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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. when I say it. him his oxygen.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. My way -. Plummer screams.. Up to his nose. INT. . He tries force the door open. to the roof. When it finally opens. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating.. He's gone. ON THE DECK . Do you copy? (Plummer nods. over his head. hauling the Professor up. I'm gonna get you outta here. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again.. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. EXT. But you have to do exactly what I say. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. As the water rises.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.SIMULTANEOUS 4. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. terrified. SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water.. United States Navy. but can't get free. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Shane removes his mouth piece. they're almost out of ammo.no highway option.. PLUMMER How did you know where I. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.
holding the Professor.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. INT. more!" They do. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. HELICOPTER . INT. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. clearly he loves this kind of day. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. terrified.. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. HELICOPTER . then disappear gracefully back into the water. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. SHANE INT.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. SHIP'S HOLD . 5. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. pulling the Professor in behind him..MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. OCEAN'S SURFACE . SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. and pulls himself. EXT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Hold on.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Shane takes a deep breath. He .
EXT. thank you. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. . shutting him up. She thinks I'm dead. I can't believe you.. MOUNTAIN CLEARING .beside him. waits. We have to keep moving. the Professor looks terrified. how'd we.. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.. Please. I'm just not big on chit chat. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. That was the most incredible. PLUMMER Oh my God.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. rotors whirling slowly. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Lieutenant. CHARLES I'm safe. Not imperative to the mission... Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth.. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. CHARLES Lieutenant. Charles stops Shane. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.
The briefcase pops open.. you want to see it? Negative. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. knocked unconscious. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. All goes . Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Shane looks at him. Charles dials. Todd. Tyler.couldn't crack it. Charles dials his cell phone. DEAD. RUN!!! black. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -... PAVE HAWK . that's my specialty.. then hands him his satellite phone. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. Shane considers. puzzled. PILOT sits.. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case.Charles picks up his briefcase. Peter. I do security. It's voice activated. Lulu. and talks... SHANE We're almost ready. WHAM.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. INT. I have a picture of my kids in here. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. I'm alive. back to him. Shane drops.. Designed it myself.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.
There is huge explosion. SHANE'S P. SHANE . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. I know sir. despondent. And a good friend.it hurts to salute.friendly. His arm and face bandaged.O.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. barely conscious. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. but he does it anyway. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. PAVE HAWK .7. and takes Charles' Briefcase. Bill sits down beside the bed.: Everything is a blur. He holds a REPORT in his hand. in slow-motion. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . HOSPITAL . sir. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. He looks around. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. Captain. EXT. unassuming. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. A Huey Helicopter lands.V. He takes a long look at Shane.. Everything is ablaze. as the chopper ignites.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. You're the best man I ever trained. unconscious.. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Shane reaches out. He sees Charles. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. HOSPITAL .
O. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.T. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.SHANE He had to call his family.O. BILL Not a surprise. SHANE Sir. 8. appreciate your confidence. He can't believe his good fortune. he pulls off bandages. G.S. Bill considers this. Shane sits up. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. Bill shakes his head.. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. and sits opposite Shane.S. BILL . disconnects an IV.H.. SHANE The case was empty sir. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. as I stated in my report. .. is still out there. I. really.. Invigorated.. Thank you. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.T.. He called it G. and starts to rise. He pulls up a chair. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.H. It's not that kind of mission. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.a genius.. Then.. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. disappointed. I'm gonna need the mini sub.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.
T... I need someone to stay at that house. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that.. Not even when I was a kid sir. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. Shane is surprised. top to bottom.... Maybe it is. I'll call you in an hour. call Lt. Searched the place.S. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket.) Honey. and protect them. I'm alive. I got a call from the professor's wife. I love you. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Widow.. I've never been very good with kids. SHANE'S APARTMENT . BILL . The family's scared. sir.if anything happens to me.NIGHT . She told me someone had broken into her home. CUT TO: INT. (MORE) 9. sir..Shane listens. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. intrigued. hearing the dead man's voice. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. BILL The professor's wife requested you. presses play. is in that house. Either way..O. maybe it isn't. Whoever killed the professor must think G. He's a good man. I should go. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Shane Wolfe.S. Shane is shocked. CHARLES (O.. anyway. It's just that.H. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.
) (before she sees Shane:) Look.: Julie's unkempt suburban house.. machete. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. Shane heads to the door. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. Shane looks like a bad ass. . we're not interested. SUBURBAN STREET . identical to the one he wears.then the door swings open. He looks at for a moment. Shane double-checks the address. Shane eyes Lulu. EXT. Shane frowns. Shane looks down -.and sees LULU. they all go in. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells)..s. EMALE VOICE (o. also identical to the one he wears. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. ready for anything.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Lulu eyes Shane.V. It SQUEAKS. 10. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. with toys all over the lawn..O. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. The sprinklers go off. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. 8. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. night vision goggles. Shane's P.Shane packs his duffel bag. peering up at him. Hm. He rejects it. camouflage vest. He reaches in. and pulls out a small.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
Swiss law says only his family can access it. INT.. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. The phone RINGS inside. Shane. through the kitchen window. it's Bill Fawcett. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. JULIE That's wonderful. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Helga will . and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Julie casually answers it.NIGHT Shane.the family eats dinner.. Julie and Shane share a look. with her suitcase.) There's a catch. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.. We slowly pull out.s.s. I have some potentially good news. LIVING ROOM .) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Through the window. BILL (o. INT. I think it could contain GHOST. entersJULIE I'll be there. This could all be over! BILL (o. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.) Julie. 14.s.Nighttime -.MORNING stand hug Julie. listening to the conversation..
(Worried:) But if there is an emergency. Mrs. it's my job to worry. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. do it.. No. chill. are you licensed to kill? . HELGA Everything will be fine. And guys. And on the phone.. H S . SHANE Don't worry. Plummer... ZOE Mom -. I'm gonna miss you.we'll be fine. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.handle everything. it's just.. I am a mom. Helga will take care of everything else. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. I love you guys. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do.... They'll be safe with me. I'll be back in 48 hours. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. .. And on the back door.
NIGHT Shane. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Shane heads down the hall... Gary suddenly FLIES by . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. pouring in Cheerios. INT. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. SHANE (CONT'D) . You do something. INT... Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I make bottle. when in the corner of his eye -.NIGHT hane rushes in -.WHRRP! Shane ducks. can't find him. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM... elga stomps out. on a short ladder.. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. Immediately..5. He shuts off the - .s. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane turns off the light. Shane shakes his head.
go back inside. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. fine. ZOE Okay. S COTT .. Shane runs. runs off. ZOE He's my boyfriend.BACK YARD . calling out from across the street. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Not with this kid. jumps onto the trampoline. They both tumble to the ground. SHANE So you're the one who broke in.. He's dazed. but alright.. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. 16. I'll call you. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. . come on Scott.. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.window alarm and sneaks out silently.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Shane LIFTING him in the air. tool. Zoe -. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. EXT. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager.. house like a marionette. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Zoe! .
CHUN . fuming.Zoe storms inside. The Alarm's still blaring.. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. MR. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. so we're up kind of early. Look. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. CHUN (perfect English. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. we own a bakery. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. MR. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. SHANE My apologies. Shane stands there. pop their heads out. The alarm stops. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. and we found this in our pool filter...NIGHT . I INT. Kojak. SHANE MRS. THE CHUNS. They're arguing with each other in Korean. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Oh. Shane addresses them.. A simple misunderstanding. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane's about to head inside. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff.. no accent) We speak English. Sorry.. Oh. We had an intruder. huh baby-sitter? Mr. CHUN Thanks a bunch.
Zoe falls backwards into the room. S W 1 8. Bite me! Shane frowns. Shane shuts her door. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. . Loud. to not fall over.) sing). He "hops" her down the hall to her room.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. She has to hop on one foot. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o.s.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. SHANE Not anymore. You should have told her the truth. ZOE Who do you think you are -. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane marches back down the hall. lower than the floor. continues down the hall. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. Shane flips her foot in the air.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away.
a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. INT. one step back. in bed -. The Children. warm orange light. and do the Peter Panda Dance. to their beds. Three steps forward. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times.groove. HOUSE . T Z Z T 19. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. then "crab-walks" sideways. just like the crabs do.laugh and laugh.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. EXT. Then jumps up. In the bedrooms. She does. Shane shakes his head. he wriggles on the floor. Peter in his bed. . PLUMMER HOUSE . keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.
Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. like she's been electrocuted. TODD'S ROOM .. half-asleep and angry.odd is out cold.m. disoriented. Helga runs through in hair curlers. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Todd pulls the blanket over his head.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. carrying the crying baby. Todd blinks groggily. not understanding what's happening. INT. S . HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight.. motionless.MORNING Todd sits up. oe is wrapped in blankets. You're insane. HALLWAY .CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. 20 . Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. ODD It's Sunday. Covering their ears. L Move. Move. Suddenly his door flies open -. Not in front of the kids. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.
L 21. KITCHEN .do you. lined up tallest to shortest. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.LATER The children are assembled. Your behavior is unacceptable.. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. . In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order..) Shane's jaw drops. shocked. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. No highway option. in Romanian. INT. HELGA (She curses Again...do you. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.he gives him a look of disbelief. sucking on a bottle. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. ladies.
or you're dead. Red Leader.a tense silence. Never take them off. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Everyone cracks up.(pointing) Red 1. ZOE He's in his room. INT. where's the older male? There were five. but it's locked. So you are -. Now that I know I can't trust you. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Everyone stares blankly -. S ULU (CONT'D) .. P eter farted. Shane bangs hard on it.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. End of chain. wait. I tell you what to do -. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. The panic button is only for emergencies... Touch that -.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.you better be dying. Shane bounds up the stairs. SHANE Tracking devices. Shane tries to maintain decorum. He yells at her. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. Angry. Red 2. He tries the knob.and you do it. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. he's furious.. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Red baby. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. ZOE I am not wearing that.
and Todd comes sauntering back.22.. this wouldn't have happened.. then CRASHES inward. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet.. Down the hall -. Todd nods in agreement.a FLUSH. The entire frame collapses. to her room. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Oops. hits Shane on the head. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. A piece of the ceiling falls.MORNING .NIGHT The bathroom door opens.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. the destroyed door and wall. HALLWAY . Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. and head down the hall. INT. Zoe comes up the stairs.LATER ZOE . She stops at Todd's door -. Shane steps aside. INT. I can fix this. If you'd been wearing it. He has to go.they glare at Shane. He sees Shane. patrolling. INT..
With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer.LATER . From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. He pretends to be a ghost. hard. Lulu hides behind Shane. Really? His eyes light up. PAPERBOY (O. L S 23. His head shifts.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. LULU This house is haunted. He rushes for the front door. Peter Booos again. INT. clicks his alarm remote opens it. I don't know.the rumble of a car approaching. Daddy even said so. Shane turns. HALLWAY . hey. to see that Peter is chasing her. And then it hits Shane.WHACK -. Lulu SHANE Hey. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. He said there's a ghost. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. wearing a towel as a sheet.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face.S. Peter! screams. he hears something suspicious -. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. just as -.
pushing..Shane walks slowly down the hall. When he hears an alert from his laptop. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.. Then -. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. Zoe whispers. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. scanning the ceiling. all the way down. Nothing. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. He RAPS again.. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. carrying a huge laundry basket. then turns his attention to his laptop.a creak. ZOE Here he comes. feeling. listening for hollow spaces. Shane scans it..! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. appears.ZOE AND TODD . T IGHT .. MR.. inally. She screams. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. as laundry flutters down from above. Searching. STAIRWAY . As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. He goes back to the living room. F . I INT. BANGING her head and ass on each step.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs.
EXT. mouthing along in FRENCH. He jumps to his feet. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. but can't get the page to turn.They gulp. Then looks back to the paperwork. I can't. SWISS BANK .til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. The Banker looks at him blankly. . then licks his finger to turn the page. He licks his finger again. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. this is an urgent matter. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. Not in Switzerland. looking jet-lagged. INT. Bill can't stand it anymore. BANKER Marcel! out. 25. It's taking him a LONG time. SWISS BANK . They wait patiently -. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. terrified. If we can't get some faster service. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER.DAY Establishing. He feebly gets up. ZOE Uh-oh.DAY Bill and Julie. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He seems to be about 100 years old. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. we're going to have to file a complaint.
Shane moves for the phone. He DRAGS her back. QUACKING.Another Banker. How long is that? INT. I QUIT. SHANE (CONT'D) . RING! Amid the chaos. remain calm -- 26. But I can tell you -. Oui. suitcases in hand. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.you will have access to the box tout-suite. He grabs her suitcase. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. heads to the door -. As she tries to wrestle it away. grabbing her foot.Shane tries to block her path. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. Shane picks up the receiver. HELGA I am calm. The suitcase handle breaks off. The duck flies around. JULIE Thank you. Suddenly. enters. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. Shane dives. PLUMMER HOUSE . AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader.SAME TIME Helga. and Helga dashes for the door. As soon as your background checks clear. MARCEL. Peter's in the aquarium. the chief does not speak English.
Shane hangs up the phone. 27. Shane lets go.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab.. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . that landed on a diaper. (covering the phone.Ah. Mrs. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. CRUNCH. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab.everything's fine. He picks up his hand. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Just doing my. HOUSE .. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Shane body-checks it closed. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. Plummer. Helga struggles to get him off. and Shane falls back. EXT. Plummer.. Duty. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Mrs.Helga falls forwards.. against the counter.
LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.he slowly glances up.. Helga glares back. dumbfounded. she'll come back. The 28. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. listen up. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. if she loves you. ANGLE . . He drops his head. There's been a change of plans.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. defeated.Helga jumps in the cab.. we're just gonna have some more big fun.SHANE Rises. Then -.. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. to find the kids are all gloomy. In the meantime.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. ANGLE . HOUSE . baby cries. INT.. in the rear window. SHANE Okay. takes a deep breath and strides inside. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.
and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. nice moment. INT. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. SHANE Whoa. 29.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. And then -. Only then can we rise to the challenge. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. All for one. I'm Navy. inundated. Pure self-preservation. Until -. your enthusiasm... holding his nose.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. HEY! Even Peter runs. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. takes a deep breath. CLOSE-UP .it flops open. BATHROOM . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.SHANE He gulps. Nobody will help. SShane GROANS.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. everyone bolts from the room. . repelled. Using the tools as chopsticks.
NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. over and over and over. Aghast. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. he looks around for a solution.. INT. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Lulu doesn't go away.he can't do it. 30. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. SHANE (unsure how to respond.. . She follows. then FLUSHES. I think you're cute. she just stares at him. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. he looks down to see Lulu. Shane tries approaching -. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. Lulu follows at his heels. HALLWAY . LULU Hi.) Thank you. Lulu is in her pj's. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.SHANE The things I do for my country. like a puppy. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.
Todd. 31. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry.Shane walks room to room. pulling down the shades on every window. Shane smiles. proud of his accomplishment. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. and patrols. INT. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. KITCHEN . Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet.it's time for you take a nappypoo. And I've survived off this stuff for months. like he's an idiot. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. The Kids stare at "breakfast. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. The kids sit down at their designated spots. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed." dubious. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. . all the kids asleep. little girl. All the lights are out. in beddibye land. and shuts off her light. I can get lots more of those.BREAKFAST . Lulu looks at him.
you go out. ZOE He's only two. If I say in. We're gonna pull together. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Shane turns to Lulu. He runs away. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Peter stands in his chair.. Shane answers.. too. (then:) Yes..here's how it's gonna be.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. crying. LULU . dancing. . ladies. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. I can cross my eyes... Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Your mama -.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Peter starts bawling. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. Shane sighs. if I say out. then at Tyler -.is not here to take care of you now.. And the phone rings. Wanna see? Negative.. one for all.. trying to hear over the screaming.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. So -. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. all for one... you stay in.
