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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
terrified. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. He tries force the door open. I'm gonna get you outta here. but can't get free. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. SHIP'S HOLD .. One of our SEALS calls out to them. INT.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. United States Navy.. when I say it. they're almost out of ammo. He's gone. . SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. him his oxygen. EXT. As the water rises. Plummer screams..) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. My way -.SIMULTANEOUS 4. Shane removes his mouth piece. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. hauling the Professor up. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. over his head. Up to his nose. to the roof. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.no highway option. But you have to do exactly what I say. PLUMMER How did you know where I.. He cuts the Professor's GAG. ON THE DECK . Do you copy? (Plummer nods. When it finally opens. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.
. Shane takes a deep breath. HELICOPTER . Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.. INT. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHIP'S HOLD . OCEAN'S SURFACE . more!" They do. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. pulling the Professor in behind him. HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. 5. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. He . SHANE INT. terrified.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Hold on. holding the Professor. INT. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. clearly he loves this kind of day. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. EXT. and pulls himself.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.
waits. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Please. CHARLES I'm safe.. Charles stops Shane. I can't believe you. I'm just not big on chit chat.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. the Professor looks terrified. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. She thinks I'm dead. EXT.. rotors whirling slowly. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. how'd we. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. CHARLES Lieutenant. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . shutting him up. PLUMMER Oh my God.beside him.. Lieutenant. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely... Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. We have to keep moving. That was the most incredible. thank you.. . Not imperative to the mission.
Peter. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. SHANE We're almost ready. I do security. that's my specialty. It's voice activated. PILOT sits... Shane looks at him. WHAM. Shane drops. DEAD. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Charles dials.. RUN!!! black.Charles picks up his briefcase. Shane considers. Tyler.. PAVE HAWK .couldn't crack it. Charles dials his cell phone. puzzled. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Todd. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit... All goes . He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. you want to see it? Negative... except for the phone and a family PHOTO. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. and talks. The briefcase pops open.. Designed it myself. knocked unconscious. Lulu. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. back to him. I have a picture of my kids in here. then hands him his satellite phone. INT. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.. I'm alive. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.
BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . He looks around.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. sir. HOSPITAL . His arm and face bandaged.: Everything is a blur. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. in slow-motion. And a good friend. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.friendly. EXT. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. You're the best man I ever trained. SHANE'S P. Everything is ablaze. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Bill sits down beside the bed. as the chopper ignites.V. Captain. He sees Charles.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. I know sir. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. unconscious.. unassuming.it hurts to salute. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.7. barely conscious. despondent. Shane reaches out.O. but he does it anyway. PAVE HAWK . SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. SHANE . HOSPITAL . A Huey Helicopter lands.. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. He holds a REPORT in his hand. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. and takes Charles' Briefcase. He takes a long look at Shane. There is huge explosion.
. disappointed. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. as I stated in my report.. BILL . 8.S. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Invigorated. and sits opposite Shane.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. He pulls up a chair. and starts to rise.T. really. disconnects an IV..T. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. G. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.O. BILL Not a surprise. I'm gonna need the mini sub. SHANE The case was empty sir. SHANE Sir..H.. Shane sits up.a genius. is still out there. Bill shakes his head.H.SHANE He had to call his family. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. I. He can't believe his good fortune.O. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together... Thank you.S. It's not that kind of mission. He called it G. he pulls off bandages. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. appreciate your confidence. Then.. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. Bill considers this.
I need someone to stay at that house. I love you. Shane Wolfe.NIGHT . (MORE) 9.Shane listens.T. Not even when I was a kid sir. hearing the dead man's voice. sir. Maybe it is...H. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. CUT TO: INT..if anything happens to me.. He's a good man.) Honey. sir. is in that house. The family's scared. I should go. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. intrigued. Either way. BILL . presses play...S. CHARLES (O.. SHANE'S APARTMENT . top to bottom. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Widow. I got a call from the professor's wife. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.O. maybe it isn't. BILL The professor's wife requested you. It's just that. I'll call you in an hour. I'm alive. call Lt.. Whoever killed the professor must think G. Shane is surprised. Searched the place. anyway.S. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Shane is shocked. I've never been very good with kids. and protect them. She told me someone had broken into her home.
and sees LULU. Shane looks like a bad ass. with toys all over the lawn. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. It SQUEAKS. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Hm. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Shane eyes Lulu. also identical to the one he wears. Lulu eyes Shane. EXT. peering up at him. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.Shane packs his duffel bag. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. The sprinklers go off. night vision goggles. He reaches in. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.then the door swings open. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. He looks at for a moment. .V.. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. ready for anything. Shane frowns. Shane looks down -. 10. machete. Shane's P.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. we're not interested. He rejects it.O.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.s..AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.. Shane double-checks the address. SUBURBAN STREET . Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. 8. they all go in. identical to the one he wears. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). camouflage vest. EMALE VOICE (o.. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. and pulls out a small. Shane heads to the door. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
Helga will . entersJULIE I'll be there. Swiss law says only his family can access it.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Shane.Nighttime -. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. The phone RINGS inside. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.) Julie.NIGHT Shane.MORNING stand hug Julie. 14. Julie casually answers it.. BILL (o. INT.. with her suitcase. it's Bill Fawcett.s. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. through the kitchen window. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . INT. I have some potentially good news.) There's a catch. This could all be over! BILL (o. Julie and Shane share a look.the family eats dinner.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Through the window.s. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. LIVING ROOM . JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.s. I think it could contain GHOST. JULIE That's wonderful.. listening to the conversation. We slowly pull out.
all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. SHANE Don't worry. do it.we'll be fine. it's just. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. . JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I love you guys. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.handle everything. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.. Plummer.. No. They'll be safe with me. chill. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. it's my job to worry... H S . whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Helga will take care of everything else.. are you licensed to kill? .. I am a mom. Mrs. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. And guys. And on the back door. And on the phone... I'm gonna miss you. HELGA Everything will be fine. ZOE Mom -. I'll be back in 48 hours.
s. on a short ladder.. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Shane turns off the light.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.WHRRP! Shane ducks. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. SHANE (CONT'D) . looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane shakes his head.NIGHT Shane. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. You do something. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Immediately. when in the corner of his eye -. elga stomps out. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane heads down the hall. I make bottle. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.5. Gary suddenly FLIES by . can't find him. INT.... SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.. pouring in Cheerios. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. He shuts off the - ...NIGHT hane rushes in -. INT.
SHANE Not with this kid.. He's dazed. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. ZOE Okay. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. tool. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. jumps onto the trampoline. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL.. S COTT .BACK YARD .. ZOE He's my boyfriend.. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. calling out from across the street. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.go back inside. Zoe -. I'll call you. Shane runs. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. house like a marionette. Shane LIFTING him in the air. runs off. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.window alarm and sneaks out silently. .. come on Scott.. Zoe! . They both tumble to the ground. 16. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. fine.
Shane stands there. so we're up kind of early. PLUMMER HOUSE . pop their heads out. Look.Zoe storms inside. Oh. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. CHUN Thanks a bunch. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . THE CHUNS. we own a bakery. A simple misunderstanding. no accent) We speak English. They're arguing with each other in Korean.. MR. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. fuming. CHUN (perfect English.. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. I INT... MR. We had an intruder. Oh.. Shane's about to head inside. Sorry. and we found this in our pool filter. Kojak. Shane addresses them.. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. The alarm stops. The Alarm's still blaring. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. CHUN . and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut.NIGHT . about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. huh baby-sitter? Mr. SHANE My apologies. SHANE MRS.
Shane shuts her door. ZOE Who do you think you are -.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. to not fall over. Shane marches back down the hall. angry rock music blares from Todd's room.) sing). ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. lower than the floor. You should have told her the truth. SHANE Not anymore. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Loud.s. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. . Shane flips her foot in the air. She has to hop on one foot. Bite me! Shane frowns.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. continues down the hall. S W 1 8. And you feel like you ain't got a chance.
