THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

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BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

him his oxygen. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. ON THE DECK . when I say it. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. When it finally opens. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water..to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.. SHIP'S HOLD . The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. United States Navy.. Shane removes his mouth piece. Plummer screams. EXT. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.SIMULTANEOUS 4. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. terrified. PLUMMER How did you know where I.no highway option. but can't get free. they're almost out of ammo. He's gone. ..CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. to the roof. over his head.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. hauling the Professor up. INT. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. My way -.. I'm gonna get you outta here. As the water rises. He cuts the Professor's GAG. He tries force the door open. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. But you have to do exactly what I say. Up to his nose.

INT. EXT. 5. INT. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. SHANE INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. more!" They do. and pulls himself.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Hold on.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. He .The Seal calls out: "shoot more. clearly he loves this kind of day. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. terrified. HELICOPTER . Shane takes a deep breath. holding the Professor. pulling the Professor in behind him. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. HELICOPTER . Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. then disappear gracefully back into the water. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.

SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. .. She thinks I'm dead. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . shutting him up. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. rotors whirling slowly..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. That was the most incredible. Charles stops Shane.. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.beside him. waits.. EXT. I'm just not big on chit chat. Lieutenant. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. I can't believe you. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. how'd we. CHARLES I'm safe. Not imperative to the mission. thank you. Please. PLUMMER Oh my God. We have to keep moving. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. CHARLES Lieutenant. the Professor looks terrified. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth.

Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. It's voice activated. DEAD. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Shane drops. Tyler. PILOT sits. puzzled.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. I'm alive. INT. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Todd.... I have a picture of my kids in here. back to him. PAVE HAWK .. SHANE We're almost ready. Designed it myself. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. I do security. and talks..Charles picks up his briefcase.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.. All goes . Peter. RUN!!! black. knocked unconscious. Lulu. then hands him his satellite phone. WHAM. you want to see it? Negative.. Charles dials.couldn't crack it. Shane looks at him. Shane considers. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.. Charles dials his cell phone. The briefcase pops open.. that's my specialty.

unconscious.O. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . And a good friend. Shane reaches out. There is huge explosion. EXT. and takes Charles' Briefcase. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.friendly. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. You're the best man I ever trained. despondent. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. PAVE HAWK . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Bill sits down beside the bed.V. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. but he does it anyway. as the chopper ignites. He looks around. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Captain.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.. sir. SHANE .DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. He holds a REPORT in his hand.: Everything is a blur. HOSPITAL . unassuming..MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. His arm and face bandaged.it hurts to salute. He takes a long look at Shane. I know sir. HOSPITAL . He sees Charles. A Huey Helicopter lands. Everything is ablaze. in slow-motion. SHANE'S P.7. barely conscious.

... Thank you. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.T. 8. disappointed.H. is still out there.O.a genius. SHANE Sir. and starts to rise. He pulls up a chair. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase..SHANE He had to call his family. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. Bill considers this.. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. He called it G.T. and sits opposite Shane. as I stated in my report. I'm gonna need the mini sub. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.S. SHANE The case was empty sir.H. appreciate your confidence. It's not that kind of mission..: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. disconnects an IV. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. Shane sits up. Invigorated. Bill shakes his head. BILL Not a surprise.O. Then. . G. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. I. He can't believe his good fortune. really. he pulls off bandages. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. BILL .S. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir..

sir. top to bottom. Not even when I was a kid sir. and protect them.. hearing the dead man's voice. I'll call you in an hour. intrigued.. presses play. SHANE'S APARTMENT . Searched the place. call Lt. Shane is surprised. BILL .. is in that house. I love you. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.. Widow.S. I got a call from the professor's wife.T. It's just that. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. I should go.H. She told me someone had broken into her home. CHARLES (O. BILL The professor's wife requested you. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Shane is shocked..) Honey.if anything happens to me. I'm alive.NIGHT . CUT TO: INT. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. Either way. Maybe it is.Shane listens. He's a good man. (MORE) 9. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Whoever killed the professor must think G. maybe it isn't. sir.O. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. The family's scared.S.. I need someone to stay at that house. anyway.. I've never been very good with kids.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Shane Wolfe.

also identical to the one he wears. It SQUEAKS. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat..and sees LULU. SUBURBAN STREET . He rejects it. The sprinklers go off. Lulu eyes Shane. they all go in.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. 8. Shane looks like a bad ass. Hm.s. and pulls out a small. EXT. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. we're not interested.V. with toys all over the lawn. Shane heads to the door.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). identical to the one he wears. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane double-checks the address. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. ready for anything.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. camouflage vest. Shane eyes Lulu. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. Shane frowns. 10. Shane looks down -. night vision goggles. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.then the door swings open. peering up at him.. He looks at for a moment. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. .O. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside.. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. He reaches in. Shane's P. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.Shane packs his duffel bag. machete.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

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KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

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JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

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But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

This could all be over! BILL (o. through the kitchen window. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Julie and Shane share a look. it's Bill Fawcett. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.s.MORNING stand hug Julie.. Helga will . We slowly pull out. INT. listening to the conversation. I think it could contain GHOST. INT.NIGHT Shane..) Julie.s.) There's a catch.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.the family eats dinner. Shane.s. BILL (o. Through the window. The phone RINGS inside. entersJULIE I'll be there. Swiss law says only his family can access it.Nighttime -. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. 14. with her suitcase. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. JULIE That's wonderful.. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.. Julie casually answers it. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. LIVING ROOM . I have some potentially good news. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.

it's my job to worry. . I love you guys. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. And guys. And on the back door. SHANE Don't worry. No.we'll be fine. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. I am a mom.. Plummer. ZOE Mom -. are you licensed to kill? . I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. do it... I'll be back in 48 hours. Mrs... They'll be safe with me. HELGA Everything will be fine. And on the phone. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. it's just. Helga will take care of everything else. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.handle everything... I'm gonna miss you. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. chill. H S . Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know...

INT.NIGHT Shane.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.5.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. elga stomps out..and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Shane turns off the light. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) ... on a short ladder. Immediately. I make bottle. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. can't find him. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY ..s. pouring in Cheerios. Gary suddenly FLIES by . Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. He shuts off the - . S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.. You do something. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. when in the corner of his eye -.NIGHT hane rushes in -. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.WHRRP! Shane ducks.. Shane heads down the hall. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane shakes his head.

runs off. 16. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Zoe -. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. S COTT . house like a marionette. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. come on Scott. fine. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. tool. They both tumble to the ground... revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. ZOE He's my boyfriend.window alarm and sneaks out silently. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. jumps onto the trampoline. ZOE Okay. calling out from across the street.go back inside. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. I'll call you. but alright... Shane runs. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE So you're the one who broke in. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. SHANE Not with this kid. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.BACK YARD . He's dazed.. . Shane LIFTING him in the air. Zoe! . EXT. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood.

no accent) We speak English. CHUN (perfect English. MR.. and we found this in our pool filter. huh baby-sitter? Mr.. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . We had an intruder. THE CHUNS. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. Look. A simple misunderstanding. The Alarm's still blaring. so we're up kind of early. Oh. Shane addresses them.Zoe storms inside.. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. I INT.. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. fuming. Kojak.. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Oh. PLUMMER HOUSE . pop their heads out.NIGHT . MR. Shane stands there. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket.. SHANE MRS. SHANE My apologies. CHUN Thanks a bunch. The alarm stops. we own a bakery. CHUN . Shane's about to head inside. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Sorry.

S W 1 8. SHANE Not anymore. Shane flips her foot in the air. Shane shuts her door. Zoe falls backwards into the room. . He "hops" her down the hall to her room.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. to not fall over. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. ZOE Who do you think you are -. She has to hop on one foot. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Shane marches back down the hall. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.) sing). You should have told her the truth. Loud.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. Bite me! Shane frowns.s. continues down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room).my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. lower than the floor. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.