It hits ZERO. The Minivan skids completely sideways. EXT. into a TINY parking spot -.. dramatically unveiling Shane. and at that . backwards at sixty m. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . GARAGE . Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. He hangs up. sir.. GARAGE . innocently. Zoe smiles at him. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. I know it's Monday. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. With your . Oh.p. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. It just doesn't add up. INT. yes.9:29 A.. SHANE Not on my watch.a death defying. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. INT.. He wants to see you in his office. you and Todd are expelled.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal.h. LULU We're gonna be late. A big suburban school.M. Across his chest.. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. legal guardian. Thank you.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Shane fumbles with it for a while. He said if you're late again. EXT.. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. perfect parallel park... PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .
You're in my house now. She's attractive. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Murney is unimpressed. Well. The Kids are seated around him. Looks like Mrs. mortified. boy. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Top to bottom. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. as he plays on the floor. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE .. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. they needed a parole officer. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. . MURNEY aby-sitter huh. They're the worst students in my school. Murney is furious. tough. Lieutenant. conduct and truancy. Out of twenty-three. Plummer finally listened.P in charge of discipline. K thru 12.moment. Shane. He withers. a few days. assured. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. holding Peter on a harness. He glares at Shane. too. I coach wrestling. V. whatever work you can get. I'm Murphy. The Kids crack up. He's HUGE and mean.. Duane. son? SHANE Wolfe. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.
He exits.. The opens the door for Murney. Shane checks his TRACKER -. She told me all about you. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . BELL rings..two little red DOTS move away. (then. What are you doing in my office. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining.. fuming. Principal Claire eyeballs him. staring him up and down. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Claire sees this -. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. You see. Lieutenant.. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. SHANE Red 1. I am in charge of. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. The teens hustle off to their classes. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Plummer. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. that as vice principal. impressed. I think I can handle this from here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. as he casually holds the three kids.Good morning kids. Plummer called my captain. Red 2. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.and suddenly reacts.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. Get moving. Mrs. 34. Good.
SHANE . Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.. Courage. dead serious. That's the way I live my life. So. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". SHANE . Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.MID-MORNING seeShane. The 35. Claire looks nervously around... SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. Service paid for my college.. and the way I run my school. She lifts her pants leg.(Shane nods. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. to balance Shane.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. SHANE "Honor. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. Welcome aboard. On the spot. Just try not to frighten the children. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. SHANE Can't be too careful..
. .last time: Open the hanger. delighted...V.V. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. Now -. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. BINOCULARS P. one. two.O. He turns to the person front of him. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. with stern intensity. sitting in the back row of a class. 36 . Black Hawk coming in. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Todd.Clean as a whistle. Beside Shane. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. INT.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Save us both a world of pain.. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. He checks his tracking device. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Todd. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. like a tether ball. Official Business. yanks his hood over his head. SHANE Give up now. turns her back to him embarrassed. picks up a pair of binoculars. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Lulu sees Shane and waves.O. Zoe. CAFETERIA . in line to get lunch. does the same. Shane closes the computer.: Five hundred students eat at long tables.
SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. ignoring him. Principal Claire smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Seriously. you know. Tyler laughs. He yanks Tyler away from him.Tyler gurgles. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -.. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. you don't. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. with milk. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. Claire smiles. You're on dry land. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. (she looks at his chair) Well. 37. SHANE Hey -. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. When you agreed to serve your country. Oh. Shane sighs. I guess.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.I out rank you. man... huh? Shane gives her a look. Mr. lieutenant. Sure. Can I call you Shane? . (she toasts.) Shane. I'm impressed.but you're pretty good at this.. not so dry where you're sitting.. . A whole day..
in the crowd. Zoe. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. cheering. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. As soon as they see the Principal. impressed. Personally . but not stopping it. I don't care who starts it. MURNEY He did. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. MURNEY You heard the lady. and the sound of Students in an uproar.. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. (Todd) 38. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. and "punches fists" with him.. Murney smirks. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. INT.. the crowd freezes. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. next week's tournament is off. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.That's.. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. LUNCH-LINE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. unusual. Look at him. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. VP Murney is watching.
. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Sorry. Murney. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Todd lunges at him. SHANE . Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. promise I'll go easy on you. Maybe you could stop by practice. I forgot you had to baby-sit. sir. Maybe some other time then..total control.I think that's a little harsh. Murney approaches Shane.Todd lands on his feet.. MURNEY Pretty slick. what do you say? Come on.. MURNEY Oh. Nice moves. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. sticking the landing.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. (low. Frogman -. I'm on duty.I'm a black belt myself. SHANE . yeah. man. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. . the crowd breaks up. He'd kill you so fast. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. 39 . S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. The Bell rings. That's right. flinch. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Boys'll be boys. Don't even think it. stopping an inch from Shane's head.
aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . holding Tyler out like a grenade. another dollar twenty. It leads him to a door. Shane recoils in disgust. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. He bursts though it. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Have fun. as he keeps watch. Roger that.Tyler's diaper is full. for one who'll eat. following his tracking device.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Tyler is crying. minus taxes. Not my job. SHANE Oh -.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Bathroom's down the hall. Just then. Emergency! SHANE INT.. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.INT. Panicked.. The Principal strolls up. and not cry.change him. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. doing a shoulder roll.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Lt.CONTINUOUS . 40.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall.. Uh. Then Shane smells what she means -.. But. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF.
the Class applauds. through the fence. He speeds away after them.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Thanks. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . are heading away from the school fast. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . HALLWAY . He leaps out of the minivan. Shane lands in fight stance -.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. EXT. At that moment. but the FINAL BELL rings. CONSTRUCTION SITE . He hands her to the Principal. I INT. almost tipping the minivan. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. with the Panic Button in her hand.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. EXT. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. They make a sharp right. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. EXT. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. Shane makes a right.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe .MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Shane is furious. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. racing down the road ahead of Shane. SHANE EXT. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He blasts through a red light.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. BUSY INTERSECTION . Lulu is in front of the class. 41.
SQUISHY footsteps. IN THE MANHOLE . all brandishing tools. INT. Shane easily takes them out. then checks the tracker -. Shane trudges through the river of muck. .then gasps -. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. they hear the front door open. He winces. From outside.then RUN. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. then checks his tracker. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.the DOTS are CLOSE.section. ANGLE . A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane pries off the manhole cover. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. feet away. INT. Shane lowers himself down. SEWER . He catches his breath. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. and the sound of OMINOUS. PLUMMER HOUSE . you're about to get a beat down. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. and charges through.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.LIVING ROOM . He takes a deep breath and dives under. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. No sweat.It's dark and dank. It's horrific. Three Workers rush him. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.SHANE He's alone. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.
looking like a Swamp Creature. thank you.LATER Shane is in the shower.. .Then the door swings open.p. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. KITCHEN . 43 INT. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. weird hair. Call. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. Zoe fixes her hair. BACK YARD . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. with a smirk. INT. The Cop leaves. The Cop looks at them. Ditto. The Cop turns to Shane.. Covering her nose.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. INT. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.b.. The smell is BAD. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. Zoe checks him out as he goes.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. If you need anymore help. then covers their noses.. use our nonemergency number. he doesn't say anything. She practically GAGS as she passes him. BATHROOM .. revealing Shane. 16 year old female. Todd stiffens. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. . Everyone gasps. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.
Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. They won't be home `til ten.Shane enters.. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. it's Monday. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. INT. You gotta help me out. in just a towel.) Get rid of them. If we don't sell enough cookies. they're staring at him. The Brownies applaud. FAMILY ROOM . They already think I'm a loser. Mom's our den mother. 4. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. 4 . LULU I can't. close to tears. cringing in disgust. LULU We have to. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. He sees on the fridge. and if we can't go to the Jamboree.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. Lulu starts to sniffle. pulling Lulu after him. Shane.S.all junk food. (whispers:) Come on. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .. Monday. and whistle. SHANE (O. And it's not like I have any other friends. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. we can't go the Jamboree. He looks at it.
