THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

over his head. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. EXT. As the water rises. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. He's gone. He tries force the door open. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. him his oxygen. when I say it. PLUMMER How did you know where I. to the roof. SHIP'S HOLD . But you have to do exactly what I say. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist..SIMULTANEOUS 4. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. but can't get free. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. they're almost out of ammo. United States Navy. Plummer screams.. . My way -. Shane removes his mouth highway option. Up to his Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. hauling the Professor up. He cuts the Professor's GAG. INT. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. ON THE DECK . When it finally opens. I'm gonna get you outta here. terrified.

SHIP'S HOLD . Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. He .The Seal calls out: "shoot more. 5. EXT.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. INT. clearly he loves this kind of day. HELICOPTER . Shane takes a deep breath. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. HELICOPTER . pulling the Professor in behind him. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.. and pulls himself. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. terrified. Hold on.. then disappear gracefully back into the water. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . SHANE INT.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. more!" They do.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. INT. holding the Professor. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. OCEAN'S SURFACE .

Not imperative to the mission. We have to keep moving... I can't believe you.. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . PLUMMER Oh my God. . rotors whirling slowly.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. CHARLES Lieutenant. CHARLES I'm safe. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. Please. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. waits. shutting him up. the Professor looks terrified. EXT.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. thank you. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. how'd we. Charles stops Shane. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. That was the most incredible.beside him. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.. She thinks I'm dead. I'm just not big on chit chat. Lieutenant. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk..

It's voice activated. RUN!!! black. Shane drops. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. The briefcase pops open. puzzled.Charles picks up his briefcase. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. Tyler. All goes . I have a picture of my kids in here.. SHANE We're almost ready. and talks. Todd. back to him. Shane considers.. PILOT sits. I do security. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Charles dials his cell phone...CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. knocked unconscious. Charles dials. Shane looks at him. you want to see it? Negative.. Designed it myself. INT. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. WHAM. that's my specialty. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. PAVE HAWK . Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. I'm alive. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code.. DEAD. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Peter. Lulu. then hands him his satellite phone. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.couldn't crack it...

He holds a REPORT in his hand. Shane reaches out. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. And a good friend. hurts to salute. I know sir. A Huey Helicopter lands. sir. HOSPITAL .friendly. unassuming. There is huge explosion. but he does it anyway. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.V.. as the chopper ignites. You're the best man I ever trained. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . EXT. Captain. PAVE HAWK . He looks around.O. and takes Charles' Briefcase. He sees Charles. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.: Everything is a blur. His arm and face bandaged. SHANE'S P. Bill sits down beside the bed.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. SHANE . He takes a long look at Shane.7.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. HOSPITAL . Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. unconscious. in slow-motion. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Everything is ablaze. barely conscious. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.

Bill considers this. I.. He called it G. SHANE The case was empty sir.H. he pulls off bandages..a genius. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes..S. It's not that kind of mission. disconnects an IV. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.O. disappointed. He pulls up a chair. Then. Invigorated. G. SHANE Sir. as I stated in my report. really. BILL Not a surprise.O. I'm gonna need the mini sub. is still out there. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together... and starts to rise.T.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. . BILL (interrupting:) Negative. BILL . and sits opposite Shane... I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.H. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. Thank you.S. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. appreciate your confidence. Bill shakes his head. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. 8.SHANE He had to call his family. Shane sits up. He can't believe his good fortune.T..

He's a good man..H.. BILL The professor's wife requested you. (MORE) 9.T. Either way. I should go. I got a call from the professor's wife.O. SHANE'S APARTMENT . top to bottom. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. Shane Wolfe. I love you. sir. I'll call you in an hour. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -... call Lt. and protect them. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.Shane listens. is in that house. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. CHARLES (O. The family's scared..if anything happens to me. Shane is shocked. Shane is surprised. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. Not even when I was a kid sir.. I need someone to stay at that house. presses play. It's just that.) Honey. CUT TO: INT.S. Whoever killed the professor must think G. anyway. I'm alive.S. I've never been very good with kids. She told me someone had broken into her home. intrigued. Maybe it is. maybe it isn't.NIGHT . Widow.. BILL . sir. Searched the place. hearing the dead man's voice..

then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Hm. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. identical to the one he wears. EMALE VOICE (o. 10. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.. with toys all over the lawn. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. EXT.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. The sprinklers go off. 8..s. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. machete. night vision goggles. ready for anything. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.then the door swings open.O.: Julie's unkempt suburban house.Shane packs his duffel bag. It SQUEAKS. Shane frowns. Shane looks like a bad ass. peering up at him. Shane eyes Lulu. . like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. also identical to the one he wears. camouflage vest. and pulls out a small. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. He reaches in. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. Lulu eyes Shane. Shane heads to the door. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). SUBURBAN STREET . we're not interested. He looks at for a moment.and sees LULU..V.. Shane's P. they all go in. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Shane double-checks the address.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Shane looks down -. He rejects it.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

s.. through the kitchen window.. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.) There's a catch. Helga will . Julie and Shane share a look.NIGHT Shane. INT..s.the family eats dinner. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Swiss law says only his family can access it. BILL (o. JULIE That's wonderful. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. This could all be over! BILL (o. Shane. entersJULIE I'll be there.Nighttime -.s. it's Bill Fawcett.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Through the window. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. The phone RINGS inside. with her suitcase. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. 14. Julie casually answers it. We slowly pull out.. I have some potentially good news. listening to the conversation. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . JULIE What is it? BILL (o. INT. I think it could contain GHOST. LIVING ROOM .) Julie.MORNING stand hug Julie.

.. I am a mom. And guys.. And on the phone. ZOE Mom -. HELGA Everything will be fine. it's my job to worry. SHANE Don't worry. do it.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency.. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. Plummer. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. are you licensed to kill? . . They'll be safe with me.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. chill. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. it's just. I love you guys.. Mrs. I'm gonna miss you. No. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.we'll be fine.handle everything. H S . Helga will take care of everything else. I'll be back in 48 hours.. And on the back door.

1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.s. Shane turns off the light. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.. He shuts off the - .NIGHT hane rushes in -. Shane heads down the hall. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. on a short ladder.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.WHRRP! Shane ducks. SHANE (CONT'D) . UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. when in the corner of his eye -..5. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. can't find him.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. Immediately.. INT. Shane shakes his head. You do something. elga stomps out. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.NIGHT Shane. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. I make bottle.. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. pouring in Cheerios.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Gary suddenly FLIES by . Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. INT.. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. looks around for the CRYING BABY..

CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. .. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. runs off. They both tumble to the ground. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.. ZOE Okay. He's dazed. 16. S COTT . PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Not with this kid.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. but alright. come on Scott.. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. tool. Zoe! .go back inside. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. I'll call you. ZOE He's my boyfriend. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. fine. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. Shane runs.window alarm and sneaks out silently. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.. EXT. jumps onto the trampoline. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Zoe -. calling out from across the street.BACK YARD . house like a marionette.

Sorry. The alarm stops. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it.... CHUN Thanks a bunch. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Kojak. We had an intruder. no accent) We speak English. huh baby-sitter? Mr. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. pop their heads out. I INT.. MR. MR. Oh. Shane's about to head inside. SHANE MRS. PLUMMER HOUSE . A simple misunderstanding. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. Shane addresses them. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.Zoe storms inside. CHUN . THE CHUNS. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry..NIGHT . fuming. so we're up kind of early. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Oh. we own a bakery. SHANE My apologies. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. The Alarm's still blaring. Look. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .. and we found this in our pool filter. CHUN (perfect English. Shane stands there. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket.

You should have told her the truth. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. ZOE Who do you think you are dad? Zoe starts to turn -.s. Loud. Shane marches back down the hall. S W 1 8. to not fall over. lower than the floor. continues down the hall.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Bite me! Shane frowns. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Shane flips her foot in the air. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Shane shuts her door. .) sing). SHANE Not anymore. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). She has to hop on one foot. Zoe falls backwards into the room. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away.