T Z Z T 19. warm orange light. PLUMMER HOUSE . one step back. The Children. EXT. In the bedrooms. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. in bed -. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Three steps forward.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. to their beds. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. Peter in his bed. just like the crabs do. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Then jumps up.laugh and laugh. . INT.groove. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Shane shakes his head. then "crab-walks" sideways. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. he wriggles on the floor. She does. HOUSE .

SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. disoriented.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. 20 .! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. half-asleep and angry.m. like she's been electrocuted. Not in front of the kids. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.odd is out cold. L Move. Helga runs through in hair curlers.. INT. Move. Todd blinks groggily. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. HALLWAY .MORNING Todd sits up. not understanding what's happening. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. You're insane. TODD'S ROOM . TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. ODD It's Sunday.. carrying the crying baby. Suddenly his door flies open -. S . motionless. Covering their ears. oe is wrapped in blankets. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor.

.. INT. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. No highway option.do you.do you. HELGA (She curses Again. L 21.he gives him a look of disbelief.) Shane's jaw drops. sucking on a bottle. Your behavior is unacceptable.. KITCHEN . At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. ladies. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.LATER The children are assembled. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. . I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. shocked. lined up tallest to shortest. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.. in Romanian.

S ULU (CONT'D) .SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. or you're dead. Touch that -.. I tell you what to do -. Red 2. Red baby.and you do it.. wait. Angry. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Shane bounds up the stairs. Everyone stares blankly -. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. He yells at her. ZOE I am not wearing that.. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works.you better be dying. Shane tries to maintain decorum. SHANE Tracking devices. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . The panic button is only for emergencies. Never take them off. where's the older male? There were five. Everyone cracks up..(pointing) Red 1. he's furious. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Red Leader. but it's locked. So you are -. Shane bangs hard on it. He tries the knob. INT. ZOE He's in his room. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Now that I know I can't trust you. P eter farted. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula.a tense silence. End of chain.

Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.they glare at Shane.. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Shane steps aside. Todd nods in agreement.a FLUSH. Down the hall -. A piece of the ceiling falls. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. The entire frame collapses. hits Shane on the head. PLUMMER HOUSE .MORNING . this wouldn't have happened.LATER ZOE .. He sees Shane.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. INT. If you'd been wearing it.22. and head down the hall.. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. the destroyed door and wall. and Todd comes sauntering back. He has to go. patrolling. then CRASHES inward. INT. to her room. INT. Oops. I can fix this. HALLWAY .NIGHT The bathroom door opens.. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. She stops at Todd's door -. Zoe comes up the stairs.

) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. LULU This house is haunted. He rushes for the front door. L S 23. Peter Booos again.WHACK -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. wearing a towel as a sheet.the rumble of a car approaching. PAPERBOY (O. He pretends to be a ghost. hey. Daddy even said so. hard. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Peter! screams. Really? His eyes light up. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face.LATER . Shane turns.S. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. to see that Peter is chasing her. He said there's a ghost. I don't know. Lulu hides behind Shane. HALLWAY . INT. just as -. And then it hits Shane. His head shifts. he hears something suspicious -. Lulu SHANE Hey. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs.

. BANGING her head and ass on each step. He RAPS again. inally.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. T IGHT . Nothing. pushing. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. feeling. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. as laundry flutters down from above.Shane walks slowly down the hall. MR.. carrying a huge laundry basket. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. ZOE Here he comes. then turns his attention to his laptop. appears. scanning the ceiling.. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall... I INT. Shane scans it. She screams. STAIRWAY . When he hears an alert from his laptop. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. F .ZOE AND TODD .. Then -. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Searching. He goes back to the living room. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. all the way down. Zoe whispers.a creak.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. listening for hollow spaces.

but can't get the page to turn. It's taking him a LONG time. terrified. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. this is an urgent matter. He licks his finger again. EXT. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. . He jumps to his feet. looking jet-lagged.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. then licks his finger to turn the page.DAY Bill and Julie. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. Not in Switzerland. He seems to be about 100 years old. INT. SWISS BANK . Bill can't stand it anymore.DAY Establishing. Then looks back to the paperwork.They gulp. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. If we can't get some faster service. 25. They wait patiently -. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. BANKER Marcel! out. I can't. we're going to have to file a complaint. He feebly gets up. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. SWISS BANK . ZOE Uh-oh. mouthing along in FRENCH. The Banker looks at him blankly.

The duck flies around. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. heads to the door -. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. suitcases in hand. Peter's in the aquarium. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader.Another Banker.Shane tries to block her path. Shane dives. The suitcase handle breaks off. HELGA I am calm. and Helga dashes for the door. As soon as your background checks clear. RING! Amid the chaos. enters. Shane picks up the receiver. Suddenly. Shane moves for the phone. Oui. the chief does not speak English. He DRAGS her back. JULIE Thank you. MARCEL. grabbing her foot. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. PLUMMER HOUSE . remain calm -- 26.SAME TIME Helga. As she tries to wrestle it away. SHANE (CONT'D) . How long is that? INT. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. He grabs her suitcase. QUACKING. But I can tell you -. I QUIT.you will have access to the box tout-suite.

as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. and Shane falls back. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. He picks up his hand. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -..CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. HOUSE . CRUNCH. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. 27. Just doing my. EXT.Ah. that landed on a diaper. Shane lets go... SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.everything's fine. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . Mrs. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Helga scampers out the door. Helga struggles to get him off. Shane hangs up the phone.Helga falls forwards. Mrs. against the counter. (covering the phone. Plummer.. Duty. Plummer.

SHANE Okay. INT. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. He drops his head.. we're just gonna have some more big fun. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up.he slowly glances up.SHANE Rises. ANGLE . ANGLE . defeated.... Then -. . HOUSE .CONTINUOUS Shane enters. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. In the meantime. if she loves you. listen up. Helga glares back. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. The 28. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. takes a deep breath and strides inside. she'll come back. in the rear window. baby cries. dumbfounded.Helga jumps in the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. There's been a change of plans. to find the kids are all gloomy. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.

SShane GROANS. everyone bolts from the room. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. And then -. nice moment.. CLOSE-UP . Pure self-preservation. 29. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. Until -.. .FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SHANE Whoa. inundated. your enthusiasm. Nobody will help. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. BATHROOM .SHANE He gulps. repelled. holding his nose. I'm Navy.it flops open. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. HEY! Even Peter runs. INT. Only then can we rise to the challenge. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. All for one. takes a deep breath. Using the tools as chopsticks. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army.

LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.) Thank you. Lulu is in her pj's.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall.SHANE The things I do for my country. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.. Lulu doesn't go away. I think you're cute. Aghast.. over and over and over. INT. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Shane tries approaching -. LULU Hi. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. then FLUSHES. Lulu follows at his heels. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. he looks down to see Lulu. he looks around for a solution. like a puppy. 30. She follows. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu.he can't do it. HALLWAY . . Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. she just stares at him.

On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. and shuts off her light." dubious. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. 31. All the lights are out. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry.it's time for you take a nappypoo. Shane smiles. in beddibye land. KITCHEN . proud of his accomplishment.Shane walks room to room. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. Lulu looks at him. INT.BREAKFAST . . pulling down the shades on every window. like he's an idiot. And I've survived off this stuff for months. little girl. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. and patrols. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. all the kids asleep. Todd. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. The kids sit down at their designated spots. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. I can get lots more of those. The Kids stare at "breakfast.

Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.is not here to take care of you now.. then at Tyler -... He runs away. And the phone rings. Your mama -. If I say in. you go out. Shane turns to Lulu.. LULU . dancing.. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. . Wanna see? Negative... Shane answers... I don't have any idea what you're talking about. We're gonna pull together. I can cross my eyes. ZOE He's only two. too.here's how it's gonna be.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. you stay in. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. all for one. crying. trying to hear over the screaming.. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. (then:) Yes...who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Shane sighs. one for all. So -. ladies. Peter starts bawling. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. Peter stands in his chair. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. if I say out.

dramatically unveiling Shane.p. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. backwards at sixty m. The Minivan skids completely sideways. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.. He hangs up. I know it's Monday. innocently. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch.. yes. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He said if you're late again. It just doesn't add up. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Thank you..a death defying." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. perfect parallel park. With your . Oh. EXT. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE.9:29 A.. Across his chest.. INT.h. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. GARAGE . Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. legal guardian. INT. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. SHANE Not on my watch... and at that .. sir. LULU We're gonna be late. He wants to see you in his office.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. GARAGE . Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. EXT. Zoe smiles at him. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. It hits ZERO. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Shane fumbles with it for a while.M. A big suburban school. you and Todd are expelled. into a TINY parking spot -.

