THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

him his oxygen.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. But you have to do exactly what I say. When it finally opens. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. He cuts the Professor's GAG. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. My way -. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. terrified. INT. He's gone. ON THE DECK .no highway option. PLUMMER How did you know where I. when I say it. He tries force the door open. EXT.. Do you copy? (Plummer nods.. As the water rises. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. but can't get free. over his head. they're almost out of ammo. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. United States Navy..CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. . Up to his nose. Shane removes his mouth piece. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.SIMULTANEOUS Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. I'm gonna get you outta here. Plummer screams. SHIP'S HOLD . to the roof.. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. hauling the Professor up..

terrified. 5. SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. and pulls himself.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. holding the Professor. clearly he loves this kind of day. He .A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. more!" They do. INT. Hold on. OCEAN'S SURFACE . Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. EXT. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane takes a deep breath. then disappear gracefully back into the water.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. HELICOPTER . INT. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . HELICOPTER . SHANE INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. pulling the Professor in behind him. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.

Please. We have to keep moving. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. rotors whirling slowly. CHARLES I'm safe.. PLUMMER Oh my God. Not imperative to the mission. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . The Professor takes out his mouth piece.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter.beside him. She thinks I'm dead. That was the most incredible. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. waits.. CHARLES Lieutenant. . shutting him up. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Charles stops Shane. EXT. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. the Professor looks terrified. I'm just not big on chit chat.. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. thank you. I can't believe you.. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Lieutenant. how'd we.

Charles dials. WHAM...couldn't crack it. INT. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. I'm alive.. you want to see it? Negative. Shane looks at him.. Designed it myself. puzzled.. Peter. SHANE We're almost ready. and talks. then hands him his satellite phone. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. I do security. All goes . And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. RUN!!! black. Charles dials his cell phone. PAVE HAWK . Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. knocked unconscious. Todd. back to him. The briefcase pops open... Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor..Charles picks up his briefcase. that's my specialty. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. It's voice activated. PILOT sits. I have a picture of my kids in here. DEAD. Tyler. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Lulu. Shane considers. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Shane drops.

: Everything is a blur. Captain. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. in slow-motion. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. I know sir. Everything is ablaze. He looks around.. unassuming. Bill sits down beside the bed. There is huge explosion. barely conscious.7.V. And a good friend. You're the best man I ever trained. HOSPITAL .DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. PAVE HAWK .. but he does it anyway. as the chopper ignites. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. despondent. and takes Charles' Briefcase.friendly. Shane reaches out. HOSPITAL .it hurts to salute. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.O. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . He sees Charles. He takes a long look at Shane. SHANE'S P. EXT. SHANE . He holds a REPORT in his hand. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. His arm and face bandaged. A Huey Helicopter lands. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. unconscious. sir.

. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. SHANE The case was empty sir. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Invigorated.T. He can't believe his good fortune..O.. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.. Thank you.H..SHANE He had to call his family.. Bill considers this. really. BILL Not a surprise. Then.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. disconnects an IV.. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. is still out there. as I stated in my report.. SHANE Sir. Bill shakes his head. He pulls up a chair. appreciate your confidence. he pulls off bandages. and sits opposite Shane. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. BILL . He called it G. I. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. and starts to rise. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.O. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.T..a genius. Shane sits up.S.S. 8. G. I'm gonna need the mini sub. disappointed. It's not that kind of mission.H.

I need someone to stay at that house. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. I'll call you in an hour. presses play. and protect them.H. He's a good man.. I've never been very good with kids. call Lt... intrigued. I should go. hearing the dead man's voice.. SHANE'S APARTMENT . Shane is shocked. (MORE) 9. Not even when I was a kid sir.) Honey. sir. Shane Wolfe. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. sir. Whoever killed the professor must think G. anyway.if anything happens to me.O. Maybe it is. Widow.S.. It's just that.S. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. CHARLES (O. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. CUT TO: INT. I love you..NIGHT .Shane listens. The family's scared. maybe it isn't.. BILL The professor's wife requested you. Shane is surprised. I'm alive. top to bottom.. BILL .T. I got a call from the professor's wife. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Searched the place. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. She told me someone had broken into her home. is in that house.. Either way.

identical to the one he wears. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat.s. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. EMALE VOICE (o. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. He reaches in. He looks at for a moment. Shane looks like a bad ass.and sees LULU. Shane looks down -. It SQUEAKS.. camouflage vest. Shane frowns. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. night vision goggles. 8.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Shane's P. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. we're not interested. machete. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). EXT. also identical to the one he wears. they all go in.. . He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.O. Hm. SUBURBAN STREET .Shane packs his duffel bag. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.V. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. ready for anything. He rejects it. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. Shane double-checks the address.. Shane eyes Lulu. Lulu eyes Shane.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. with toys all over the lawn. and pulls out a small.then the door swings open. The sprinklers go off. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. peering up at him. 10. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. Shane heads to the door.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. entersJULIE I'll be there. listening to the conversation. with her suitcase. This could all be over! BILL (o.. Shane.. LIVING ROOM . Through the window.s. The phone RINGS inside.Nighttime -. it's Bill Fawcett.. INT. Julie and Shane share a look.s. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga will . Julie casually answers it. 14. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. BILL (o. INT.) There's a catch. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. I think it could contain GHOST. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.the family eats dinner.) Julie. We slowly pull out.MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE That's wonderful. I have some potentially good news.s.NIGHT Shane. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. through the kitchen window.

I'm gonna miss you. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. Mrs. They'll be safe with me. H S . Helga will take care of everything else. I am a mom. HELGA Everything will be fine. it's my job to worry. chill. . Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble... And guys.. are you licensed to kill? . Julie gets in the car and it drives away. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. And on the phone... HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. I love you guys. I'll be back in 48 hours..we'll be fine. it's just.... do it. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. SHANE Don't worry. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.handle everything. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. And on the back door. No.. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. Plummer. ZOE Mom -.

INT.. Gary suddenly FLIES by .. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .WHRRP! Shane ducks.. elga stomps out. He shuts off the - . screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.s... pouring in Cheerios. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. Shane shakes his head. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.. Shane turns off the light.NIGHT Shane.. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. on a short ladder. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. SHANE (CONT'D) .5. I make bottle. can't find him. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Immediately. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . You do something.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.NIGHT hane rushes in -. when in the corner of his eye -. INT. Shane heads down the hall. looks around for the CRYING BABY.

PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Shane runs. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. EXT. tool. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. runs off. SHANE Not with this kid. ZOE Okay. house like a marionette. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Zoe! . revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager... calling out from across the street. I'll call you. ZOE He's my boyfriend. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles... Zoe -.. .window alarm and sneaks out silently. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. They both tumble to the ground.. jumps onto the trampoline. Shane LIFTING him in the air. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. He's dazed.BACK YARD . S COTT .CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys.go back inside. fine. 16. come on Scott. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. but alright. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.

Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. we own a bakery. Look.. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Oh. The Alarm's still blaring. Shane addresses them. The alarm stops. SHANE MRS. Shane's about to head inside. MR. so we're up kind of early. huh baby-sitter? Mr. SHANE My apologies. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. We had an intruder. and we found this in our pool filter.Zoe storms inside. THE CHUNS. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . A simple misunderstanding. I INT. CHUN Thanks a bunch. CHUN . They're arguing with each other in Korean. CHUN (perfect English. Sorry.. MR. fuming. pop their heads out. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. no accent) We speak English.NIGHT . Oh. PLUMMER HOUSE . Kojak. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway.. Shane stands there..

where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Shane shuts her door. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. SHANE Not anymore. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Bite me! Shane frowns. Zoe falls backwards into the room. . He "hops" her down the hall to her room. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. continues down the hall. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Loud.) sing).my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. Shane marches back down the hall. She has to hop on one foot. Shane flips her foot in the air. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. to not fall over. lower than the floor. You should have told her the truth. S W 1 8. angry rock music blares from Todd's room.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.hane marches Zoe up the stairs.s. ZOE Who do you think you are -.

keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. T Z Z T 19. in bed -. INT. . Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. The Children. just like the crabs do. Then jumps up. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more.laugh and laugh. warm orange light. to their beds. Peter in his bed. he wriggles on the floor. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Shane shakes his head. EXT. Three steps forward. then "crab-walks" sideways.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. She does. HOUSE . In the bedrooms. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib.groove.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. one step back. PLUMMER HOUSE . and do the Peter Panda Dance.