Three steps forward. INT. HOUSE . In the bedrooms. EXT. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. one step back. Shane shakes his head. in bed -. The Children. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Peter in his bed. just like the crabs do. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Then jumps up. . to their beds.groove. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. and do the Peter Panda Dance.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. he wriggles on the floor. then "crab-walks" sideways. warm orange light.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib.laugh and laugh. T Z Z T 19. PLUMMER HOUSE . She does.
Covering their ears. oe is wrapped in blankets.. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. S . not understanding what's happening.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Not in front of the kids.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. half-asleep and angry. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. 20 . HALLWAY . You're insane. carrying the crying baby. ODD It's Sunday. disoriented.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. INT. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Move. Suddenly his door flies open -. Helga runs through in hair curlers. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. motionless. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. like she's been electrocuted. TODD'S ROOM .. L Move. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.odd is out cold.MORNING Todd sits up. Todd blinks groggily. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.m.
. L 21. No highway option. HELGA (She curses Again.LATER The children are assembled. Your behavior is unacceptable. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.) Shane's jaw drops. sucking on a bottle. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. in Romanian.. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order..do you. INT. KITCHEN ..do you.he gives him a look of disbelief. lined up tallest to shortest. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. ladies. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. . shocked.
SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. S ULU (CONT'D) .a tense silence. So you are -. I tell you what to do -. Everyone cracks up. ZOE I am not wearing that. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Shane bangs hard on it. P eter farted. ZOE He's in his room. Now that I know I can't trust you. where's the older male? There were five.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. SHANE Tracking devices. Never take them off.. he's furious. Angry. Shane bounds up the stairs. wait. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Red baby.and you do it. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Red 2. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you... It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. INT. Red Leader.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. or you're dead. Everyone stares blankly -. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button.you better be dying. He tries the knob. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . End of chain. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. but it's locked.. Touch that -. The panic button is only for emergencies. He yells at her.(pointing) Red 1.
SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Todd nods in agreement.they glare at Shane. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Down the hall -. He sees Shane. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Oops. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. this wouldn't have happened. then CRASHES inward. She stops at Todd's door -. and head down the hall. Zoe comes up the stairs. the destroyed door and wall. HALLWAY . He has to go. INT. I can fix this. A piece of the ceiling falls. and Todd comes sauntering back.a FLUSH. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. hits Shane on the head.22. patrolling.. If you'd been wearing it. INT. INT.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane steps aside. The entire frame collapses. to her room.LATER ZOE .MORNING ..
His head shifts.the rumble of a car approaching. He said there's a ghost. hard. wearing a towel as a sheet. Really? His eyes light up. clicks his alarm remote opens it. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.WHACK -. Daddy even said so.LATER . he hears something suspicious -. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. Lulu hides behind Shane. to see that Peter is chasing her. L S 23. Lulu SHANE Hey. INT. He rushes for the front door. Peter Booos again. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. Peter! screams. He pretends to be a ghost. just as -. hey.S. I don't know. PAPERBOY (O. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. HALLWAY . Shane turns.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. And then it hits Shane. LULU This house is haunted. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.
Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. He goes back to the living room. inally. Nothing.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. Searching. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.. all the way down.. She screams. scanning the ceiling. listening for hollow spaces. BANGING her head and ass on each step. T IGHT . He RAPS again. I INT.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. pushing. MR. then turns his attention to his laptop. ZOE Here he comes.. appears. F .ZOE AND TODD . Shane scans it. Then -.Shane walks slowly down the hall. feeling. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. carrying a huge laundry basket. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.. as laundry flutters down from above. When he hears an alert from his laptop. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down.. STAIRWAY .. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.a creak. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. Zoe whispers.
He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. SWISS BANK . They wait patiently -. EXT. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. 25. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. then licks his finger to turn the page. SWISS BANK . He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass.DAY Establishing. If we can't get some faster service. terrified. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. this is an urgent matter. He licks his finger again. He jumps to his feet. The Banker looks at him blankly. looking jet-lagged.DAY Bill and Julie. He feebly gets up. It's taking him a LONG time. we're going to have to file a complaint. Not in Switzerland. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. . Then looks back to the paperwork. Bill can't stand it anymore. I can't.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. but can't get the page to turn. INT. mouthing along in FRENCH. BANKER Marcel! out. He seems to be about 100 years old. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. ZOE Uh-oh.They gulp.
grabbing her foot. PLUMMER HOUSE . Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. Shane moves for the phone. Oui. Suddenly. heads to the door -. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. the chief does not speak English. Shane dives. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.SAME TIME Helga. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. I QUIT.Shane tries to block her path. remain calm -- 26. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. QUACKING. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. Peter's in the aquarium. RING! Amid the chaos.you will have access to the box tout-suite. suitcases in hand. How long is that? INT. The suitcase handle breaks off. Shane picks up the receiver. and Helga dashes for the door. HELGA I am calm. The duck flies around.Another Banker. As soon as your background checks clear. SHANE (CONT'D) . enters. JULIE Thank you. He grabs her suitcase. As she tries to wrestle it away. But I can tell you -. MARCEL. He DRAGS her back.
as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab.Ah.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -.Helga falls forwards. Shane lets go. He picks up his hand.. that landed on a diaper. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Mrs. Helga struggles to get him off. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . 27. against the counter. Plummer. Shane hangs up the phone. EXT. HOUSE . Duty. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. (covering the phone. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door..everything's fine.. and Shane falls back. Helga scampers out the door. Mrs. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. CRUNCH.. Just doing my. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Plummer.
in the rear window. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. The 28. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. to find the kids are all gloomy.SHANE Rises. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him.. we're just gonna have some more big fun.. if she loves you. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.. listen up.Helga jumps in the cab.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. takes a deep breath and strides inside. SHANE Okay. Then -. baby cries.. There's been a change of plans. HOUSE . . ANGLE . INT. defeated. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. dumbfounded. she'll come back. In the meantime. He drops his head.he slowly glances up. Helga glares back. ANGLE .
Using the tools as chopsticks. repelled. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. 29. holding his nose. CLOSE-UP .. Nobody will help. nice moment. Only then can we rise to the challenge. And then -. Pure self-preservation. INT.it flops open.SHANE He gulps. HEY! Even Peter runs. your enthusiasm. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER..MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. inundated. SShane GROANS. everyone bolts from the room. BATHROOM .ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Until -. All for one. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE Whoa. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. I'm Navy. . he cautiously unfastens the diaper. takes a deep breath.
.he can't do it. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. I think you're cute.) Thank you. HALLWAY . INT.SHANE The things I do for my country. he looks around for a solution. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. then FLUSHES. SHANE (unsure how to respond. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Aghast. she just stares at him. She follows. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Lulu follows at his heels. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. over and over and over. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.. like a puppy. Lulu doesn't go away. he looks down to see Lulu. LULU Hi. Shane tries approaching -. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. 30. Lulu is in her pj's. .
in beddibye land. Shane smiles. INT. and patrols.BREAKFAST . and shuts off her light. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. Todd." dubious. all the kids asleep.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. The Kids stare at "breakfast. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in.Shane walks room to room. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. proud of his accomplishment.it's time for you take a nappypoo. . Shane breathes a sigh of relief. The kids sit down at their designated spots. KITCHEN . All the lights are out. 31. I can get lots more of those. little girl. pulling down the shades on every window. And I've survived off this stuff for months. like he's an idiot. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu looks at him.
all for one.. trying to hear over the screaming. I can cross my eyes..is not here to take care of you now. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. Peter stands in his chair.. Wanna see? Negative. one for all.. So -. (then:) Yes. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. you stay in. you go out. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. We're gonna pull together.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. Shane sighs.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. If I say in.. dancing. . LULU . And the phone rings. ladies. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Shane turns to Lulu.. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. ZOE He's only two. if I say out.. too. Your mama -. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games..here's how it's gonna be. Peter starts bawling.. He runs away. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Shane answers. then at Tyler -..who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. crying. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.
ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .a death defying. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. EXT.. legal guardian. He hangs up.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. yes. and at that . 32 SHANE Plummer residence. It hits ZERO. It just doesn't add up.. dramatically unveiling Shane. The Minivan skids completely sideways. backwards at sixty m. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. Zoe smiles at him. Shane fumbles with it for a while. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.p.. GARAGE .M. With your . you and Todd are expelled. innocently. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.. He said if you're late again.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. A big suburban school. sir.. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Oh. perfect parallel park. INT.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. GARAGE .. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. Across his chest. I know it's Monday. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. INT.h. into a TINY parking spot -. LULU We're gonna be late. SHANE Not on my watch.9:29 A.. EXT.." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. He wants to see you in his office. Thank you.
moment. Top to bottom. The Kids crack up.. Lieutenant. V. They're the worst students in my school. He glares at Shane. Well. assured. He withers. Duane. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. they needed a parole officer. He's HUGE and mean. . conduct and truancy. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. holding Peter on a harness. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. She's attractive. Looks like Mrs. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. Out of twenty-three. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. whatever work you can get. boy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. tough. You're in my house now. too. Murney is unimpressed. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. son? SHANE Wolfe. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). I coach wrestling. as he plays on the floor. I'm Murphy..P in charge of discipline. Plummer finally listened. The Kids are seated around him. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. a few days. mortified. Shane. K thru 12. Murney is furious.
confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Get moving. (then. 34. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.two little red DOTS move away. The teens hustle off to their classes. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. impressed. The opens the door for Murney. I am in charge of. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining.and suddenly reacts. that as vice principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I think I can handle this from here. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Red 2. Lieutenant. What are you doing in my office. Claire sees this -. Shane checks his TRACKER -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. SHANE Red 1.. BELL rings. fuming.Good morning kids. Principal Claire eyeballs him. He exits.. as he casually holds the three kids. You see. Plummer. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. She told me all about you. Good. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Plummer called my captain. Mrs. staring him up and down.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant...
JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. SHANE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. The 35. SHANE "Honor. Welcome aboard. She lifts her pants leg. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". dead serious. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Courage. and the way I run my school.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE Can't be too careful.. Claire looks nervously around. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground... Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. On the spot. Service paid for my college. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. to balance Shane.MID-MORNING seeShane. Just try not to frighten the children.. SHANE . So. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.(Shane nods. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS... revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. That's the way I live my life.
in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Todd. Zoe. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. delighted. Shane closes the computer.. CAFETERIA . yanks his hood over his head.O. like a tether ball.Clean as a whistle. picks up a pair of binoculars. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Save us both a world of pain. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. INT. does the same.last time: Open the hanger. Now -. turns her back to him embarrassed. one.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. He checks his tracking device. SHANE Give up now. 36 .. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Official Business. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.V. Beside Shane. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Black Hawk coming in. Todd. He turns to the person front of him. BINOCULARS P. .O. in line to get lunch.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. two.. with stern intensity.V. sitting in the back row of a class.
but you're pretty good at this. Tyler laughs. Shane sighs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -.. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. Seriously.. SHANE Hey -.) Shane. .Tyler gurgles. Mr. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. (she looks at his chair) Well. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.I out rank you. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -.. you don't. You're on dry land. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. ignoring him. with milk. He yanks Tyler away from him. I'm impressed. A whole day. Claire smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.. man. When you agreed to serve your country. lieutenant. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Sure. I guess. not so dry where you're sitting. Oh. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. you know.. Principal Claire smiles. 37. (she toasts. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. huh? Shane gives her a look. Can I call you Shane? ..
RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. VP Murney is watching. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.. Personally . impressed. MURNEY You heard the lady. (Todd) 38. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. unusual. Murney smirks.. LUNCH-LINE .. in the crowd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. I don't care who starts it. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. but not stopping it. INT.. cheering. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. As soon as they see the Principal. Zoe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. and "punches fists" with him. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. next week's tournament is off. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring.That's. Look at him. the crowd freezes. MURNEY He did.
. SHANE . sir. SHANE . The Bell rings. MURNEY Oh.. Don't even think it. Murney.Todd lands on his feet. 39 . yeah. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team.I'm a black belt myself. man. He'd kill you so fast. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. the crowd breaks up. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. That's right. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Sorry. Frogman -. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. stopping an inch from Shane's head. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Maybe you could stop by practice.I think that's a little harsh. Murney approaches Shane.total control.. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. (low. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. I'm on duty. flinch. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.. Nice moves. Todd lunges at him. Boys'll be boys. sticking the landing. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. what do you say? Come on. MURNEY Pretty slick. Maybe some other time then. promise I'll go easy on you. .. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder..
40. Then Shane smells what she means -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. SCHOOL HALLWAY . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . Have fun. Tyler is crying. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Bathroom's down the hall. It leads him to a door.. Panicked. Shane recoils in disgust.Tyler's diaper is full. Lt. Emergency! SHANE INT.. Just then. doing a shoulder roll. following his tracking device..INT. The Principal strolls up.. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . SHANE Oh -. But. Roger that. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He bursts though it. holding Tyler out like a grenade. INT.change him. Peter is asleep in his shoulder.. for one who'll eat. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. minus taxes. as he keeps watch. another dollar twenty.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Not my job.. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. and not cry.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.CONTINUOUS . aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. Uh.
EXT. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. EXT. He hands her to the Principal. Lulu is in front of the class.the Class applauds. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. 41. HALLWAY . He speeds away after them. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. through the fence. with the Panic Button in her hand.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. racing down the road ahead of Shane. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. are heading away from the school fast. They make a sharp right. He leaps out of the minivan. BUSY INTERSECTION . almost tipping the minivan.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. Shane lands in fight stance -.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. At that moment. Thanks. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE EXT. EXT. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. He blasts through a red light.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. I INT. Shane is furious. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. but the FINAL BELL rings. Shane makes a right. CONSTRUCTION SITE .CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.
they hear the front door open. He catches his breath.SHANE He's alone.LIVING ROOM . No sweat. then checks his tracker. feet away. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. Shane trudges through the river of muck. then checks the tracker -. Shane lowers himself down.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. IN THE MANHOLE . INT. From outside. Shane pries off the manhole cover. He takes a deep breath and dives under. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.It's dark and dank. and the sound of OMINOUS. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Shane easily takes them out. He winces. all brandishing tools. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. It's horrific. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.section.then RUN.the DOTS are CLOSE. Three Workers rush him. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. . SEWER . ANGLE . and charges through.then gasps -. you're about to get a beat down.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. SQUISHY footsteps.
LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. he doesn't say anything. INT. If you need anymore help. Todd stiffens. 16 year old female. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. .. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.p. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.. Ditto. . 43 INT. She practically GAGS as she passes him. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. KITCHEN . weird hair. use our nonemergency number. thank you.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. revealing Shane.Then the door swings open. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself.LATER Shane is in the shower. then covers their noses. Covering her nose. The smell is BAD. looking like a Swamp Creature. Zoe checks him out as he goes.. The Cop looks at them. Everyone gasps. Zoe fixes her hair. Call.b. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. with a smirk. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. The Cop leaves. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. INT. The Cop turns to Shane. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine... BATHROOM . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. BACK YARD .
INT. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . If we don't sell enough cookies. and whistle.a dozen little girls in uniforms. SHANE (O. it's Monday. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. they're staring at him.Shane enters. And it's not like I have any other friends. FAMILY ROOM . Monday. Lulu starts to sniffle.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.. (whispers:) Come on. pulling Lulu after him. cringing in disgust.) Get rid of them. 4. The Brownies applaud. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.all junk food..S. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. in just a towel. He sees on the fridge. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. close to tears. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. LULU I can't. You gotta help me out. Mom's our den mother. LULU We have to. Shane. 4 . He looks at it. They already think I'm a loser. They won't be home `til ten. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. we can't go the Jamboree.
back in "uniform. SHANE Good. INT. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.wait here. ladies. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. INT. Zoe's on the phone. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. ZOE'S BEDROOM .. then drills it into place. INT. BROWNIE Den Mother? .he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. the other to his back. Tonight.. getting ready to go. Shane blows passed her. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something.." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.. do as I say.Lulu's about to burst into tears.MOMENTS LATER Shane.. Here's how it's gonna be. LIVING ROOM . ZOE . I'm scared of you.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. at attention. Shane sighs. . He's not just locking them -.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. I'm gonna be your den -commander.. he's a total psycho. yeah. They are assembled. Now -. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. unpacking boxes of cookies.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. SHANE Alright. Indian Style. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. KITCHEN .