" paces in front of the Brownie Troop. SHANE Alright. BROWNIE Den Mother? . I'm gonna be your den -commander.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Now -. ZOE .. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. getting ready to go. ladies. Shane blows passed her. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. I'm scared of you. he's a total psycho. LIVING ROOM . INT. unpacking boxes of cookies.Lulu's about to burst into tears. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. Shane ushers the Troop out the door.. then drills it into place.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH.. at attention.. They are assembled. .he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. yeah. ZOE'S BEDROOM .wait here..MOMENTS LATER Shane. back in "uniform. Here's how it's gonna be. Shane sighs. INT. Zoe's on the phone. Tonight. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. Indian Style. do as I say. KITCHEN . INT. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. He's not just locking them -. SHANE Good.. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. the other to his back.
..... GROCERY STORE . ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. I dunno if that's a good idea.. Zoe picks up the phone.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. EXT. the camera CRANES up to. Snack packs. GROCERY STORE .nothing even looks like food. he's got us on lock-down.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. ZOE .. EXT. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. He sees: a huge. it's like Oz or something. Scott. I can see you through the window.PARKING LOT . He smiles. He looks around at the bright.. but if anything happens.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. 4 EXT. No. GROCERY STORE ."what are you. but they're . Tyler looks at him -. INT. as he pushes a cart into the store. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. NOTHING looks familiar -. GROCERY STORE .. DRIVEWAY .. (she listens:) Hm.. nuts?" EXT. hits speed-dial. SHANE I gotta get supplies. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know.5.
SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT.. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. The Cub Scouts high-five. GROCERY STORE . and lets her go. chubby CUB SCOUTS. One The Brownies take off running. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. One of the Brownies spots something. He rips it open. He laughs. you Skeever? . EXT.. 46 BROWNIE Oh no.noticing very shy. In their place are the Chubby Scouts.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. Finally. but can't get away. they're back... of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. I haven't seen anybody. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. . SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . menacingly. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.she tugs and tugs. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. clutching their boxes.. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.. before I get my face punching badge on you.
He wears . Not cookies. The Brownies are huddled behind it. you're supposed to take us to dinner. The Brownies scream.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Shane's monitor starts beeping. CHEESE . Where? SHANE INT. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. trembling. CHUCK E.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. EXT.2ND SCOUT Nope. Get in the car. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. He firmly tells Lulu. He bends down. and points at Lulu's Panic button. Cheese MANAGER.A LITTLE LATER . Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. He heads toward the Scouts. we're going home. If I don't come back -avenge my death. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. PARKING LOT . You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .22's. 47. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. I'm here to protect you. Around his neck.
. Cheese! Wider reveals. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. A LITTLE LATER: 48. On stage. which causes him to lisp. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.braces and head-gear. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Shane's watching Peter. the Chuck E. this much cyanide. ... the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.... Lulu approaches. The Manager approaches Shane. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese automaton band JAMS. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. playing video games and ball. This much The Manager laughs. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle.CHAOS. skee Brownies are running around.
LULU The Hulk can. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. He checks over his shoulder -. He steps up to the machine. Shane even get one punch in -. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. then kicks him in the face. and then a kick in the face. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. The second round starts. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Shane is taking it really seriously. I thought you liked combat. He cracks his knuckles.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. stretches. They begin.. Unless you're scared. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. kneels on his head. Lulu screams out with her fighter. My joystick's broken. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. Lulu picks a small female character.. . in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . spins her.LULU I pressed two player. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Then he a joy stick. Round three starts. then cracks her in half over his knee. SHANE That's not fair. He's really mad.she pins him to the ground. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.
SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. while he pounds the buttons. PLUMMER HOUSE . swinging and missing. He and the Brownies sneak away.. oops too slow. leaving the sizzling machine. come on -. Shane's really fuming... HOTEL ROOM .. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. it's my job to worry. It's really annoying. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING... LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. LULU Too slow. LULU You're not even trying. but he can't hit her... Lulu's having fun now. 50. INT. ZOE Mom -. jumping. dancing. ZOE . swing and a miss. slamming buttons. He is KO'd.LIVING ROOM . the Zhouse is quiet.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. Sparks fly. Shane's working the joy stick hard.... its joystick dangling by its wires. She keeps dancing.. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.stop worrying..take a shot.. INTERCUT WITH: INT.
CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). we're okay. I hate leaving you. I love you. loads Brownies into the minivan. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE I know..The Plummer House: . JULIE It's only a few more days. And the folks who read my BLOG. up. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. everything's cool.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. who doesn't seem concerned at all. She turns to Scott.Seriously. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. VARIOUS SHOTS . The guy's just a control freak. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. Zoe rolls her eyes. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. not cool. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. . MALL PARKING LOT .in my cell. INT.. ZOE Dude. this is outta hand. kids everywhere.LIVING ROOM . ZOE Dude. but you know I have to do this. counting them. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. Don't worry. EXT. 51. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .
. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. He's holding the diaper. CHEESE . to leave a man behind like that. S 52. again. He holds his breath.for a long time.they almost always do. SHANE Inexcusable. The Manager is watching him.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. Not okay. INT. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. and goes down for the diaper. Suddenly. is fine.not okay. move. freestyling in the ball pool -. Silence. out away from him. He disappears under the balls -. He's still down there. We see what he forgot: PETER... CHUCK E. Whoa.Move. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. He charges across the room with the diaper. SHANE .. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. the Brownies follow. SUBURBAN ROAD .MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.LATER .. move! Go go! EXT. gasping. Shane grimaces. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. MANAGER Relax. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -.
as he pulls up in the Minivan.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. INT. Outraged. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. PLUMMER HOUSE .CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. CLUB lock off the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.. Party's over. Now. He protectively guides them past the craziness -..'s turntables. chugging drinks.J.. He gets out -. at a full run.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Reeling. Shane takes Lulu. 53. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. trying to understand. Scott. EXT. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.. a total wreck.then CRUSHES the ball. we're gonna do this . Peter and Tyler up the path. peeing in the bushes. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare.. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. scared.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors...and groans in disbelief. windows. Shane snatches it mid-air -. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. vents.. jocks throwing footballs. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. making out. PLUMMER HOUSE .KITCHEN . SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. then RUN. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.
He holds it up to a KID.CONTINUOUS . he takes it off. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLUMMER HOUSE . Scott gulps . Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. It reads: GHOST. CUT EXT. Shane goes over them. furiously clean. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.... TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Clean. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling... and rubs his finger UNDER IT. Oh my god. residue. INT.then he notices something.my way -. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. in Playtex gloves. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. straightening -. mopping.. and walk out of sight.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. He hands Scott the mop.no highway option. INT. trying to maintain his dignity. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. He lifts the sofa. ladies. labeled with a Sharpie. as kids clean. PLOP. Scott and Zoe. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. They see Shane find the CD. through binoculars. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . In a bathroom. Shane's eyes narrow. Miserable TEENS scrub.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. He fumes.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.
Zoe blows past him -. PLUMMER HOUSE .. and screams in Shane's face. Rambo. Shane stands.. He heads upstairs. Lulu's crying. They show no respect for you or your house. INT. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Shane hands her a handkerchief. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. You're like a robot. where she throws up. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. downstairs! He walks down the hall.. shaky and furious. Shane .ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE . she pukes again. helpless. ueasy. (Announces:) Company. ZOE I do too respect myself.into the bathroom. Because you have no respect for yourself. outside the bathroom door.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Todd picks her up. Zpounding on doors. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. you hate us. Zoe gets up. Scott's the last one to leave.. Thanks a lot. sits down. After a beat. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. My friends will never come here again. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. CUT TO: EXT. furniture polished.
fiercely -. Suddenly.. They leap down after him.they're good.. TWO NINJAS. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. all in black BURST in through the window. as soon as your mom comes back. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. pounding him with their .. talking doesn't do any good.55. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. SHANE You're right. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. I'm not the man for this job.hand it over! staffs.the power goes out. I'm gone. SHANE Puberty. close-quarters and fast.the three fight. NINJA GHOST -. Red 1... Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. The Ninjas attack. Suddenly -. Shane spins in fight-stance. He goes down. Not even from the enemy. tired) It's Scott. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Don't worry. Go to your rooms. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Wielding with great skill.
knocking him into. Shane fends the Ninjas off. and grabs it. With his foot. facing them. a squeezes . It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. and uses them both to fend off blows. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. it makes a silly thunk.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. . several FURBIES hit the floor.. They step back. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane crashes down.. Shane runs to the changing table.. fiercely. He pulls the string. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes.. blinding him.then the Ninjas charge. SHANE Okay -.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. avoiding Legos. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. 56 INT. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. he hits a Ninja in the head. toys fly.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. and flings them all over the floor. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.. The Ninjas move towards him -. PLAYROOM . then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. WHACK. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER..
