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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
.. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. Up to his nose. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. ON THE DECK .. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. One of our SEALS calls out to them. He cuts the Professor's GAG. they're almost out of ammo.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. hauling the Professor up. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. EXT. when I say it. My way -.SIMULTANEOUS 4.. As the water rises. Plummer screams. PLUMMER How did you know where I.. When it finally opens. But you have to do exactly what I say. He tries force the door open. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. over his head. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. United States Navy. .) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room.no highway option. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. to the roof. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. Shane removes his mouth piece. INT. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. him his oxygen. but can't get free. He's gone. terrified. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. I'm gonna get you outta here. SHIP'S HOLD . The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.
.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. INT. 5. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. SHIP'S HOLD .. INT. HELICOPTER . Shane takes a deep breath.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. more!" They do. clearly he loves this kind of day. terrified. Hold on. OCEAN'S SURFACE . He . Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. SHANE INT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . HELICOPTER . and pulls himself. pulling the Professor in behind him. EXT. holding the Professor. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.
CHARLES I'm safe. rotors whirling slowly. shutting him up. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. thank you. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Please..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. I'm just not big on chit chat. She thinks I'm dead. Charles stops Shane.. EXT. I can't believe you. how'd we. waits. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Lieutenant. That was the most incredible. .. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. the Professor looks terrified. We have to keep moving.. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. CHARLES Lieutenant. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth... Not imperative to the mission. PLUMMER Oh my God. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.beside him. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick.
The briefcase pops open. Shane looks at him. Charles dials his cell phone. INT. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. I have a picture of my kids in here. It's voice activated. and talks.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. Shane drops. Tyler. I do security.. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Designed it myself. PAVE HAWK .. Lulu.. SHANE We're almost ready. I'm alive. knocked unconscious. Todd.couldn't crack it. you want to see it? Negative.Charles picks up his briefcase... that's my specialty. DEAD. All goes . And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code.. Peter.. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. puzzled. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.. PILOT sits. WHAM. Charles dials.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Shane considers. then hands him his satellite phone. RUN!!! black. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. back to him. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case..
SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. as the chopper ignites. Everything is ablaze. A Huey Helicopter lands. You're the best man I ever trained. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. PAVE HAWK . Bill sits down beside the bed. EXT.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.friendly. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . despondent. He holds a REPORT in his hand. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. barely conscious. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. sir.V. in slow-motion. HOSPITAL ...MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Captain.7. but he does it anyway. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. HOSPITAL . His arm and face bandaged. He sees Charles.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. unassuming. SHANE'S P. SHANE . And a good friend.: Everything is a blur.O. unconscious. He looks around. Shane reaches out.it hurts to salute. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. and takes Charles' Briefcase. There is huge explosion. He takes a long look at Shane. I know sir.
appreciate your confidence..O. disappointed.S.T.H. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. I.T. G. Bill shakes his head... Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. He can't believe his good fortune. disconnects an IV. SHANE The case was empty sir. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. It's not that kind of mission. Thank you. he pulls off bandages. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. BILL Not a surprise. SHANE Sir. .. Bill considers this. as I stated in my report..SHANE He had to call his family. is still out there.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.a genius. and starts to rise. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.S.. really.. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.H. and sits opposite Shane. Invigorated. I'm gonna need the mini sub. He called it G. 8. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. Shane sits up. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.O. He pulls up a chair. Then. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. BILL ..
. BILL The professor's wife requested you. Shane Wolfe. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. It's just that.O.Shane listens. Shane is shocked. presses play. Shane is surprised. I got a call from the professor's wife.NIGHT . BILL . is in that house. Searched the place.S. sir. Maybe it is. Not even when I was a kid sir.. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. intrigued. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. I love you. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. hearing the dead man's voice. I'm alive. Whoever killed the professor must think G..) Honey. I need someone to stay at that house.. (MORE) 9. SHANE'S APARTMENT .S.T. CHARLES (O. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared... Widow. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. anyway. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I should go. maybe it isn't.H. CUT TO: INT. Either way. He's a good man. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. She told me someone had broken into her home.. and protect them. call Lt. I've never been very good with kids.if anything happens to me. sir.. The family's scared.. top to bottom. I'll call you in an hour..
O. identical to the one he wears. EMALE VOICE (o. 8.V. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. He looks at for a moment. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). Shane looks down -. also identical to the one he wears. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. machete. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. . Lulu eyes Shane. Shane eyes Lulu. they all go in. Shane frowns. Shane's P.. It SQUEAKS.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.and sees LULU. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.Shane packs his duffel bag. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Shane double-checks the address. with toys all over the lawn.. 10. night vision goggles. He rejects it. Shane looks like a bad ass.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. SUBURBAN STREET . He reaches in. ready for anything.. EXT. peering up at him. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.s. we're not interested. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. Hm. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. camouflage vest. The sprinklers go off. Shane heads to the door. and pulls out a small.then the door swings open.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
s. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. Julie casually answers it. I have some potentially good news.. entersJULIE I'll be there. Through the window.NIGHT Shane. 14. BILL (o. LIVING ROOM .MORNING stand hug Julie. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.) Julie. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Helga will . Swiss law says only his family can access it. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. I think it could contain GHOST. JULIE That's wonderful.Nighttime -. listening to the conversation. it's Bill Fawcett.the family eats dinner. We slowly pull out. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Julie and Shane share a look. through the kitchen window. INT.s. Shane. The phone RINGS inside. This could all be over! BILL (o.. INT. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property... with her suitcase. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.) There's a catch.
And on the back door. I'm gonna miss you. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I'll be back in 48 hours. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. No. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. I am a mom... Julie gets in the car and it drives away. ZOE Mom -. And on the phone. are you licensed to kill? . it's my job to worry... JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.we'll be fine. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. it's just. SHANE Don't worry. I love you guys.. HELGA Everything will be fine. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. do it. H S .handle everything... Mrs. Helga will take care of everything else.. . (Worried:) But if there is an emergency.. And guys. chill. They'll be safe with me. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. Plummer.
Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points..s. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . INT. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. He shuts off the - . can't find him. on a short ladder.WHRRP! Shane ducks.NIGHT hane rushes in -.. Shane turns off the light. SHANE (CONT'D) . Gary suddenly FLIES by . Shane shakes his head. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . looks around for the CRYING BABY. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. I make bottle. Shane heads down the hall. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.5. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.NIGHT Shane. Immediately.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. pouring in Cheerios.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. elga stomps out. You do something. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.. when in the corner of his eye -.. INT.. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.
jumps onto the trampoline. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.BACK YARD . Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL.. but alright. Zoe -. .. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. EXT.. runs off. come on Scott.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. S COTT . Zoe! .. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.window alarm and sneaks out silently. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. He's dazed. They both tumble to the ground. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. ZOE He's my boyfriend. Shane runs. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. tool. SHANE Not with this kid. ZOE Okay.. fine. I'll call you. calling out from across the street.go back inside. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. house like a marionette.. 16. PLUMMER HOUSE . revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager.
SHANE My apologies. no accent) We speak English. Shane addresses them. SHANE MRS. They're arguing with each other in Korean.NIGHT . CHUN . CHUN (perfect English. pop their heads out. PLUMMER HOUSE . CHUN Thanks a bunch. Shane's about to head inside. Oh. we own a bakery. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.. I INT. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Sorry. MR. The Alarm's still blaring.. Look. fuming. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 .Zoe storms inside. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry.. huh baby-sitter? Mr. THE CHUNS. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut.. MR. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. A simple misunderstanding.. We had an intruder.. so we're up kind of early. The alarm stops. Oh. and we found this in our pool filter. Kojak. Shane stands there.
then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. Loud. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. continues down the hall.s. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. Bite me! Shane frowns. SHANE Not anymore. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. to not fall over. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Zoe falls backwards into the room. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. She has to hop on one foot.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. . angry rock music blares from Todd's room. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. lower than the floor. ZOE Who do you think you are -.) sing). Shane marches back down the hall. You should have told her the truth. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Shane flips her foot in the air. Shane shuts her door. S W 1 8.
keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. Then jumps up. warm orange light. Shane shakes his head. Three steps forward. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times.laugh and laugh. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. PLUMMER HOUSE . in bed -. She does.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. and do the Peter Panda Dance. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. he wriggles on the floor. EXT. HOUSE .groove. just like the crabs do. Peter in his bed. to their beds. T Z Z T 19. INT. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. In the bedrooms. .SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. one step back. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. then "crab-walks" sideways. The Children.
Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Not in front of the kids.MORNING Todd sits up. not understanding what's happening. L Move. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.. Suddenly his door flies open -.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. 20 . ODD It's Sunday.. Todd blinks groggily. half-asleep and angry. S . You're insane. carrying the crying baby. INT. Covering their ears.m. TODD'S ROOM . like she's been electrocuted. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. oe is wrapped in blankets.odd is out cold.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Move. disoriented. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. motionless. Helga runs through in hair curlers. HALLWAY . Todd pulls the blanket over his head.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.
HELGA (She curses Again. L 21.) Shane's jaw drops. in Romanian. lined up tallest to shortest.he gives him a look of disbelief. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. No highway option. sucking on a bottle. shocked. INT.do you. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.do you. . SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.... In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.LATER The children are assembled. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. ladies. Your behavior is unacceptable. KITCHEN . HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.
INT.a tense silence.(pointing) Red 1. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. S ULU (CONT'D) . Red 2.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. He tries the knob. Shane bangs hard on it. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. wait. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. P eter farted. Touch that -.. ZOE He's in his room. He yells at her.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. where's the older male? There were five. ZOE I am not wearing that. I tell you what to do -.. Angry. Red Leader. Everyone stares blankly -. or you're dead. Now that I know I can't trust you.and you do it. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.. So you are -. but it's locked. Shane tries to maintain decorum. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Shane bounds up the stairs. Red baby. Everyone cracks up. Never take them off. The panic button is only for emergencies. End of chain. SHANE Tracking devices.you better be dying. he's furious. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium..
INT. Zoe comes up the stairs. to her room. He has to go.a FLUSH.LATER ZOE . then CRASHES inward.. If you'd been wearing it.they glare at Shane. I can fix this. PLUMMER HOUSE . Oops. patrolling. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. INT. He sees Shane. and Todd comes sauntering back. HALLWAY . A piece of the ceiling falls. Down the hall -. Todd nods in agreement. this wouldn't have happened. and head down the hall.. She stops at Todd's door -. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris..NIGHT The bathroom door opens.22. The entire frame collapses. INT. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. hits Shane on the head.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer.MORNING . TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Shane steps aside.. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. the destroyed door and wall.
I don't know.S. Peter Booos again. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. just as -. Really? His eyes light up. hard. he hears something suspicious -. clicks his alarm remote opens it.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Shane turns.LATER . to see that Peter is chasing her. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. INT. wearing a towel as a sheet.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. HALLWAY . L S 23. He rushes for the front door. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. Lulu hides behind Shane. Daddy even said so. Lulu SHANE Hey. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Peter! screams. hey.WHACK -. PAPERBOY (O. He pretends to be a ghost.the rumble of a car approaching. His head shifts. And then it hits Shane. LULU This house is haunted. He said there's a ghost.
appears. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. listening for hollow spaces. Nothing... Then -.ZOE AND TODD . Searching.Shane walks slowly down the hall. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.. all the way down. T IGHT . He RAPS again. then turns his attention to his laptop. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Shane scans it. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.a creak. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. I INT.. scanning the ceiling. STAIRWAY . As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. When he hears an alert from his laptop. as laundry flutters down from above. pushing. She screams. feeling. carrying a huge laundry basket. BANGING her head and ass on each step.. Zoe whispers. He goes back to the living room. MR. ZOE Here he comes. inally. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.. F .
ZOE Uh-oh. we're going to have to file a complaint. EXT. INT. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. It's taking him a LONG time. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk.They gulp. this is an urgent matter. He feebly gets up. BANKER Marcel! out. I can't.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. Not in Switzerland. He seems to be about 100 years old. The Banker looks at him blankly. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. Bill can't stand it anymore. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. but can't get the page to turn. 25. SWISS BANK . . He dips his finger in the water to turn the page.DAY Establishing. He licks his finger again. terrified.DAY Bill and Julie. They wait patiently -. He jumps to his feet. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. Then looks back to the paperwork. If we can't get some faster service. then licks his finger to turn the page. SWISS BANK . mouthing along in FRENCH. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. looking jet-lagged.
SAME TIME Helga. He DRAGS her back.Shane tries to block her path. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. suitcases in hand. PLUMMER HOUSE . The duck flies around. The suitcase handle breaks off.Another Banker. grabbing her foot. Shane moves for the phone. QUACKING. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. the chief does not speak English. As soon as your background checks clear. He grabs her suitcase. and Helga dashes for the door. Shane picks up the receiver. RING! Amid the chaos. Peter's in the aquarium. As she tries to wrestle it away. JULIE Thank you. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. MARCEL. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. heads to the door -. SHANE (CONT'D) . MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas.you will have access to the box tout-suite. HELGA I am calm. enters. remain calm -- 26. Shane dives. Suddenly. But I can tell you -. How long is that? INT. Oui. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. I QUIT.
CRUNCH.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Shane body-checks it closed. Duty.. against the counter. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Helga struggles to get him off. Plummer. 27.Ah. Shane lets go... Helga scampers out the door. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. that landed on a diaper. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. (covering the phone. Mrs. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. EXT. and Shane falls back.everything's fine. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. He picks up his hand. Mrs. Shane hangs up the phone. Just doing my.. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. HOUSE .Helga falls forwards.
He drops his head.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. ANGLE . in the rear window.. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. . INT. takes a deep breath and strides inside.he slowly glances up. SHANE Okay.. baby cries.Helga jumps in the cab. Helga glares back. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. she'll come back. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. listen up. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. There's been a change of plans. we're just gonna have some more big fun.SHANE Rises. to find the kids are all gloomy. Then -. dumbfounded. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. The 28. In the meantime. HOUSE . defeated. ANGLE .. if she loves you..
HEY! Even Peter runs. Using the tools as chopsticks.SHANE He gulps.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. Only then can we rise to the challenge. And then -. everyone bolts from the room. . holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.. 29. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. SShane GROANS.. repelled. inundated. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER.it flops open. All for one. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. BATHROOM . nice moment.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Nobody will help. Pure self-preservation. SHANE Whoa. I'm Navy. your enthusiasm. holding his nose. takes a deep breath. CLOSE-UP . Until -. INT.
LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.) Thank you.. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. like a puppy. INT. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. he looks down to see Lulu. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. SHANE (unsure how to respond. I think you're cute. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Aghast. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. . LULU Hi.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. he looks around for a solution..SHANE The things I do for my country. 30.he can't do it. Lulu is in her pj's. she just stares at him. Lulu doesn't go away. HALLWAY . Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Shane tries approaching -. then FLUSHES. over and over and over. Lulu follows at his heels. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. She follows.
And I've survived off this stuff for months. Lulu looks at him. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Shane smiles. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. proud of his accomplishment. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches.BREAKFAST . and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. little girl. The kids sit down at their designated spots. in beddibye land. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. like he's an idiot. The Kids stare at "breakfast. all the kids asleep. I can get lots more of those. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. KITCHEN . Todd. INT." dubious. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. . and patrols.it's time for you take a nappypoo. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. All the lights are out. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.Shane walks room to room. and shuts off her light. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. 31.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. pulling down the shades on every window. Shane breathes a sigh of relief.
