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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
One of our SEALS calls out to them. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. My way -. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. SHIP'S HOLD ..no highway option. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.. But you have to do exactly what I say. Plummer screams. but can't get free. United States Navy. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. over his head. He's gone.SIMULTANEOUS 4. they're almost out of ammo. EXT. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. Shane removes his mouth piece.. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. him his oxygen. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. He tries force the door open.. to the roof. INT.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. terrified. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. ON THE DECK . PLUMMER How did you know where I. when I say it. I'm gonna get you outta here. Up to his nose. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.. hauling the Professor up. As the water rises. When it finally opens. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. .
HELICOPTER . Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. 5. terrified. then disappear gracefully back into the water.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. OCEAN'S SURFACE . and pulls himself. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN.. Shane takes a deep breath. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. SHANE INT. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. INT. more!" They do.The Seal calls out: "shoot more.. holding the Professor.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. Hold on. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. HELICOPTER . SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. He . clearly he loves this kind of day.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. pulling the Professor in behind him. INT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. EXT.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .
That was the most incredible. I can't believe you. Charles stops Shane.... waits. CHARLES I'm safe. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. She thinks I'm dead.. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. thank you. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. PLUMMER Oh my God. We have to keep moving. how'd we.. Lieutenant. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. Not imperative to the mission. rotors whirling slowly. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. shutting him up. CHARLES Lieutenant. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. the Professor looks terrified. I'm just not big on chit chat.. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . .A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. Please.beside him. EXT.
The briefcase pops open.. Shane drops. PILOT sits. PAVE HAWK . CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. INT. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY.Charles picks up his briefcase. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. you want to see it? Negative.. I have a picture of my kids in here..CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.couldn't crack it.. Lulu. Tyler. It's voice activated. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane considers. Charles dials. back to him. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Peter. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. All goes . He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case... Designed it myself. RUN!!! black. I do security. Todd. knocked unconscious. and talks. that's my specialty. I'm alive.. Charles dials his cell phone.. puzzled. Shane looks at him. WHAM. except for the phone and a family PHOTO.. then hands him his satellite phone. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.. DEAD. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.
Bill sits down beside the bed. and takes Charles' Briefcase. sir. Shane reaches out.7. EXT. He sees Charles. HOSPITAL . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. A Huey Helicopter lands. There is huge explosion. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure.O. SHANE'S P.friendly.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire.. Everything is ablaze. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. And a good friend.V. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. PAVE HAWK . as the chopper ignites. He looks around. unassuming. SHANE . He takes a long look at Shane. You're the best man I ever trained.. He holds a REPORT in his hand. but he does it anyway. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. His arm and face bandaged. despondent. HOSPITAL . barely conscious. in slow-motion. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. unconscious. I know sir.it hurts to salute.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. Captain. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. A VERY TALL MAN steps out.: Everything is a blur.
S. Shane sits up. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. It's not that kind of mission. disappointed. 8. Bill considers this. is still out there. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.H.O.. BILL Not a surprise. and starts to rise. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.. He called it G. and sits opposite Shane. really.. disconnects an IV. Thank you. he pulls off bandages.a genius.T... as I stated in my report. G.O. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. Bill shakes his head. I'm gonna need the mini sub. SHANE The case was empty sir.SHANE He had to call his family. SHANE Sir.. BILL . Then.H. He can't believe his good fortune. Invigorated. He pulls up a chair.. . appreciate your confidence. I.S. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.T.
sir. It's just that. She told me someone had broken into her home.. I'm alive. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. top to bottom. I'll call you in an hour. (MORE) 9..S. The family's scared.. I need someone to stay at that house. BILL The professor's wife requested you.S. call Lt. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. CHARLES (O. Shane is surprised.. maybe it isn't.. Searched the place. Widow. Whoever killed the professor must think G. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. is in that house.O. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket.NIGHT . SHANE'S APARTMENT .. Maybe it is.. Either way. CUT TO: INT.. sir... Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. I've never been very good with kids. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.H. and protect them. BILL .) Honey. Shane is shocked. intrigued. I got a call from the professor's wife. I should go. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.if anything happens to me. Not even when I was a kid sir. hearing the dead man's voice. Shane Wolfe.Shane listens. I love you. presses play. He's a good man. anyway.T.