Shane isn't sure what to do. SHANE Shhh.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. bawling. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE... fearful. TODD Who were they? What did they want. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. quietly knocks... He runs to the broken window. You can open up. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. Kids. he hugs Peter and Lulu. that your father invented.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. blinded. He A long pause -. and Shane sees he's now alone.. Shane approaches Zoe's door. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.. He really hugs them. The cloud dissipates. He sprays it in Shane's face. Shane bangs the window sill. disappointed to have lost them.. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.SHANE 57.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them..then the door creaks open. It's okay. He hugs them. INT. .. Then. terrified. SHANE It's safe. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. Todd and Zoe enter. ANGLE . He squints. HALLWAY . Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER.
. as long as I'm here. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. And I'm not going anywhere. Then. and do what I say. "Unchained Melody. He looks Zoe.then they hug him. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. I'll listen to you too. Zoe answers it.they all jump. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.a long pause. From now on. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. They want this.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. absolutely nothing pottery . too.. CLOSE-UP . you listen to me. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. Soon. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. startled.. The kids shudder. relieved.. eye to eye. Shane is furious -. it's been a long night.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Shane offers his hand to shake. INT. LIVING ROOM . Deal? Truce -." And then. all smiles.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. They hug him tighter. the other kids join in. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. SHANE They're not after you. But nothing's gonna happen to you.. They shake -. 58. Then.
They're gone. SHANE No . It looks like some kind of "key". We found something in the box. She holds up the strange. students run in to school.MORNING Early morning.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. but they didn't find it. Plummer. everyone's fine. Shane takes the phone. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. yes and no. Nope. But we're not sure what it is.. two men tried to get into the house tonight. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. EXT.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. HOTEL ROOM ..happened you should worry about. SHANE (very genuine) . SHANE Mrs. and Shane emerges with the five kids.we'll be just fine. You have any luck? JULIE Well. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. SCHOOL . Don't worry -. We just don't know what its for.. The minivan pulls up.. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. INTERCUT: INT. They were looking for GHOST.it's okay... . metal two pronged KEY. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days.
then BRAKES. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. car -. shaking his head. Shane nods.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Lulu's classmates all chant. a crazed TEACHER next to her. reacting each time she HITS the gas.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. He is gesticulating.DAY Driver's Ed. They look concerned. Zoe sits in a folding chair. Shane stands off to the side. ANGLE on Shane. Principal Claire next to him. ANGLE on Lulu. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. Murney stands. I know it's good. He dips an INT. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. sunglasses on..she'll pay for the damage. egg in some purple dye. An obstacle course with cones. HITS the gas. squashed at a little desk. she wrecked a driver's Ed. and smiles at Shane. MURNEY . So. SCREAMING. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. . LULU'S CLASSROOM ." Then.. SCHOOL PARKING LOT .LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. THE GYM . LULU'S CLASSROOM . then BRAKES. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan.. mortified.INT. EXT. Peter 60 She smiles. making a mess of an egg.. "yeah. SHANE Don't worry. who sits in the back.
Shane scowls...but this is just sick..I'm a bit concerned. No.. giving him a "skinhead" look.it's the boy. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. He does always miss sixth period. 61. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. SHANE He's not a NAZI. Shane gives Zoe a look. but -. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.. Todd and Zoe stand to go. it's not that -. (pulls Shane aside. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. . Zoe shrugs.. But this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return..That? Lady drivers. boys will be boys -. Shane stops. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.yes. I was doing a little recon in his locker.. Todd enters.. And that's not all. what's going on. and Shane walks them out. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. and I'm not sure what to do.) See if you can talk to the boy. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.. what do you expect. Murney calls into the hallway.
) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back.that whole family's no good. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. MURNEY You're a good man. Shane walks the kids out. SHANE Another time. huh? (Shane ignores him. and keeps walking. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. as he passes. if you ask me.. kicking him in the BACK. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. SHANE I'll talk to him. maybe. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . and Murney chases after him. I promise I won't hurt you. Shane trips forwards to his knees. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Shane. I'll show you a couple moves. Without warning..who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. and leaps at Shane. stretching. MURNEY It's a date then. 62.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. Kung team: Shane walks away. and leaves. Murney laughs. we'll give these boys a treat. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats.
far down the block. preheat the oven. he can see Todd. Todd runs towards the house. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. The window is wide open. EXT. and snickers to his Team. Shane looks out the window -. It's small for him. running around the corner. you're in charge. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Nothing. signal me. He enters. SHANE Wait Todd. keeping the contact. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door..A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.. Shane parks. PLUMMER HOUSE . He sees Zoe. He starts to shut the window. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Murney his head. Shane screws the window shut. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house.shakes Shane turns back. with a flowered basket. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Keep all doors sealed. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. do your homework. but he . TODD'S ROOM . and leaves. so the alarm didn't go off. but instead he takes a deep breath. INT. On the corner. It's pink. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. peering out her window. I want to talk to you. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. It looks like Shane might fight. SHANE Smart kid. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. Shane hops out the window.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
. SHANE COMPANY -. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. LIESL We don't have a director. Todd looks devastated -. girls'll think I'm. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. it's over.. Chicks dig guys who can dance..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. weird or something? 66 . OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. Liesl chimes in..... TODD . Shane straightens up. Todd looks up at Shane.. Shane shakes his head. Shane looks at the Cast.What if..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Shane's glare.. show's off. they quickly assemble on stage. BEAT. or not? Everyone nods. He smiles. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. they're not sure what to do. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.
ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I know it's no big deal.Yes. I don't know why I let it get to me. SHANE . I won't touch him... PLUMMER HOUSE . It's stupid. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. ZOE ..What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. INT..just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. another girl picked up the phone. He peeks in -.. He hears Zoe in her room. Shane exits. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. SHANE Okay..UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. No wait! . BREAKING something. He turns out the light.. INT.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. I promise. I called him in his room. furious. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.LATER . YES WHAT? SHANE ... LULU'S ROOM . Scott. angrily.
Shane tucks Lulu into bed. ULU Tell me a story. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into... Once there was a family of Elves.. As Shane finishes the story. Shane looks at her surprised. So -they waited for cloud cover. Went into the magic forest.Uh. To find a secret gnome. and they came in from the north. the little Elf family -. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. setting up the scene with DOLLS. facility. (MORE) T S L 8. Uranium. He sits on the bed. Stumped.... By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. I 6 .so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. The elves had to go in and take it out. on Lulu's floor. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. he illustrates. Let's see..
INT. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Even.Rodriquez.. head in the door.. He made it up for him. Peter starts bawling. . TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.. SHANE Oh.. lower than the floor. I can't remember that thing... Then... or he won't stop. c'mon. from across the hall. Todd calls from the doorway. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. and do the Panda Dance.mean standing. NURSERY . And not one Elf got left behind that day.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Like dad used to do.. And you ain't got a chance. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. and whispers to Peter. We got `em all. The wails get louder and LOUDER. TODD You have to do the dance. Peter WAILS. Shane sighs... Lulu's fallen asleep. TODD I'll write it down for you. S 69..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. the teeniest little elf of all -.
through the mirror. PLUMMER HOUSE . just like the crabs do. Shane. He sings again. Humiliated. She gets out in shock. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. T the A 70. They turn to Zoe.) EXT. Zoe realizes he's staring at her.MORNING . SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. (Tyler in the snuggle). . Chun. SHANE Today you drive. The Kids sit bolt upright. Peter applauds. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Lulu is next to him. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.. terrified. with her Gameboy. Chun gets his paper.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. staring. GARAGE . SHANE What are you looking at? INT.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. mortified. Zoe and Peter are half asleep.. Shane turns and catches Mr. He does the dance as he sings. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan.Shane sighs. Shane crab-walks sideways. Shane hops forward three times. (He does. and gets in the driver's seat...
