He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. with a smirk.LATER Shane is in the shower. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Zoe checks him out as he goes.Then the door swings open. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. weird hair. BACK YARD . 16 year old female.p.. Call. revealing Shane. Everyone gasps.b.. thank you. The smell is BAD. . Ditto. 43 INT. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. use our nonemergency number. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. INT. then covers their noses. Todd stiffens. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. BATHROOM . The Cop looks at them. looking like a Swamp Creature. The Cop leaves. She practically GAGS as she passes him.. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. . INT. Covering her nose.. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. KITCHEN . If you need anymore help. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. he doesn't say anything. The Cop turns to Shane. Zoe fixes her hair.

Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Mom's our den mother. 4. in just a towel. cringing in disgust. SHANE (O. they're staring at him.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.all junk food. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . close to tears. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. Shane. The Brownies applaud. we can't go the Jamboree. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. You gotta help me out. LULU I can't. They already think I'm a loser. 4 . it's Monday. He looks at it. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. If we don't sell enough cookies.Shane enters. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room..) Get rid of them..a dozen little girls in uniforms. Lulu starts to sniffle. (whispers:) Come on. INT.S. He sees on the fridge. Monday. and whistle. They won't be home `til ten. pulling Lulu after him. FAMILY ROOM . SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. LULU We have to. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.

he's a total psycho.. INT. I'm gonna be your den -commander. INT. unpacking boxes of cookies. I'm scared of you. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. ZOE'S BEDROOM . then drills it into place." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Now -.Lulu's about to burst into tears. ZOE . Shane ushers the Troop out the door. They are assembled.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Here's how it's gonna be. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. LIVING ROOM . Zoe's on the phone. ladies. Shane sighs. INT. BROWNIE Den Mother? . do as I say. KITCHEN .he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. . VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. revving a cordless POWER DRILL.. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. back in "uniform.MOMENTS LATER Shane. yeah.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH.. SHANE Alright. SHANE Good..A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. at attention. Indian Style. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. the other to his back...wait here. getting ready to go. He's not just locking them -. Tonight. Shane blows passed her.

nuts?" EXT. I dunno if that's a good idea. Zoe picks up the phone... colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. He looks around at the bright."what are you. He smiles. as he pushes a cart into the store.. (she listens:) Hm.5. he's got us on lock-down.. Tyler looks at him -...MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. I can see you through the window. EXT.. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. hits speed-dial...MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. 4 EXT. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. GROCERY STORE . No..nothing even looks like food. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. NOTHING looks familiar -. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. INT. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. it's like Oz or something. He sees: a huge. GROCERY STORE . the camera CRANES up to. GROCERY STORE . Snack packs.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. but they're . but if anything happens. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.PARKING LOT . GROCERY STORE . SHANE I gotta get supplies.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. DRIVEWAY . EXT. ZOE .CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. Scott..

How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. The Cub Scouts high-five. GROCERY STORE .. and lets her go. chubby CUB SCOUTS. you Skeever? . we see who she means: A group of bad ass. clutching their boxes. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever.she tugs and tugs.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. One of the Brownies spots something. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory.. One The Brownies take off running. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. but can't get away. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. . He laughs. He rips it open. I haven't seen anybody. Finally. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.noticing very shy. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. EXT. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. before I get my face punching badge on you. they're back. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT ... menacingly.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. 46 BROWNIE Oh no..

I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. 47. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.A LITTLE LATER . I'm here to protect you. we're going home.22's. Not cookies. EXT. The Brownies scream. you're supposed to take us to dinner. The Brownies are huddled behind it. He heads toward the Scouts. He bends down. He firmly tells Lulu. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Where? SHANE INT. Get in the car. He wears . BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.2ND SCOUT Nope. Cheese MANAGER. CHEESE . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. PARKING LOT .SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. trembling. If I don't come back -avenge my death. CHUCK E. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. and points at Lulu's Panic button. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. Around his neck.

On stage. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. skee Brownies are running around. Cheese! Wider reveals. which causes him to lisp. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. Shane's watching Peter. Lulu approaches.. this much cyanide.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. This much The Manager laughs. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E....braces and head-gear. The Manager approaches Shane. the Chuck E. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.CHAOS. playing video games and ball. A LITTLE LATER: 48. . SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.

Unless you're scared. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. SHANE That wasn't a documentary.. SHANE That's not fair. LULU The Hulk can. Then he a joy stick. The second round starts. then kicks him in the face. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. They begin. Nobody can jump thirty feet. He cracks his knuckles. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Lulu screams out with her fighter.LULU I pressed two player. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. I thought you liked combat. He's really mad. Round three starts. . Shane is taking it really seriously. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane even get one punch in -. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. He steps up to the machine. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. He checks over his shoulder -. stretches. Lulu picks a small female character. and then a kick in the face. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. My joystick's broken. then cracks her in half over his knee. spins her. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars.. kneels on his head.she pins him to the ground.