Shane. He's HUGE and mean. You're in my house now. holding Peter on a harness. Top to bottom. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Looks like Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). K thru 12. . mortified. He glares at Shane. I'm in charge of watching these kids for.. Plummer finally listened. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS.P in charge of discipline. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. She's attractive. a few days. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. I'm Murphy. The Kids crack up. conduct and truancy. boy. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. tough. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. too. Duane. as he plays on the floor. I coach wrestling. Well. Murney is unimpressed. Lieutenant. assured.. they needed a parole officer. son? SHANE Wolfe. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. They're the worst students in my school. whatever work you can get. V. Murney is furious.moment. He withers. Out of twenty-three. The Kids are seated around him.

. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. The opens the door for Murney. SHANE Red 1. He exits. I think I can handle this from here. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Plummer called my captain. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little..and suddenly reacts. 34. fuming.two little red DOTS move away. Plummer. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Lieutenant. Get moving.Good morning kids. that as vice principal. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. (then. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Good.. I am in charge of. Red 2. staring him up and down. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Mrs. The teens hustle off to their classes. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. You see. impressed.. as he casually holds the three kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. What are you doing in my office. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. She told me all about you. BELL rings. Claire sees this -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it.

SHANE .. On the spot. Welcome aboard. Just try not to frighten the children.. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. SHANE Can't be too careful... (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. Service paid for my college. dead serious. The 35. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. and the way I run my school. That's the way I live my life.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.MID-MORNING seeShane. SHANE . JUMP CUT TO: EXT.. She lifts her pants leg.. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. Courage. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. SHANE "Honor.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. So. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. to balance Shane.(Shane nods. Claire looks nervously around.

Now -. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. in line to get lunch. BINOCULARS P. Beside Shane. Todd. Lulu sees Shane and waves. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. 36 . Black Hawk coming in. Official Business. one. Zoe. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.V. sitting in the back row of a class. like a tether ball. does the same. in Shane puts down his binoculars.last time: Open the hanger.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P...O. picks up a pair of binoculars.. with stern intensity. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Todd.V.Clean as a whistle.O. SHANE Give up now. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. two. He turns to the person front of him. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. yanks his hood over his head. delighted. . He checks his tracking device. Save us both a world of pain. INT. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. CAFETERIA .. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. turns her back to him embarrassed. Shane closes the computer. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.

PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. huh? Shane gives her a look. SHANE Hey -. I guess. (she toasts.. Shane sighs. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. Claire smiles.but you're pretty good at this. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.) Shane. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. 37. Oh. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. man. not so dry where you're sitting. you know.I out rank you.Tyler gurgles. Can I call you Shane? .. When you agreed to serve your country. Mr. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. A whole day. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Principal Claire smiles.. .. Tyler laughs. Seriously. He yanks Tyler away from him.. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. I'm impressed. with milk. Sure.. (she looks at his chair) Well. lieutenant. You're on dry land. you don't. ignoring him.

As soon as they see the Principal. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. cheering. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Murney smirks. and "punches fists" with him. (Todd) 38. Look at him. unusual.. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. next week's tournament is off. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. in the crowd. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. but not stopping it. Zoe.. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. impressed.That's. Personally .. MURNEY You heard the lady. MURNEY He did. VP Murney is watching. I don't care who starts it. the crowd freezes. LUNCH-LINE . INT. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.

He'd kill you so fast..Todd lands on his feet. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch.I think that's a little harsh. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Maybe some other time then. I'm on duty. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. sir. Sorry. SHANE . I forgot you had to baby-sit. the crowd breaks up. That's right. Maybe you could stop by practice.. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. MURNEY Pretty slick. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. man. yeah. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . The Bell rings.total control. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Boys'll be boys.. stopping an inch from Shane's head. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. . SHANE ..I'm a black belt myself.. Murney approaches Shane. what do you say? Come on. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. promise I'll go easy on you. sticking the landing. Todd lunges at him. flinch. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Murney. Nice moves. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. (low. 39 . Frogman -. MURNEY Oh.. Don't even think it.

Emergency! SHANE INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. as he keeps watch.. SHANE Oh -.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.INT. The Principal strolls up. Then Shane smells what she means -.. another dollar twenty. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Lt. doing a shoulder roll. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Roger that. It leads him to a door. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . for one who'll eat. Just then. INT. minus taxes.Tyler's diaper is full. Shane recoils in disgust. Uh.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. and not cry. holding Tyler out like a grenade. Bathroom's down the hall. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF.. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . 40. Panicked. He bursts though it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir.CONTINUOUS .change him.. But. Have fun.. Not my job. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. Tyler is crying. following his tracking device.

with the Panic Button in her hand. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. He blasts through a red light. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. They make a sharp right. CONSTRUCTION SITE .MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. I INT. through the fence. EXT. He leaps out of the minivan.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. are heading away from the school fast. Shane is furious. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane makes a right. almost tipping the minivan. He hands her to the Principal. HALLWAY . He speeds away after them.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. 41. BUSY INTERSECTION . EXT.the Class applauds. Thanks.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. EXT. Shane lands in fight stance -. racing down the road ahead of Shane.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. Lulu is in front of the class. At that moment. but the FINAL BELL rings. SHANE EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .

. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. It's horrific. and the sound of OMINOUS. Shane pries off the manhole cover. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.LIVING ROOM . INT.then RUN. IN THE MANHOLE . Shane trudges through the river of muck. they hear the front door open.It's dark and dank. Shane easily takes them out. He takes a deep breath and dives under. SEWER . From outside. He winces. all brandishing tools.then gasps -. INT.the DOTS are CLOSE. PLUMMER HOUSE . then checks the tracker -. ANGLE . He catches his breath.section. feet away. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. SQUISHY footsteps. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. No sweat.SHANE He's alone. Three Workers rush him. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. and charges through. you're about to get a beat down. Shane lowers himself down.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. then checks his tracker.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.

43 INT. 16 year old female. BATHROOM . Everyone gasps. BACK YARD .. . Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe..LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. then covers their noses. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. with a smirk. use our nonemergency number.. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. The Cop turns to Shane. revealing Shane. The Cop leaves. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. If you need anymore help.LATER Shane is in the shower. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.p. weird hair. Zoe fixes her hair. KITCHEN . INT. Ditto. Covering her nose.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. looking like a Swamp Creature. The Cop looks at them. INT. The smell is BAD.Then the door swings open. he doesn't say anything. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. Todd stiffens.b. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. . thank you. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. She practically GAGS as she passes him.. Call. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Zoe checks him out as he goes.

CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . If we don't sell enough cookies. pulling Lulu after him. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. Mom's our den mother. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. The Brownies applaud. LULU We have to. cringing in disgust. He sees on the fridge. You gotta help me out. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission.S. FAMILY ROOM .all junk food. in just a towel. INT. we can't go the Jamboree. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. They already think I'm a loser. Monday. 4. LULU I can't. SHANE (O. (whispers:) Come on. close to tears. it's Monday.Shane enters. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights...) Get rid of them. Lulu starts to sniffle. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Shane. they're staring at him. and whistle. 4 . They won't be home `til ten. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. And it's not like I have any other friends. He looks at it.

then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. INT... SHANE Alright.. I'm scared of you. He's not just locking them -. unpacking boxes of cookies. he's a total psycho. LIVING ROOM . I'm gonna be your den -commander. ZOE'S BEDROOM . I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something.Lulu's about to burst into tears. then drills it into place. INT.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. Zoe's on the phone. at attention. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. the other to his back. BROWNIE Den Mother? . SHANE Good. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. Shane blows passed her. getting ready to go. Tonight. Here's how it's gonna be." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. ZOE . INT. yeah.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. . Now -. Shane sighs.. do as I say..wait here. ladies. KITCHEN . Shane ushers the Troop out the door. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. back in "uniform. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. Indian Style.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. They are assembled.MOMENTS LATER Shane..

MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. ZOE . DRIVEWAY . GROCERY STORE . 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.5. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. nuts?" EXT.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. No. Zoe picks up the phone.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. GROCERY STORE . He sees: a huge. GROCERY STORE ."what are you. (she listens:) Hm.. Tyler looks at him -. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. SHANE I gotta get supplies. He looks around at the bright.. EXT.. I can see you through the window.. I dunno if that's a good idea. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.nothing even looks like food. 4 EXT. hits speed-dial... the camera CRANES up to. He smiles. EXT. as he pushes a cart into the store. but if anything happens. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. it's like Oz or something.PARKING LOT ... colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. INT. Scott. but they're . NOTHING looks familiar -.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.. Snack packs.. he's got us on lock-down. GROCERY STORE .

. but can't get away. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever.. they're back. I haven't seen anybody. One The Brownies take off running. .but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. you Skeever? . of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. before I get my face punching badge on you. He rips it open. One of the Brownies spots something. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. and lets her go. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. chubby CUB SCOUTS. clutching their boxes. GROCERY STORE .. EXT. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory.she tugs and tugs..noticing very shy. menacingly. He laughs. Finally.. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. The Cub Scouts high-five.

If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane's monitor starts beeping. Get in the car. you're supposed to take us to dinner. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He bends down. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. EXT.2ND SCOUT Nope. trembling. He wears . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Around his neck. PARKING LOT . we're going home. He heads toward the Scouts.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Not cookies. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. The Brownies scream.22's. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. I'm here to protect you. He firmly tells Lulu. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. and points at Lulu's Panic button. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. CHUCK E. 47. The Brownies are huddled behind it. CHEESE . Where? SHANE INT. Cheese MANAGER.A LITTLE LATER .

the Chuck E. This much The Manager laughs.. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. A LITTLE LATER: 48. this much cyanide. Cheese! Wider reveals. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.. Lulu approaches. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. . On stage.. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.braces and head-gear.CHAOS. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. which causes him to lisp. playing video games and ball.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. The Manager approaches Shane. Shane's watching Peter... Cheese automaton band JAMS. skee Brownies are running around. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.

stretches. spins her. then kicks him in the face. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. and then a kick in the face.. Lulu screams out with her fighter. He steps up to the machine. Unless you're scared. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. then cracks her in half over his knee. kneels on his head. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. . They begin. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane is taking it really seriously. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars.she pins him to the ground. Round three starts. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane doesn't like the sound of that..Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. He checks over his shoulder -. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. The second round starts. LULU The Hulk can. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.LULU I pressed two player. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. My joystick's broken. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane even get one punch in -. Then he a joy stick. I thought you liked combat. He cracks his knuckles. Lulu picks a small female character. SHANE That's not fair. He's really mad.

HOTEL ROOM . it's my job to worry.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.. ZOE . SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. slamming buttons..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. but he can't hit her. Shane's really fuming.. swing and a miss. oops too slow. PLUMMER HOUSE . while he pounds the buttons. LULU You're not even trying. Shane's working the joy stick hard. Lulu's having fun now. INTERCUT WITH: INT.. the Zhouse is quiet... leaving the sizzling machine. swinging and missing. INT. dancing. It's really annoying.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Sparks fly..stop worrying..take a shot. 50. come on -.. ZOE Mom -. LULU Too slow..LIVING ROOM . He is KO'd. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. He and the Brownies sneak away. jumping.... she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. She keeps dancing. its joystick dangling by its wires. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.

counting them. She turns to Scott. I hate leaving you. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. loads Brownies into the minivan. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. ZOE Dude. ZOE I know.LIVING ROOM .. I love you. The guy's just a control freak. INT. Zoe rolls her eyes.. we're okay. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . up. EXT. ZOE Dude. not cool. Tonight I'm just doing homework -.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. kids everywhere.in my cell.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). MALL PARKING LOT . this is outta hand. but you know I have to do this. who doesn't seem concerned at all. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. And the folks who read my BLOG. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. . VARIOUS SHOTS . Don't worry. JULIE It's only a few more days.Seriously.The Plummer House: . everything's cool. PLUMMER HOUSE . 51. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling.

. He charges across the room with the diaper. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.. INT. CHUCK E. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. He holds his breath. again. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. gasping. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. the Brownies follow.they almost always do.for a long time. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. MANAGER Relax. He's still down there.. Suddenly. SHANE . move. is fine. S 52. Shane grimaces. Whoa. Silence. and goes down for the diaper. SUBURBAN ROAD .. We see what he forgot: PETER.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He's holding the diaper. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. freestyling in the ball pool -. out away from him. SHANE Inexcusable.. to leave a man behind like that. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. move! Go go! EXT.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.LATER .not okay. CHEESE . we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. He disappears under the balls -.Move. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. The Manager is watching him. Not okay.

peeing in the bushes. a total wreck.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. 53.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Outraged. vents. trying to understand. Party's over. EXT. windows. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. making out.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Now. He gets out -. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane takes Lulu. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts..then CRUSHES the ball.. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Peter and Tyler up the path. as he pulls up in the Minivan. PLUMMER HOUSE . at a full run.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by..J. Reeling.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. we're gonna do this . chugging drinks. jocks throwing footballs... Shane snatches it mid-air -.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. then RUN. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. scared. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. Scott. CLUB lock off the door..and groans in disbelief. INT.KITCHEN .'s turntables. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.

straightening -. He lifts the sofa.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. residue. They see Shane find the CD... In a bathroom. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. INT. through binoculars. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.CONTINUOUS . Oh my god. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. He hands Scott the mop. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. INT... Shane's eyes narrow. Clean. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. PLOP. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.then he notices something. furiously clean. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . as kids clean. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. and walk out of sight. he takes it off. CUT EXT. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. He holds it up to a KID.. Scott gulps . Shane goes over them. mopping. Scott and Zoe. It reads: GHOST. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. trying to maintain his dignity. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . ladies. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.my way -. in Playtex gloves. labeled with a Sharpie. Miserable TEENS scrub. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE..no highway option. He fumes.

helpless. My friends will never come here again. ZOE . and screams in Shane's face. Because you have no respect for yourself. ueasy. CUT TO: EXT. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. INT. Shane stands. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. she pukes again. Zoe blows past him -. outside the bathroom door. sits down. You're like a robot. Zpounding on doors.. furniture polished. Shane . He heads upstairs. PLUMMER HOUSE . Thanks a lot. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. PLUMMER HOUSE . They show no respect for you or your house. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.. Lulu's crying. downstairs! He walks down the hall. Scott's the last one to leave.. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you.into the bathroom. After a beat. Todd picks her up. Shane hands her a handkerchief. where she throws up. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. ZOE I do too respect myself. shaky and furious. Zoe gets up.. (Announces:) Company.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. you hate us. Rambo.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out.

. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. as soon as your mom comes back.. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. talking doesn't do any good. The Ninjas attack... fiercely -. NINJA GHOST -. Suddenly -. Shane spins in fight-stance.. SHANE Puberty. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Suddenly.55. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.the power goes out.hand it over! staffs. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. Not even from the enemy.they're good. I'm gone. pounding him with their . but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Red 1. tired) It's Scott. He goes down. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. close-quarters and fast.. SHANE You're right.the three fight. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. I'm not the man for this job. Go to your rooms. Don't worry. They leap down after him. TWO NINJAS. all in black BURST in through the window. Wielding with great skill. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it.

Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He pulls the string.. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. Shane runs to the changing table. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. 56 INT. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. and flings them all over the floor... He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane fends the Ninjas off.. it makes a silly thunk. avoiding Legos. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. he hits a Ninja in the head. facing them. The Ninjas move towards him -. and uses them both to fend off blows.. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. SHANE Okay -. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. several FURBIES hit the floor. PLAYROOM . toys fly. Shane crashes down. They step back. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. .then the Ninjas charge.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. blinding him. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.. and grabs it. With his foot. fiercely. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.knocking him into. WHACK. a squeezes .

