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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
Plummer screams.. I'm gonna get you outta here. SHIP'S HOLD . He cuts the Professor's GAG. but can't get free. As the water rises.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. when I say it.. Up to his nose. When it finally opens. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. United States Navy. EXT. He tries force the door open. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. ON THE DECK . Do you copy? (Plummer nods. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again.. to the roof. Shane removes his mouth piece.SIMULTANEOUS 4. But you have to do exactly what I say. over his head. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. terrified. One of our SEALS calls out to them. him his oxygen.no highway option. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. He's gone. INT. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. they're almost out of ammo. PLUMMER How did you know where I. My way -. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water.. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. hauling the Professor up. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. .) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.
until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SHIP'S HOLD . Hold on. HELICOPTER . terrified. INT. SHANE INT. pulling the Professor in behind him.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . He .CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. OCEAN'S SURFACE . holding the Professor.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. INT.. EXT. more!" They do. and pulls himself.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. 5. clearly he loves this kind of day. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. HELICOPTER . Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. then disappear gracefully back into the water. Shane takes a deep breath. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods.
PLUMMER Oh my God. Lieutenant. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.. Please. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. She thinks I'm dead.. . MOUNTAIN CLEARING . (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. thank you. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. Not imperative to the mission. CHARLES I'm safe. EXT. rotors whirling slowly. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. I'm just not big on chit chat..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter.beside him. CHARLES Lieutenant. the Professor looks terrified. shutting him up. Charles stops Shane. That was the most incredible. I can't believe you. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. The Professor takes out his mouth piece... waits. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. how'd we. We have to keep moving.. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.
(gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -... Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Tyler.. and talks. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. that's my specialty. PILOT sits.. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. The briefcase pops open. DEAD. puzzled. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.. you want to see it? Negative. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. back to him..Charles picks up his briefcase. then hands him his satellite phone. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. It's voice activated. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Shane looks at him.. Charles dials. Lulu. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Designed it myself. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Charles dials his cell phone.couldn't crack it. Todd. WHAM. INT.. I'm alive. All goes . I have a picture of my kids in here.. SHANE We're almost ready. Peter. RUN!!! black. PAVE HAWK . I do security. Shane considers. knocked unconscious. Shane drops.
HOSPITAL . SHANE .7. sir. unassuming. HOSPITAL . grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.O. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. and takes Charles' Briefcase.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Everything is ablaze. Bill sits down beside the bed. There is huge explosion. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. unconscious. Shane reaches out.. but he does it anyway. Captain. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. in slow-motion.. EXT. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. You're the best man I ever trained. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. A Huey Helicopter lands. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant.it hurts to salute. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. despondent.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.friendly.: Everything is a blur. He takes a long look at Shane. He looks around. And a good friend. I know sir. PAVE HAWK . as the chopper ignites. barely conscious. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .V. SHANE'S P. His arm and face bandaged. He holds a REPORT in his hand. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. He sees Charles.
BILL Not a surprise.a genius. Bill considers this.S. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. is still out there. BILL . SHANE The case was empty sir. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. 8. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. really.O. He can't believe his good fortune. disconnects an IV.H. He called it G.H. and starts to rise. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.S.. Then.T. G. as I stated in my report.. SHANE Sir.O. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. he pulls off bandages. and sits opposite Shane. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.SHANE He had to call his family. disappointed. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.. Bill shakes his head. Thank you. I'm gonna need the mini sub... A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. .. I. He pulls up a chair. Shane sits up.T. It's not that kind of mission. appreciate your confidence. Invigorated. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.
call Lt.) Honey.NIGHT . Searched the place.. I love you. BILL The professor's wife requested you. She told me someone had broken into her home. Either way.. Whoever killed the professor must think G. CHARLES (O. sir. Shane is shocked. Maybe it is. anyway. Widow. (MORE) 9.. intrigued. Shane Wolfe... I'm alive.. The family's scared. I've never been very good with kids. is in that house.. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.T. He's a good man.H.O.Shane listens. SHANE'S APARTMENT . Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that... we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. BILL .if anything happens to me. I need someone to stay at that house. top to bottom. I'll call you in an hour. I should go. and protect them. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.S. Shane is surprised. presses play. hearing the dead man's voice.S. sir. Not even when I was a kid sir.. maybe it isn't. I got a call from the professor's wife. It's just that. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. CUT TO: INT. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.
peering up at him.V.then the door swings open. machete.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. they all go in.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. It SQUEAKS. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.O. Shane looks down -. He looks at for a moment. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. Shane eyes Lulu. with toys all over the lawn. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). Lulu eyes Shane. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. ready for anything. SUBURBAN STREET .s. Shane heads to the door. Shane frowns. . night vision goggles. Shane double-checks the address. 8.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. camouflage vest.. identical to the one he wears.Shane packs his duffel bag. The sprinklers go off. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane's P. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.. He rejects it. EXT. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. 10. Shane looks like a bad ass.and sees LULU. and pulls out a small. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Hm. we're not interested.. also identical to the one he wears.. He reaches in. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. WE hear TINY FEET approach -.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
This could all be over! BILL (o.Nighttime -. INT.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.) Julie. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.MORNING stand hug Julie..s. Helga will . JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Julie and Shane share a look.the family eats dinner. INT.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.NIGHT Shane. LIVING ROOM . JULIE That's wonderful. Swiss law says only his family can access it. I think it could contain GHOST. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. The phone RINGS inside. Through the window. entersJULIE I'll be there. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga and the Kids in the doorway.s. with her suitcase.. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . BILL (o. We slowly pull out. 14.s. I have some potentially good news. Julie casually answers it.) There's a catch. it's Bill Fawcett. through the kitchen window. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Shane.. listening to the conversation.
. it's just. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. do it. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.we'll be fine. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. I love you guys. are you licensed to kill? .. it's my job to worry. ZOE Mom -. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Helga will take care of everything else. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. H S . HELGA Everything will be fine. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. chill.. And on the back door.. SHANE Don't worry. Mrs. I am a mom. They'll be safe with me. Plummer. No. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. ..... And on the phone. I'm gonna miss you. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I'll be back in 48 hours. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. And guys.handle everything.
You do something. Shane turns off the light. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .NIGHT hane rushes in -. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.. Immediately..he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.NIGHT Shane. Shane heads down the hall. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. SHANE (CONT'D) .5.. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. when in the corner of his eye -.. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.s. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. I make bottle.. pouring in Cheerios.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. Shane shakes his head. He shuts off the - . on a short ladder. INT. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.. Gary suddenly FLIES by . SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. looks around for the CRYING BABY.. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. elga stomps out. can't find him.
ZOE Okay. EXT. I'll call you. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. They both tumble to the ground. SHANE Not with this kid... tool. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. runs off. 16. S COTT . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. but alright. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Shane runs.. Zoe! . SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Zoe -.window alarm and sneaks out silently.. jumps onto the trampoline. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager.. calling out from across the street.BACK YARD . He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. fine. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. He's dazed. ZOE He's my boyfriend. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane LIFTING him in the air. house like a marionette. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. come on Scott.. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.go back inside. .
. so we're up kind of early. The Alarm's still blaring. THE CHUNS.. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Oh.. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Oh.. no accent) We speak English. MR. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . A simple misunderstanding. CHUN (perfect English. and we found this in our pool filter. Shane addresses them. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. pop their heads out. Sorry. We had an intruder.NIGHT .. They're arguing with each other in Korean. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Shane stands there. Shane's about to head inside. fuming. huh baby-sitter? Mr.. PLUMMER HOUSE . Kojak. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. SHANE MRS.Zoe storms inside. MR. Look. we own a bakery. SHANE My apologies. I INT. CHUN . Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The alarm stops. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.
hane marches Zoe up the stairs. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). S W 1 8. Shane shuts her door. Shane marches back down the hall. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Zoe falls backwards into the room. She has to hop on one foot. Loud. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. lower than the floor. Shane flips her foot in the air.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. to not fall over. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. . He "hops" her down the hall to her room. ZOE Who do you think you are -.s. You should have told her the truth. SHANE Not anymore. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Bite me! Shane frowns.) sing). continues down the hall.