Move.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. 20 . oe is wrapped in blankets. like she's been electrocuted.odd is out cold. TODD'S ROOM . The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Helga runs through in hair curlers. S . SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.. carrying the crying baby.MORNING Todd sits up. disoriented. L Move. Not in front of the kids. INT. Covering their ears. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. You're insane. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Todd blinks groggily. Suddenly his door flies open -.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. half-asleep and angry.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. HALLWAY .m. ODD It's Sunday. motionless. not understanding what's happening..

do you. HELGA (She curses Again. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. KITCHEN . shocked. sucking on a bottle. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.) Shane's jaw drops.. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. INT..he gives him a look of disbelief.. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. lined up tallest to shortest. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.. . L 21. Your behavior is unacceptable. in Romanian. ladies. No highway option.LATER The children are assembled. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and you.

Shane bangs hard on it. P eter farted.. Everyone stares blankly -. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Shane tries to maintain decorum. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . wait. Red Leader. he's furious. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. The panic button is only for emergencies. or you're dead. So you are -. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Everyone cracks up. Touch that -. He yells at her. Shane bounds up the stairs. Never take them better be dying.. He tries the knob.. but it's locked. Angry. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. S ULU (CONT'D) . Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.and you do it. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Red baby. INT. I tell you what to do -.a tense silence. SHANE Tracking devices..(pointing) Red 1. ZOE I am not wearing that. End of chain.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Red 2. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. where's the older male? There were five. ZOE He's in his room. Now that I know I can't trust you.

and head down the hall. hits Shane on the head.LATER ZOE . Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. INT. this wouldn't have happened. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. to her room. INT. She stops at Todd's door -. patrolling. He has to go. If you'd been wearing it. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Shane steps aside.a FLUSH. HALLWAY . The entire frame collapses. He sees Shane... Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer.MORNING . Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. and Todd comes sauntering back. then CRASHES inward.they glare at Shane.. the destroyed door and wall. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Todd nods in agreement.. Oops.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. A piece of the ceiling falls. Zoe comes up the stairs. Down the hall -.SMASH! The wood CRACKS.22. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. I can fix this.

His head shifts.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. he hears something suspicious -. LULU This house is haunted. He rushes for the front door. hard. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. INT. to see that Peter is chasing her. Lulu SHANE Hey.S. just as -. I don't know.WHACK -. Shane turns. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. And then it hits Shane.LATER . Lulu hides behind Shane.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. He said there's a ghost.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. He pretends to be a ghost. Daddy even said so. clicks his alarm remote opens it. hey. wearing a towel as a sheet.the rumble of a car approaching. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. PAPERBOY (O. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Peter! screams. Really? His eyes light up. HALLWAY . L S 23. Peter Booos again.

ZOE Here he comes. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. When he hears an alert from his laptop. all the way down. scanning the ceiling.a creak... as laundry flutters down from above. appears. He RAPS again. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. feeling. inally.ZOE AND TODD . Then -. STAIRWAY .SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs..! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. He goes back to the living room. T IGHT . carrying a huge laundry basket. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. I INT. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.. pushing. BANGING her head and ass on each step. Searching. listening for hollow spaces.. MR. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. Shane scans it. Zoe whispers. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. F . Nothing.. then turns his attention to his laptop. She screams.Shane walks slowly down the hall.

He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. BANKER Marcel! out. terrified. If we can't get some faster service. They wait patiently -. Bill can't stand it anymore. He feebly gets up. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry.They gulp. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. looking jet-lagged. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. INT. this is an urgent matter. 25. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd.DAY Bill and Julie. The Banker looks at him blankly. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. we're going to have to file a complaint. He seems to be about 100 years old. Then looks back to the paperwork. ZOE Uh-oh.DAY Establishing. He jumps to his feet. mouthing along in FRENCH. then licks his finger to turn the page. EXT. I can't. SWISS BANK .til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. It's taking him a LONG time. Not in Switzerland. He licks his finger again. . but can't get the page to turn. SWISS BANK .

remain calm -- 26. As soon as your background checks clear. QUACKING. the chief does not speak English. Shane picks up the receiver. MARCEL. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.Another Banker. PLUMMER HOUSE . Oui. He DRAGS her back. The duck flies around. How long is that? INT. and Helga dashes for the door. Peter's in the aquarium. suitcases in hand. Shane dives. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. He grabs her suitcase. Shane moves for the phone. enters. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. RING! Amid the chaos. SHANE (CONT'D) . I QUIT. JULIE Thank you. The suitcase handle breaks off. As she tries to wrestle it away. grabbing her foot. HELGA I am calm.Shane tries to block her path. heads to the door will have access to the box tout-suite. But I can tell you -.SAME TIME Helga. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door.

SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Mrs. and Shane falls back. 27. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Shane body-checks it closed. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Shane hangs up the phone.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Helga struggles to get him off. HOUSE .. Duty.Ah. Plummer. Mrs. Shane lets go. Helga scampers out the door. He picks up his hand. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. (covering the phone.everything's fine.. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do.Helga falls forwards. Plummer. against the counter.. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. CRUNCH. EXT. that landed on a diaper.. Just doing my. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.

SHANE Okay. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. if she loves you. HOUSE .. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. takes a deep breath and strides inside. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. she'll come back. There's been a change of plans. ANGLE .SHANE Rises. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. .. we're just gonna have some more big fun. listen up. defeated. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought.he slowly glances up.. to find the kids are all gloomy. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. Then -. In the meantime. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. He drops his head..SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. ANGLE . baby cries. INT. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. dumbfounded. in the rear window. Helga glares back. The 28.Helga jumps in the cab.

. I'm Navy. BATHROOM . 29. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. SHANE Whoa. SHANE (CONT'D) flops open. repelled. inundated.. CLOSE-UP . INT. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER.SHANE He gulps. nice moment. holding his nose. HEY! Even Peter runs. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. All for one. everyone bolts from the room. And then -. he cautiously unfastens the diaper.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. your enthusiasm.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SShane GROANS. Pure self-preservation. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Using the tools as chopsticks. takes a deep breath. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. Until -.. Nobody will help. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. Only then can we rise to the challenge.

. HALLWAY . Shane tries approaching -.SHANE The things I do for my country.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Lulu follows at his heels. I think you're cute. LULU Hi. he looks down to see Lulu.) Thank you.he can't do it. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. INT. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Lulu is in her pj's. . SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. then FLUSHES. like a puppy.. over and over and over. She follows. Aghast. he looks around for a solution. Lulu doesn't go away. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. she just stares at him. 30. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.

MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. and patrols. All the lights are out. Shane smiles. The kids sit down at their designated spots. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't's time for you take a nappypoo. Lulu looks at him. INT. I can get lots more of those. And I've survived off this stuff for months." dubious. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. and shuts off her light. Todd.Shane walks room to room. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. KITCHEN . little girl. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. The Kids stare at "breakfast. in beddibye land. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. all the kids asleep. 31. proud of his accomplishment. . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. like he's an idiot. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in.BREAKFAST . Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. pulling down the shades on every window. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed.

PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey.. So -. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. He runs away. you go out. Peter starts bawling. Wanna see? Negative. . Peter stands in his chair.. And the phone rings. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. We're gonna pull together. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears... crying... I can cross my eyes. Shane sighs. if I say out. ZOE He's only two. Shane turns to address them: SHANE not here to take care of you now. dancing.. If I say's how it's gonna be.. Your mama -. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. too. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. then at Tyler -. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. you stay in. trying to hear over the screaming. Shane turns to Lulu.. I don't have any idea what you're talking about..ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. all for one. one for all. ladies. (then:) Yes.. LULU .. Shane answers.