Shane heads to the door.V. Shane looks down -... Shane's P.. The sprinklers go off. Hm. 10. He looks at for a moment. Shane frowns.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. and pulls out a small. they all go in. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. SUBURBAN STREET .. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. identical to the one he wears. Shane looks like a bad ass. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. He reaches in. night vision goggles. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. 8.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Lulu eyes Shane. with toys all over the lawn. Shane eyes Lulu. peering up at him. machete.then the door swings open. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. then goes back to his it chest of drawers.O. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. Shane double-checks the address. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). ready for anything. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.Shane packs his duffel bag. EXT. . It SQUEAKS. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. also identical to the one he wears. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk.s. camouflage vest.and sees LULU. we're not interested. He rejects it.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
I have some potentially good news.s.. 14... LIVING ROOM . Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house.Nighttime -. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Julie and Shane share a look. The phone RINGS inside. BILL (o. entersJULIE I'll be there.MORNING stand hug Julie. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. I think it could contain GHOST. INT. with her suitcase. Shane. Helga will . it's Bill Fawcett.) There's a catch. Julie casually answers it.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. Through the window. This could all be over! BILL (o. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.s. through the kitchen window.. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property.the family eats dinner. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. listening to the conversation. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Swiss law says only his family can access it.s. INT. We slowly pull out.NIGHT Shane. JULIE That's wonderful.) Julie.
No. are you licensed to kill? . do it. Mrs. They'll be safe with me. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.. Helga will take care of everything else.. And guys. I am a mom. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency..we'll be fine. H S ... whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad... it's just. And on the back door. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. HELGA Everything will be fine. ZOE Mom -.handle everything. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know.. Plummer. chill. I'll be back in 48 hours. . And on the phone. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. I love you guys. I'm gonna miss you... SHANE Don't worry. it's my job to worry. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.
1 Helga trudges up the path and in.. Shane shakes his head. Shane turns off the light.WHRRP! Shane ducks. INT. Shane heads down the hall. looks around for the CRYING BABY. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. Immediately. can't find him. I make bottle.. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Gary suddenly FLIES by . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL...5.NIGHT hane rushes in -. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . elga stomps out. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.NIGHT Shane. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him.. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. pouring in Cheerios. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) . Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. on a short ladder. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . You do something. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. He shuts off the - ... when in the corner of his eye -.s.
He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. tool. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.go back inside. setting off the PIERCING ALARM.. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. I'll call you. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. runs off. SHANE Not with this kid.. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. house like a marionette. fine. . Shane runs.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. S COTT . ZOE He's my boyfriend.window alarm and sneaks out silently. 16. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Shane LIFTING him in the air. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL..BACK YARD . come on Scott.. Zoe -. They both tumble to the ground. Zoe! . EXT. jumps onto the trampoline. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. calling out from across the street. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. ZOE Okay..CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. He's dazed.
IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Shane addresses them.. CHUN Thanks a bunch. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. Look. no accent) We speak English. CHUN . I INT. Oh. Shane stands there. Kojak. huh baby-sitter? Mr. They're arguing with each other in Korean. THE CHUNS. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The Alarm's still blaring.Zoe storms inside. pop their heads out. The alarm stops. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Oh. A simple misunderstanding. We had an intruder. Shane's about to head inside.. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff.. CHUN (perfect English. so we're up kind of early. we own a bakery. fuming. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. and we found this in our pool filter.. MR. SHANE My apologies.. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. MR. Sorry. PLUMMER HOUSE ..NIGHT . SHANE MRS. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut.
bangs on Todd's doorLights out.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. SHANE Not anymore. Bite me! Shane frowns. Shane shuts her door. Zoe falls backwards into the room. S W 1 8. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. ZOE Who do you think you are -. Shane marches back down the hall. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.s. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. You should have told her the truth. Loud. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. She has to hop on one foot. . SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. lower than the floor. Shane flips her foot in the air. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. to not fall over.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room).) sing). continues down the hall.
he wriggles on the floor. . to their beds. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. HOUSE . and do the Peter Panda Dance. then "crab-walks" sideways. She does.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. PLUMMER HOUSE . EXT. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals.groove. T Z Z T 19. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. one step back.laugh and laugh. Peter in his bed. Three steps forward. warm orange light. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. Shane shakes his head.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. in bed -. The Children. In the bedrooms. Then jumps up. just like the crabs do. INT.