MINIVAN . Shane is nervous... I trust you. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.ZOE But -. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Zoe backs jerkily out. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. Shane is shaky.. Keep going. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. not the road. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. S P .I can't even pass driver's Ed. no. The Kids share a dubious look. Lulu and Todd are terrified. INT. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving... The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Zoe is surprised.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Touched. but trying not to show it. Exactly. She pulls out. jerkily.
Shane jumps out of the car. She's wearing a cute dress. Scott's terrified. being obnoxious. KIDS boisterously run past. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. Do we understand each other? Scott nods.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. with a few FRIENDS. Shane spots something. Chastened. 1500 hours. Suddenly -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. and a little make-up. INT. Next lesson. SHANE Good. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him.71. laughing.. Claire strides into view. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.. CAFETERIA . Broken promises lead to broken legs.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. hey head into the school. Shane unclenches his teeth.. terrified. Before Scott knows what's happened. Zoe smiles.. ZOE Ha ha ha. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . the kids gulp and orderly march away. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Shane's . Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. severe stare) Now. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Very funny. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. trembling. EXT.Claire BARKS out. Shane lets him down and heads into school. almost tapping a bus's rear fender.
. She's waiting for him to say. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. Suddenly. S T P . Principal Claire sighs "not again. him by the ear.eyes alight. dragging . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well.. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. S he sits beside him.. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Love it when he does that." In one move. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. something. you never know who you're going to run into. Shane leaps over the table. and offers him a milk. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . He smiles back.. too. impressed. SHANE hey eat in silence.. She smiles. Wow. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. It's a miracle.. sailor? Thanks.
. Todd looks.. intimidated. boy. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back.. I want to sing. No one's sure they heard him right. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. What're you so scared of. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. Freak? The Students snicker. MURNEY Winners never quit. Yeah I do. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Then: TODD I am not scared. I'm right here. I quit. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. M 73. MURNEY I've had it.. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Talk. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Silence. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to.. Murney. Murney turns around. I. now it all makes sense. It opens Friday. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. TODD Hey. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.Murney shoves Todd forward.
MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. He storms out. M urney looks over at the Team. Your ass is mine. Murney did not expect to be called out. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. furious -URNEY So -. swarm Todd. Let's do it. There is a stunned moment -. TODD There is a man in my house -. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. They look to the ground sheepishly. protecting him. The Gym.face to face. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. taking flyers.it reads: . Everyone is watching. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. humiliated. You win.Shane steps them.me. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. Murney looks around. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. You suck. His voice cracks -. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. it's scary S 74.and then a mob of Students. So calm. Todd's telling the truth. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. The whole team wants to quit. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear.
BAM. shocked. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. mumbling something.sending him right into the wall. quietly twitching on the ground. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. and they head out. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Todd cheers Shane on. Murney bounds to his feet."Murney's getting his ass kicked. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. S 75. Shane side-steps. GYM . 3:00. grabs onto Murney's waist. Murney. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Todd flops to the mat. M URNEY on." INT. and sweeps Murney -. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Shane throws an arm around Todd. rushes Shane. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through.3:00 mat. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Murney lands on his back. WHAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. hard. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands.
They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . TO: EXT. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. LULU We're Brownies. When I Rwanda. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. fascinated. that's all. The crowd cheers. Todd. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. If you're not sure. They walk out. Claire. I got my troops waiting. BUGS. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it.Dislocated nerve. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. No brownies edible. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. She gives him a thumbs up. . FOREST . too. TODD That was awesome. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. 76 SHANE either.
" INT.she hits EVERY ONE -. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. INT. in between punches.. PUNCH. NURSERY .EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Shane holds a stopwatch... He laughs at his own joke. and.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. the Girls PUNCH.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. The Kids don't get it. PLUMMER HOUSE . she burns rubber. KICK.FRONT LAWN . MALL PARKING LOT . BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. he reaches out and rocks it. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. EXT. KICK. Zoe . It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. The Duck watches all this -. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. and races through a slalom of orange cones -..He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.fascinated. In unison. here at the top of the stairs.. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. OLD FACTORY . here. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. He illustrates the stage directions. in perfect tempo. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. EXT. PUNCH. He signals her. MALL PARKING LOT .we'll put Von Trapps here..DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.
They watch closely. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.DAY -"1. The Brownies attack. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches." Lulu. T I E 77. she only clips one. mercilessly. EXT. EXT. OLD FACTORY . INT. MALL PARKING LOT . PLUMMER HOUSE . but doesn't fall. ODD .. EXT.. PLUMMER HOUSE . blur. Shane gives her a signal. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.BACK YARD .FRONT LAWN ..NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. it teeters. in we WIDEN back. NURSERY . Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. He counts begins wriggling free.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.out and weaves the cones. Hands a T . INT. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled... your life little girl.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.3..2..
SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Again. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 8.huh? Now." Singing and doing all the moves -. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. NURSERY .NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. Graceful. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. now and then. He kisses Peter on the forehead. Then he tucks Peter in. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. odd tries the spinning kick.he's got it down. But sweet dreams. adding a James Brown flourish. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. INT. Graceful. SHANE I'm not your daddy. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night.hard. He does a spin kick. Peter Panda. Todd tries the kick. he almost bursts into tears. THUD! Gazelle. but blows it. Shane is so touched. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Peter.EVENING . daddy. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. Peter.
S SHANE That's my troop. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. scary. striking a cool pose. As he's comparing prices -. INT. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. The .they LAUGH.CONTINUOUS Shane shops.in a FLIP. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.. the Other Scouts are scared. see them. but like lightning.he sees. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . You're gonna have to pay for that. He smiles. proud. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. The Scout struggles. 9. tying him. the Chubby Cub Scouts. at their own table.. wearing the double snuggle. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.MOMMY! She lets him go -. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. she wraps it around his arm. FORMATION. Across the lot. In one move.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. The Scouts share a look -. he lands on the ground hard.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
OE I never even got to say good bye. the kids are all abuzz. She throws her arms around Shane. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.SHANE He's left alone. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. Shane answers it. HOTEL . ANGLE . WITH: J INT. HALLWAY .LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . The phone rings. we're on the first plane in the morning.soldier. EXT. talking excitedly. INT. happy.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. J 82. BACK YARD . JULIE The red tape is cleared up. A tear runs down Zoe's face.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.
. He pets the Duck. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. INT. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Suddenly. Kids to play S . Shane sighs morosely. SHANE Just another assignment. No reason for personal attachments. your wings aren't clipped. with.NIGHT hane turns the light on. GARAGE . hane rises. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.The house is dark.. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. unblinking. Shane turns. the Duck starts quacking. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. he Duck stares. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Three squares a day. Gary sits in the next chair.
Shane looks on stunned. No hinges or cracks..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Nothing. Lulu hands him a tool. unsuccessfully. he floor opens. leading below the garage... SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Shane steps down it. The Kids are watching his progress.. He's been trying. . He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. TO: to S 84.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. GARAGE .. shines it down the grate.. we see a CRANK WHEEL.. The wheel spins. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. crack the lock all night. The break in its surface is a strange. INT. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. only It's solid and inscrutable. and then it gives. Shane dials a phone. DISSOLVE INT.SHANE What happened. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . He tries muscles rippling..
he answers it.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. CHUN CUT BACK . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. GARAGE . Silently spying on Shane. I think I found GHOST. An ominous pause. pleased. Then we slowly MOVE UP.Lulu.. I've been trying all night. SEDAN . Okay. BILL . and hangs up. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Bill's cell phone rings. towards the neighbor's house. GHOST.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. TO: INT.EXT. Everyone reacts happily. sir. GARAGE . Bill reacts. Away from Shane. Through a window. Julie sits beside him.. can't crack it.. TO: INT. relieved.. Except for -..MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. It's in a steel vault. After we turn this in to my CO. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. W e PUSH INTO the house.don't do anything `til I get there. Do you have it? SHANE No. We'll be there shortly -. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. She looks stricken.. MRS. don't do anything further. excited.