EXT.. GARAGE .. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Zoe smiles at him.a death defying. A big suburban school. The Minivan skids completely sideways.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. INT..h.p. into a TINY parking spot -. backwards at sixty m.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. Oh. GARAGE . He hangs up. Across his chest. EXT. legal guardian. SHANE Not on my watch.. yes. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.. LULU We're gonna be late. perfect parallel park. Thank you. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. He said if you're late again.. It hits ZERO.. dramatically unveiling Shane. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. I know it's Monday. innocently. INT. you and Todd are expelled. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Shane fumbles with it for a while. and at that . Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . It just doesn't add up. With your . 32 SHANE Plummer residence.M. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. sir.9:29 A. He wants to see you in his office.

He glares at Shane. Top to bottom. whatever work you can get. son? SHANE Wolfe. Murney is unimpressed. assured. I'm Murphy. Looks like Mrs. holding Peter on a harness. too. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. boy. K thru 12. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. He withers. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Well. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. V. He's HUGE and mean. conduct and truancy. The Kids crack up. Duane. I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. mortified.. as he plays on the floor. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Plummer finally listened. Out of twenty-three. They're the worst students in my school. tough. Shane. You're in my house now. Lieutenant. The Kids are seated around him. they needed a parole officer. . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name.moment.P in charge of discipline. Murney is furious. She's attractive.. a few days.

You see.. Get moving. fuming. I think I can handle this from here. He exits. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. (then. Shane checks his TRACKER -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. impressed. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Plummer called my captain.Good morning kids. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.and suddenly reacts. The teens hustle off to their classes.. I am in charge of.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Plummer. She told me all about you. The opens the door for Murney. 34. Principal Claire eyeballs him.. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Good. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. that as vice principal. Red 2. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. SHANE Red 1. as he casually holds the three kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Mrs. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Claire sees this -. staring him up and down.. What are you doing in my office. BELL rings.two little red DOTS move away. Lieutenant.

SHANE . Just try not to frighten the children. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Welcome aboard. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE Can't be too careful. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. The 35... A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. Service paid for my college. Claire looks nervously around. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.. Courage.. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". On the spot. SHANE .MID-MORNING seeShane. and the way I run my school. dead serious.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.... JUMP CUT TO: EXT.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. She lifts her pants leg. to balance Shane. SHANE "Honor. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. So. That's the way I live my life.(Shane nods.

Todd. one. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.V. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. with stern intensity.last time: Open the hanger.Clean as a whistle. INT. Now -. Save us both a world of pain. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Official Business.. sitting in the back row of a class. turns her back to him embarrassed. Black Hawk coming in. Zoe.V. He checks his tracking device. Shane closes the computer. in line to get lunch.. two.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Beside Shane.O. Todd.O.. delighted. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.. BINOCULARS P. does the same. He turns to the person front of him. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. SHANE Give up now. like a tether ball. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. CAFETERIA . 36 . Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Lulu sees Shane and waves. picks up a pair of binoculars. in Shane puts down his binoculars.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. . yanks his hood over his head.

Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. you don't..but you're pretty good at this. Oh.. you know.. not so dry where you're sitting. man. 37. SHANE Hey -. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. Claire smiles. (she looks at his chair) Well. lieutenant. Shane sighs. I guess. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. ignoring him. Can I call you Shane? . and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. Seriously. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Mr. A whole day. huh? Shane gives her a look. .) Shane. with milk. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.I out rank you. When you agreed to serve your country. (she toasts. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -.. I'm impressed. He yanks Tyler away from him. Sure.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Tyler laughs. Principal Claire smiles. You're on dry land.Tyler gurgles.. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.

RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. and "punches fists" with him. impressed. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Zoe. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. LUNCH-LINE . MURNEY The kid's mixed up. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Look at him. cheering. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.That's.. next week's tournament is off. I don't care who starts it. As soon as they see the Principal. INT. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. MURNEY He did. the crowd freezes. in the crowd. Personally ... Murney smirks. but not stopping it. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. unusual. and the sound of Students in an uproar. VP Murney is watching. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. (Todd) 38. MURNEY You heard the lady.

Don't even think it. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. the crowd breaks up. I forgot you had to baby-sit. what do you say? Come on. Murney approaches Shane. MURNEY Oh. SHANE . flinch.... Todd shakes him off and heads to class. That's right. Todd lunges at control. promise I'll go easy on you. Maybe you could stop by practice. The Bell rings. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.I think that's a little harsh. man. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Frogman -. MURNEY Pretty slick. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. 39 . stopping an inch from Shane's head. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.. I'm on duty. Boys'll be boys.. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Maybe some other time then. yeah. sticking the landing. Murney. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. sir.I'm a black belt myself. He'd kill you so fast.. (low. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.Todd lands on his feet. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Sorry. Nice moves. SHANE . .

2ND GRADE HALLWAY .. It leads him to a door. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.Tyler's diaper is full.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Roger that. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Just then. Peter is asleep in his shoulder.change him.CONTINUOUS . an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Bathroom's down the hall.. and not cry. SCHOOL HALLWAY . The Principal strolls up... Shane recoils in disgust. as he keeps watch. INT.. Have fun. following his tracking device. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Tyler is crying.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. another dollar twenty. Emergency! SHANE INT.. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. for one who'll eat. He bursts though it. Panicked. Not my job. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. minus taxes. holding Tyler out like a grenade. Lt. Then Shane smells what she means -. SHANE Oh -. Uh. doing a shoulder roll. But. 40.INT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.

The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. They make a sharp right. are heading away from the school fast. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. 41.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. SHANE EXT. EXT. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . BUSY INTERSECTION . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. I INT.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. Shane lands in fight stance -. but the FINAL BELL rings.the Class applauds. Shane is furious. Lulu is in front of the class. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . He blasts through a red light. Shane makes a right. He hands her to the Principal.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. racing down the road ahead of Shane. through the fence. He leaps out of the minivan. HALLWAY .CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Thanks. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. almost tipping the minivan. At that moment.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He speeds away after them. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. with the Panic Button in her hand.

He catches his breath. From outside.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. Shane pries off the manhole cover. SEWER .It's dark and dank.LIVING ROOM . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane easily takes them out. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.section. INT. then checks his tracker. then checks the tracker -. and charges through. No sweat. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. INT. Three Workers rush him.the DOTS are CLOSE. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. . ANGLE . SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. SQUISHY footsteps.SHANE He's alone. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's horrific.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. all brandishing tools. they hear the front door open. He takes a deep breath and dives under. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Shane trudges through the river of muck. Shane lowers himself down. He winces. and the sound of OMINOUS.then RUN. you're about to get a beat down. feet away. IN THE MANHOLE . The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.then gasps -.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.

BATHROOM . Zoe checks him out as he goes. INT. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.. looking like a Swamp Creature.. The smell is BAD.b. Todd stiffens. Everyone gasps. revealing Shane. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.Then the door swings open.LATER Shane is in the shower.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. use our nonemergency number. BACK YARD . The Cop looks at them. with a smirk. weird hair. The Cop turns to Shane.. then covers their noses. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. Ditto. Covering her nose. INT.. If you need anymore help.. 16 year old female. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. KITCHEN . . That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Zoe fixes her hair. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. Call. thank you. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. 43 INT. he doesn't say anything. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. The Cop leaves. . A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.p. She practically GAGS as she passes him.

all junk food. FAMILY ROOM .S. 4. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. they're staring at him. You gotta help me out. Monday. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU We have to. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. Shane. SHANE (O.. in just a towel.) Get rid of them. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.. it's Monday. Mom's our den mother.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. (whispers:) Come on. LULU I can't. INT. Lulu starts to sniffle. They won't be home `til ten. They already think I'm a loser. close to tears. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.Shane enters. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. we can't go the Jamboree. cringing in disgust. If we don't sell enough cookies. pulling Lulu after him. He sees on the fridge.a dozen little girls in uniforms. 4 . He looks at it. The Brownies applaud. and whistle.

then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. INT.. Here's how it's gonna be. Shane ushers the Troop out the door.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Zoe's on the phone. getting ready to go. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. ZOE'S BEDROOM . He's not just locking them -. I'm gonna be your den -commander. at attention. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. yeah. Indian Style. KITCHEN . the other to his back. INT. Now -. INT. SHANE Alright. back in "uniform. Tonight. Shane blows passed her. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door." paces in front of the Brownie Troop... SHANE Good. he's a total psycho.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. LIVING ROOM . DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -... then drills it into place.wait here. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. They are assembled. . I'm scared of you. ladies. BROWNIE Den Mother? .A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room.. Shane sighs.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. ZOE .Lulu's about to burst into tears. unpacking boxes of cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. do as I say.