HOTEL ROOM . while he pounds the buttons. ZOE Mom -. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's really annoying.. dancing.. slamming buttons. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. ZOE . LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE..LIVING ROOM .CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. oops too slow.stop worrying. LULU Too slow... INT. the Zhouse is quiet.. its joystick dangling by its wires. it's my job to worry. She keeps dancing.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. He and the Brownies sneak away.take a shot. He is KO'd.. LULU You're not even trying. Shane's really fuming. leaving the sizzling machine.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. swing and a miss... Shane's working the joy stick hard. Sparks fly. swinging and missing.. jumping. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.. Lulu's having fun now. come on -. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. 50. but he can't hit her. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.

51.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. but you know I have to do this. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Zoe rolls her eyes. who doesn't seem concerned at all.. ZOE Dude. VARIOUS SHOTS . who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. I hate leaving you. MALL PARKING LOT . where they stick with a satisfying my cell. .. this is outta hand. PLUMMER HOUSE . up. everything's cool. counting them. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.LIVING ROOM .The Plummer House: . EXT. not cool. we're okay. Don't worry. JULIE It's only a few more days.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . The guy's just a control freak. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. ZOE Dude. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. ZOE I know.Seriously.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). She turns to Scott. loads Brownies into the minivan. INT. And the folks who read my BLOG. I love you. kids everywhere.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.

. He disappears under the balls -. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA.. CHEESE . to leave a man behind like that. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. He's holding the diaper. again.LATER . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.not okay. Not okay. the Brownies follow.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.. Silence. is fine. S 52. INT. The Manager is watching him. CHUCK E. out away from him.. Shane grimaces. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. a look of horror comes across Shane's face.. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.for a long time. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. MANAGER Relax.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. freestyling in the ball pool -. Suddenly. SUBURBAN ROAD . SHANE . we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. move! Go go! EXT. We see what he forgot: PETER.they almost always do. He charges across the room with the diaper. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He's still down there. Whoa. SHANE Inexcusable. move.. He holds his breath. gasping. and goes down for the diaper.Move.

EXT. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. vents. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -... PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Peter and Tyler up the path. Outraged. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. jocks throwing footballs.. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. He gets out -. Reeling. at a full run.KITCHEN .'s turntables. PLUMMER HOUSE .until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. making out. INT. CLUB lock off the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Now. Shane takes Lulu. Party's over. windows..NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. as he pulls up in the Minivan. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.and groans in disbelief. peeing in the bushes. trying to understand. then RUN. a total wreck.. scared.J..then CRUSHES the ball. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. we're gonna do this .. 53. Scott. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. chugging drinks.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. Shane snatches it mid-air -..

SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. He fumes. He hands Scott the mop.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54.. He holds it up to a KID. It reads: GHOST. furiously highway option. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. They see Shane find the CD.CONTINUOUS . Miserable TEENS scrub. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Shane goes over them. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. mopping.then he notices something. straightening -. CUT EXT. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. Shane wipes a finger down the way -. INT. Scott gulps . trying to maintain his dignity.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. and walk out of sight... PLUMMER HOUSE . ladies. in Playtex gloves. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. residue. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . In a bathroom. as kids clean. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . labeled with a Sharpie. Clean. PLOP. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.. he takes it off. He lifts the sofa. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Scott and Zoe. Shane's eyes narrow.. through binoculars. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Oh my god. INT.

VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Shane stands. Lulu's crying... ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. Thanks a lot.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. and screams in Shane's face. INT. After a beat.into the bathroom. PLUMMER HOUSE . helpless. shaky and furious. ZOE I do too respect myself. downstairs! He walks down the hall. ueasy. He heads upstairs. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Rambo. Shane . They show no respect for you or your house. she pukes again. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. where she throws up. (Announces:) Company. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe gets up. My friends will never come here again. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. furniture polished. Todd picks her up. Zoe blows past him -. sits down. ZOE . Shane hands her a handkerchief. outside the bathroom door. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Zpounding on doors. You're like a robot.. CUT TO: EXT. you hate us. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Because you have no respect for yourself.. Scott's the last one to leave.

He goes down. Shane spins in fight-stance. They leap down after him.the three fight. Suddenly -.. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. pounding him with their . NINJA GHOST -. TWO NINJAS. SHANE You're right. as soon as your mom comes back. The Ninjas attack. Suddenly. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.. Red 1. Don't worry. Not even from the enemy. I'm gone. all in black BURST in through the window. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.they're good.. Wielding with great skill.the power goes out.55. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. tired) It's Scott. I'm not the man for this job. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. SHANE Puberty. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.. fiercely -.hand it over! staffs. Go to your rooms. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it.. talking doesn't do any good. close-quarters and fast..

He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. He pulls the string. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. PLAYROOM . several FURBIES hit the floor. he picks up a FISHER PRICE a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. toys fly..knocking him into. Shane fends the Ninjas off. and grabs it.. avoiding Legos. and uses them both to fend off blows. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. . blinding him. 56 INT. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. The Ninjas move towards him -. SHANE Okay -.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. They step back. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.. facing them.. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. it makes a silly thunk. fiercely. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. WHACK. a squeezes . He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes...then the Ninjas charge. Shane crashes down. With his foot. Shane runs to the changing table. and flings them all over the floor. he hits a Ninja in the head.

bawling. The cloud dissipates. he hugs Peter and Lulu. terrified. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. He hugs them. fearful.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. Then.SHANE 57. quietly knocks. HALLWAY .. and Shane sees he's now alone.. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. Shane approaches Zoe's door. that your father invented. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. blinded. SHANE It's safe. SHANE Shhh. disappointed to have lost them.. INT. He A long pause -. He squints. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.. It's okay. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.SECONDS LATER Composing himself.. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. He sprays it in Shane's face... Shane isn't sure what to do. TODD Who were they? What did they want.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. Todd and Zoe enter. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. ANGLE .. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.. Shane bangs the window sill. He really hugs them.then the door creaks open. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He runs to the broken window. You can open up. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. . Kids.