Snack packs. Zoe picks up the phone.PARKING LOT .AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. but if anything happens.5. INT. ZOE .. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. No. (she listens:) Hm.nothing even looks like food.. EXT. Tyler looks at him -. 4 EXT. NOTHING looks familiar -. Scott. he's got us on lock-down. nuts?" EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. He smiles. as he pushes a cart into the store. GROCERY STORE . SHANE I gotta get supplies... GROCERY STORE ."what are you. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. hits speed-dial..CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.. DRIVEWAY . I dunno if that's a good idea.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. but they're ... colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. GROCERY STORE . He sees: a huge. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE .. the camera CRANES up to. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM... it's like Oz or something. I can see you through the window. EXT.
. The Cub Scouts high-five. EXT. I haven't seen anybody. chubby CUB SCOUTS. One The Brownies take off running. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. He rips it open. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.noticing very shy. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. GROCERY STORE . and lets her go. but can't get away.. One of the Brownies spots something. Finally. menacingly. clutching their boxes. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.she tugs and tugs. He laughs. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. In their place are the Chubby Scouts... they're back.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . They're headed straight towards the cookie table. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. .MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. you Skeever? . of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. before I get my face punching badge on you.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.
BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. He firmly tells Lulu. Where? SHANE INT. Not cookies. EXT.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. 47. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Around his neck. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Get in the car. PARKING LOT .A LITTLE LATER . and points at Lulu's Panic button. we're going home. I'm here to protect you. CHUCK E. Cheese MANAGER. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Shane's monitor starts beeping. The Brownies scream.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. CHEESE . He wears . He heads toward the Scouts. If I don't come back -avenge my death. you're supposed to take us to dinner. He bends down. trembling.22's.2ND SCOUT Nope.
..braces and head-gear. the Chuck E. Lulu approaches. Cheese! Wider reveals.. playing video games and ball. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. The Manager approaches Shane. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. This much The Manager laughs.. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. . MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. skee Brownies are running around. this much cyanide. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. A LITTLE LATER: 48. Shane's watching Peter. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. Cheese automaton band JAMS. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. which causes him to lisp. On stage.CHAOS..
The second round starts. He's really mad. then kicks him in the face. He steps up to the machine. stretches. spins her. LULU The Hulk can.. then cracks her in half over his knee. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Lulu picks a small female character. and then a kick in the face. Shane is taking it really seriously. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. I thought you liked combat.. kneels on his head. My joystick's broken.LULU I pressed two player. He cracks his knuckles. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. SHANE That's not fair. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. . Shane even get one punch in -. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Unless you're scared.she pins him to the ground. He checks over his shoulder -. Nobody can jump thirty feet.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Round three starts. They begin. Then he a joy stick. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks.
ZOE . INT.. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Shane's working the joy stick hard. leaving the sizzling machine.stop worrying. She keeps dancing. HOTEL ROOM ... she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. but he can't hit her. the Zhouse is quiet.. 50.take a shot. jumping. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING..CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. its joystick dangling by its wires. come on -.. Shane's really fuming. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. swinging and missing. It's really annoying..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. dancing. He is KO'd.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. ZOE Mom -.. PLUMMER HOUSE . LULU Too slow. slamming buttons. LULU You're not even trying...LIVING ROOM . swing and a miss.. it's my job to worry. while he pounds the buttons.. He and the Brownies sneak away. Sparks fly. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. oops too slow. Lulu's having fun now.
.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. MALL PARKING LOT . this is outta hand. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. The guy's just a control freak.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). counting them. ZOE I know. ZOE Dude. ZOE Dude. EXT. everything's cool. up.LIVING ROOM . She turns to Scott.Seriously. I hate leaving you. we're okay.. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. VARIOUS SHOTS . Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. not cool. Don't worry. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .The Plummer House: . kids everywhere. And the folks who read my BLOG. loads Brownies into the minivan. Tonight I'm just doing homework -.. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. PLUMMER HOUSE . I love you. but you know I have to do this. who doesn't seem concerned at all.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. INT. Zoe rolls her eyes. JULIE It's only a few more days.in my cell. 51.
INT. He charges across the room with the diaper. Suddenly.LATER .Move. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. Whoa. MANAGER Relax. Silence.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.they almost always do. SUBURBAN ROAD . is fine. The Manager is watching him. and goes down for the diaper. move.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.not okay. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. CHEESE . CHUCK E. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA.. Shane grimaces. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. Not okay. the Brownies follow. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. He holds his breath. S 52. to leave a man behind like that. freestyling in the ball pool -... out away from him. He disappears under the balls -. SHANE .. We see what he forgot: PETER. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. He's holding the diaper. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.for a long time. He's still down there. gasping.. again. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. SHANE Inexcusable. move! Go go! EXT.
peeing in the bushes.'s turntables.and groans in disbelief. a total wreck.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. at a full run. jocks throwing footballs. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. windows. Peter and Tyler up the path. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. then RUN. CLUB lock off the door. chugging drinks. He gets out -. as he pulls up in the Minivan. INT.. making out.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse.then CRUSHES the ball. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Outraged. trying to understand. Reeling. PLUMMER HOUSE . I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. Shane takes Lulu.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.. Scott. Now. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. we're gonna do this .. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE .. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. 53. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. vents..NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Party's over.J. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.KITCHEN . scared. Shane snatches it mid-air -...then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.
He holds it up to a KID. mopping.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. ladies. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Shane goes over them. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. Oh my god.. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. Clean. trying to maintain his dignity. It reads: GHOST. He fumes. Scott and Zoe.. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. he takes it off. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.then he notices something. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . CUT EXT.. PLOP. furiously clean. Miserable TEENS scrub. Scott gulps . as kids clean. In a bathroom.. Shane's eyes narrow. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. He lifts the sofa. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. He hands Scott the mop. straightening -.no highway option.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. and walk out of sight.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . residue.my way -. INT. They see Shane find the CD. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.CONTINUOUS . PLUMMER HOUSE . labeled with a Sharpie. INT. in Playtex gloves.
ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops.. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. outside the bathroom door. and screams in Shane's face. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. CUT TO: EXT. Shane . INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . shaky and furious. ZOE . Todd picks her up. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. downstairs! He walks down the hall. Thanks a lot. she pukes again. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. He heads upstairs. Lulu's crying. ueasy. After a beat. Zoe blows past him -. Shane hands her a handkerchief.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott's the last one to leave. you hate us.. Shane stands. Zpounding on doors. Because you have no respect for yourself. My friends will never come here again. (Announces:) Company. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Rambo.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you..VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. They show no respect for you or your house. helpless. You're like a robot. Zoe gets up. ZOE I do too respect myself.into the bathroom. sits down. where she throws up. furniture polished.
the power goes out.. talking doesn't do any good. pounding him with their . It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Don't worry. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. TWO NINJAS. They leap down after him. I'm not the man for this job. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. I'm gone.55.. Not even from the enemy.hand it over! staffs. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Wielding with great skill. Suddenly -. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. He goes down. tired) It's Scott.. Go to your rooms.. NINJA GHOST -. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. SHANE You're right. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. as soon as your mom comes back. all in black BURST in through the window.they're good. SHANE Puberty. fiercely -. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Suddenly. close-quarters and fast. Red 1.. Shane spins in fight-stance.the three fight.. The Ninjas attack.
knocking him into. Shane runs to the changing table.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. SHANE Okay -.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. The Ninjas move towards him -. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. facing them.. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. PLAYROOM ..the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. Shane crashes down. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. several FURBIES hit the floor. Shane fends the Ninjas off. toys fly.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. a squeezes . it makes a silly thunk.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. 56 INT. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. and uses them both to fend off blows. and flings them all over the floor.. fiercely. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. avoiding Legos. He pulls the string. . With his foot.then the Ninjas charge. They step back. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. WHACK. blinding him..until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. he hits a Ninja in the head. and grabs it.