Lulu? You should be happy. LULU But.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. The rug is vacuumed.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. J JULIE'S P. Shane -. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.. KIDS VOICES .O.. so they probably trashed the place. in the next room.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. I 85. INT. The fish tank is clear. She trails off. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. should be home soon. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). Kids singing a beautiful.they hear.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP ..: The house is spotless. comes into the dark hall. HOUSE . he has no answer. Tongue-tied.SHANE He goes silent. Bill is carrying her suitcases. JULIE'S HOUSE .V.. SHANE You guys better get ready. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. in shock. Julie and Bill hop out.
Lieutenant. Bill steadies her. INT. KITCHEN . Zoe is in a conservative dress. Lulu has bows in her hair.. Dumb-struck. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.(singing.. smiling. She sees. then salutes back) Good job. S SHANE Captain... with songs they have sung. featuring Todd. Shane sees Bill enter.. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. no dishes in the sink.. Across the room. 8 JULIE almost faints.. picture- . BILL (he smiles wryly. Julie goes to the. INT. DINING ROOM .CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. ZOE Welcome home. ( B 6. for a thousand years. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Peter is fresh faced. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. mom.. a capella) . Julie starts bawling.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. She staggers to.
MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . And I think I want to explore that some more.. GARAGE . SHANE That's kind of you. Shane continues. Bill stops.INT. Don't get me wrong. BILL I should hope not.. all I've never known is the military. Bill holds the pronged key.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. S S 87. ILL I'm really proud of you. reluctant. anywhere you want. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. You just name it. Sir. Suddenly.. surprised.. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. pause) But I'll have to think about it. an ANGRY VOICE. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Shane. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.
. There were delays. Mrs.. Disoriented. Chun comes closer. SHANE'S POV woozy. Things are spinning. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. startled.. and starts to fall.. B 88.. He is losing consciousness.Shane and Bill spin. while SLAMMING their heads together..SHANE Lights out. Chun. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. He turns. and Mrs. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Mr. he looks up as he drops.. He takes a submissive position. MRS. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Shane shoots Bill a glance. . hane takes control! He smiles. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. GUNS DRAWN. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. then passes out. Shane peers in confusion... CLOSE-UP . startled. relishing a second of glory -..when suddenly. reaching for Bill's key. confused.
Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. JULIE I trusted you. ILL North Korea pays better. Chun approach the steel door.DAY Shane lies unconscious.BLACK. Chun) Keep an eye on them.. The floor is covered with square tiles. 9. Bill checks the knots binding the children. scared. exit. He GAGS the kids. They anxiously tiptoe.. GARAGE . INT.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. INT. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Peter has a JUICE BOX. FADE IN: INT. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. You -.. reaching. The Kids are furious. 8 Bill grins. and it CLICKS. with two . Inside is a dark corridor. then slides OPEN! enter. Charles trusted you. Beside the safe is a red switch. tied up. livid. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Bill and Mrs. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.with me. The Korean Man (Mr. (to Mr.. They whimper. The door HUMS. They THE VAULT! Spare. NURSERY . bright and white.. Bill and Mrs. Julie glares.. closing the window shades. Chun) secures the room. So did the Department of Defense.
.SAME TIME Mr.the Kids look innocent. low-pitched HUM.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.S. quickly assuming a fake bound position. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. she unties Zoe! Then -. like a monstrous computer.. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. MR. horrified -. Mr. It's set on ARMED. Chun is Bokay. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. The air is filled with an ominous. completely SINGED OFF. MRS. Chun whirls -. Mrs. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. CHUN Just. CHUN But I've got some C4. INT. but the of her jacket is on fire. eyeballing them icily.. had eyebrows. HOUSE .and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. as if she hadn't moved. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. she hits her panic button! O. Chun guards the kids.. Lulu frowns. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. Lulu "looks" scared. off shoulder eyebrows. With a rapid blur of finger-work.. the Chun spins. then Mr. Mr. But behind her back.. done. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. Tyler GASPS.needing a distraction. MRS. startled -. then leans back against Zoe.. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. She confidently strides toward the safe -. Bill eyes the safe. He sneers. BEEPING. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" .
He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's face. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun scowls. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up..W Z 90. he drops to his knees in pain. They untie Julie. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Lulu runs.. Chun's head. Mr. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun looks at Lulu. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. HAM without warning.. It HURTS. Mr. snake-like move. when he's at her level.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun's leg. Chun laughs: MR. . Mr. BEHIND TODD . CHUN That's cute. he steps closer. Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Skeptical. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. she KICKS him right in the nuts.. then. slamming the door behind her.
Chun punches the door. Chun's face.. INT. I INT. INT..CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . clutching her! The .CONTINUOUS Mr.doorknob.. his face COATED in white. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .. DONNGGG -. He yells out furious! MR.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall.. but the door won't budge. NURSERY . a HAND suddenly GRABS her. Bill lurches into view.CONTINUOUS Mr. making a small hole..but as Julie exits. they're trapped inside. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. She SCREAMS.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. INT. Chun falls back from the door. FRONT DOOR . He sticks his face out the hole. M E M 91. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. NURSERY . He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.
. speaking in Korean: RS. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away...as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. CHUN Chun falls. Chun THE RADIO. . HOUSE . CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. unsure. MINIVAN .kids are horrified. EXT. Chun comes racing around the house -. They start to run back. INT. then nod and run to the side garage. MR. She floors it. they're not going anywhere. ARGHH! driveway. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. HOUSE .CONTINUOUS r. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.I've got the keys. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. Mrs.. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. Chun listens to Mr.
.Charles didn't tell me about the room.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. Then. INT. holding a military RADIO.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. gaining on them. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. Julie GASPS.. VAN . I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Don't make me kill you too. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Mrs.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. chilled. INT. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. It's getting old. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. Chun exits the vault. They step past Shane's body. a CRACKLING of static. oe runs a yellow. leading her to the secret door. GARAGE . B . lying on the concrete.
. The men stare down. I'll get you in. MRS.. He does something we can't see. to cut them off! INT.he clicks "talk" on the radio. Bring them back unharmed. emotional. ZOE .93. Bill deciding if he can trust him.Shane is standing in the doorway. they might wreck... ANGLE .S.) Bill. EXT. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. BILL Change of plan.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. as Zoe drives. Then -. Chun zooming by. everyone looks down. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. It's like a chariot race. just please don't hurt anyone. ILL . It's B risky.. CHUN Mr. Do it. my husband has question: MR. He tries to pass them on the right. SHANE (O. ill eyes him. Bill. Bill uncuffs Shane.SHANE They look over -. half on the sidewalk. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.. MINIVAN . BUSY STREET . don't hurt the kids.DAY The vehicles race. Surprised.
. crayons. Mr. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Zoe looks over. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Mr. and loses control. Mr. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun holds Julie. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. disoriented. M R. Chun ROLLS UP his window.. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. SECRET VAULT . INT. Hair spray. Chun off for a beat.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Shane is figuring his options. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Chun SCREAMS.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. Peter laughs. Chun swerves and almost wrecks.. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly.. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.. In the van. Exasperated. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. It throws Mr.What's taking you? 94. She Mr. Mrs. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. . triumphant. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Bill waits impatiently... SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. orange peels.
SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. puzzled. Lulu. Todd. Peter. Shane gets up. landing on his hands and knees.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. . Shane steps forward .A bewildered beat -. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. ill cocks his gun. Sweat drips down Shane's face. confidently: J B B 95 . He speaks aloud.now.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. in pain.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane leaps back.. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Watch. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Shane SQUIRTS it. sending him flying backwards. Shane steps forward. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. BILL Code or no code. Tyler! Bill reacts. Bill laughs.. go get it -.
He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). E 96 . SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Julie relieved.. . Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. Shane LAUGHS sharply. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice.. Again -. just like the crabs do. Bill and Julie share a look -. lower than the floor.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. He steps sideway. fearlessly. When you're down and low. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. And you haven't got a chance. He feels the Groove. He thinks. NOTHING HAPPENS. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. and do the Peter Panda Dance. not quite centered to the room. Something she said. He takes a deep breath. then back: smiles.. CLOSE-UP .. Shane he steps forwards.SHANE Shane's thinks. Calmness comes to Shane's face.NOTHING HAPPENS. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie.they have no idea what he's laughing about. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. across two tiles.
