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  • R. CHUN

THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Up to his nose. but can't get free. they're almost out of ammo. Do you copy? (Plummer nods.. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles.. .CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. over his head. PLUMMER How did you know where I. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. hauling the Professor up. He tries force the door open. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Shane removes his mouth piece. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. to the roof.no highway option.. SHIP'S HOLD . in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. when I say it.. I'm gonna get you outta here.. him his oxygen. As the water rises. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. INT. Plummer screams.SIMULTANEOUS 4. My way -. But you have to do exactly what I say. One of our SEALS calls out to them. EXT. When it finally opens. terrified. ON THE DECK . The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. He's gone. United States Navy. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.

EXT. clearly he loves this kind of day.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. and pulls himself. INT. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. 5. holding the Professor.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. more!" They do. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. terrified.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Hold on. pulling the Professor in behind him. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. SHANE INT. HELICOPTER . then disappear gracefully back into the water. Shane takes a deep breath.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. OCEAN'S SURFACE . First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. He . Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. INT.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. HELICOPTER . ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns.

. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. waits. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. CHARLES Lieutenant. thank you. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . Please.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. Lieutenant. . We have to keep moving. Charles stops Shane. rotors whirling slowly.beside him. how'd we.. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. shutting him up.. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. PLUMMER Oh my God.. Not imperative to the mission. the Professor looks terrified. I'm just not big on chit chat. That was the most incredible. EXT. CHARLES I'm safe. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. She thinks I'm dead. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. I can't believe you.

.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Shane considers. knocked unconscious. then hands him his satellite phone. All goes . puzzled. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. you want to see it? Negative. I have a picture of my kids in here. Shane looks at him. PAVE HAWK .. back to him. I do security. INT. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. PILOT sits. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. The briefcase pops open. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. DEAD. I'm alive.couldn't crack it. It's voice activated.. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Shane drops.. Todd. that's my specialty. Charles dials his cell phone. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. WHAM.. Tyler.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.. Designed it myself. and talks. Lulu. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.Charles picks up his briefcase.... RUN!!! black. Charles dials. SHANE We're almost ready. Peter.

.friendly. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. SHANE'S P. Bill sits down beside the bed. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.7. unassuming.O. sir. SHANE .it hurts to salute. HOSPITAL . And a good friend. but he does it anyway. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. and takes Charles' Briefcase. Captain. His arm and face bandaged. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. He sees Charles. A Huey Helicopter lands. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. as the chopper ignites. in slow-motion.V. barely conscious.: Everything is a blur. PAVE HAWK . Shane reaches out. Everything is ablaze. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. He takes a long look at Shane. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . I know sir.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. unconscious. There is huge explosion. He looks around. despondent. HOSPITAL .DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. You're the best man I ever trained. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. He holds a REPORT in his hand. EXT.

A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. BILL .S. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.. He called it G.H. BILL Not a surprise. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.O. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. appreciate your confidence.. Shane sits up.. disconnects an IV.a genius.SHANE He had to call his family... SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. as I stated in my report. disappointed. He pulls up a chair. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Thank you. He can't believe his good fortune. Bill considers this. 8. and sits opposite Shane. I'm gonna need the mini sub. is still out there.T.H. SHANE Sir.. and starts to rise.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. SHANE The case was empty sir. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. Bill shakes his head.S. It's not that kind of mission. I. G. .T. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. he pulls off bandages. Invigorated.O.. really. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. Then. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.

Either way. and protect them. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. It's just that. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. BILL The professor's wife requested you. SHANE'S APARTMENT . (MORE) 9. Shane is shocked. Widow. hearing the dead man's voice. CUT TO: INT.. I've never been very good with kids. sir. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.Shane listens.H. is in that house. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I love you. CHARLES (O. Whoever killed the professor must think G. I got a call from the professor's wife. I'm alive. Shane is surprised.. maybe it isn't. anyway.. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.T. I need someone to stay at that house.. I should go. Not even when I was a kid sir. I'll call you in an hour.S.O.. Searched the place. She told me someone had broken into her home. Shane Wolfe..if anything happens to me.) Honey. presses play.. sir. The family's scared.. intrigued. BILL .NIGHT .. He's a good man. call Lt.S. Maybe it is. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. top to bottom.

..and sees LULU. night vision goggles. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. they all go in. .. Lulu eyes Shane.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. also identical to the one he wears. Shane heads to the door. peering up at him. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane frowns. He looks at for a moment. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. 10. Shane double-checks the address. identical to the one he wears. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. SUBURBAN STREET . EMALE VOICE (o. we're not interested. machete. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. He reaches in. Shane's P. The sprinklers go off.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.O. and pulls out a small. It SQUEAKS.then the door swings open. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. with toys all over the lawn. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. camouflage vest. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. 8. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.V.. EXT. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Shane eyes Lulu. He rejects it. Shane looks down -. ready for anything.s. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Hm.Shane packs his duffel bag.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

JULIE What is it? BILL (o. listening to the conversation. The phone RINGS inside.Nighttime -. JULIE That's wonderful.the family eats dinner. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.. INT.) There's a catch.NIGHT Shane. INT. Julie casually answers it. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . We slowly pull out.s.. Shane. through the kitchen window. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.. BILL (o. Through the window. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. Swiss law says only his family can access it.) Julie. with her suitcase. This could all be over! BILL (o.s. entersJULIE I'll be there. I have some potentially good news. I think it could contain GHOST.. 14.MORNING stand hug Julie.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. LIVING ROOM . Julie and Shane share a look. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Helga will . Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.s. it's Bill Fawcett.

Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. I'll be back in 48 hours. I'm gonna miss you. I love you guys.. They'll be safe with me. H S . Helga will take care of everything else. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. Mrs. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. SHANE Don't worry.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Plummer.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.we'll be fine.. chill.. do it. it's my job to worry. it's just. . Julie gets in the car and it drives away. No. HELGA Everything will be fine. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. are you licensed to kill? . I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. And on the phone. ZOE Mom -. I am a mom.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. And on the back door.handle everything. And guys...

looks around for the CRYING BABY. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. on a short ladder. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.NIGHT Shane. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. pouring in Cheerios. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship..he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Immediately. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. elga stomps out. Shane heads down the hall.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. Shane shakes his head.. Gary suddenly FLIES by . INT.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. He shuts off the - ...5. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. can't find him.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. when in the corner of his eye -. SHANE (CONT'D) . A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . You do something. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. INT. Shane turns off the light. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.NIGHT hane rushes in -.. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.s. I make bottle.. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.

Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door... SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Shane runs. come on Scott. runs off. but alright. . house like a marionette. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. Shane LIFTING him in the air. calling out from across the street. SHANE Not with this kid.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. EXT. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Zoe! . Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.go back inside.. tool. Zoe -. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.BACK YARD . SHANE So you're the one who broke in.. He's dazed. S COTT .window alarm and sneaks out silently. jumps onto the trampoline. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. They both tumble to the ground. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.. 16. ZOE Okay. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE He's my boyfriend. fine.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. I'll call you. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.

and we found this in our pool filter. so we're up kind of early. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .Zoe storms inside. Shane stands there.. no accent) We speak English. Oh. pop their heads out. Kojak. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. PLUMMER HOUSE . Look. A simple misunderstanding. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway... Would you mind? SHANE Sorry.NIGHT . MR. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Shane's about to head inside. SHANE My apologies. we own a bakery. Oh. SHANE MRS. The alarm stops. fuming. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket.. Sorry. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.. CHUN . The Alarm's still blaring. CHUN (perfect English. Shane addresses them. I INT. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. They're arguing with each other in Korean. THE CHUNS. MR. We had an intruder.

) sing). to not fall over.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. ZOE Who do you think you are -. You should have told her the truth. Loud. . bangs on Todd's doorLights out.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Shane shuts her door. SHANE Not anymore. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.s. Shane flips her foot in the air. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). continues down the hall. Bite me! Shane frowns. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. lower than the floor. She has to hop on one foot. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. Zoe falls backwards into the room. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Shane marches back down the hall. S W 1 8.