LIVING ROOM . the other kids join in. INT. Then. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. From now on. They hug him tighter. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. But nothing's gonna happen to you. Zoe answers it. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. as long as I'm here. it's been a long night. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. 58. startled. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. Soon. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. all smiles. He looks Zoe. Shane is furious -. SHANE They're not after you. you listen to me. They want this. Shane offers his hand to shake. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.. absolutely nothing pottery . Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive.they all jump. relieved. too." And then.then they hug him. Deal? Truce -. The kids shudder... I'll listen to you too. "Unchained Melody. They shake -. and do what I say. okay? We need a little more cooperation here.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.a long pause. CLOSE-UP . Then... And I'm not going anywhere.. eye to eye.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.

MORNING Early morning.we'll be just fine. The minivan pulls up. yes and no. SHANE (very genuine) . HOTEL ROOM . We just don't know what its for. Nope. We found something in the box. She holds up the strange.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. everyone's fine. SHANE No . . It looks like some kind of "key". Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. EXT. and Shane emerges with the five kids. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.happened you should worry about.. Plummer. but they didn't find it.. You have any luck? JULIE Well.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.. metal two pronged KEY. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. Shane takes the phone. two men tried to get into the house's okay. But we're not sure what it is. They're gone. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. They were looking for GHOST. INTERCUT: INT.. SCHOOL .. Don't worry -. SHANE Mrs. students run in to school.

MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. reacting each time she HITS the gas. SCREAMING. who sits in the back. sunglasses on.. egg in some purple dye. Principal Claire next to him. He is gesticulating. car -. mortified. Shane stands off to the side. An obstacle course with cones. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles.DAY Driver's Ed. a crazed TEACHER next to her. He dips an INT. then BRAKES.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. "yeah." Then. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. . ANGLE on Lulu. Lulu's classmates all chant. EXT. squashed at a little desk. she wrecked a driver's Ed. So. MURNEY . Shane nods. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. They look concerned. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.she'll pay for the damage. Murney stands. making a mess of an egg. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym.. Zoe sits in a folding chair. ANGLE on Shane.. HITS the gas. LULU'S CLASSROOM . LULU'S CLASSROOM . SCHOOL PARKING LOT . then BRAKES.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. and smiles at Shane. SHANE Don't worry. THE GYM ..INT. Peter 60 She smiles. I know it's good. shaking his head.

. No.. .. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. And that's not all.I'm a bit concerned. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. Zoe shrugs.. Todd enters. Shane scowls. Shane gives Zoe a look.but this is just sick. and Shane walks them out.. and I'm not sure what to do. it's not that -.. SHANE He's not a's the boy. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.. But this. I was doing a little recon in his locker. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. boys will be boys -.That? Lady drivers.) See if you can talk to the boy. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. (pulls Shane aside. Murney calls into the hallway. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Todd and Zoe stand to go. what's going on. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. giving him a "skinhead" look.yes.. what do you expect.. He does always miss sixth period. 61. but -. Shane stops. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.

MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Shane trips forwards to his knees. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. 62. SHANE I'll talk to him. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.. kicking him in the BACK. Shane walks the kids out.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Murney laughs. MURNEY You're a good man. if you ask me. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Without warning. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -.. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. stretching. I promise I won't hurt you. Kung team: Shane walks away. MURNEY It's a date then. and leaves. huh? (Shane ignores him. as he passes.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. SHANE Another time.that whole family's no good. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. Shane.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. I'll show you a couple moves. and Murney chases after him. maybe. and keeps walking. we'll give these boys a treat. and leaps at Shane.

Shane parks. but instead he takes a deep breath.. The window is wide open. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. Todd runs towards the house. EXT. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane hops out the window. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. he can see Todd.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. you're in charge. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. He sees Zoe. but he .shakes Shane turns back. do your homework. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. preheat the oven. Shane screws the window shut. It's small for him. peering out her window. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. On the corner. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. He enters. running around the corner. and leaves. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Keep all doors sealed. He starts to shut the window. It's pink. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63..far down the block. TODD'S ROOM . Shane looks out the window -. Murney his head. SHANE Smart kid. and snickers to his Team. with a flowered basket. Nothing. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. SHANE Wait Todd. so the alarm didn't go off. signal me. keeping the contact. I want to talk to you.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. LIESL We don't have a director.... Shane's glare. SHANE COMPANY -. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. TODD . they quickly assemble on stage.. BEAT. Shane shakes his head. it's over. Todd looks up at Shane. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. or not? Everyone nods.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Todd looks devastated -.What if..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. weird or something? 66 . they're not sure what to do. Liesl chimes in. show's off.... Shane straightens up. He smiles.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane looks at the Cast. girls'll think I'm.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Chicks dig guys who can dance.

PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Okay.. He hears Zoe in her room.Yes.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. angrily.LATER . INT.. BREAKING something.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. He peeks in -. No wait! .. He turns out the light. SHANE ..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. YES WHAT? SHANE . Shane exits.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.. I promise. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. furious. I don't know why I let it get to me. Scott.. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I called him in his room. ZOE . I know it's no big deal. It's stupid. I won't touch him.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. LULU'S ROOM . another girl picked up the phone.. INT.

The elves had to go in and take it out. facility. (MORE) T S L 8.. As Shane finishes the story. Stumped.. ULU Tell me a story. To find a secret gnome. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. Let's see. Then he starts: SHANE Okay..Uh. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. I 6 . ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. he illustrates.. Uranium... where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.. Once there was a family of Elves. and they came in from the north. Went into the magic forest. So -they waited for cloud cover. the little Elf family -. Shane looks at her surprised.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. setting up the scene with DOLLS. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. He sits on the bed. on Lulu's three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive..

. head in the door. S 69. We got `em all.... or he won't stop. lower than the floor. NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Peter WAILS. The wails get louder and LOUDER. I can't remember that thing... Shane sighs. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. the teeniest little elf of all -.. And not one Elf got left behind that day.. Peter starts bawling. Then.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. And you ain't got a chance.. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . from across the hall. TODD You have to do the dance. Like dad used to do.Rodriquez. He made it up for him. and whispers to Peter... . TODD I'll write it down for you... and do the Panda Dance.mean standing.. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Lulu's fallen asleep. SHANE Oh.. c'mon. Even. INT.

Peter applauds. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane hops forward three times. SHANE Today you drive. He sings again. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.MORNING . He does the dance as he sings. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane. staring.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Humiliated. Shane crab-walks sideways. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. with her Gameboy. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.. just like the crabs do. She gets out in shock. Chun. Shane turns and catches Mr. Lulu is next to him.) EXT. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.. (He does. GARAGE .Shane sighs. T the A 70. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. . The Kids sit bolt upright.. (Tyler in the snuggle). and gets in the driver's seat. terrified. They turn to Zoe. through the mirror.. Chun gets his paper. mortified.

just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.. Zoe is surprised... TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe backs jerkily out. MINIVAN . SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is nervous.. jerkily. no. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle.ZOE But -. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.I can't even pass driver's Ed. She pulls out.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. I trust you. The Kids share a dubious look.. but trying not to show it. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. not the road. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. Exactly. S P . INT. Shane is shaky. Keep going. Touched.

. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . severe stare) Now. CAFETERIA . Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. and a little make-up.. Shane spots something. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. INT. laughing. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane unclenches his teeth. trembling. terrified.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. EXT. She's wearing a cute dress. with a few FRIENDS. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Before Scott knows what's happened. almost tapping a bus's rear fender.. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Next lesson.71. KIDS boisterously run past.Claire BARKS out. SHANE Good. Zoe smiles. Scott's terrified. Claire strides into view. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Suddenly -. hey head into the school. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Very funny.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Shane's .. the kids gulp and orderly march away. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Shane jumps out of the car. Broken promises lead to broken legs. 1500 hours. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane lets him down and heads into school. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Chastened. being obnoxious.

She's waiting for him to say. Suddenly. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .. Love it when he does that. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Shane leaps over the table. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. you never know who you're going to run into. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.. SHANE hey eat in silence. He smiles back. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. Principal Claire sighs "not again. him by the ear. She smiles.. something... It's a miracle. impressed.. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. dragging . Wow. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. S he sits beside him. S T P . sailor? Thanks.eyes alight. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. too." In one move. and offers him a milk.

now it all makes sense. Talk. Then: TODD I am not scared. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. I quit. Silence. . MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I'm right here. I. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. boy.. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Todd looks.. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. intimidated. Murney gets up in Shane's face... Freak? The Students snicker. MURNEY I've had it.. MURNEY Winners never quit. TODD Hey. M 73. Murney. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. No one's sure they heard him right. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. It opens Friday.Murney shoves Todd forward. Murney turns around. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Yeah I do. I want to sing.. What're you so scared of.

The whole team wants to quit. The Gym.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. You suck. Todd's telling the truth. taking flyers. His voice cracks -. Your ass is mine. protecting him. M urney looks over at the Team. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. So calm.and then a mob of Students. There is a stunned moment're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. Murney looks around. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Let's do it. Murney did not expect to be called out. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. They look to the ground sheepishly. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. You passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. furious -URNEY So -. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Everyone is watching. TODD There is a man in my house -. He storms out. swarm Todd. it's scary S 74. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. reads: .Shane steps them.face to face.

Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. M URNEY on. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Shane side-steps. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney lands on his back.sending him right into the wall. Shane throws an arm around Todd. climbs to feet and CHARGES again." INT. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. and they head out. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . grabs onto Murney's waist. The Wrestlers scream for Murney.BAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Murney bounds to his feet. quietly twitching on the ground. Todd flops to the mat. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. mumbling something. shocked. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. 3:00. WHAM. rushes Shane."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Shane DIVES OVER Murney.3:00 mat. GYM . Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Todd cheers Shane on. hard. and sweeps Murney -. S 75.

Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. If you're not sure. No brownies edible. BUGS. LULU We're Brownies. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . 76 SHANE either. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. Todd. fascinated. She gives him a thumbs up.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. that's all. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. TO: EXT. FOREST . too. When I Rwanda. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. I got my troops waiting. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. The crowd cheers. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here.Dislocated nerve. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. TODD That was awesome. . Claire. They walk out. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go.

NURSERY .DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. and. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.we'll put Von Trapps here. KICK. He signals her.. he reaches out and rocks it. PLUMMER HOUSE ." INT.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. Zoe . here at the top of the stairs. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. MALL PARKING LOT .she hits EVERY ONE -. MALL PARKING LOT . INT.. here. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. He laughs at his own joke.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. EXT. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. OLD FACTORY . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. The Kids don't get it. the Girls PUNCH.FRONT LAWN . in perfect tempo.fascinated. PUNCH.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. KICK. she burns rubber.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. The Duck watches all this -. Shane holds a stopwatch.. He illustrates the stage directions. EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. in between punches. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. In unison. PUNCH.. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.

2.out and weaves the cones. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. but doesn't fall.. mercilessly.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. ODD . PLUMMER HOUSE ..DAY -"1." Lulu.3. your life little girl.. T I E 77. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. EXT. They watch closely. He counts begins wriggling free.. MALL PARKING LOT .. The Brownies attack. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. Shane gives her a signal. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. blur. PLUMMER HOUSE . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. OLD FACTORY . INT. EXT. INT.BACK YARD ..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. NURSERY .. in we WIDEN back.FRONT LAWN . EXT. Hands a T . it teeters.. she only clips one.

8. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.EVENING . MONTAGE ENDS EXT. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Shane is so touched. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. Graceful." Singing and doing all the moves -. daddy. Peter. Again. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . adding a James Brown flourish. THUD! Gazelle. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Shane performs the "Panda Dance.huh? Now. Then he tucks Peter in. Graceful.he's got it down. But sweet dreams. odd tries the spinning kick. but blows it.hard. He does a spin kick. now and then. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. INT. Peter. He kisses Peter on the forehead.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. he almost bursts into tears. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. SHANE I'm not your daddy. NURSERY . Peter Panda. Todd tries the kick.

. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .. Across the lot. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.MOMMY! She lets him go -. S SHANE That's my troop. The Scouts share a look -. As he's comparing prices -. scary. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. He smiles. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. the Other Scouts are scared. the Chubby Cub Scouts. striking a cool pose. proud.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. In one move. at their own table. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. tying him.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short.they LAUGH. she spins out of the way and pulls off his a FLIP.he sees. he lands on the ground hard. You're gonna have to pay for that. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The Scout struggles. The . LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. FORMATION. 9. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. INT. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. but like lightning. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. she wraps it around his arm. wearing the double snuggle. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. see them. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

J 82. INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face. HOTEL .SHANE He's left alone.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. HALLWAY . Shane answers it. WITH: J INT. ANGLE . the kids are all abuzz.soldier. happy.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly. we're on the first plane in the morning. BACK YARD . EXT. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. The phone rings. OE I never even got to say good bye. She throws her arms around Shane. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.

the Duck starts quacking. your wings aren't clipped. Kids to play S . INT.The house is dark. Shane sighs morosely. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. unblinking. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sits in a lawn chair. with. Suddenly. He pets the Duck. SHANE Just another assignment. GARAGE . scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Three squares a day. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Shane turns. No reason for personal attachments. Gary's foot is caught in a grate.. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.NIGHT hane turns the light on. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box.. hane rises. he Duck stares.

GARAGE .MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. leading below the garage.SHANE What happened. and then it gives. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. only It's solid and inscrutable. DISSOLVE INT.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Shane looks on stunned.. shines it down the grate. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. No hinges or cracks. Shane steps down it.. TO: to S 84. Nothing.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. The wheel spins. unsuccessfully. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. He's been trying.. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. he floor opens. The break in its surface is a strange. crack the lock all night.... Shane dials a phone.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. . He tries muscles rippling. The Kids are watching his progress. Lulu hands him a tool. we see a CRANK WHEEL. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.

Except for -.. Bill reacts.. towards the neighbor's house. CHUN CUT BACK . Okay.Lulu. I think I found GHOST. Bill's cell phone rings. GARAGE .. GARAGE . whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. BILL . and hangs up.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Everyone reacts happily. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Silently spying on Shane.. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. sir. TO: INT. Then we slowly MOVE UP. We'll be there shortly -. can't crack it. he answers it. W e PUSH INTO the house. I've been trying all night.. don't do anything further. MRS. Away from Shane. relieved. SEDAN . After we turn this in to my CO..don't do anything `til I get there. She looks stricken.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. excited. An ominous pause. pleased. Julie sits beside him. It's in a steel vault.EXT. GHOST. TO: INT.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Through a window. Do you have it? SHANE No.

. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. he has no answer.. I 85. Kids singing a beautiful. She trails off. Tongue-tied. J JULIE'S P. The rug is vacuumed. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.V. Lulu? You should be happy. in the next room. JULIE'S HOUSE . She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. comes into the dark hall. INT. so they probably trashed the place. Shane -. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. The fish tank is clear.. LULU But. in shock. SHANE You guys better get ready.O.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Julie and Bill hop out.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Bill is carrying her suitcases.: The house is spotless.SHANE He goes silent. should be home soon. KIDS VOICES . a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). HOUSE .they hear..DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.