T Z Z T 19. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. She does. and do the Peter Panda Dance. PLUMMER HOUSE .laugh and laugh. In the bedrooms. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Three steps forward.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. he wriggles on the floor. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. just like the crabs do. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. then "crab-walks" sideways. to their beds. warm orange light. The Children. Then jumps up.groove. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. Shane shakes his head.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. INT. Peter in his bed. EXT. in bed -. . HOUSE . one step back.

You're insane.. 20 . not understanding what's happening. HALLWAY . like she's been electrocuted. half-asleep and angry. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. oe is wrapped in blankets. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Covering their ears. INT. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Todd blinks groggily.odd is out cold. Suddenly his door flies open -.. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. S .MORNING Todd sits up. disoriented. Not in front of the kids. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. carrying the crying baby. ODD It's Sunday. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Move. Helga runs through in hair curlers. TODD'S ROOM . TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. motionless.m. L Move.

Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up..) Shane's jaw drops. HELGA (She curses you. . lined up tallest to shortest. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. ladies. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her you. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. INT. KITCHEN . in Romanian.. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. L 21. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Your behavior is unacceptable.LATER The children are assembled. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. sucking on a bottle. shocked.he gives him a look of disbelief. No highway option. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.

. Shane bounds up the stairs. he's furious. SHANE Tracking devices.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. INT. but it's locked. where's the older male? There were five.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. wait. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.(pointing) Red 1.a tense silence. ZOE I am not wearing that. The panic button is only for emergencies. Now that I know I can't trust you. He tries the knob. Touch that -. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. or you're dead. P eter farted.and you do it. Never take them off. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Red baby.. Red 2. ZOE He's in his room. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. S ULU (CONT'D) . He yells at her. Red Leader.. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Everyone cracks up. So you are -. End of chain. Angry. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Everyone stares blankly -. Shane bangs hard on it. I tell you what to do better be dying. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.

this wouldn't have happened. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist... He has to go. patrolling. and Todd comes sauntering back. Todd nods in agreement. Down the hall -. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. Shane steps aside. If you'd been wearing it. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Oops. She stops at Todd's door -. INT.LATER ZOE .. I can fix this. INT. HALLWAY . PLUMMER HOUSE . A piece of the ceiling falls. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer.22. The entire frame collapses.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.they glare at Shane. the destroyed door and wall. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. and head down the hall.. to her room. INT.a FLUSH.MORNING . hits Shane on the head. He sees Shane. then CRASHES inward.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Zoe comes up the stairs. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.

He pretends to be a ghost.the rumble of a car approaching. L S 23. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. I don't know. And then it hits Shane. HALLWAY .the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. to see that Peter is chasing her.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. He said there's a ghost. Daddy even said so. Lulu hides behind Shane. Lulu SHANE Hey. just as -. Really? His eyes light up.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. His head shifts. he hears something suspicious -.LATER . Peter Booos again. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Peter! screams. PAPERBOY (O. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. hard. hey. INT. He rushes for the front door. wearing a towel as a sheet. Shane turns.S. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.WHACK -. LULU This house is haunted. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.

all the way down. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.. Then -. carrying a huge laundry basket. scanning the ceiling. Shane scans it. BANGING her head and ass on each step. appears. STAIRWAY . Zoe whispers. pushing. inally. then turns his attention to his laptop. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.Shane walks slowly down the hall. F . Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. ZOE Here he comes. Searching. MR. Nothing. She screams. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.. as laundry flutters down from above. He goes back to the living room. He RAPS again. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.a creak.. T IGHT . listening for hollow spaces. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.ZOE AND TODD . feeling. When he hears an alert from his laptop..SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. I INT...

we're going to have to file a complaint.DAY Bill and Julie. The Banker looks at him blankly. It's taking him a LONG time.They gulp.DAY Establishing. If we can't get some faster service. Not in Switzerland. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He jumps to his feet. then licks his finger to turn the page. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. EXT. Then looks back to the paperwork.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. looking jet-lagged. mouthing along in FRENCH. SWISS BANK . but can't get the page to turn. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He licks his finger again. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. He seems to be about 100 years old. terrified. 25. ZOE Uh-oh. BANKER Marcel! out. Bill can't stand it anymore. INT. They wait patiently -. this is an urgent matter. He feebly gets up. I can't. . JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. SWISS BANK .

Shane picks up the receiver. How long is that? INT. Shane dives. SHANE (CONT'D) . MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Peter's in the aquarium. enters.SAME TIME Helga. As soon as your background checks clear. Shane moves for the phone. The duck flies around. remain calm -- 26. grabbing her foot. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. But I can tell you -. HELGA I am calm. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. MARCEL. As she tries to wrestle it will have access to the box tout-suite. I QUIT. the chief does not speak English. The suitcase handle breaks off.Shane tries to block her path. PLUMMER HOUSE . Suddenly. He grabs her suitcase. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. suitcases in hand. QUACKING. Oui. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. heads to the door -. He DRAGS her back. and Helga dashes for the door. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. RING! Amid the chaos.Another Banker.

and Shane falls back.. Mrs. HOUSE . SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! .. Helga struggles to get him off.Helga falls forwards. Shane lets go. EXT. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.everything's fine.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Plummer. Plummer. Shane hangs up the phone. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. (covering the phone. He picks up his hand. that landed on a diaper. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. CRUNCH. Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Shane body-checks it closed.Ah.. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Just doing my. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Duty.. against the counter. 27.

TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. baby cries. we're just gonna have some more big fun. He drops his head... takes a deep breath and strides inside. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. INT. Then -. she'll come back.. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. Helga glares back. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. to find the kids are all gloomy. if she loves you. HOUSE . ANGLE .SHANE Rises.he slowly glances up. ANGLE . The 28. SHANE Okay. dumbfounded. There's been a change of plans. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. . in the rear window. listen up..Helga jumps in the cab. In the meantime. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. defeated.

CLOSE-UP . And then -.SHANE He gulps. everyone bolts from the room. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. repelled.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. All for one. takes a deep breath. INT. Nobody will help. your enthusiasm. Until -. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. Using the tools as chopsticks. SHANE Whoa. . Only then can we rise to the challenge. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SShane flops open.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. BATHROOM . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. HEY! Even Peter runs. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. I'm Navy. inundated. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. holding his nose. Pure self-preservation. 29. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. nice moment.

he looks down to see Lulu. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.SHANE The things I do for my country. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. LULU Hi. SHANE (unsure how to respond.) Thank you. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Lulu follows at his heels. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Lulu is in her pj's. he looks around for a solution. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. like a puppy.he can't do it. INT. Shane tries approaching -. 30. she just stares at him. Lulu doesn't go away. Aghast. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. . it starts making Shane uncomfortable.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. HALLWAY . I think you're cute. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet... Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. She follows. over and over and over. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. then FLUSHES.

Shane breathes a sigh of relief. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG." dubious. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. I can get lots more of those. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. all the kids asleep. and patrols. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Todd. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. 31.BREAKFAST . The Kids stare at "breakfast. . proud of his accomplishment. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. The kids sit down at their designated spots. little girl. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. All the lights are's time for you take a nappypoo. Lulu looks at him. KITCHEN . and shuts off her light.Shane walks room to room. INT. like he's an idiot. pulling down the shades on every window. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. Shane smiles. in beddibye land.

Peter starts bawling. you stay's how it's gonna be. Peter stands in his chair. I can cross my eyes.. Shane turns to Lulu. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at not here to take care of you now. And the phone rings. ladies. you go out. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey... Shane sighs. if I say out. ... I don't have any idea what you're talking about.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.. If I say in.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. dancing. Shane answers. ZOE He's only two. (then:) Yes.. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. trying to hear over the screaming. So -. LULU . one for all. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. Wanna see? Negative.. then at Tyler -. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. all for one.. He runs away. We're gonna pull together. Your mama -. too.. crying.

EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . EXT. I know it's Monday.. He wants to see you in his office. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. GARAGE . EXT. into a TINY parking spot -. It hits ZERO. backwards at sixty m." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. INT. Thank you. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.. He hangs up.. legal guardian. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. innocently. sir. Across his chest. SHANE Not on my watch. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. and at that . PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . dramatically unveiling Shane. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. INT. He said if you're late again. With your . Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Oh.a death defying. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Zoe smiles at him. GARAGE . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.. yes.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. perfect parallel park.h. LULU We're gonna be late.9:29 A.p. you and Todd are expelled.. A big suburban school. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. It just doesn't add up. Shane fumbles with it for a while.M..

and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. holding Peter on a harness. Out of twenty-three.P in charge of discipline. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Duane. Murney is unimpressed. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). The Kids crack up. tough. . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . He withers. mortified. as he plays on the floor. assured. too. Top to bottom. K thru 12. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. whatever work you can get. Shane. He glares at Shane. conduct and truancy. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. they needed a parole officer. Lieutenant. You're in my house now. Murney is furious. I'm Murphy.. I coach wrestling. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Well. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Looks like Mrs.moment. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. V. The Kids are seated around him. She's attractive. son? SHANE Wolfe. They're the worst students in my school. Plummer finally listened. boy.. a few days. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. He's HUGE and mean.

Get moving. Principal Claire eyeballs him. fuming. Plummer. as he casually holds the three kids. The teens hustle off to their classes. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. 34. staring him up and down. I am in charge of.. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Red 2. Lieutenant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Plummer called my captain. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.Good morning kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.two little red DOTS move away. (then. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.. that as vice principal. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Mrs.and suddenly reacts. The opens the door for Murney. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. He exits. SHANE Red 1. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.. Good. You see. What are you doing in my office. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . BELL rings. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it... She told me all about you. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. I think I can handle this from here. Claire sees this -.

.(Shane nods. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. SHANE .MID-MORNING seeShane. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. dead serious.. She lifts her pants leg. Welcome aboard... So. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. to balance Shane. SHANE .. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE "Honor.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. Service paid for my college. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles..) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . On the spot. Claire looks nervously around. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Courage. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. That's the way I live my life. and the way I run my school. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. SHANE Can't be too careful.. The 35.

Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Save us both a world of pain. He turns to the person front of him. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Todd.Clean as a whistle..: Five hundred students eat at long tables.. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. picks up a pair of binoculars. Black Hawk coming in. Official Business. Zoe. in Shane puts down his binoculars.O. in line to get lunch. two. one. with stern intensity. like a tether ball. Todd. turns her back to him embarrassed. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Beside Shane.. delighted. Lulu sees Shane and waves. INT. Now -. BINOCULARS P. sitting in the back row of a class. yanks his hood over his head. .last time: Open the hanger. He checks his tracking device. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. 36 . CAFETERIA . SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Shane closes the computer.O. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.. does the same.V.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. SHANE Give up now.V.

Sure. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. lieutenant. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.but you're pretty good at this.. man. you know. SHANE Hey -.. Can I call you Shane? . Shane sighs.Tyler gurgles.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. A whole day. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. Principal Claire smiles. not so dry where you're sitting.) Shane. with milk. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Claire smiles.I out rank you. I'm impressed. ignoring him. Mr. You're on dry land.. Seriously. 37. Tyler laughs. (she toasts. When you agreed to serve your country. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. He yanks Tyler away from him.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Oh. (she looks at his chair) Well. you don't. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.. I guess. huh? Shane gives her a look. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.

the crowd freezes. cheering. Look at him. INT. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. but not stopping it. (Todd) 38. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. and the sound of Students in an uproar. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. MURNEY You heard the lady. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.. Murney smirks. next week's tournament is off. Personally .. As soon as they see the Principal. I don't care who starts it. unusual. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. MURNEY He did.That's. Zoe. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. and "punches fists" with him. impressed.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. LUNCH-LINE . in the crowd. VP Murney is watching.

SHANE . MURNEY Pretty slick. Maybe you could stop by practice. Sorry. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. I'm on duty. Maybe some other time then. That's right. I forgot you had to baby-sit.. Boys'll be boys.I'm a black belt myself. Don't even think it. the crowd breaks up. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. MURNEY Oh. . what do you say? Come on. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. sticking the landing. (low. Todd lunges at him.I think that's a little harsh. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. flinch. Frogman -. He'd kill you so fast. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Shane puts an arm over Todd's control. stopping an inch from Shane's head. 39 .. sir. yeah. man. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE ..Todd lands on his feet. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. The Bell rings. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Murney. promise I'll go easy on you... SHANE . Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.. Nice moves. Murney approaches Shane.

Then Shane smells what she means -. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Tyler is crying. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. following his tracking device.CONTINUOUS .CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Lt... 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . another dollar twenty. Not my job.INT. minus taxes. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. and not cry. Have fun. Just then. holding Tyler out like a grenade.. 40. as he keeps watch. Panicked.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. doing a shoulder roll. It leads him to a door. SHANE Oh -. INT.. Uh. for one who'll eat. Roger that. But. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. The Principal strolls up. SCHOOL HALLWAY .Tyler's diaper is full.change him. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.. Shane recoils in disgust. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. He bursts though it. Bathroom's down the hall. Emergency! SHANE INT.

are heading away from the school fast. EXT.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Shane is furious. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. Shane lands in fight stance -. Thanks. He hands her to the Principal. SHANE EXT. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He leaps out of the minivan. almost tipping the minivan. but the FINAL BELL rings. racing down the road ahead of Shane. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE . 41. EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION . He speeds away after them. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead.the Class applauds. with the Panic Button in her hand. HALLWAY . through the fence.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He blasts through a red light.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. I INT. At that moment.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. They make a sharp right.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of the class. Shane makes a right. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.

and charges through.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. INT. Shane pries off the manhole cover. No sweat. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Shane lowers himself down.then gasps -. you're about to get a beat down. He takes a deep breath and dives under. IN THE MANHOLE . all brandishing tools. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. they hear the front door open. Shane trudges through the river of muck. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. It's horrific. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. INT. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. ANGLE . then checks the tracker -. From outside.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. SEWER .section. .then RUN. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. then checks his tracker. feet away. SQUISHY footsteps.the DOTS are CLOSE. and the sound of OMINOUS. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. PLUMMER HOUSE .LIVING ROOM . He catches his breath.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Shane easily takes them out. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. Three Workers rush him. He winces.It's dark and dank.SHANE He's alone.

Zoe fixes her hair. KITCHEN . thank you. then covers their noses. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. Covering her nose. The Cop looks at them. Call. . Zoe checks him out as he goes. weird hair. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. with a smirk.LATER Shane is in the shower. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. 43 INT. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.. BATHROOM . BACK YARD . The smell is BAD. The Cop turns to Shane. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. If you need anymore help.. Ditto. She practically GAGS as she passes him.. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Everyone gasps. looking like a Swamp Creature. revealing Shane.b. use our nonemergency number.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. . INT.p. INT..DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.Then the door swings open. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. he doesn't say anything. 16 year old female. Todd stiffens. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. The Cop leaves.

The Brownies applaud. 4 .) Get rid of them. they're staring at him. it's Monday. and whistle. He looks at it. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. LULU I can't. cringing in disgust.. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. SHANE (O. Monday. Lulu starts to sniffle.S. FAMILY ROOM .CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Shane. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. INT. close to tears. They already think I'm a loser. 4. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . in just a towel.a dozen little girls in uniforms. pulling Lulu after him. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. LULU We have to. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.Shane enters. You gotta help me out. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. we can't go the Jamboree. They won't be home `til ten. (whispers:) Come on. And it's not like I have any other friends.all junk food. He sees on the fridge. Mom's our den mother. If we don't sell enough cookies.