INT. He sprays it in Shane's face. He A long pause -. . SHANE It's safe.SHANE 57. fearful.then the door creaks open. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. Then.. Shane isn't sure what to do.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them... and Shane sees he's now alone. disappointed to have lost them. He runs to the broken window. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.? SHANE They're looking for a program. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.. Todd and Zoe enter. bawling. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Shane approaches Zoe's door.. Shane bangs the window sill.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. The cloud dissipates.. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. terrified. quietly knocks.. He hugs them.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. Kids. SHANE Shhh. You can open up. He really hugs them. He squints. It's okay. ANGLE . that your father invented. HALLWAY . blinded. he hugs Peter and Lulu. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone...

. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.. Zoe laughs: she can't help it.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.a long pause... as long as I'm here. startled. the other kids join in. Shane offers his hand to shake. INT. Zoe answers it. Then. absolutely nothing pottery .they all jump. LIVING ROOM . "Unchained Melody. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. But nothing's gonna happen to you. CLOSE-UP . pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. And I'm not going anywhere. all smiles. From now on.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Then. He looks Zoe.. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. relieved. I'll listen to you too. too. eye to eye. The kids shudder. okay? We need a little more cooperation here." And then. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. 58. it's been a long night. They hug him tighter. Soon. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive..then they hug him. SHANE They're not after you.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Deal? Truce -. and do what I say. you listen to me. They want this. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. Shane is furious -. They shake -. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.

We just don't know what its for. It looks like some kind of "key".it's okay. Plummer.. We found something in the box. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. Don't worry -. . SHANE Mrs.. two men tried to get into the house tonight. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on..happened you should worry about. everyone's fine. but they didn't find it. yes and no. But we're not sure what it is.. SCHOOL . SHANE No .we'll be just fine. INTERCUT: INT. students run in to school.. EXT. The minivan pulls up. You have any luck? JULIE Well. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. and Shane emerges with the five kids. They were looking for GHOST. Shane takes the phone. SHANE (very genuine) . as soon as the customs paperwork clears. She holds up the strange.. Nope.MORNING Early morning. metal two pronged KEY. They're gone.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. HOTEL ROOM .

I know it's good. car -.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). ANGLE on Lulu.. then BRAKES. making a mess of an egg. and smiles at Shane. ANGLE on Shane. who sits in the back. .DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs..she'll pay for the damage. THE GYM . Shane nods. Zoe sits in a folding chair. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. HITS the gas. Principal Claire next to him." Then.. shaking his head. EXT.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. she wrecked a driver's Ed. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND.DAY Driver's Ed.INT. sunglasses on. MURNEY . He dips an INT. Shane stands off to the side. reacting each time she HITS the gas. They look concerned. squashed at a little desk. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . LULU'S CLASSROOM . SCREAMING. So. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Peter 60 She smiles. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. He is gesticulating. An obstacle course with cones. Lulu's classmates all chant.. SHANE Don't worry. then BRAKES. a crazed TEACHER next to her. Murney stands. egg in some purple dye. "yeah. mortified.

what's going on. Shane stops. He does always miss sixth period. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice... SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. boys will be boys -.I'm a bit concerned. and Shane walks them out.but this is just sick. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. SHANE He's not a NAZI. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. I was doing a little recon in his locker. Shane gives Zoe a look. what do you expect. Todd and Zoe stand to go.. And that's not all. and I'm not sure what to do..... 61. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.yes.That? Lady drivers.it's the boy. Zoe shrugs.) See if you can talk to the boy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. giving him a "skinhead" look. Todd enters. but -. (pulls Shane aside. it's not that -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. . No. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. But this. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.. Shane scowls. Murney calls into the hallway.

He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. and keeps walking. and leaps at Shane. MURNEY You're a good man. kicking him in the BACK.. huh? (Shane ignores him. maybe.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. and Murney chases after him. Shane walks the kids out. as he passes. Without warning. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Murney laughs. SHANE Another time. MURNEY It's a date then. I'll show you a couple moves. stretching. I promise I won't hurt you. Shane. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Shane trips forwards to his knees.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. we'll give these boys a treat. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. and leaves..who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. if you ask me.that whole family's no good. 62. Kung team: Shane walks away. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. SHANE I'll talk to him.

signal me. do your homework. It looks like Shane might fight. with a flowered basket. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Shane hops out the window. Todd runs towards the house. preheat the oven. Nothing. I want to talk to you. you're in charge. Shane looks out the window -. INT. but instead he takes a deep breath. so the alarm didn't go off. but he . Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. keeping the contact.. He sees Zoe. On the corner. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Shane parks. It's small for him.far down the block. peering out her window. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. The window is wide open. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. SHANE Wait Todd. and snickers to his Team. and leaves. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. It's pink. TODD'S ROOM . running around the corner. EXT. SHANE Smart kid. Keep all doors sealed.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door..shakes Shane turns back. Shane screws the window shut. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. He starts to shut the window. He enters. Murney his head. PLUMMER HOUSE . he can see Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

Shane looks at the Cast.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. SHANE COMPANY -. they quickly assemble on stage. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. BEAT. they're not sure what to do. it's over. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. He smiles. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. weird or something? 66 .. Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.What if. girls'll think I'm... Shane shakes his head.... TODD .. Todd looks up at Shane..... Todd looks devastated -. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. LIESL We don't have a director.. or not? Everyone nods. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. show's off. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Shane straightens up. Shane's glare.. Liesl chimes in.

. I won't touch him. ZOE . furious... ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.. LULU'S ROOM . No wait! . SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. I promise. BREAKING something. SHANE . I called him in his room.. He turns out the light.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I know it's no big deal. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. PLUMMER HOUSE .. SHANE Okay. YES WHAT? SHANE .. INT.Yes. another girl picked up the phone. INT. angrily. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. Scott. Shane exits.. He hears Zoe in her room. I don't know why I let it get to me.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall.LATER .What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. He peeks in -. It's stupid.

.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. setting up the scene with DOLLS... the little Elf family -. Shane looks at her surprised. on Lulu's floor. facility. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. As Shane finishes the story. He sits on the bed. Let's see.. (MORE) T S L 8. Stumped..Uh.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. So -they waited for cloud cover. To find a secret gnome. The elves had to go in and take it out. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. he illustrates. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. Once there was a family of Elves. Went into the magic forest.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. ULU Tell me a story. Uranium... I 6 . SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. and they came in from the north.

. and whispers to Peter.. I can't remember that thing.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. TODD I'll write it down for you. Lulu's fallen asleep... and do the Panda Dance.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low...mean standing.. Even. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. head in the door. . We got `em all. c'mon. The wails get louder and LOUDER. INT. And not one Elf got left behind that day. He made it up for him.. And you ain't got a chance. Peter WAILS. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Peter starts bawling. Todd calls from the doorway. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .Rodriquez.. TODD You have to do the dance.. lower than the floor. Shane sighs. the teeniest little elf of all -.. or he won't stop. Then. Like dad used to do. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. SHANE Oh. S 69.. from across the hall. NURSERY ..

mortified. (Tyler in the snuggle). Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. The Kids sit bolt upright.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Shane crab-walks sideways.. PLUMMER HOUSE . with her Gameboy. and gets in the driver's seat... Chun. He does the dance as he sings. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. Shane turns and catches Mr. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.) EXT. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. GARAGE . He sings again. Chun gets his paper. She gets out in shock. . Shane hops forward three times. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. through the mirror. just like the crabs do. Shane. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.Shane sighs. T the A 70. (He does. terrified. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Peter applauds. They turn to Zoe. staring. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Lulu is next to him.. SHANE Today you drive. Humiliated.MORNING .

SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me... SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.. MINIVAN . ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. She pulls out. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. The Kids share a dubious look.I can't even pass driver's Ed. jerkily. Lulu and Todd are terrified.. Touched.. no. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. not the road. Shane is nervous. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Zoe backs jerkily out. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. Zoe is surprised.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. I trust you.ZOE But -. Exactly. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is shaky. S P . but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. INT. Keep going.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. but trying not to show it.

T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). hey head into the school. Shane's . almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Claire strides into view. terrified. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane spots something. SHANE Good. KIDS boisterously run past. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze.Claire BARKS out. Next lesson. Chastened. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. severe stare) Now. Scott's terrified.71. Shane jumps out of the car.. Shane unclenches his teeth. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. with a few FRIENDS. ZOE Ha ha ha. She's wearing a cute dress. the kids gulp and orderly march away. trembling. EXT. Before Scott knows what's happened. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. INT. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Very funny. Suddenly -.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb... and a little make-up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. being obnoxious. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Zoe smiles. CAFETERIA . laughing. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. 1500 hours. Broken promises lead to broken legs. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane lets him down and heads into school.

She's waiting for him to say. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.eyes alight. He smiles back. him by the ear. dragging . something. S he sits beside him. She smiles. you never know who you're going to run into. sailor? Thanks. too. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. Wow. Principal Claire sighs "not again. impressed. S T P .. SHANE hey eat in silence. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.." In one move.. Suddenly... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well.. Love it when he does that. Shane`s not so good at small talk. and offers him a milk. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Shane leaps over the table. It's a miracle.

Murney shoves Todd forward. I. Freak? The Students snicker. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. M 73. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. MURNEY Winners never quit. Murney gets up in Shane's face. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.. Silence. No one's sure they heard him right. Then: TODD I am not scared.. Yeah I do. . MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. Talk. What're you so scared of. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. I want to sing. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. MURNEY I've had it. boy. Murney. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. intimidated. Todd looks.. Murney turns around.. now it all makes sense. I quit. I'm right here. TODD Hey. It opens Friday. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back.. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah.

Murney looks around. So calm. You suck. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. it's scary S 74. furious -URNEY So -.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. Todd's telling the truth. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. humiliated. Let's do it. taking flyers.face to face.it reads: . passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. His voice cracks -.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. protecting him. He storms out. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. Everyone is watching. M urney looks over at the Team. The whole team wants to quit. The Gym. You win. Murney did not expect to be called out. TODD There is a man in my house -.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. They look to the ground sheepishly. Your ass is mine.Shane steps them.me. There is a stunned moment -.and then a mob of Students. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. swarm Todd.

Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . hard. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Shane side-steps. and sweeps Murney -. Todd cheers Shane on. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. 3:00. S 75.3:00 mat. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Murney. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. GYM . and they head out. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. shocked. grabs onto Murney's waist. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. WHAM."Murney's getting his ass kicked." INT. Shane throws an arm around Todd. M URNEY on. Murney bounds to his feet.BAM. mumbling something.sending him right into the wall. Todd flops to the mat. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney lands on his back. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. quietly twitching on the ground. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. rushes Shane.

SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. They walk out. TO: EXT. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable.Dislocated nerve. I got my troops waiting. fascinated. Claire. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. If you're not sure. too. TODD That was awesome. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. FOREST . When I Rwanda. . that's all. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. LULU We're Brownies. The crowd cheers. Todd. No brownies edible. BUGS. 76 SHANE either. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months.

INT. Zoe . He laughs at his own joke.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones.. she burns rubber..DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. and. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. NURSERY . in between punches. He signals her. OLD FACTORY . In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. The Kids don't get it.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. MALL PARKING LOT ." INT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. PLUMMER HOUSE . He illustrates the stage directions. the Girls PUNCH. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. In unison. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. he reaches out and rocks it. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying.. The Duck watches all this -. PUNCH.we'll put Von Trapps here. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. PUNCH..FRONT LAWN .. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. EXT. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. Shane holds a stopwatch. here. KICK. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. MALL PARKING LOT . EXT. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. here at the top of the stairs..she hits EVERY ONE -. KICK. in perfect tempo. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.fascinated.

MALL PARKING LOT ... mercilessly. They watch closely. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. The Brownies attack. it teeters.3. NURSERY . as and then her BROWNIE uniform.FRONT LAWN . INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.DAY -"1. T I E 77.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane gives her a signal.. your life little girl. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.. in we WIDEN back. OLD FACTORY . EXT.2. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES..DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. EXT. He counts begins wriggling free." Lulu.out and weaves the cones. blur.BACK YARD . ODD . but doesn't fall. she only clips one. Hands a T ..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. EXT.

Then he tucks Peter in. adding a James Brown flourish. SHANE I'm not your daddy. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Graceful." Singing and doing all the moves -. 8. daddy. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.EVENING . From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. but blows it. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night.he's got it down. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Peter Panda. He kisses Peter on the forehead. now and then. He does a spin kick.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.hard. Graceful. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . INT. Peter.huh? Now. odd tries the spinning kick. Again. he almost bursts into tears. NURSERY . Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Todd tries the kick. But sweet dreams. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. THUD! Gazelle. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Shane is so touched. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Peter.

what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. scary. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. proud. As he's comparing prices -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. wearing the double snuggle. FORMATION.in a FLIP. He smiles. In one move.MOMMY! She lets him go -. at their own table. but like lightning. S SHANE That's my troop. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. striking a cool pose. Across the lot. 9. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The Scout struggles. tying him.. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.they LAUGH.. The Scouts share a look -. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. she wraps it around his arm. the Chubby Cub Scouts.he sees. INT. You're gonna have to pay for that. the Other Scouts are scared. see them.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. he lands on the ground hard. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. The .

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

80.

- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.soldier.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.SHANE He's left alone. BACK YARD . happy. ANGLE . telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. EXT. we're on the first plane in the morning. A tear runs down Zoe's face. She throws her arms around Shane. Shane answers it.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. INT. J 82. WITH: J INT. the kids are all abuzz. HOTEL . HALLWAY . OE I never even got to say good bye. talking excitedly. The phone rings. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.

your wings aren't clipped.NIGHT hane turns the light on.The house is dark. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. GARAGE .. Gary sits in the next chair. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. SHANE Just another assignment. INT. Three squares a day. He pets the Duck. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Shane sighs morosely. unblinking. with. Shane turns. No reason for personal attachments. he Duck stares. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. hane rises. the Duck starts quacking. Kids to play S . Shane sits in a lawn chair. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Gary's foot is caught in a grate.. I guess I better fix that Playroom window.

He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Shane dials a phone. unsuccessfully. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Shane looks on stunned. GARAGE .SHANE What happened. The break in its surface is a strange. and then it gives. He tries muscles rippling.... TO: to S 84.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. . and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. INTERC UT: B harder. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . shines it down the grate. The Kids are watching his progress. He's been trying. leading below the garage. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. DISSOLVE INT. Nothing. The wheel spins. Shane steps down it... No hinges or cracks. only It's solid and inscrutable. Lulu hands him a tool. crack the lock all night. we see a CRANK WHEEL. he floor opens.

W e PUSH INTO the house. CHUN CUT BACK ... revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Except for -. TO: INT. SEDAN . Do you have it? SHANE No. An ominous pause. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. can't crack it. GARAGE . She looks stricken. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.. GHOST. We'll be there shortly -. towards the neighbor's house. excited. Bill reacts. I've been trying all night. relieved. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. don't do anything further. sir.EXT. Silently spying on Shane.. Bill's cell phone rings.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.. MRS. Everyone reacts happily.. Okay. pleased. Julie sits beside him. Away from Shane. GARAGE .don't do anything `til I get there. and hangs up. he answers it. TO: INT. It's in a steel vault. I think I found GHOST.Lulu. BILL . After we turn this in to my CO. Through a window.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Then we slowly MOVE UP.

: The house is spotless. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. SHANE You guys better get ready. in the next room. he has no answer. She trails off. should be home soon.SHANE He goes silent.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. JULIE'S HOUSE . Bill is carrying her suitcases. comes into the dark hall. I 85. LULU But.. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Your mom CUT TO: EXT. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.. Tongue-tied. HOUSE . KIDS VOICES . The fish tank is clear. Kids singing a beautiful.they hear.. Lulu? You should be happy. Shane -. The rug is vacuumed.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. in shock. so they probably trashed the place.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .O. Julie and Bill hop out.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.V. INT. J JULIE'S P..