The cloud dissipates. Shane bangs the window sill. Todd and Zoe enter. terrified. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. TODD Who were they? What did they want..then the door creaks open.SHANE 57. He sprays it in Shane's face. It's okay. Shane isn't sure what to do. and Shane sees he's now alone. quietly knocks. . that your father invented. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. HALLWAY .. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. disappointed to have lost them. You can open up.. He runs to the broken window. SHANE Shhh. He hugs them. INT. Then..? SHANE They're looking for a program. Shane approaches Zoe's door. He really hugs them. blinded. Kids.. He A long pause -.. SHANE It's safe. bawling. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. he hugs Peter and Lulu..SECONDS LATER Composing himself. He squints. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. fearful. ANGLE ... ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. SHANE I'm not going anywhere..Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.
They want this. eye to eye. startled. The kids shudder. absolutely nothing pottery .. Zoe answers it.. They hug him tighter.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. INT.. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. Shane offers his hand to shake.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Shane is furious -. Then. the other kids join in.then they hug him.they all jump. you listen to me.. Soon. CLOSE-UP . He looks Zoe.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. too.. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. 58. SHANE They're not after you. it's been a long night. Then. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. And I'm not going anywhere. Deal? Truce -.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. as long as I'm here. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. From now on." And then. But nothing's gonna happen to you.. I'll listen to you too. "Unchained Melody. They shake -. and do what I say. all smiles. LIVING ROOM . even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. relieved. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.a long pause.
everyone's fine. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.. But we're not sure what it is. and Shane emerges with the five kids. We found something in the box.happened you should worry about.it's okay.MORNING Early morning. Don't worry -.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. Nope.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59.. two men tried to get into the house tonight... Shane takes the phone. Plummer. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SHANE Mrs. students run in to school. SHANE No .. HOTEL ROOM . . EXT. It looks like some kind of "key". INTERCUT: INT.. yes and no. You have any luck? JULIE Well. She holds up the strange. The minivan pulls up. We just don't know what its for. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. metal two pronged KEY. They were looking for GHOST. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. but they didn't find it. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. SHANE (very genuine) .we'll be just fine. SCHOOL . They're gone.
. LULU'S CLASSROOM .MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Zoe sits in a folding chair. then BRAKES.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Principal Claire next to him. He dips an INT. SHANE Don't worry. then BRAKES. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. ANGLE on Shane. Lulu's classmates all chant. she wrecked a driver's Ed. shaking his head. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. and smiles at Shane.. An obstacle course with cones. sunglasses on. Shane nods. I know it's good.DAY Driver's Ed. reacting each time she HITS the gas. EXT. a crazed TEACHER next to her. He is gesticulating.INT.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). who sits in the back. Peter 60 She smiles. "yeah. They look concerned. squashed at a little desk. mortified. making a mess of an egg. LULU'S CLASSROOM ." Then. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. SCREAMING. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . MURNEY .. THE GYM . egg in some purple dye. Murney stands. car -. ANGLE on Lulu.. Shane stands off to the side. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. So. HITS the gas. . in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.she'll pay for the damage.
Murney calls into the hallway. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. what do you expect. Zoe shrugs. . and I'm not sure what to do. No. 61.. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. it's not that -. Shane gives Zoe a look.I'm a bit concerned. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.) See if you can talk to the boy. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. And that's not all. Todd and Zoe stand to go.. and Shane walks them out.it's the boy. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. But this.. He does always miss sixth period. giving him a "skinhead" look. what's going on. (pulls Shane aside. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. Shane stops.. but -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return.but this is just sick.yes.. I was doing a little recon in his locker. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.. boys will be boys -. Shane scowls. SHANE He's not a NAZI..That? Lady drivers... Todd enters.
and Murney chases after him. Without warning. SHANE Another time. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. and leaves. Kung team: Shane walks away. stretching. kicking him in the BACK. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. I'll show you a couple moves.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. if you ask me. huh? (Shane ignores him. Shane. Shane walks the kids out.. maybe. I promise I won't hurt you. and keeps walking. we'll give these boys a treat. Murney laughs. Shane trips forwards to his knees.that whole family's no good. MURNEY You're a good man.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. and leaps at Shane. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . MURNEY It's a date then. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. 62.. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. SHANE I'll talk to him. as he passes.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.
and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. He sees Zoe. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Nothing. Keep all doors sealed. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's small for him. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. and snickers to his Team. you're in charge. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. running around the corner. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. On the corner. so the alarm didn't go off.far down the block. Todd runs towards the house.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. preheat the oven. keeping the contact. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. It looks like Shane might fight. TODD'S ROOM . but he . SHANE Wait Todd. Shane screws the window shut. but instead he takes a deep breath. EXT. The window is wide open. with a flowered basket. Shane hops out the window. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. he can see Todd. He starts to shut the window. signal me. I want to talk to you.shakes Shane turns back. Murney his head. peering out her window. It's pink. do your homework. SHANE Smart kid. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Shane looks out the window -. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Shane parks. He enters. and leaves.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door...
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. He smiles... SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.. weird or something? 66 ..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever... Todd looks devastated -. Shane's glare.... Shane shakes his head. show's off. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. it's over. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. LIESL We don't have a director.. they're not sure what to do. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. SHANE COMPANY -. TODD . Liesl chimes in. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. BEAT. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Shane looks at the Cast. Todd looks up at Shane... girls'll think I'm. Shane straightens up. or not? Everyone nods. they quickly assemble on stage.. Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.What if.
INT. It's stupid. He hears Zoe in her room.. I won't touch him. I promise.. He peeks in -.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY ... I called him in his room. ZOE . No wait! . INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . YES WHAT? SHANE . I don't know why I let it get to me.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.LATER .. angrily. Shane exits...just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. LULU'S ROOM . 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. He turns out the light. furious... SHANE Okay. BREAKING something.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.Yes. another girl picked up the phone. SHANE .. I know it's no big deal. Scott.
I 6 . ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. As Shane finishes the story. Stumped. Went into the magic forest. He sits on the bed. on Lulu's floor. To find a secret gnome. facility.Uh.. Uranium.. setting up the scene with DOLLS. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.. he illustrates. The elves had to go in and take it out. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -... Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Let's see. and they came in from the north. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. So -they waited for cloud cover. the little Elf family -.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive..Shane tucks Lulu into bed.. Once there was a family of Elves... By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. ULU Tell me a story. (MORE) T S L 8.. Shane looks at her surprised.
.. SHANE Oh..mean standing. and do the Panda Dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. The wails get louder and LOUDER.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. TODD You have to do the dance. He made it up for him. S 69. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Lulu's fallen asleep. Peter starts bawling. Todd calls from the doorway.. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Even. lower than the floor.. Shane sighs.Rodriquez. c'mon. Peter WAILS. Then. from across the hall.. and whispers to Peter. or he won't stop. the teeniest little elf of all -.. head in the door.. INT... TODD I'll write it down for you. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. And you ain't got a chance. NURSERY . Like dad used to do... I can't remember that thing. We got `em all... Shane doesn't know what's wrong..
Chun gets his paper. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. T the A 70.THE NEXT DAY As Mr..MORNING . SHANE Today you drive. terrified. (Tyler in the snuggle).. Peter applauds. mortified. GARAGE . with her Gameboy. Chun. She gets out in shock. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Lulu is next to him. and gets in the driver's seat. They turn to Zoe. Humiliated. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. He sings again. through the mirror. The Kids sit bolt upright.) EXT. Shane hops forward three times. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane crab-walks sideways. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.Shane sighs. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.. He does the dance as he sings. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. just like the crabs do. (He does. Shane. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane turns and catches Mr.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. . staring.. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT.
no.. jerkily. The Kids share a dubious look. but trying not to show it. Shane is nervous. Zoe backs jerkily out. Shane is shaky. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. INT. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Exactly.I can't even pass driver's Ed. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Touched. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.... MINIVAN . Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Zoe is surprised.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. not the road. Keep going..ZOE But -. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. S P . I trust you. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. She pulls out.