Shane shakes his head. in bed -. Peter in his bed. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. PLUMMER HOUSE . to their beds. and do the Peter Panda Dance. The Children. one step back. Then jumps up. In the bedrooms.groove. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. INT. he wriggles on the floor. just like the crabs do. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. HOUSE . Three steps forward. then "crab-walks" sideways. T Z Z T 19. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.laugh and laugh. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. EXT. . warm orange light. She does.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood.

.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. motionless. like she's been electrocuted. S . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Todd blinks groggily.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. oe is wrapped in blankets. HALLWAY . Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey.. carrying the crying baby. L Move. INT.MORNING Todd sits up. Suddenly his door flies open -. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. ODD It's Sunday. Not in front of the kids. Covering their ears.m. half-asleep and angry. disoriented. TODD'S ROOM . Move. You're insane. Helga runs through in hair curlers. 20 . OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. not understanding what's happening.odd is out cold.

. sucking on a bottle.he gives him a look of disbelief. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Your behavior is unacceptable. lined up tallest to shortest. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.) Shane's jaw drops. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. ladies.. HELGA (She curses Again. in Romanian.do you. L 21.. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. KITCHEN . shocked. No highway option.LATER The children are assembled. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.do you. . INT.. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.

SHANE Tracking devices.a tense silence. but it's locked. ZOE I am not wearing that. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. INT. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button... S ULU (CONT'D) . P eter farted.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Red Leader. Shane tries to maintain decorum. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation..Shane starts to speak then thinks better. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Everyone cracks up. he's furious. ZOE He's in his room. So you are -. or you're dead. Now that I know I can't trust you. wait. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. He tries the knob. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. End of chain. I tell you what to do -. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula.you better be dying. Angry. Shane bangs hard on it. Red 2. The panic button is only for emergencies. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Never take them off. Shane bounds up the stairs. He yells at her. where's the older male? There were five. Red baby. Everyone stares blankly -. Touch that -.and you do it.(pointing) Red 1..

Shane steps aside. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.. then CRASHES inward. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. If you'd been wearing it. hits Shane on the head. patrolling.a FLUSH.MORNING . Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. I can fix this. She stops at Todd's door -. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.. Oops. and head down the hall. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.they glare at Shane. INT. He sees Shane.LATER ZOE .SMASH! The wood CRACKS. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT. Todd nods in agreement. HALLWAY .22. to her room. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. INT. this wouldn't have happened.. He has to go. the destroyed door and wall.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Zoe comes up the stairs. Down the hall -. A piece of the ceiling falls. The entire frame collapses.. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.

Daddy even said so. he hears something suspicious -. L S 23. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Peter! screams. HALLWAY .WHACK -. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. INT. wearing a towel as a sheet. just as -. clicks his alarm remote opens it. hey. Really? His eyes light up. I don't know. And then it hits Shane.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Lulu SHANE Hey. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Shane turns. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. Lulu hides behind Shane.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. to see that Peter is chasing her. Peter Booos again. He pretends to be a ghost. LULU This house is haunted.S.LATER . His head shifts. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. He said there's a ghost. hard. He rushes for the front door.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. PAPERBOY (O.the rumble of a car approaching.

Todd and Zoe's faces fall. ZOE Here he comes. When he hears an alert from his laptop. F .. as laundry flutters down from above. carrying a huge laundry basket. Nothing. She screams. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. He RAPS again.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. pushing. STAIRWAY ... BANGING her head and ass on each step. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. I INT. appears. listening for hollow spaces.Shane walks slowly down the hall. scanning the ceiling. feeling.a creak. Searching.. He goes back to the living room. then turns his attention to his laptop. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down... takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. T IGHT . The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. inally. Zoe whispers. Then -. MR. all the way down. Shane scans it.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.ZOE AND TODD .

BANKER Marcel! out. 25. EXT. It's taking him a LONG time. Not in Switzerland. He seems to be about 100 years old. He jumps to his feet. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. SWISS BANK . looking jet-lagged.DAY Bill and Julie. we're going to have to file a complaint. He licks his finger again.DAY Establishing. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. I can't. If we can't get some faster service. then licks his finger to turn the page. INT. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. SWISS BANK . They wait patiently -. but can't get the page to turn. He feebly gets up. this is an urgent matter. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. . The Banker looks at him blankly. mouthing along in FRENCH. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. Bill can't stand it anymore.They gulp. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. terrified. Then looks back to the paperwork. ZOE Uh-oh.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed.

Peter's in the aquarium. Oui. Shane moves for the phone. enters. the chief does not speak English.Another Banker. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. But I can tell you -. Suddenly. grabbing her foot.SAME TIME Helga. The duck flies around. PLUMMER HOUSE . heads to the door -. As soon as your background checks clear. HELGA I am calm. RING! Amid the chaos. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. SHANE (CONT'D) . SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. suitcases in hand. I QUIT. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. JULIE Thank you. Shane picks up the receiver. MARCEL.Shane tries to block her path. How long is that? INT. He grabs her suitcase. QUACKING. remain calm -- 26. He DRAGS her back. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. The suitcase handle breaks off. As she tries to wrestle it away.you will have access to the box tout-suite. and Helga dashes for the door. Shane dives.

..CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. and Shane falls back.everything's fine.Ah. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Plummer. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. He picks up his hand.. Just doing my. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. EXT. Shane hangs up the phone. Plummer. Helga struggles to get him off. Duty. Shane lets go. Mrs. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Shane body-checks it closed.. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. (covering the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. CRUNCH. HOUSE . Helga scampers out the door. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. that landed on a diaper.Helga falls forwards. 27. against the counter.

she'll come back. He drops his head.. takes a deep breath and strides inside. INT. Helga glares back. we're just gonna have some more big fun. if she loves you. The 28.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. ANGLE . SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away..Helga jumps in the cab.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. In the meantime..he slowly glances up. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. to find the kids are all gloomy. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. ANGLE . listen up. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. baby cries. defeated. HOUSE . . Then -. There's been a change of plans. in the rear window.. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. dumbfounded. SHANE Okay.SHANE Rises.

BATHROOM . Pure self-preservation. takes a deep breath. 29.. All for one. your enthusiasm.it flops open. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SShane GROANS.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. And then -. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Nobody will help. INT..SHANE He gulps. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. everyone bolts from the room. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. inundated. Until -. SHANE Whoa. I'm Navy.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Using the tools as chopsticks. repelled.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. HEY! Even Peter runs. CLOSE-UP . holding his nose. nice moment. Only then can we rise to the challenge. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. .

he can't do it. I think you're cute. 30.) Thank you.. INT. Lulu doesn't go away. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu.. Lulu is in her pj's. She follows. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Shane tries approaching -. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. he looks around for a solution. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. she just stares at him. he looks down to see Lulu. HALLWAY . Aghast. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU Hi. like a puppy.SHANE The things I do for my country. Lulu follows at his heels. over and over and over. then FLUSHES.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. .

and patrols. Lulu looks at him.BREAKFAST ." dubious. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. The kids sit down at their designated spots. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. like he's an idiot. KITCHEN . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. And I've survived off this stuff for months. 31. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. I can get lots more of those. INT. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. pulling down the shades on every window.it's time for you take a nappypoo. Todd.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. The Kids stare at "breakfast. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. and shuts off her light. Shane smiles. little girl. proud of his accomplishment. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. all the kids asleep. . All the lights are out.Shane walks room to room. in beddibye land.

. And the phone rings. ladies. if I say out. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. So -. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. trying to hear over the screaming. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. Peter starts bawling. then at Tyler -. you stay in. (then:) Yes. all for one. If I say in. too. dancing... We're gonna pull together. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. ZOE He's only two. Peter stands in his chair. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. Shane sighs. .is not here to take care of you now. Wanna see? Negative... you go out.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.... I can cross my eyes. Your mama -. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. crying.. Shane answers. Shane turns to Lulu.. one for all..here's how it's gonna be. LULU . LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. He runs away.

Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. legal guardian. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He wants to see you in his office.. into a TINY parking spot -. EXT.a death defying. With your . He said if you're late again. Across his chest. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. GARAGE . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. yes.. It just doesn't add up. innocently.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. It hits ZERO. I know it's Monday. sir. INT. The Minivan skids completely sideways.p. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. LULU We're gonna be late. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. INT. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. SHANE Not on my watch. Shane fumbles with it for a while. EXT.. Oh.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. backwards at sixty m. Zoe smiles at him.M.. GARAGE . dramatically unveiling Shane. A big suburban school. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. perfect parallel park.. and at that . PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. He hangs up. you and Todd are expelled. Thank you.h. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE..9:29 A.

they needed a parole officer.. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Out of twenty-three. She's attractive. Murney is unimpressed. Lieutenant. Duane. son? SHANE Wolfe. I'm Murphy. Shane. mortified. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). as he plays on the floor. They're the worst students in my school. Plummer finally listened. . I coach wrestling. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. The Kids are seated around him. too. holding Peter on a harness.moment. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. You're in my house now. boy. He glares at Shane. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Well. conduct and truancy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. V. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Top to bottom. Murney is furious. Looks like Mrs. The Kids crack up..P in charge of discipline. assured. He's HUGE and mean. K thru 12. tough. He withers. whatever work you can get. a few days.

Claire sees this -. I am in charge of. that as vice principal. Get moving. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. You see. (then. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.. Principal Claire eyeballs him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. staring him up and down. What are you doing in my office.. Shane checks his TRACKER -.. The teens hustle off to their classes. SHANE Red 1. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . The opens the door for Murney. BELL rings. Red 2. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.two little red DOTS move away. Plummer called my captain. impressed. fuming. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Lieutenant. He exits. I think I can handle this from here. as he casually holds the three kids.Good morning kids. Good.and suddenly reacts.. Plummer. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Mrs. 34.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. She told me all about you. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.

dead serious. SHANE . Welcome aboard. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . That's the way I live my life. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. The 35. SHANE Can't be too careful.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Just try not to frighten the children.(Shane nods. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Courage. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. So... to balance Shane. and the way I run my school. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.. SHANE "Honor. On the spot. Claire looks nervously around. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.MID-MORNING seeShane.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. Service paid for my college.. She lifts her pants leg. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.

two. Shane closes the computer. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. He checks his tracking device. Todd.. INT. sitting in the back row of a class. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Black Hawk coming in. delighted.O.Clean as a whistle. CAFETERIA . with stern intensity. does the same. yanks his hood over his head.O. BINOCULARS P.V. turns her back to him embarrassed. in Shane puts down his binoculars. SHANE Give up now. Official Business. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. one. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw.. Beside Shane. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Todd. Save us both a world of pain. Zoe.. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. like a tether ball. picks up a pair of binoculars. 36 . in line to get lunch. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. .last time: Open the hanger. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Now -. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat..V. He turns to the person front of him.

you know. Sure.. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.Tyler gurgles. You're on dry land. huh? Shane gives her a look... Mr. Can I call you Shane? . Tyler laughs. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. Oh. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. (she looks at his chair) Well.. I'm impressed. A whole day. (she toasts. Claire smiles.. He yanks Tyler away from him. SHANE Hey -. lieutenant. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.but you're pretty good at this. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Shane sighs. not so dry where you're sitting. Principal Claire smiles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. 37. ignoring him. with milk. you don't. . I guess. man.) Shane.I out rank you. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. Seriously. When you agreed to serve your country. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -.

One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Personally . but not stopping it. cheering. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. I don't care who starts it. VP Murney is watching. LUNCH-LINE . Murney smirks. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Look at him. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. impressed. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. MURNEY You heard the lady. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. and "punches fists" with him.. the crowd freezes. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.That's. Zoe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd..CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. unusual. (Todd) 38. and the sound of Students in an uproar. next week's tournament is off. MURNEY He did. As soon as they see the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again.. INT. in the crowd. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt..

He'd kill you so fast. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. the crowd breaks up. what do you say? Come on. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. yeah. SHANE . to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. 39 . MURNEY Pretty slick. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Maybe some other time then.. Boys'll be boys. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. (low.total control. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. sir. MURNEY Oh.. I'm on duty. That's right.I'm a black belt myself. The Bell rings. Don't even think it.I think that's a little harsh. sticking the landing.Todd lands on his feet. Sorry. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE .. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. . Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Maybe you could stop by practice. Murney approaches Shane. I forgot you had to baby-sit. SHANE ... Murney. promise I'll go easy on you. Frogman -. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Nice moves. flinch. man.. Todd lunges at him.

Roger that. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .2:55 Shane looks exhausted. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.CONTINUOUS . The Principal strolls up. as he keeps watch. Have fun. Uh.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir.. minus taxes. Tyler is crying. and not cry. Shane recoils in disgust. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.. Bathroom's down the hall. Emergency! SHANE INT. Not my job. another dollar twenty.Tyler's diaper is full. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Lt. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. doing a shoulder roll.. Panicked. He bursts though it. 40. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.change him. Just then. for one who'll eat. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. It leads him to a door. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3.. SCHOOL HALLWAY . But. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. SHANE Oh -. Then Shane smells what she means -. INT. holding Tyler out like a grenade.INT.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall.. following his tracking device.

his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He speeds away after them. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. At that moment. He leaps out of the minivan. They make a sharp right. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. EXT. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. Thanks. SHANE EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. Shane is furious.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. through the fence. EXT.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . but the FINAL BELL rings. almost tipping the minivan.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. BUSY INTERSECTION .MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. 41. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. EXT. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. I INT. He hands her to the Principal.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. HALLWAY . IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Lulu is in front of the class. Shane makes a right. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . with the Panic Button in her hand. are heading away from the school fast. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. He blasts through a red light. Shane lands in fight stance -. CONSTRUCTION SITE .the Class applauds.

then gasps -.section. INT. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. they hear the front door open. then checks the tracker -. Shane lowers himself down.SHANE He's alone. SQUISHY footsteps. INT. Shane pries off the manhole cover. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. you're about to get a beat down. SEWER . He catches his breath.LIVING ROOM . to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Shane trudges through the river of muck. all brandishing tools. It's horrific. From outside.It's dark and dank. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE.the DOTS are CLOSE. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.then RUN. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. feet away. IN THE MANHOLE . Three Workers rush him. and the sound of OMINOUS. He takes a deep breath and dives under.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. He winces. PLUMMER HOUSE .he sees the blinking lights below the surface. ANGLE . No sweat. and charges through. . then checks his tracker. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. Shane easily takes them out.

Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. Covering her nose. INT.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. KITCHEN . he doesn't say anything. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. The Cop leaves. use our nonemergency number. The Cop looks at them. Call. INT. The smell is BAD. The Cop turns to Shane. Todd stiffens. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.. then covers their noses. Ditto. 16 year old female. .. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. If you need anymore help. . (into his radio:) Cancel that a.. with a smirk. weird hair.Then the door swings open. BATHROOM .. Everyone gasps. looking like a Swamp Creature. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. She practically GAGS as she passes him.LATER Shane is in the shower.. Zoe fixes her hair.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. Zoe checks him out as he goes. BACK YARD . CUTE COP 14 year old Male.b.p. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. revealing Shane. 43 INT. thank you.

) Get rid of them. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. 4 . You gotta help me out.. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. He looks at it. He sees on the fridge.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Monday.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. close to tears. pulling Lulu after him.. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. it's Monday. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .S. 4. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. FAMILY ROOM .Shane enters. INT. The Brownies applaud. Mom's our den mother. And it's not like I have any other friends. Shane.all junk food. If we don't sell enough cookies. we can't go the Jamboree. SHANE (O. (whispers:) Come on. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Lulu starts to sniffle. They already think I'm a loser. They won't be home `til ten. cringing in disgust. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. and whistle. in just a towel. they're staring at him. LULU We have to. LULU I can't. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.