BROWNIE Den Mother? . at attention. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. ZOE . the other to his back. ladies... INT. yeah. He's not just locking them -. Indian Style.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Tonight." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Now -. SHANE Good. Zoe's on the phone.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. do as I say. . ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.wait here. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Here's how it's gonna be.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. LIVING ROOM . KITCHEN . back in "uniform. getting ready to go. he's a total psycho. INT... DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.. unpacking boxes of cookies. They are assembled. Shane sighs.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. I'm gonna be your den -commander. SHANE Alright. Shane blows passed her..Lulu's about to burst into tears. then drills it into place. I'm scared of you. ZOE'S BEDROOM . INT.

I dunno if that's a good idea. He smiles. Scott. No. EXT. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. GROCERY STORE . the camera CRANES up to. it's like Oz or something.. GROCERY STORE . ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside."what are you. hits speed-dial. (she listens:) Hm. I can see you through the window. INT. 4 EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.. GROCERY STORE .. he's got us on lock-down.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies..MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Tyler looks at him -.. SHANE I gotta get supplies. DRIVEWAY . NOTHING looks familiar -.. but they're . GROCERY STORE ..AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. Snack packs.. He looks around at the bright. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.PARKING LOT . EXT. nuts?" EXT. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. as he pushes a cart into the store. but if anything happens. ZOE ..5.. He sees: a huge.nothing even looks like food. Zoe picks up the phone.

In their place are the Chubby Scouts.. GROCERY STORE . Finally. clutching their boxes. EXT. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.noticing very shy. but can't get away. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. you Skeever? . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. . SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . The Cub Scouts high-five.. before I get my face punching badge on you. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. One The Brownies take off running..she tugs and tugs. One of the Brownies spots something. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. I haven't seen anybody. chubby CUB SCOUTS. we see who she means: A group of bad ass.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. He laughs. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. they're back. menacingly. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.. He rips it open. and lets her go.. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. 46 BROWNIE Oh no..

Cheese MANAGER.A LITTLE LATER . Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. I'm here to protect you. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. we're going home.2ND SCOUT Nope.22's. trembling. He wears . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. He bends down. and points at Lulu's Panic button. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . The Brownies scream. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Around his neck. CHUCK E. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He firmly tells Lulu. Where? SHANE INT.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. Get in the car. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. He heads toward the Scouts.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. CHEESE . you're supposed to take us to dinner.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Not cookies. 47. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane's monitor starts beeping. PARKING LOT . EXT.

the Chuck E.CHAOS.. which causes him to lisp. The Manager approaches Shane. Lulu approaches. Cheese! Wider reveals.. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. skee Brownies are running around.. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese automaton band JAMS... MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.braces and head-gear.. This much The Manager laughs. Shane's watching Peter. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. On stage. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. playing video games and ball. . LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. A LITTLE LATER: 48. this much cyanide.

. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Then he a joy stick. Shane doesn't like the sound of that.she pins him to the ground. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. He steps up to the machine. SHANE That's not fair. Round three starts. Nobody can jump thirty feet. then kicks him in the face. They begin.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Lulu picks a small female character. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. I thought you liked combat. He checks over his shoulder -. . ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. My joystick's broken. Shane is taking it really seriously. Unless you're scared. stretches. Shane even get one punch in -. Lulu screams out with her fighter. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. LULU The Hulk can.LULU I pressed two player. He cracks his knuckles. and then a kick in the face. He's really mad. spins her. kneels on his head. then cracks her in half over his knee. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.. The second round starts.

. LULU You're not even trying. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. leaving the sizzling machine.. the Zhouse is quiet. jumping.. Lulu's having fun now. HOTEL ROOM . INTERCUT WITH: INT. ZOE Mom -. come on -.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. LULU Too slow. oops too slow... It's really annoying.. its joystick dangling by its wires.. dancing.LIVING ROOM . Shane's really fuming.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. swing and a miss.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed..stop worrying. slamming buttons. INT. it's my job to worry. but he can't hit her. PLUMMER HOUSE . 50. Sparks fly. ZOE .take a shot. Shane's working the joy stick hard. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.... He is KO'd. swinging and missing. while he pounds the buttons. He and the Brownies sneak away. She keeps dancing. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.

. up.LIVING ROOM .The Plummer House: .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. we're okay.Seriously. who doesn't seem concerned at all. Zoe rolls her eyes. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. VARIOUS SHOTS . I hate leaving you. She turns to Scott. JULIE It's only a few more days. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. but you know I have to do this. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. not cool.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.. ZOE I know. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE my cell. I love you. The guy's just a control freak. this is outta hand. ZOE Dude. 51. everything's cool. loads Brownies into the minivan. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . INT. EXT.. Don't worry. MALL PARKING LOT . counting them. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. kids everywhere. And the folks who read my BLOG.

MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. CHUCK E. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. Suddenly. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.not okay. SHANE .DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. freestyling in the ball pool -. the Brownies follow. He's still down there. to leave a man behind like that. INT. MANAGER Relax... and goes down for the diaper. We see what he forgot: PETER. move. He disappears under the balls -.. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. SHANE Inexcusable.they almost always do. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. He charges across the room with the diaper. The Manager is watching him. Shane grimaces.LATER . SUBURBAN ROAD .Move. Silence.. move! Go go! EXT. is fine. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.for a long time. S 52. Not okay. again. He holds his breath.. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. He's holding the diaper.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. CHEESE .. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. out away from him. gasping. Whoa.

.'s turntables.KITCHEN .Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. He gets out -. windows. Now. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.. peeing in the bushes.and groans in disbelief. jocks throwing footballs. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Outraged. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. PLUMMER HOUSE .until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. Shane snatches it mid-air -.. chugging drinks.. as he pulls up in the Minivan. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. Party's over. scared. we're gonna do this .NIGHT Shane is exhausted. then RUN. EXT. 53. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. Peter and Tyler up the path. making out.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Scott.. at a full run.. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . vents. Shane takes Lulu. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. trying to understand. CLUB lock off the door. Reeling. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.J. a total wreck. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in.then CRUSHES the ball.

straightening -. Scott and Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . CUT EXT. furiously clean. Miserable TEENS scrub.. highway option.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. he takes it off. He fumes. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. through binoculars. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.CONTINUOUS . Clean... and walk out of sight... In a bathroom. Shane goes over them.. PLOP. He holds it up to a KID. It reads: GHOST. INT. Scott gulps . He lifts the sofa. PLUMMER HOUSE .SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. ladies. Shane's eyes narrow. He hands Scott the mop. trying to maintain his dignity. mopping. They see Shane find the CD. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Oh my god. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. in Playtex gloves. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. as kids way -.then he notices something. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . residue. labeled with a Sharpie.

ZOE I do too respect myself. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Scott's the last one to leave.. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. sits down. she pukes again. where she throws up. Zpounding on doors. Shane . Shane hands her a handkerchief. ZOE . SHANE You got barf on your tank top. INT. furniture polished.. CUT TO: EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . Because you have no respect for yourself. ueasy.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Zoe gets up. PLUMMER HOUSE . shaky and furious. (Announces:) Company. After a beat.. Lulu's crying. Todd picks her up. Rambo. Zoe blows past him -. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. You're like a robot. He heads upstairs.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. They show no respect for you or your house. My friends will never come here again. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. outside the bathroom door. you hate us. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Thanks a lot.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. and screams in Shane's face. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you.. downstairs! He walks down the hall.into the bathroom. Shane stands. helpless.

.. Go to your rooms. all in black BURST in through the window. I'm not the man for this job. close-quarters and fast.55. Suddenly -. Don't worry... The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.the power goes out. talking doesn't do any good. SHANE Puberty. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. He goes down.the three fight. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Suddenly. pounding him with their . Red 1..hand it over! staffs. NINJA GHOST -. Wielding with great skill. Shane spins in fight-stance. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. The Ninjas attack. fiercely -.they're good. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. tired) It's Scott. I'm gone.. TWO NINJAS. as soon as your mom comes back. SHANE You're right. They leap down after him. Not even from the enemy.

and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. fiercely. 56 INT. . then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. several FURBIES hit the floor. He spots a BASEBALL BAT... NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. With his foot.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.. SHANE Okay -. a squeezes .. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They step back. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -.knocking him into. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. The Ninjas move towards him -. and flings them all over the floor. Shane crashes down. it makes a silly thunk. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. and grabs it.. blinding a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. avoiding Legos.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. he hits a Ninja in the head. Shane fends the Ninjas off. and uses them both to fend off blows. toys fly. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. WHACK. He pulls the string.then the Ninjas charge. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. Shane runs to the changing table. facing them. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. PLAYROOM ..