She's wearing a cute dress. the kids gulp and orderly march away.. Chastened. hey head into the school. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Shane unclenches his teeth.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Before Scott knows what's happened. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . severe stare) Now. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). And the other Kids all bolt from the car. CAFETERIA . Very funny. Next lesson. being obnoxious. laughing. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. and a little make-up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. INT.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Claire strides into view. Shane jumps out of the car. SHANE Good.71. 1500 hours..Claire BARKS out. with a few FRIENDS. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. ZOE Ha ha ha.. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Shane spots something. Scott's terrified. Shane's . Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Zoe smiles. Shane lets him down and heads into school. terrified. EXT. Suddenly -.. KIDS boisterously run past. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. trembling. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground.
there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. too. Shane leaps over the table." In one move. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.. Principal Claire sighs "not again. impressed. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Love it when he does that. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . dragging .. S he sits beside him. She smiles. something. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. She's waiting for him to say. Shane`s not so good at small talk.. you never know who you're going to run into. S T P . Wow. SHANE hey eat in silence...eyes alight. It's a miracle. and offers him a milk. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well.. sailor? Thanks. him by the ear. Suddenly. He smiles back.
Murney shoves Todd forward. I quit. Murney. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. . What're you so scared of. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Todd looks. Silence. Then: TODD I am not scared.. No one's sure they heard him right... MURNEY Winners never quit. intimidated. TODD Hey.. I want to sing. I'm right here. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. M 73. I. Freak? The Students snicker. MURNEY I've had it. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Murney gets up in Shane's face. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. It opens Friday. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. boy. Murney turns around. now it all makes sense. Talk. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Yeah I do. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.
and then a mob of Students.Shane steps them. So calm. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. furious -URNEY So -. M urney looks over at the Team. Murney looks around. swarm Todd. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. TODD There is a man in my house -. They look to the ground sheepishly. There is a stunned moment -. Todd's telling the truth. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. protecting him. taking flyers. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Murney did not expect to be called out. The Gym. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. The whole team wants to quit.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Everyone is watching. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. He storms out.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.it reads: . His voice cracks -. humiliated. it's scary S 74. Your ass is mine. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.face to face. You suck. You win.me. Let's do it.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school.
his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. and sweeps Murney -. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. rushes Shane. 3:00. WHAM. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Todd cheers Shane on. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. shocked. M URNEY on. Murney.sending him right into the wall. Murney lands on his back. Todd flops to the mat. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat.BAM. and they head out. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. hard. S 75.3:00 mat. Shane side-steps. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. quietly twitching on the ground. grabs onto Murney's waist. The bleachers are PACKED. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. GYM . Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. mumbling something."Murney's getting his ass kicked." INT. Murney bounds to his feet. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE .
I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . When I Rwanda. TO: EXT. TODD That was awesome. . No brownies edible. If you're not sure. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. BUGS. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. I got my troops waiting. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. Todd. The crowd cheers. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. They walk out. too. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable.Dislocated nerve. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. She gives him a thumbs up. 76 SHANE either. FOREST . Claire. fascinated. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. that's all. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. LULU We're Brownies. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life.
.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. The Duck watches all this -.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. KICK. the Girls PUNCH. EXT. NURSERY .. PUNCH. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. here. she burns rubber.we'll put Von Trapps here.she hits EVERY ONE -. PUNCH. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. The Kids don't get it. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. INT.. He illustrates the stage directions. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. He signals her. In unison. KICK.FRONT LAWN . Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. MALL PARKING LOT . She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. in perfect tempo. Zoe . and. he reaches out and rocks it.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Shane holds a stopwatch. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.. in between punches. MALL PARKING LOT . here at the top of the stairs.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.fascinated. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.. He laughs at his own joke. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT." INT.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. OLD FACTORY . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.
They watch closely. she only clips one. your life little girl. but doesn't fall. MALL PARKING LOT . T I E 77. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.3. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.out and weaves the cones... Shane gives her a signal.DAY -"1. in we WIDEN back. blur. Hands a T . EXT.2. mercilessly. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. it teeters. He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. The Brownies attack. PLUMMER HOUSE ..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. ODD .. EXT. NURSERY .. EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.FRONT LAWN . OLD FACTORY . ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. INT.BACK YARD ." Lulu.
Shane is so touched. Peter. THUD! Gazelle. Graceful. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Peter. NURSERY . MONTAGE ENDS EXT. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Todd tries the kick. He kisses Peter on the forehead.huh? Now. daddy. SHANE I'm not your daddy. INT. But sweet dreams.hard. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Again. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. he almost bursts into tears. Peter Panda. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. 8. adding a James Brown flourish. but blows it. now and then. odd tries the spinning kick. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. He does a spin kick." Singing and doing all the moves -.he's got it down.EVENING . From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Graceful.
. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. wearing the double snuggle. the Other Scouts are scared. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. INT.they LAUGH.he sees. the Chubby Cub Scouts. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. striking a cool pose. 9. he lands on the ground hard. but like lightning. see them. S SHANE That's my troop. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. at their own table. The Scouts share a look -. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.MOMMY! She lets him go -.in a FLIP. she wraps it around his arm. tying him. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. proud. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. scary. The Scout struggles. Across the lot. The .CONTINUOUS Shane shops. In one move. As he's comparing prices -. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. He smiles. You're gonna have to pay for that. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. FORMATION.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
talking excitedly.SHANE He's left alone. WITH: J INT. we're on the first plane in the morning. Shane answers it. INT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . the kids are all abuzz. A tear runs down Zoe's face.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. ANGLE .MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. OE I never even got to say good bye. HALLWAY . BACK YARD . happy. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.soldier. J 82. The phone rings. EXT. HOTEL .
. SHANE Just another assignment. Kids to play S . GARAGE . Shane turns. No reason for personal attachments. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Shane sighs morosely. he Duck stares. with. hane rises. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Suddenly.The house is dark. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sits in a lawn chair. your wings aren't clipped. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. He pets the Duck. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. unblinking. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. the Duck starts quacking..NIGHT hane turns the light on. Three squares a day.
..SHANE What happened. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. INTERC UT: B harder.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Shane dials a phone. DISSOLVE INT. we see a CRANK WHEEL. shines it down the grate. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. only It's solid and inscrutable. He tries muscles rippling. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. and then it gives.. crack the lock all night. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. TO: to S 84. . Shane looks on stunned. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. No hinges or cracks. leading below the garage.. Nothing.. The wheel spins. Lulu hands him a tool. The Kids are watching his progress. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. The break in its surface is a strange.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. He's been trying. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.. GARAGE . Shane steps down it. he floor opens. INT. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. unsuccessfully.
GHOST. GARAGE . BILL . TO: INT.Lulu. sir. We'll be there shortly -.. MRS. excited. It's in a steel vault.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. TO: INT.. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Do you have it? SHANE No. An ominous pause. GARAGE . Okay. relieved. Through a window.. CHUN CUT BACK . Everyone reacts happily... I think I found GHOST. After we turn this in to my CO. he answers it.don't do anything `til I get there. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Bill reacts. and hangs up. Except for -. She looks stricken. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. don't do anything further.. SEDAN . W e PUSH INTO the house. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. can't crack it. I've been trying all night.EXT. Bill's cell phone rings. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. pleased.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. towards the neighbor's house. Julie sits beside him.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Away from Shane. Silently spying on Shane.
V. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. he has no answer. so they probably trashed the place. I 85. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. LULU But. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music)..O. The rug is vacuumed.SHANE He goes silent. JULIE'S HOUSE . filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. in shock. HOUSE . comes into the dark hall. KIDS VOICES . Kids singing a beautiful.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Tongue-tied. The fish tank is clear. She trails off. Lulu? You should be happy.they hear. SHANE You guys better get ready... Bill is carrying her suitcases. INT. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.: The house is spotless. J JULIE'S P. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Shane -. should be home soon.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .. in the next room. Julie and Bill hop out.
She sees. mom. 8 JULIE almost faints. Julie goes to the. ( B 6. Lieutenant. picture- . Zoe is in a conservative dress.(singing. The Kids rush forward and hug her. for a thousand years. INT. Lulu has bows in her hair.. Julie starts bawling. then salutes back) Good job. She staggers to. a capella) . Across the room.. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops... ZOE Welcome home. S SHANE Captain. smiling. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. featuring Todd.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Bill steadies her.. with songs they have sung. Shane sees Bill enter. INT. DINING ROOM . Dumb-struck.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. BILL (he smiles wryly.. Peter is fresh faced. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. KITCHEN .. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. no dishes in the sink..
DAY Shane leads Bill inside. anywhere you want. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. Bill stops. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. Shane continues. Sir. Bill holds the pronged key. S S 87. GARAGE . all I've never known is the military. Don't get me wrong. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.INT. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . SHANE That's kind of you.. You just name it. And I think I want to explore that some more. ILL I'm really proud of you. pause) But I'll have to think about it. surprised. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. an ANGRY VOICE. reluctant. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. BILL I should hope not. Suddenly. Shane....
. startled. then passes out. hane takes control! He smiles. startled. B 88. Shane shoots Bill a glance. There were delays. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. he looks up as he drops.. Things are spinning.... Mr. He turns... Disoriented.Shane and Bill spin. MRS.when suddenly. Chun. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. reaching for Bill's key. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. . GUNS DRAWN. CLOSE-UP . KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Chun comes closer. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up... Shane puts his hands behind his head.SHANE Lights out.. and starts to fall. Shane peers in confusion.. He takes a submissive position. and Mrs. confused. SHANE'S POV woozy. while SLAMMING their heads together. Mrs. relishing a second of glory -. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. He is losing consciousness..
DAY Shane lies unconscious. The Kids are furious. and it CLICKS. reaching. livid. with two . then slides OPEN! enter. GARAGE . Chun) Keep an eye on them. scared. Charles trusted you. bright and white.. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Peter has a JUICE BOX. They whimper. JULIE I trusted you. NURSERY . You -. Beside the safe is a red switch. (to Mr. The floor is covered with square tiles.. The Korean Man (Mr.BLACK. 9. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. The door HUMS. They anxiously tiptoe. INT. tied up.. Chun approach the steel door. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. He GAGS the kids.with me. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. exit. closing the window shades. Bill and Mrs. So did the Department of Defense. Bill checks the knots binding the children. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.. Inside is a dark corridor. FADE IN: INT. INT.. 8 Bill grins. Bill and Mrs. Chun) secures the room. ILL North Korea pays better.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. They THE VAULT! Spare.. Julie glares. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.
she hits her panic button! O. completely SINGED OFF.. but the of her jacket is on fire. Tyler GASPS. quickly assuming a fake bound position. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. INT.needing a distraction. MRS. MR..which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. BEEPING. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat.. off shoulder eyebrows. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. then leans back against Zoe. she unties Zoe! Then -. the Chun spins..and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Chun is Bokay. horrified -. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. had eyebrows. But behind her back. low-pitched HUM. HOUSE . Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Mr. Chun guards the kids. then Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. Lulu frowns. eyeballing them icily.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. startled -.. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. CHUN Just.. Lulu "looks" scared. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . He sneers. CHUN But I've got some C4. It's set on ARMED.the Kids look innocent. MRS. like a monstrous computer. She confidently strides toward the safe -.S. With a rapid blur of finger-work. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me.SAME TIME Mr. as if she hadn't moved. Mr. Mrs. The air is filled with an ominous. Bill eyes the safe. Chun whirls -. done.
Mr. snake-like move. Chun's face. she KICKS him right in the nuts. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. when he's at her level. Lulu runs. Chun's leg. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up... Chun looks at Lulu. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Mr. Chun laughs: MR. CHUN That's cute.. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun's head. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. They untie Julie. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. . HAM without warning.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.W Z 90. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. he steps closer. BEHIND TODD . slamming the door behind her. Skeptical. Mr.. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then. Chun scowls. It HURTS. Mr.
Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. making a small hole. clutching her! The . FRONT DOOR .CONTINUOUS Mr.. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.doorknob. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. Bill lurches into view.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. NURSERY ... INT. NURSERY . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . DONNGGG -. INT. but the door won't budge. He yells out furious! MR. his face COATED in white.. they're trapped inside. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Chun falls back from the door.. Chun punches the door. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.but as Julie exits. a HAND suddenly GRABS her.. She SCREAMS. He sticks his face out the hole.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. I INT. INT. Chun's face. M E M 91.
. MINIVAN . but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. ARGHH! driveway. Mrs.. then nod and run to the side garage. EXT.CONTINUOUS r. INT.kids are horrified. they're not going anywhere.. .I've got the keys. Chun listens to Mr. HOUSE . unsure. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. MR.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. She floors it..as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. HOUSE . Chun comes racing around the house -. speaking in Korean: RS. CHUN Chun falls. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. They start to run back. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. Chun THE RADIO.
INT. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. lying on the concrete.. oe runs a yellow. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb.Charles didn't tell me about the room..CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. a CRACKLING of static. INT. Mrs. Then. B . I wouldn't have killed him so soon. Don't make me kill you too. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. chilled. VAN .SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. GARAGE . They step past Shane's body. Chun exits the vault.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Julie GASPS. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. holding a military RADIO. gaining on them. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. It's getting old. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. leading her to the secret door. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.
he clicks "talk" on the radio. Chun zooming by. Bill uncuffs Shane. I'll get you in.. It's B risky. He does something we can't see. my husband has question: MR. MINIVAN . SHANE (O.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. ANGLE . EXT.Shane is standing in the doorway. Bring them back unharmed. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. to cut them off! INT.. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. ILL . as Zoe drives. don't hurt the kids. Then -. MRS. half on the sidewalk.. He tries to pass them on the right. ill eyes him. It's like a chariot race. The men stare down.SHANE They look over -. BILL Change of plan. everyone looks down. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code.DAY The vehicles race. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. just please don't hurt anyone. Do it. emotional. BUSY STREET . Surprised. ZOE .93. they might wreck.. Bill.) Bill.S.. CHUN Mr. Bill deciding if he can trust him.
CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Bill waits impatiently. Mr. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Peter laughs. M R. Chun off for a beat. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. It throws Mr. Chun SCREAMS. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Hair spray. In the van. . and loses control. Exasperated. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Chun with debris: milk cartons. She Mr.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.. Zoe looks over.What's taking you? 94.. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Mrs. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Lulu starts PELTING Mr.. crayons.. INT. triumphant. disoriented. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Chun ROLLS UP his window. SECRET VAULT .. Shane is figuring his options. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Mr. orange peels.. Mr.. Chun holds Julie. CRASH!! The kids cheer..
go get it -. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Bill laughs.now.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Todd. Shane steps forward.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase.. in pain. Shane leaps back. Sweat drips down Shane's face. sending him flying backwards. Watch. puzzled. . over one beam and ducking under another -. landing on his hands and knees. Lulu. Shane gets up. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane steps forward . confidently: J B B 95 . Peter. Shane SQUIRTS it.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. He speaks aloud. Tyler! Bill reacts.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.A bewildered beat -. BILL Code or no code. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. ill cocks his gun.
NOTHING HAPPENS. then back: smiles. He steps sideway.. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Bill and Julie share a look -. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. He takes a deep breath. just like the crabs do. NOTHING HAPPENS.. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. He thinks. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor)... SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. lower than the floor. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Again -. When you're down and low. Shane he steps forwards. across two tiles. Something she said. E 96 . not quite centered to the room.SHANE Shane's thinks. Julie relieved. . S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Shane LAUGHS sharply. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Shane feels the Groove in the floor. CLOSE-UP . He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. He feels the Groove. And you haven't got a chance. fearlessly.they have no idea what he's laughing about. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.