SHANE Alright.. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. SHANE Good...wait here. I'm gonna be your den -commander. Shane sighs. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. getting ready to go. KITCHEN .. ZOE ." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. BROWNIE Den Mother? . They are assembled.Lulu's about to burst into tears. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. do as I say. INT. back in "uniform.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. ZOE'S BEDROOM .we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Shane blows passed her. unpacking boxes of cookies. ladies. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. at attention. Indian Style. he's a total psycho. . the other to his back. INT. then drills it into place. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Tonight.. Zoe's on the phone.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. yeah.. INT. LIVING ROOM . then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. I'm scared of you. He's not just locking them -. Here's how it's gonna be.MOMENTS LATER Shane. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. Now -.

colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. ZOE . nuts?" EXT.. it's like Oz or something.. GROCERY STORE . Tyler looks at him -. EXT. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. he's got us on lock-down. No. He looks around at the bright."what are you..nothing even looks like food. the camera CRANES up to.. (she listens:) Hm. I dunno if that's a good idea. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.. GROCERY STORE . NOTHING looks familiar -.PARKING LOT .5. INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. He smiles. GROCERY STORE ... Snack packs. SHANE I gotta get supplies.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. but if anything happens... hits speed-dial. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.. GROCERY STORE . but they're . as he pushes a cart into the store. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. Scott. I can see you through the window. 4 EXT. EXT.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. Zoe picks up the phone.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. He sees: a huge. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. DRIVEWAY .

. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . In their place are the Chubby Scouts.she tugs and tugs. The Cub Scouts high-five. but can't get away. and lets her go. One The Brownies take off running. He laughs. before I get my face punching badge on you. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. clutching their boxes. they're back. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. EXT. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever...but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. menacingly. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. you Skeever? . SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.. . GROCERY STORE . SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.. I haven't seen anybody. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. Finally.noticing very shy. One of the Brownies spots something. He rips it open. chubby CUB SCOUTS.

and points at Lulu's Panic button. 47. He wears . EXT. If I don't come back -avenge my death. I'm here to protect you. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Not cookies. CHUCK E. Get in the car. Where? SHANE INT. He bends down.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He firmly tells Lulu. The Brownies scream.A LITTLE LATER . You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .2ND SCOUT Nope. Cheese MANAGER.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. trembling. Around his neck. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. you're supposed to take us to dinner. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. PARKING LOT . Shane's monitor starts beeping.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. CHEESE .22's. He heads toward the Scouts. The Brownies are huddled behind it. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. we're going home. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.

but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.CHAOS. playing video games and ball. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. Lulu approaches. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.. which causes him to lisp. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. The Manager approaches Shane. skee Brownies are running around. the Chuck E.. . MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. On stage. Cheese! Wider reveals. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. A LITTLE LATER: 48. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.braces and head-gear. Shane's watching Peter. this much cyanide.... This much The Manager laughs. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.

Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. kneels on his head..she pins him to the ground. spins her. Then he a joy stick. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. SHANE That's not fair. Round three starts. He's really mad. and then a kick in the face. The second round starts. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Shane is taking it really seriously. They begin. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. then cracks her in half over his knee. My joystick's broken. LULU The Hulk can. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. He cracks his knuckles.LULU I pressed two player. I thought you liked combat. He checks over his shoulder -. stretches. Lulu screams out with her fighter. . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Lulu picks a small female character. then kicks him in the face..Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Unless you're scared. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Shane even get one punch in -. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . He steps up to the machine. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks.

Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Lulu's having fun now. its joystick dangling by its wires.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. come on -. She keeps dancing. oops too slow. jumping. HOTEL ROOM ... 50.. slamming buttons. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. It's really annoying. LULU Too slow... He is KO'd. Shane's working the joy stick hard..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.LIVING ROOM . but he can't hit her. ZOE . LULU You're not even trying. swinging and missing. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. it's my job to worry. ZOE Mom -. PLUMMER HOUSE .take a shot. dancing. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. leaving the sizzling machine...... the Zhouse is quiet. INTERCUT WITH: INT. Shane's really fuming. Sparks fly. swing and a miss. He and the Brownies sneak away. while he pounds the buttons.stop worrying. INT..

Seriously. I hate leaving you.. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. this is outta hand. Zoe rolls her eyes. VARIOUS SHOTS . where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude. ZOE Dude. but you know I have to do this. counting them. The guy's just a control freak.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. we're okay. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. 51. everything's cool. I love you.in my cell. who doesn't seem concerned at all.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). ZOE I know. And the folks who read my BLOG. MALL PARKING LOT .Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. She turns to Scott. kids everywhere. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. . then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. JULIE It's only a few more days. Don't worry. loads Brownies into the minivan. up. EXT. INT..The Plummer House: .LIVING ROOM . Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . not cool.

freestyling in the ball pool -. MANAGER Relax. He charges across the room with the diaper. the Brownies follow. again.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. Shane grimaces. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. He disappears under the balls -. Suddenly. S 52. CHEESE . gasping.for a long time. He holds his breath. INT.. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. is fine. He's holding the diaper. The Manager is watching him. Not okay.. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. He's still down there.not okay. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. SHANE Inexcusable..Move. and goes down for the diaper. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.LATER . out away from him.. move. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. Whoa. We see what he forgot: PETER.. to leave a man behind like that. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. CHUCK E. move! Go go! EXT.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.they almost always do. Silence. SHANE . SUBURBAN ROAD . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look.

chugging drinks. EXT. trying to understand. Outraged..then CRUSHES the ball... SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings... Shane takes Lulu.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. PLUMMER HOUSE .then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Scott. a total wreck. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. PLUMMER HOUSE . at a full run. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.. INT.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. windows. vents. Shane snatches it mid-air -.J. Reeling.KITCHEN .. 53. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. as he pulls up in the Minivan. peeing in the bushes. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.and groans in disbelief. Party's over. then RUN.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.'s turntables. making out. scared.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. He gets out -. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. Now. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Peter and Tyler up the path. CLUB lock off the door. jocks throwing footballs. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. we're gonna do this ..

The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. Clean. and walk out of sight. as kids clean. It reads: GHOST. In a bathroom. in Playtex gloves. PLOP.CONTINUOUS . trying to maintain his dignity.then he notices something.NIGHT Shane inspects the house... He fumes. INT. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Shane goes over them. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. Miserable TEENS scrub. They see Shane find the CD. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. ladies. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's eyes narrow. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . labeled with a Sharpie. Oh my god. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. mopping. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.. Scott gulps . PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . furiously clean. he takes it off. through binoculars..no highway option. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. straightening -. residue.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. CUT EXT. He lifts the sofa.my way -. He holds it up to a KID.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Scott and Zoe. He hands Scott the mop. INT.

PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. furniture polished.. where she throws up. outside the bathroom door. Shane . INT. Rambo. Todd picks her up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. shaky and furious. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Zoe gets up. (Announces:) Company. Shane stands. After a beat. Lulu's crying. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Zpounding on doors. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. helpless. You're like a robot. PLUMMER HOUSE . you hate us. ueasy. and screams in Shane's face. Zoe blows past him -. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Because you have no respect for yourself.into the bathroom.. she pukes again. CUT TO: EXT. My friends will never come here again. He heads upstairs. downstairs! He walks down the hall. They show no respect for you or your house.. Thanks a lot.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. ZOE .ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. ZOE I do too respect myself.. sits down. Scott's the last one to leave.

SHANE You're right. I'm gone. pounding him with their . but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. tired) It's Scott. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. They leap down after him.55. Red 1. all in black BURST in through the window. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. close-quarters and fast. I'm not the man for this job.the power goes out.. Suddenly. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. He goes down. Wielding with great skill. The Ninjas attack.. talking doesn't do any good. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -.they're good. as soon as your mom comes back. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Not even from the enemy. Shane spins in fight-stance. Suddenly -.. TWO NINJAS.. NINJA GHOST -.the three fight.. fiercely -.hand it over! staffs. Don't worry. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. SHANE Puberty. Go to your rooms. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS.. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.