We're gonna pull together. Shane answers. Shane sighs. you stay in.. Wanna see? Negative.. Shane turns to Lulu. Peter stands in his chair.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. you go out.. too. So -. ladies. Peter starts bawling. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.here's how it's gonna be.. then at Tyler -. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. .. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. (then:) Yes. Your mama -. trying to hear over the screaming. He runs away. If I say in.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. LULU .who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs... I can cross my eyes.is not here to take care of you now. crying. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.. dancing. ZOE He's only two.. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. And the phone rings. all for one. one for all. if I say out. The table cloth is yanked to the floor..
dramatically unveiling Shane.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. GARAGE . into a TINY parking spot -.. you and Todd are expelled. LULU We're gonna be late. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. sir. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . EXT.. EXT.h. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE ... He said if you're late again. Oh. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. GARAGE . legal guardian. innocently. INT. He hangs up.. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. SHANE Not on my watch. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. and at that . With your .a death defying. perfect parallel park. yes. The Minivan skids completely sideways. I know it's Monday. Thank you.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. Across his chest. Zoe smiles at him." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.9:29 A. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.M. A big suburban school. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside... It hits ZERO. It just doesn't add up. Shane fumbles with it for a while. backwards at sixty m.. He wants to see you in his office. INT. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.p.
too. a few days. He withers. Well. mortified. Murney is furious. assured. I'm Murphy. holding Peter on a harness. Out of twenty-three. . He's HUGE and mean. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. they needed a parole officer. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. He glares at Shane. tough. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. The Kids are seated around him. I coach wrestling. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. They're the worst students in my school. V.P in charge of discipline. whatever work you can get.moment. The Kids crack up. conduct and truancy. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . K thru 12. boy. son? SHANE Wolfe.. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. Plummer finally listened. Looks like Mrs. as he plays on the floor. She's attractive. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Lieutenant.. Duane. Shane. Top to bottom. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. You're in my house now. Murney is unimpressed.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. that as vice principal. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. fuming..Good morning kids. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads.. as he casually holds the three kids. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Plummer called my captain. impressed. Get moving. SHANE Red 1. Good. (then. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I am in charge of. 34. Shane checks his TRACKER -. She told me all about you. Lieutenant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little.and suddenly reacts. You see. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. The teens hustle off to their classes. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.. Claire sees this -.two little red DOTS move away. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining... Mrs. The opens the door for Murney. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . BELL rings. I think I can handle this from here. staring him up and down. Principal Claire eyeballs him. He exits. Plummer. What are you doing in my office. Red 2. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm.
Courage. SHANE . revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. and the way I run my school. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. Claire looks nervously around.(Shane nods.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. to balance Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.... So. That's the way I live my life. Service paid for my college. dead serious. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL ..) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. On the spot. Welcome aboard. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. SHANE .MID-MORNING seeShane. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.. SHANE Can't be too careful. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. The 35. She lifts her pants leg. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. SHANE "Honor. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. Just try not to frighten the children. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.
.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. yanks his hood over his head.last time: Open the hanger.. Black Hawk coming in. INT. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Official Business. two. Zoe.. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. He checks his tracking device. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. CAFETERIA .Clean as a whistle. sitting in the back row of a class. delighted. 36 . Now -. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. . Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. with stern intensity. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. BINOCULARS P. like a tether ball. in line to get lunch.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Shane closes the computer. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. one. SHANE Give up now. Todd.V. Beside Shane.V.O. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. picks up a pair of binoculars. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Todd. does the same. Lulu sees Shane and waves.O. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. turns her back to him embarrassed. Save us both a world of pain. He turns to the person front of him.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Can I call you Shane? . you don't. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. ignoring him. You're on dry land. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. with milk. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. 37. you know.) Shane. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. SHANE Hey -. Mr.Tyler gurgles. huh? Shane gives her a look..but you're pretty good at this. Tyler laughs. Seriously. I'm impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. man. Claire smiles.. lieutenant.I out rank you. not so dry where you're sitting. I guess. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. When you agreed to serve your country. A whole day. Principal Claire smiles. Shane sighs. He yanks Tyler away from him. Sure.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. (she looks at his chair) Well.. . RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that.. (she toasts.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. Oh.
Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again.That's. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. impressed. MURNEY He did. in the crowd. (Todd) 38. next week's tournament is off. INT. Murney smirks. Zoe... but not stopping it. and "punches fists" with him. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Personally .. cheering. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. the crowd freezes. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. As soon as they see the Principal. MURNEY You heard the lady. LUNCH-LINE . and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. I don't care who starts it. unusual. Look at him. VP Murney is watching.
I'm a black belt myself. He'd kill you so fast. sir. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . (low. SHANE . Maybe some other time then. MURNEY Pretty slick. what do you say? Come on. sticking the landing. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch.. MURNEY Oh.Todd lands on his feet.. Murney. I forgot you had to baby-sit. SHANE . The Bell rings.. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. yeah. .. I'm on duty. Boys'll be boys. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. That's right. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Frogman -. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Maybe you could stop by practice. Don't even think it. flinch. Nice moves..total control. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane.. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. 39 . Murney approaches Shane. man. stopping an inch from Shane's head. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Sorry. Todd lunges at him. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. the crowd breaks up. promise I'll go easy on you.I think that's a little harsh. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -.
The Principal strolls up... Tyler is crying. Roger that. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean.. Have fun. for one who'll eat. holding Tyler out like a grenade.CONTINUOUS . SCHOOL HALLWAY . Uh. INT. Not my job. 40.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. Bathroom's down the hall. another dollar twenty. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. It leads him to a door. SHANE Oh -. and not cry. Then Shane smells what she means -. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. as he keeps watch. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Just then. doing a shoulder roll. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . Shane recoils in disgust.change him.. following his tracking device. Emergency! SHANE INT. But. Lt. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. minus taxes. He bursts though it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .. Panicked. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.Tyler's diaper is full.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF.
He speeds away after them. Thanks. EXT. At that moment. CONSTRUCTION SITE . 41.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. through the fence. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . HALLWAY . The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. BUSY INTERSECTION .CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe .CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. with the Panic Button in her hand. Shane makes a right. almost tipping the minivan. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. I INT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. He hands her to the Principal. Lulu is in front of the class. He leaps out of the minivan.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. are heading away from the school fast. SHANE EXT. EXT. but the FINAL BELL rings.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. He blasts through a red light. EXT. Shane is furious. Shane lands in fight stance -. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.the Class applauds.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. They make a sharp right.
He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. Shane trudges through the river of muck. Shane pries off the manhole cover.It's dark and dank. SEWER .section. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. He winces.then RUN. INT. and charges through. Shane easily takes them out. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. He catches his breath. feet away. they hear the front door open. INT. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. then checks the tracker -. From outside. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. Three Workers rush him. He takes a deep breath and dives under. Shane lowers himself down.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. and the sound of OMINOUS. then checks his tracker.then gasps -. SQUISHY footsteps. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's horrific.the DOTS are CLOSE.SHANE He's alone. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. No sweat. you're about to get a beat down. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. IN THE MANHOLE . The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. .LIVING ROOM . all brandishing tools. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. ANGLE .
Ditto. weird hair. The Cop leaves. thank you. The Cop turns to Shane. looking like a Swamp Creature. Call. then covers their noses. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. 43 INT.b. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. If you need anymore help. use our nonemergency number. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.Then the door swings open. Todd stiffens. Everyone gasps. The Cop looks at them. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. he doesn't say anything... 16 year old female. BATHROOM . CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself.. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. INT.LATER Shane is in the shower.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. . revealing Shane. with a smirk. Covering her nose. BACK YARD . The smell is BAD. Zoe fixes her hair. Zoe checks him out as he goes.p. KITCHEN . but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. . She practically GAGS as she passes him. INT.
pulling Lulu after him.. 4 .) Get rid of them. it's Monday. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. we can't go the Jamboree.Shane enters. And it's not like I have any other friends. LULU We have to. SHANE (O. INT.. close to tears. 4. You gotta help me out. Shane.a dozen little girls in uniforms. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. They already think I'm a loser. They won't be home `til ten. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. (whispers:) Come on. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.all junk food. LULU I can't. in just a towel. He sees on the fridge. cringing in disgust. FAMILY ROOM .S. they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . and whistle. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. If we don't sell enough cookies.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Mom's our den mother. Lulu starts to sniffle. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. Monday. The Brownies applaud. He looks at it.
do as I say. I'm gonna be your den -commander. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something.. Now -. Tonight. . ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. INT. Shane sighs. They are assembled. the other to his back. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. KITCHEN . Shane blows passed her. Zoe's on the phone. Here's how it's gonna be. INT. He's not just locking them -. then drills it into place. getting ready to go. yeah. at attention. ZOE ... LIVING ROOM .. INT.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. he's a total psycho. ladies. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. unpacking boxes of cookies.wait here. SHANE Alright. BROWNIE Den Mother? . I'm scared of you.. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. ZOE'S BEDROOM .Lulu's about to burst into tears.. back in "uniform.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.MOMENTS LATER Shane.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Indian Style. SHANE Good.