GROCERY STORE . 4 EXT. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway.PARKING LOT . colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. but they're . Snack packs. as he pushes a cart into the store. EXT. ZOE . Scott.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. DRIVEWAY .. GROCERY STORE ..nothing even looks like food.. I can see you through the window. nuts?" EXT.... but if anything happens. the camera CRANES up to. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups..... SHANE I gotta get supplies. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.. NOTHING looks familiar -. GROCERY STORE ."what are you.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. Tyler looks at him -. (she listens:) Hm. Zoe picks up the phone. he's got us on lock-down. He sees: a huge. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. No. hits speed-dial. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. INT. He smiles. it's like Oz or something.5. EXT. I dunno if that's a good idea.

They're headed straight towards the cookie table. . they're back.. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. One of the Brownies spots something. One The Brownies take off running. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. menacingly. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT ..she tugs and tugs.. and lets her go. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. chubby CUB SCOUTS. GROCERY STORE . SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. clutching their boxes. EXT. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. Finally. before I get my face punching badge on you. He laughs.. The Cub Scouts high-five. but can't get away. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever.. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. I haven't seen anybody.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone.noticing very shy. He rips it open. you Skeever? .

Cheese MANAGER. The Brownies scream. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.A LITTLE LATER . CHUCK E. Get in the car. EXT. we're going home. you're supposed to take us to dinner. Not cookies.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. He bends down. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. PARKING LOT .I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. He wears . Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. 47. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. and points at Lulu's Panic button. He heads toward the Scouts.2ND SCOUT Nope. He firmly tells Lulu. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Around his neck. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Where? SHANE INT.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. I'm here to protect you. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . CHEESE .22's. trembling.

in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.braces and head-gear. which causes him to lisp. playing video games and ball. this much cyanide. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.CHAOS. skee Brownies are running around. . the Chuck E. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. Cheese! Wider reveals. The Manager approaches Shane. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. Lulu approaches.. A LITTLE LATER: 48. On stage.. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. Shane's watching Peter. This much The Manager laughs.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E..

Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Round three starts. He steps up to the machine. Then he a joy stick. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Then kicks him in the head repeatedly.. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. My joystick's broken. then cracks her in half over his knee. Unless you're scared. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. LULU The Hulk can.LULU I pressed two player.she pins him to the ground. and then a kick in the face. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. kneels on his head. then kicks him in the face. stretches. I thought you liked combat. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Shane is taking it really seriously. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane even get one punch in -. SHANE That's not fair. He cracks his knuckles. He's really mad. They begin. He checks over his shoulder -.. . Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. The second round starts. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Lulu screams out with her fighter. spins her. Lulu picks a small female character.

.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. ZOE Mom -.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.take a shot. but he can't hit her. LULU Too slow.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. INT. Shane's really fuming. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. 50. ZOE .. come on -... She keeps dancing.. It's really annoying. Shane's working the joy stick hard. PLUMMER HOUSE . INTERCUT WITH: INT.LIVING ROOM .. slamming buttons. it's my job to worry. He is KO'd. dancing.. the Zhouse is quiet.stop worrying.. HOTEL ROOM .. He and the Brownies sneak away.. swinging and missing. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. swing and a miss. Lulu's having fun now.. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. LULU You're not even trying. oops too slow. its joystick dangling by its wires. leaving the sizzling machine. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.. Sparks fly. while he pounds the buttons. jumping.

ZOE I know. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. ZOE Dude. Zoe rolls her eyes. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. this is outta hand. but you know I have to do this. loads Brownies into the minivan. INT. 51. everything's cool. She turns to Scott. MALL PARKING LOT .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED.Seriously. EXT. we're okay..The Plummer House: . Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . counting them. And the folks who read my BLOG. VARIOUS SHOTS . ZOE Dude. kids everywhere. who doesn't seem concerned at all. JULIE It's only a few more days. . I hate leaving you.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. PLUMMER HOUSE . I love you. The guy's just a control freak. not cool. up. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma my cell.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle)..Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.LIVING ROOM . where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Don't worry.

Shane grimaces. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. out away from him. SUBURBAN ROAD . CHUCK E. Whoa. SHANE Inexcusable. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. is fine.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. He holds his breath. to leave a man behind like that. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. INT. again... He disappears under the balls -..Move. gasping.. Not okay. the Brownies follow. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. move. CHEESE . we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Suddenly. move! Go go! EXT.they almost always do. freestyling in the ball pool -. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.not okay.. We see what he forgot: PETER. The Manager is watching him.. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. MANAGER Relax.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.for a long time. Silence. S 52. He's holding the diaper. SHANE . He charges across the room with the diaper. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.LATER . the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. and goes down for the diaper. He's still down there.

Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. CLUB lock off the door. then RUN. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.. PLUMMER HOUSE .KITCHEN . as he pulls up in the Minivan. INT. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.. a total wreck.then CRUSHES the ball. scared. Now..NIGHT Shane is exhausted.'s turntables. Shane takes Lulu. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Reeling. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. at a full run. Peter and Tyler up the path. trying to understand. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J.. PLUMMER HOUSE . gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. Outraged. EXT. He gets out -... Shane snatches it mid-air -. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. 53. windows.. Party's over. we're gonna do this . jocks throwing footballs.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. making out. vents.and groans in disbelief.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Scott. chugging drinks. peeing in the bushes.

He fumes. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling.then he notices something. mopping. ladies. Miserable TEENS scrub. It reads: GHOST.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Scott gulps . PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. INT. and walk out of sight.CONTINUOUS .. They see Shane find the CD. He lifts the sofa. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane goes over them. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. furiously clean. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. He holds it up to a KID... way -. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Clean. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. PLUMMER HOUSE .and starts DISSOLVE TO: highway option. Scott and Zoe. labeled with a Sharpie. residue.. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. in Playtex gloves. straightening -. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. In a bathroom. PLOP. CUT EXT. Oh my god. through binoculars. trying to maintain his dignity. as kids clean. he takes it off. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.. Shane's eyes narrow. He hands Scott the mop.

VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. (Announces:) Company. where she throws up.. PLUMMER HOUSE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. ueasy. INT.. she pukes again.. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Shane hands her a handkerchief. you hate us. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. My friends will never come here again. outside the bathroom door. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Rambo. Shane stands.. Because you have no respect for yourself.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. He heads upstairs. CUT TO: EXT. helpless.into the bathroom. Shane . ZOE . Zpounding on doors. You're like a robot. Thanks a lot. and screams in Shane's face. ZOE I do too respect myself. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Scott's the last one to leave. Lulu's crying. Zoe gets up. shaky and furious. sits down. Todd picks her up. After a beat. Zoe blows past him -. PLUMMER HOUSE . furniture polished. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. They show no respect for you or your house. downstairs! He walks down the hall.

