THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

him his oxygen.. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. As the water rises. terrified. when I say it. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. My way -. Up to his nose. SHIP'S HOLD . Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. I'm gonna get you outta here. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.. He cuts the Professor's highway option. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. . Do you copy? (Plummer nods. INT. they're almost out of ammo. hauling the Professor up. ON THE DECK . Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. EXT. He's gone.. United States Navy.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. He tries force the door open.. but can't get free. over his head. Plummer screams. Shane removes his mouth piece. When it finally opens. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. PLUMMER How did you know where I.SIMULTANEOUS 4. to the Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. But you have to do exactly what I say. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. One of our SEALS calls out to them. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.

SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. INT. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. holding the Professor. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. and pulls himself.. SHANE INT. terrified. pulling the Professor in behind him. 5. Shane takes a deep breath. more!" They do. clearly he loves this kind of day. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. OCEAN'S SURFACE . then disappear gracefully back into the water. HELICOPTER .. He .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. EXT. SHIP'S HOLD . until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. INT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. HELICOPTER . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Hold on.

PLUMMER Oh my God. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today.. Please. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. . Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. Lieutenant. rotors whirling slowly. shutting him up. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.. thank you. how'd we. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. The Professor takes out his mouth piece... I'm just not big on chit chat. I can't believe you.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.beside him. That was the most incredible. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. Not imperative to the mission.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. She thinks I'm dead. waits.. EXT. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. CHARLES I'm safe. the Professor looks terrified. CHARLES Lieutenant. We have to keep moving. Charles stops Shane.

Lulu.. It's voice activated. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. WHAM.Charles picks up his briefcase.couldn't crack it. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Charles dials his cell phone.. Shane looks at him. Shane considers. The briefcase pops open. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. I'm alive. PAVE HAWK . (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. All goes . I do security. RUN!!! black.. back to him. Shane drops. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. SHANE We're almost ready.... Todd.. Tyler. puzzled. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.. Peter. that's my specialty. then hands him his satellite phone.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. you want to see it? Negative.. and talks.. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. INT. DEAD. Charles dials. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. PILOT sits. I have a picture of my kids in here. knocked unconscious. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Designed it myself.

unconscious. but he does it anyway.. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. HOSPITAL . BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .it hurts to salute.: Everything is a blur. Everything is ablaze. sir. SHANE . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. as the chopper ignites. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. Bill sits down beside the bed. He holds a REPORT in his hand. There is huge explosion. in slow-motion. Shane reaches out. EXT. A VERY TALL MAN steps out.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. He sees Charles. Captain.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. His arm and face bandaged.7. I know sir. HOSPITAL . And a good friend. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.O. PAVE HAWK . Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. You're the best man I ever trained.friendly. and takes Charles' Briefcase.. He takes a long look at Shane. despondent. A Huey Helicopter lands. unassuming. SHANE'S P. barely conscious.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. He looks around. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.V. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.

he pulls off bandages.a genius.H.H. He pulls up a chair. Bill shakes his head. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.SHANE He had to call his family. and starts to rise. BILL Not a surprise.O. 8. Invigorated. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. He can't believe his good fortune. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.. He called it G. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. Shane sits up.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. . but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.O. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.. Then.. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. disappointed. appreciate your confidence. really. Bill considers this...S. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. and sits opposite Shane. SHANE Sir..T. BILL . That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. SHANE The case was empty sir. It's not that kind of mission. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.S. disconnects an IV. as I stated in my report. is still out there.T. Thank you. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. G. I.

. intrigued. Widow.Shane listens. Maybe it is. Whoever killed the professor must think G.. I should go.. I'm alive.. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Shane is surprised. hearing the dead man's voice. Shane Wolfe. CHARLES (O. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Searched the place..H. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.T... anyway. I'll call you in an hour. call Lt.. BILL The professor's wife requested you.) Honey. maybe it isn't. I love you. He's a good man. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. CUT TO: INT. presses play. BILL . It's just that.NIGHT .S.. Either way. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. Shane is shocked.S..O. SHANE'S APARTMENT . You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. She told me someone had broken into her home. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. The family's scared.if anything happens to me. top to bottom. and protect them. I need someone to stay at that house. I've never been very good with kids. is in that house. sir. sir. I got a call from the professor's wife. Not even when I was a kid sir. (MORE) 9.

. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He looks at for a moment.. Lulu eyes Shane. ready for anything. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. . 8. EMALE VOICE (o. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. machete.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.V. Shane frowns. Shane looks like a bad ass. camouflage vest. Shane eyes Lulu. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.O.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. It SQUEAKS. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). He reaches in. they all go in.and sees LULU. Shane looks down -. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. He rejects it. EXT.. Shane double-checks the address. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. Hm.then the door swings open. night vision goggles. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. and pulls out a small. also identical to the one he wears. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. SUBURBAN STREET . The sprinklers go off. identical to the one he wears. with toys all over the lawn. we're not interested. 10. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.) (before she sees Shane:) Look.Shane packs his duffel bag.s. Shane heads to the door. peering up at him. Shane's P.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

I have some potentially good news.s. 14. Julie and Shane share a look.s.s. BILL (o. listening to the conversation. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. We slowly pull out. The phone RINGS inside. through the kitchen window. I think it could contain GHOST. INT. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. JULIE That's wonderful.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. with her suitcase.. entersJULIE I'll be there.. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. it's Bill Fawcett. Through the window. LIVING ROOM .) Julie.Nighttime -..the family eats dinner. Helga will . JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. INT. Julie casually answers it. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .NIGHT Shane. Shane.) There's a catch.MORNING stand hug Julie. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. This could all be over! BILL (o. Swiss law says only his family can access it.

.. Helga will take care of everything else. And guys. I'll be back in 48 hours. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. it's just. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. chill. H S . I'm gonna miss you. HELGA Everything will be fine.. it's my job to worry.handle everything. . ZOE Mom -.we'll be fine. I am a mom.. They'll be safe with me. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. SHANE Don't worry.. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. And on the phone. Mrs. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. do it. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. are you licensed to kill? . (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. I love you guys. And on the back door. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant... No. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Plummer.

pouring in Cheerios.. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.....NIGHT Shane. Gary suddenly FLIES by . The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. Shane heads down the hall.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. You do something.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Shane shakes his head. Shane turns off the light. I make bottle. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Immediately..5.NIGHT hane rushes in -. on a short ladder. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) . elga stomps out. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears..) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. looks around for the CRYING BABY. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. INT.s.WHRRP! Shane ducks. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. when in the corner of his eye -. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . He shuts off the - .. can't find him. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.

Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. SHANE Not with this kid. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. ZOE He's my boyfriend. jumps onto the trampoline. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He's dazed.go back inside.BACK YARD . calling out from across the street. but alright. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.. I'll call you. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Shane LIFTING him in the air... Shane runs. fine. Zoe! . Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. runs off. come on Scott. ZOE Okay. S COTT . (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. EXT. Zoe -.window alarm and sneaks out silently. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. PLUMMER HOUSE . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. They both tumble to the ground. .CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. tool.. house like a marionette. 16.

PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane stands there. no accent) We speak English. Shane addresses them. MR. and we found this in our pool filter. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. huh baby-sitter? Mr. Oh. I INT.. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. THE CHUNS. The Alarm's still blaring. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. SHANE My apologies. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff.. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. fuming. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. Sorry. Oh.. so we're up kind of early.NIGHT . MR. CHUN Thanks a bunch.Zoe storms inside. A simple misunderstanding. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. CHUN (perfect English.. SHANE MRS. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . We had an intruder. CHUN . Would you mind? SHANE Sorry.. The alarm stops. Shane's about to head inside. pop their heads out. Look. we own a bakery. Kojak. They're arguing with each other in Korean..

to not fall over. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. ZOE Who do you think you are -. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. You should have told her the truth. SHANE Not anymore.hane marches Zoe up the dad? Zoe starts to turn -. continues down the hall. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. lower than the floor. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. S W 1 8. Bite me! Shane frowns. Shane shuts her door.s. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. Shane flips her foot in the air. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Loud.) sing). She has to hop on one foot. Shane marches back down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). And you feel like you ain't got a chance. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. .then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.

warm orange light. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. HOUSE .groove. to their beds. he wriggles on the floor. then "crab-walks" sideways. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. Then jumps up. T Z Z T 19. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. and do the Peter Panda Dance. EXT. one step back. The Children. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. . a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. In the bedrooms. Three steps forward.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.laugh and laugh. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. in bed -. She does. Peter in his bed. Shane shakes his head. just like the crabs do. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more.

m. like she's been electrocuted. INT. 20 . Todd blinks groggily. Not in front of the kids. oe is wrapped in blankets. S . TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Covering their ears.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. motionless. You're insane.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Move. ODD It's Sunday. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. HALLWAY . half-asleep and angry. disoriented. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. L Move.MORNING Todd sits up. Suddenly his door flies open -.. carrying the crying baby. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. not understanding what's happening. TODD'S ROOM . OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Helga runs through in hair curlers. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.odd is out cold.

sucking on a bottle. Your behavior is unacceptable. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. . Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.LATER The children are assembled. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and you. KITCHEN . I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. HELGA (She curses Again. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. in you.he gives him a look of disbelief..) Shane's jaw drops. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. No highway option. ladies. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. L 21. INT. shocked. lined up tallest to shortest.

Shane bounds up the stairs. Shane bangs hard on it. Red baby. INT. wait.. SHANE Tracking devices. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. ZOE He's in his room. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.and you do it. Everyone cracks up. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. He yells at her. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. He tries the knob. Angry. Red 2. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . or you're dead. P eter farted. he's furious. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for better be dying. The panic button is only for emergencies.. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. S ULU (CONT'D) .a tense silence. where's the older male? There were five. Shane tries to maintain decorum..(pointing) Red 1.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Now that I know I can't trust you. but it's locked. Never take them off.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Everyone stares blankly -. Touch that -.. Red Leader. I tell you what to do -. End of chain. So you are -. ZOE I am not wearing that.

The entire frame collapses.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. HALLWAY . She stops at Todd's door -. Zoe comes up the stairs. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Todd nods in agreement. INT.MORNING . If you'd been wearing it. this wouldn't have happened. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. hits Shane on the head. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Down the hall -. Oops. PLUMMER HOUSE . Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. the destroyed door and wall. I can fix this.LATER ZOE . INT.. patrolling.SMASH! The wood CRACKS.. then CRASHES inward.22. and head down the hall. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. A piece of the ceiling falls. and Todd comes sauntering back. He has to go. Shane steps aside. INT. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.. He sees Shane.they glare at Shane.a FLUSH. to her room.. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.

S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Lulu hides behind Shane. LULU This house is haunted.the rumble of a car approaching. Peter! screams. PAPERBOY (O. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Shane turns.S. just as -. He pretends to be a ghost. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Lulu SHANE Hey. L S 23. Really? His eyes light up. hey. His head shifts.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. He rushes for the front door. I don't know. INT.WHACK -. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. wearing a towel as a sheet. Daddy even said so. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. And then it hits Shane. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. hard.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. he hears something suspicious -. Peter Booos again. HALLWAY . He said there's a ghost. to see that Peter is chasing her.LATER .

takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. F . listening for hollow spaces. inally. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. When he hears an alert from his laptop. appears.ZOE AND TODD . scanning the ceiling. Shane scans it. She screams. STAIRWAY . He goes back to the living room.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. Zoe whispers. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.. feeling.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs.. BANGING her head and ass on each step... The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Searching. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Nothing. then turns his attention to his laptop. as laundry flutters down from above. MR. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION..Shane walks slowly down the hall. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. He RAPS again. carrying a huge laundry basket. T IGHT . Then -. ZOE Here he comes. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. all the way down.a creak. pushing.. I INT.

He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. He licks his finger again. He seems to be about 100 years old. SWISS BANK .DAY Establishing. If we can't get some faster service. this is an urgent matter. looking jet-lagged. Not in Switzerland.DAY Bill and Julie. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. BANKER Marcel! out. terrified. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. They wait patiently -. then licks his finger to turn the page. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. It's taking him a LONG time. ZOE Uh-oh. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. we're going to have to file a complaint. mouthing along in FRENCH. He jumps to his feet. Then looks back to the paperwork. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed.They gulp. INT. I can't. He feebly gets up. The Banker looks at him blankly. EXT. SWISS BANK . 25. Bill can't stand it anymore. but can't get the page to turn. .

and Helga dashes for the door. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. He DRAGS her back. grabbing her foot. As soon as your background checks clear. Oui. Shane moves for the phone. As she tries to wrestle it away. QUACKING. the chief does not speak English. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. JULIE Thank you. I QUIT.Shane tries to block her path.Another Banker. But I can tell you -. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. MARCEL. RING! Amid the chaos. Shane dives. He grabs her suitcase. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. HELGA I am calm. Suddenly.SAME TIME Helga. enters. heads to the door -. The suitcase handle breaks off. remain calm -- 26. suitcases in hand. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. How long is that? INT. The duck flies around. SHANE (CONT'D) . Shane picks up the receiver. Peter's in the aquarium. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about will have access to the box tout-suite. PLUMMER HOUSE .

Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.Ah. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. HOUSE . as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Plummer. (covering the phone. Shane hangs up the phone. and Shane falls back.. Shane body-checks it closed.. Plummer. He picks up his hand. CRUNCH. Helga struggles to get him off.everything's fine. EXT. Just doing my. Helga scampers out the door.Helga falls forwards. Duty... You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Mrs.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. that landed on a diaper. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. against the counter. Shane lets go. 27.

. ANGLE . to find the kids are all gloomy. in the rear window.Helga jumps in the cab. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. There's been a change of plans. Then -.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. baby cries. she'll come back. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Helga glares back. listen up.SHANE Rises. dumbfounded. if she loves you. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. SHANE Okay. ANGLE . defeated. .he slowly glances up. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. we're just gonna have some more big fun.. INT. HOUSE . The 28. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. In the meantime. takes a deep breath and strides inside... ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. He drops his head.

Using the tools as chopsticks. HEY! Even Peter runs. I'm Navy. SShane GROANS. Until -. nice moment.MOMENTS LATER Shane flops open. 29. takes a deep breath. Nobody will help. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. BATHROOM .SHANE He gulps. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. your enthusiasm.. All for one. inundated. CLOSE-UP . repelled. SHANE Whoa. Only then can we rise to the challenge. everyone bolts from the room. And then -. INT.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Pure self-preservation. holding his nose..

over and over and over. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. SHANE (unsure how to respond.SHANE The things I do for my country. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. Shane tries approaching -. like a puppy.. Aghast.. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. she just stares at him. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. HALLWAY . Lulu follows at his heels.) Thank you. .he can't do it. 30. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. LULU Hi. he looks down to see Lulu. Lulu doesn't go away. Lulu is in her pj's. I think you're cute.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. then FLUSHES. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. he looks around for a solution. She follows. INT.

Lulu looks at him. Shane smiles. I can get lots more of those. in beddibye land. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. little girl. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. The Kids stare at "breakfast. all the kids asleep. The kids sit down at their designated spots. KITCHEN ." dubious. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. and shuts off her light. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. like he's an idiot. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. 31. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. And I've survived off this stuff for months. . Todd.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. and patrols.BREAKFAST . proud of his accomplishment. pulling down the shades on every window. INT.Shane walks room to's time for you take a nappypoo. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. All the lights are out.

PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. He runs away.. you go out... We're gonna pull together. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. So -. Shane turns to not here to take care of you now. Shane sighs. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. ZOE He's only two. (then:) Yes. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.. if I say out. Wanna see? Negative.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. . you stay in.'s how it's gonna be. Peter starts bawling. all for one.. I can cross my eyes.. ladies. Shane answers.. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. dancing. Peter stands in his chair. LULU . And the phone rings. Your mama -. trying to hear over the screaming. If I say in. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. too.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.. then at Tyler -. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. one for all. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

EXT. I know it's Monday. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.. sir.. INT. legal guardian. yes. Thank you. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. SHANE Not on my watch. INT. He hangs up.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. With your . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Shane fumbles with it for a while. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. GARAGE . perfect parallel park.h. It just doesn't add up. backwards at sixty m." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. It hits ZERO. dramatically unveiling Shane..p.. GARAGE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.a death defying.9:29 A. you and Todd are expelled. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE ... He said if you're late again. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. into a TINY parking spot -. Oh. EXT. A big suburban school. innocently. He wants to see you in his office. LULU We're gonna be late. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .M. Across his chest. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Zoe smiles at him. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. and at that .

as he plays on the floor. He withers. a few days. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Murney is furious. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Out of twenty-three. The Kids are seated around him. Shane.P in charge of discipline. I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. Duane. whatever work you can get. Looks like Mrs. K thru 12. mortified. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. I'm Murphy.. boy. He glares at Shane. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Well. assured. they needed a parole officer. . V. too. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. She's attractive. conduct and truancy.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . tough. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. holding Peter on a harness. You're in my house now. He's HUGE and mean. Lieutenant. The Kids crack up.moment. son? SHANE Wolfe. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. They're the worst students in my school. Murney is unimpressed. Top to bottom. Plummer finally listened.

Claire sees this -. The opens the door for Murney.Good morning kids. The teens hustle off to their classes. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. impressed.. Plummer called my captain. You see. 34. She told me all about you. Good.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. that as vice principal. I think I can handle this from here.. Lieutenant. fuming. I am in charge of. He exits. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. as he casually holds the three kids. Principal Claire eyeballs him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Plummer.two little red DOTS move away. Mrs. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Get moving. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. What are you doing in my office. (then. SHANE Red 1. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining.. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Red 2.. BELL rings.and suddenly reacts. staring him up and down.

. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. Courage. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.. SHANE Can't be too careful. On the spot. The 35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. Just try not to frighten the children. Welcome aboard. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. She lifts her pants leg. That's the way I live my life. Claire looks nervously around.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. SHANE "Honor.. and the way I run my school. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. SHANE . So. dead serious. to balance Shane.. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.MID-MORNING seeShane. Service paid for my college.(Shane nods.

. Official Business.last time: Open the hanger. turns her back to him embarrassed.O. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. BINOCULARS P. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. He checks his tracking device. Todd. Todd. CAFETERIA . with a group of HIP FRIENDS.Clean as a whistle. delighted. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Shane closes the computer. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. sitting in the back row of a class. in line to get lunch.. like a tether ball. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Now -. picks up a pair of binoculars.. with stern intensity. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.. Beside Shane.O. Save us both a world of pain. Black Hawk coming in. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.V. yanks his hood over his head. in Shane puts down his binoculars.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. 36 . . SHANE Give up now. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.V. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Zoe. He turns to the person front of him.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. two. does the same. one. INT.

Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.. You're on dry land.but you're pretty good at this. you know. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -.Tyler gurgles. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. He yanks Tyler away from him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. huh? Shane gives her a look. you don't. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. Shane sighs.. Mr.. A whole day. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. . Can I call you Shane? .. When you agreed to serve your country. I'm impressed.. Oh. Seriously. 37. ignoring him. Tyler laughs. I guess. SHANE Hey -. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Claire smiles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. not so dry where you're sitting. (she looks at his chair) Well. (she toasts.. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. man. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -.I out rank you. with milk. lieutenant.) Shane. Principal Claire smiles. Sure.

Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. in the crowd. VP Murney is watching. cheering. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. LUNCH-LINE . next week's tournament is off. and the sound of Students in an uproar. impressed. As soon as they see the Principal. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring.That's. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Personally . the crowd freezes. I don't care who starts it. and "punches fists" with him. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. INT. Look at him. but not stopping it. MURNEY You heard the lady. Murney smirks. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.. (Todd) 38.. unusual. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. MURNEY He did.. Zoe. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.

. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. yeah. I forgot you had to baby-sit. flinch. Maybe you could stop by practice. The Bell rings.. the crowd breaks up. Frogman -. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Boys'll be boys.I think that's a little harsh. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. I'm on duty.. 39 . Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.Todd lands on his feet. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Todd lunges at him.. Murney.. Murney approaches Shane. what do you say? Come on. MURNEY Pretty slick. (low. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. He'd kill you so fast. MURNEY Oh. That's right. . Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . sticking the control.. Nice moves. Sorry. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. man. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. promise I'll go easy on you. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. sir.I'm a black belt myself. Don't even think it. Maybe some other time then. SHANE . I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.

Then Shane smells what she means -.. Panicked. 40. following his tracking device.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Bathroom's down the hall.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall.Tyler's diaper is full. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. The Principal strolls up. doing a shoulder roll. Tyler is crying. Emergency! SHANE INT.change him. Just then. as he keeps watch... Have fun. He bursts though it. Uh. for one who'll eat. Not my job. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. and not cry. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. SHANE Oh -. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Lt.INT.. minus taxes. Shane recoils in disgust. holding Tyler out like a grenade. But. another dollar twenty..CONTINUOUS . It leads him to a door. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. SCHOOL HALLWAY .. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. INT. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Roger that.

EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . through the fence. Thanks. but the FINAL BELL rings. EXT. They make a sharp right. SHANE EXT. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He blasts through a red light. EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. racing down the road ahead of Shane. with the Panic Button in her hand. are heading away from the school fast. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. Lulu is in front of the class. He speeds away after them. Shane lands in fight stance -. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.the Class applauds. At that moment.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. EXT. 41.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . I INT.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. Shane is furious. He hands her to the Principal.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. CONSTRUCTION SITE . He leaps out of the minivan.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. almost tipping the minivan. Shane makes a right. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. HALLWAY . BUSY INTERSECTION .

No sweat.section.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.the DOTS are CLOSE. SEWER . He catches his breath.LIVING ROOM . to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. From outside. and the sound of OMINOUS. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. INT. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. all brandishing tools. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.SHANE He's alone. they hear the front door open. IN THE MANHOLE . He winces.It's dark and dank. then checks the tracker -. Three Workers rush him. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. ANGLE .then gasps -. PLUMMER HOUSE . He takes a deep breath and dives under. you're about to get a beat down. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. Shane easily takes them out.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. Shane lowers himself down. SQUISHY footsteps.then RUN. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. then checks his tracker. It's horrific. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. and charges through. Shane trudges through the river of muck. feet away. Shane pries off the manhole cover. INT.

but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. 43 INT. then covers their noses. 16 year old female. INT.Then the door swings open. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Covering her nose.. Zoe fixes her hair. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. he doesn't say anything. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Zoe checks him out as he goes. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. Everyone gasps. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.. INT. weird hair. Ditto. If you need anymore help. She practically GAGS as she passes him. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe.. use our nonemergency number. The smell is BAD. Todd stiffens. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. . looking like a Swamp Creature. The Cop looks at them. BATHROOM .b. with a smirk. Call.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. revealing Shane.p.. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.LATER Shane is in the shower. KITCHEN . thank you. The Cop leaves.. The Cop turns to Shane. BACK YARD . .

LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. He sees on the fridge. pulling Lulu after him. INT. Lulu starts to sniffle.) Get rid of them. He looks at it. Shane. we can't go the Jamboree.. And it's not like I have any other friends. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. LULU I can't. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. in just a towel. You gotta help me out. Mom's our den mother.a dozen little girls in uniforms. and whistle. They already think I'm a loser. 4. FAMILY ROOM . cringing in disgust. If we don't sell enough cookies. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . LULU We have to.S. They won't be home `til ten. Monday.. it's Monday.Shane enters. they're staring at him. The Brownies applaud. close to tears. (whispers:) Come on. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. SHANE (O. cause mom never lets me out of her sight.all junk food. 4 .

VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. I'm scared of you. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. INT.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room..wait here. do as I say. KITCHEN .MOMENTS LATER Shane." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Zoe's on the phone.. Here's how it's gonna be.Lulu's about to burst into tears. unpacking boxes of cookies. ZOE'S BEDROOM . the other to his back. Indian Style. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. ZOE . He's not just locking them -. BROWNIE Den Mother? . SHANE Alright. ladies. he's a total psycho. INT. back in "uniform.. They are assembled. Shane blows passed her. .. getting ready to go. at attention. Tonight.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. SHANE Good. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. INT. then drills it into place. LIVING ROOM . Shane sighs. Now -.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window.. revving a cordless POWER DRILL..we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. yeah. I'm gonna be your den -commander.

I can see you through the window.. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. EXT. GROCERY STORE . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. hits speed-dial. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. GROCERY STORE .. He smiles."what are you. Zoe picks up the phone. DRIVEWAY . Scott..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. (she listens:) Hm. nuts?" EXT...nothing even looks like food. ZOE . GROCERY STORE . NOTHING looks familiar -.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies..MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.5. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.. INT.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.PARKING LOT . No.. EXT. the camera CRANES up to. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. but they're . Tyler looks at him -.. He sees: a huge. but if anything happens. he's got us on lock-down. it's like Oz or something. SHANE I gotta get supplies. GROCERY STORE .. I dunno if that's a good idea. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. 4 EXT. Snack packs. as he pushes a cart into the store. He looks around at the bright.

menacingly..but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . 46 BROWNIE Oh no. The Cub Scouts high-five.noticing very shy. but can't get away. and lets her go.. chubby CUB SCOUTS. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. One The Brownies take off running. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. He laughs. they're back. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. before I get my face punching badge on you. I haven't seen anybody... you Skeever? . EXT. GROCERY STORE . SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.. Finally. . we see who she means: A group of bad ass. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. He rips it open. clutching their boxes.she tugs and tugs. One of the Brownies spots something. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF.

I'm here to protect you. Around his neck. Not cookies. we're going home.A LITTLE LATER . The Brownies are huddled behind it. He wears . trembling. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. Cheese MANAGER. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. He bends down. Where? SHANE INT. CHUCK E. 47.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan.2ND SCOUT Nope. He firmly tells Lulu. CHEESE .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Get in the car. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. EXT.22's. Shane's monitor starts beeping.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. and points at Lulu's Panic button. The Brownies scream. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. PARKING LOT . you're supposed to take us to dinner. He heads toward the Scouts.

Lulu approaches. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. On stage. the Chuck E. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. playing video games and ball. .. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. Cheese! Wider reveals.braces and head-gear. The Manager approaches Shane. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. Shane's watching Peter... she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. this much cyanide.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. This much The Manager laughs. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother..CHAOS. which causes him to lisp. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. skee Brownies are running around. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. A LITTLE LATER: 48.

She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Then he a joy stick. . They begin. LULU The Hulk can. I thought you liked combat. He cracks his knuckles. He checks over his shoulder -.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. kneels on his head. Shane is taking it really seriously. Nobody can jump thirty feet..LULU I pressed two player. Shane even get one punch in -. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. My joystick's broken.she pins him to the ground. stretches. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. He's really mad. He steps up to the machine. Unless you're scared. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. SHANE That wasn't a documentary.. and then a kick in the face. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . The second round starts. SHANE That's not fair. spins her. then kicks him in the face. Lulu picks a small female character. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. then cracks her in half over his knee. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Round three starts. Lulu screams out with her fighter.

oops too slow. swinging and missing. the Zhouse is quiet. INT.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. 50.. dancing. but he can't hit her. LULU You're not even trying. Lulu's having fun now. jumping.LIVING ROOM .. ZOE Mom -.. Shane's working the joy stick hard. Sparks fly. leaving the sizzling machine. come on -. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE . He is KO'd. LULU Too slow. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.. Shane's really fuming. HOTEL ROOM ... while he pounds the buttons. it's my job to worry. It's really annoying.... She keeps dancing... He and the Brownies sneak away.stop worrying. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. slamming buttons. INTERCUT WITH: INT. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. swing and a miss. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. its joystick dangling by its wires.take a shot. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone..

counting them. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. ZOE I know. 51. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma my cell.. not cool. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). Don't worry. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. MALL PARKING LOT . EXT.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. this is outta hand. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. who doesn't seem concerned at all.. She turns to Scott. everything's cool. but you know I have to do this. VARIOUS SHOTS . kids everywhere. INT. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. ZOE Dude.The Plummer House: . JULIE It's only a few more days. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. I love you. The guy's just a control freak.Seriously. And the folks who read my BLOG. ZOE Dude. .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. loads Brownies into the minivan. I hate leaving you. we're okay. up.LIVING ROOM . Zoe rolls her eyes.

Move. is fine. the Brownies follow.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. gasping.. again. INT. freestyling in the ball pool -. Suddenly. Not okay. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.for a long time..LATER . CHUCK E.. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. He's still down there.not okay. He holds his breath. SHANE .. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Whoa. SHANE Inexcusable.. CHEESE . He disappears under the balls -. and goes down for the diaper. SUBURBAN ROAD . MANAGER Relax. to leave a man behind like that. We see what he forgot: PETER. The Manager is watching him.they almost always do. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. Shane grimaces. He's holding the diaper. move! Go go! EXT. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. S 52.. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. out away from him.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. move. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. He charges across the room with the diaper. Silence.

CONTINUOUS Inside is worse.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.then CRUSHES the ball. Scott. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. trying to understand. Party's over. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. 53. peeing in the bushes. at a full run. Now. Shane snatches it mid-air -. PLUMMER HOUSE . AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. chugging drinks.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. Peter and Tyler up the path.. a total wreck.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors... Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. INT.KITCHEN . SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Outraged. EXT.. Shane takes Lulu. vents. scared. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. making out. then RUN. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J.. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. PLUMMER HOUSE . POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.'s turntables. we're gonna do this . SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. CLUB lock off the door. windows. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.and groans in disbelief. He gets out -. Reeling. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. jocks throwing footballs. as he pulls up in the Minivan..

no highway option. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.. in Playtex gloves.. Clean. Miserable TEENS scrub. He holds it up to a KID. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Scott and Zoe. residue. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . labeled with a Sharpie.. and walk out of sight. He hands Scott the mop. mopping. as kids clean.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Shane goes over them.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.CONTINUOUS . In a bathroom. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. PLOP. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Scott gulps . PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. trying to maintain his dignity. Oh my god.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. CUT EXT. furiously clean. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. ladies. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. They see Shane find the CD. PLUMMER HOUSE . straightening -. He lifts the sofa. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. he takes it off.. INT. It reads: GHOST.. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. through way -. Shane's eyes narrow.then he notices something. He fumes.

Shane . ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. helpless. You're like a robot.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE . furniture polished. (Announces:) Company. you hate us.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Todd picks her up. My friends will never come here again. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. sits down. outside the bathroom door. Thanks a lot.. and screams in Shane's face. Zoe gets up. shaky and furious. Lulu's crying. INT. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. He heads upstairs. Zpounding on doors... ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. ZOE I do too respect myself. Zoe blows past him -. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens..Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. PLUMMER HOUSE . downstairs! He walks down the hall. ueasy. They show no respect for you or your house. Shane stands. After a beat.into the bathroom. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. Because you have no respect for yourself. CUT TO: EXT. where she throws up. she pukes again. Scott's the last one to leave. Rambo. PLUMMER HOUSE .

Red 1. NINJA GHOST -.. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Shane spins in fight-stance. Don't worry. fiercely -.they're good. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Suddenly.. all in black BURST in through the window. SHANE You're right. They leap down after him.the three fight. I'm not the man for this job. SHANE Puberty. talking doesn't do any good. close-quarters and fast. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.55. as soon as your mom comes back. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT.. Suddenly -. I'm gone. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Go to your rooms. Wielding with great skill.. TWO NINJAS. Not even from the enemy. The Ninjas attack. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. tired) It's Scott.hand it over! staffs.the power goes out. He goes down. pounding him with their .. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs..

the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.. 56 INT. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. With his foot. Shane fends the Ninjas off.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. PLAYROOM . several FURBIES hit the floor. facing them. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.. WHACK. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. avoiding Legos. He pulls the a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. The Ninjas move towards him -. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. fiercely. They step back.then the Ninjas charge. Shane runs to the changing table. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.knocking him into. a squeezes . he hits a Ninja in the head. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.. and grabs it. toys fly. SHANE Okay -... and flings them all over the floor.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. Shane crashes down. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. and uses them both to fend off blows. blinding him.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. . it makes a silly thunk. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.