Scott. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. I dunno if that's a good idea. the camera CRANES up to. EXT. Zoe picks up the phone. nuts?" EXT. ZOE .AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway.. He looks around at the bright. GROCERY STORE . NOTHING looks familiar -. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM.5. No. DRIVEWAY . not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. but they're . LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. hits speed-dial. GROCERY STORE .. He smiles. Snack packs.. SHANE I gotta get supplies. as he pushes a cart into the store. GROCERY STORE .."what are you...MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. it's like Oz or something. GROCERY STORE . I can see you through the window. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. EXT. INT. 4 EXT..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor.. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.PARKING LOT . (she listens:) Hm... He sees: a huge.nothing even looks like food.. Tyler looks at him -. but if anything happens. he's got us on lock-down.
I haven't seen anybody. GROCERY STORE . clutching their boxes.she tugs and tugs. menacingly. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. EXT... but can't get away. He rips it open. . One The Brownies take off running.. you Skeever? . He laughs.. Finally. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. chubby CUB SCOUTS. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory.. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT .MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. The Cub Scouts high-five.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone.noticing very shy. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. and lets her go. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. they're back. One of the Brownies spots something. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. before I get my face punching badge on you.
Cheese MANAGER. Where? SHANE INT. He firmly tells Lulu.A LITTLE LATER . Get in the car. PARKING LOT .I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. CHEESE .2ND SCOUT Nope. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Shane's monitor starts beeping. trembling. CHUCK E. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. The Brownies scream. and points at Lulu's Panic button. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. I'm here to protect you. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Not cookies.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. He bends down. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. EXT. Around his neck. you're supposed to take us to dinner. we're going home. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. He heads toward the Scouts. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. 47.22's. He wears . The Brownies are huddled behind it. If I don't come back -avenge my death.
but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. This much The Manager laughs. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.braces and head-gear. playing video games and ball..CHAOS. Lulu approaches.. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. Cheese! Wider reveals. Cheese automaton band JAMS. skee Brownies are running around. . while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. On stage.. which causes him to lisp. the Chuck E. The Manager approaches Shane. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.. A LITTLE LATER: 48. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. Shane's watching Peter. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. this much cyanide.
She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. then kicks him in the face.she pins him to the ground. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. and then a kick in the face. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks..Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. He's really mad.LULU I pressed two player. stretches. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Lulu picks a small female character. Nobody can jump thirty feet. . then cracks her in half over his knee. He steps up to the machine. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. kneels on his head. Shane even get one punch in -. Round three starts.. The second round starts. spins her. SHANE That's not fair. My joystick's broken. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. He cracks his knuckles. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Unless you're scared. Then he a joy stick. He checks over his shoulder -. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. I thought you liked combat. Shane is taking it really seriously. LULU The Hulk can. They begin.
He and the Brownies sneak away. He is KO'd. INT.stop worrying.. PLUMMER HOUSE .take a shot. while he pounds the buttons. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. dancing. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. LULU You're not even trying. Shane's working the joy stick hard. 50. come on -. ZOE .. HOTEL ROOM . it's my job to worry.. jumping. She keeps dancing. LULU Too slow.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. swing and a miss..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. It's really annoying.LIVING ROOM . its joystick dangling by its wires... slamming buttons. oops too slow.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. but he can't hit her. INTERCUT WITH: INT. swinging and missing. Shane's really fuming.. ZOE Mom -.... leaving the sizzling machine. Lulu's having fun now. the Zhouse is quiet. Sparks fly.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE..
CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.The Plummer House: .LIVING ROOM . but you know I have to do this. everything's cool. . JULIE It's only a few more days. not cool. VARIOUS SHOTS . who doesn't seem concerned at all.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up.in my cell.Seriously.. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . And the folks who read my BLOG. Don't worry. MALL PARKING LOT . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. She turns to Scott.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. 51. I hate leaving you. ZOE I know. The guy's just a control freak. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. counting them. this is outta hand. loads Brownies into the minivan. I love you. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude. kids everywhere. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. INT. Zoe rolls her eyes.. ZOE Dude.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. up. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. we're okay.
. and goes down for the diaper. He holds his breath.for a long time. to leave a man behind like that. INT. freestyling in the ball pool -. S 52. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Suddenly. move. SUBURBAN ROAD .they almost always do. He charges across the room with the diaper. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SHANE Inexcusable. is fine. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. out away from him. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. Whoa.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. He's still down there. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. move! Go go! EXT. Silence.Move. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He disappears under the balls -. CHEESE ... the Brownies follow. CHUCK E. again. The Manager is watching him. Shane grimaces. SHANE . gasping. He's holding the diaper. We see what he forgot: PETER. MANAGER Relax. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces..not okay.. Not okay.LATER .
PLUMMER HOUSE .. we're gonna do this . then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. Party's over. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. a total wreck. 53. INT. scared.'s turntables.then CRUSHES the ball.J..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. chugging drinks. jocks throwing footballs. Shane snatches it mid-air -. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. trying to understand. as he pulls up in the Minivan. Shane takes Lulu. peeing in the bushes. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Scott. at a full run..and groans in disbelief. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. Now. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Outraged.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.. Reeling. vents.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors.. CLUB lock off the door. windows. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. making out. He gets out -. then RUN. Peter and Tyler up the path.KITCHEN ... SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.
and rubs his finger UNDER IT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Scott gulps . TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE.then he notices something.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLOP. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . INT. He holds it up to a KID. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. furiously clean. Scott and Zoe. Shane's eyes narrow.. He hands Scott the mop.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . He lifts the sofa.. Shane goes over them. trying to maintain his dignity. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. residue. ladies.no highway option. Oh my god.. straightening -. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. It reads: GHOST. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Miserable TEENS scrub.CONTINUOUS . as kids clean. PLUMMER HOUSE . CUT EXT. He fumes. Clean.my way -. INT. through binoculars. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. mopping...SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. in Playtex gloves. labeled with a Sharpie. and walk out of sight. he takes it off. They see Shane find the CD. In a bathroom.
. Rambo. (Announces:) Company. Thanks a lot. You're like a robot. downstairs! He walks down the hall. shaky and furious.. you hate us. My friends will never come here again. ZOE I do too respect myself. Shane . and screams in Shane's face.. Todd picks her up.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out.. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. ueasy.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Because you have no respect for yourself. sits down. He heads upstairs. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. PLUMMER HOUSE . Zoe blows past him -. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Zoe gets up. outside the bathroom door. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Shane stands. ZOE . Lulu's crying. Zpounding on doors.into the bathroom. INT. They show no respect for you or your house. she pukes again. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Scott's the last one to leave. After a beat. helpless. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Shane hands her a handkerchief. CUT TO: EXT. furniture polished. where she throws up.
hand it over! staffs. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.55. NINJA GHOST -... fiercely -.. I'm gone. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. TWO NINJAS. Shane spins in fight-stance. They leap down after him. I'm not the man for this job. tired) It's Scott. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.the three fight. Go to your rooms. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Not even from the enemy. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. pounding him with their .they're good. as soon as your mom comes back. Suddenly -.the power goes out. SHANE You're right.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. SHANE Puberty. He goes down. Wielding with great skill. Suddenly. close-quarters and fast. talking doesn't do any good.. Red 1. Don't worry. all in black BURST in through the window.. The Ninjas attack. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS.