PLUMMER HOUSE . . Peter in his bed.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. She does. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.laugh and laugh. The Children. one step back. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. Then jumps up. warm orange light. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Three steps forward. to their beds. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. INT. Shane shakes his head. just like the crabs do. and do the Peter Panda Dance. EXT. T Z Z T 19. In the bedrooms. he wriggles on the floor. HOUSE .groove. then "crab-walks" sideways. in bed -.
CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Helga runs through in hair curlers. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Not in front of the kids.MORNING Todd sits up.. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. HALLWAY .odd is out cold. Move. You're insane. like she's been electrocuted. 20 .and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. oe is wrapped in blankets. INT. TODD'S ROOM . Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. L Move. carrying the crying baby. ODD It's Sunday. not understanding what's happening. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. disoriented.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Todd blinks groggily.m. motionless. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Suddenly his door flies open -. Covering their ears. half-asleep and angry. S .
sucking on a bottle. No highway option. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. . shocked. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. INT..do you. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.he gives him a look of disbelief. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. lined up tallest to shortest. Your behavior is unacceptable.. KITCHEN .LATER The children are assembled. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. L 21. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.do you. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.) Shane's jaw drops. ladies. HELGA (She curses Again. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.. in Romanian..
Red baby. he's furious. Everyone cracks up. Red Leader. ZOE I am not wearing that. He tries the knob. Touch that -. Angry.. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.a tense silence. where's the older male? There were five. End of chain. The panic button is only for emergencies. wait. Now that I know I can't trust you.. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Shane bounds up the stairs. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Everyone stares blankly -. but it's locked.you better be dying.and you do it. Shane bangs hard on it. Red 2. S ULU (CONT'D) . It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Never take them off. I tell you what to do -.. or you're dead. P eter farted.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. He yells at her. So you are -. SHANE Tracking devices. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. ZOE He's in his room.(pointing) Red 1. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.. INT. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.
then CRASHES inward. He has to go..LATER ZOE .22. The entire frame collapses. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. hits Shane on the head. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. patrolling.. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. She stops at Todd's door -. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. and head down the hall.they glare at Shane. this wouldn't have happened. Zoe comes up the stairs.. Todd nods in agreement. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.. to her room. INT.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Oops. A piece of the ceiling falls. Shane steps aside.MORNING . the destroyed door and wall. He sees Shane. If you'd been wearing it. I can fix this. Down the hall -. HALLWAY .a FLUSH.
His head shifts. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. LULU This house is haunted.the rumble of a car approaching. I don't know. Really? His eyes light up. Shane turns.LATER . SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Lulu SHANE Hey. HALLWAY . He said there's a ghost. Peter Booos again.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Daddy even said so. Peter! screams. just as -. He rushes for the front door. hey. And then it hits Shane. he hears something suspicious -. L S 23.WHACK -.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Lulu hides behind Shane. to see that Peter is chasing her.S. wearing a towel as a sheet. He pretends to be a ghost. hard. PAPERBOY (O. INT. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.
a creak. STAIRWAY . Shane scans it. as laundry flutters down from above. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. ZOE Here he comes. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.. When he hears an alert from his laptop. inally.. MR. T IGHT . then turns his attention to his laptop. F . scanning the ceiling.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Zoe whispers.ZOE AND TODD . carrying a huge laundry basket. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. pushing. all the way down. He goes back to the living room. He RAPS again. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall.. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. I INT. Searching.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. BANGING her head and ass on each step. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.Shane walks slowly down the hall.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. She screams.. listening for hollow spaces. Nothing.. feeling. Then -. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. appears. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.
He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. He feebly gets up. 25. we're going to have to file a complaint. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. It's taking him a LONG time. Not in Switzerland. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. If we can't get some faster service. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. then licks his finger to turn the page.DAY Bill and Julie.DAY Establishing. He jumps to his feet. SWISS BANK . . INT.They gulp. They wait patiently -. looking jet-lagged. He seems to be about 100 years old. He licks his finger again. ZOE Uh-oh. Bill can't stand it anymore. Then looks back to the paperwork. EXT. BANKER Marcel! out. but can't get the page to turn. I can't. this is an urgent matter.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. SWISS BANK . He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. mouthing along in FRENCH. The Banker looks at him blankly. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. terrified. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd.
and Helga dashes for the door. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Peter's in the aquarium. But I can tell you -. I QUIT. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. grabbing her foot.Shane tries to block her path. As she tries to wrestle it away. Suddenly. Shane moves for the phone. the chief does not speak English. The duck flies around. He grabs her suitcase. remain calm -- 26. MARCEL. QUACKING. Shane picks up the receiver.Another Banker. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. He DRAGS her back. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.you will have access to the box tout-suite. Oui. RING! Amid the chaos. Shane dives. PLUMMER HOUSE . suitcases in hand. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. The suitcase handle breaks off. HELGA I am calm. heads to the door -. enters. As soon as your background checks clear. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. JULIE Thank you.SAME TIME Helga. How long is that? INT. SHANE (CONT'D) .
the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.everything's fine.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. and Shane falls back. 27. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Shane lets go. He picks up his hand. EXT. CRUNCH. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. (covering the phone. against the counter.Ah. that landed on a diaper.. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Duty. HOUSE . Helga struggles to get him off. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Just doing my. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Shane body-checks it closed.. Shane hangs up the phone. Mrs.. Mrs..Helga falls forwards. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Plummer.
He drops his head.he slowly glances up.. listen up.. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. There's been a change of plans. ANGLE . ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. SHANE Okay. Then -. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. baby cries. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. she'll come back. we're just gonna have some more big fun. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. INT. in the rear window.. HOUSE . dumbfounded. In the meantime. to find the kids are all gloomy. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. Helga glares back.CONTINUOUS Shane enters.Helga jumps in the cab.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. . TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. if she loves you. defeated. takes a deep breath and strides inside.SHANE Rises. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. The 28.. ANGLE .
and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. And then -. repelled. SShane GROANS.. CLOSE-UP . your enthusiasm.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face.. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. Using the tools as chopsticks. everyone bolts from the room. HEY! Even Peter runs. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. INT. inundated. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. I'm Navy. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time.SHANE He gulps. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. takes a deep breath. Nobody will help. All for one. Only then can we rise to the challenge. holding his nose. . Until -. Pure self-preservation.it flops open. nice moment. BATHROOM . 29. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. SHANE Whoa.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters.
SHANE The things I do for my country. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU Hi. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.) Thank you. Aghast. Shane tries approaching -. over and over and over. SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. he looks around for a solution. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt.. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. then FLUSHES. I think you're cute. Lulu doesn't go away. INT. like a puppy. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. he looks down to see Lulu. Lulu follows at his heels.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. HALLWAY .. . it starts making Shane uncomfortable. she just stares at him. She follows.he can't do it. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu is in her pj's. 30. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.
and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. proud of his accomplishment. pulling down the shades on every window." dubious. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. The Kids stare at "breakfast. . all the kids asleep. and patrols. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. little girl. And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu looks at him. KITCHEN . Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar.it's time for you take a nappypoo. All the lights are out. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.Shane walks room to room.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. 31. I can get lots more of those. The kids sit down at their designated spots. INT.BREAKFAST . Shane breathes a sigh of relief. in beddibye land. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. Shane smiles. like he's an idiot. and shuts off her light. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. Todd.
SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. LULU . The table cloth is yanked to the floor. trying to hear over the screaming. all for one.. And the phone rings. Wanna see? Negative.. ZOE He's only two. I can cross my eyes. Peter stands in his chair. So -. Shane answers. We're gonna pull together. Shane sighs. If I say in.is not here to take care of you now. Peter starts bawling...who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. He runs away. ladies. one for all.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. crying. then at Tyler -. you go out. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.here's how it's gonna be. too. Your mama -.. you stay in.. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. dancing. . I don't have any idea what you're talking about... Shane turns to Lulu. if I say out.. (then:) Yes.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.
h. LULU We're gonna be late. GARAGE . GARAGE . ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. He said if you're late again. Zoe smiles at him. and at that . you and Todd are expelled.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. backwards at sixty m. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. dramatically unveiling Shane." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. EXT. EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . perfect parallel park.. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. yes. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. I know it's Monday. He wants to see you in his office. into a TINY parking spot -. INT. It hits ZERO. Across his chest. SHANE Not on my watch.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive..a death defying. He hangs up. It just doesn't add up.. sir. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. innocently. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . With your ..p.. Oh. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Thank you. legal guardian. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.. INT. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.M. Shane fumbles with it for a while... The Minivan skids completely sideways. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. A big suburban school.9:29 A.
You're in my house now. conduct and truancy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE .moment. holding Peter on a harness. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. as he plays on the floor. Shane. Duane. mortified. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. They're the worst students in my school. The Kids are seated around him. a few days. She's attractive. whatever work you can get. assured. tough.. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. He withers. The Kids crack up. . Well. He's HUGE and mean. son? SHANE Wolfe. Looks like Mrs. V. K thru 12. Murney is unimpressed. I coach wrestling. Plummer finally listened. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. He glares at Shane.. too. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. I'm Murphy. Out of twenty-three. boy. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Top to bottom. they needed a parole officer. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Lieutenant. Murney is furious. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month.P in charge of discipline.
. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Plummer called my captain.. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Get moving. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. fuming. as he casually holds the three kids. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. (then. Principal Claire eyeballs him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. She told me all about you. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Plummer. He exits. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard.two little red DOTS move away. impressed. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Mrs.. I think I can handle this from here. Red 2. 34. staring him up and down. SHANE Red 1. I am in charge of. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.and suddenly reacts. You see. BELL rings.. Lieutenant. The opens the door for Murney. What are you doing in my office. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. The teens hustle off to their classes. Good. Claire sees this -..Good morning kids. that as vice principal.
The 35.. to balance Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".(Shane nods. and the way I run my school. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. SHANE . (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground... Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. Claire looks nervously around. On the spot. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . She lifts her pants leg.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.MID-MORNING seeShane. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Service paid for my college. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. SHANE "Honor.. SHANE . So. Welcome aboard. SHANE Can't be too careful... dead serious. Just try not to frighten the children. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. That's the way I live my life. Courage. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted..
as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Zoe. in line to get lunch. BINOCULARS P. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Beside Shane..last time: Open the hanger. two. Save us both a world of pain. He turns to the person front of him. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.V. picks up a pair of binoculars. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. yanks his hood over his head. like a tether ball. delighted.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. INT. Official Business. does the same. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.O.O.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Todd. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. sitting in the back row of a class. CAFETERIA . Shane closes the computer. Now -. with stern intensity.. SHANE Give up now. turns her back to him embarrassed. Todd. Black Hawk coming in. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. He checks his tracking device. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. 36 .. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.V..Clean as a whistle. . one.
lieutenant. Principal Claire smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. I guess.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. Mr..I out rank you. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Sure.. Tyler laughs. You're on dry land. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. A whole day. not so dry where you're sitting.but you're pretty good at this. huh? Shane gives her a look. When you agreed to serve your country.) Shane... Seriously. Claire smiles. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. with milk. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. I'm impressed. man. ignoring him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids... 37. SHANE Hey -.Tyler gurgles. you don't. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. (she toasts. (she looks at his chair) Well. you know. . Oh. Shane sighs. Can I call you Shane? . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He yanks Tyler away from him.
MURNEY He did. VP Murney is watching.That's. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Personally .. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. the crowd freezes. MURNEY You heard the lady. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Zoe.. next week's tournament is off. Look at him.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. in the crowd.. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. cheering. LUNCH-LINE . I don't care who starts it. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. Murney smirks. (Todd) 38. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. unusual. and the sound of Students in an uproar. As soon as they see the Principal. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. and "punches fists" with him. INT. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. but not stopping it. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.
SHANE . the crowd breaks up. flinch. Todd lunges at him.. 39 . Todd shakes him off and heads to class.I'm a black belt myself. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. He'd kill you so fast. Nice moves. I'm on duty. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Maybe some other time then. sticking the landing.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . MURNEY Oh. MURNEY Pretty slick.total control. yeah. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Sorry.. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. (low. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. promise I'll go easy on you. The Bell rings. sir.. Don't even think it. stopping an inch from Shane's head. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Murney. Frogman -. I forgot you had to baby-sit. SHANE . Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. . That's right. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Boys'll be boys. what do you say? Come on.Todd lands on his feet. Murney approaches Shane...I think that's a little harsh. Maybe you could stop by practice. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. man.
It leads him to a door. Shane recoils in disgust. He bursts though it.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. following his tracking device. as he keeps watch.change him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Then Shane smells what she means -. Have fun. Tyler is crying. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . Lt.. doing a shoulder roll. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Bathroom's down the hall.CONTINUOUS . Panicked. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. and not cry. Uh. The Principal strolls up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. holding Tyler out like a grenade.Tyler's diaper is full.. SCHOOL HALLWAY .. Roger that. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .. Not my job. SHANE Oh -. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.. 40. for one who'll eat. But. INT. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Emergency! SHANE INT.. Just then.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. another dollar twenty.INT. minus taxes.
a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. EXT.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. He hands her to the Principal. CONSTRUCTION SITE . almost tipping the minivan. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. EXT. At that moment. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. HALLWAY . He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. I INT. They make a sharp right. are heading away from the school fast. through the fence. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.the Class applauds.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . BUSY INTERSECTION . Shane is furious. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. He leaps out of the minivan.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Thanks.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. but the FINAL BELL rings.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Shane lands in fight stance -.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. racing down the road ahead of Shane. 41. EXT. with the Panic Button in her hand. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He blasts through a red light. Shane makes a right. He speeds away after them. SHANE EXT. Lulu is in front of the class.
ANGLE .SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. and the sound of OMINOUS. He catches his breath. No sweat. then checks the tracker -. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. all brandishing tools. He takes a deep breath and dives under.It's dark and dank. Shane easily takes them out. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. feet away. It's horrific. you're about to get a beat down. PLUMMER HOUSE . they hear the front door open.LIVING ROOM .LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.SHANE He's alone. Shane pries off the manhole cover.the DOTS are CLOSE. SEWER . He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.section. Shane lowers himself down. .then gasps -. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. He winces. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. INT. SQUISHY footsteps. Shane trudges through the river of muck.then RUN. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. then checks his tracker. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. INT. IN THE MANHOLE . Three Workers rush him. and charges through. From outside. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.
The Cop looks at them. KITCHEN . thank you. then covers their noses. Ditto. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. he doesn't say anything. The Cop leaves. BATHROOM . (into his radio:) Cancel that a..Then the door swings open. . Covering her nose.. Todd stiffens. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. revealing Shane. She practically GAGS as she passes him. weird hair. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. with a smirk. use our nonemergency number. looking like a Swamp Creature. BACK YARD . INT. Zoe checks him out as he goes. Call. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. 43 INT.b. If you need anymore help. Zoe fixes her hair. 16 year old female. INT... The Cop turns to Shane.p. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. . The smell is BAD. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself..LATER Shane is in the shower. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. Everyone gasps. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.