Julie starts bawling. Bill steadies her. KITCHEN . INT.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Shane sees Bill enter. with songs they have sung. INT. then salutes back) Good job. no dishes in the sink. for a thousand years. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. Lulu has bows in her hair.. Lieutenant. ZOE Welcome home. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. DINING ROOM ... picture- . smiling. mom. Peter is fresh faced. featuring Todd. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. ( B 6. 8 JULIE almost faints.(singing. a capella) . Zoe is in a conservative dress.. Julie goes to the.. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. S SHANE Captain. She sees.. Dumb-struck. BILL (he smiles wryly. Across the room. She staggers to.

SHANE That's kind of you.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. anywhere you want.. all I've never known is the military. pause) But I'll have to think about it. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. And I think I want to explore that some more. an ANGRY VOICE. Bill holds the pronged key. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. surprised. Shane.. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. S S 87. reluctant. GARAGE .. Don't get me wrong. BILL I should hope not. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. Bill stops. ILL I'm really proud of you. You just name it. Suddenly.. Sir.INT. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Shane continues. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .

. He is losing consciousness... reaching for Bill's key..SHANE Lights out. . Shane shoots Bill a glance. startled. Things are spinning. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.. Mrs.... CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. SHANE'S POV woozy.Shane and Bill spin. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. There were delays.when suddenly.. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. CLOSE-UP . Shane puts his hands behind his head. relishing a second of glory -. while SLAMMING their heads together. Chun comes closer.. and starts to fall. He takes a submissive position. Shane peers in confusion. hane takes control! He smiles. confused. Disoriented. MRS. He turns. then passes out. startled.. and Mrs. Mr.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. he looks up as he drops. GUNS DRAWN. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Chun. B 88.

JULIE I trusted you. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.DAY Shane lies unconscious. The floor is covered with square tiles. Bill checks the knots binding the children. Chun approach the steel door. Peter has a JUICE BOX. bright and white.. Chun) Keep an eye on them. The Kids are furious. ILL North Korea pays better. tied up. You -. Beside the safe is a red switch. closing the window shades. GARAGE . Inside is a dark corridor.. FADE IN: INT.with me. The door HUMS. INT. Julie glares. Bill and Mrs. (to Mr. Charles trusted you. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. They THE VAULT! Spare. NURSERY . then slides OPEN! enter. Chun Bill GAGS Julie.. reaching... with two . 9. scared. He GAGS the kids. So did the Department of Defense. 8 Bill grins. and it CLICKS. INT. Bill and Mrs. Chun) secures the room. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. exit.BLACK.. livid. They whimper. The Korean Man (Mr. They anxiously tiptoe.

needing a distraction. she hits her panic button! O. like a monstrous computer. the Chun spins. then leans back against Zoe. Chun guards the kids. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Lulu frowns. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. Tyler GASPS. horrified -. Chun whirls -. done. completely SINGED OFF. MRS. off shoulder eyebrows. as if she hadn't moved. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Mrs.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. INT.S... but the of her jacket is on fire. He sneers. MRS. low-pitched HUM. Chun is Bokay..settings: ARMED and DISARMED. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. She confidently strides toward the safe -. CHUN Just. Lulu "looks" scared. she unties Zoe! Then -.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.the Kids look innocent. startled -. HOUSE . CHUN But I've got some C4. The air is filled with an ominous.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.SAME TIME Mr.. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . eyeballing them icily. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. Mr. But behind her back.. MR. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.. Bill eyes the safe. then Mr. With a rapid blur of finger-work. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. BEEPING. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. Mr. It's set on ARMED. had eyebrows.

BEHIND TODD . Chun's head. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Mr. It HURTS. Mr. .. They untie Julie. when he's at her level. slamming the door behind her. then. CHUN That's cute. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Chun looks at Lulu. Lulu runs. Chun's face. he drops to his knees in pain. Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's leg. Chun laughs: MR. Chun scowls.. he steps closer. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.W Z 90. Mr.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun gets up and turns the Mr.. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Skeptical. HAM without warning.. snake-like move.

but as Julie exits. INT. clutching her! The . AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Mr. his face COATED in white. INT.doorknob. FRONT DOOR . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. NURSERY . I INT.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. She SCREAMS. He yells out furious! MR. Chun punches the door. He sticks his face out the hole. NURSERY .SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. Bill lurches into view. making a small hole.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT.. but the door won't budge. DONNGGG -.. Chun falls back from the door. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr. they're trapped inside. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.. M E M 91. Chun's face. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.

Chun listens to Mr. ARGHH! driveway.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. They start to run back. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.CONTINUOUS r. Chun comes racing around the house -. Chun THE RADIO. Mrs. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. HOUSE . then nod and run to the side garage. INT. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2... SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. She floors it. .I've got the keys. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. EXT.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. they're not going are horrified. MINIVAN . Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. speaking in Korean: RS. unsure.. HOUSE . CHUN Chun falls.

holding a military RADIO. gaining on them.Charles didn't tell me about the room.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. B . BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. INT. Julie GASPS. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. VAN . They step past Shane's body. INT. Then.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. lying on the concrete. chilled. Don't make me kill you too. leading her to the secret door. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. a CRACKLING of static. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. oe runs a yellow. Mrs. Chun exits the vault. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. It's getting old. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. GARAGE ..

CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.) Bill.. Chun zooming by. Then -.DAY The vehicles race.93. Do it.Shane is standing in the doorway. I'll get you in. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. Bill deciding if he can trust him. emotional. It's like a chariot race. SHANE (O.. ill eyes him.. It's B risky. Surprised.S. Bill uncuffs Shane... they might wreck.. as Zoe drives. half on the sidewalk. ILL . to cut them off! INT.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. ZOE .SHANE They look over -. Bring them back unharmed.he clicks "talk" on the radio. CHUN Mr. MRS. He does something we can't see. The men stare down. just please don't hurt anyone. BUSY STREET . BILL Change of plan. He tries to pass them on the right. my husband has question: MR. ANGLE . everyone looks down. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. EXT. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. don't hurt the kids. MINIVAN . Bill.

then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Mrs. Chun holds Julie. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. Shane is figuring his options. Zoe looks over. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Exasperated.What's taking you? 94. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. orange peels. M R. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. It throws Mr. Chun off for a beat. INT.. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Mr. CRASH!! The kids cheer. disoriented. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun swerves and almost wrecks.. triumphant.. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. and loses control. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Mr.. . Lulu starts PELTING Mr... In the van. She Mr.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr. Bill waits impatiently. Peter laughs. Chun SCREAMS. Chun with debris: milk cartons. SECRET VAULT . Hair spray.. crayons.

now. over one beam and ducking under another -. Lulu. Shane SQUIRTS it. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. go get it -. Peter. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane steps forward . Watch. Shane gets up. in pain. ill cocks his gun. landing on his hands and knees. Tyler! Bill reacts. Shane steps forward. puzzled. He speaks aloud. BILL Code or no code. . SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Bill laughs. Todd. confidently: J B B 95 ..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca.. Shane leaps back. sending him flying backwards. Sweat drips down Shane's face.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch.A bewildered beat -. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names.

fearlessly. He feels the Groove. just like the crabs do. And you haven't got a chance. then back: smiles. .SHANE Shane's thinks. He steps sideway. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. not quite centered to the room. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Shane he steps forwards.NOTHING HAPPENS. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. lower than the floor. Julie relieved.. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. E 96 .. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .they have no idea what he's laughing about. He thinks.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. across two tiles.. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. CLOSE-UP . When you're down and low. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Shane LAUGHS sharply. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He takes a deep breath. Bill and Julie share a look -. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. NOTHING HAPPENS.. Again -.

SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. and our bodyguard -. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. they're FLYING. he'd be toast. ZOE Come on. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. his focus gone. from the ceiling. When he steps back -. not the brake. Inside is the Cute Cop. and he catches up with the minivan -. EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION . The Squad Car's lights flash on.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. They have my mom. If he'd been standing.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. 5-0. Don't follow me! . Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside takes a while. Zoe blows past it. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Use the gas.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. 9 7.

Suddenly. NECK-BRACE. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. I accept full responsibility.. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Zoe U-turns. The Squad Car is on its tail. She shakes her head. sliding forward. in a cloud of smoke.. INT. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. It's acid.. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. EXT. almost running it off road. SCHOOL . Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. 98. but if I had more resources. at a safe distance. like there ain't no floor. . SUBURBAN STREET . My intelligence proved to be faulty. is Mr. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Then better jump quick. Claire frowns. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Squad Car turns around and chases her. nervously.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. Following the chase. the Minivan SPEEDS by. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.. and speeds back towards her house. PLUMMER BASEMENT . concerned. pool of liquid. EXT.

The Booby Traps are disarmed.. if you're willing to join up. disgusted. He holds his breath just in time. Immediately. You were always my best man. The safe's red light turns green. almost done. The whole room goes SILENT. He lands in front of THE SAFE. 99.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. and jumps back. Bill shrugs. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Chun to go first. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Bill takes a breath -. I knew you'd figure it out.and walks across the room. What do you say -. Bill looks around. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. to the left of the HOLE.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. He's relieved -. pulling Julie along. It's a stand-off. sir. And you betrayed all of that. BILL (CONT'D) You know.he waves his hand over the floor. Shane scowls. and jump to the left.. Mrs. All that we stand for. "Just hold your breath. BILL Thank you. Chun follows. Beat. She gestures back: you go. Shane. Finally. Whew. Nothing happens. to calm down) Almost done." He jumps." . Bill signals for Mrs. He nervously steps forward . BILL I'll take that as a "no.

legs! He's crazed.. Chun. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.Bill turns to the safe. Chun doesn't budge. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Relief. You open it.. Bill is off guard. Bill LUNGES. trying to read Shane's poker face. Nothing happens. Bill gestures to Mrs. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Full of himself. unrelenting.. SIZZLING. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Shane reaches for the safe. She turns it. Reluctantly . Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. Something's not right.Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. I think you better open it. He starts to reach for the dial. Chun reaches out. BILL (CONT'D) . I walked the floor first. BILL None requested. shaking from the voltage. hitting Bill's arms. Bill is incensed. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. her hair on end. head. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.. but Shane gazes coldly. and touches the dial. SHANE There will be no mercy.. Mrs. . MRS. Shane shrugs.. But suddenly Mrs. then catches himself.