The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Use the gas. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. Don't follow me! .you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. 9 7. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. The Squad Car's lights flash on. his focus gone. EXT. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. When he steps back -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. 5-0. they're FLYING. he'd be toast.it takes a while. and he catches up with the minivan -. If he'd been standing.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. They have my mom. ZOE Come on. Zoe blows past it. and our bodyguard -. from the ceiling. Inside is the Cute Cop. not the brake. BUSY INTERSECTION .
EXT. nervously. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. and speeds back towards her house. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Suddenly. like there ain't no floor. She shakes her head. Claire frowns. sliding forward.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. I accept full responsibility. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. almost running it off road. PLUMMER BASEMENT .MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. It's acid. INT. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Then better jump quick. EXT. The Squad Car is on its tail. . It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. in a cloud of smoke. SCHOOL . SUBURBAN STREET . pool of liquid. My intelligence proved to be faulty. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.. is Mr. Squad Car turns around and chases her.. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by..the The She swerves into the Squad Car. the Minivan SPEEDS by. at a safe distance. Following the chase. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Zoe U-turns. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. NECK-BRACE. concerned. but if I had more resources. 98..
. and jumps back. Bill signals for Mrs. He's relieved -. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. pulling Julie along. He flips the switch to DISARMED. The safe's red light turns green. BILL Thank you. He holds his breath just in time. Bill looks around. almost done. You were always my best man. Whew. Chun follows. The Booby Traps are disarmed.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Immediately.and walks across the room. She gestures back: you go. Shane scowls. And you betrayed all of that. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. to the left of the HOLE. What do you say -. Finally. All that we stand for. disgusted. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill shrugs. to calm down) Almost done.." . if you're willing to join up. Nothing happens.he waves his hand over the floor. BILL I'll take that as a "no.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. The whole room goes SILENT. and jump to the left. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Mrs. I knew you'd figure it out. It's a stand-off. sir.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. 99. "Just hold your breath. Shane. Beat. He nervously steps forward . I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Bill takes a breath -." He jumps. Chun to go first.
SIZZLING.. Chun LEAPS onto his back. BILL (CONT'D) . You open it. legs! He's crazed. unrelenting. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.. BILL None requested.. her hair on end. hitting Bill's arms. I walked the floor first. Bill gestures to Mrs. I think you better open it. shaking from the voltage. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Bill LUNGES. Chun. then catches himself. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Mrs... Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. but Shane gazes coldly. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Something's not right. MRS. head. Shane reaches for the safe. . Shane shrugs. trying to read Shane's poker face. then PUNCHES him in the gut. and touches the dial. Reluctantly . But suddenly Mrs.Mrs. Relief. Chun doesn't budge. SHANE There will be no mercy. Full of himself. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.Bill turns to the safe.. Chun reaches out. Bill is off guard. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. She turns it. Nothing happens. He starts to reach for the dial. Bill is incensed.
. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. good night. The Police Cars .. delivering a series of hard punches.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. spin. OOF! Bill tumbles. kick. tottering. the wind knocked out of him. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. Shane COLD-COCKS her. unable to gain her balance. Suddenly. She smiles.O. which Shane deflects -. SHANE You're a. knocking her out..SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. He jumps to his feet. K. stumbles backwards across the room. terrible neighbor. It's clear the both have the same training. chase after. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. everyone is SCREAMING. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Leering mercilessly. saved. She catapults. PLUMMER'S STREET . Bill is charging him. Shane shakes his head. SHANE . and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters.! EXT. SIRENS wailing.BILL He steps over Shane.. landing on his back in front of the safe. Shane narrows his eyes. he drops and FLIPS her. IN THE VAN.they tangle like pro's. then whispers/sings. But he's unforgiving. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Shane tumbles. Say. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. ANGLE . Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Shane struggles to lose her. They punch. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. connecting only occasionally.
with their hands raised. The Kid spill out and run.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. then BRAKES. from the car.. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .. Cops surround them.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. smoke BURNING from the tires -. Shane steps out. She smiles at Shane. GHOST.SAME TIME Total commotion. Whoa.. Now we can go back to our peaceful.O. The kids clamber from the van.101. The garage door raises. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. then look in the safe: Inside. Shane gently removes it. SHANE . INT. It's finally over.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. Then -. The van SKIDS. SECRET VAULT . TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.and hits a tree. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. JULIE Thank you Shane. HOUSE .. grateful. They look in silence. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. But it's too late.
The Cops are unsure what to do. Numerous. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. helpless. Shane weighs his not so many options. triumphant. Chun stands inside the gate.. Silence. I suggest you call the FBI. Cops cover Shane and Julie. Zoe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. ZOE But. CHUN (O. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. uh. and grabs the MR. Julie and Shane Freeze. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Shane spins. Mr. as he turns his head.) HIT THE GROUND!!! ... you're in a lot of trouble. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Now. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.CUTE COP FREEZE. vaults onto Chun. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.S.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.a CRAZED SCREAM. officer. 10 2. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. MR. Nobody is sure what to do. He's disheveled and manic..a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence... He scoffs. Even Chun is amazed. But then -. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop..
You're a one-man battalion. ANGLE .I. F.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. AGENT Mr.I.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. F . watching the FBI Agents work. Agent.I. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. INT. he . GARAGE . swelling with pride.B. 103. COP I think I'll call the FBI.B. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.. SHANE Just doing my job.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.rocket launcher. Wolfe. Julie huddles with the kids. CLOSE-UP .. This chaos is unsolvable. then walks off. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. Shane examines it. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. PLUMMER HOUSE .B. CLOSE-UP . Shane talks with an F. reaches for his radio. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.I. that was nice work.LATER F. AGENTS swarm the area.B.
And to tell the truth. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Julie. Peter. SHANE .. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. Todd. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. then Julie found the key. and Julie notice. Summer's almost here. Does it itch? Yes.Maui? . LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.... What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Mock-angry. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. 104. I always have. He looks around: at the family. Zoe. and gather around.. On..Yes. Shane looks at her. He looks at Claire. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. from the safe. I don't know. Her siblings. The Plummers hug each other. here. a letter. I'm on dry land. Tyler. You tell me. You're the superior office. EXT. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . fallen onto the floor. A tear comes to her eye. I'm kinda. re-conning the situation.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Lulu -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.I want to say: I love you more than anything.... SHANE Well. She sees. say -..
For everything. P ETER Love you. He starts to head off. Guess you have to go now. She puts out her hand. Thank you. Your work here is through. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. ZOE But. LULU This is it. sad. The Plummers all approach.he can't keep it in.. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Zoe gives them a look -. interrupting. come here you.he hugs the whole family at once. SHANE Ah.his medal. TIGHT . 105.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. I'm gonna . Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . He puts them down. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.. He squeezes her hand around it.SHANE This is too much. A long beat. squeezing them off the ground. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Julie looks up. SHANE Claire beams. Shane bawls -. baffled. Lulu turns to Shane. Shane. to shake his.Sir yes sir.. He wipes his face. Like he did..
BACKSTAGE . Todd spins. Shane stands. until he sits back down. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. A STANDING OVATION. She is surrounded by her children. Julie watches in astonishment. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. rapt. It's fantastic -. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. They all watch. beaming with pride.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. his hair combed. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. You Are Sixteen begins. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. In SLOW MOTION. Shane watches with bated breath. Claire: dressed to the nines. the little Brownie Troop. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06." In the audience. The performers take their curtain . Scott: in a suit. hit your marks. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Farewell. VICTORIA THEATRE.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. even Murney. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him.a Michael Jordan dunk." Hearts swell.
Shane smiles. touched. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Thundering applause.-The. Mission accomplished. He humbly steps into view -.com/scripts/Pacifier. THE END http://www.html on December 9 2010 . A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.calls. FADE OUT.and the house goes crazy.imsdb.
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