Shane sees Bill enter. The Kids rush forward and hug her. KITCHEN . INT.. ZOE Welcome home. Julie goes to the. Dumb-struck. no dishes in the sink. BILL (he smiles wryly. mom.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean.. a capella) . ( B 6. 8 JULIE almost faints. with songs they have sung.. for a thousand years.. She staggers to. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Zoe is in a conservative dress. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. She sees.(singing. Lulu has bows in her hair. INT. Peter is fresh faced. DINING ROOM . then salutes back) Good job..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Bill steadies her. featuring Todd.. Across the room. picture- .. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Lieutenant. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Julie starts bawling. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. smiling. S SHANE Captain.

surprised.INT. Sir. pause) But I'll have to think about it. all I've never known is the military. Bill holds the pronged key. reluctant.. BILL I should hope not. S S 87.. ILL I'm really proud of you. anywhere you want. And I think I want to explore that some more. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .. Shane. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. SHANE That's kind of you. Don't get me wrong. Suddenly. an ANGRY VOICE. Bill stops. Shane continues. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. GARAGE . SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. You just name it. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets.

. startled. GUNS DRAWN. Chun comes closer.... he looks up as he drops. Chun.SHANE Lights out.. and starts to fall.. SHANE'S POV woozy. Shane peers in confusion. He turns. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. . CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. Mrs. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. MRS. Mr.. He takes a submissive position. startled. relishing a second of glory -. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up... then passes out. and Mrs.. while SLAMMING their heads together. He is losing consciousness. Shane puts his hands behind his head. B 88. Shane shoots Bill a glance. Disoriented. Things are spinning. CLOSE-UP . SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. hane takes control! He smiles.when suddenly.. There were delays. reaching for Bill's key. confused. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.Shane and Bill spin.

Beside the safe is a red switch. exit. bright and white. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. reaching. scared. NURSERY . with two . ILL North Korea pays better. 8 Bill grins. They anxiously tiptoe. 9. Chun Bill GAGS Julie.. Charles trusted you. Bill and Mrs. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.. livid. JULIE I trusted you. The Korean Man (Mr. You -.with me. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. INT. then slides OPEN! enter. Chun) Keep an eye on them. The door HUMS. Julie glares. The Kids are furious. closing the window shades. Peter has a JUICE BOX. (to Mr. INT. Bill checks the knots binding the children...MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. So did the Department of Defense. They THE VAULT! Spare. Chun approach the steel door. They whimper. Bill and Mrs.. The floor is covered with square tiles. FADE IN: INT. GARAGE . He GAGS the kids.. tied up. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. and it CLICKS. Inside is a dark corridor. Chun) secures the room.BLACK.DAY Shane lies unconscious.

With a rapid blur of finger-work.. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. done. she unties Zoe! Then -. eyeballing them icily. MRS.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Mr. It's set on ARMED. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me.. Bill eyes the safe. Mrs. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" ..the Kids look innocent. The air is filled with an ominous. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. MRS. but the of her jacket is on fire.needing a distraction. CHUN Just. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. completely SINGED OFF. had eyebrows. horrified -. as if she hadn't moved. she hits her panic button! O.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. BEEPING. Lulu frowns. HOUSE ..SAME TIME Mr. then leans back against Zoe. MR. CHUN But I've got some C4.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Chun is Bokay. Chun guards the kids. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.. She confidently strides toward the safe -. off shoulder eyebrows. He sneers. But behind her back. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. low-pitched HUM. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.. Tyler GASPS. startled -. Lulu "looks" scared. then Mr.. quickly assuming a fake bound position.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. like a monstrous computer. INT.S. the Chun spins. Chun whirls -. Mr.

Chun's face.. snake-like move. CHUN That's cute. she KICKS him right in the nuts. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. then. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.. Chun's leg. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. They untie Julie. Chun's head.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Mr. Skeptical. then scoop up Peter and Tyler.. when he's at her level. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Chun laughs: MR. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Mr. BEHIND TODD . It HURTS. Mr. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Chun scowls. he drops to his knees in pain. Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. slamming the door behind her. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. HAM without warning. Chun looks at Lulu. .W Z 90. Lulu runs. but Lulu EVADES with her cool.. he steps closer.

DONNGGG -. NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. Chun's face..but as Julie exits. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. He yells out furious! MR.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. M E M 91. INT. they're trapped inside. She SCREAMS. clutching her! The . making a small hole.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.CONTINUOUS Mr. his face COATED in white. INT.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. He sticks his face out the hole.. INT.. FRONT DOOR . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. I INT. Chun falls back from the door.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. but the door won't budge. Chun punches the door.. NURSERY . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.. Bill lurches into view.CONTINUOUS Mr.doorknob.

. MR. MINIVAN . Mrs. EXT.I've got the keys.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. They start to run back. Chun THE RADIO. then nod and run to the side garage. HOUSE . ARGHH! driveway. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. unsure. CHUN Chun falls. they're not going anywhere. speaking in Korean: RS.kids are horrified. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.. HOUSE . Chun listens to Mr. She floors it.CONTINUOUS r.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.. Chun comes racing around the house -. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's... INT. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret.

holding a military RADIO. GARAGE . They step past Shane's body.Charles didn't tell me about the room. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.. Then. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. B . oe runs a yellow. lying on the concrete. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. Chun exits the vault. Julie GASPS. It's getting old.. INT. gaining on them. I wouldn't have killed him so soon.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. chilled. Don't make me kill you too. a CRACKLING of static. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. leading her to the secret door. INT. Mrs. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. VAN .

SHANE (O. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. He does something we can't see. they might wreck. Bill. to cut them off! INT. He tries to pass them on the right. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. I'll get you in. The men stare down. BUSY STREET .he clicks "talk" on the radio.SHANE They look over -. CHUN Mr. BILL Change of plan.) Bill... everyone looks down. ZOE . Bill uncuffs Shane. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires..93..S.DAY The vehicles race. my husband has question: MR.Shane is standing in the doorway. as Zoe drives. Surprised. emotional. just please don't hurt anyone. It's like a chariot race. Bring them back unharmed. MRS. EXT. Bill deciding if he can trust him. ANGLE . MINIVAN . half on the sidewalk. don't hurt the kids. ILL . Chun zooming by. ill eyes him.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Do it. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.. Then -. It's B risky.

Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mr. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. It throws Mr. and loses control. crayons. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Mrs..... Chun off for a beat. Bill waits impatiently. Chun with debris: milk cartons. disoriented. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Mr. In the van. CRASH!! The kids cheer. triumphant.. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. orange peels. Chun SCREAMS. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly..What's taking you? 94. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Mr.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. INT. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Exasperated. Peter laughs. Zoe looks over. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass.. Hair spray. Shane is figuring his options. She Mr. Chun holds Julie. SECRET VAULT .. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. . M R. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Chun ROLLS UP his window.

He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Watch. sending him flying backwards. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. ill cocks his gun. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase.. puzzled.now. in pain.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. .ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane steps forward. Sweat drips down Shane's face. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS.A bewildered beat -. Shane steps forward . Tyler! Bill reacts. BILL Code or no code..he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. He speaks aloud. Bill laughs. go get it -. Todd. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane gets up. Lulu. landing on his hands and knees. Shane SQUIRTS it. Peter. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Shane leaps back. confidently: J B B 95 .