Shane. pulling Lulu after him.) Get rid of them. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. Lulu starts to sniffle. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. FAMILY ROOM . in just a towel.. He sees on the fridge. You gotta help me out. they're staring at him. it's Monday. 4. SHANE (O. we can't go the Jamboree.. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.all junk food. Mom's our den mother. He looks at it. They already think I'm a loser. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. Monday.Shane enters. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . (whispers:) Come on. LULU We have to. The Brownies applaud. 4 . SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.a dozen little girls in uniforms. LULU I can't. cringing in disgust. close to tears.S. and whistle. INT. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. They won't be home `til ten. If we don't sell enough cookies.
wait here. Indian Style. KITCHEN . then drills it into place. ladies. INT. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. Now -. Shane sighs. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. ZOE . Shane blows passed her.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room.Lulu's about to burst into tears. unpacking boxes of cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. INT. INT. yeah.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. I'm scared of you. SHANE Alright. at attention. revving a cordless POWER DRILL.MOMENTS LATER Shane. LIVING ROOM . They are assembled. BROWNIE Den Mother? . back in "uniform. do as I say... .. I'm gonna be your den -commander. Zoe's on the phone.. getting ready to go." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. SHANE Good. Here's how it's gonna be. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. the other to his back.. ZOE'S BEDROOM . He's not just locking them -. he's a total psycho. Tonight.
nothing even looks like food. hits speed-dial.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.. I dunno if that's a good idea. GROCERY STORE .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan."what are you. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. ZOE .. Snack packs. GROCERY STORE .. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. INT...MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. No. He looks around at the bright.5. SHANE I gotta get supplies. (she listens:) Hm. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.. but if anything happens.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor.. He smiles. it's like Oz or something. I can see you through the window.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. GROCERY STORE . DRIVEWAY . but they're .. the camera CRANES up to. 4 EXT. He sees: a huge. Zoe picks up the phone. nuts?" EXT. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. GROCERY STORE . EXT. Tyler looks at him -... Scott..PARKING LOT . as he pushes a cart into the store. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. he's got us on lock-down. NOTHING looks familiar -. EXT.
but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT.. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. I haven't seen anybody. chubby CUB SCOUTS. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. they're back.. One The Brownies take off running. The Cub Scouts high-five.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. clutching their boxes.. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. before I get my face punching badge on you. and lets her go. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. One of the Brownies spots something. He rips it open.. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . we see who she means: A group of bad ass.noticing very shy. menacingly.. Finally. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. but can't get away. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. EXT. He laughs. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. .she tugs and tugs. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. you Skeever? . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. GROCERY STORE .
The Brownies scream.22's. He heads toward the Scouts. Get in the car. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . CHEESE . you're supposed to take us to dinner. Not cookies. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Shane's monitor starts beeping. and points at Lulu's Panic button.A LITTLE LATER . we're going home. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. 47. EXT. He firmly tells Lulu.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Cheese MANAGER. He wears . He bends down. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.2ND SCOUT Nope. If I don't come back -avenge my death. CHUCK E. I'm here to protect you. Around his neck. trembling. PARKING LOT . Where? SHANE INT.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.
. This much The Manager laughs.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Shane's watching Peter.. Lulu approaches. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. this much cyanide. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. the Chuck E. skee Brownies are running around. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. The Manager approaches Shane. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. playing video games and ball.CHAOS. On stage. A LITTLE LATER: 48. Cheese automaton band JAMS. Cheese! Wider reveals. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice... while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. .braces and head-gear.. which causes him to lisp. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.
spins her. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 .. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. then cracks her in half over his knee. They begin. The second round starts.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Shane even get one punch in -. He cracks his knuckles. Then he a joy stick. LULU The Hulk can. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. I thought you liked combat. Unless you're scared. and then a kick in the face.she pins him to the ground. Lulu screams out with her fighter. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. SHANE That's not fair. Lulu picks a small female character. My joystick's broken. Nobody can jump thirty feet. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. He checks over his shoulder -. then kicks him in the face. Round three starts. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. kneels on his head. He steps up to the machine. Shane is taking it really seriously. stretches.LULU I pressed two player. He's really mad. . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.
oops too slow.take a shot. it's my job to worry. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. come on -. INTERCUT WITH: INT. but he can't hit her.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. its joystick dangling by its wires.. INT. leaving the sizzling machine. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. the Zhouse is quiet. Lulu's having fun now. He is KO'd..stop worrying.. swing and a miss. He and the Brownies sneak away. Shane's really fuming. HOTEL ROOM . LULU You're not even trying....CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. dancing. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. LULU Too slow. 50. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. Shane's working the joy stick hard... PLUMMER HOUSE .SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. ZOE Mom -. She keeps dancing.LIVING ROOM . Sparks fly. ZOE . while he pounds the buttons. swinging and missing... jumping.. slamming buttons.. It's really annoying..
Tonight I'm just doing homework -. MALL PARKING LOT . counting them.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). . ZOE Dude. And the folks who read my BLOG. kids everywhere. VARIOUS SHOTS .Seriously.LIVING ROOM . loads Brownies into the minivan. 51. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. but you know I have to do this. we're okay.. INT. Don't worry. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . EXT.The Plummer House: . who doesn't seem concerned at all. ZOE I know. Zoe rolls her eyes.. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. everything's cool. not cool. She turns to Scott.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. ZOE Dude. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. this is outta hand. PLUMMER HOUSE . I love you.in my cell. up. I hate leaving you.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. The guy's just a control freak. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. JULIE It's only a few more days. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle.
the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. SHANE Inexcusable. again. gasping.for a long time. move. and goes down for the diaper.. move! Go go! EXT. We see what he forgot: PETER. INT. Shane grimaces.. He charges across the room with the diaper. Silence. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. to leave a man behind like that. Whoa. He's holding the diaper. He's still down there. He disappears under the balls -..not okay. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. CHEESE . freestyling in the ball pool -. SHANE . the Brownies follow. CHUCK E. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. S 52. Not okay.LATER .they almost always do. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. SUBURBAN ROAD .MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. He holds his breath. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. is fine. out away from him. The Manager is watching him. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.... LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.Move. MANAGER Relax. Suddenly.
CLUB lock off the door. scared..'s turntables. EXT. Shane snatches it mid-air -..then CRUSHES the ball. Scott. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane takes Lulu. jocks throwing footballs. Now.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. Reeling. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. then RUN.. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. vents.. Party's over..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. a total wreck... Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in.and groans in disbelief. at a full run. windows.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. as he pulls up in the Minivan. trying to understand.KITCHEN .NIGHT Shane is exhausted.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Outraged. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. 53. Peter and Tyler up the path.J. making out. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. chugging drinks. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. He gets out -. peeing in the bushes. we're gonna do this . SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.
and rubs his finger UNDER IT. residue. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. straightening -. mopping. ladies. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. He hands Scott the mop. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. furiously clean. trying to maintain his dignity. through binoculars.then he notices something.. PLUMMER HOUSE . CUT EXT.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.no highway option. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . INT... He lifts the sofa. INT. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Miserable TEENS scrub. Clean. In a bathroom. Shane's eyes narrow. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.my way -. Scott gulps . Oh my god.CONTINUOUS . in Playtex gloves. He holds it up to a KID. He fumes.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. labeled with a Sharpie.. Shane goes over them.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. They see Shane find the CD. and walk out of sight.. Scott and Zoe. PLOP. as kids clean. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. he takes it off. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . It reads: GHOST. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.
furniture polished. PLUMMER HOUSE .VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Rambo. They show no respect for you or your house. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. INT. ueasy. My friends will never come here again. Zpounding on doors. Because you have no respect for yourself. PLUMMER HOUSE . It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. downstairs! He walks down the hall. helpless.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Thanks a lot. ZOE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. shaky and furious. Lulu's crying. outside the bathroom door. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Zoe gets up. You're like a robot... Shane . He heads upstairs.into the bathroom..ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. sits down. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Todd picks her up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Zoe blows past him -. CUT TO: EXT. where she throws up. Shane stands. (Announces:) Company.. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Scott's the last one to leave. she pukes again. you hate us. and screams in Shane's face. ZOE I do too respect myself. After a beat. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you.
I'm gone. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. close-quarters and fast. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. NINJA GHOST -.55. SHANE Puberty.the three fight.hand it over! staffs. I'm not the man for this job. They leap down after him. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. as soon as your mom comes back. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Not even from the enemy. Suddenly -. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.. pounding him with their . Wielding with great skill. The Ninjas attack. SHANE You're right. all in black BURST in through the window. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. fiercely -... talking doesn't do any good. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Shane spins in fight-stance.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. He goes down.. Don't worry. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Go to your rooms.the power goes out.. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.they're good. Suddenly. TWO NINJAS. tired) It's Scott. Red 1.
blinding him. and grabs it.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. Shane fends the Ninjas off. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. He pulls the string..like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. . NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. Shane crashes down. The Ninjas move towards him -. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.. Shane runs to the changing table.. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. PLAYROOM . then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. avoiding Legos. SHANE Okay -. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. he hits a Ninja in the head.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. 56 INT. With his foot. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. WHACK.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. a squeezes . it makes a silly thunk. and flings them all over the floor. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.. fiercely. They step back. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. toys fly.. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. and uses them both to fend off blows.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. facing them. several FURBIES hit the floor.then the Ninjas charge..knocking him into. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.