With his foot. Shane runs to the changing table. .then the Ninjas charge. and grabs it..knocking him into. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. a squeezes . avoiding Legos. blinding him. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.. Shane crashes down. 56 INT. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. They step back. The Ninjas move towards him -.. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. Shane fends the Ninjas off. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. WHACK. He pulls the string.. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. and uses them both to fend off blows. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. PLAYROOM .. toys fly.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. he hits a Ninja in the head. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. and flings them all over the floor. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. several FURBIES hit the floor.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.. SHANE Okay -. it makes a silly thunk. fiercely. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. facing them.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.

It's okay.. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. . The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up..Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. fearful. blinded... He really hugs them. quietly knocks.then the door creaks open. He sprays it in Shane's face. disappointed to have lost them. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. bawling. He runs to the broken window.. You can open up. INT. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. He hugs them. SHANE I'm not going anywhere.. Todd and Zoe enter.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. that your father invented. SHANE Shhh. ANGLE . He A long pause -.. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. Shane bangs the window sill. terrified. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. and Shane sees he's now alone. he hugs Peter and Lulu. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Kids.SHANE 57. SHANE It's safe. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.. HALLWAY . The cloud dissipates.? SHANE They're looking for a program. He squints. Then. Shane isn't sure what to do.

From now on. CLOSE-UP .they all jump.then they hug him. And I'm not going anywhere.. startled. SHANE They're not after you. 58.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Deal? Truce -. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. LIVING ROOM . "Unchained Melody. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. But nothing's gonna happen to you.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.. too. all smiles. INT. the other kids join in. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.. Shane is furious -. you listen to me.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. They shake -. The kids shudder. I'll listen to you too. and do what I say. Then. They want this. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.a long pause." And then. relieved. Then. Soon. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. They hug him tighter. eye to eye. He looks Zoe. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. it's been a long night. Shane offers his hand to shake. as long as I'm here. absolutely nothing pottery .. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. Zoe answers it. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.

So soon? We were just starting to have fun. SHANE (very genuine) . They're gone. Plummer. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. Don't worry -. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. Shane takes the phone. but they didn't find it. You have any luck? JULIE Well. students run in to school. It looks like some kind of "key".. as soon as the customs paperwork clears.. yes and no.it's okay..CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.we'll be just fine. SHANE Mrs. metal two pronged KEY. They were looking for GHOST... Nope. HOTEL ROOM .MORNING Early morning. two men tried to get into the house tonight. SCHOOL . INTERCUT: INT. She holds up the strange. EXT. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.. The minivan pulls up. But we're not sure what it is. We found something in the box. SHANE No . and Shane emerges with the five kids.happened you should worry about. We just don't know what its for. everyone's fine. .

VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. a crazed TEACHER next to her.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). SCREAMING. THE GYM . They look concerned. mortified." Then. An obstacle course with cones.. HITS the gas.INT. then BRAKES. who sits in the back. Murney stands. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. Zoe sits in a folding chair.. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. ANGLE on Lulu. car -. and smiles at Shane.she'll pay for the damage. LULU'S CLASSROOM . ANGLE on Shane. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. then BRAKES. reacting each time she HITS the gas. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. Principal Claire next to him. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. egg in some purple dye.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. He is gesticulating. squashed at a little desk. MURNEY . LULU'S CLASSROOM . EXT. Shane stands off to the side. "yeah..DAY Driver's Ed. SCHOOL PARKING LOT .DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Shane nods. . shaking his head. Peter 60 She smiles. making a mess of an egg. sunglasses on. SHANE Don't worry. she wrecked a driver's Ed. He dips an INT.. Lulu's classmates all chant. I know it's good. So.

.) See if you can talk to the boy. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.I'm a bit concerned. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.That? Lady drivers.. Zoe shrugs. Todd and Zoe stand to go. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. boys will be boys -.yes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. what do you expect. . (pulls Shane aside. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. what's going on.... but -.but this is just sick. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Shane scowls. Todd enters.. Shane stops. I was doing a little recon in his locker.. But this. it's not that -. Murney calls into the hallway.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.it's the boy. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. and I'm not sure what to do. 61.. And that's not all. Shane gives Zoe a look. No. and Shane walks them out. SHANE He's not a NAZI. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. He does always miss sixth period. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. giving him a "skinhead" look..

62. MURNEY It's a date then. as he passes. and leaves. I promise I won't hurt you.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. if you ask me. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Without warning. Shane trips forwards to his knees.. and Murney chases after him. we'll give these boys a treat. stretching. Shane. and keeps walking. and leaps at Shane.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. SHANE I'll talk to him. kicking him in the BACK. I'll show you a couple moves. maybe. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats.that whole family's no good. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Murney laughs. huh? (Shane ignores him.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Kung team: Shane walks away.. Shane walks the kids out. SHANE Another time. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . MURNEY You're a good man.

A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. He enters. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. It's pink. TODD'S ROOM .shakes Shane turns back. you're in charge. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. I want to talk to you. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. he can see Todd. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. SHANE Wait Todd. He starts to shut the window. He sees Zoe. but he .. Keep all doors sealed. and leaves..CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. INT. Shane parks. EXT. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. preheat the oven. Shane screws the window shut. with a flowered basket. It's small for him. Shane looks out the window -. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. keeping the contact. but instead he takes a deep breath. and snickers to his Team. On the corner. SHANE Smart kid. Todd runs towards the house. signal me. Murney his head. so the alarm didn't go off. Shane hops out the window. running around the corner. The window is wide open.far down the block. It looks like Shane might fight. Nothing. do your homework. peering out her window. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. PLUMMER HOUSE .

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

What if. Liesl chimes in. they quickly assemble on stage.. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. or not? Everyone nods.. Todd looks devastated -.. Chicks dig guys who can dance.. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. He smiles. it's over. they're not sure what to do. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. weird or something? 66 . SHANE COMPANY -. show's off...CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. LIESL We don't have a director. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. Shane straightens up. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. TODD . girls'll think I'm. Shane shakes his head. Shane looks at the Cast.. Shane's glare. BEAT. Todd looks up at Shane.. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.

I called him in his room. I won't touch him.. angrily.. ZOE ...LATER . I know it's no big deal.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. He peeks in -. furious. YES WHAT? SHANE . 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway...Yes. No wait! .. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. He hears Zoe in her room.. LULU'S ROOM . INT. SHANE Okay. I don't know why I let it get to me. It's stupid. PLUMMER HOUSE . I promise.. another girl picked up the phone.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. Scott. SHANE . He turns out the light. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. Shane exits. INT. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. BREAKING something.

facility. Uranium. on Lulu's floor. he illustrates. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. the little Elf family -. setting up the scene with DOLLS.. Once there was a family of Elves.Uh. The elves had to go in and take it out. Stumped. (MORE) T S L 8.. I 6 . Went into the magic forest. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. Shane looks at her surprised. ULU Tell me a story... where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. So -they waited for cloud cover. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.Shane tucks Lulu into bed... To find a secret gnome. He sits on the bed. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. and they came in from the north.. Let's see.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. As Shane finishes the story.

.. Peter starts bawling.. or he won't stop.. Like dad used to do.. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Todd calls from the doorway.. NURSERY . Then... TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Lulu's fallen asleep. We got `em all.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. ... head in the door. I can't remember that thing.Rodriquez. TODD You have to do the dance. The wails get louder and LOUDER. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Even. And not one Elf got left behind that day.. from across the hall. S 69. c'mon. TODD I'll write it down for you. And you ain't got a chance. INT. Shane sighs. He made it up for him. the teeniest little elf of all -.. SHANE Oh. and whispers to Peter.. Peter WAILS. and do the Panda Dance. lower than the floor. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.mean standing..

Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT.) EXT. with her Gameboy.. Lulu is next to him. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.... SHANE What are you looking at? INT. He sings again. PLUMMER HOUSE . just like the crabs do. (He does. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.Shane sighs. Humiliated. Peter applauds. He does the dance as he sings. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. SHANE Today you drive. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. staring. Shane hops forward three times. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. The Kids sit bolt upright. and gets in the driver's seat. GARAGE . She gets out in shock. through the mirror. Chun gets his paper.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. mortified. terrified. Shane crab-walks sideways. . T the A 70. Shane turns and catches Mr. (Tyler in the snuggle). hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.MORNING . Shane.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. They turn to Zoe. Chun.