Don't worry. He goes down. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Red 1.55.they're good. I'm not the man for this job. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Not even from the enemy. TWO NINJAS. pounding him with their . They leap down after him. SHANE Puberty. Suddenly -. I'm gone. The Ninjas attack. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. NINJA GHOST -.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. talking doesn't do any good.the three fight. fiercely -. as soon as your mom comes back. Go to your rooms.. Suddenly. Wielding with great skill. tired) It's Scott. close-quarters and fast.hand it over! staffs. SHANE You're right. Shane spins in fight-stance..the power goes out. all in black BURST in through the window... Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -.

like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. it makes a silly thunk.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. Shane fends the Ninjas off. avoiding Legos. . He pulls the string. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. They step back. facing them. he hits a Ninja in the head.knocking him into. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. SHANE Okay -. Shane crashes down.. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. several FURBIES hit the floor. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. blinding him.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. a squeezes . The Ninjas move towards him -. toys fly. and flings them all over the floor. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. WHACK.. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. fiercely. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. 56 INT. With his foot. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. Shane runs to the changing table. and grabs it. and uses them both to fend off blows. PLAYROOM ... FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME..who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.then the Ninjas charge.

blinded. SHANE Shhh.. He A long pause -. that your father invented. He hugs them. ANGLE . bawling. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.then the door creaks open. He squints. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. fearful. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. Todd and Zoe enter... He really hugs them. You can open up.. He sprays it in Shane's face. HALLWAY . The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. . terrified. It's okay. Then. The cloud dissipates. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. quietly knocks. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.? SHANE They're looking for a program. TODD Who were they? What did they want.SHANE 57. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. INT.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.. he hugs Peter and Lulu... Shane isn't sure what to do.. SHANE It's safe. Shane bangs the window sill. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. Kids. and Shane sees he's now alone. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.. He runs to the broken window. disappointed to have lost them. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.

Deal? Truce -. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. The kids shudder. "Unchained Melody. absolutely nothing pottery .ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. Shane offers his hand to shake. They want this. They hug him tighter. Zoe answers it. eye to eye.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. Then. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. 58. And I'm not going anywhere.. He looks Zoe. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. INT. From now on. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. too. you listen to me. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. But nothing's gonna happen to you.then they hug him. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. and do what I say. startled. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. Soon.. as long as I'm here.. LIVING ROOM . the other kids join in.. it's been a long night. SHANE They're not after you.." And then. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.they all jump..a long pause. all smiles.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. relieved. CLOSE-UP . Shane is furious -. They shake -. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. Then. I'll listen to you too.

I'm gonna be sticking even closer.we'll be just fine. It looks like some kind of "key". But we're not sure what it is.happened you should worry about. HOTEL ROOM . The minivan pulls up. We just don't know what its for. INTERCUT: INT. EXT. SCHOOL . We found something in the box. They were looking for GHOST.. SHANE's okay. They're gone. and Shane emerges with the five kids. metal two pronged KEY. but they didn't find it. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. She holds up the strange. Nope.. SHANE No . Shane takes the phone. students run in to school. You have any luck? JULIE Well. SHANE (very genuine) . as soon as the customs paperwork clears..CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.MORNING Early morning. Don't worry -.. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. .. two men tried to get into the house tonight. yes and no. Plummer. everyone's fine.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.

DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. sunglasses on.DAY Driver's Ed. He is gesticulating. squashed at a little desk. "yeah. car -. Shane nods. He dips an INT. then BRAKES. Lulu's classmates all chant. So. a crazed TEACHER next to her. SCHOOL PARKING LOT .. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. who sits in the back.she'll pay for the damage. LULU'S CLASSROOM . she wrecked a driver's Ed. HITS the gas. making a mess of an egg. SHANE Don't worry. MURNEY . LULU'S CLASSROOM . then BRAKES. reacting each time she HITS the gas.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Murney stands. THE GYM . egg in some purple dye. I know it's good.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). They look concerned. Zoe sits in a folding chair. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym.. shaking his head. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. Principal Claire next to him.. Peter 60 She smiles. mortified. and smiles at Shane.INT." Then. Shane stands off to the side. EXT. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. . An obstacle course with cones. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. SCREAMING. ANGLE on Lulu.. ANGLE on Shane. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles.

MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. it's not that -. giving him a "skinhead" look. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.'s the boy. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. Murney calls into the hallway. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. And that's not all. Shane stops. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal..I'm a bit concerned.. (pulls Shane aside. and I'm not sure what to do. 61. . and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.. and Shane walks them out. He does always miss sixth period. Todd enters...) See if you can talk to the boy. SHANE He's not a NAZI. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.. Todd and Zoe stand to go. But this. what's going on.. I was doing a little recon in his locker. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. Zoe shrugs.That? Lady drivers. but -. what do you expect..but this is just sick.. Shane scowls. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.. Shane gives Zoe a look. boys will be boys -.

huh? (Shane ignores him. Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . MURNEY It's a date then. Without warning. I'll show you a couple moves. and keeps walking.that whole family's no good. and leaves. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. and Murney chases after him. Murney laughs.. I promise I won't hurt you. maybe. if you ask me. as he passes. we'll give these boys a treat. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. kicking him in the BACK. Shane trips forwards to his knees.. 62. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Kung team: Shane walks away. stretching. MURNEY You're a good man.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. SHANE Another time. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. SHANE I'll talk to him.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Shane. and leaps at Shane.

TODD'S ROOM . but the Duck leaps up on the sill. preheat the oven. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter.far down the block. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. do your homework. PLUMMER HOUSE . and snickers to his Team. but instead he takes a deep breath.shakes Shane turns back. so the alarm didn't go off. It's pink. Shane looks out the window -. he can see Todd. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. INT. peering out her window. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. SHANE Smart kid. running around the corner. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.. but he . Nothing. you're in charge. EXT. signal me. keeping the contact. He enters. and leaves. Todd runs towards the house. The window is wide open. Shane screws the window shut. Shane parks. He sees Zoe. It looks like Shane might fight. It's small for him. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. with a flowered basket. Shane hops out the window. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. On the corner. Keep all doors sealed..A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Murney his head. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. I want to talk to you. He starts to shut the window. SHANE Wait Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

Shane looks at the Cast.. it's over.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know..What if. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Todd looks up at Shane.. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. or not? Everyone nods. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Shane shakes his head. show's off.... grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. Shane's glare.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. TODD . girls'll think I'm. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. weird or something? 66 . Shane straightens up. they quickly assemble on stage. Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE COMPANY -. they're not sure what to do. Liesl chimes in... BEAT.. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. He smiles. LIESL We don't have a director. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that....CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Todd looks devastated -.

furious. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing...just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. INT. I know it's no big deal.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.. Scott. PLUMMER HOUSE .. I called him in his room. No wait! . another girl picked up the phone..LATER . you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. I won't touch him.Yes. He peeks in -. He hears Zoe in her room. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. SHANE . INT. angrily... ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you.. ZOE . SHANE Okay. LULU'S ROOM . It's stupid. BREAKING something. Shane exits. He turns out the light. I promise. I don't know why I let it get to me.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. YES WHAT? SHANE .UPSTAIRS HALLWAY ..

... Then he starts: SHANE Okay. on Lulu's floor. The elves had to go in and take it out.Shane tucks Lulu into bed... To find a secret gnome. ULU Tell me a story. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. Stumped. He sits on the bed. Shane looks at her surprised. I 6 .so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.Uh.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. the little Elf family -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. As Shane finishes the story.. and they came in from the north. Once there was a family of Elves... setting up the scene with DOLLS. So -they waited for cloud cover. Let's see. Uranium. (MORE) T S L 8.. he illustrates. facility. Went into the magic forest.

. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. He made it up for him.. lower than the floor. Shane doesn't know what's wrong...Rodriquez. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Lulu's fallen asleep. Like dad used to do.... S 69. from across the hall. TODD You have to do the dance. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Todd calls from the doorway.. Peter starts bawling. We got `em all.mean standing. INT. TODD I'll write it down for you. c'mon. I can't remember that thing. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Peter WAILS. head in the door.. or he won't stop. NURSERY ... And you ain't got a chance. Shane sighs. the teeniest little elf of all -. and whispers to Peter. Even. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . The wails get louder and LOUDER. Then. and do the Panda Dance.. SHANE Oh. .....CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.

. He does the dance as he sings. terrified. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane hops forward three times. She gets out in shock.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.MORNING . S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Humiliated. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Chun. SHANE Today you drive. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. through the mirror. with her Gameboy. (Tyler in the snuggle).. Peter applauds. staring. just like the crabs do. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Lulu is next to him. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. T the A 70. They turn to Zoe. . Shane. mortified.) EXT. (He does..Shane sighs. Shane turns and catches Mr. and gets in the driver's seat. GARAGE . hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. Shane crab-walks sideways. Chun gets his paper. He sings again.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. The Kids sit bolt upright.. SHANE What are you looking at? INT.

... ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Keep going. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Zoe is surprised.. Zoe backs jerkily out. The Kids share a dubious look. but trying not to show it. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. jerkily. not the road. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. MINIVAN .. Exactly. Touched. She pulls out. no. Lulu and Todd are terrified. INT. I trust you. Shane is nervous. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.I can't even pass driver's Ed.ZOE But -. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is shaky. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No.. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. S P .

Before Scott knows what's happened. hey head into the school. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. KIDS boisterously run past. and a little make-up.71. SHANE Good. Chastened.. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane unclenches his teeth.Claire BARKS out. trembling. EXT. 1500 hours.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Do we understand each other? Scott nods.. INT. Broken promises lead to broken legs.. Shane's . Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Shane spots something.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Scott's terrified. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Next lesson. with a few FRIENDS. Zoe smiles. terrified. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Suddenly -.. Very funny. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane jumps out of the car. Claire strides into view. Shane lets him down and heads into school. laughing. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. severe stare) Now. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. ZOE Ha ha ha. CAFETERIA . being obnoxious. She's wearing a cute dress.

impressed.. SHANE hey eat in silence. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. sailor? Thanks. S he sits beside him. Wow. It's a miracle. She's waiting for him to say. Shane`s not so good at small talk. too. He smiles back.. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Suddenly. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. S T P .eyes alight. you never know who you're going to run into. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Love it when he does that.. him by the ear.. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. She smiles. Shane leaps over the table. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. something.." In one move. and offers him a milk. dragging .

. Murney turns around. TODD Hey. Freak? The Students snicker. I. now it all makes sense.. Murney. I quit. Yeah I do. No one's sure they heard him right. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to... I'm right here. Todd looks. I want to sing.Murney shoves Todd forward. MURNEY Winners never quit. M 73. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Murney gets up in Shane's face. boy.. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. intimidated. Silence. Talk. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Then: TODD I am not scared.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. MURNEY I've had it.. It opens Friday. What're you so scared of. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs.

MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. it's scary S 74. You win. swarm Todd. His voice cracks -. There is a stunned moment -. Let's do it. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. and a lot of CUTE to face. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. They look to the ground sheepishly. Todd's telling the truth. furious -URNEY So -. The whole team wants to reads: . M urney looks over at the Team. Murney looks around. Your ass is mine. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Murney did not expect to be called out. The Gym. TODD There is a man in my house -. humiliated. Everyone is watching. taking flyers. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.and then a mob of Students. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. protecting him.Shane steps them. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. So calm. He storms out.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. You suck.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.

Murney lands on his back. M URNEY on.BAM. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . hard." INT. quietly twitching on the ground. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Shane side-steps. Murney. The bleachers are PACKED. and they head out. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Todd cheers Shane on. rushes Shane. S 75. 3:00. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Todd flops to the mat. and sweeps Murney -. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Murney bounds to his feet.3:00 mat. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. GYM . climbs to feet and CHARGES again. grabs onto Murney's waist. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. mumbling something. WHAM."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. shocked.sending him right into the wall.

TO: EXT. She gives him a thumbs up. . If you're not sure. FOREST . They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. LULU We're Brownies. 76 SHANE either. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. Claire. too.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . Shane S smiles at her as he passes. TODD That was awesome. that's all. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. BUGS. I got my troops waiting. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat.Dislocated nerve. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. No brownies edible. They walk out. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. When I Rwanda. fascinated. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. The crowd cheers. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. Todd. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months.

where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. EXT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. and. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. In unison. PLUMMER HOUSE . in perfect tempo. He illustrates the stage directions. PUNCH. NURSERY . BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. this way -and the Von Trapp is set." INT. PUNCH. Zoe .. He laughs at his own joke. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. MALL PARKING LOT .fascinated. Shane holds a stopwatch. The Duck watches all this -.. EXT. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. here.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. MALL PARKING LOT . the Girls PUNCH. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.FRONT LAWN . She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. KICK.we'll put Von Trapps here.she hits EVERY ONE -. here at the top of the stairs.. OLD FACTORY . Now the Nazis are gonna come in. he reaches out and rocks it.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. He signals her.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. she burns rubber.. in between punches. INT.. The Kids don't get it. KICK.

...DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard..2. MALL PARKING LOT . They watch closely. but doesn't fall. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. NURSERY . INT. OLD FACTORY . He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. EXT. mercilessly.FRONT LAWN ..3. The Brownies attack. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. she only clips one. T I E 77.." Lulu. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.. in we WIDEN back. He counts begins wriggling free. blur.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.BACK YARD . Shane gives her a signal.out and weaves the cones. your life little girl. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.. ODD . Hands a T .DAY -"1. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. EXT. it teeters.

From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Shane is so touched. Graceful. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night.he's got it down. THUD! Gazelle. Peter. Peter Panda. But sweet dreams.EVENING . Graceful. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Again. INT. he almost bursts into tears.hard.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. daddy. He kisses Peter on the forehead. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. 8. Peter. Then he tucks Peter in. adding a James Brown flourish. SHANE I'm not your daddy. Todd tries the kick." Singing and doing all the moves -. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. He does a spin kick. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. now and then.huh? Now. odd tries the spinning kick. NURSERY . Shane performs the "Panda Dance. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. but blows it.

As he's comparing prices -. he lands on the ground hard. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. You're gonna have to pay for that. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. wearing the double snuggle. S SHANE That's my troop. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the a FLIP. The Scouts share a look -. He smiles. INT. proud. but like lightning.MOMMY! She lets him go -. The . Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. FORMATION. see them.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. the Chubby Cub Scouts. at their own table. tying him. 9. she wraps it around his arm. The Scout struggles. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.. the Other Scouts are scared.he sees.they LAUGH. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. scary. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. Across the lot.. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. striking a cool pose. In one move. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

HOTEL . happy.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . INT. talking excitedly. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. Shane answers it. BACK YARD . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.SHANE He's left alone. J 82.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. we're on the first plane in the morning. WITH: J INT. EXT. the kids are all abuzz. ANGLE . OE I never even got to say good bye. She throws her arms around Shane.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. The phone rings.soldier. HALLWAY . A tear runs down Zoe's face. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.

. unblinking. Shane sighs morosely. SHANE Just another assignment.. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. No reason for personal attachments. INT. Shane turns. Gary sits in the next chair. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. he Duck stares. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. with. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Three squares a day. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Suddenly.The house is dark. He pets the Duck. hane rises. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. the Duck starts quacking. GARAGE .NIGHT hane turns the light on. your wings aren't clipped. Kids to play S .

he floor opens. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Lulu hands him a tool. He's been trying. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. crack the lock all night. INT. DISSOLVE INT.. shines it down the grate. The wheel spins. He tries muscles rippling.. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. and then it gives. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.. GARAGE ..CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. The break in its surface is a strange. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. INTERC UT: B harder. we see a CRANK WHEEL. TO: to S 84.SHANE What happened. No hinges or cracks. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane looks on stunned. Shane dials a phone. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. only It's solid and inscrutable.. . Nothing. unsuccessfully. leading below the garage. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.. Shane steps down it. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it..

revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Away from Shane.Lulu. Okay.. An ominous pause. Bill reacts.. Except for -.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. She looks stricken. GARAGE . Julie sits beside him.EXT. relieved. excited. We'll be there shortly -.. BILL . whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. GHOST. sir. Silently spying on Shane. Bill's cell phone rings.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. can't crack it. CHUN CUT BACK . After we turn this in to my CO. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. and hangs up.. towards the neighbor's house. TO: INT. It's in a steel vault.. Everyone reacts happily. pleased. TO: INT.don't do anything `til I get there.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. I've been trying all night. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. GARAGE . he answers it.. W e PUSH INTO the house. Through a window. don't do anything further. I think I found GHOST. MRS. Do you have it? SHANE No. Then we slowly MOVE UP. SEDAN .

in shock. comes into the dark hall. Lulu? You should be happy. The rug is vacuumed. he has no answer. Julie and Bill hop out. She trails off.. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). HOUSE . Shane -.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Bill is carrying her suitcases. JULIE'S HOUSE .MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.: The house is spotless. I 85.V. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. J JULIE'S P.. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. KIDS VOICES . should be home soon.O.they hear.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. so they probably trashed the place.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. SHANE You guys better get ready. in the next room. Tongue-tied. LULU But.. Kids singing a beautiful. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. The fish tank is clear.SHANE He goes silent. INT.

smiling. mom. picture- . ( B 6. She staggers to.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Lulu has bows in her hair. The Kids rush forward and hug her. for a thousand years. INT. Across the room. She sees. KITCHEN .. Peter is fresh faced. S SHANE Captain. 8 JULIE almost faints. a capella) ... Lieutenant. featuring Todd. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Julie goes to the.(singing. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. BILL (he smiles wryly. Dumb-struck. Shane sees Bill enter. Julie starts bawling. Bill steadies her. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. no dishes in the sink... with songs they have sung.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. INT... Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. ZOE Welcome home. Zoe is in a conservative dress. DINING ROOM . then salutes back) Good job.

. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .. reluctant. anywhere you want. You just name it. ILL I'm really proud of you. Sir.. Don't get me wrong. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. Bill stops.INT. S S 87. Shane. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Bill holds the pronged key. surprised. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. BILL I should hope not..DAY Shane leads Bill inside. SHANE That's kind of you. Suddenly. an ANGRY VOICE. all I've never known is the military. And I think I want to explore that some more. GARAGE . Shane continues.

hane takes control! He smiles. Things are spinning. and starts to fall.. There were delays. reaching for Bill's key.. Disoriented. startled. He is losing consciousness. CLOSE-UP . GUNS DRAWN. SHANE'S POV woozy. Shane puts his hands behind his head.when suddenly. relishing a second of glory -. MRS.. he looks up as he drops.. confused.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. then passes out.. Mrs. Shane peers in confusion. Chun. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Shane shoots Bill a glance. Chun comes closer. Mr.SHANE Lights out.. B 88. while SLAMMING their heads together.Shane and Bill spin. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled. .. He takes a submissive position.... KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. and Mrs. He turns. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.

The floor is covered with square tiles... Bill checks the knots binding the children. Charles trusted you. with two . tied up. So did the Department of Defense.BLACK.. 9. and it CLICKS. Chun approach the steel door. The door HUMS. Chun) Keep an eye on them.DAY Shane lies unconscious. ILL North Korea pays better. exit. then slides OPEN! enter. Beside the safe is a red switch. They anxiously tiptoe. GARAGE . 8 Bill grins. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. You -. FADE IN: INT. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. INT. (to Mr. reaching.. Inside is a dark corridor. They whimper. NURSERY .MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. scared. The Kids are furious. JULIE I trusted you. Chun) secures the room. Julie glares... closing the window shades. INT. Bill and Mrs.with me. He GAGS the kids. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. livid. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Peter has a JUICE BOX. Bill and Mrs. bright and white. They THE VAULT! Spare. The Korean Man (Mr.

as if she hadn't moved.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. like a monstrous computer. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me.. Tyler GASPS. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. then Mr. but the of her jacket is on fire. MR.. horrified -. Mr.. Bill eyes the safe.SAME TIME Mr. The air is filled with an ominous. CHUN But I've got some C4. She confidently strides toward the safe -. completely SINGED OFF. Lulu frowns. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. He sneers. she hits her panic button! O. It's set on ARMED.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. INT. she unties Zoe! Then -. Chun guards the kids. CHUN Just. MRS. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. had eyebrows.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun is Bokay. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.needing a distraction. Mr. Lulu "looks" scared.. Chun whirls -. Mrs. quickly assuming a fake bound position. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. then leans back against Zoe. low-pitched HUM.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.the Kids look innocent. Chun's eyebrows are neatly.S. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . MRS. off shoulder eyebrows. done. With a rapid blur of finger-work. eyeballing them icily. BEEPING. HOUSE . startled -.. But behind her back.. the Chun spins. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time..

BEHIND TODD . slamming the door behind her. Mr. CHUN That's cute. she KICKS him right in the nuts. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. then. Mr. They untie Julie. he drops to his knees in pain.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. snake-like move. Chun laughs: MR.. when he's at her level. Chun's leg. It HURTS. Lulu runs. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun gets up and turns the Mr.W Z 90.. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. . he steps closer. HAM without warning. Chun's head. Chun scowls. Mr. Skeptical. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Chun's face.. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Mr..

but the door won't budge. Chun falls back from the door. INT.. NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.doorknob. Chun punches the door.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. FRONT DOOR ... He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr.. his face COATED in white. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. He sticks his face out the hole. they're trapped inside.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. M E M 91. making a small hole. He yells out furious! MR. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. I INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT. INT. Chun's face.but as Julie exits. DONNGGG -.CONTINUOUS Mr. clutching her! The . She SCREAMS.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. Bill lurches into view. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.

. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. then nod and run to the side garage.. CHUN Chun falls.I've got the keys. unsure.. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. EXT. ARGHH! are horrified. Chun THE RADIO. HOUSE . but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. Chun comes racing around the house -. They start to run back.. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.. Mrs.CONTINUOUS r. She floors it. Chun listens to Mr.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. HOUSE . speaking in Korean: RS. they're not going anywhere. MR. MINIVAN . SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.

I wouldn't have killed him so soon. They step past Shane's body.. holding a military RADIO. leading her to the secret door. lying on the concrete. INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM..Charles didn't tell me about the room. Chun exits the vault. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. B . chilled.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. Then. Julie GASPS. gaining on them. Mrs. GARAGE . I want to know how to get through the booby traps. a CRACKLING of static. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. INT. Don't make me kill you too. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. It's getting old.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. oe runs a yellow. VAN . as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.

93. He does something we can't see.. to cut them off! INT. MRS. Bill deciding if he can trust him. Bill uncuffs Shane. It's B risky. they might wreck. ILL . everyone looks down. The men stare down. ill eyes him. ANGLE . BILL Change of plan. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. as Zoe drives. emotional. Do it. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's like a chariot race..) Bill.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.. Bring them back unharmed. Then -.. He tries to pass them on the right. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.Shane is standing in the doorway.he clicks "talk" on the radio.. SHANE (O.SHANE They look over -.S. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. MINIVAN . CHUN Mr.DAY The vehicles race. BUSY STREET . ZOE . my husband has question: MR. don't hurt the kids. just please don't hurt anyone. EXT. Surprised. half on the sidewalk.. Bill. Chun zooming by. I'll get you in.

TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them.What's taking you? 94.. Chun holds Julie. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it.. Exasperated.. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. INT. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. triumphant. Chun off for a beat. M R. It throws Mr. disoriented.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Peter laughs. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Mrs. orange peels. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mr. Mr. Bill waits impatiently. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Chun SCREAMS. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Mr.. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. CRASH!! The kids cheer. . Zoe looks over. Hair spray.. crayons. In the van... and loses control. SECRET VAULT . The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Shane is figuring his options. She Mr.

Shane gets up. Shane leaps back. in pain. . Shane SQUIRTS it. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane steps forward .. Tyler! Bill reacts. confidently: J B B 95 . Sweat drips down Shane's face. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. puzzled.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. over one beam and ducking under another -. go get it -. Peter. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Bill laughs.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Watch. BILL Code or no code.A bewildered beat -. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Lulu. landing on his hands and knees. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane steps forward. ill cocks his gun.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. sending him flying backwards. He speaks aloud..

fearlessly. not quite centered to the room. He feels the Groove.. . SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. He takes a deep breath. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).NOTHING HAPPENS. and do the Peter Panda Dance. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. He steps sideway. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. E 96 . Again -. just like the crabs do.. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. then back: smiles. It dawns on Julie what he's doing.they have no idea what he's laughing about. across two tiles. He thinks. Julie relieved..SHANE Shane's thinks. NOTHING HAPPENS. Calmness comes to Shane's face. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. And you haven't got a chance. Shane he steps forwards. CLOSE-UP .. When you're down and low. lower than the floor. Shane LAUGHS sharply. Bill and Julie share a look -.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.

ZOE Come on. When he steps back -. from the ceiling. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. Zoe blows past it. and our bodyguard -. If he'd been standing. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. 9 have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. and he catches up with the minivan -. 5-0.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. They have my mom. takes a while. Use the gas.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Don't follow me! . they're FLYING. The Squad Car's lights flash on. he'd be toast.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. his focus gone. not the brake. BUSY INTERSECTION . Inside is the Cute Cop.

CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. SCHOOL . I accept full responsibility.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. NECK-BRACE.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. 98. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. like there ain't no floor.. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Squad Car turns around and chases her. almost running it off road. sliding forward. but if I had more resources. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY.. . It's acid. EXT. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Shane jumps revealing a the corner. INT. the Minivan SPEEDS by. nervously. Zoe U-turns. Claire frowns. Following the chase.. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. pool of liquid. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. concerned. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. at a safe distance. Then better jump quick. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. The Squad Car is on its tail. EXT. is Mr. My intelligence proved to be faulty. and speeds back towards her house. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more.. SUBURBAN STREET . Suddenly.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. She shakes her head. in a cloud of smoke.

SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. to the left of the HOLE. and jumps back. Shane. almost done. Immediately. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. He holds his breath just in time.he waves his hand over the floor. You were always my best man. and jump to the left. BILL Thank you. What do you say -. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. to calm down) Almost done. Chun follows. He nervously steps forward ." He jumps.. Shane scowls. BILL I'll take that as a "no. He lands in front of THE SAFE. The safe's red light turns green. disgusted. He flips the switch to DISARMED. pulling Julie along. She gestures back: you go. It's a stand-off.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. 99. Beat. He's relieved -. Mrs. Nothing happens. Bill takes a breath -. And you betrayed all of that. "Just hold your breath. The whole room goes SILENT. I knew you'd figure it out. Chun to go first." . Whew. Bill signals for Mrs. sir.and walks across the room. BILL (CONT'D) You know. if you're willing to join up. Bill looks around. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates.. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Bill shrugs. All that we stand for. Finally.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.

Bill is incensed.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Chun reaches out. unrelenting. SIZZLING. . and touches the dial.. BILL None requested. BILL (CONT'D) . Bill LUNGES. Nothing happens. Chun LEAPS onto his back. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Chun doesn't budge. trying to read Shane's poker face.. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. MRS. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Bill gestures to Mrs.. Chun. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. He starts to reach for the dial. legs! He's crazed. She turns it.Mrs. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. SHANE There will be no mercy. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. head. Full of himself. Shane shrugs. I walked the floor first. Relief. shaking from the voltage. But suddenly Mrs. Mrs. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Reluctantly . but Shane gazes coldly. hitting Bill's arms. her hair on end.. You open it.. Shane reaches for the safe. Bill is off guard. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks.Bill turns to the safe. then catches himself. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. I think you better open it. Something's not right.

he drops and FLIPS her. IN THE VAN. He jumps to his feet. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. K.. PLUMMER'S STREET . the wind knocked out of him.! EXT. which Shane deflects -. delivering a series of hard punches. then whispers/sings. She catapults. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. The Police Cars . and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. terrible neighbor. It's clear the both have the same training.they tangle like pro's. knocking her out. landing on his back in front of the safe. unable to gain her balance.BILL He steps over Shane. But he's unforgiving. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. SHANE . ANGLE . OOF! Bill tumbles.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. SIRENS wailing. good night. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. spin. They punch. chase after. Leering mercilessly. kick. Shane tumbles.. SHANE You're a.O. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Shane struggles to lose her. Say. Shane narrows his eyes. Suddenly.. tottering. everyone is SCREAMING. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. stumbles backwards across the room. Bill is charging him. connecting only occasionally. Shane shakes his head. She smiles. saved.

They look in silence. SECRET VAULT . The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. She smiles at Shane.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. HOUSE . SHANE .and hits a tree. then BRAKES. Shane gently removes it. The kids clamber from the van.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. Then -. JULIE Thank you Shane. The van SKIDS. GHOST.. Whoa. The Kid spill out and run. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. But it's too late.. The garage door raises. smoke BURNING from the tires -.SAME TIME Total commotion. Cops surround them. with their hands raised. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . INT. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.O. from the car. It's finally over. Now we can go back to our peaceful. then look in the safe: Inside.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.. grateful.. Shane steps out. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.101.

officer. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Julie and Shane Freeze. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. Shane spins. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. you're in a lot of trouble. Mr.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. Even Chun is amazed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. He's disheveled and manic. But then -. Now.S. uh. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.. Shane weighs his not so many options. Zoe. The Cops are unsure what to do.. Silence. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. as he turns his head. triumphant. ZOE But. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. MR. I suggest you call the FBI.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. He scoffs.a CRAZED SCREAM.CUTE COP FREEZE. and grabs the MR. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. helpless. Nobody is sure what to do. Chun stands inside the gate. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. vaults onto Chun.. CHUN (O.. Numerous. 10 2.) HIT THE GROUND!!! ..

AGENT Mr. COP I think I'll call the FBI. watching the FBI Agents work. Agent. 103.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. You're a one-man battalion.B. SHANE Just doing my job. that was nice work.I..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. Shane examines it.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. Julie huddles with the kids. Wolfe. Shane talks with an F. GARAGE . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.I. F . This chaos is unsolvable. reaches for his radio. AGENTS swarm the area.I. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.B. CLOSE-UP .CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. CLOSE-UP . AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.LATER F.B. ANGLE . Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. F.rocket launcher. he . swelling with pride.B.. then walks off. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .I.

A tear comes to her eye.. I always have.. I'm on dry land. He looks at Claire. say -.. She sees. and gather around.I want to say: I love you more than anything.Maui? . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. You tell me..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. here. Shane looks at her. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this.. Todd. then Julie found the key. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. Zoe. EXT. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else.. You're the superior office. On. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. I'm kinda. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Julie. He looks around: at the family. Does it itch? Yes. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . re-conning the situation. And to tell the truth. Summer's almost here. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. I don't know. SHANE ... Mock-angry. Lulu -. The Plummers hug each other. from the safe..Yes. SHANE Well.. Her siblings. Tyler. fallen onto the floor. a letter. 104.. and Julie notice. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Peter.

The Plummers all approach. squeezing them off the ground. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. 105. SHANE Claire beams. He starts to head off. He squeezes her hand around it. come here you. Thank you. sad. I'm gonna . SHANE Your dad would be so proud. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Lulu turns to Shane. interrupting. He wipes his face. baffled. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. For everything. He puts them down. Like he did. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Shane.he can't keep it in.his medal. Guess you have to go now.Sir yes sir. Shane bawls -. Your work here is through. to shake his. A long beat.SHANE This is too much.. SHANE Ah. TIGHT . Zoe gives them a look -. ZOE But. She puts out her hand.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Julie looks up. P ETER Love you. LULU This is it...he hugs the whole family at once..

the little Brownie Troop." Hearts swell. Shane stands. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. hit your marks. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. VICTORIA THEATRE. The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. A STANDING OVATION. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Todd spins. rapt. beaming with pride. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Julie watches in astonishment. Claire: dressed to the nines. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. even Murney. She is surrounded by her children. Shane watches with bated breath. You Are Sixteen begins. Scott: in a suit. BACKSTAGE ." In the audience. It's fantastic -. his hair combed. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Farewell. They all watch. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. until he sits back down. he leaps into the SPIN KICK.a Michael Jordan dunk.

FADE OUT. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Thundering applause. touched. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.and the house goes crazy.html on December 9 2010 . He humbly steps into view -. THE END Shane smiles.-The. Mission accomplished.

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