It's okay. SHANE It's safe. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. blinded. bawling. ANGLE .SHANE 57.. The cloud dissipates. quietly knocks. terrified... he hugs Peter and Lulu. Todd and Zoe enter. Kids. He squints. disappointed to have lost them. that your father invented.. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. Shane isn't sure what to do. Then. HALLWAY . The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.. Shane bangs the window sill.. TODD Who were they? What did they want. INT.. Shane approaches Zoe's door. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone..SECONDS LATER Composing himself. He really hugs them. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. SHANE Shhh.. fearful. and Shane sees he's now alone.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. He A long pause -. You can open up.then the door creaks open. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. .. He runs to the broken window. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.? SHANE They're looking for a program. He sprays it in Shane's face. He hugs them.
COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. They want this.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. LIVING ROOM . INT. Then.. all smiles. Then.they all jump.. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.. I'll listen to you too. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. He looks Zoe..okay? Zoe and Todd nod. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. From now on. SHANE They're not after you. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. as long as I'm here. Zoe answers it. eye to eye. "Unchained Melody. the other kids join in. Shane is furious -. and do what I say. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. you listen to me.then they hug him. absolutely nothing pottery . The kids shudder. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. Shane offers his hand to shake. They hug him tighter. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.. Soon. They shake -. 58. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. it's been a long night. startled.a long pause. CLOSE-UP . And I'm not going anywhere.. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. too." And then. But nothing's gonna happen to you. Deal? Truce -. relieved. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.
SHANE Mrs. but they didn't find it.. Shane takes the phone. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. Don't worry -.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. and Shane emerges with the five kids. INTERCUT: INT. They're gone. . I'm gonna be sticking even closer. yes and no. SHANE (very genuine) . But we're not sure what it is. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. We just don't know what its for. You have any luck? JULIE Well. Plummer. We found something in the box.. students run in to school. The minivan pulls up.happened you should worry about. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. She holds up the strange..we'll be just fine.it's okay. everyone's fine. Nope. It looks like some kind of "key". metal two pronged KEY. SHANE No . EXT. two men tried to get into the house tonight. HOTEL ROOM . They were looking for GHOST.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59.. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.. SCHOOL ..MORNING Early morning.
.. a crazed TEACHER next to her. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. I know it's good. He is gesticulating. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . MURNEY . and smiles at Shane. then BRAKES. "yeah. mortified. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. LULU'S CLASSROOM .DAY Driver's Ed. reacting each time she HITS the gas. Zoe sits in a folding chair. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. EXT. who sits in the back.she'll pay for the damage. He dips an INT. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. SCREAMING." Then. car -.. shaking his head.. HITS the gas. THE GYM . in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. squashed at a little desk.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. Murney stands. egg in some purple dye. SHANE Don't worry. Lulu's classmates all chant. making a mess of an egg. Peter 60 She smiles.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters.INT. Shane stands off to the side. she wrecked a driver's Ed. Principal Claire next to him. An obstacle course with cones. ANGLE on Lulu. ANGLE on Shane. So. Shane nods. LULU'S CLASSROOM .. then BRAKES. They look concerned. sunglasses on.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).
and Shane walks them out. it's not that -. He does always miss sixth period...) See if you can talk to the boy. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.. Shane stops. Shane scowls. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. I was doing a little recon in his locker. but -. what do you expect. . MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. giving him a "skinhead" look. and I'm not sure what to do.. Todd and Zoe stand to go. Zoe shrugs. what's going on. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.it's the boy. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. Todd enters.. 61. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. And that's not all.... No. Murney calls into the hallway. Shane gives Zoe a look. boys will be boys -..yes.I'm a bit concerned.That? Lady drivers. But this..but this is just sick. SHANE He's not a NAZI. (pulls Shane aside. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.
. Shane walks the kids out. MURNEY It's a date then.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. Kung team: Shane walks away. and leaves.that whole family's no good. and leaps at Shane. Without warning. as he passes. Shane.. stretching.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. huh? (Shane ignores him. and keeps walking. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. we'll give these boys a treat. MURNEY You're a good man. I promise I won't hurt you. SHANE I'll talk to him. 62. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Shane trips forwards to his knees. and Murney chases after him. Murney laughs. I'll show you a couple moves. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . if you ask me. SHANE Another time.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. maybe. kicking him in the BACK. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.
signal me. running around the corner. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. peering out her window. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Keep all doors sealed. preheat the oven.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Murney his head. keeping the contact. so the alarm didn't go off. It looks like Shane might fight. EXT.. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane screws the window shut. with a flowered basket.shakes Shane turns back. He sees Zoe. Shane hops out the window. SHANE Wait Todd. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. I want to talk to you. TODD'S ROOM . and leaves. you're in charge. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. On the corner. INT. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Nothing.. Todd runs towards the house. He enters.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Shane looks out the window -. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. do your homework. It's small for him. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. but he . and snickers to his Team. he can see Todd.far down the block. SHANE Smart kid. The window is wide open. Shane parks. It's pink. but instead he takes a deep breath. He starts to shut the window.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Shane shakes his head. SHANE COMPANY -. show's off.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. Shane's glare. TODD . girls'll think I'm... He smiles. Todd looks up at Shane...What if. or not? Everyone nods... they're not sure what to do. Todd looks devastated -.. weird or something? 66 . they quickly assemble on stage. it's over. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Shane looks at the Cast. BEAT. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.... Shane straightens up. Chicks dig guys who can dance.. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. LIESL We don't have a director.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Liesl chimes in... SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.
.. Shane exits. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. I called him in his room.Yes... Scott. furious. I promise. No wait! . LULU'S ROOM .just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall... another girl picked up the phone. I don't know why I let it get to me... ZOE . BREAKING something.. He turns out the light. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE . I know it's no big deal. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. YES WHAT? SHANE .. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. He peeks in -. INT. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. INT. It's stupid.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . angrily.LATER . SHANE Okay. I won't touch him. He hears Zoe in her room.
He sits on the bed. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo... SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. Shane looks at her surprised. Then he starts: SHANE Okay... setting up the scene with DOLLS.Uh. So -they waited for cloud cover. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. Went into the magic forest. and they came in from the north.. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. Stumped. To find a secret gnome.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. he illustrates. I 6 .. Let's see. The elves had to go in and take it out.. facility. ULU Tell me a story. (MORE) T S L 8... Once there was a family of Elves. on Lulu's floor. As Shane finishes the story.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. the little Elf family -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. Uranium.
And you ain't got a chance...mean standing. INT. from across the hall. and whispers to Peter..Rodriquez. Lulu's fallen asleep. Like dad used to do.. S 69. . or he won't stop.. I can't remember that thing. and do the Panda Dance. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. NURSERY . The wails get louder and LOUDER. TODD You have to do the dance.... c'mon. Even. He made it up for him... Then. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . SHANE Oh.. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Todd calls from the doorway. We got `em all.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. the teeniest little elf of all -. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. head in the door... Peter starts bawling. Peter WAILS. Shane sighs. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. TODD I'll write it down for you. lower than the floor.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep..
. just like the crabs do.) EXT..Shane sighs. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.MORNING . and gets in the driver's seat. Shane crab-walks sideways. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Humiliated. through the mirror. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Chun.. She gets out in shock.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. (Tyler in the snuggle). They turn to Zoe. SHANE Today you drive. T the A 70. GARAGE . terrified. Peter applauds. Shane. He sings again. Lulu is next to him. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. He does the dance as he sings. Chun gets his paper. Shane turns and catches Mr. with her Gameboy. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. The Kids sit bolt upright. staring. (He does. mortified. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. . S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Shane hops forward three times. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.