E 96 . That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. and do the Peter Panda Dance. . He steps sideway.NOTHING HAPPENS. then back: smiles. Julie relieved.. fearlessly. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. And you haven't got a chance. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. NOTHING HAPPENS. just like the crabs do. lower than the floor.they have no idea what he's laughing about. across two tiles. Calmness comes to Shane's face. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. When you're down and low.. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. Something she said. He thinks. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance.SHANE Shane's thinks. Shane he steps forwards. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. Again -. not quite centered to the room. He feels the Groove.. Bill and Julie share a look -. He takes a deep breath. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane LAUGHS sharply. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. CLOSE-UP ..

they're FLYING.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. When he steps back -. ZOE Come on.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. They have my mom. Don't follow me! . 9 7.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. from the ceiling. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. and he catches up with the minivan -. not the brake. 5-0. and our bodyguard -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. EXT. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. The Squad Car's lights flash on. BUSY INTERSECTION .it takes a while. If he'd been standing. he'd be toast. Use the gas. his focus gone. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Zoe blows past it. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled.

My intelligence proved to be faulty. NECK-BRACE. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. SCHOOL . Following the chase. sliding forward. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. INT. pool of liquid. The Squad Car is on its tail. I accept full responsibility. She shakes her head. Squad Car turns around and chases her. at a safe distance.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Zoe U-turns. EXT. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.. 98. concerned. It's acid. EXT. . nervously.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. PLUMMER BASEMENT . is Mr. Claire frowns.the The She swerves into the Squad Car.. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. SUBURBAN STREET .. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. and speeds back towards her house. but if I had more resources. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. the Minivan SPEEDS by. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. Suddenly.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. like there ain't no floor. Then better jump quick. in a cloud of smoke. almost running it off road..

he waves his hand over the floor. Whew. You were always my best man. Bill takes a breath -. He flips the switch to DISARMED. and jumps back. BILL I'll take that as a "no. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Bill signals for Mrs.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Bill looks around.and walks across the room. All that we stand for. BILL (CONT'D) You know. if you're willing to join up. He nervously steps forward . Finally." He jumps. Nothing happens. I knew you'd figure it out. Bill shrugs. It's a stand-off. Beat. Shane. What do you say -. He holds his breath just in time. "Just hold your breath. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. to calm down) Almost done. BILL Thank you. Immediately. The whole room goes SILENT. sir. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. 99. He lands in front of THE SAFE." . the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates.. almost done. disgusted. to the left of the HOLE. The safe's red light turns green. She gestures back: you go. And you betrayed all of that. Mrs.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Chun to go first.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Shane scowls.. He's relieved -. pulling Julie along. Chun follows. and jump to the left.

. SIZZLING. legs! He's crazed. Chun.Mrs. Bill is off guard.. Chun reaches out. I think you better open it. Chun doesn't budge. Bill is incensed. . She turns it. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. I walked the floor first. He starts to reach for the dial.. head.Bill turns to the safe. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. But suddenly Mrs. then catches himself.. Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back. SHANE There will be no mercy. Nothing happens. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. unrelenting. Reluctantly . Shane reaches for the safe. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. her hair on end. Relief. BILL None requested. Bill LUNGES.. trying to read Shane's poker face. You open it. Full of himself. BILL (CONT'D) . And he's strong! shoves Shane back. shaking from the voltage. MRS. Something's not right. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. CHUN AAAAAA! 100.. hitting Bill's arms. but Shane gazes coldly. Bill gestures to Mrs. and touches the dial. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Shane shrugs.

They punch.they tangle like pro's. SHANE .! EXT. But he's unforgiving. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. good night. landing on his back in front of the safe.. Bill is charging him. It's clear the both have the same training. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. tottering. ANGLE . which Shane deflects -.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. then whispers/sings. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. kick. The Police Cars . SHANE You're a. unable to gain her balance. Suddenly.BILL He steps over Shane. PLUMMER'S STREET .. saved. Shane tumbles. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. stumbles backwards across the room.O. connecting only occasionally.. spin. K. the wind knocked out of him. Say. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. terrible neighbor. Shane narrows his eyes. IN THE VAN. everyone is SCREAMING. OOF! Bill tumbles. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. He jumps to his feet. Shane struggles to lose her. Leering mercilessly. he drops and FLIPS her. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. knocking her out. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. She smiles. delivering a series of hard punches. She catapults. Shane shakes his head. Shane COLD-COCKS her. SIRENS wailing. chase after. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat..

TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. INT. Now we can go back to our peaceful. GHOST. But it's too late.101.O.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. She smiles at Shane. Cops surround them. They look in silence. Whoa. grateful. SHANE . Shane steps out.. HOUSE . It's finally over. Shane gently removes it. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.. The garage door raises. SECRET VAULT . JULIE Thank you Shane.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.SAME TIME Total commotion. then BRAKES. smoke BURNING from the tires -.and hits a tree. with their hands raised.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Then -.. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. The van SKIDS. then look in the safe: Inside. The Kid spill out and run.. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . The kids clamber from the van. from the car.

Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Numerous. Nobody is sure what to do. I suggest you call the FBI.a CRAZED SCREAM. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. He scoffs.CUTE COP FREEZE. helpless. The Cops are unsure what to do. Now. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. vaults onto Chun. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER.. Shane spins.. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. He's disheveled and manic. Shane weighs his not so many options.. Zoe. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Even Chun is amazed. ZOE But.. But then -. triumphant. as he turns his head.S. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.. Silence.. 10 2. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. Julie and Shane Freeze.) HIT THE GROUND!!! .a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.. Chun stands inside the gate. uh. Cops cover Shane and Julie. you're in a lot of trouble. CHUN (O. MR.. and grabs the MR. Mr. officer.

I. swelling with pride. then walks off.B.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. CLOSE-UP .B. that was nice work. 103.I. he . F . Shane examines it. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. COP I think I'll call the FBI. SHANE Just doing my job. CLOSE-UP .B. watching the FBI Agents work. Shane talks with an F.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.B. You're a one-man battalion. AGENT Mr. INT. Agent.I.. GARAGE . Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. F. ANGLE . This chaos is unsolvable.I. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.LATER F.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. AGENTS swarm the area. Wolfe. reaches for his radio.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.rocket launcher. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. PLUMMER HOUSE . Julie huddles with the kids.

and gather around. A tear comes to her eye.. Her siblings.. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . fallen onto the floor. Mock-angry.. You're the superior office. She sees... LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. 104. Lulu -. Zoe.. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else.. say -. a letter. Peter. Tyler. He looks at Claire. Julie. SHANE . What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. And to tell the truth. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.. On. re-conning the situation. and Julie notice. The Plummers hug each other. EXT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. He looks around: at the family. then Julie found the key.I want to say: I love you more than anything. SHANE Well. from the safe.Yes. I don't know. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. Shane looks at her.. I'm kinda.. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.Maui? . I'm on dry land. I always have. Summer's almost here. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. You tell me. Todd. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Does it itch? Yes. here.

.he hugs the whole family at once. SHANE Ah... SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. LULU This is it. sad. 105. Thank you. I'm gonna . SHANE Your dad would be so proud.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.his medal. squeezing them off the ground. ZOE But. He starts to head off. P ETER Love you.he can't keep it in. He squeezes her hand around it. Like he did. Guess you have to go now.. She puts out her hand. baffled. He wipes his face. come here you.Sir yes sir. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Shane. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . to shake his. He puts them down.SHANE This is too much. Julie looks up. Lulu turns to Shane. interrupting. Your work here is through. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. A long beat. Zoe gives them a look -. The Plummers all approach. For everything. Shane bawls -. TIGHT . SHANE Claire beams.

Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Farewell. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him.a Michael Jordan dunk. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. even Murney." Hearts swell. until he sits back down. Todd spins. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. BACKSTAGE . She is surrounded by her children. Shane watches with bated breath. the little Brownie Troop." In the audience. It's fantastic -. Claire: dressed to the nines. A STANDING OVATION. They all watch.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. The performers take their curtain . CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. You Are Sixteen begins. rapt. VICTORIA THEATRE. hit your marks.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. his hair combed. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. Scott: in a suit. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. Julie watches in astonishment. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. beaming with pride. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Shane stands. In SLOW MOTION. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps.

com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy. He humbly steps into view -. Mission accomplished. Shane smiles.-The. FADE OUT. Thundering applause. touched.html on December 9 2010 . then giddily gesture Shane to come out. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.calls. THE END http://www.imsdb.