Shane approaches Zoe's door. It's okay. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.SHANE 57. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Then. You can open up. The cloud dissipates.. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. Todd and Zoe enter. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. He hugs them. bawling. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. disappointed to have lost them. Shane isn't sure what to do. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. HALLWAY . He A long pause -.. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.SECONDS LATER Composing himself.. SHANE Shhh. SHANE It's safe.. Shane bangs the window sill. terrified. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. He squints. He runs to the broken window. ANGLE .. Kids. He sprays it in Shane's face. He really hugs them. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. .Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.. fearful.? SHANE They're looking for a program. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. TODD Who were they? What did they want..then the door creaks open. that your father invented. and Shane sees he's now alone. INT. blinded.. quietly knocks..

ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. and do what I say... (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. He looks Zoe. From now on. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.. They shake -. 58. Then. Zoe answers it.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. too. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. SHANE They're not after you.a long pause. LIVING ROOM . They hug him tighter. relieved. startled. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. CLOSE-UP . But nothing's gonna happen to you. as long as I'm here. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. eye to eye. absolutely nothing pottery .. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Soon. I'll listen to you too.then they hug him. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.they all jump.. INT. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. the other kids join in. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. And I'm not going anywhere. it's been a long night. "Unchained Melody. all smiles. They want this. Then. Shane offers his hand to shake. you listen to me. Shane is furious -. Deal? Truce -.. The kids shudder." And then.

. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. They're gone.. But we're not sure what it is. HOTEL ROOM . Nope. two men tried to get into the house tonight. but they didn't find it. INTERCUT: INT. Don't worry -. and Shane emerges with the five kids.. They were looking for GHOST. SHANE Mrs..happened you should worry about. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. students run in to school. You have any luck? JULIE Well. The minivan pulls up.we'll be just fine. SHANE (very genuine) .CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59.. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We found something in the box. We just don't know what its for. SHANE No . Shane takes the phone. She holds up the strange. yes and no.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. It looks like some kind of "key". .. everyone's fine. SCHOOL . EXT. Plummer.MORNING Early morning. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two's okay. metal two pronged KEY. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.

DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters.she'll pay for the damage. squashed at a little desk. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. Shane nods.. she wrecked a driver's Ed. . who sits in the back.. They look concerned..INT. then BRAKES. then BRAKES. sunglasses on. shaking his head. So. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan.DAY Driver's Ed.. HITS the gas. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. a crazed TEACHER next to her. I know it's good. Principal Claire next to him. An obstacle course with cones. egg in some purple dye. reacting each time she HITS the gas." Then. SCREAMING. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. THE GYM . Lulu's classmates all chant. car -. SHANE Don't worry. "yeah. EXT. mortified. He is gesticulating. He dips an INT.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). and smiles at Shane. LULU'S CLASSROOM . SCHOOL PARKING LOT . Murney stands. Zoe sits in a folding chair. ANGLE on Lulu. Shane stands off to the side. making a mess of an egg. ANGLE on Shane. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. MURNEY . and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. Peter 60 She smiles. LULU'S CLASSROOM .

) See if you can talk to the boy. Zoe shrugs. (pulls Shane aside.yes. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. . Shane stops. but -. But this. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.but this is just sick. and Shane walks them out. boys will be boys -.. And that's not all.. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. 61. Todd enters. I was doing a little recon in his locker. He does always miss sixth period. it's not that -. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice..... Shane scowls. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. No. Shane gives Zoe a look. giving him a "skinhead" look. Murney calls into the's the boy. what's going on.That? Lady drivers. SHANE He's not a NAZI.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. and I'm not sure what to do... in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. what do you expect. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal..I'm a bit concerned. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Todd and Zoe stand to go. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.

huh? (Shane ignores him. Without warning.. we'll give these boys a treat. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. Shane walks the kids out. I'll show you a couple moves. SHANE Another time. maybe. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. and keeps walking. and leaves. I promise I won't hurt you. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. stretching. Kung team: Shane walks away. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. kicking him in the BACK. MURNEY It's a date then.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. if you ask me. MURNEY You're a good man. 62.. SHANE I'll talk to him. Shane trips forwards to his knees. and Murney chases after him.that whole family's no good. Shane. as he passes. and leaps at Shane. Murney laughs. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled.

Keep all doors sealed. He enters. but he . but instead he takes a deep breath. do your homework. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. It's small for him.. He starts to shut the window.far down the block. TODD'S ROOM . SHANE Wait Todd. you're in charge. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. and leaves. He sees Zoe. Murney his head. with a flowered basket. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. Shane screws the window shut. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. It's pink. keeping the contact. SHANE Smart kid. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. I want to talk to you. It looks like Shane might fight. On the corner. The window is wide open. he can see Todd. and snickers to his Team. Shane parks. INT.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. preheat the oven. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. running around the corner. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane looks out the window -. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. peering out her window.shakes Shane turns back. Shane hops out the window. Nothing. Todd runs towards the house.. signal me. EXT.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

LIESL We don't have a director. Liesl chimes in.. they quickly assemble on stage.. Shane shakes his head. He smiles. show's off. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. girls'll think I'm... Shane looks at the Cast. Todd looks devastated -. they're not sure what to do. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling... grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever..What if. it's over. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. BEAT... Todd looks up at Shane.. TODD . SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. weird or something? 66 .CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Chicks dig guys who can dance. Shane straightens up. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Shane's glare. or not? Everyone nods. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.... SHANE COMPANY -.

I don't know why I let it get to me. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. INT. SHANE Okay.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. PLUMMER HOUSE . I promise. Scott. angrily. I know it's no big deal. INT... ZOE . No wait! .. another girl picked up the phone. furious.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. BREAKING something.. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. YES WHAT? SHANE . ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. LULU'S ROOM . It's stupid. I called him in his room. He peeks in -. SHANE ...LATER .Yes... Shane exits..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. He turns out the light. I won't touch him. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . He hears Zoe in her room.

SHANE(CONT'D) One day. So -they waited for cloud cover. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. (MORE) T S L 8... As Shane finishes the story. The elves had to go in and take it out. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. To find a secret gnome. Shane looks at her surprised..Uh. I 6 . Uranium. Let's see.. He sits on the bed. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. on Lulu's floor. setting up the scene with DOLLS... the little Elf family -. and they came in from the north..Shane tucks Lulu into bed. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. he illustrates. Once there was a family of Elves. Went into the magic forest. three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. facility.. ULU Tell me a story..

S 69. TODD I'll write it down for you. We got `em all. Todd calls from the doorway.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.... The wails get louder and LOUDER.Rodriquez.. And you ain't got a chance. Like dad used to do. c'mon.. or he won't stop. Then.. I can't remember that thing. He made it up for him.. Even.. SHANE Oh. Shane sighs. And not one Elf got left behind that day. the teeniest little elf of all -. TODD You have to do the dance. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.. . and do the Panda Dance. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. Peter WAILS...mean standing. INT. NURSERY . Lulu's fallen asleep.... Peter starts bawling. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. from across the hall. head in the door. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. and whispers to Peter. lower than the floor.

just like the crabs do... He does the dance as he sings. terrified. Shane turns and catches Mr. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. She gets out in shock. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Shane. Humiliated. They turn to Zoe. . (Tyler in the snuggle). PLUMMER HOUSE .. Lulu is next to him. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. and gets in the driver's seat. Shane crab-walks sideways.Shane sighs. mortified. (He does. He sings again. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Chun.MORNING . Chun gets his paper. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. T the A 70.) EXT. GARAGE . The Kids sit bolt upright. through the mirror. Shane hops forward three times. Peter applauds. staring. SHANE Today you drive. with her Gameboy. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.

but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle.. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.I can't even pass driver's Ed.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. not the road. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. no. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Lulu and Todd are terrified.ZOE But -. Exactly. Shane is nervous. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection... S P . The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is shaky. Zoe backs jerkily out. She pulls out. INT.. MINIVAN . TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Keep going. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. I trust you. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. The Kids share a dubious look. Touched. Zoe is surprised.. jerkily. but trying not to show it..