MINIVAN .. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.. not the road.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Shane is nervous. INT. Shane is shaky. The Kids share a dubious look. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No.ZOE But -. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Zoe backs jerkily out.. Touched. jerkily. Lulu and Todd are terrified.I can't even pass driver's Ed. I trust you. Keep going. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. but trying not to show it. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Exactly... no. She pulls out. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe is surprised. S P .
almost tapping a bus's rear fender. She's wearing a cute dress. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .LATER Zoe pulls to the curb..71. INT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. CAFETERIA ... Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Shane's . 1500 hours. laughing. Shane lets him down and heads into school.Claire BARKS out. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane jumps out of the car. KIDS boisterously run past. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. being obnoxious. Shane spots something. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Very funny.. Scott's terrified. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. EXT. hey head into the school. Broken promises lead to broken legs. trembling. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Before Scott knows what's happened. SHANE Good. Zoe smiles. severe stare) Now. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Next lesson. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane unclenches his teeth. terrified. and a little make-up. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). Chastened. Suddenly -.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Claire strides into view. with a few FRIENDS.
She smiles. Principal Claire sighs "not again. him by the ear. dragging . Suddenly. too. something. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Love it when he does that. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .eyes alight. sailor? Thanks. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. you never know who you're going to run into. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.. impressed. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. S he sits beside him. He smiles back.. SHANE hey eat in silence.. She's waiting for him to say. Shane leaps over the table. Shane`s not so good at small talk.. and offers him a milk. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. S T P .." In one move. It's a miracle. Wow.
Silence. Freak? The Students snicker. Murney turns around. MURNEY Winners never quit. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. now it all makes sense. I want to sing. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. M 73. What're you so scared of. Murney gets up in Shane's face. I quit. No one's sure they heard him right. I'm right here. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Talk. MURNEY I've had it. .. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. I. Then: TODD I am not scared.Murney shoves Todd forward.. It opens Friday. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs.. intimidated. Yeah I do. Murney.. Todd looks. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. boy. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. TODD Hey.
baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. furious -URNEY So -. There is a stunned moment -. Murney did not expect to be called out. Todd's telling the truth.it reads: . and a lot of CUTE GIRLS.Shane steps them. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. humiliated. M urney looks over at the Team.me.face to face. Let's do it. I'm the only one with the guts to do it.and then a mob of Students. Everyone is watching. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. Your ass is mine. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. The whole team wants to quit. He storms out. His voice cracks -. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. You win. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. The Gym. swarm Todd. TODD There is a man in my house -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. So calm. Murney looks around. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. They look to the ground sheepishly. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. taking flyers. it's scary S 74. protecting him. You suck.
GYM . Shane throws an arm around Todd. Shane side-steps. Todd cheers Shane on. Murney lands on his back. WHAM. Todd flops to the mat.3:00 mat. The bleachers are PACKED. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Murney bounds to his feet. mumbling something. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. and they head out. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. 3:00. rushes Shane.sending him right into the wall. and sweeps Murney -. hard. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. quietly twitching on the ground. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney. shocked." INT. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney.BAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. grabs onto Murney's waist. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. M URNEY on. S 75.
They walk out. FOREST . No brownies edible. Todd. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. I got my troops waiting. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . BUGS. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. When I Rwanda. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. 76 SHANE either. She gives him a thumbs up. TODD That was awesome. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. LULU We're Brownies. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. too. TO: EXT. The crowd cheers. If you're not sure. . the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable.Dislocated nerve. that's all. fascinated.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. Claire.
The Duck watches all this -. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. KICK.. INT. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.. He laughs at his own joke. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. she burns rubber. Zoe .DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. PUNCH..FRONT LAWN . PUNCH." INT. He illustrates the stage directions. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. In unison. MALL PARKING LOT . here.. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. and. OLD FACTORY . where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. The Kids don't get it.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. in between punches. in perfect tempo. he reaches out and rocks it. KICK. here at the top of the stairs. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.we'll put Von Trapps here.fascinated. NURSERY . EXT. Now the Nazis are gonna come in.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. He signals her. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. EXT. the Girls PUNCH. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.. Shane holds a stopwatch.she hits EVERY ONE -.
blur. OLD FACTORY . MALL PARKING LOT . INT..DAY -"1.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.FRONT LAWN . T I E 77.3. Shane gives her a signal. your life little girl. ODD ." Lulu. in we WIDEN back. PLUMMER HOUSE .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. NURSERY .. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.BACK YARD .DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard...out and weaves the cones. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. He counts begins wriggling free. They watch closely.. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. Hands a T .2... it teeters. EXT. EXT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. EXT. but doesn't fall. The Brownies attack. she only clips one.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. mercilessly. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.
SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Todd tries the kick. NURSERY . From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Graceful. but blows it. Then he tucks Peter in. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. SHANE I'm not your daddy. INT. He kisses Peter on the forehead.hard. he almost bursts into tears. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night." Singing and doing all the moves -.he's got it down. Peter. odd tries the spinning kick.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. now and then. adding a James Brown flourish.huh? Now. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. 8. Peter. He does a spin kick. Again. Graceful. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. THUD! Gazelle. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. Peter Panda. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . But sweet dreams.EVENING . Shane is so touched. daddy.
The Scout struggles.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. the Other Scouts are scared.they LAUGH. see them. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. INT. S SHANE That's my troop. scary. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. Across the lot. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The . U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. In one move. proud. As he's comparing prices -. 9. He smiles. striking a cool pose. wearing the double snuggle. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. at their own table.he sees.in a FLIP. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. tying him.MOMMY! She lets him go -..CONTINUOUS Shane shops. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. she wraps it around his arm. FORMATION. You're gonna have to pay for that. The Scouts share a look -. the Chubby Cub Scouts. but like lightning. he lands on the ground hard.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. OE I never even got to say good bye. talking excitedly. She throws her arms around Shane.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. BACK YARD . ANGLE . INT. we're on the first plane in the morning.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . happy. WITH: J INT. Shane answers it.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. the kids are all abuzz. The phone rings.soldier. J 82. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. A tear runs down Zoe's face. EXT. HALLWAY .SHANE He's left alone. HOTEL .
unblinking. he Duck stares.The house is dark. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Shane sits in a lawn chair. the Duck starts quacking.. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. GARAGE . Gary sits in the next chair. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. SHANE Just another assignment. your wings aren't clipped. hane rises. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. INT.NIGHT hane turns the light on. He pets the Duck. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Suddenly. Three squares a day.. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Kids to play S . How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. No reason for personal attachments. Shane turns. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Shane sighs morosely. with.
He tries muscles rippling.. He's been trying. shines it down the grate. The wheel spins. and then it gives. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. crack the lock all night. The break in its surface is a strange. INTERC UT: B harder. No hinges or cracks. Shane looks on stunned.. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Nothing. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.. Shane steps down it. DISSOLVE INT.SHANE What happened. he floor opens. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Lulu hands him a tool.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. INT.. The Kids are watching his progress.. . we see a CRANK WHEEL. only It's solid and inscrutable. GARAGE . He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.. Shane dials a phone. TO: to S 84. leading below the garage. unsuccessfully. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.
Through a window. It's in a steel vault. GARAGE . After we turn this in to my CO. relieved. GARAGE . I've been trying all night. Silently spying on Shane..don't do anything `til I get there.. MRS. TO: INT. I think I found GHOST. pleased. Do you have it? SHANE No. CHUN CUT BACK . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Away from Shane. he answers it.. and hangs up. GHOST.Lulu. W e PUSH INTO the house.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Bill reacts. SEDAN . towards the neighbor's house.. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. BILL . can't crack it. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Julie sits beside him. sir. Bill's cell phone rings. Except for -. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark.EXT.. excited. TO: INT. Everyone reacts happily. Okay. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. She looks stricken. We'll be there shortly -.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure.. don't do anything further. An ominous pause.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.
he has no answer. Julie and Bill hop out. She trails off. so they probably trashed the place. KIDS VOICES .O. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. should be home soon. HOUSE . in shock.they hear. I 85. comes into the dark hall.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .SHANE He goes silent. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. The fish tank is clear. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. LULU But. Kids singing a beautiful. JULIE'S HOUSE .DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.: The house is spotless. SHANE You guys better get ready. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music).V. J JULIE'S P. Tongue-tied. in the next room. Bill is carrying her suitcases.. The rug is vacuumed. Lulu? You should be happy.. INT. Shane -.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong..
Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Zoe is in a conservative dress.. She sees. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. KITCHEN . The Kids rush forward and hug her. ZOE Welcome home. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. smiling. then salutes back) Good job. featuring Todd.. Peter is fresh faced. S SHANE Captain. no dishes in the sink.. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. for a thousand years. Bill steadies her.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean.(singing. a capella) . Across the room. Lulu has bows in her hair. Lieutenant. She staggers to. ( B 6. Shane sees Bill enter. DINING ROOM . Julie goes to the. with songs they have sung... attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Dumb-struck. 8 JULIE almost faints. INT. picture- ... Julie starts bawling. BILL (he smiles wryly. mom. INT.
an ANGRY VOICE. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Sir. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. anywhere you want. And I think I want to explore that some more. surprised.. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . Don't get me wrong. Shane continues. S S 87. pause) But I'll have to think about it. all I've never known is the military.. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. SHANE That's kind of you.DAY Shane leads Bill inside.. Suddenly.INT. BILL I should hope not. Bill stops. reluctant. Shane. You just name it. ILL I'm really proud of you. GARAGE .. Bill holds the pronged key. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.
startled. CLOSE-UP ... Shane shoots Bill a glance. and Mrs.. He takes a submissive position. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. he looks up as he drops.when suddenly. Mrs. confused. B 88.. and starts to fall. Chun comes closer.. Shane peers in confusion..Shane and Bill spin. He is losing consciousness. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr... Chun.. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. . hane takes control! He smiles. reaching for Bill's key. Disoriented. then passes out. There were delays. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. relishing a second of glory -. SHANE'S POV woozy. GUNS DRAWN. Things are spinning. Shane puts his hands behind his head. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. while SLAMMING their heads together. startled. MRS.SHANE Lights out. Mr.. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. He turns..
Chun) secures the room. You -. scared. Chun approach the steel door. Bill and Mrs. The Kids are furious. Peter has a JUICE BOX. NURSERY . So did the Department of Defense. Bill and Mrs. GARAGE .. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. Beside the safe is a red switch. He GAGS the kids.. They whimper. Julie glares.. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.DAY Shane lies unconscious.. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Chun) Keep an eye on them. ILL North Korea pays better. exit.with me. INT. 9.BLACK. They THE VAULT! Spare. The Korean Man (Mr.. livid. bright and white. Inside is a dark corridor. and it CLICKS. tied up. Bill checks the knots binding the children. with two . They anxiously tiptoe. closing the window shades.. (to Mr. reaching. Charles trusted you. JULIE I trusted you. 8 Bill grins. INT. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. The door HUMS. then slides OPEN! enter. FADE IN: INT. The floor is covered with square tiles.
startled -. MRS. she unties Zoe! Then -. Lulu frowns. the Chun spins. eyeballing them icily. Chun whirls -. Mrs. but the of her jacket is on fire.. He sneers. She confidently strides toward the safe -.. as if she hadn't moved. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" .the Kids look innocent. Bill eyes the safe. completely SINGED OFF. Chun is Bokay. Lulu "looks" scared.. Chun guards the kids. BEEPING. horrified -. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. INT.S.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. Mr. low-pitched HUM. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.SAME TIME Mr. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. MRS. But behind her back. off shoulder eyebrows. HOUSE . she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes..settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. then leans back against Zoe.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. done. It's set on ARMED. quickly assuming a fake bound position. The air is filled with an ominous. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. CHUN But I've got some C4. CHUN Just. she hits her panic button! O. Mr. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. like a monstrous computer. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.needing a distraction. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat... had eyebrows. MR. Tyler GASPS. With a rapid blur of finger-work. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. then Mr.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.
Chun's leg. he steps closer. Chun scowls. BEHIND TODD . HAM without warning. slamming the door behind her. . It HURTS. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun's head. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Lulu runs. Chun laughs: MR. Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr.. Mr. snake-like move.. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Skeptical. CHUN That's cute.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.W Z 90. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Mr. when he's at her level. They untie Julie. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun's face.. Chun looks at Lulu.
.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. FRONT DOOR . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. his face COATED in white. NURSERY . Chun's face. clutching her! The . INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.doorknob. making a small hole. Bill lurches into view. DONNGGG -. Chun punches the door. but the door won't budge... M E M 91. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.CONTINUOUS Mr. I INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He puts his face up to the hole he's made.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. INT. She SCREAMS.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. Chun falls back from the door.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.but as Julie exits. He yells out furious! MR. INT.. they're trapped inside.. NURSERY . He sticks his face out the hole.CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .
Chun THE RADIO. ARGHH! driveway.. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. MINIVAN . Mrs. then nod and run to the side garage.CONTINUOUS r. INT. She floors it. they're not going anywhere.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.. MR. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. HOUSE . unsure.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. CHUN Chun falls. speaking in Korean: RS. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret.. .I've got the keys.. EXT. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.kids are horrified. Chun comes racing around the house -. They start to run back.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. HOUSE . Chun listens to Mr. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away.
They step past Shane's body. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. gaining on them. VAN . Mrs. oe runs a yellow.. a CRACKLING of static. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. It's getting old. chilled. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. Then.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. Don't make me kill you too.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.Charles didn't tell me about the room. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. B . lying on the concrete. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. INT. Julie GASPS. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. holding a military RADIO. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. leading her to the secret door. GARAGE .. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. Chun exits the vault.
I'll get you in. MRS. EXT. ill eyes him.. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. Surprised. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's B risky. just please don't hurt anyone. they might wreck. ILL ... ZOE . Bring them back unharmed. The men stare down. don't hurt the kids. as Zoe drives. BUSY STREET .) Bill. BILL Change of plan. He does something we can't see. Bill. He tries to pass them on the right. my husband has question: MR. everyone looks down. Chun zooming by. ANGLE . half on the sidewalk.DAY The vehicles race.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Bill uncuffs Shane. MINIVAN . to cut them off! INT.93. SHANE (O.. CHUN Mr. It's like a chariot race..S. Then -. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.Shane is standing in the doorway. emotional. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. Bill deciding if he can trust him.SHANE They look over -..he clicks "talk" on the radio. Do it.
Chun holds Julie. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Mr. Mrs.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. and loses control. She Mr. It throws Mr. Chun SCREAMS..MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. Hair spray. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Bill waits impatiently... Exasperated. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. INT. crayons. Peter laughs. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Chun with debris: milk cartons. orange peels.. disoriented. Mr. SECRET VAULT . The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Lulu starts PELTING Mr.What's taking you? 94. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Shane is figuring his options. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Zoe looks over. Mr. M R.. Chun off for a beat. In the van. .. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. triumphant. Chun ROLLS UP his window.
in pain. confidently: J B B 95 .now.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. BILL Code or no code. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Bill laughs.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Shane steps forward. over one beam and ducking under another -. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Shane SQUIRTS it. Lulu. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. He speaks aloud..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Sweat drips down Shane's face. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane leaps back. Peter. Shane steps forward . go get it -. ill cocks his gun. Todd. Watch. puzzled. landing on his hands and knees. sending him flying backwards. Tyler! Bill reacts.A bewildered beat -. . Shane gets up.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.