Shane is nervous. The Kids share a dubious look. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.ZOE But -. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Shane is shaky. Zoe backs jerkily out. Zoe is surprised. but trying not to show it. Touched.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. not the road. Lulu and Todd are terrified. Exactly. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on... MINIVAN . Keep going. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. S P . jerkily. no. I trust you.I can't even pass driver's Ed. She pulls out.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. INT...

. Scott's terrified. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.. Very funny.. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. with a few FRIENDS. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).Claire BARKS out. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. KIDS boisterously run past. Do we understand each other? Scott nods.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL.. Zoe smiles. She's wearing a cute dress. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane's . Shane jumps out of the car. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. hey head into the school. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Shane lets him down and heads into school. ZOE Ha ha ha. and a little make-up. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Chastened. INT. Suddenly -. EXT. laughing. 1500 hours. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane spots something. being obnoxious. Broken promises lead to broken legs.71. SHANE Good. severe stare) Now. Before Scott knows what's happened. terrified.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Next lesson. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. trembling. CAFETERIA . Shane unclenches his teeth. Claire strides into view.

.eyes alight.. dragging . Love it when he does that. him by the ear. sailor? Thanks. you never know who you're going to run into. too. She smiles. SHANE hey eat in silence.. impressed. Shane`s not so good at small talk. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. S T P . It's a miracle.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. S he sits beside him. Wow. She's waiting for him to say.. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. Principal Claire sighs "not again.. Suddenly." In one move. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . something. Shane leaps over the table. He smiles back. and offers him a milk. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today.

Then: TODD I am not scared. MURNEY I've had it. Yeah I do.. No one's sure they heard him right. . MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. now it all makes sense. Murney turns around. Talk. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. Murney gets up in Shane's face. I.. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. boy. Todd looks.. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. It opens Friday. MURNEY Winners never quit.Murney shoves Todd forward.. Freak? The Students snicker. I want to sing. I'm right here. M 73. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. TODD Hey. Silence.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. What're you so scared of. Murney. I quit.. intimidated.

There is a stunned moment -. So calm. humiliated. He storms out. The Gym. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. M urney looks over at the Team. taking flyers. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Todd's telling the truth. protecting him. You suck. His voice cracks -. Everyone is watching. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Your ass is mine.face to face.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.and then a mob of Students. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. TODD There is a man in my house -. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Murney did not expect to be called out. Murney looks around. furious -URNEY So -. Let's do it. swarm Todd. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. it's scary S 74. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. The whole team wants to quit.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. They look to the ground sheepishly. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.it reads: .Shane steps them. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. You win. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house.me.

Murney lands on his back."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. mumbling something. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. hard.sending him right into the wall. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. shocked. and they head out. Murney bounds to his feet. Shane side-steps. grabs onto Murney's waist.3:00 mat. WHAM. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. quietly twitching on the ground. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Todd flops to the mat. S 75. rushes Shane. Shane DIVES OVER Murney." INT. Murney. and sweeps Murney -. Shane throws an arm around Todd. The bleachers are PACKED. M URNEY on.BAM. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. 3:00. Todd cheers Shane on. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. GYM .

He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . If you're not sure. She gives him a thumbs up.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. too.Dislocated nerve. I got my troops waiting. . right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. BUGS. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. When I Rwanda. Claire. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. TODD That was awesome. 76 SHANE either. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. TO: EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. They walk out. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. Todd. that's all. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. fascinated. FOREST . LULU We're Brownies. The crowd cheers. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. No brownies edible.

this way -and the Von Trapp is set. EXT. the Girls PUNCH.. here at the top of the stairs. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. He illustrates the stage directions. he reaches out and rocks it. EXT.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. The Kids don't get it. in between punches.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.. INT.we'll put Von Trapps here. in perfect tempo.fascinated. Shane holds a stopwatch. The Duck watches all this -. she burns rubber. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.. He signals her.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. here.FRONT LAWN .." INT. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. PLUMMER HOUSE . KICK. In unison. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. OLD FACTORY . MALL PARKING LOT . and. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. Zoe . NURSERY . He laughs at his own joke. PUNCH. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. PUNCH.. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.she hits EVERY ONE -. KICK.

MALL PARKING LOT .NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. INT.2. They watch closely. she only clips one. EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. INT. your life little girl... NURSERY . ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. PLUMMER HOUSE . in we WIDEN back.. The Brownies attack. EXT. Hands a T . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.out and weaves the cones.FRONT LAWN . OLD FACTORY ... it teeters." Lulu. mercilessly. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.BACK YARD . He counts begins wriggling free. but doesn't fall. blur.. PLUMMER HOUSE . is an empty page/that men will want to write on. Shane gives her a signal.DAY -"1. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. ODD .3. T I E 77. EXT.

SHANE (CONT'D) Good night.EVENING . now and then. Shane is so touched. But sweet dreams. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . He does a spin kick.huh? Now. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Graceful. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. Peter. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.he's got it down. odd tries the spinning kick. Again. Peter. 8. INT.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Todd tries the kick. daddy. NURSERY . Then he tucks Peter in. He kisses Peter on the forehead. THUD! Gazelle." Singing and doing all the moves -.hard. adding a James Brown flourish. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Peter Panda. SHANE I'm not your daddy. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Graceful. but blows it. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. he almost bursts into tears.

on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. S SHANE That's my troop.he sees. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. she wraps it around his arm. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike..MOMMY! She lets him go -. The Scout struggles.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.in a FLIP. the Chubby Cub Scouts. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. scary. The Scouts share a look -.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. see them. In one move. at their own table. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. INT. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. The . but like lightning. As he's comparing prices -. proud.. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. FORMATION. he lands on the ground hard. He smiles. wearing the double snuggle. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. Across the lot. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. striking a cool pose. tying him. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .they LAUGH. the Other Scouts are scared. 9. You're gonna have to pay for that.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

J 82.soldier. The phone rings. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. the kids are all abuzz.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . JULIE The red tape is cleared up. INT. OE I never even got to say good bye.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. BACK YARD . happy. Shane answers it.SHANE He's left alone. ANGLE . HOTEL . HALLWAY . EXT.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. talking excitedly. She throws her arms around Shane. A tear runs down Zoe's face. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. we're on the first plane in the morning. WITH: J INT.

with. Three squares a day. GARAGE . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Shane sighs morosely. the Duck starts quacking. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. your wings aren't clipped. he Duck stares. hane rises. He pets the Duck. SHANE Just another assignment. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Kids to play S . How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Gary sits in the next chair.. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.The house is dark. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Shane turns. No reason for personal attachments. Shane sits in a lawn chair..NIGHT hane turns the light on. Suddenly. INT. unblinking.

BOTTOM OF STAIRS . The wheel spins. crack the lock all night.. Shane steps down it. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. we see a CRANK WHEEL. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. leading below the garage. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.. shines it down the grate. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. INT. DISSOLVE INT. No hinges or cracks. TO: to S 84.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Shane dials a phone. . INTERC UT: B harder. The break in its surface is a strange. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. unsuccessfully. Lulu hands him a tool. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. he floor opens. GARAGE . Nothing. only It's solid and inscrutable. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.SHANE What happened. and then it gives. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane looks on stunned... He's been trying.. He tries muscles rippling.

TO: INT. Bill reacts.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles.. he answers it. and hangs up..Lulu.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Okay. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. BILL . sir.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. It's in a steel vault. W e PUSH INTO the house. Bill's cell phone rings. MRS. We'll be there shortly -. Do you have it? SHANE No. GHOST. pleased.. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. An ominous pause. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Silently spying on Shane.don't do anything `til I get there. GARAGE .. She looks stricken. Through a window. TO: INT. I've been trying all night. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Except for -. don't do anything further.. I think I found GHOST. GARAGE . whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. towards the neighbor's house. Away from Shane.EXT. CHUN CUT BACK . Everyone reacts happily. excited. can't crack it. After we turn this in to my CO. Julie sits beside him. relieved.. SEDAN .

a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). LULU But. Shane -.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong.. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.: The house is spotless. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.O.they hear.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.V. Lulu? You should be happy. The fish tank is clear. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Bill is carrying her suitcases. J JULIE'S P.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .. in the next room.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. She trails off. KIDS VOICES . he has no answer..SHANE He goes silent. SHANE You guys better get ready.. Kids singing a beautiful. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Tongue-tied. comes into the dark hall. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE . The rug is vacuumed. should be home soon. so they probably trashed the place. Julie and Bill hop out. HOUSE . in shock. I 85. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.