And the other Kids all bolt from the car. KIDS boisterously run past. trembling. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. being obnoxious... Shane unclenches his teeth.71.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. and a little make-up. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . with a few FRIENDS. Before Scott knows what's happened. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. hey head into the school. Chastened. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. She's wearing a cute dress. Do we understand each other? Scott nods.Claire BARKS out. Scott's terrified. 1500 hours. severe stare) Now. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Next lesson. INT. Shane jumps out of the car. Zoe smiles. Shane lets him down and heads into school. Shane spots something. Shane's . EXT.. the kids gulp and orderly march away. ZOE Ha ha ha. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). CAFETERIA . terrified. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Broken promises lead to broken legs. SHANE Good. laughing. Claire strides into view. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Very funny.. Suddenly -. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.

SHANE hey eat in silence. S T P . SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. and offers him a milk. sailor? Thanks. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Wow.eyes alight. Noon and none of them have been called to my office... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. something. Love it when he does that. him by the ear. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. S he sits beside him.. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Shane leaps over the table. you never know who you're going to run into. She smiles. It's a miracle. too. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . dragging .." In one move... He smiles back. She's waiting for him to say. impressed. Suddenly.

Silence. . TODD Hey... What're you so scared of. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Talk. MURNEY I've had it. intimidated. Freak? The Students snicker. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. I. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Murney. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Todd looks. I want to sing. boy. I'm right here. Murney turns around. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. MURNEY Winners never quit.. M 73. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. now it all makes sense. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.Murney shoves Todd forward. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. I quit. It opens Friday. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah.. Then: TODD I am not scared. Yeah I do.. No one's sure they heard him right.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs.

There is a stunned moment M urney looks over at the Team. Murney did not expect to be called out. furious -URNEY So -.face to face. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. Your ass is mine. protecting him. Murney looks around. His voice cracks -. swarm Todd. taking flyers. it's scary S 74. Todd's telling the truth. They look to the ground sheepishly. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.and then a mob of Students. You win. He storms out. Everyone is watching. humiliated. So calm.Shane steps them. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. The whole team wants to reads: . TODD There is a man in my house -. The Gym. You suck. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. Let's do it. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.

Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . mumbling something. The Wrestlers scream for Murney.BAM. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Todd cheers Shane on.3:00 mat. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney." INT. The bleachers are PACKED. rushes Shane. WHAM. and they head out. quietly twitching on the ground. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. 3:00. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. GYM . Shane side-steps. Murney. Murney bounds to his feet. hard. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him.sending him right into the wall. shocked. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Todd flops to the mat. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. S 75. grabs onto Murney's waist. and sweeps Murney -. climbs to feet and CHARGES again."Murney's getting his ass kicked. M URNEY on. Murney lands on his back.

Shane S smiles at her as he passes. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. that's all. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. TO: EXT. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. No brownies edible. She gives him a thumbs up. LULU We're Brownies. fascinated. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. 76 SHANE either. Todd. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. . boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it.Dislocated nerve. If you're not sure. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. too. They walk out. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. Claire. When I Rwanda. I got my troops waiting. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. The crowd cheers. TODD That was awesome. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. BUGS. FOREST .

in perfect tempo..DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. the Girls PUNCH.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. here.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. she burns rubber. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.she hits EVERY ONE -. EXT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. KICK. OLD FACTORY . Now the Nazis are gonna come in.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. EXT.. Shane holds a stopwatch.. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. The Kids don't get it. In unison. INT. Zoe . KICK.we'll put Von Trapps here. The Duck watches all this -. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. NURSERY . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.fascinated..the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. He laughs at his own joke. in between punches. and. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. he reaches out and rocks it." INT.FRONT LAWN . where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.. MALL PARKING LOT . here at the top of the stairs. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. He signals her. PUNCH. PUNCH. He illustrates the stage directions.

DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. EXT. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.FRONT LAWN .. INT. They watch closely.. INT.. your life little girl. blur. ODD .BACK YARD . EXT..3.out and weaves the cones. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES... T I E 77. The Brownies attack.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.2.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.. OLD FACTORY . MALL PARKING LOT . ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. mercilessly." Lulu. EXT. it teeters.DAY -"1. Shane gives her a signal. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. but doesn't fall. she only clips one. He counts begins wriggling free. PLUMMER HOUSE . Hands a T . PLUMMER HOUSE . in we WIDEN back.. NURSERY .

hard. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Peter. Shane is so touched. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. THUD! Gazelle. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night.EVENING . SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. now and then. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.he's got it down. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Then he tucks Peter in. Again. 8. He kisses Peter on the forehead. Graceful. INT. Peter. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. he almost bursts into tears. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Peter Panda." Singing and doing all the moves -. SHANE I'm not your daddy. Todd tries the kick. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. odd tries the spinning kick.huh? Now. but blows it. He does a spin kick. adding a James Brown flourish. Graceful. NURSERY . But sweet dreams. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. daddy.

Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.they LAUGH. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. the Other Scouts are scared. see them. proud. FORMATION. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. The Scout struggles. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. wearing the double snuggle. S SHANE That's my troop. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The . he lands on the ground hard. Across the lot. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. INT. at their own table. In one move. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. You're gonna have to pay for that. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. the Chubby Cub Scouts. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. scary. striking a cool pose. As he's comparing prices -. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. but like a FLIP. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The Scouts share a look -. tying him. 9. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief..The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.MOMMY! She lets him go -. she wraps it around his arm. He smiles..CONTINUOUS Shane shops. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.he sees.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

SHANE He's left alone. The phone rings.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face. ANGLE . we're on the first plane in the morning.soldier. She throws her arms around Shane. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. talking excitedly.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . the kids are all abuzz. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. BACK YARD . happy. WITH: J INT. HALLWAY . Shane answers it. EXT. HOTEL . J 82.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. OE I never even got to say good bye.

He pets the Duck. Shane turns. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. he Duck stares.NIGHT hane turns the light on. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83.. unblinking. GARAGE . Suddenly. No reason for personal attachments.The house is dark. INT. hane rises. Shane sighs morosely. Gary sits in the next chair. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. the Duck starts quacking. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. your wings aren't clipped. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE Just another assignment. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Kids to play S . Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. with. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Shane sits in a lawn chair.. Three squares a day.

and then it gives. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. The wheel spins.. only It's solid and inscrutable.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. he floor opens. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .SHANE What happened. No hinges or cracks. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Shane looks on stunned. INTERC UT: B harder... we see a CRANK WHEEL. DISSOLVE INT. shines it down the grate. TO: to S 84. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. He's been trying. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. He tries muscles rippling. Shane dials a phone. INT. The Kids are watching his progress.. crack the lock all night. unsuccessfully. Shane steps down it. Nothing. The break in its surface is a strange. leading below the garage. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.. Lulu hands him a tool... . GARAGE .

Bill's cell phone rings. excited. can't crack it.don't do anything `til I get there. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. towards the neighbor's house.. After we turn this in to my CO.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. BILL . Through a window. don't do anything further. Then we slowly MOVE UP. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.EXT. pleased. W e PUSH INTO the house. and hangs up. Do you have it? SHANE No. Julie sits beside him. It's in a steel vault.. Bill reacts... relieved. sir. An ominous pause. Everyone reacts happily. I've been trying all night. GARAGE . he answers it. CHUN CUT BACK . MRS. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Silently spying on Shane. Okay.. GHOST. She looks stricken. We'll be there shortly -. TO: INT.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. SEDAN .. GARAGE . TO: INT. I think I found GHOST. Away from Shane.Lulu. Except for -.

filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. Tongue-tied.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. The rug is vacuumed. Bill is carrying her suitcases. should be home soon.. comes into the dark hall. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . SHANE You guys better get ready.. The fish tank is clear. in the next room. She trails off.. Kids singing a beautiful. J JULIE'S P..: The house is spotless. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. he has no answer. INT. KIDS VOICES .SHANE He goes silent. Julie and Bill hop out. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.O. LULU But. Lulu? You should be happy. HOUSE .MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Shane -. JULIE'S HOUSE . so they probably trashed the place. I 85.V. in shock.they hear.