The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. They have my mom. Don't follow me! . from the ceiling. Zoe blows past it. his focus gone.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. When he steps back -.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. and he catches up with the minivan -. he'd be toast. 5-0.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. The Squad Car's lights flash on. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. If he'd been standing. ZOE Come on.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.it takes a while. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. and our bodyguard -. Inside is the Cute Cop. BUSY INTERSECTION . CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Use the gas. not the brake. EXT. 9 7. they're FLYING.
.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. like there ain't no floor. almost running it off road.. EXT. Zoe U-turns. at a safe distance. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. but if I had more resources. the Minivan SPEEDS by. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. She shakes her head. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. Squad Car turns around and chases her. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. PLUMMER BASEMENT . concerned. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. EXT. Following the chase. in a cloud of smoke. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. My intelligence proved to be faulty.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.. pool of liquid. SCHOOL . Suddenly. sliding forward. I accept full responsibility. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. and speeds back towards her house. is Mr. NECK-BRACE. 98. The Squad Car is on its tail.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. nervously. INT. It's acid.. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. Claire frowns. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Then better jump quick.
the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Bill shrugs. You were always my best man. Mrs. Beat.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Bill takes a breath -. Chun to go first.." He jumps. And you betrayed all of that. The safe's red light turns green. to the left of the HOLE. Nothing happens. He lands in front of THE SAFE. The Booby Traps are disarmed.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Finally. Bill looks around. He nervously steps forward . It's a stand-off.. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. BILL Thank you. Shane scowls. Immediately.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. and jumps back. He holds his breath just in time. BILL (CONT'D) You know. disgusted. Shane. All that we stand for. and jump to the left. to calm down) Almost done. BILL I'll take that as a "no. The whole room goes SILENT. He flips the switch to DISARMED. What do you say -." . She gestures back: you go. "Just hold your breath. if you're willing to join up. 99. I knew you'd figure it out. Chun follows. Whew. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance.he waves his hand over the floor. sir.and walks across the room. Bill signals for Mrs. pulling Julie along. almost done. He's relieved -.
before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. . hitting Bill's arms. SIZZLING. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. and touches the dial.. legs! He's crazed. Bill LUNGES. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. then catches himself.Bill turns to the safe. Shane reaches for the safe. Chun doesn't budge. She turns it. Relief. Full of himself. Nothing happens. Shane shrugs. But suddenly Mrs.. Chun. Bill gestures to Mrs. He starts to reach for the dial. her hair on end. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.. shaking from the voltage. Bill is off guard. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Chun reaches out. trying to read Shane's poker face. then PUNCHES him in the gut. unrelenting. but Shane gazes coldly. BILL None requested. Reluctantly .. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Chun LEAPS onto his back. head. I walked the floor first. Bill is incensed. SHANE There will be no mercy. MRS. Something's not right..Mrs.. You open it. Mrs. BILL (CONT'D) . I think you better open it. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks.
delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. landing on his back in front of the safe. Say. She smiles.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. terrible neighbor. PLUMMER'S STREET . everyone is SCREAMING. K.they tangle like pro's. Suddenly. knocking her out. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. He jumps to his feet. They punch. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. Shane shakes his head. Shane struggles to lose her. stumbles backwards across the room. connecting only occasionally. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.O. the wind knocked out of him. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. kick. Leering mercilessly. ANGLE . Shane tumbles. OOF! Bill tumbles. SIRENS wailing. IN THE VAN. The Police Cars . BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. unable to gain her balance. saved.. he drops and FLIPS her.BILL He steps over Shane. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. spin. which Shane deflects -. SHANE .. It's clear the both have the same training.! EXT. Bill is charging him. good night. tottering. SHANE You're a. chase after. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. But he's unforgiving. delivering a series of hard punches.. She catapults. Shane COLD-COCKS her.. then whispers/sings. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Shane narrows his eyes.
grateful.SAME TIME Total commotion.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. She smiles at Shane. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. INT.101. with their hands raised. The garage door raises. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. They look in silence.and hits a tree. The van SKIDS. HOUSE . But it's too late.O. then look in the safe: Inside. It's finally over. Then -. The kids clamber from the van. The Kid spill out and run. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. from the car. Cops surround them. SECRET VAULT .. Shane gently removes it. Whoa..a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. then BRAKES. smoke BURNING from the tires -. Now we can go back to our peaceful. JULIE Thank you Shane. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think .) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. SHANE . GHOST.. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. Shane steps out.. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.
vaults onto Chun. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. Shane spins.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. and grabs the MR. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Numerous. Julie and Shane Freeze.CUTE COP FREEZE.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. ZOE But. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license.. Chun stands inside the gate.. officer. I suggest you call the FBI. 10 2. Shane weighs his not so many options. He scoffs. Silence. Mr. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. uh. The Cops are unsure what to do. you're in a lot of trouble. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER.. Now. as he turns his head. Zoe. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Nobody is sure what to do. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze... CHUN (O. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.. Cops cover Shane and Julie.S. But then -. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. helpless.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. He's disheveled and manic. MR. triumphant.a CRAZED SCREAM. Even Chun is amazed.
LATER F. COP I think I'll call the FBI. INT. then walks off. Shane talks with an F.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. GARAGE .B.B. CLOSE-UP . Julie huddles with the kids.. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. ANGLE . You're a one-man battalion. reaches for his radio.I. F. Wolfe.rocket launcher. AGENT Mr. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. watching the FBI Agents work. 103. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Shane examines it.I.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.B.B. F . CLOSE-UP . swelling with pride. that was nice work. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. PLUMMER HOUSE . LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable. SHANE Just doing my job. Agent.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. AGENTS swarm the area.I. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. he ..I.
. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. Tyler. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. and Julie notice.. You tell me.Maui? . right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. You're the superior office.I want to say: I love you more than anything. The Plummers hug each other. SHANE Well. On.. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this..Yes. and gather around. then Julie found the key. Julie. She sees. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. I'm kinda. Mock-angry... Shane looks at her. re-conning the situation. I always have. Summer's almost here. Her siblings. SHANE . from the safe. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. a letter. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Does it itch? Yes. He looks at Claire. I don't know. here. fallen onto the floor. Zoe. THE PLUMMER HOUSE ... say -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Todd. He looks around: at the family... A tear comes to her eye. I'm on dry land. 104. Peter. Lulu -.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. EXT. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. And to tell the truth.
Your work here is through. LULU This is it. interrupting.his medal.. 105. SHANE Ah. He squeezes her hand around it. squeezing them off the ground. Thank you. SHANE Claire beams. I'm gonna . For everything. Zoe gives them a look -.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. TIGHT . Like he did. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. He wipes his face.he hugs the whole family at once. A long beat.. Shane.SHANE This is too much. Guess you have to go now. ZOE But. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. baffled. Shane bawls -. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. sad. Julie looks up. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. The Plummers all approach. come here you. P ETER Love you. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. He puts them down. She puts out her hand.. He starts to head off. to shake his.. Lulu turns to Shane.Sir yes sir. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe .he can't keep it in.
Scott: in a suit. The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION." In the audience. Shane watches with bated breath. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. even Murney.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. Shane stands." Hearts swell. BACKSTAGE . Julie watches in astonishment. A STANDING OVATION. rapt. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Farewell. Todd spins. Claire: dressed to the nines. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. hit your marks. You Are Sixteen begins. It's fantastic -. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. She is surrounded by her children. the little Brownie Troop. VICTORIA THEATRE. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. beaming with pride. his hair combed. until he sits back down.a Michael Jordan dunk. They all watch.
Mission accomplished. He humbly steps into view -.imsdb. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.html on December 9 2010 . FADE OUT.and the house goes crazy. Thundering applause. THE END http://www. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.com/scripts/Pacifier. touched.-The.calls. Shane smiles.
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