Zoe is in a conservative dress. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. BILL (he smiles wryly. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Shane sees Bill enter.. KITCHEN . a capella) . Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. ( B 6. She staggers to. Lulu has bows in her hair. smiling. Dumb-struck. S SHANE Captain.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean.. She sees. Peter is fresh faced. with songs they have sung.. picture- . attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. no dishes in the sink. INT. Julie starts bawling. Across the room.... Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. DINING ROOM .. Lieutenant. INT. for a thousand years. then salutes back) Good job. The Kids rush forward and hug her. featuring Todd. Julie goes to the. Bill steadies her. mom. ZOE Welcome home. 8 JULIE almost faints..(singing.

I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Sir. Bill holds the pronged key. Suddenly. Shane continues.DAY Shane leads Bill inside.INT. SHANE That's kind of you. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Bill stops. all I've never known is the military. ILL I'm really proud of you. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. anywhere you want. GARAGE .. BILL I should hope not.. Don't get me wrong. Shane. And I think I want to explore that some more. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. reluctant. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. You just name it. S S 87. an ANGRY VOICE. surprised.

confused.. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.when suddenly. he looks up as he drops.. SHANE'S POV woozy. and Mrs. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Chun comes closer. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr.Shane and Bill spin. reaching for Bill's key. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Shane peers in confusion. CLOSE-UP . and starts to fall.. while SLAMMING their heads together.. He takes a submissive position. MRS. .. Chun. He is losing consciousness. Shane shoots Bill a glance. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.. then passes out. Things are spinning. B 88.. He turns.. relishing a second of glory -. startled. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. Disoriented.. startled... There were delays.SHANE Lights out. GUNS DRAWN. hane takes control! He smiles. Mrs. Mr.

(to Mr. You -. Inside is a dark corridor. NURSERY . Beside the safe is a red switch. closing the window shades..DAY Shane lies unconscious. He GAGS the kids.. Bill checks the knots binding the children. The Korean Man (Mr. Chun) secures the room. Chun approach the steel door. Chun) Keep an eye on them. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. and it CLICKS. livid. JULIE I trusted you. reaching. tied up. with two . INT. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.. Bill and Mrs. ILL North Korea pays better. They whimper. The door HUMS. The floor is covered with square tiles.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. scared. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. They anxiously tiptoe.with me..BLACK. then slides OPEN! enter. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. 8 Bill grins. The Kids are furious. exit. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. GARAGE .. So did the Department of Defense. Julie glares. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. Charles trusted you. bright and white.. They THE VAULT! Spare. FADE IN: INT. 9. Peter has a JUICE BOX. INT. Bill and Mrs.

Lulu "looks" scared.SAME TIME Mr. low-pitched HUM. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Mrs. completely SINGED OFF. the Chun spins. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. HOUSE .. then Mr. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. as if she hadn't moved. Mr. horrified -.needing a distraction.. BEEPING. The air is filled with an ominous. But behind her back.the Kids look innocent. INT.. MRS.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. off shoulder eyebrows. Chun guards the kids. He sneers. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. MRS. then leans back against Zoe. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. she unties Zoe! Then -. Chun whirls -.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. done. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. CHUN But I've got some C4. Lulu frowns. had eyebrows. Tyler GASPS. MR. She confidently strides toward the safe -.. Chun is Bokay. Mr. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. startled -. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.S. eyeballing them icily.. she hits her panic button! O. CHUN Just. It's set on ARMED.. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. but the of her jacket is on fire. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Bill eyes the safe. like a monstrous computer.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.

Chun's head. Chun looks at Lulu. Mr. They untie Julie. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. HAM without warning. Chun's face.. she KICKS him right in the nuts. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.. Mr. Lulu runs.W Z 90. Mr. Mr. Chun's leg. . Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Chun growls and starts to stagger up.. he drops to his knees in pain. BEHIND TODD .Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. when he's at her level. slamming the door behind her. Skeptical. Chun scowls. CHUN That's cute. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. snake-like move. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. then. he steps closer. Chun laughs: MR.. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. It HURTS.

... I INT.. NURSERY . FRONT DOOR .. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. clutching her! The . He puts his face up to the hole he's made. making a small hole. INT.but as Julie exits. DONNGGG -. INT.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. Chun punches the door. She SCREAMS..CONTINUOUS Mr. NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.CONTINUOUS Mr. M E M 91. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. but the door won't budge. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Bill lurches into view. Chun's face.doorknob. He sticks his face out the hole. He yells out furious! MR. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Chun falls back from the door. his face COATED in white. INT. they're trapped inside.

INT. MR. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. She floors it.I've got the keys. CHUN Chun falls. They start to run back. speaking in Korean: RS. unsure. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. they're not going anywhere. ARGHH! driveway. then nod and run to the side garage... MINIVAN .as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Mrs. Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE . almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. HOUSE . Chun comes racing around the house -.kids are horrified. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT.CONTINUOUS r.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. EXT. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Chun listens to Mr. ...CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.

Mrs.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. lying on the concrete. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.Charles didn't tell me about the room. leading her to the secret door. INT.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Chun exits the vault. GARAGE . BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. They step past Shane's body. Then. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. oe runs a yellow. a CRACKLING of static. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. gaining on them. Don't make me kill you too. B . holding a military RADIO. It's getting old. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM.. VAN . I wouldn't have killed him so soon. INT. chilled.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. Julie GASPS.

DAY The vehicles race. MRS. BUSY STREET .CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Bill deciding if he can trust him.he clicks "talk" on the radio. Bill uncuffs Shane. Bring them back unharmed. It's like a chariot race. Chun zooming by.. ANGLE . He does something we can't see. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. Do it. Bill. MINIVAN ..) Bill. my husband has question: MR. The men stare down.Shane is standing in the doorway. I'll get you in. EXT. half on the sidewalk...S. BILL Change of plan. ZOE .SHANE They look over -. don't hurt the kids. He tries to pass them on the right. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. It's B risky. just please don't hurt anyone.93. ill eyes him. CHUN Mr. Surprised. ILL . emotional. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. SHANE (O. Then -.. as Zoe drives. to cut them off! INT. everyone looks down. they might wreck.. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.

SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Chun off for a beat.. Mrs. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Bill waits impatiently. Chun with debris: milk cartons. M R. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. It throws Mr. SECRET VAULT .What's taking you? 94.. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. orange peels. Chun SCREAMS. and loses control. INT. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Exasperated.. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. crayons.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. . disoriented. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.. Chun holds Julie. Hair spray. She Mr. Mr. Shane is figuring his options. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him.. Mr. In the van. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Mr. Zoe looks over. triumphant. Peter laughs.

Shane steps forward. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names.A bewildered beat -. Shane leaps back.now. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. puzzled.. go get it -.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Peter. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Todd.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. confidently: J B B 95 . He speaks aloud. Lulu. Shane gets up. over one beam and ducking under another -. Bill laughs. Watch. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. in pain. BILL Code or no code. Tyler! Bill reacts. Sweat drips down Shane's face. . sending him flying backwards. Shane steps forward . SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. ill cocks his gun. Shane SQUIRTS it.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.

and do the Peter Panda Dance. He takes a deep breath. just like the crabs do. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie.. E 96 . And you haven't got a chance.they have no idea what he's laughing about. When you're down and low. then back: smiles. lower than the floor.. CLOSE-UP . Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.NOTHING HAPPENS. Shane he steps forwards. He steps sideway. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.SHANE Shane's thinks. Shane LAUGHS sharply. fearlessly. Something she said. Again -. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .. Calmness comes to Shane's face. NOTHING HAPPENS. across two tiles. Bill and Julie share a look -.. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Julie relieved. . He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. He feels the Groove. He thinks. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. not quite centered to the room.