WHACK.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. They step back. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. he hits a Ninja in the head.. The Ninjas move towards him -. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. blinding him. Shane runs to the changing table.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. and uses them both to fend off blows. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over.. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. it makes a silly thunk. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.. 56 INT. avoiding Legos. . Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.knocking him into. toys fly. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. a squeezes . With his foot. Shane crashes down. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. SHANE Okay -. several FURBIES hit the floor. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME..then the Ninjas charge. PLAYROOM . he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. fiercely.. and grabs it.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. and flings them all over the floor. He pulls the string. Shane fends the Ninjas off. facing them.
KICKING a Ninja in the chest. It's okay. . that your father invented. He A long pause -. HALLWAY . Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.SHANE 57. blinded. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He really hugs them. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. He sprays it in Shane's face. INT. terrified. quietly knocks. He hugs them.. Todd and Zoe enter.then the door creaks open. Shane bangs the window sill. You can open up. TODD Who were they? What did they want. SHANE It's safe.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. Shane isn't sure what to do. The cloud dissipates. disappointed to have lost them... POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. SHANE I'm not going anywhere.. and Shane sees he's now alone. Kids.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. fearful..... He runs to the broken window. he hugs Peter and Lulu. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. ANGLE . bawling. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. Then. SHANE Shhh.? SHANE They're looking for a program. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up... Shane approaches Zoe's door. He squints.
He looks Zoe. Shane offers his hand to shake. the other kids join in.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. The kids shudder. And I'm not going anywhere. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. relieved.a long pause. Soon. Then. Zoe answers it. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Shane is furious -.then they hug him. absolutely nothing pottery . 58. I'll listen to you too.. They hug him tighter. too. you listen to me. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. as long as I'm here... (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. SHANE They're not after you.. They shake -. "Unchained Melody. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. From now on. Then.. CLOSE-UP . He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. all smiles. Deal? Truce -. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. But nothing's gonna happen to you. it's been a long night." And then. and do what I say. Zoe laughs: she can't help it.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. LIVING ROOM . startled.they all jump. They want this. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.. eye to eye. INT.
They were looking for GHOST.. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.it's okay. SCHOOL . metal two pronged KEY... Plummer.. She holds up the strange. Don't worry -. two men tried to get into the house tonight.MORNING Early morning.. You have any luck? JULIE Well. Shane takes the phone.happened you should worry about.So soon? We were just starting to have fun.we'll be just fine. and Shane emerges with the five kids. Nope. everyone's fine.. but they didn't find it. yes and no. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. SHANE (very genuine) . It looks like some kind of "key". SHANE No . They're gone. INTERCUT: INT. We just don't know what its for. SHANE Mrs.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. We found something in the box. But we're not sure what it is. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. . HOTEL ROOM . students run in to school. EXT. The minivan pulls up.
Peter 60 She smiles.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. SHANE Don't worry. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. Shane nods. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. mortified. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. HITS the gas. Murney stands.. An obstacle course with cones. SCHOOL PARKING LOT ." Then. . So. Lulu's classmates all chant.. He dips an INT. ANGLE on Shane. egg in some purple dye. reacting each time she HITS the gas. a crazed TEACHER next to her.she'll pay for the damage. sunglasses on. SCREAMING. she wrecked a driver's Ed. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. who sits in the back. THE GYM . LULU'S CLASSROOM . shaking his head.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. ANGLE on Lulu. squashed at a little desk.DAY Driver's Ed. LULU'S CLASSROOM . They look concerned. making a mess of an egg. MURNEY . then BRAKES. and smiles at Shane. I know it's good.. "yeah. then BRAKES. Shane stands off to the side. Zoe sits in a folding chair. He is gesticulating.. car -. EXT. Principal Claire next to him.INT.
.but this is just sick. And that's not all. No. Zoe shrugs. Shane scowls.yes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return... what do you expect.I'm a bit concerned.. 61. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. and Shane walks them out. and I'm not sure what to do.. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.That? Lady drivers. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. what's going on. Shane gives Zoe a look. but -.. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off... Todd enters. I was doing a little recon in his locker. But this. boys will be boys -.it's the boy. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. .) See if you can talk to the boy. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. it's not that -.. Todd and Zoe stand to go. Shane stops. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. Murney calls into the hallway. giving him a "skinhead" look.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. (pulls Shane aside. He does always miss sixth period. SHANE He's not a NAZI.
stretching. and leaps at Shane. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. and keeps walking. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. I'll show you a couple moves. Kung team: Shane walks away. Murney laughs. Without warning.that whole family's no good. SHANE Another time. MURNEY It's a date then. Shane trips forwards to his knees. SHANE I'll talk to him. huh? (Shane ignores him. we'll give these boys a treat. and leaves. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd.. 62. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. Shane.. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Shane walks the kids out.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. MURNEY You're a good man. if you ask me. kicking him in the BACK. as he passes. and Murney chases after him. maybe.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. I promise I won't hurt you. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.
INT. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. and leaves.. you're in charge. with a flowered basket. Keep all doors sealed. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Todd runs towards the house. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Shane hops out the window. running around the corner. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. I want to talk to you. preheat the oven. peering out her window. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in..CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door.far down the block. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. and snickers to his Team. Murney his head. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. keeping the contact. Shane looks out the window -. EXT. The window is wide open. He sees Zoe. Shane screws the window shut. Shane parks. It looks like Shane might fight. do your homework. he can see Todd. signal me. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Smart kid.shakes Shane turns back. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. He starts to shut the window. It's pink. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. On the corner. so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Wait Todd. but instead he takes a deep breath. It's small for him. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. He enters. but he . TODD'S ROOM . Nothing.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
. TODD . BEAT.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. weird or something? 66 ... grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. they quickly assemble on stage... TODD Doesn't matter now anyway..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. it's over. Todd looks devastated -. or not? Everyone nods..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. show's off.What if. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. Shane's glare.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. He smiles. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that... Shane shakes his head. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. SHANE COMPANY -. LIESL We don't have a director. Liesl chimes in.. Chicks dig guys who can dance. Todd looks up at Shane. girls'll think I'm. Shane straightens up. they're not sure what to do. Shane looks at the Cast.
.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I promise.. INT. YES WHAT? SHANE . I don't know why I let it get to me.. INT.. I called him in his room.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. I won't touch him. He hears Zoe in her room. ZOE . 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. Shane exits. furious.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. SHANE .. LULU'S ROOM .. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. BREAKING something. It's stupid.. No wait! . ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you.. He peeks in -. I know it's no big deal.Yes. PLUMMER HOUSE . He turns out the light.. SHANE Okay. Scott. angrily.LATER .just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. another girl picked up the phone.
the little Elf family -. So -they waited for cloud cover. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. As Shane finishes the story. Once there was a family of Elves. facility. setting up the scene with DOLLS. Stumped. (MORE) T S L 8. on Lulu's floor. Shane looks at her surprised... where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.. Let's see.. The elves had to go in and take it out.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. Went into the magic forest. he illustrates.Uh. I 6 . He sits on the bed. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive... Then he starts: SHANE Okay. To find a secret gnome. Uranium.. and they came in from the north... ULU Tell me a story.. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.
... TODD I'll write it down for you.mean standing. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. TODD You have to do the dance. I can't remember that thing. Lulu's fallen asleep. Peter WAILS.. Even. We got `em all. the teeniest little elf of all -. from across the hall.. Todd calls from the doorway. and whispers to Peter... Shane doesn't know what's wrong. head in the door. S 69. He made it up for him. and do the Panda Dance... SHANE Oh. Peter starts bawling..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. And you ain't got a chance. lower than the floor.... Shane sighs. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. Then... The wails get louder and LOUDER. NURSERY .Rodriquez.. INT. or he won't stop.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . c'mon. Like dad used to do.
staring. Chun. He does the dance as he sings. Shane turns and catches Mr. terrified. SHANE What are you looking at? INT.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan.. through the mirror. (Tyler in the snuggle). mortified.. Lulu is next to him.MORNING . Shane hops forward three times. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Shane. Shane crab-walks sideways. GARAGE . T the A 70. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. and gets in the driver's seat. They turn to Zoe. She gets out in shock. Peter applauds. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. SHANE Today you drive. He sings again. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. The Kids sit bolt upright. PLUMMER HOUSE . listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Chun gets his paper. (He does..) EXT. . just like the crabs do. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. with her Gameboy.Shane sighs.THE NEXT DAY As Mr.. Humiliated.
Zoe is surprised. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span.I can't even pass driver's Ed. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. I trust you.. Shane is nervous. INT. but trying not to show it.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Lulu and Todd are terrified.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.ZOE But -.. S P . Keep going.. The Kids share a dubious look. jerkily. not the road. no. Touched. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Shane is shaky. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. MINIVAN . Zoe backs jerkily out.. She pulls out. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Exactly. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car..
Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. hey head into the school. Shane spots something. Claire strides into view. Next lesson. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. trembling. Suddenly -. Shane's . INT. severe stare) Now. Broken promises lead to broken legs.71. with a few FRIENDS.. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. and a little make-up. EXT. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. KIDS boisterously run past. Zoe smiles. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. CAFETERIA . laughing. WALK! DOUBLE TIME.. Very funny. ZOE Ha ha ha.Claire BARKS out. Scott's terrified. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane jumps out of the car. terrified. Before Scott knows what's happened. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Shane lets him down and heads into school. 1500 hours. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane unclenches his teeth. SHANE Good. being obnoxious. She's wearing a cute dress. Chastened. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him.. the kids gulp and orderly march away.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap.
too.. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.eyes alight. Principal Claire sighs "not again.." In one move. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Shane leaps over the table. Wow. S he sits beside him. She's waiting for him to say. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. dragging .. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . S T P .. She smiles. and offers him a milk. He smiles back.. something.. Shane`s not so good at small talk. impressed. him by the ear. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. SHANE hey eat in silence. Love it when he does that. you never know who you're going to run into. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. It's a miracle. sailor? Thanks. Suddenly.
Yeah I do. Murney gets up in Shane's face.Murney shoves Todd forward. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. . I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Todd looks.. Murney turns around. No one's sure they heard him right. boy. Talk. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume... I. now it all makes sense. Silence. Murney. Then: TODD I am not scared. I want to sing. MURNEY I've had it. MURNEY Winners never quit. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. TODD Hey. What're you so scared of. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. I'm right here. intimidated. Freak? The Students snicker.. I quit.. M 73. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. It opens Friday.. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.
You suck.me. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.Shane steps them.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. TODD There is a man in my house -. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Murney did not expect to be called out. The whole team wants to quit. taking flyers. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Let's do it. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. You win. humiliated. protecting him. His voice cracks -. He storms out. M urney looks over at the Team. There is a stunned moment -. So calm. Everyone is watching.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. swarm Todd. They look to the ground sheepishly. Murney looks around. furious -URNEY So -. it's scary S 74.and then a mob of Students. Your ass is mine. The Gym. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. Todd's telling the truth.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house.it reads: . I'm the only one with the guts to do it. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.face to face.
BAM. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. quietly twitching on the ground. GYM . Shane DIVES OVER Murney. rushes Shane. mumbling something."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Murney. and they head out. grabs onto Murney's waist. M URNEY on. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney lands on his back. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Todd flops to the mat. hard. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. 3:00. and sweeps Murney -. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney bounds to his feet. Todd cheers Shane on.sending him right into the wall. The Wrestlers scream for Murney.3:00 mat. S 75. The bleachers are PACKED. WHAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. shocked." INT. Shane side-steps. climbs to feet and CHARGES again.
Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. fascinated. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. LULU We're Brownies. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. TODD That was awesome. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. They walk out. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. that's all. If you're not sure. Claire. The crowd cheers. When I Rwanda. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. BUGS. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. too. FOREST .DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. TO: EXT.Dislocated nerve. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. I got my troops waiting. . 76 SHANE either. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. No brownies edible. Todd.
It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. He signals her. NURSERY . KICK.. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.. EXT. in between punches. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane holds a stopwatch. he reaches out and rocks it.we'll put Von Trapps here. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. Zoe .DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. EXT. in perfect tempo.. here at the top of the stairs. here. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. and.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.she hits EVERY ONE -. OLD FACTORY . Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. MALL PARKING LOT .He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. PUNCH. In unison.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty..FRONT LAWN . the Girls PUNCH.fascinated. she burns rubber. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. PUNCH. KICK. He laughs at his own joke. MALL PARKING LOT . BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. The Duck watches all this -.. He illustrates the stage directions. The Kids don't get it." INT. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. INT..
Hands a T . INT.out and weaves the cones.2. He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. PLUMMER HOUSE . NURSERY .FRONT LAWN . OLD FACTORY . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. she only clips one. is an empty page/that men will want to write on. but doesn't fall. EXT.. Shane gives her a signal. They watch closely.. T I E 77.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. it teeters. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. ODD . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. blur.DAY -"1.. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself." Lulu.BACK YARD . EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . EXT. The Brownies attack. in we WIDEN back.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. INT... PLUMMER HOUSE .3.. your life little girl.. mercilessly.
Peter. now and then. THUD! Gazelle. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. He does a spin kick. odd tries the spinning kick. NURSERY . Peter. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. He kisses Peter on the forehead. daddy. But sweet dreams. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.hard. INT. adding a James Brown flourish.he's got it down. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. Peter Panda.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. Again. Todd tries the kick. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. SHANE I'm not your daddy. Graceful. but blows it. he almost bursts into tears. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.huh? Now. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Graceful." Singing and doing all the moves -. Then he tucks Peter in. Shane is so touched.EVENING . MONTAGE ENDS EXT. 8. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.
The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. tying him.MOMMY! She lets him go -. scary.he sees. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. she wraps it around his arm. Across the lot. at their own table. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. The Scout struggles. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. INT. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. In one move.. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. but like lightning. striking a cool pose.they LAUGH. he lands on the ground hard. see them. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. the Chubby Cub Scouts. 9. S SHANE That's my troop.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. The Scouts share a look -.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. As he's comparing prices -. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. FORMATION. The . "PRICE CLUB" STORE .in a FLIP. the Other Scouts are scared. wearing the double snuggle. He smiles. proud. You're gonna have to pay for that.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. HOTEL . A tear runs down Zoe's face. INT. the kids are all abuzz. happy. Shane answers it.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. talking excitedly. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. EXT. She throws her arms around Shane. OE I never even got to say good bye. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. BACK YARD . The phone rings.SHANE He's left alone. JULIE The red tape is cleared up.soldier. we're on the first plane in the morning. J 82.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . WITH: J INT. HALLWAY . ANGLE .
SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Gary sits in the next chair.The house is dark.NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE Just another assignment. hane rises. the Duck starts quacking. unblinking. Shane turns. Kids to play S .. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83.. he Duck stares. GARAGE . Three squares a day. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. No reason for personal attachments. Suddenly. your wings aren't clipped. INT. He pets the Duck. with. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Shane sighs morosely.
INTERC UT: B harder. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. he floor opens. The break in its surface is a strange.... TO: to S 84. The Kids are watching his progress. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . only It's solid and inscrutable. He's been trying. unsuccessfully. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. Nothing. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door.. Shane looks on stunned.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. crack the lock all night. Shane steps down it. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. He tries muscles rippling. Shane dials a phone. leading below the garage. GARAGE . DISSOLVE INT.. shines it down the grate.. The wheel spins. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. and then it gives. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Lulu hands him a tool. we see a CRANK WHEEL. No hinges or cracks. . INT..SHANE What happened.
. can't crack it..CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Except for -.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. relieved. BILL .. TO: INT. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. SEDAN . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Through a window. After we turn this in to my CO. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. towards the neighbor's house. Bill reacts. Bill's cell phone rings. he answers it. Julie sits beside him. Silently spying on Shane. Everyone reacts happily. pleased. GARAGE . Okay. I've been trying all night. excited. CHUN CUT BACK . TO: INT. An ominous pause.EXT. don't do anything further. Away from Shane. GARAGE . GHOST. W e PUSH INTO the house. MRS.. We'll be there shortly -. She looks stricken.. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Do you have it? SHANE No.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. It's in a steel vault.. sir. I think I found GHOST. and hangs up.Lulu. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.don't do anything `til I get there.
comes into the dark hall.they hear. HOUSE .MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Tongue-tied.. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. so they probably trashed the place. he has no answer. She trails off.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.. The fish tank is clear. in shock. in the next room.O.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. KIDS VOICES . should be home soon. INT. Kids singing a beautiful.. Julie and Bill hop out. I 85.V.: The house is spotless. SHANE You guys better get ready. Lulu? You should be happy. The rug is vacuumed. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.. Shane -. Bill is carrying her suitcases. JULIE'S HOUSE .SHANE He goes silent.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. LULU But. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). J JULIE'S P. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.
KITCHEN . INT.... Across the room.. then salutes back) Good job. mom. Peter is fresh faced. DINING ROOM . Julie starts bawling. Zoe is in a conservative dress. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops... Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. 8 JULIE almost faints. featuring Todd. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. ZOE Welcome home. picture- . Lulu has bows in her hair. ( B 6. Lieutenant. no dishes in the sink. INT.. Dumb-struck. with songs they have sung.. a capella) . Shane sees Bill enter. Julie goes to the.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. smiling.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. BILL (he smiles wryly. S SHANE Captain. She staggers to.(singing. for a thousand years. She sees. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Bill steadies her.
Suddenly. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. You just name it. Bill holds the pronged key. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. And I think I want to explore that some more. surprised. Shane. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . anywhere you want. an ANGRY VOICE..DAY Shane leads Bill inside... Bill stops. S S 87. all I've never known is the military. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. BILL I should hope not.INT. reluctant. SHANE That's kind of you. Shane continues. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. ILL I'm really proud of you. Don't get me wrong. GARAGE . pause) But I'll have to think about it. Sir.
Mr. Things are spinning. startled. Chun.. He takes a submissive position.. Disoriented.when suddenly.Shane and Bill spin. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. B 88.. then passes out... He is losing consciousness. while SLAMMING their heads together... SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. GUNS DRAWN. and starts to fall. reaching for Bill's key. MRS. CLOSE-UP . There were delays. He turns.. startled. confused... he looks up as he drops. and Mrs. Shane shoots Bill a glance. Chun comes closer. SHANE'S POV woozy.SHANE Lights out. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Mrs. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. hane takes control! He smiles. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr.. relishing a second of glory -. Shane peers in confusion. .. Shane puts his hands behind his head.
INT. (to Mr. INT. reaching.with me. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.. tied up. Chun approach the steel door.. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. and it CLICKS. Chun) Keep an eye on them. The floor is covered with square tiles. Chun) secures the room. scared. with two .. exit.. livid. GARAGE . Beside the safe is a red switch. Charles trusted you. The Korean Man (Mr. Bill and Mrs. Inside is a dark corridor.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Chun Bill GAGS Julie.. Peter has a JUICE BOX. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.. NURSERY . 9. closing the window shades. Bill checks the knots binding the children. bright and white. Julie glares. Bill and Mrs.BLACK. JULIE I trusted you. They THE VAULT! Spare. They anxiously tiptoe. They whimper. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. You -. He GAGS the kids. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. then slides OPEN! enter. FADE IN: INT. 8 Bill grins.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. ILL North Korea pays better. The Kids are furious. So did the Department of Defense. The door HUMS.
Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. completely SINGED OFF.. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Chun is Bokay. but the of her jacket is on fire.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.SAME TIME Mr. done.. HOUSE . she unties Zoe! Then -. But behind her back. Lulu "looks" scared. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Bill eyes the safe. INT. It's set on ARMED. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time.. MRS..S. the Chun spins. CHUN Just. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. eyeballing them icily. off shoulder eyebrows.. CHUN But I've got some C4. MRS.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls.needing a distraction. startled -. MR.. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. as if she hadn't moved.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. horrified -. she hits her panic button! O. He sneers. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. BEEPING. Mr. Mrs. then Mr. The air is filled with an ominous. Chun whirls -. had eyebrows.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. like a monstrous computer. With a rapid blur of finger-work. low-pitched HUM. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Chun guards the kids..the Kids look innocent. then leans back against Zoe. Lulu frowns. Mr. Tyler GASPS. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.
It HURTS. Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. he steps closer. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Chun's face.W Z 90. Mr. HAM without warning. They untie Julie. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. when he's at her level. Chun scowls. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. slamming the door behind her. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun laughs: MR. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr.. Mr.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. CHUN That's cute.. . BEHIND TODD . Skeptical. Lulu runs.. she KICKS him right in the nuts. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. then.. snake-like move. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun's leg. Chun looks at Lulu. Chun's head. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Mr.
CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.CONTINUOUS Mr. She SCREAMS. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Bill lurches into view. He sticks his face out the hole.CONTINUOUS Mr.. NURSERY . Chun's face. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. INT. clutching her! The . FRONT DOOR . they're trapped inside.but as Julie exits. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . I INT. He yells out furious! MR. Chun falls back from the door. INT.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. making a small hole. INT. M E M 91.doorknob...Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT.. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. Chun punches the door..CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. DONNGGG -. NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. but the door won't budge. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF.. his face COATED in white.
. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.. HOUSE .CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.. MR. they're not going anywhere. Chun THE RADIO. unsure. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. speaking in Korean: RS. . HOUSE . They start to run back. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. MINIVAN . Chun listens to Mr. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.CONTINUOUS r.. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. EXT.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun comes racing around the house -. CHUN Chun falls. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Mrs.kids are horrified. She floors it.I've got the keys. ARGHH! driveway. then nod and run to the side garage. INT.
Charles didn't tell me about the room. chilled. Julie GASPS. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. Then.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. INT. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. INT. B . What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. They step past Shane's body.. a CRACKLING of static. It's getting old. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. gaining on them. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. leading her to the secret door. lying on the concrete. VAN . holding a military RADIO. Don't make me kill you too.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Chun exits the vault. GARAGE . oe runs a yellow.. Mrs.
The men stare down. MINIVAN . NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. Bring them back unharmed.SHANE They look over -. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. MRS. Bill uncuffs Shane. ZOE .Shane is standing in the doorway.93.. everyone looks down. don't hurt the kids. He does something we can't see. It's like a chariot race. ANGLE . my husband has question: MR. Chun zooming by.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Surprised. It's B risky. ILL . ill eyes him. Bill deciding if he can trust him. EXT.) Bill..DAY The vehicles race. as Zoe drives. SHANE (O. half on the sidewalk. emotional. BILL Change of plan.. they might wreck. BUSY STREET .. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. Then -. I'll get you in. to cut them off! INT. Do it.he clicks "talk" on the radio. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code.S. Bill. just please don't hurt anyone. He tries to pass them on the right.. CHUN Mr.
. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. SECRET VAULT .. Shane is figuring his options. INT.. She Mr. triumphant. Hair spray. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Exasperated. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Chun SCREAMS.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. It throws Mr. Chun ROLLS UP his window.What's taking you? 94. Bill waits impatiently. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun with debris: milk cartons. In the van. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. and loses control. Mrs. Chun off for a beat.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. orange peels.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. disoriented. . CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Mr. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Mr. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry.. crayons. Chun holds Julie. Zoe looks over. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Mr.. Peter laughs. M R.
landing on his hands and knees.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Tyler! Bill reacts. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. over one beam and ducking under another -. Sweat drips down Shane's face. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. in pain. ill cocks his gun. Bill laughs. Shane leaps back. go get it -. sending him flying backwards. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. confidently: J B B 95 . puzzled. Peter.A bewildered beat -. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. . Shane steps forward . He speaks aloud. Shane steps forward.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. BILL Code or no code. Shane gets up.. Lulu. Watch. Todd..now.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Shane SQUIRTS it.
When you're down and low. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. Shane LAUGHS sharply. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Shane feels the Groove in the floor..NOTHING HAPPENS.. Julie relieved. not quite centered to the room. Again -. And you haven't got a chance. across two tiles. He takes a deep breath. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance.. CLOSE-UP . NOTHING HAPPENS. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.. Calmness comes to Shane's face. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. . Something she said. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. Bill and Julie share a look -. Shane he steps forwards.SHANE Shane's thinks. just like the crabs do. He thinks. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . then back: smiles. lower than the floor. and do the Peter Panda Dance. E 96 . He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. fearlessly. He feels the Groove.they have no idea what he's laughing about. He steps sideway.
not the brake. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. his focus gone. from the ceiling. 9 7. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. The Squad Car's lights flash on. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. BUSY INTERSECTION . EXT. and our bodyguard -. ZOE Come on. 5-0. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. Don't follow me! .SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back.it takes a while. When he steps back -. They have my mom.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. and he catches up with the minivan -. Zoe blows past it.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. they're FLYING.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Use the gas.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. If he'd been standing. he'd be toast.
CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. The Squad Car is on its tail.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.. Following the chase. Zoe U-turns. She shakes her head. Suddenly. Claire frowns.. nervously. Squad Car turns around and chases her. sliding forward. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. I accept full responsibility.. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. but if I had more resources. at a safe distance. EXT. is Mr. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. INT. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. EXT. SCHOOL . like there ain't no floor. NECK-BRACE. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.. PLUMMER BASEMENT . .SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. It's acid. pool of liquid. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. My intelligence proved to be faulty. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. and speeds back towards her house. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. in a cloud of smoke. the Minivan SPEEDS by. Then better jump quick.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. concerned. 98. SUBURBAN STREET . almost running it off road.
Bill shrugs. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Whew.and walks across the room. What do you say -. 99.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. sir. BILL (CONT'D) You know. pulling Julie along. to the left of the HOLE. He lands in front of THE SAFE.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. All that we stand for. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Bill signals for Mrs. Shane. BILL Thank you." . You were always my best man. almost done. It's a stand-off. Mrs. and jump to the left. The whole room goes SILENT. and jumps back. Finally. disgusted. He's relieved -. Bill looks around. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. to calm down) Almost done. He flips the switch to DISARMED. He holds his breath just in time. Bill takes a breath -. "Just hold your breath. Immediately. Chun follows.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself.he waves his hand over the floor.. The safe's red light turns green. if you're willing to join up. And you betrayed all of that. She gestures back: you go. Shane scowls. I knew you'd figure it out. He nervously steps forward . Beat. Chun to go first. Nothing happens. BILL I'll take that as a "no." He jumps. The Booby Traps are disarmed..
Chun LEAPS onto his back. Something's not right. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. I walked the floor first. She turns it. Full of himself. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. and touches the dial. . SIZZLING. Nothing happens. You open it. MRS. head.Bill turns to the safe. Chun reaches out.. then PUNCHES him in the gut. hitting Bill's arms. then catches himself. I think you better open it. BILL (CONT'D) . shaking from the voltage. SHANE There will be no mercy. legs! He's crazed. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Bill LUNGES. Shane reaches for the safe. Chun doesn't budge. Mrs. unrelenting. Reluctantly . He starts to reach for the dial. trying to read Shane's poker face. her hair on end.... Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. But suddenly Mrs. Relief. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. but Shane gazes coldly. Bill is incensed. Shane shrugs. Chun. Bill is off guard. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on.. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. BILL None requested. Bill gestures to Mrs..Mrs. And he's strong! shoves Shane back.
PLUMMER'S STREET . Shane tumbles. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. She smiles. connecting only occasionally. OOF! Bill tumbles.. Say. He jumps to his feet. saved. K. everyone is SCREAMING. good night. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.. knocking her out. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.O. landing on his back in front of the safe. Leering mercilessly. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. he drops and FLIPS her. Suddenly. They punch. Bill is charging him. terrible neighbor.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. unable to gain her balance. SIRENS wailing. chase after. tottering. stumbles backwards across the room. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.. It's clear the both have the same training. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. The Police Cars . SHANE You're a.they tangle like pro's..BILL He steps over Shane. SHANE . then runs to grab her outstretched hand. But he's unforgiving. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. the wind knocked out of him. IN THE VAN. delivering a series of hard punches. Shane COLD-COCKS her. kick. spin. Shane narrows his eyes. which Shane deflects -. ANGLE . then whispers/sings.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane struggles to lose her. She catapults. Shane shakes his head.! EXT. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters.
HOUSE . with their hands raised.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. then BRAKES..and hits a tree. Shane steps out. The kids clamber from the van. They look in silence. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. then look in the safe: Inside.. from the car. grateful. JULIE Thank you Shane. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. It's finally over. She smiles at Shane. Then -.101. INT..O. smoke BURNING from the tires -.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. Now we can go back to our peaceful. SECRET VAULT .SAME TIME Total commotion. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. SHANE . GHOST. But it's too late. Cops surround them. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. The garage door raises. Shane gently removes it. The van SKIDS. The Kid spill out and run. Whoa.
CUTE COP FREEZE. 10 2. officer. He scoffs.a CRAZED SCREAM.. He's disheveled and manic. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Numerous.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Even Chun is amazed. as he turns his head. I suggest you call the FBI. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Julie and Shane Freeze. Chun stands inside the gate. MR. Cops cover Shane and Julie.. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. Now. Mr. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. But then -.. The Cops are unsure what to do. triumphant.S. ZOE But. uh.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Zoe. Nobody is sure what to do. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. vaults onto Chun. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. and grabs the MR. helpless.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CHUN (O. Shane spins. Silence. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. Shane weighs his not so many options. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. you're in a lot of trouble..
he .I.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. F. that was nice work. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. AGENT Mr. SHANE Just doing my job. Agent. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. watching the FBI Agents work.B.LATER F. reaches for his radio.rocket launcher. PLUMMER HOUSE .B.. Julie huddles with the kids. GARAGE . AGENTS swarm the area. Shane examines it.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. Shane talks with an F. CLOSE-UP . then walks off. F .CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.I. swelling with pride. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.B. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men..B. 103. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD.I. COP I think I'll call the FBI.I.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. CLOSE-UP . Wolfe. INT. This chaos is unsolvable. ANGLE . You're a one-man battalion.
CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. from the safe.. I always have. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . a letter. I'm on dry land. EXT. SHANE . then Julie found the key. And to tell the truth. Julie...Maui? . I'm kinda. re-conning the situation. SHANE Well... Todd. Lulu -. here. A tear comes to her eye. Her siblings. She sees. Shane looks at her.. and gather around. 104. Tyler.Yes.. Mock-angry. He looks at Claire. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. and Julie notice. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. fallen onto the floor.I want to say: I love you more than anything. say -.. Does it itch? Yes. Peter.. On. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Summer's almost here. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Zoe. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He looks around: at the family. You tell me. You're the superior office.. The Plummers hug each other. I don't know.
He wipes his face. Your work here is through.. A long beat. He squeezes her hand around it. Shane bawls -. baffled. interrupting. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. He starts to head off. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Shane.. Like he did. P ETER Love you..that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. TIGHT .his medal.he hugs the whole family at once. Zoe gives them a look -. Julie looks up. sad.Sir yes sir. SHANE Ah. He puts them down. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . to shake his. The Plummers all approach. For everything. 105. Guess you have to go now. She puts out her hand. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.. squeezing them off the ground. ZOE But.SHANE This is too much. come here you. I'm gonna .he can't keep it in. Lulu turns to Shane. LULU This is it. SHANE Claire beams. Thank you.
Shane watches with bated breath. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. the little Brownie Troop. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. The performers take their curtain ." Hearts swell. She is surrounded by her children." In the audience. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. It's fantastic -. They all watch. Claire: dressed to the nines. BACKSTAGE . beaming with pride. Todd spins. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Shane stands. You Are Sixteen begins. hit your marks. Farewell.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06.a Michael Jordan dunk. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Julie watches in astonishment. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. VICTORIA THEATRE. his hair combed. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Scott: in a suit. rapt. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. In SLOW MOTION. even Murney. until he sits back down. A STANDING OVATION.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for.
A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. Mission accomplished. FADE OUT. touched. He humbly steps into view -. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.-The. Shane smiles.and the house goes crazy.imsdb.com/scripts/Pacifier. Thundering applause. THE END http://www.calls.html on December 9 2010 .
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