which Shane deflects -. IN THE VAN. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. everyone is SCREAMING. He jumps to his feet. landing on his back in front of the safe. ANGLE . tottering. the wind knocked out of him. stumbles backwards across the room.. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. then whispers/sings. chase after. Shane shakes his head. he drops and FLIPS her.BILL He steps over Shane. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings.. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Shane struggles to lose her. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. good night. K. SHANE .! EXT. Shane tumbles. SHANE You're a. She smiles. connecting only occasionally. But he's unforgiving.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. delivering a series of hard punches. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. They punch.they tangle like pro's. Bill is charging him. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Leering mercilessly. Suddenly. SIRENS wailing. Say. unable to gain her balance.. She catapults. It's clear the both have the same training. PLUMMER'S STREET . spin. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest.. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. knocking her out. terrible neighbor.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.O. kick. Shane narrows his eyes. OOF! Bill tumbles. The Police Cars . saved.

HOUSE . grateful. She smiles at Shane. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . then BRAKES.and hits a tree..O. They look in silence. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. JULIE Thank you Shane.101. Cops surround them. Shane gently removes it. with their hands raised. SECRET VAULT . Now we can go back to our peaceful. The van SKIDS.. The Kid spill out and run. INT. The garage door raises. Then -. It's finally over.SAME TIME Total commotion.. SHANE . But it's too late. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. then look in the safe: Inside. GHOST. from the car. The kids clamber from the van.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. Whoa.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Shane steps out. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. smoke BURNING from the tires -.

. Cops cover Shane and Julie. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Zoe. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. MR.CUTE COP FREEZE. The Cops are unsure what to do. He scoffs. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. Nobody is sure what to do. Even Chun is amazed.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. you're in a lot of trouble. 10 2. But then -. Chun stands inside the gate. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. uh. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. as he turns his head.. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.S.. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Silence. and grabs the MR. Now.. vaults onto Chun. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. Mr. ZOE But. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Shane spins. triumphant. Shane weighs his not so many options.a CRAZED SCREAM. Julie and Shane Freeze. CHUN (O. helpless. officer...) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. I suggest you call the FBI. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He's disheveled and manic. Numerous..

Agent.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. reaches for his radio. Julie huddles with the kids. AGENT Mr. watching the FBI Agents work. that was nice work. 103. PLUMMER HOUSE .B.B.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. SHANE Just doing my job. INT. F. COP I think I'll call the FBI.rocket launcher. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.I. GARAGE . AGENTS swarm the area. then walks off.. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. Shane talks with an F.B. Shane examines it.B. F . This chaos is unsolvable. swelling with pride. You're a one-man battalion.. he . CLOSE-UP .LATER F. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. ANGLE .I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. Wolfe. CLOSE-UP .CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.I.I.

then Julie found the key. say -. a letter. Summer's almost here. Lulu -. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Her siblings.. And to tell the truth.. He looks around: at the family. You tell me. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. She sees.. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. Peter.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.Yes. I'm on dry land.I want to say: I love you more than anything. On. Does it itch? Yes.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.Maui? . Mock-angry. A tear comes to her eye. Julie. Zoe. and Julie notice. and gather around.. SHANE Well.. from the safe.. I don't know. fallen onto the floor. 104. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. here. Tyler. Todd. You're the superior office. I always have. EXT. SHANE . He looks at Claire.. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. Shane looks at her. The Plummers hug each other.. re-conning the situation. I'm kinda.

For everything. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. She puts out her hand. baffled. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. The Plummers all approach. Guess you have to go now. Your work here is through. LULU This is it. TIGHT . SHANE Ah. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. P ETER Love you. SHANE Claire beams.his medal.. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . He squeezes her hand around it.Sir yes sir. A long beat. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Julie looks up. sad.he can't keep it in. I'm gonna .. ZOE But. Shane. come here you. Lulu turns to Shane.. interrupting.. squeezing them off the ground.SHANE This is too much.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH.he hugs the whole family at once. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Shane bawls -. He puts them down. Like he did. Zoe gives them a look -. He wipes his face. He starts to head off. to shake his. 105. Thank you.

VICTORIA THEATRE. She is surrounded by her children. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. A STANDING OVATION. In SLOW MOTION. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. the little Brownie Troop. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Julie watches in astonishment. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Farewell. his hair combed. They all watch. BACKSTAGE . as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him.a Michael Jordan dunk. even Murney.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. until he sits back down. Shane stands." In the audience. You Are Sixteen begins. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. It's fantastic -. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long." Hearts swell. hit your marks. beaming with pride. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Claire: dressed to the nines. Todd spins. rapt. Shane watches with bated breath. The performers take their curtain . and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Scott: in a suit. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.

touched. Mission FADE OUT. Shane smiles.-The. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. Thundering applause.html on December 9 2010 . then giddily gesture Shane to come out.calls.and the house goes crazy. THE END http://www. He humbly steps into view -.imsdb.

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