Bill steadies her.. INT. Zoe is in a conservative dress... ZOE Welcome home. mom. no dishes in the sink. BILL (he smiles wryly. a capella) .(singing. She sees. Julie goes to the. 8 JULIE almost faints.. ( B 6. then salutes back) Good job. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. INT. smiling. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. She staggers to.. Dumb-struck. KITCHEN . Peter is fresh faced. Shane sees Bill enter. The Kids rush forward and hug her.. for a thousand years. DINING ROOM . picture- .CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Lieutenant. with songs they have sung. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. S SHANE Captain. Lulu has bows in her hair. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. Across the room.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME... Julie starts bawling. featuring Todd.

I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .. Don't get me wrong.. pause) But I'll have to think about it. Bill holds the pronged key. Shane continues. SHANE That's kind of you. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.INT. S S 87. And I think I want to explore that some more. Suddenly. all I've never known is the military. Bill stops. ILL I'm really proud of you. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. BILL I should hope not. surprised. reluctant. an ANGRY VOICE. anywhere you want. Shane.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. You just name it.. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. GARAGE . Sir.

CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Mr. . startled... SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms... They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. relishing a second of glory -. hane takes control! He smiles. and starts to fall. CLOSE-UP .when suddenly.Shane and Bill spin. Mrs. Disoriented. reaching for Bill's key. He is losing consciousness.. GUNS DRAWN. He takes a submissive position.. B 88.SHANE Lights out. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. Chun. confused. and Mrs. MRS. He turns. then passes out. while SLAMMING their heads together. Chun comes closer.. There were delays. Shane shoots Bill a glance. he looks up as he drops... SHANE'S POV woozy. startled. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Shane peers in confusion. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry... Things are spinning.

Bill checks the knots binding the children. Chun) Keep an eye on them.. then slides OPEN! enter. bright and white. with two . 9. So did the Department of Defense. livid. The floor is covered with square tiles.DAY Shane lies unconscious.. NURSERY . FADE IN: INT. Inside is a dark corridor.. INT. Chun approach the steel door.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. The door HUMS. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. and it CLICKS. closing the window shades.. Charles trusted you. You -. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.. The Korean Man (Mr. Bill and Mrs. Beside the safe is a red switch. GARAGE . Julie glares. ILL North Korea pays better. They THE VAULT! Spare.with me. exit. tied up. Bill and Mrs. Chun) secures the room.. (to Mr. reaching. They whimper. The Kids are furious. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. 8 Bill grins. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. He GAGS the kids. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. scared. They anxiously tiptoe. INT.BLACK. JULIE I trusted you. Peter has a JUICE BOX.

had eyebrows. off shoulder eyebrows. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.. She confidently strides toward the safe -.the Kids look innocent. The air is filled with an ominous. like a monstrous computer. Bill eyes the safe. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. done. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. With a rapid blur of finger-work. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. But behind her back. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Mr. It's set on ARMED. Mrs..S. quickly assuming a fake bound position.. Lulu frowns. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Mr. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. MRS. He sneers. then Mr. as if she hadn't moved. she unties Zoe! Then -. low-pitched HUM.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. but the of her jacket is on fire.needing a distraction. Lulu "looks" scared.. Tyler GASPS. MR.. completely SINGED OFF. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. INT. Chun whirls -.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.settings: ARMED and DISARMED..SAME TIME Mr. then leans back against Zoe. MRS. horrified -. BEEPING. startled -. she hits her panic button! O. CHUN But I've got some C4. HOUSE . eyeballing them icily. CHUN Just. Chun is Bokay. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Chun guards the kids.. the Chun spins.

He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. then.. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. They untie Julie. Lulu runs. Mr. It HURTS. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. . Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. HAM without warning. Chun's head. slamming the door behind her. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. he steps closer. Chun laughs: MR. Mr. Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet..Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. when he's at her level. CHUN That's cute. he drops to his knees in pain. Skeptical. Chun scowls. BEHIND TODD . Mr. Chun looks at Lulu... Chun's leg. Chun's face. snake-like move. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Lulu SWEEPS Mr.W Z 90.

Chun punches the door.but as Julie exits. INT. I INT. making a small hole..doorknob. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Chun falls back from the door. Bill lurches into view. they're trapped inside. He sticks his face out the hole.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. FRONT DOOR .. M E M 91. but the door won't budge..SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. his face COATED in white. clutching her! The . NURSERY . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY ..CONTINUOUS Mr. DONNGGG -. She SCREAMS. NURSERY ..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. INT. INT. He yells out furious! MR. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun's face.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs..

They start to run back.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Mrs. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. they're not going anywhere. CHUN Chun falls. HOUSE . INT.. Chun THE RADIO.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. HOUSE . MR. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the are horrified. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. MINIVAN .I've got the keys. then nod and run to the side garage. ARGHH! driveway. Chun comes racing around the house -. speaking in Korean: RS. EXT. . unsure. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS r. Chun listens to Mr. She floors it...

leading her to the secret door. Julie GASPS. VAN . holding a military RADIO.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -.. INT. a CRACKLING of static.Charles didn't tell me about the room. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Don't make me kill you too. oe runs a yellow. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. I want to know how to get through the booby traps.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. lying on the concrete. GARAGE . They step past Shane's body. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. chilled. Chun exits the vault. Then. It's getting old. gaining on them. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. B . Mrs. INT. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM.

CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. MRS. MINIVAN . as Zoe drives. Then -. Bill deciding if he can trust him. everyone looks down. just please don't hurt anyone.. The men stare down.S. Bring them back unharmed.. Surprised.DAY The vehicles race. EXT. emotional. BUSY STREET . He does something we can't see. half on the sidewalk. SHANE (O. my husband has question: MR. It's like a chariot race. He tries to pass them on the right..SHANE They look over -. Bill. I'll get you in. ILL . SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. ZOE .he clicks "talk" on the radio.) Bill.. Bill uncuffs Shane.. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. Chun zooming by.93. ill eyes him. It's B risky. ANGLE . BILL Change of plan. Do it.Shane is standing in the doorway. don't hurt the kids. CHUN Mr. to cut them off! INT. they might wreck. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.

Chun holds Julie. crayons. It throws Mr. She Mr. Peter laughs. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Chun off for a beat. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. In the van. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.. CRASH!! The kids cheer.. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. and loses control. Chun with debris: milk cartons. . The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Hair spray. Exasperated.. triumphant. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun SCREAMS. orange peels.What's taking you? 94. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr..MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.. Mr. M R. Mrs. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them.. Bill waits impatiently. Mr. Zoe looks over. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him.. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. disoriented.. SECRET VAULT . INT. Shane is figuring his options.

sending him flying Shane leaps back. over one beam and ducking under another -. Lulu. Shane steps forward . Shane SQUIRTS it. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Todd.A bewildered beat -. ill cocks his gun. Bill laughs. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. He speaks aloud. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward. Peter. Sweat drips down Shane's face. landing on his hands and knees. confidently: J B B 95 . That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase.. . puzzled. BILL Code or no code. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca.. in pain. Watch.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Tyler! Bill reacts. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. go get it -.

.. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. and do the Peter Panda Dance.they have no idea what he's laughing about. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. He thinks.. Julie relieved. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. across two tiles. CLOSE-UP . Again -. Something she said. He feels the Groove. When you're down and low. Calmness comes to Shane's face.. fearlessly.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . He takes a deep breath. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. not quite centered to the room. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). He steps sideway.NOTHING HAPPENS.SHANE Shane's thinks. Shane LAUGHS sharply. lower than the floor. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. Bill and Julie share a look -. then back: smiles.. And you haven't got a chance. NOTHING HAPPENS. E 96 . just like the crabs do. Shane he steps forwards.

EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION . Inside is the Cute Cop. from the ceiling.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. ZOE Come on. Don't follow me! . he'd be toast. When he steps back -. and he catches up with the minivan -. Zoe blows past it. and our bodyguard -. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. They have my mom. If he'd been standing. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. 9 7. Use the gas. 5-0. they're FLYING. The Squad Car's lights flash on.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. his focus gone. not the brake. The Cute Cop shouts over at have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE takes a while.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back.

98. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. the Minivan SPEEDS by. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. nervously.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. EXT. and speeds back towards her house. EXT. like there ain't no floor. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. is Mr. . concerned. pool of liquid. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. My intelligence proved to be faulty. INT.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. almost running it off road. Claire frowns. She shakes her head. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. sliding forward. NECK-BRACE..CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. The Squad Car is on its tail. at a safe distance. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. Zoe U-turns. It's acid. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Following the chase.. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Squad Car turns around and chases her. SUBURBAN STREET . SCHOOL .the The She swerves into the Squad Car. in a cloud of smoke. I accept full responsibility. but if I had more resources. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Suddenly.. Then better jump quick.

It's a stand-off. Chun to go first. He holds his breath just in time. BILL I'll take that as a "no. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. She gestures back: you go. He flips the switch to DISARMED. pulling Julie along. Whew. Beat. "Just hold your breath. to calm down) Almost done." . The Booby Traps are disarmed. You were always my best man.and walks across the room. 99. Shane scowls. Shane. I knew you'd figure it out. almost done. Bill looks around. Nothing happens. What do you say -. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. All that we stand for. He's relieved -. He lands in front of THE SAFE.. Immediately. disgusted. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Mrs. if you're willing to join up. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Finally. He nervously steps forward . The whole room goes SILENT. BILL Thank you. to the left of the HOLE. The safe's red light turns green.he waves his hand over the floor. sir.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him." He jumps. and jumps back. Chun follows.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. And you betrayed all of that. Bill shrugs. Bill takes a breath -.. and jump to the left. Bill signals for Mrs.

. Bill is off guard. He starts to reach for the dial. her hair on end. Shane shrugs. SHANE There will be no mercy. and touches the dial. Shane reaches for the safe. Reluctantly . Chun LEAPS onto his back. You open it. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. BILL None requested. Something's not right.. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Mrs. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. BILL (CONT'D) . Full of himself. I walked the floor first. unrelenting. Chun reaches out. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. then PUNCHES him in the gut.. Bill is incensed. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Chun doesn't budge. shaking from the voltage. head. MRS. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks.Bill turns to the safe. but Shane gazes coldly. But suddenly Mrs. Nothing happens. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Relief. SIZZLING. She turns it.. legs! He's crazed. Chun. Bill LUNGES. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges.Mrs. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Bill gestures to Mrs.. hitting Bill's arms. I think you better open it... then catches himself. trying to read Shane's poker face.

She smiles. good night. ANGLE . Say. SHANE You're a. stumbles backwards across the room. chase after. which Shane deflects -. She catapults. he drops and FLIPS her. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. IN THE VAN. then whispers/sings. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. They punch. saved. SHANE . the wind knocked out of him. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.. unable to gain her balance. Leering mercilessly. Shane struggles to lose her. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. connecting only occasionally. Shane shakes his head. But he's unforgiving. delivering a series of hard punches.. knocking her out. It's clear the both have the same training. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.. The Police Cars . spin.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. Bill is charging him.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. K. PLUMMER'S STREET . He jumps to his feet. landing on his back in front of the safe. Suddenly. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest.they tangle like pro's. everyone is SCREAMING. tottering. kick. terrible neighbor. OOF! Bill tumbles. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.O.! EXT. SIRENS wailing.BILL He steps over Shane.. Shane narrows his eyes. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. Shane tumbles.

a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. They look in silence. The Kid spill out and run. from the car.101. smoke BURNING from the tires -. then BRAKES. Shane steps out. with their hands raised.and hits a tree.. She smiles at Shane.SAME TIME Total commotion. HOUSE . It's finally over. GHOST. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. The kids clamber from the van. JULIE Thank you Shane. Whoa. Cops surround them. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . But it's too late.. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. Now we can go back to our peaceful. grateful. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. SHANE .. then look in the safe: Inside.O. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it. The garage door raises. SECRET VAULT . Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.. Then -. INT. The van SKIDS.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.

The Cops are unsure what to do. vaults onto Chun. He's disheveled and manic. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. officer. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. as he turns his head.. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.. Even Chun is amazed. Mr. I suggest you call the FBI. He scoffs.CUTE COP FREEZE. CHUN (O. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -... Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. 10 2.a CRAZED SCREAM. Chun stands inside the gate.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . MR. Shane spins.. Zoe. ZOE But. Nobody is sure what to do. triumphant. Silence. and grabs the MR. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. you're in a lot of trouble.. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. But then -. Numerous.S. helpless. uh. Shane weighs his not so many options. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Julie and Shane Freeze. Now.. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze.

B.B..B.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. AGENTS swarm the area.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. AGENT Mr. F. INT. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. F . then walks off. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.I.rocket launcher. he . PLUMMER HOUSE .B. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.LATER F.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. swelling with pride. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. that was nice work. Agent. watching the FBI Agents work. Wolfe. You're a one-man battalion. Shane examines it. SHANE Just doing my job. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.I. Julie huddles with the kids. COP I think I'll call the FBI. ANGLE .. CLOSE-UP .I. CLOSE-UP .I. reaches for his radio. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable. GARAGE . 103. Shane talks with an F.

Lulu -.. I'm on dry land. fallen onto the floor. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.I want to say: I love you more than anything. You're the superior office.. from the safe. Tyler. a letter.Maui? . Does it itch? Yes.. SHANE . What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. He looks at Claire. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. He looks around: at the family. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Summer's almost here. She sees... Mock-angry.. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.... I'm kinda. I don't know. The Plummers hug each other. Her siblings. Shane looks at her. On. And to tell the truth. then Julie found the key.Yes. say -. and Julie notice. 104. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Zoe. re-conning the situation.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. here.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. and gather around. A tear comes to her eye. EXT. I always have. Todd. Julie. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Well. Peter. You tell me..

he hugs the whole family at once. LULU This is it. Guess you have to go now.SHANE This is too much. For everything. TIGHT . to shake his. The Plummers all approach. He wipes his face. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.. sad. P ETER Love you. I'm gonna . ZOE But. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about..his medal. Shane..he can't keep it in. 105. Shane bawls -. come here you. interrupting. Zoe gives them a look -.Sir yes sir. squeezing them off the ground. SHANE Ah. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. She puts out her hand. Like he did.. SHANE Claire beams. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . A long beat. He squeezes her hand around it. Julie looks up. He starts to head off. Thank you. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Your work here is through. baffled. Lulu turns to Shane. He puts them down.

Todd spins. A STANDING OVATION. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'." Hearts swell. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. She is surrounded by her children. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Farewell. until he sits back down. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. The performers take their curtain . the little Brownie Troop. You Are Sixteen begins. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. BACKSTAGE . VICTORIA THEATRE.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. beaming with pride.a Michael Jordan dunk. It's fantastic -. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Claire: dressed to the nines.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Scott: in a suit. Shane watches with bated breath. hit your marks. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Julie watches in astonishment. In SLOW MOTION. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. even Murney. rapt." In the audience. They all watch. Shane stands. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. his hair combed.

then giddily gesture Shane to come out.calls.and the house goes crazy. FADE OUT. Thundering applause. He humbly steps into view -. touched.-The. Shane smiles. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.html on December 9 2010 THE END http://www. Mission accomplished.