Calmness comes to Shane's face.SHANE Shane's thinks. He thinks.. lower than the floor. fearlessly. across two tiles. He feels the Groove. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Shane he steps forwards. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.they have no idea what he's laughing about. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . When you're down and low. CLOSE-UP . Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane LAUGHS sharply. E 96 . He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). Something she said. .JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. and do the Peter Panda Dance. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. NOTHING HAPPENS. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.NOTHING HAPPENS. And you haven't got a chance.. He takes a deep breath. He steps sideway. not quite centered to the room. just like the crabs do. Julie relieved. then back: smiles. Bill and Julie share a look -.. Again -.
you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. and our bodyguard -. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. When he steps back -. ZOE Come on. and he catches up with the minivan -. Zoe blows past it. BUSY INTERSECTION . Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. his focus gone. from the ceiling. Inside is the Cute Cop. Use the gas. 5-0.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. he'd be toast. Don't follow me! . 9 7. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. They have my mom. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. they're FLYING. If he'd been standing.it takes a while.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. EXT.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. not the brake. The Squad Car's lights flash on.
VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. but if I had more resources. pool of liquid. Following the chase. . almost running it off road. is Mr. in a cloud of smoke. My intelligence proved to be faulty. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. I accept full responsibility. Zoe U-turns. like there ain't no floor. NECK-BRACE. sliding forward. and speeds back towards her house. Claire frowns. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. nervously. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. SUBURBAN STREET .SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. the Minivan SPEEDS by.. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. concerned. at a safe distance. EXT. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY..CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.. 98. INT. Then better jump quick. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. Squad Car turns around and chases her.. EXT. It's acid. The Squad Car is on its tail. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. SCHOOL . Suddenly. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. She shakes her head.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.
sir. The whole room goes SILENT. And you betrayed all of that.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Nothing happens.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. He lands in front of THE SAFE.he waves his hand over the floor.." He jumps. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Bill looks around. to the left of the HOLE. Bill shrugs. I knew you'd figure it out. Whew. She gestures back: you go.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. The safe's red light turns green. and jumps back. Chun follows. BILL I'll take that as a "no. Shane scowls. almost done. Mrs. It's a stand-off. pulling Julie along. 99." . Bill takes a breath -. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. "Just hold your breath. Finally. Shane. Chun to go first.and walks across the room. Bill signals for Mrs. He nervously steps forward . You were always my best man. to calm down) Almost done. and jump to the left. He flips the switch to DISARMED. He holds his breath just in time. disgusted. He's relieved -.. BILL Thank you. What do you say -. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Beat. The Booby Traps are disarmed. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Immediately. All that we stand for. if you're willing to join up.
then PUNCHES him in the gut. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Chun reaches out. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. but Shane gazes coldly. Chun doesn't budge. then catches himself.. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Something's not right. Relief. Nothing happens.. head.. SHANE There will be no mercy. . Mrs. Reluctantly .Bill turns to the safe. trying to read Shane's poker face. I walked the floor first. Bill is off guard. But suddenly Mrs. Chun. Bill LUNGES. Bill is incensed. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Bill gestures to Mrs. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Full of himself. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. She turns it.Mrs. hitting Bill's arms. You open it. BILL (CONT'D) . unrelenting. He starts to reach for the dial. SIZZLING. MRS. and touches the dial.. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. I think you better open it. legs! He's crazed. Shane shrugs.. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane reaches for the safe. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. BILL None requested.. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. her hair on end. shaking from the voltage.
then whispers/sings. It's clear the both have the same training. Shane struggles to lose her. But he's unforgiving.BILL He steps over Shane. She catapults. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. ANGLE .SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house.. The Police Cars . Bill is charging him. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. tottering. He jumps to his feet.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat.O. Shane narrows his eyes. Shane tumbles. SIRENS wailing. unable to gain her balance. saved. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. K. IN THE VAN. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. PLUMMER'S STREET . She smiles.. Suddenly.. They punch. he drops and FLIPS her. everyone is SCREAMING.! EXT. SHANE You're a. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. landing on his back in front of the safe. SHANE . spin. kick. Leering mercilessly. Shane shakes his head. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. good night. stumbles backwards across the room. which Shane deflects -.they tangle like pro's.. delivering a series of hard punches. chase after. knocking her out. Say. the wind knocked out of him. OOF! Bill tumbles. connecting only occasionally. Shane COLD-COCKS her. terrible neighbor.
with their hands raised. The van SKIDS. SHANE . Now we can go back to our peaceful.. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.SAME TIME Total commotion. smoke BURNING from the tires -. GHOST. from the car.. then look in the safe: Inside. SECRET VAULT . Whoa. Cops surround them. then BRAKES. HOUSE . TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey... I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. INT. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. It's finally over. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . Shane steps out. JULIE Thank you Shane.101.and hits a tree. The kids clamber from the van.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V.O.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The garage door raises. She smiles at Shane. Shane gently removes it. The Kid spill out and run. But it's too late. grateful.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. Then -. They look in silence.
. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. He scoffs. Zoe. Even Chun is amazed. triumphant. I suggest you call the FBI. CHUN (O. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. MR. 10 2.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. officer.. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Numerous. helpless. vaults onto Chun. Now.. Shane weighs his not so many options. Julie and Shane Freeze.. you're in a lot of trouble. Nobody is sure what to do. Cops cover Shane and Julie. and grabs the MR.. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.. Silence. as he turns his head. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. uh. Chun stands inside the gate.. Mr. The Cops are unsure what to do. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Shane spins.a CRAZED SCREAM. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. But then -.CUTE COP FREEZE.S. He's disheveled and manic. ZOE But. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring..
Shane examines it. GARAGE . that was nice work. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. AGENT Mr.B. 103. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. AGENTS swarm the area.I. COP I think I'll call the FBI. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. CLOSE-UP . PLUMMER HOUSE .I.I.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. reaches for his radio. Julie huddles with the kids. SHANE Just doing my job.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.B. watching the FBI Agents work.I.rocket launcher. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. then walks off.. F . ANGLE . Shane talks with an F. You're a one-man battalion. he . Wolfe.. F. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. CLOSE-UP .B. Agent.B. This chaos is unsolvable. swelling with pride. INT.LATER F.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.
And to tell the truth.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Peter. A tear comes to her eye.. Lulu -. You're the superior office. 104.. He looks at Claire. Does it itch? Yes.. SHANE Well. Mock-angry. and Julie notice. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.Yes. say -. I don't know. I'm on dry land. and gather around.. Julie. SHANE . Her siblings. Summer's almost here. re-conning the situation.Maui? . then Julie found the key. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. The Plummers hug each other. I always have. here.. Tyler. You tell me. Zoe. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else.. I'm kinda.I want to say: I love you more than anything... EXT. She sees. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. from the safe. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Todd.. He looks around: at the family. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. fallen onto the floor. On. a letter. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane looks at her. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.
He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.. He wipes his face. P ETER Love you. ZOE But. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . I'm gonna . Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.. interrupting. Lulu turns to Shane.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Guess you have to go now. She puts out her hand. Your work here is through. baffled. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. SHANE Claire beams. The Plummers all approach. come here you. squeezing them off the ground. Julie looks up.he can't keep it in. SHANE Ah. He squeezes her hand around it. Zoe gives them a look -. to shake his. sad. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Thank you. A long beat.. TIGHT .his medal. Like he did. LULU This is it. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. For everything. Shane bawls -. He puts them down.he hugs the whole family at once.SHANE This is too much.Sir yes sir. Shane. 105. He starts to head off..
even Murney. Scott: in a suit. Todd spins. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. Julie watches in astonishment. You Are Sixteen begins. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.a Michael Jordan dunk. The performers take their curtain . A STANDING OVATION.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. until he sits back down. beaming with pride. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. the little Brownie Troop. Farewell." In the audience. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. hit your marks. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. She is surrounded by her children. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Shane stands. Claire: dressed to the nines. Shane watches with bated breath.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. BACKSTAGE . The AUDIENCE goes nuts. In SLOW MOTION. They all watch. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. It's fantastic -. VICTORIA THEATRE. rapt. his hair combed." Hearts swell.
calls. touched.-The. THE END http://www.imsdb. Mission accomplished. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. FADE OUT. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Shane smiles. Thundering applause.html on December 9 2010 . He humbly steps into view -.com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy.