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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
over his head.. ON THE DECK .to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. but can't get free. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. He's gone. Up to his nose..) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Plummer screams. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. My way -. PLUMMER How did you know where I. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. EXT.. him his oxygen. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. SHIP'S HOLD .. As the water rises. United States Navy. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. . terrified. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.SIMULTANEOUS 4. I'm gonna get you outta here. INT. they're almost out of ammo. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. But you have to do exactly what I say. Shane removes his mouth piece.. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. When it finally opens. He cuts the Professor's GAG. when I say it.no highway option. hauling the Professor up. to the roof. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. One of our SEALS calls out to them. He tries force the door open.
and pulls himself.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. INT. clearly he loves this kind of day. INT.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. HELICOPTER . the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. OCEAN'S SURFACE . Shane takes a deep breath. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. more!" They do. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN..MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. 5. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.. terrified. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. Hold on. HELICOPTER . EXT. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. holding the Professor.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. He .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. pulling the Professor in behind him. SHANE INT.
PLUMMER Oh my God. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. She thinks I'm dead.beside him. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. I can't believe you. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. CHARLES Lieutenant. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Not imperative to the mission. We have to keep moving. . the Professor looks terrified. waits... SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. EXT.. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .. CHARLES I'm safe. how'd we. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter.. shutting him up. Please. Charles stops Shane. I'm just not big on chit chat. That was the most incredible. Lieutenant. rotors whirling slowly. thank you.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.
Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. Designed it myself. SHANE We're almost ready. Charles dials. I have a picture of my kids in here. WHAM. knocked unconscious. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.. puzzled. DEAD. that's my specialty. then hands him his satellite phone. I'm alive. Shane looks at him.. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. you want to see it? Negative. Charles dials his cell phone.. PAVE HAWK . All goes . Shane considers.Charles picks up his briefcase. Tyler. Peter. I do security. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.. INT. The briefcase pops open. Todd. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.couldn't crack it. Shane drops.. and talks... Lulu. PILOT sits.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. It's voice activated. back to him. RUN!!! black...
DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. HOSPITAL . PAVE HAWK .O. And a good friend. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. SHANE'S P. I know sir.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. but he does it anyway. His arm and face bandaged. despondent. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. EXT. as the chopper ignites. He takes a long look at Shane. unassuming.friendly.. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? .7. Everything is ablaze. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.: Everything is a blur. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. There is huge explosion. barely conscious. He holds a REPORT in his hand. You're the best man I ever trained.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. He looks around. A Huey Helicopter lands. Bill sits down beside the bed. sir. HOSPITAL .. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -.it hurts to salute. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. Shane reaches out. Captain. in slow-motion.V. He sees Charles. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. unconscious. and takes Charles' Briefcase. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. SHANE .
SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.S. BILL Not a surprise. disconnects an IV. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.O. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.H.H. Shane sits up. Bill shakes his head. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.. . I'm gonna need the mini sub. I. BILL . disappointed. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. SHANE The case was empty sir. he pulls off bandages.O.S. is still out there.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter... He can't believe his good fortune. Invigorated. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. 8. as I stated in my report. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. Then. SHANE Sir.a genius.. He pulls up a chair.T. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. It's not that kind of mission. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. Bill considers this.SHANE He had to call his family... Thank you. really. G. appreciate your confidence.. He called it G. and sits opposite Shane.T.. and starts to rise.
Shane listens. call Lt... I need someone to stay at that house. I'm alive.T.S. (MORE) 9. Shane is surprised.. It's just that. BILL .NIGHT . Either way. BILL The professor's wife requested you. Maybe it is..) Honey. is in that house. I've never been very good with kids. top to bottom. CHARLES (O.H. Whoever killed the professor must think G. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Widow. I should go. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. I got a call from the professor's wife. hearing the dead man's voice. Searched the place. presses play. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.. The family's scared... Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. I'll call you in an hour.. He's a good man. Shane is shocked. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. sir. Not even when I was a kid sir. maybe it isn't. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. anyway. sir.if anything happens to me.. Shane Wolfe.S. I love you. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. intrigued. and protect them. CUT TO: INT. SHANE'S APARTMENT . And while you're there -find out if the program is in there..O. She told me someone had broken into her home.
It SQUEAKS. Shane looks like a bad ass. EMALE VOICE (o..: Julie's unkempt suburban house.. 8. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Shane double-checks the address. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.. Lulu eyes Shane. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. also identical to the one he wears.and sees LULU. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. camouflage vest. machete. EXT.then the door swings open. they all go in.Shane packs his duffel bag. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. . He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. peering up at him. Shane frowns. night vision goggles. He reaches in. Shane looks down -. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. identical to the one he wears. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Shane eyes Lulu. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). we're not interested. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. and pulls out a small. ready for anything. Shane's P.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. 10. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. He rejects it.O. Hm. The sprinklers go off. SUBURBAN STREET .V.. He looks at for a moment. Shane heads to the door.s. with toys all over the lawn.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
) There's a catch.s. through the kitchen window. The phone RINGS inside. INT. Through the window.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. it's Bill Fawcett. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. listening to the conversation. We slowly pull out.Nighttime -... PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER .NIGHT Shane. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. LIVING ROOM . I think it could contain GHOST. Shane. Julie and Shane share a look. Helga will .MORNING stand hug Julie. with her suitcase.. 14.the family eats dinner. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. entersJULIE I'll be there. Swiss law says only his family can access it. I have some potentially good news.) Julie.s. JULIE That's wonderful. INT. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. Julie casually answers it.. BILL (o. This could all be over! BILL (o.s.
I love you guys.. And on the phone. do it. I'm gonna miss you. it's my job to worry.handle everything. No. Helga will take care of everything else. ZOE Mom -. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.we'll be fine.. chill. are you licensed to kill? . all the emergency numbers are on the fridge... HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. H S . I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. And guys.. They'll be safe with me. Mrs. I'll be back in 48 hours. Plummer.. I am a mom. And on the back door. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway.. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. it's just.. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency.. . HELGA Everything will be fine. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. SHANE Don't worry.
.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Gary suddenly FLIES by . SHANE (CONT'D) . A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. Immediately.... Shane heads down the hall.. INT. can't find him.. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. looks around for the CRYING BABY.5. I make bottle. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. Shane turns off the light. He shuts off the - .s. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. elga stomps out.. on a short ladder. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL.. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . when in the corner of his eye -. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.WHRRP! Shane ducks. pouring in Cheerios. You do something. INT.NIGHT Shane. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.NIGHT hane rushes in -.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Shane shakes his head. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.
SHANE Not with this kid. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.window alarm and sneaks out silently. calling out from across the street. EXT.. ZOE He's my boyfriend. S COTT .CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys... Shane LIFTING him in the air. come on Scott. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. Shane runs. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Zoe! . (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. .. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. runs off. house like a marionette. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. 16. I'll call you. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. jumps onto the trampoline. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.go back inside. fine. He's dazed.. ZOE Okay. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. tool. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Zoe -. They both tumble to the ground.. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.BACK YARD .
we own a bakery.. CHUN . They're arguing with each other in Korean. MR. THE CHUNS. Look. Sorry. huh baby-sitter? Mr. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. so we're up kind of early. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Shane stands there.. We had an intruder. CHUN (perfect English. Kojak.. Oh. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. and we found this in our pool filter. Oh. SHANE My apologies. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.. The Alarm's still blaring. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. pop their heads out. Shane's about to head inside. Shane addresses them. fuming.Zoe storms inside. SHANE MRS.. A simple misunderstanding..NIGHT . Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. MR. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. no accent) We speak English. The alarm stops. PLUMMER HOUSE . I INT.
SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. S W 1 8. Zoe falls backwards into the room. to not fall over. Bite me! Shane frowns. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.) sing). And you feel like you ain't got a chance. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.s. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. She has to hop on one foot. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). continues down the hall. lower than the floor. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. Shane shuts her door. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Shane flips her foot in the air. SHANE Not anymore. You should have told her the truth. . Shane marches back down the hall. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. ZOE Who do you think you are -.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Loud.
HOUSE . INT. She does. just like the crabs do. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.laugh and laugh. In the bedrooms. Then jumps up. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. warm orange light. Three steps forward. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. and do the Peter Panda Dance. then "crab-walks" sideways.groove. PLUMMER HOUSE . to their beds. EXT. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. Shane shakes his head. Peter in his bed. T Z Z T 19. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. in bed -. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. The Children. . he wriggles on the floor. one step back.
oe is wrapped in blankets. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. S . Suddenly his door flies open -. 20 . HALLWAY .. Covering their ears.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. TODD'S ROOM .m.MORNING Todd sits up. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. Helga runs through in hair curlers. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. carrying the crying baby. ODD It's Sunday. Todd blinks groggily. Move. not understanding what's happening. disoriented. L Move. You're insane. INT. half-asleep and angry.odd is out cold. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Not in front of the kids. like she's been electrocuted.. motionless.
L 21. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. LULU ("copying" him) I said -.) Shane's jaw drops.. KITCHEN . At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. ladies. in Romanian. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. shocked. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. No highway option.he gives him a look of disbelief. sucking on a bottle.LATER The children are assembled. lined up tallest to shortest. INT. . HELGA (She curses Again.do you... I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. Your behavior is unacceptable. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.do you.
The panic button is only for emergencies. So you are -. Shane tries to maintain decorum. Shane bangs hard on it. I tell you what to do -. Everyone cracks up. but it's locked. SHANE Tracking devices. End of chain. ZOE I am not wearing that. Never take them off. He yells at her.. Red Leader. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. wait.a tense silence. S ULU (CONT'D) .SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Everyone stares blankly -. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names..(pointing) Red 1. Angry. Now that I know I can't trust you.you better be dying. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. Touch that -. ZOE He's in his room. P eter farted.and you do it. Red 2. where's the older male? There were five. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. Shane bounds up the stairs.. or you're dead. he's furious. Red baby. INT. He tries the knob. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula.
Down the hall -. Oops.a FLUSH. hits Shane on the head. and head down the hall. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. and Todd comes sauntering back.. Todd nods in agreement. to her room.they glare at Shane.MORNING . Zoe comes up the stairs.22. the destroyed door and wall. He sees Shane. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. The entire frame collapses. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. HALLWAY .. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. He has to go. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.. PLUMMER HOUSE . TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. patrolling. INT. then CRASHES inward.LATER ZOE . INT. She stops at Todd's door -. If you'd been wearing it.. A piece of the ceiling falls.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Shane steps aside. this wouldn't have happened. INT. I can fix this.
Really? His eyes light up. LULU This house is haunted. just as -. hey. Daddy even said so. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. L S 23. Lulu hides behind Shane. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.the rumble of a car approaching. His head shifts. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. He pretends to be a ghost. clicks his alarm remote opens it. He said there's a ghost. to see that Peter is chasing her.LATER . And then it hits Shane. Shane turns. wearing a towel as a sheet.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.WHACK -. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. PAPERBOY (O. he hears something suspicious -. INT. HALLWAY . Peter! screams. He rushes for the front door. hard. Peter Booos again.S. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. I don't know. Lulu SHANE Hey.
. Nothing.ZOE AND TODD . He goes back to the living room.. MR.. He RAPS again. Shane scans it. pushing. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. She screams. When he hears an alert from his laptop. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. feeling. STAIRWAY .SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. inally.. carrying a huge laundry basket. T IGHT . They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs..a creak. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. ZOE Here he comes. BANGING her head and ass on each step.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. I INT. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Searching. listening for hollow spaces. appears. as laundry flutters down from above. then turns his attention to his laptop. F .Shane walks slowly down the hall. scanning the ceiling. Zoe whispers. all the way down. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.. Then -.
He licks his finger again. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. Bill can't stand it anymore. He seems to be about 100 years old. SWISS BANK . . BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd.DAY Bill and Julie. looking jet-lagged.DAY Establishing. this is an urgent matter. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. The Banker looks at him blankly. but can't get the page to turn. It's taking him a LONG time. Then looks back to the paperwork.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He feebly gets up. They wait patiently -. Not in Switzerland. He jumps to his feet. INT. ZOE Uh-oh. we're going to have to file a complaint. EXT. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. If we can't get some faster service. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. SWISS BANK .They gulp. mouthing along in FRENCH. BANKER Marcel! out. 25. terrified. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. then licks his finger to turn the page. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. I can't.
MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. But I can tell you -.SAME TIME Helga. PLUMMER HOUSE .you will have access to the box tout-suite. The duck flies around.Another Banker. SHANE (CONT'D) . JULIE Thank you. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. Shane dives. remain calm -- 26. As soon as your background checks clear. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. He grabs her suitcase. Shane picks up the receiver. Peter's in the aquarium. Oui. heads to the door -. MARCEL. and Helga dashes for the door. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. QUACKING. Suddenly. RING! Amid the chaos. He DRAGS her back. enters. I QUIT. the chief does not speak English. suitcases in hand. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. grabbing her foot.Shane tries to block her path. The suitcase handle breaks off. HELGA I am calm. As she tries to wrestle it away. Shane moves for the phone. How long is that? INT.
Shane lets go.. CRUNCH. that landed on a diaper. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. 27. Duty.. Mrs. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Plummer. Helga scampers out the door. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. He picks up his hand. Just doing my. Shane body-checks it closed. Plummer.. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. HOUSE . the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. Shane hangs up the phone.. (covering the phone.Helga falls forwards. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Helga struggles to get him off. EXT. Mrs.Ah. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. against the counter. and Shane falls back.
SHANE Okay.SHANE Rises. Helga glares back.. The 28. . ANGLE . Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. dumbfounded. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. In the meantime. in the rear window.Helga jumps in the cab.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away.. if she loves you. Then -. she'll come back. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. HOUSE . LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. There's been a change of plans.. INT.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. defeated. He drops his head. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. we're just gonna have some more big fun.he slowly glances up. ANGLE . baby cries. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. takes a deep breath and strides inside.. to find the kids are all gloomy. listen up.
nice moment. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Using the tools as chopsticks.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. I'm Navy. holding his nose. everyone bolts from the room. Only then can we rise to the challenge. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. HEY! Even Peter runs. And then -. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. SHANE Whoa. holding out the Baby at full arm's length.it flops open..FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. Pure self-preservation. Nobody will help.. inundated. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. repelled. . BATHROOM . Until -. CLOSE-UP . All for one. your enthusiasm. takes a deep breath. SShane GROANS. 29. INT.SHANE He gulps. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army.
Lulu is in her pj's.SHANE The things I do for my country. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. she just stares at him. . HALLWAY . A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. I think you're cute. SHANE (unsure how to respond.) Thank you. Lulu follows at his heels.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. he looks down to see Lulu. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU Hi. over and over and over. Aghast.. 30. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. like a puppy. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. he looks around for a solution. She follows. then FLUSHES.. Shane tries approaching -. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. INT. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.he can't do it. Lulu doesn't go away. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.
little girl. Todd. pulling down the shades on every window. and patrols. in beddibye land. Lulu looks at him.it's time for you take a nappypoo. I can get lots more of those. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.Shane walks room to room. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. . proud of his accomplishment.BREAKFAST . INT. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. And I've survived off this stuff for months. all the kids asleep. 31. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Shane smiles. The kids sit down at their designated spots.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them." dubious. All the lights are out. KITCHEN . and shuts off her light. like he's an idiot. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. The Kids stare at "breakfast.
. one for all.. Shane sighs. if I say out. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. I can cross my eyes. then at Tyler -. .. (then:) Yes. Peter starts bawling.. LULU . So -.. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. crying. ladies. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.here's how it's gonna be. all for one. If I say in.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. Peter stands in his chair. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. Shane turns to Lulu.. trying to hear over the screaming.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Your mama -. And the phone rings. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.. ZOE He's only two.. you go out..is not here to take care of you now. too. He runs away. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. Wanna see? Negative. dancing.. you stay in. We're gonna pull together. Shane answers..
Thank you. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . INT. EXT. sir.. legal guardian. yes.a death defying. backwards at sixty m. you and Todd are expelled.. EXT. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. He said if you're late again. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. innocently. SHANE Not on my watch.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens.. INT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .h. and at that . wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. LULU We're gonna be late. Oh. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. It just doesn't add up. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. A big suburban school. dramatically unveiling Shane.p.. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. GARAGE . Shane fumbles with it for a while.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. It hits ZERO. He wants to see you in his office. perfect parallel park.. With your . I know it's Monday. Across his chest.. into a TINY parking spot -. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. He hangs up.. Zoe smiles at him. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. GARAGE . Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.M. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.9:29 A.
as he plays on the floor. Top to bottom. Out of twenty-three. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. K thru 12. tough. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. they needed a parole officer.P in charge of discipline. conduct and truancy. They're the worst students in my school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Well. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). assured. I coach wrestling. Lieutenant. Looks like Mrs. You're in my house now.moment. Duane.. son? SHANE Wolfe. The Kids crack up. He withers. He glares at Shane. Shane. whatever work you can get. He's HUGE and mean. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. boy. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. V. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. mortified. She's attractive. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Murney is furious. holding Peter on a harness. Plummer finally listened. The Kids are seated around him. . I'm Murphy. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS.. too. Murney is unimpressed. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. a few days.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He exits. staring him up and down. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Lieutenant. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. The teens hustle off to their classes. What are you doing in my office. Good. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I am in charge of. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. as he casually holds the three kids. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Red 2.. Claire sees this -. SHANE Red 1. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Plummer called my captain. I think I can handle this from here.. The opens the door for Murney. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Principal Claire eyeballs him.. You see.. She told me all about you. BELL rings.two little red DOTS move away. (then. fuming. Shane checks his TRACKER -. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. impressed. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. Get moving..and suddenly reacts. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard.Good morning kids. 34. that as vice principal. Mrs. Plummer.
EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Service paid for my college.. The 35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.. Courage. dead serious. SHANE "Honor. That's the way I live my life.. to balance Shane. So.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. and the way I run my school. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".(Shane nods. Claire looks nervously around. SHANE Can't be too careful... You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. Welcome aboard. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. JUMP CUT TO: EXT..MID-MORNING seeShane. She lifts her pants leg. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. SHANE .. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE .. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. On the spot. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.
Shane closes the computer.last time: Open the hanger. He checks his tracking device.O.. Todd. sitting in the back row of a class. does the same. Official Business.. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. picks up a pair of binoculars. Zoe. Save us both a world of pain. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. 36 .. Todd. with stern intensity. Now -. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. He turns to the person front of him. INT. CAFETERIA . in line to get lunch.Clean as a whistle. delighted. BINOCULARS P. two. turns her back to him embarrassed.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. yanks his hood over his head. SHANE Give up now. one.O.V.V. . ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Beside Shane. Black Hawk coming in. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. like a tether ball..
SHANE Hey -.. (she toasts.. (she looks at his chair) Well. 37. .. Tyler laughs. A whole day. Shane sighs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -.. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds.Tyler gurgles. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Claire smiles.I out rank you. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. man.) Shane. not so dry where you're sitting. huh? Shane gives her a look. you know. ignoring him.but you're pretty good at this. When you agreed to serve your country. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Seriously. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. I guess. Mr. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. Oh. Sure. I'm impressed. with milk. He yanks Tyler away from him. you don't...but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Can I call you Shane? . You're on dry land. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. lieutenant. Principal Claire smiles. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Murney smirks... in the crowd. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. INT. Look at him. MURNEY He did. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.. next week's tournament is off. unusual.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. As soon as they see the Principal. Zoe. VP Murney is watching.. Personally . MURNEY You heard the lady. and "punches fists" with him. I don't care who starts it. impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. but not stopping it. and the sound of Students in an uproar. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. the crowd freezes. (Todd) 38. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler.That's. LUNCH-LINE . cheering.
man. stopping an inch from Shane's head.total control. yeah. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. sticking the landing.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . flinch. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. sir. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. The Bell rings. He'd kill you so fast.Todd lands on his feet. Todd lunges at him. .. what do you say? Come on. Maybe some other time then. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. SHANE . Boys'll be boys. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. I'm on duty. Murney approaches Shane. Don't even think it. SHANE .. promise I'll go easy on you. (low. That's right. 39 .I think that's a little harsh. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Nice moves.. Maybe you could stop by practice. the crowd breaks up. Murney. MURNEY Pretty slick.I'm a black belt myself. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. I forgot you had to baby-sit. MURNEY Oh. Frogman -.. Sorry.. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.
He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. following his tracking device. as he keeps watch. Panicked.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. Tyler is crying. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Bathroom's down the hall.. Roger that.change him. Then Shane smells what she means -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. INT. 40. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.. Emergency! SHANE INT.. and not cry. Just then. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. doing a shoulder roll. minus taxes.. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. SHANE Oh -. Lt. another dollar twenty. Have fun. Uh. for one who'll eat. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . But.CONTINUOUS .INT.Tyler's diaper is full. It leads him to a door. Not my job. Shane recoils in disgust. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. He bursts though it. holding Tyler out like a grenade. The Principal strolls up.
with the Panic Button in her hand. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. SHANE EXT. 41.the Class applauds. EXT. EXT.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. Shane lands in fight stance -. BUSY INTERSECTION . almost tipping the minivan. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. are heading away from the school fast. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Lulu is in front of the class. They make a sharp right.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He blasts through a red light. I INT. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. Shane makes a right. Thanks.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. CONSTRUCTION SITE . At that moment. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. He hands her to the Principal. He speeds away after them. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He leaps out of the minivan.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. HALLWAY .2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. through the fence. Shane is furious.
and the sound of OMINOUS. From outside.section. Shane lowers himself down. all brandishing tools. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. No sweat. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.then RUN.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. SQUISHY footsteps. He catches his breath. Shane pries off the manhole cover. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. then checks the tracker -. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.LIVING ROOM . Shane easily takes them out. then checks his tracker.then gasps -. IN THE MANHOLE . ANGLE . Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. INT. He winces. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. feet away. It's horrific. they hear the front door open.SHANE He's alone.It's dark and dank. SEWER . Three Workers rush him. you're about to get a beat down. and charges through. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Shane trudges through the river of muck. . He takes a deep breath and dives under. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.the DOTS are CLOSE.
A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. BATHROOM . with a smirk.Then the door swings open. weird hair. She practically GAGS as she passes him. thank you. KITCHEN . The Cop turns to Shane.. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. 43 INT. . Covering her nose. The smell is BAD. The Cop looks at them. Todd stiffens. Zoe checks him out as he goes. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. he doesn't say anything. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.... . revealing Shane. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. INT.p. 16 year old female. If you need anymore help. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. BACK YARD .DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. INT.. Zoe fixes her hair. use our nonemergency number. Ditto. then covers their noses.LATER Shane is in the shower. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. looking like a Swamp Creature.b. The Cop leaves. Everyone gasps. Call. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe.
4 . FAMILY ROOM . If we don't sell enough cookies. Monday.Shane enters... He sees on the fridge. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. They already think I'm a loser. cringing in disgust. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. in just a towel. (whispers:) Come on. They won't be home `til ten.all junk food. we can't go the Jamboree. You gotta help me out.S. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. INT. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. SHANE (O. LULU We have to. He looks at it. And it's not like I have any other friends.) Get rid of them. Mom's our den mother. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. pulling Lulu after him. and whistle. Shane. Lulu starts to sniffle. it's Monday. LULU I can't. The Brownies applaud. they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. 4.a dozen little girls in uniforms.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. close to tears. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room.
back in "uniform. Here's how it's gonna be. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.wait here. at attention.MOMENTS LATER Shane. LIVING ROOM . That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. INT.. SHANE Good. unpacking boxes of cookies. Shane sighs. Tonight. I'm gonna be your den -commander.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS...Lulu's about to burst into tears. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. he's a total psycho. INT. Indian Style. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Now -. ladies.. Zoe's on the phone. ZOE'S BEDROOM . INT. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. ZOE . They are assembled. BROWNIE Den Mother? .MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Shane blows passed her. He's not just locking them -. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.. getting ready to go. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. then drills it into place. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. . KITCHEN . yeah. SHANE Alright. I'm scared of you. do as I say. the other to his back.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room.. Shane ushers the Troop out the door.
nuts?" EXT.. Tyler looks at him -.. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. No... it's like Oz or something. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. but if anything happens. (she listens:) Hm.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. he's got us on lock-down. EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor."what are you.. EXT. hits speed-dial. but they're . 4 EXT. INT. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. GROCERY STORE .. SHANE I gotta get supplies. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals.. I dunno if that's a good idea. He sees: a huge.. He smiles. NOTHING looks familiar -.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. GROCERY STORE ..PARKING LOT . ZOE . GROCERY STORE .nothing even looks like food. the camera CRANES up to. He looks around at the bright.5. as he pushes a cart into the store. Snack packs. DRIVEWAY . Scott. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. I can see you through the window.. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. GROCERY STORE . LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know..MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. Zoe picks up the phone.
before I get my face punching badge on you. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. Finally. and lets her go. He laughs... GROCERY STORE . they're back. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. chubby CUB SCOUTS. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. He rips it open. One The Brownies take off running.. . The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory..but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. you Skeever? . EXT. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle.noticing very shy. I haven't seen anybody.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . One of the Brownies spots something.. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. The Cub Scouts high-five. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.she tugs and tugs. but can't get away. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. clutching their boxes. menacingly..
and points at Lulu's Panic button. Where? SHANE INT.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . I'm here to protect you. you're supposed to take us to dinner. He heads toward the Scouts.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. If I don't come back -avenge my death. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them.22's. Cheese MANAGER. He bends down. Around his neck. Shane's monitor starts beeping. PARKING LOT .A LITTLE LATER . CHEESE . 47. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. Get in the car. The Brownies are huddled behind it. EXT. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. He firmly tells Lulu. He wears . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. we're going home. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. The Brownies scream. trembling.2ND SCOUT Nope. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Not cookies. CHUCK E.
. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. The Manager approaches Shane.. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. This much The Manager laughs.. this much cyanide. the Chuck E. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. skee Brownies are running around. Cheese! Wider reveals.. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.CHAOS. On stage.. which causes him to lisp. A LITTLE LATER: 48. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. Shane's watching Peter.. playing video games and ball. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese automaton band JAMS. Lulu approaches. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.braces and head-gear.
Unless you're scared. My joystick's broken.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. and then a kick in the face. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. The second round starts. then kicks him in the face. He steps up to the machine. Lulu screams out with her fighter. He cracks his knuckles. They begin. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. then cracks her in half over his knee. SHANE That's not fair. I thought you liked combat. He's really mad.. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Lulu picks a small female character. Round three starts. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Shane even get one punch in -.LULU I pressed two player. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. spins her. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Nobody can jump thirty feet. kneels on his head. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. LULU The Hulk can. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane is taking it really seriously. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Then he a joy stick. stretches. . Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air.. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars.she pins him to the ground. He checks over his shoulder -.
LULU You're not even trying. it's my job to worry... INT. leaving the sizzling machine.. slamming buttons. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone... ZOE . ZOE Mom -.take a shot... while he pounds the buttons. its joystick dangling by its wires. Shane's working the joy stick hard. the Zhouse is quiet. swing and a miss. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. swinging and missing. oops too slow. jumping.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.LIVING ROOM .. Shane's really fuming. He is KO'd. Sparks fly. It's really annoying. He and the Brownies sneak away. Lulu's having fun now. HOTEL ROOM . LULU Too slow.. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. dancing.. 50. but he can't hit her.. She keeps dancing...CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. INTERCUT WITH: INT. come on -.stop worrying.
not cool.LIVING ROOM . EXT. ZOE Dude. INT. we're okay. kids everywhere. up. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. 51. And the folks who read my BLOG. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . ..CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. who doesn't seem concerned at all.. ZOE I know. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. loads Brownies into the minivan.in my cell. PLUMMER HOUSE . we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. She turns to Scott.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle).The Plummer House: . Don't worry. I love you. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude. MALL PARKING LOT . The guy's just a control freak. JULIE It's only a few more days.Seriously. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. counting them. Zoe rolls her eyes. VARIOUS SHOTS . everything's cool. this is outta hand. but you know I have to do this. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. I hate leaving you.
and goes down for the diaper.. S 52. Whoa. is fine.Move. CHUCK E.not okay. MANAGER Relax. out away from him. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. move! Go go! EXT. We see what he forgot: PETER. He's still down there. again. SUBURBAN ROAD . MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.. gasping. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. the Brownies follow. Silence.. Not okay.. CHEESE . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. freestyling in the ball pool -.they almost always do. He holds his breath. Shane grimaces. SHANE .. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He charges across the room with the diaper. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Suddenly. to leave a man behind like that. INT. He disappears under the balls -. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. SHANE Inexcusable.LATER .DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. a look of horror comes across Shane's face.for a long time.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He's holding the diaper. The Manager is watching him. move.
He gets out -. vents.. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles..KITCHEN .then CRUSHES the ball. Peter and Tyler up the path. windows. Outraged. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -.J. 53. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. INT. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. at a full run. peeing in the bushes..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. EXT. Scott. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane takes Lulu. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. then RUN.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. as he pulls up in the Minivan.. Now.'s turntables.. a total wreck.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. making out. jocks throwing footballs. Reeling. Shane snatches it mid-air -. we're gonna do this ... SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. PLUMMER HOUSE . Party's over. CLUB lock off the door.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. chugging drinks. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.and groans in disbelief. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. trying to understand.. scared.
Scott and Zoe.. Shane goes over them. and walk out of sight. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. Scott gulps .NIGHT Shane inspects the house. PLOP. INT. He lifts the sofa.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. ladies.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling.. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He fumes. Miserable TEENS scrub. In a bathroom. labeled with a Sharpie. in Playtex gloves. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. Clean. Shane's eyes narrow.my way -.then he notices something. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.no highway option. Oh my god. as kids clean. CUT EXT. mopping. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. trying to maintain his dignity. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .. It reads: GHOST.CONTINUOUS . A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. straightening -. he takes it off. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. He holds it up to a KID. PLUMMER HOUSE . residue. through binoculars. INT. He hands Scott the mop..SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. furiously clean. They see Shane find the CD.
Zpounding on doors. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott's the last one to leave. My friends will never come here again. They show no respect for you or your house. Shane hands her a handkerchief. she pukes again. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. Rambo. Because you have no respect for yourself. Zoe gets up. outside the bathroom door.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. furniture polished. CUT TO: EXT. (Announces:) Company. Zoe blows past him -. ZOE I do too respect myself. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.. ueasy. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten.. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Shane stands. where she throws up. SHANE You got barf on your tank top.into the bathroom. You're like a robot. sits down. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Todd picks her up.. INT. Shane . It looks like Better Homes and Gardens.. shaky and furious. and screams in Shane's face. After a beat. you hate us. Thanks a lot. helpless. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. ZOE . He heads upstairs. Lulu's crying. downstairs! He walks down the hall.
Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Suddenly. I'm not the man for this job.the three fight. Wielding with great skill. NINJA GHOST -. as soon as your mom comes back. talking doesn't do any good...55. He goes down. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. I'm gone. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Red 1. SHANE Puberty. SHANE You're right.... Not even from the enemy. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. TWO NINJAS. all in black BURST in through the window. The Ninjas attack. Suddenly -. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. Don't worry. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. tired) It's Scott.the power goes out. Go to your rooms. They leap down after him. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. fiercely -. Shane spins in fight-stance.they're good. pounding him with their .hand it over! staffs. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. close-quarters and fast.
Shane fends the Ninjas off. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. They step back. 56 INT. fiercely.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. and grabs it.. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He pulls the string.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -..knocking him into. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. SHANE Okay -. With his foot. Shane crashes down. several FURBIES hit the floor. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.. blinding him.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane runs to the changing table. facing them.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. toys fly. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. and flings them all over the floor..then the Ninjas charge. The Ninjas move towards him -.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS.. WHACK. it makes a silly thunk. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.. avoiding Legos.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. he hits a Ninja in the head. and uses them both to fend off blows. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. PLAYROOM . a squeezes . .
He squints. He sprays it in Shane's face.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. bawling.then the door creaks open. Shane isn't sure what to do. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.SHANE 57. He really hugs them. It's okay. terrified. Kids. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. HALLWAY .SECONDS LATER Composing himself. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.. Shane approaches Zoe's door. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He runs to the broken window. The cloud dissipates. he hugs Peter and Lulu. Then. disappointed to have lost them.. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. that your father invented. quietly knocks. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Todd and Zoe enter... The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. He hugs them. fearful. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. Shane bangs the window sill. SHANE It's safe. SHANE Shhh. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. and Shane sees he's now alone. blinded. INT.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. You can open up. .. ANGLE .. He A long pause -...
Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. He looks Zoe. you listen to me. They want this. Then. all smiles. But nothing's gonna happen to you.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.. And I'm not going anywhere.. Zoe laughs: she can't help it.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.. 58. Shane is furious -. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. LIVING ROOM .then they hug him. it's been a long night. and do what I say. relieved. Zoe answers it. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. as long as I'm here. too. They hug him tighter." And then. "Unchained Melody. From now on. eye to eye. startled. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. The kids shudder. Then. Soon. Deal? Truce -... I'll listen to you too. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. SHANE They're not after you.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. Shane offers his hand to shake. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. They shake -. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.. absolutely nothing pottery .they all jump.a long pause. CLOSE-UP . INT.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. the other kids join in.
They were looking for GHOST. Shane takes the phone. Plummer. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.. She holds up the strange. Nope. INTERCUT: INT. metal two pronged KEY.it's okay. students run in to school. . We just don't know what its for. The minivan pulls up.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. as soon as the customs paperwork clears.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. They're gone. SHANE (very genuine) . We found something in the box. two men tried to get into the house tonight. But we're not sure what it is. It looks like some kind of "key". EXT. You have any luck? JULIE Well.happened you should worry about. yes and no.we'll be just fine. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on.. HOTEL ROOM ..MORNING Early morning. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. but they didn't find it.. SHANE Mrs. Don't worry -. SHANE No . everyone's fine... and Shane emerges with the five kids. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. SCHOOL .
in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).." Then. Murney stands. Principal Claire next to him. He is gesticulating. They look concerned. LULU'S CLASSROOM .MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. then BRAKES.DAY Driver's Ed. LULU'S CLASSROOM .she'll pay for the damage. Zoe sits in a folding chair. An obstacle course with cones. He dips an INT. who sits in the back. So. THE GYM . ANGLE on Lulu. reacting each time she HITS the gas. Lulu's classmates all chant. . EXT. Shane nods. mortified. egg in some purple dye. shaking his head. and smiles at Shane. she wrecked a driver's Ed. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. a crazed TEACHER next to her. SCREAMING. "yeah. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. then BRAKES.INT. squashed at a little desk.. car -. Peter 60 She smiles. HITS the gas. sunglasses on. ANGLE on Shane. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . I know it's good. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles... Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. MURNEY . making a mess of an egg. Shane stands off to the side. SHANE Don't worry.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.
and I'm not sure what to do. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker. But this.it's the boy.I'm a bit concerned. Shane gives Zoe a look. but -..) See if you can talk to the boy. Zoe shrugs. ... MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. Todd and Zoe stand to go. boys will be boys -. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.yes. SHANE He's not a NAZI.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. Shane scowls. Shane stops. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. what do you expect. No. what's going on. 61.. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. He does always miss sixth period... giving him a "skinhead" look...That? Lady drivers. Todd enters. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. and Shane walks them out. it's not that -. (pulls Shane aside. Murney calls into the hallway. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.but this is just sick. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.
Without warning. and Murney chases after him. maybe. and keeps walking. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . and leaves. 62. if you ask me. Shane trips forwards to his knees.that whole family's no good. we'll give these boys a treat.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. kicking him in the BACK.. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. stretching.. MURNEY It's a date then. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. huh? (Shane ignores him. I promise I won't hurt you. MURNEY You're a good man. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. SHANE I'll talk to him. Kung team: Shane walks away. SHANE Another time. Murney laughs. and leaps at Shane. Shane walks the kids out. I'll show you a couple moves. as he passes.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Shane.
SHANE Wait Todd. you're in charge. but instead he takes a deep breath. Todd runs towards the house. running around the corner. SHANE Smart kid.. Shane screws the window shut. TODD'S ROOM . It looks like Shane might fight. Shane parks. He starts to shut the window. INT. and leaves. and snickers to his Team. Nothing. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. keeping the contact. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. so the alarm didn't go off.shakes Shane turns back. signal me. Keep all doors sealed. It's pink. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. On the corner. He enters. Murney his head. do your homework. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.far down the block. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. He sees Zoe. PLUMMER HOUSE . peering out her window. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in.. The window is wide open. I want to talk to you. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. EXT. It's small for him. preheat the oven. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. Shane looks out the window -. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. Shane hops out the window. with a flowered basket. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. but he . he can see Todd. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
... BEAT.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. Shane's glare. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. show's off. Todd looks devastated -. Shane looks at the Cast. they're not sure what to do.. SHANE COMPANY -. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. TODD . Chicks dig guys who can dance. He smiles... TODD Doesn't matter now anyway.. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. LIESL We don't have a director.. girls'll think I'm. it's over.. they quickly assemble on stage. Todd looks up at Shane.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane straightens up.What if. Shane shakes his head. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. or not? Everyone nods... Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Liesl chimes in. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. weird or something? 66 . OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.
. Scott. He hears Zoe in her room. furious. He peeks in -.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. Shane exits. LULU'S ROOM . SHANE .UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I promise. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR... No wait! ..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. another girl picked up the phone.. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. It's stupid.. ZOE ..What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. I won't touch him. angrily. PLUMMER HOUSE . He turns out the light. SHANE Okay. I don't know why I let it get to me. I know it's no big deal.. INT. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. BREAKING something. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. I called him in his room..LATER ..Yes. INT. YES WHAT? SHANE .
By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. So -they waited for cloud cover. he illustrates. Shane looks at her surprised. I 6 . SHANE(CONT'D) One day. Uranium.. and they came in from the north. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. the little Elf family -. facility. As Shane finishes the story. setting up the scene with DOLLS. on Lulu's floor. ULU Tell me a story. Stumped.Uh..so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. Once there was a family of Elves... (MORE) T S L 8. Let's see..... Then he starts: SHANE Okay.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. The elves had to go in and take it out. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. To find a secret gnome. He sits on the bed. Went into the magic forest. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -..
And you ain't got a chance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Todd calls from the doorway. TODD I'll write it down for you.. or he won't stop. S 69. Peter WAILS. the teeniest little elf of all -. c'mon. Even. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. head in the door.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.... Shane sighs.mean standing. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove..Rodriquez... He made it up for him. Peter starts bawling. NURSERY . SHANE Oh. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Like dad used to do. and do the Panda Dance.. TODD You have to do the dance. Lulu's fallen asleep. .. INT.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. and whispers to Peter.. from across the hall... Then. lower than the floor. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story... We got `em all. The wails get louder and LOUDER. I can't remember that thing.
Zoe realizes he's staring at her. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. Humiliated. through the mirror. PLUMMER HOUSE . and gets in the driver's seat. Chun..MORNING .. just like the crabs do.. She gets out in shock. Shane turns and catches Mr.. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. (Tyler in the snuggle). Lulu is next to him.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. SHANE Today you drive. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. staring.) EXT. mortified. . SHANE What are you looking at? INT. They turn to Zoe. He does the dance as he sings.Shane sighs. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. (He does. He sings again. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Shane.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. The Kids sit bolt upright. Chun gets his paper. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Shane crab-walks sideways. T the A 70. terrified. Shane hops forward three times. Peter applauds. GARAGE . with her Gameboy.
TODD Especially when Zoe's driving.. but trying not to show it. The Kids share a dubious look. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. Shane is shaky.ZOE But -. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Touched. Shane is nervous.I can't even pass driver's Ed. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Zoe is surprised. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. S P . Keep going. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Exactly. Zoe backs jerkily out. INT. not the road. jerkily. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. I trust you... no.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car.... She pulls out. MINIVAN .
.. trembling. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Broken promises lead to broken legs. INT. Claire strides into view. EXT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . being obnoxious. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Shane's . Before Scott knows what's happened. and a little make-up. CAFETERIA . almost tapping a bus's rear fender. hey head into the school. Shane lets him down and heads into school. with a few FRIENDS. SHANE Good.. ZOE Ha ha ha. Shane spots something.Claire BARKS out. Next lesson.71. Zoe smiles. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. She's wearing a cute dress. Chastened. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Suddenly -. 1500 hours. severe stare) Now. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. laughing. Very funny. KIDS boisterously run past. Shane unclenches his teeth. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). terrified. Shane jumps out of the car. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze.. the kids gulp and orderly march away.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Scott's terrified.
dragging . RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . Noon and none of them have been called to my office. Wow. something. It's a miracle. SHANE hey eat in silence." In one move. She smiles. Love it when he does that. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Shane leaps over the table. Suddenly. S he sits beside him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. S T P .eyes alight. him by the ear. impressed. you never know who you're going to run into. too. Shane`s not so good at small talk. She's waiting for him to say.. He smiles back... 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. and offers him a milk. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them... sailor? Thanks.. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today.
Freak? The Students snicker.. MURNEY Winners never quit. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Murney turns around. It opens Friday. Todd looks.. What're you so scared of. Yeah I do. TODD Hey. I. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.. intimidated. . I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. Murney. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. I quit. Murney gets up in Shane's face.Murney shoves Todd forward. now it all makes sense. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I want to sing. boy. No one's sure they heard him right. I'm right here. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.. Silence. MURNEY I've had it. Then: TODD I am not scared. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Talk. M 73.. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.
furious -URNEY So -. taking flyers.face to face. You suck. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. Murney looks around.and then a mob of Students. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. Let's do it.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. There is a stunned moment -. it's scary S 74. Murney did not expect to be called out. He storms out. His voice cracks -. humiliated. Your ass is mine.Shane steps them. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. swarm Todd. The Gym. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. The whole team wants to quit. You win. M urney looks over at the Team.me. protecting him. They look to the ground sheepishly. So calm. TODD There is a man in my house -.it reads: . Everyone is watching.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. Todd's telling the truth. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -.
Shane side-steps. Shane throws an arm around Todd. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. WHAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. shocked. Todd cheers Shane on. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. hard. mumbling something. grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. rushes Shane. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Murney lands on his back. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. 3:00.3:00 mat. Todd flops to the mat." INT. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands.BAM.sending him right into the wall. S 75. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. quietly twitching on the ground. Murney. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. and they head out. GYM . M URNEY on. Murney bounds to his feet."Murney's getting his ass kicked. and sweeps Murney -. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. The bleachers are PACKED.
FOREST . When I Rwanda. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. TODD That was awesome. The crowd cheers. Claire. . LULU We're Brownies.Dislocated nerve. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. They walk out.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. 76 SHANE either. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. that's all. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. No brownies edible. She gives him a thumbs up. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. BUGS. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. fascinated. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. Todd. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. I got my troops waiting. If you're not sure. too. TO: EXT.
EXT... In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. the Girls PUNCH.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. he reaches out and rocks it.. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. MALL PARKING LOT . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. in between punches.FRONT LAWN . PLUMMER HOUSE ." INT. PUNCH. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. He illustrates the stage directions. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. EXT. KICK..DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. The Duck watches all this -.we'll put Von Trapps here. she burns rubber. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. and. Shane holds a stopwatch. KICK. here at the top of the stairs. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. The Kids don't get it. OLD FACTORY . He signals her.she hits EVERY ONE -.fascinated. NURSERY .. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. In unison.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. in perfect tempo. PUNCH. He laughs at his own joke.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. Now the Nazis are gonna come in..He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. INT. here. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. Zoe . MALL PARKING LOT .
your life little girl. INT. EXT.. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. ODD . blur.BACK YARD . PLUMMER HOUSE . PLUMMER HOUSE . MALL PARKING LOT . Shane gives her a signal.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. it teeters. OLD FACTORY . Hands a T .FRONT LAWN .. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. He counts begins wriggling free." Lulu.DAY -"1. she only clips one.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.out and weaves the cones... is an empty page/that men will want to write on..3. T I E 77... but doesn't fall.2. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. EXT. NURSERY . They watch closely. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. mercilessly. EXT. in we WIDEN back.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. INT. The Brownies attack.
Then he tucks Peter in. 8. Peter. Peter Panda. INT. now and then. Shane is so touched. NURSERY . SHANE I'm not your daddy. He does a spin kick." Singing and doing all the moves -. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.huh? Now. Again.he's got it down. Graceful. THUD! Gazelle. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Graceful. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.EVENING . odd tries the spinning kick. Todd tries the kick. daddy. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. He kisses Peter on the forehead. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. adding a James Brown flourish. but blows it. Shane performs the "Panda Dance.hard. he almost bursts into tears. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. But sweet dreams. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Peter.
but like lightning. striking a cool pose. she wraps it around his arm.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. She shoves a cookie in his mouth.they LAUGH. 9. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . The . he lands on the ground hard. the Chubby Cub Scouts. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. the Other Scouts are scared.MOMMY! She lets him go -.in a FLIP. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. FORMATION. see them. He smiles.. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. at their own table. The Scouts share a look -. The Scout struggles. tying him. INT. You're gonna have to pay for that. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. In one move. As he's comparing prices -. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. Across the lot. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. S SHANE That's my troop. proud. wearing the double snuggle.he sees.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. scary.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
WITH: J INT. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. J 82.soldier. ANGLE . EXT.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . OE I never even got to say good bye. the kids are all abuzz. happy. BACK YARD .SHANE He's left alone.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. HOTEL . The phone rings. INT. talking excitedly. Shane answers it. A tear runs down Zoe's face. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. She throws her arms around Shane. HALLWAY . we're on the first plane in the morning.
Three squares a day. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Shane turns. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. hane rises. with. He pets the Duck. Suddenly.The house is dark.. Gary's foot is caught in a grate.. he Duck stares. INT. GARAGE . Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sits in a lawn chair. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. your wings aren't clipped. the Duck starts quacking. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. unblinking. Shane sighs morosely. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Kids to play S . Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. I guess I better fix that Playroom window.NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE Just another assignment. No reason for personal attachments.
shines it down the grate. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. only It's solid and inscrutable. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. DISSOLVE INT.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. .. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. he floor opens. The wheel spins. unsuccessfully. No hinges or cracks. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. TO: to S 84. we see a CRANK WHEEL.. He tries muscles rippling... Shane dials a phone. BOTTOM OF STAIRS .. The break in its surface is a strange. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. leading below the garage. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.. crack the lock all night. The Kids are watching his progress. INT.SHANE What happened. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. Shane steps down it. Nothing. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane looks on stunned... and then it gives. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. GARAGE . Lulu hands him a tool. He's been trying.
After we turn this in to my CO. Okay. GHOST. We'll be there shortly -. TO: INT. Away from Shane.. pleased. Everyone reacts happily. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. W e PUSH INTO the house. he answers it. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. excited.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Julie sits beside him..EXT.Lulu.don't do anything `til I get there. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. BILL . and hangs up. Bill reacts. Do you have it? SHANE No. MRS. It's in a steel vault.. don't do anything further. GARAGE .. Silently spying on Shane. GARAGE . relieved. Then we slowly MOVE UP.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. I've been trying all night. sir. SEDAN . can't crack it.. Except for -. Bill's cell phone rings. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. TO: INT.. Through a window. towards the neighbor's house. She looks stricken. CHUN CUT BACK . An ominous pause. I think I found GHOST.
BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Lulu? You should be happy. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. in the next room. She trails off. JULIE'S HOUSE .they hear.. SHANE You guys better get ready. The rug is vacuumed. J JULIE'S P. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. HOUSE . The fish tank is clear. Tongue-tied. should be home soon. so they probably trashed the place. I 85.SHANE He goes silent. Bill is carrying her suitcases. LULU But.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. Shane -. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Julie and Bill hop out.V..: The house is spotless. KIDS VOICES . he has no answer.O. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH.. comes into the dark hall. INT.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Kids singing a beautiful. in shock..does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .
KITCHEN . BILL (he smiles wryly...CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Zoe is in a conservative dress. then salutes back) Good job. Lulu has bows in her hair. no dishes in the sink.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Across the room. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. INT. mom. DINING ROOM . 8 JULIE almost faints. Lieutenant. picture- ... MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.. featuring Todd. INT. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Julie starts bawling. a capella) . She staggers to. She sees. Bill steadies her.(singing. S SHANE Captain. ZOE Welcome home. smiling. with songs they have sung. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly... for a thousand years. Peter is fresh faced. Dumb-struck. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Julie goes to the. ( B 6. Shane sees Bill enter.
reluctant. I'm giving you your choice of assignment... a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Shane continues. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. SHANE That's kind of you. Don't get me wrong.INT. surprised. GARAGE . I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. You just name it. Shane. all I've never known is the military. Bill holds the pronged key. Sir. pause) But I'll have to think about it. an ANGRY VOICE. S S 87. anywhere you want. ILL I'm really proud of you. BILL I should hope not. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. Suddenly. Bill stops.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. And I think I want to explore that some more..
he looks up as he drops. and Mrs. He is losing consciousness. . MRS.. Mr... Chun. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Things are spinning.. startled. hane takes control! He smiles. Disoriented. Mrs. relishing a second of glory -.. startled. There were delays.Shane and Bill spin. He takes a submissive position.SHANE Lights out. confused. Shane shoots Bill a glance.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.when suddenly. Shane peers in confusion. SHANE'S POV woozy. and starts to fall. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. reaching for Bill's key.. then passes out. He turns.. B 88.. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. while SLAMMING their heads together.. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Chun comes closer. Shane puts his hands behind his head.. GUNS DRAWN.. CLOSE-UP . They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.
livid. They anxiously tiptoe. closing the window shades. scared. (to Mr. The floor is covered with square tiles. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. then slides OPEN! enter. So did the Department of Defense. with two .. Bill and Mrs. Beside the safe is a red switch. NURSERY . Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. ILL North Korea pays better. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. exit. Chun) Keep an eye on them.BLACK. 8 Bill grins. reaching. Bill checks the knots binding the children. Peter has a JUICE BOX. The Kids are furious. and it CLICKS. Bill inserts the two-pronged key.. Chun approach the steel door. They THE VAULT! Spare.. Charles trusted you. FADE IN: INT. They whimper. bright and white..DAY Shane lies unconscious. Julie glares. You -. Inside is a dark corridor. Bill and Mrs... JULIE I trusted you. GARAGE . L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. He GAGS the kids. Chun) secures the room. The Korean Man (Mr. INT. tied up. The door HUMS.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. INT.with me. 9.
. Chun whirls -. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Chun guards the kids.needing a distraction. done. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. She confidently strides toward the safe -. INT. Mrs. Lulu "looks" scared. HOUSE .SAME TIME Mr. completely SINGED OFF. Tyler GASPS.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. as if she hadn't moved. off shoulder eyebrows.. the Chun spins. like a monstrous computer. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. had eyebrows..which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Bill eyes the safe. MRS. horrified -. The air is filled with an ominous. she hits her panic button! O. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. BEEPING.. quickly assuming a fake bound position. low-pitched HUM. then leans back against Zoe. But behind her back. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. He sneers. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Mr..and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. she unties Zoe! Then -. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Mr.. then Mr.S. MRS. Chun is Bokay. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. CHUN But I've got some C4. but the of her jacket is on fire. It's set on ARMED. eyeballing them icily. MR.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.the Kids look innocent. CHUN Just. Lulu frowns. startled -.. With a rapid blur of finger-work.
HAM without warning. he drops to his knees in pain.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close.. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. . Mr. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. It HURTS.. Chun's head. Mr. when he's at her level. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun scowls. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. slamming the door behind her. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Mr. They untie Julie. Skeptical. Chun's leg. Lulu runs. snake-like move.. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.W Z 90. he steps closer. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun's face. then. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun laughs: MR. CHUN That's cute.. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun looks at Lulu. BEHIND TODD . Mr.
. M E M 91. Bill lurches into view. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. NURSERY . his face COATED in white. INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.but as Julie exits. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. making a small hole. FRONT DOOR .Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.. INT. Chun's face. He sticks his face out the hole.CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun punches the door. She SCREAMS. INT. I INT.....doorknob. they're trapped inside. NURSERY . but the door won't budge. Chun falls back from the door. He yells out furious! MR. DONNGGG -.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. clutching her! The .
Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. CHUN Chun falls. Chun comes racing around the house -. Chun listens to Mr. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.I've got the keys. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. She floors it. MR.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out..CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's..CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. Mrs. MINIVAN . ARGHH! driveway. HOUSE . CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. HOUSE . INT. They start to run back. Chun THE RADIO.. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. EXT.. they're not going anywhere. then nod and run to the side garage. . speaking in Korean: RS.kids are horrified. unsure.CONTINUOUS r.
I wouldn't have killed him so soon. lying on the concrete. They step past Shane's body. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. I want to know how to get through the booby traps.Charles didn't tell me about the room. INT. Then.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. GARAGE . leading her to the secret door..CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. Julie GASPS. gaining on them. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Chun exits the vault. a CRACKLING of static. chilled. INT.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Don't make me kill you too. holding a military RADIO.. VAN . oe runs a yellow. B . Mrs. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. It's getting old.
SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code.he clicks "talk" on the radio.. EXT. He tries to pass them on the right. Bring them back unharmed. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. everyone looks down. He does something we can't see.DAY The vehicles race.. Then -.SHANE They look over -. CHUN Mr. half on the sidewalk. as Zoe drives. just please don't hurt anyone. ANGLE . Do it. ILL . ill eyes him. BILL Change of plan. BUSY STREET .Shane is standing in the doorway. Bill. they might wreck. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.93. MINIVAN . It's B risky. SHANE (O. MRS... emotional. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. ZOE .) Bill. Surprised. I'll get you in. to cut them off! INT.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. Bill uncuffs Shane. It's like a chariot race.. Chun zooming by. The men stare down. don't hurt the kids.S.. my husband has question: MR. Bill deciding if he can trust him.
. Shane is figuring his options. . Mr. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Peter laughs.. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass... WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun swerves and almost wrecks.. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun holds Julie. She Mr. Hair spray. M R. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. In the van. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. triumphant. and loses control. INT. Bill waits impatiently. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. disoriented.. orange peels. CRASH!! The kids cheer. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. crayons. It throws Mr. Chun ROLLS UP his window.. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Exasperated. Mrs. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Chun SCREAMS. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun off for a beat. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry.What's taking you? 94. Zoe looks over. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Mr.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. SECRET VAULT .. Mr.
Bill laughs. Todd. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. sending him flying backwards. Lulu. go get it -. Shane steps forward . over one beam and ducking under another -. BILL Code or no code. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. confidently: J B B 95 .ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.. in pain. Shane leaps back. puzzled. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Peter. landing on his hands and knees. Tyler! Bill reacts. ill cocks his gun. Watch. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.A bewildered beat -. He speaks aloud.now. Sweat drips down Shane's face..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Shane steps forward. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Shane SQUIRTS it. . Shane gets up.
SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).. He thinks. He steps sideway. . Again -.SHANE Shane's thinks. Shane he steps forwards. CLOSE-UP . No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.they have no idea what he's laughing about. Bill and Julie share a look -. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Julie relieved. He feels the Groove. across two tiles. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. Something she said. fearlessly. And you haven't got a chance. E 96 . When you're down and low. lower than the floor. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. He takes a deep breath. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. NOTHING HAPPENS. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Shane feels the Groove in the floor.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance..NOTHING HAPPENS. just like the crabs do. then back: smiles... Calmness comes to Shane's face. Shane LAUGHS sharply. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. not quite centered to the room.
just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. from the ceiling. BUSY INTERSECTION . CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. When he steps back -. ZOE Come on. Inside is the Cute Cop.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Use the gas. Zoe blows past it. If he'd been standing. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. 5-0. 9 7.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. his focus gone. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. and our bodyguard -. Don't follow me! .it takes a while. they're FLYING.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. The Squad Car's lights flash on. They have my mom. not the brake. and he catches up with the minivan -. EXT. he'd be toast.
INT. almost running it off road.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. The Squad Car is on its tail. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. PLUMMER BASEMENT . but if I had more resources. is Mr. the Minivan SPEEDS by.. and speeds back towards her house. Then better jump quick. Suddenly. Following the chase.. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. Squad Car turns around and chases her... It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. I accept full responsibility. EXT. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. NECK-BRACE. nervously. She shakes her head. Claire frowns. concerned.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. . pool of liquid. EXT. It's acid.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. 98.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. in a cloud of smoke. SCHOOL . Zoe U-turns. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. at a safe distance. sliding forward. like there ain't no floor. My intelligence proved to be faulty.
Immediately. I knew you'd figure it out. The whole room goes SILENT. Chun follows. pulling Julie along. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. He holds his breath just in time. Beat. The Booby Traps are disarmed. to the left of the HOLE. sir. Shane scowls." . BILL Thank you. All that we stand for. disgusted. She gestures back: you go. Whew. Bill takes a breath -. Finally. Shane. and jumps back. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. You were always my best man. Chun to go first. And you betrayed all of that. 99. BILL I'll take that as a "no.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. The safe's red light turns green. and jump to the left.. if you're willing to join up. What do you say -.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Bill shrugs. Nothing happens. Mrs.. He lands in front of THE SAFE.he waves his hand over the floor. Bill signals for Mrs." He jumps. to calm down) Almost done. It's a stand-off. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill looks around. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. "Just hold your breath. He nervously steps forward . almost done.and walks across the room. He's relieved -.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you.
Bill LUNGES..Bill turns to the safe.. then catches himself. Shane reaches for the safe. head. Bill is incensed. Mrs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait.. Shane shrugs. BILL (CONT'D) . BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Chun reaches out. legs! He's crazed. You open it. then PUNCHES him in the gut. . BILL None requested. and touches the dial. He starts to reach for the dial. Full of himself.. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Relief. her hair on end. hitting Bill's arms. but Shane gazes coldly. But suddenly Mrs. trying to read Shane's poker face. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Bill is off guard. I walked the floor first. Chun LEAPS onto his back.. Bill gestures to Mrs. shaking from the voltage. SHANE There will be no mercy. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Chun. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. I think you better open it. Chun doesn't budge. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.Mrs. SIZZLING. unrelenting. She turns it. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Something's not right. Nothing happens. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges.. Reluctantly . MRS.
The Police Cars . She catapults. It's clear the both have the same training. But he's unforgiving. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Shane COLD-COCKS her.they tangle like pro's. he drops and FLIPS her. He jumps to his feet.! EXT. Shane shakes his head. connecting only occasionally. unable to gain her balance.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. SIRENS wailing. SHANE You're a. the wind knocked out of him. then whispers/sings. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. knocking her out. Leering mercilessly. Say. Shane tumbles.BILL He steps over Shane. delivering a series of hard punches. SHANE . and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters.O. kick. which Shane deflects -. tottering. They punch. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. stumbles backwards across the room. chase after. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. Shane struggles to lose her.. terrible neighbor. Shane narrows his eyes. K.. OOF! Bill tumbles. landing on his back in front of the safe. Suddenly. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. PLUMMER'S STREET . good night. saved.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. IN THE VAN. Bill is charging him. everyone is SCREAMING. spin. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat.. She smiles. ANGLE .
O. Shane gently removes it. smoke BURNING from the tires -. Shane steps out. Cops surround them.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Whoa. The garage door raises.. then BRAKES.101.. HOUSE . TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. But it's too late.and hits a tree. SECRET VAULT .SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. The Kid spill out and run.. from the car. The kids clamber from the van. They look in silence. She smiles at Shane.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.. JULIE Thank you Shane. Now we can go back to our peaceful. GHOST. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. It's finally over. grateful. INT. The van SKIDS. Then -. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . with their hands raised. then look in the safe: Inside. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. SHANE . Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.SAME TIME Total commotion. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.
AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. uh. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. The Cops are unsure what to do. triumphant. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CUTE COP I said FREEZE.S. as he turns his head. Nobody is sure what to do. He scoffs. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. I suggest you call the FBI. He's disheveled and manic. MR. But then -.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Shane weighs his not so many options.. Mr. ZOE But..CUTE COP FREEZE. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. Now. Cops cover Shane and Julie. helpless. Shane spins. Silence. Chun stands inside the gate. 10 2.. Julie and Shane Freeze. Even Chun is amazed.... officer. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. CHUN (O. you're in a lot of trouble. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. vaults onto Chun.. Numerous. and grabs the MR. Zoe.a CRAZED SCREAM.
I.LATER F.B. ANGLE . CLOSE-UP . Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.B. he .I.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. GARAGE .I. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. then walks off. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. watching the FBI Agents work.rocket launcher. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. swelling with pride. This chaos is unsolvable. 103. Shane examines it. AGENT Mr. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Julie huddles with the kids. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT. AGENTS swarm the area. reaches for his radio. F. CLOSE-UP .B. SHANE Just doing my job. COP I think I'll call the FBI. You're a one-man battalion. F ..CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. that was nice work.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. Shane talks with an F. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.B. Wolfe. Agent.I..
. The Plummers hug each other. Peter.. here. Tyler. 104. I don't know.Yes.Maui? . What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. then Julie found the key. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. Her siblings. and gather around. A tear comes to her eye. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. from the safe. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. I'm on dry land. a letter. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. EXT. Julie.. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Todd. Does it itch? Yes. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. You tell me.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. On. Lulu -. say -.. Summer's almost here. SHANE . And to tell the truth. Mock-angry. I'm kinda. fallen onto the floor.I want to say: I love you more than anything. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. You're the superior office. SHANE Well.. and Julie notice... re-conning the situation. Shane looks at her. Zoe. She sees. He looks around: at the family. I always have.. He looks at Claire. THE PLUMMER HOUSE .
. The Plummers all approach. to shake his. Your work here is through. TIGHT . I'm gonna . ZOE But.. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. Like he did.his medal. sad.Sir yes sir. SHANE Your dad would be so proud.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. interrupting. Shane bawls -. A long beat. baffled. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.. For everything.SHANE This is too much. Shane. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. Julie looks up.he hugs the whole family at once. He wipes his face. Lulu turns to Shane. Thank you. He puts them down. come here you.. squeezing them off the ground. LULU This is it. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. P ETER Love you.he can't keep it in. She puts out her hand. 105. Guess you have to go now. Zoe gives them a look -. He starts to head off. He squeezes her hand around it. SHANE Ah. SHANE Claire beams.
Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. beaming with pride. She is surrounded by her children. Julie watches in astonishment. Scott: in a suit. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family." In the audience. A STANDING OVATION. BACKSTAGE . Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. rapt. Shane watches with bated breath." Hearts swell. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. VICTORIA THEATRE. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. his hair combed. Shane stands. Claire: dressed to the nines. hit your marks. In SLOW MOTION. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. You Are Sixteen begins.a Michael Jordan dunk. even Murney. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Farewell.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Todd spins. It's fantastic -. the little Brownie Troop. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. The performers take their curtain . until he sits back down. They all watch.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for.
Thundering applause. touched.html on December 9 2010 .and the house goes crazy.-The. Mission accomplished.calls. Shane smiles. He humbly steps into view -. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. THE END http://www.com/scripts/Pacifier.imsdb. FADE OUT.
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