The cloud dissipates. He squints. Shane approaches Zoe's door. bawling.. . ANGLE .. Todd and Zoe enter. SHANE Shhh. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength.. and Shane sees he's now alone. terrified.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. HALLWAY .. Kids. fearful. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.SHANE 57. INT. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Shane bangs the window sill.? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE It's safe. that your father invented.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.. He hugs them. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He really hugs them. It's okay.. disappointed to have lost them.. He sprays it in Shane's face.. blinded. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. You can open up. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Then...then the door creaks open. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. He A long pause -. He runs to the broken window. Shane isn't sure what to do. quietly knocks.

Soon. CLOSE-UP .ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. They hug him tighter. Then. From now on." And then.. They want this. Shane offers his hand to shake.. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. relieved. it's been a long night. too. And I'm not going anywhere. But nothing's gonna happen to you. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. LIVING ROOM . and do what I say. I'll listen to you too. all smiles. He looks Zoe. INT. Zoe answers it. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. Deal? Truce -.. "Unchained Melody. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. as long as I'm here.a long pause. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. eye to eye. They shake -. Shane is furious -. absolutely nothing pottery . 58..they all jump.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. the other kids join in.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. SHANE They're not after you. The kids shudder. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Then.. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. startled. you listen to me. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.then they hug him..

But we're not sure what it is.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. but they didn't find it.MORNING Early morning. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.. INTERCUT: INT. You have any luck? JULIE Well. yes and no. The minivan pulls up.. Don't worry -.we'll be just fine. Plummer. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SCHOOL . We just don't know what its for. Nope.happened you should worry about. two men tried to get into the house tonight. Shane takes the phone. EXT. SHANE Mrs. metal two pronged KEY. They're gone. everyone's fine. .. SHANE No . They were looking for's okay. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. HOTEL ROOM . and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE (very genuine) ...CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. students run in to school. She holds up the strange.. It looks like some kind of "key". We found something in the box. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.

LULU'S CLASSROOM .she'll pay for the damage. who sits in the back. LULU'S CLASSROOM ." Then. reacting each time she HITS the gas. SCREAMING. and smiles at Shane. ANGLE on Shane. a crazed TEACHER next to her. He dips an INT. making a mess of an egg. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. she wrecked a driver's Ed. He is gesticulating.. shaking his head. .. egg in some purple dye. EXT. Shane nods. squashed at a little desk. An obstacle course with cones. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . then BRAKES. So.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. sunglasses on. Peter 60 She smiles.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. "yeah. Shane stands off to the side. SHANE Don't worry. HITS the gas. Principal Claire next to him. Zoe sits in a folding chair. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. MURNEY . Murney stands. then BRAKES. car -. THE GYM . Lulu's classmates all chant. mortified. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. I know it's good. ANGLE on Lulu. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. They look concerned.DAY Driver's Ed.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).INT..

it's not that -..I'm a bit concerned. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. and Shane walks them out... boys will be boys -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. Murney calls into the hallway... . Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. and I'm not sure what to do. Shane stops. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. what do you expect.) See if you can talk to the boy. Todd enters. but -. And that's not's the boy. Todd and Zoe stand to go. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. I was doing a little recon in his locker. But this. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.yes. (pulls Shane aside... No. what's going on. Zoe shrugs.That? Lady drivers.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. He does always miss sixth period.. SHANE He's not a NAZI. giving him a "skinhead" look. 61.but this is just sick. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Shane scowls. Shane gives Zoe a look..

Murney laughs. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. SHANE Another time. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. and leaves.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. maybe. we'll give these boys a treat.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Without warning. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. kicking him in the BACK.that whole family's no good. huh? (Shane ignores him. 62. and keeps walking. SHANE I'll talk to him. I'll show you a couple moves. and leaps at Shane. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM.. Shane walks the kids out. and Murney chases after him. I promise I won't hurt you. MURNEY You're a good man. stretching. Shane.. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. as he passes. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. MURNEY It's a date then. Shane trips forwards to his knees. Kung team: Shane walks away. if you ask me.

preheat the oven. signal me. He sees Zoe. so the alarm didn't go off. TODD'S ROOM . Todd runs towards the house. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane parks.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. I want to talk to you. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. EXT. he can see Todd. keeping the contact. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. The window is wide open. with a flowered basket. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. you're in charge. SHANE Smart kid. Shane screws the window shut. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. It's small for him... odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Shane looks out the window -. Murney his head. but instead he takes a deep breath.shakes Shane turns back. PLUMMER HOUSE . peering out her window. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. INT. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. SHANE Wait Todd. and leaves. It's pink. He enters. and snickers to his Team. He starts to shut the window. but he .A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. do your homework. running around the corner. Keep all doors sealed. Shane hops out the window. Nothing. Shane holds Todd back by the arm.far down the block. On the corner.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

. BEAT.. or not? Everyone nods. TODD . OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Shane straightens up..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Todd looks up at Shane.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. girls'll think I'm. He smiles. SHANE COMPANY -. LIESL We don't have a director.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Liesl chimes in.. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. they're not sure what to do... TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. they quickly assemble on stage.. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.What if. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.. weird or something? 66 ... it's over. Shane looks at the Cast. Chicks dig guys who can dance. Shane shakes his head. show's off... Todd looks devastated -. Shane's glare.

. Scott.. I called him in his room. angrily.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. SHANE . I promise.. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I don't know why I let it get to me..What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. YES WHAT? SHANE . He turns out the light. BREAKING something. He peeks in -. another girl picked up the phone.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . SHANE Okay. Shane exits.. INT. No wait! . LULU'S ROOM .LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway... furious.LATER . It's stupid. ZOE . SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.Yes. I know it's no big deal.. I won't touch him. He hears Zoe in her room.

So -they waited for cloud cover. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.Shane tucks Lulu into bed... By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. Once there was a family of Elves.. on Lulu's floor. (MORE) T S L 8. Stumped. ULU Tell me a story. the little Elf family -. facility. he illustrates.. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. Let's see. three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. To find a secret gnome.Uh. The elves had to go in and take it out.. Went into the magic forest. I 6 . He sits on the bed.. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Shane looks at her surprised. As Shane finishes the story. setting up the scene with DOLLS.. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.. and they came in from the north..

. head in the door. INT.. c'mon. and whispers to Peter. Shane sighs. or he won't stop. ... Peter WAILS. the teeniest little elf of all -. S 69. Then. TODD I'll write it down for you. from across the hall. Peter starts bawling. Like dad used to do.. SHANE Oh. And you ain't got a chance.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) ..Rodriquez.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Todd calls from the doorway.. He made it up for him. TODD You have to do the dance.. lower than the floor. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. I can't remember that thing. We got `em all..... NURSERY . The wails get louder and LOUDER. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. and do the Panda Dance. Lulu's fallen asleep..mean standing. Even..

. . Peter applauds. with her Gameboy. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Humiliated. Chun.) EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Shane turns and catches Mr. She gets out in shock. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. They turn to Zoe.MORNING . Shane crab-walks sideways. T the A 70. GARAGE . The Kids sit bolt upright. (Tyler in the snuggle). (He does. through the mirror. just like the crabs do. and gets in the driver's seat. mortified. Lulu is next to him. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. terrified. He does the dance as he sings.. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Chun gets his paper.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. He sings again. Shane hops forward three times.. staring.Shane sighs. Zoe realizes he's staring at her..MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. PLUMMER HOUSE . The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. SHANE Today you drive.

INT..I can't even pass driver's Ed.. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Zoe backs jerkily out. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. not the road.. I trust you. S P . The Kids share a dubious look. no.ZOE But -. Lulu and Todd are terrified. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. Exactly. She pulls out. Keep going. Touched.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive.. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Zoe is surprised.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. MINIVAN . but trying not to show it. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. jerkily. Shane is nervous. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Shane is shaky.

STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. She's wearing a cute dress.71. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Broken promises lead to broken legs.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Next lesson.. Shane lets him down and heads into school. hey head into the school. KIDS boisterously run past. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Before Scott knows what's happened. severe stare) Now.. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. laughing. and a little make-up. with a few FRIENDS. Claire strides into view. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables.Claire BARKS out. being obnoxious. trembling. 1500 hours. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane unclenches his teeth. CAFETERIA . EXT. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Shane spots something. terrified. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Shane's .. Very funny. Chastened. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Zoe smiles. SHANE Good.. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . ZOE Ha ha ha. INT. Shane jumps out of the car. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Suddenly -. Scott's terrified.

Noon and none of them have been called to my office. She's waiting for him to say. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .. sailor? Thanks. Love it when he does that. and offers him a milk.. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Principal Claire sighs "not again.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. something.. Suddenly. Wow.. SHANE hey eat in silence. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. It's a miracle. too." In one move. Shane`s not so good at small talk. dragging .. S he sits beside him. you never know who you're going to run into. He smiles back. She smiles.eyes alight. him by the ear. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Shane leaps over the table. S T P .

Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. I. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Murney gets up in Shane's face..... MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. No one's sure they heard him right. Murney turns around.. boy. now it all makes sense. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Talk. Silence. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. I want to sing. I quit. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. I'm right here. Then: TODD I am not scared. Todd looks. TODD Hey. M 73. Murney. What're you so scared of. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. MURNEY I've had it. MURNEY Winners never quit.Murney shoves Todd forward.. It opens Friday. Freak? The Students snicker. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Yeah I do. . intimidated.

I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house.Shane steps them. His voice cracks -. There is a stunned moment -. Let's do it. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. Murney looks around. I'm the only one with the guts to do it.face to face. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. So calm. You suck. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. He storms out. You win. Everyone is watching. TODD There is a man in my house -. swarm Todd.and then a mob of Students. protecting him. I'm not quitting cause I hate're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd reads: . humiliated.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. M urney looks over at the Team. The whole team wants to quit. it's scary S 74. Todd's telling the truth. Murney did not expect to be called furious -URNEY So -. They look to the ground sheepishly. Your ass is mine. taking flyers. The Gym. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.

Murney. shocked. WHAM.sending him right into the wall. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Shane throws an arm around Todd. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Todd cheers Shane on. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Murney bounds to his feet.BAM. quietly twitching on the ground.3:00 mat. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through."Murney's getting his ass kicked. rushes Shane. Murney lands on his back. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. 3:00. mumbling something. GYM . grabs onto Murney's waist. his The Wrestlers mouths drop." INT. and they head out. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Todd flops to the mat. The bleachers are PACKED. M URNEY on. S 75. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . hard. and sweeps Murney -. Shane side-steps.

FOREST . SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. fascinated. LULU We're Brownies. The crowd cheers. Claire. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. . SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. 76 SHANE either.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. TO: EXT. TODD That was awesome. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up. They walk out. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. Todd. that's all. BUGS. If you're not sure. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. I got my troops waiting. too. When I Rwanda.Dislocated nerve. No brownies edible. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling .

He signals her.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. MALL PARKING LOT . he reaches out and rocks it. Shane holds a stopwatch. OLD FACTORY . here at the top of the stairs.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. in perfect tempo. and races through a slalom of orange cones -..FRONT LAWN . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. the Girls PUNCH. and. MALL PARKING LOT . In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. PUNCH. KICK. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. here. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. this way -and the Von Trapp is set." INT.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. He laughs at his own joke.. He illustrates the stage directions.fascinated. in between punches. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. she burns rubber. In unison..EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.we'll put Von Trapps here.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. NURSERY . The Duck watches all this -. EXT. The Kids don't get it. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.. PUNCH.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises... Zoe . KICK. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. INT.she hits EVERY ONE -.

EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. The Brownies attack.2. she only clips one. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.. They watch closely. EXT. INT. in we WIDEN back.3. OLD FACTORY .DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. your life little girl. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane gives her a signal. it teeters. MALL PARKING LOT ." Lulu. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. T I E 77.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. but doesn't fall. blur. mercilessly. Hands a T . ODD . He counts begins wriggling free.DAY -"1. NURSERY ..out and weaves the cones.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard...BACK YARD . EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . is an empty page/that men will want to write on.FRONT LAWN . He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. INT..

Shane is so touched.he's got it down. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. He does a spin kick. Then he tucks Peter in. NURSERY . THUD! Gazelle. Graceful. odd tries the spinning kick. 8.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.EVENING . Graceful. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. daddy.hard. Peter Panda. He kisses Peter on the forehead. But sweet dreams. SHANE I'm not your daddy. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. now and then." Singing and doing all the moves -. INT. Todd tries the kick. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. he almost bursts into tears. adding a James Brown flourish. Again. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.huh? Now. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Peter. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . but blows it. Peter.

she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. The . Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. he lands on the ground hard. the Other Scouts are scared. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike... see them. FORMATION. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.they a FLIP. scary. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . proud. As he's comparing prices -. but like lightning. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. at their own table. tying him. You're gonna have to pay for that. The Scouts share a look -. In one move. striking a cool pose.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.he sees.MOMMY! She lets him go -. the Chubby Cub Scouts. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. Across the lot. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. He smiles. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. INT. The Scout struggles. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. wearing the double snuggle. 9. S SHANE That's my troop.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. she wraps it around his arm.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

soldier. J 82. talking excitedly. HOTEL . EXT. WITH: J INT.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. Shane answers it. happy. A tear runs down Zoe's face.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. the kids are all abuzz. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. INT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . The phone rings. we're on the first plane in the morning. ANGLE . BACK YARD . HALLWAY . OE I never even got to say good bye.SHANE He's left alone. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.

Shane sighs morosely. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front.The house is dark. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. INT. He pets the Duck. Gary sits in the next chair. GARAGE . Shane sits in a lawn chair. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. hane rises. Suddenly. Shane turns. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.. with. Three squares a day. SHANE Just another assignment. he Duck stares.NIGHT hane turns the light on. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. No reason for personal attachments. unblinking. the Duck starts quacking. Kids to play S .. your wings aren't clipped. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.

The break in its surface is a strange. He tries muscles rippling. He's been trying.. crack the lock all night. we see a CRANK WHEEL. Shane dials a phone. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Nothing.. Lulu hands him a tool.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. No hinges or cracks. shines it down the grate. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. Shane steps down it. INT.SHANE What happened.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. TO: to S 84. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. unsuccessfully. leading below the garage.. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Shane looks on stunned. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. only It's solid and inscrutable. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. and then it gives. The wheel spins. DISSOLVE INT.. The Kids are watching his progress. GARAGE . ... Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. he floor opens. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.

An ominous pause. TO: INT.. GARAGE . We'll be there shortly -. MRS. GHOST. She looks stricken. relieved.EXT.. Away from Shane.. can't crack it. I've been trying all night.don't do anything `til I get there. pleased. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Then we slowly MOVE UP. excited. and hangs up. Except for -. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles.Lulu. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. CHUN CUT BACK .. sir. towards the neighbor's house. Everyone reacts happily. Bill reacts. Do you have it? SHANE No. W e PUSH INTO the house.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. After we turn this in to my CO. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Silently spying on Shane. don't do anything further. Through a window. TO: INT. I think I found GHOST. Bill's cell phone rings.. It's in a steel vault. BILL . he answers it. GARAGE . Okay. SEDAN . Julie sits beside him..

JULIE'S HOUSE . The rug is vacuumed. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.O.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. so they probably trashed the place. She trails off. Bill is carrying her suitcases.. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. comes into the dark hall.: The house is spotless. in shock.they hear.SHANE He goes silent. J JULIE'S P. Lulu? You should be happy.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . should be home soon. he has no answer. Julie and Bill hop out. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. Your mom CUT TO: EXT...V. Kids singing a beautiful. The fish tank is clear. SHANE You guys better get ready.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. KIDS VOICES . INT. in the next room. Shane -. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). I 85. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. LULU But.. Tongue-tied. HOUSE .

KITCHEN . for a thousand years. ( B 6. INT. a capella) .CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. mom. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. Julie starts bawling.. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Zoe is in a conservative dress.(singing. Peter is fresh faced. Bill steadies her.. Across the room. Julie goes to the. She sees... smiling. S SHANE Captain. with songs they have sung. Shane sees Bill enter.. picture- . ZOE Welcome home. INT. Dumb-struck. 8 JULIE almost faints. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Lulu has bows in her hair. The Kids rush forward and hug her. featuring Todd. DINING ROOM . Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable.. no dishes in the sink. Lieutenant.. She staggers to..CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. BILL (he smiles wryly. then salutes back) Good job.

Don't get me wrong. reluctant. Bill stops..DAY Shane leads Bill inside. surprised. Suddenly. BILL I should hope not. anywhere you want. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Shane. SHANE That's kind of you. Bill holds the pronged key. all I've never known is the military. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. GARAGE . Sir. And I think I want to explore that some more.. Shane continues.. S S 87. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. pause) But I'll have to think about it. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. You just name it. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . an ANGRY VOICE.INT. ILL I'm really proud of you.

CLOSE-UP .. and Mrs... He takes a submissive position.. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. and starts to fall. Shane shoots Bill a glance.Shane and Bill spin. SHANE'S POV woozy. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. then passes out. confused. startled. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Chun comes closer.SHANE Lights out. MRS.. relishing a second of glory -. He turns.. startled. hane takes control! He smiles. He is losing consciousness. Disoriented. There were delays. he looks up as he drops. Shane peers in confusion.. B 88. reaching for Bill's key.. Mr. Mrs. Things are spinning. ... GUNS DRAWN. Chun..when suddenly. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. while SLAMMING their heads together. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.

tied up. The door HUMS.. They anxiously tiptoe. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore.DAY Shane lies unconscious. scared. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Peter has a JUICE BOX. INT. Chun) Keep an eye on them. Bill and Mrs. Charles trusted you.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Chun) secures the room. INT.with me.BLACK. reaching. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.. NURSERY . Chun Bill GAGS Julie... Bill checks the knots binding the children. They THE VAULT! Spare. Chun approach the steel door. and it CLICKS. So did the Department of Defense. bright and white. livid.. GARAGE . You -. FADE IN: INT. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. 9. ILL North Korea pays better. with two . The Kids are furious. The floor is covered with square tiles. They whimper. The Korean Man (Mr. He GAGS the kids. closing the window shades. Beside the safe is a red switch.. (to Mr. exit. Inside is a dark corridor. then slides OPEN! enter. Bill and Mrs. Julie glares. 8 Bill grins. JULIE I trusted you.

settings: ARMED and DISARMED.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.. Chun whirls -. she unties Zoe! Then -. startled -. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. She confidently strides toward the safe -. INT. Mr. But behind her back. the Chun spins.. she hits her panic button! O. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No..and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.. eyeballing them icily. It's set on ARMED. quickly assuming a fake bound position. HOUSE . MRS..SAME TIME Mr. Bill eyes the safe. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. BEEPING.. like a monstrous computer. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. MRS. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. Chun guards the kids. but the of her jacket is on fire.needing a distraction. CHUN But I've got some C4. then Mr. Chun's eyebrows are neatly.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.. MR. completely SINGED OFF. Lulu frowns. had eyebrows. He sneers. Mrs. Tyler GASPS.S. off shoulder eyebrows. Lulu "looks" scared. Mr. done. low-pitched HUM. CHUN Just. as if she hadn't moved. With a rapid blur of finger-work. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. then leans back against Zoe. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . horrified -. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Chun is Bokay. The air is filled with an ominous.the Kids look innocent.

then. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. They untie Julie. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun's face. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Lulu runs. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Chun laughs: MR... Mr. Chun's head. It HURTS. Mr.W Z 90. CHUN That's cute. snake-like move. Mr. slamming the door behind her. Mr. Skeptical. .. when he's at her level.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's leg. BEHIND TODD . He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun scowls. he steps closer. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. HAM without warning.

CONTINUOUS Mr.CONTINUOUS Mr.. Chun falls back from the door. INT. they're trapped inside. NURSERY .. I INT.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. DONNGGG -.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. his face COATED in white. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.doorknob. He yells out furious! MR. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. INT. INT. Bill lurches into view.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . but the door won't budge. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. clutching her! The . NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. M E M 91. Chun punches the door. She SCREAMS. FRONT DOOR .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.but as Julie exits. making a small hole. He sticks his face out the hole...CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. Chun's face.

.kids are horrified. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.. Chun THE RADIO. then nod and run to the side garage. ARGHH! driveway. They start to run back. . INT. CHUN Chun falls. speaking in Korean: RS. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.I've got the keys.. HOUSE . HOUSE . but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Mrs. She floors it. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. MINIVAN . Chun comes racing around the house -. EXT. they're not going anywhere.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. MR. unsure. Chun listens to SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.CONTINUOUS r.

What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. GARAGE . holding a military RADIO. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. I wouldn't have killed him so soon.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. INT. Mrs. leading her to the secret door. Chun exits the vault. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. Julie GASPS. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Then. They step past Shane's body.. gaining on them. lying on the concrete..Charles didn't tell me about the room. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. It's getting old. B . chilled.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. INT. VAN . oe runs a yellow. Don't make me kill you too.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. a CRACKLING of static.

) Bill.DAY The vehicles race. Surprised.. Chun zooming by. BUSY STREET ..Shane is standing in the doorway. they might wreck. ZOE . everyone looks down. SHANE (O. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. Bill..S. emotional. ILL .he clicks "talk" on the radio. It's B risky. Bill uncuffs Shane. to cut them off! INT..SHANE They look over -.93... Chun just inches from the kids' tail. just please don't hurt anyone. MINIVAN . ill eyes him. ANGLE . MRS. Then -. Do it. The men stare down. don't hurt the kids. EXT. Bill deciding if he can trust him. He does something we can't see. It's like a chariot race. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. my husband has question: MR. I'll get you in. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. He tries to pass them on the right. CHUN Mr. as Zoe drives. Bring them back unharmed. half on the sidewalk. BILL Change of plan.

Shane is figuring his options.. disoriented. In the van. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Mr. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.What's taking you? 94. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face.. INT.. SECRET VAULT . Chun with debris: milk cartons. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. and loses control. Chun SCREAMS.. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Mrs. orange peels. Mr. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Zoe looks over. Mr. Chun off for a beat. CRASH!! The kids cheer. It throws Mr. Bill waits impatiently. Peter laughs.. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.. triumphant. . Chun swerves and almost wrecks. M R. Exasperated. Hair spray. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. She Mr. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun holds Julie.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. crayons. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. Chun ROLLS UP his window. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it.

then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Lulu. ill cocks his gun. Shane SQUIRTS it. Watch. Shane steps forward. Todd. go get it -.. Bill laughs. Shane leaps back. . BILL Code or no code. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Sweat drips down Shane's face.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. confidently: J B B 95 . He speaks aloud.. Tyler! Bill reacts. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. sending him flying backwards. over one beam and ducking under another -. Peter. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. puzzled. Shane steps forward .now. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Shane gets up.A bewildered beat -. landing on his hands and knees. in pain.

. fearlessly. Shane he steps forwards. across two tiles.NOTHING HAPPENS. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. CLOSE-UP .they have no idea what he's laughing about. just like the crabs do. and do the Peter Panda Dance. not quite centered to the room. Shane LAUGHS sharply. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .. lower than the floor. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. Again -.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. E 96 . S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. NOTHING HAPPENS. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Calmness comes to Shane's face. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. then back: smiles. .SHANE Shane's thinks. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. And you haven't got a chance. When you're down and low.. Something she said. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. He thinks. Julie relieved. He feels the Groove. He steps sideway. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. He takes a deep breath. Bill and Julie share a look -.

9 7. Use the gas. Inside is the Cute Cop. Zoe blows past it. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. not the takes a while. EXT. they're FLYING. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. The Squad Car's lights flash on. Don't follow me! . his focus gone. 5-0. When he steps back -. and our bodyguard -. he'd be toast. If he'd been standing. ZOE Come on.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. They have my mom. BUSY INTERSECTION . Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. from the ceiling.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. and he catches up with the minivan -.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.

EXT. like there ain't no floor. SCHOOL . and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. concerned.. My intelligence proved to be faulty. She shakes her head. at a safe distance. Squad Car turns around and chases her. sliding forward. and speeds back towards her house. Following the chase. but if I had more resources. The Squad Car is on its tail. It's acid.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Then better jump quick..the The She swerves into the Squad Car.. almost running it off road. I accept full responsibility. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. 98.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. the Minivan SPEEDS by. pool of liquid. nervously.. EXT. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. . is Mr.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. in a cloud of smoke. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. SUBURBAN STREET . PLUMMER BASEMENT . NECK-BRACE. INT. Zoe U-turns. Claire frowns. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. Suddenly.

Mrs. The Booby Traps are disarmed. He flips the switch to DISARMED. to the left of the HOLE. almost done. Shane.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. "Just hold your breath. disgusted. Bill looks around. Chun to go first. Beat.he waves his hand over the floor. to calm down) Almost done.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. and jumps back. I knew you'd figure it out. The safe's red light turns green. BILL Thank you. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. sir. 99. Chun follows.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.and walks across the room. Bill signals for Mrs." . Bill takes a breath -. It's a stand-off. He lands in front of THE SAFE. He's relieved -. pulling Julie along. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. What do you say -. You were always my best man. The whole room goes SILENT. Nothing happens.. and jump to the left. Finally. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates." He jumps. Immediately. He nervously steps forward . Shane scowls. And you betrayed all of that. if you're willing to join up. Whew. He holds his breath just in time. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill shrugs. She gestures back: you go. All that we stand for.. BILL I'll take that as a "no.

before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Chun. SHANE There will be no mercy. Chun doesn't budge... and touches the dial. Chun reaches out. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on.Bill turns to the safe. Bill is incensed.. Bill gestures to Mrs. Full of himself. He starts to reach for the dial. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.. trying to read Shane's poker face. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks.. You open it. Shane reaches for the safe. head. but Shane gazes coldly. shaking from the voltage. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. then PUNCHES him in the gut. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Bill is off guard. But suddenly Mrs. then catches himself. her hair on end. Mrs. Bill LUNGES. hitting Bill's arms. Relief.Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. I walked the floor first. BILL (CONT'D) . SIZZLING. She turns it.. . MRS. Something's not right. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. BILL None requested. Nothing happens. Reluctantly . I think you better open it. legs! He's crazed. Shane shrugs. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. unrelenting.

IN THE VAN.. Shane tumbles.! EXT.. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. Shane shakes his head. ANGLE . SHANE You're a. She smiles. chase after. SIRENS wailing.BILL He steps over Shane. PLUMMER'S STREET . knocking her out. K. delivering a series of hard punches. OOF! Bill tumbles. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. They punch. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. tottering. saved. Leering mercilessly. spin.. then whispers/sings. which Shane deflects -. But he's unforgiving. everyone is SCREAMING. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Shane struggles to lose her. It's clear the both have the same training. He jumps to his feet. connecting only occasionally. he drops and FLIPS her. good night. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. kick. The Police Cars . unable to gain her balance. terrible neighbor. the wind knocked out of him. Shane narrows his eyes.. Suddenly. Bill is charging him. Say. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. She catapults. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. landing on his back in front of the safe. stumbles backwards across the room. Shane COLD-COCKS her.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. SHANE .O.they tangle like pro's.

.SAME TIME Total commotion. smoke BURNING from the tires -. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. from the car. Then -.. HOUSE .. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . She smiles at Shane. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.O. then look in the safe: Inside. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. JULIE Thank you Shane.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Now we can go back to our peaceful. They look in silence. GHOST. Cops surround them. But it's too late. Whoa. SECRET VAULT . with their hands raised. SHANE . Shane steps out. INT.and hits a tree. Shane gently removes it. The kids clamber from the van. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. grateful. The garage door raises. It's finally over. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The Kid spill out and run. then BRAKES. The van SKIDS..101.

and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. and grabs the MR. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.... HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. Shane spins. But then -. Cops cover Shane and Julie. Nobody is sure what to do. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. as he turns his head. ZOE But. Mr. triumphant...S. 10 2.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. The Cops are unsure what to do.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . He's disheveled and manic. Shane weighs his not so many options. I suggest you call the FBI... Julie and Shane Freeze.. uh. Silence. Zoe. Now. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Chun stands inside the gate. Numerous. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.CUTE COP FREEZE. helpless. you're in a lot of trouble. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. MR. vaults onto Chun. officer. He scoffs.a CRAZED SCREAM. CHUN (O. Even Chun is amazed. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze.

swelling with pride. reaches for his radio. then walks off. COP I think I'll call the FBI.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. that was nice work. 103. This chaos is unsolvable. Agent.B. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.rocket launcher. Shane examines it.LATER F. PLUMMER HOUSE .CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. Julie huddles with the kids. he . CLOSE-UP .B. AGENT Mr.B. You're a one-man battalion.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. AGENTS swarm the area..CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. watching the FBI Agents work.I. Shane talks with an F. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. ANGLE .I. F . Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.I. Wolfe. F. GARAGE .B. SHANE Just doing my job.. CLOSE-UP . INT.I.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Tyler. re-conning the situation. You tell me.I want to say: I love you more than anything. I don't see anything but reasons to stay... and Julie notice... And to tell the truth.. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. Todd. here. A tear comes to her eye. Peter. The Plummers hug each other. On. 104. She sees. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.Yes. Her siblings. from the safe. I always have. I'm kinda. Lulu -. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. then Julie found the key.. I don't know.Maui? . You're the superior office. and gather around.. He looks around: at the family. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Does it itch? Yes. He looks at Claire. SHANE Well. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. EXT. say -. Summer's almost here. Shane looks at her. I'm on dry land.. Zoe. Julie.. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else... Mock-angry. SHANE .CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. fallen onto the floor. a letter. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.

He starts to head off. Thank you.he hugs the whole family at once. P ETER Love you. Like he did. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. For everything.SHANE This is too much.. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.he can't keep it in. Shane. interrupting. 105. Guess you have to go now. sad.his medal.Sir yes sir. ZOE But. The Plummers all approach. Lulu turns to Shane.. Your work here is through. SHANE Claire beams. baffled. She puts out her hand. to shake his. squeezing them off the ground. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. Zoe gives them a look -.. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. TIGHT . He squeezes her hand around it. come here you. A long beat. I'm gonna . SHANE Ah. Julie looks up. He wipes his face. Shane bawls -. He puts them down. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about.. LULU This is it.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH.

Farewell. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw." In the audience. Claire: dressed to the nines.a Michael Jordan dunk." Hearts swell. You Are Sixteen begins. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. VICTORIA THEATRE. They all watch. his hair combed. Scott: in a suit. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. hit your marks. A STANDING OVATION. beaming with pride. The performers take their curtain . Shane watches with bated breath. Julie watches in astonishment. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Shane stands. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. In SLOW MOTION. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. even Murney. until he sits back down.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. the little Brownie Troop. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. BACKSTAGE . and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. She is surrounded by her children. It's fantastic -. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. rapt. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. Todd spins.

then giddily gesture Shane to come out. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.-The. FADE OUT. He humbly steps into view -. Thundering applause. Shane smiles.html on December 9 2010 . THE END http://www. Mission touched.and the house goes crazy.

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