Don't follow me! . Zoe blows past it. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. The Squad Car's lights flash on. 9 7. If he'd been standing.it takes a while.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. ZOE Come on. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Inside is the Cute Cop. he'd be toast. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. they're FLYING. Use the gas. his focus gone.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. and our bodyguard -.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. EXT. and he catches up with the minivan -. When he steps back -. BUSY INTERSECTION . from the ceiling.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. 5-0. They have my mom. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. not the brake. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe.

Suddenly. concerned.. . almost running it off road. Then better jump quick. is Mr. pool of liquid. the Minivan SPEEDS by. in a cloud of smoke. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. like there ain't no floor. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. EXT. Zoe U-turns. and speeds back towards her house. INT. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.. The Squad Car is on its tail.. NECK-BRACE.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. It's acid. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. PLUMMER BASEMENT . at a safe distance.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. SUBURBAN STREET . I accept full responsibility. Squad Car turns around and chases her. EXT. Claire frowns. 98. but if I had more resources. My intelligence proved to be faulty. sliding forward..MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. She shakes her head. Following the chase. SCHOOL . nervously. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.

Shane scowls. pulling Julie along. He's relieved -.. Nothing happens. Bill signals for Mrs. I knew you'd figure it out. You were always my best man. BILL (CONT'D) You know." He jumps. and jump to the left. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates.he waves his hand over the floor.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Chun follows. and jumps back. to calm down) Almost done. 99. All that we stand for.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Bill looks around. What do you say -. Chun to go first. He flips the switch to DISARMED. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. almost done.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. She gestures back: you go. Mrs. disgusted. Finally. The whole room goes SILENT.. The safe's red light turns green. "Just hold your breath. sir. Immediately. He holds his breath just in time. if you're willing to join up. And you betrayed all of that.and walks across the room. Beat." . Shane. BILL Thank you. Whew. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Bill shrugs. Bill takes a breath -. to the left of the HOLE. He nervously steps forward . It's a stand-off. He lands in front of THE SAFE. BILL I'll take that as a "no.

CHUN AAAAAA! 100. then catches himself. but Shane gazes coldly. . I think you better open it. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Reluctantly . That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Bill is incensed. her hair on end.. Shane shrugs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Mrs. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. BILL (CONT'D) . MRS. Bill LUNGES.Mrs. He starts to reach for the dial.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. and touches the dial. unrelenting. hitting Bill's arms. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.Bill turns to the safe. Chun reaches out. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Chun doesn't budge.. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Full of himself.. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. I walked the floor first. shaking from the voltage. Bill gestures to Mrs. But suddenly Mrs. Shane reaches for the safe. Something's not right. Nothing happens. trying to read Shane's poker face. Relief.. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. You open it. Chun. head. Bill is off guard. She turns it.. legs! He's crazed. SHANE There will be no mercy. SIZZLING. BILL None requested.

BILL He steps over Shane. good night. knocking her out. They punch.! EXT. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. SIRENS wailing. tottering. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. landing on his back in front of the safe. saved. connecting only occasionally. Bill is charging him. which Shane deflects -. IN THE VAN. SHANE .. the wind knocked out of him. Shane shakes his head. She catapults. stumbles backwards across the room. OOF! Bill tumbles. Shane narrows his eyes. spin. delivering a series of hard punches. everyone is SCREAMING. Say.. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. But he's unforgiving. unable to gain her balance. he drops and FLIPS her.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. chase after. Shane struggles to lose her. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. then whispers/sings. He jumps to his feet. PLUMMER'S STREET . Shane COLD-COCKS her. SHANE You're a. K. It's clear the both have the same training. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. kick. ANGLE . Shane tumbles. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.they tangle like pro's. Leering mercilessly. Suddenly. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.O.. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. terrible neighbor. She smiles.. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. The Police Cars .

But it's too late. The van SKIDS. The kids clamber from the van. then look in the safe: Inside.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads..) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The garage door raises. The Kid spill out and run. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.101.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.SAME TIME Total commotion. Whoa. JULIE Thank you Shane. then BRAKES.. from the car. HOUSE . They look in silence. SHANE . smoke BURNING from the tires -. Shane steps out. Now we can go back to our peaceful. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. SECRET VAULT . Then -.. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. with their hands raised. grateful..and hits a tree. She smiles at Shane. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. INT. It's finally over. Cops surround them. GHOST. Shane gently removes it.O.

Shane spins. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Shane weighs his not so many options. Silence. ZOE But. The Cops are unsure what to do. Nobody is sure what to do. and grabs the MR. you're in a lot of trouble.. vaults onto Chun. uh. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. TEN MILLION DOLLARS... trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.CUTE COP FREEZE.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Numerous. helpless. officer. Mr. He scoffs. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.S.. I suggest you call the FBI.a CRAZED SCREAM. triumphant. But then -. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. CHUN (O.. Now. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Chun stands inside the gate. Julie and Shane Freeze. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. 10 2. Zoe. He's disheveled and manic. as he turns his head. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. MR. Even Chun is amazed. Cops cover Shane and Julie..) HIT THE GROUND!!! ..

103. AGENT Mr. Agent.I. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. F . DISSOLVE TO: EXT. Wolfe. CLOSE-UP . that was nice work. CLOSE-UP . ANGLE . This chaos is unsolvable.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Shane talks with an F.LATER F. Shane examines it. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. INT.rocket launcher. GARAGE . AGENTS swarm the area.B.I.B. swelling with pride. watching the FBI Agents work..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. then walks off.B.I. You're a one-man battalion.. Julie huddles with the kids.B. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. SHANE Just doing my job. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. F. reaches for his radio. he . Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. COP I think I'll call the FBI.

. The Plummers hug each other. She sees.. re-conning the situation. Lulu -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. 104.I want to say: I love you more than anything. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. I always have. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. EXT.Maui? . Her siblings. SHANE Well. And to tell the truth.. He looks around: at the family. Todd.. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. Peter. Zoe. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Tyler.. and Julie notice.. here. I don't know. I'm kinda. I don't see anything but reasons to stay... say -. A tear comes to her eye.. SHANE . Summer's almost here. a letter.Yes. Mock-angry. You tell me. and gather around. I'm on dry land. then Julie found the key. Does it itch? Yes. You're the superior office. Shane looks at her. from the safe. He looks at Claire. fallen onto the floor. Julie.. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . On.. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.

105. He puts them down. I'm gonna .his medal.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Lulu turns to Shane. Thank you. Zoe gives them a look -. Your work here is through. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. come here you.Sir yes sir. He wipes his face. SHANE Claire beams. TIGHT . to shake his. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Like he did. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.. Julie looks up. Shane.. Guess you have to go now. The Plummers all approach. For everything. He squeezes her hand around it. interrupting. LULU This is it. baffled.he hugs the whole family at once..SHANE This is too much. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. She puts out her hand. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Shane bawls -. A long beat. P ETER Love you.he can't keep it in. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . ZOE But. He starts to head off. squeezing them off the ground. SHANE Ah.. sad.

VICTORIA THEATRE. Julie watches in astonishment. BACKSTAGE . Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family." In the audience. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. The performers take their curtain . SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Shane stands. They all watch." Hearts swell. the little Brownie Troop. until he sits back down. Farewell. She is surrounded by her children. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. It's fantastic -. even Murney. Scott: in a suit. Claire: dressed to the nines. beaming with pride. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long.a Michael Jordan dunk. Todd spins. In SLOW MOTION. rapt. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. Shane watches with bated breath. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. his hair combed. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. You Are Sixteen begins. A STANDING OVATION.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. hit your marks.

then giddily gesture Shane to come out.and the house goes crazy.imsdb.html on December 9 2010 . THE END http://www. Thundering applause. He humbly steps into view -.com/scripts/Pacifier. touched.calls.-The. Shane smiles. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. Mission accomplished. FADE OUT.

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