The Whistle GETS LOUDER. ODD It's Sunday.. disoriented.m. half-asleep and angry. oe is wrapped in blankets. Not in front of the kids. Move. L Move.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. like she's been electrocuted. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey..odd is out cold. Suddenly his door flies open -. HALLWAY . Helga runs through in hair curlers.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. carrying the crying baby. Covering their ears.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. You're insane. not understanding what's happening. Todd blinks groggily. 20 .MORNING Todd sits up. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. S . motionless. INT. TODD'S ROOM . SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.
Your behavior is unacceptable.he gives him a look of disbelief. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind... ladies. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.LATER The children are assembled. in Romanian.) Shane's jaw drops. . L 21. No highway option. HELGA (She curses Again. shocked.do you.do you. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. KITCHEN . sucking on a bottle.. lined up tallest to shortest. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. INT. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.
ZOE He's in his room. but it's locked. he's furious. SHANE Tracking devices. He tries the knob. Everyone stares blankly -. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist.and you do it. P eter farted.. The panic button is only for emergencies.(pointing) Red 1. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works.. I tell you what to do -.. Everyone cracks up. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. or you're dead. So you are -. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Angry. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Red baby. Shane tries to maintain decorum. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.. Now that I know I can't trust you.a tense silence. INT. ZOE I am not wearing that. Red Leader. Never take them off. Red 2. S ULU (CONT'D) . End of chain.you better be dying.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Shane bangs hard on it.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. where's the older male? There were five. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Shane bounds up the stairs. wait. He yells at her. Touch that -.
a FLUSH. Todd nods in agreement. HALLWAY . Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer.they glare at Shane. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. INT.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it.22. Zoe comes up the stairs. then CRASHES inward. hits Shane on the head.. A piece of the ceiling falls. to her room.MORNING .. Shane steps aside. Down the hall -. PLUMMER HOUSE . the destroyed door and wall. She stops at Todd's door -. and head down the hall.. INT.LATER ZOE . I can fix this. He has to go. patrolling.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. The entire frame collapses. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. He sees Shane. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. If you'd been wearing it. and Todd comes sauntering back. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. INT. this wouldn't have happened. Oops. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed..
Really? His eyes light up. Lulu hides behind Shane. PAPERBOY (O. He said there's a ghost.WHACK -.S. hey.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. hard. And then it hits Shane. Peter! screams. wearing a towel as a sheet. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. clicks his alarm remote opens it.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. I don't know. He pretends to be a ghost. His head shifts. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. HALLWAY . He rushes for the front door. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. Lulu SHANE Hey.LATER . SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. Shane turns. Daddy even said so. LULU This house is haunted. INT. to see that Peter is chasing her.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose.the rumble of a car approaching. just as -. L S 23. Peter Booos again. he hears something suspicious -.
He RAPS again. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. I INT. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down.. appears. BANGING her head and ass on each step. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall... BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.ZOE AND TODD . scanning the ceiling.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. all the way down. as laundry flutters down from above. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall.a creak. T IGHT . takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. Shane scans it.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. He goes back to the living room. Zoe whispers. MR.. Nothing.. ZOE Here he comes.Shane walks slowly down the hall. She screams. inally. Then -. pushing. Searching. feeling. listening for hollow spaces. STAIRWAY . The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. When he hears an alert from his laptop. F . then turns his attention to his laptop. carrying a huge laundry basket.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.
EXT. . SWISS BANK . He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. we're going to have to file a complaint. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. He licks his finger again. Then looks back to the paperwork. He jumps to his feet. this is an urgent matter. It's taking him a LONG time.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. INT. looking jet-lagged. Bill can't stand it anymore.DAY Establishing.They gulp. but can't get the page to turn. SWISS BANK . mouthing along in FRENCH.DAY Bill and Julie. They wait patiently -. If we can't get some faster service. The Banker looks at him blankly. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. ZOE Uh-oh. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. BANKER Marcel! out. He feebly gets up. then licks his finger to turn the page. terrified. I can't. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. Not in Switzerland. 25. He seems to be about 100 years old.
Shane dives. Oui. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. remain calm -- 26.you will have access to the box tout-suite. As soon as your background checks clear. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. Shane picks up the receiver. He grabs her suitcase. PLUMMER HOUSE . heads to the door -. JULIE Thank you. I QUIT. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. and Helga dashes for the door. RING! Amid the chaos. But I can tell you -. Peter's in the aquarium. enters. As she tries to wrestle it away. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. MARCEL. SHANE (CONT'D) . HELGA I am calm.Another Banker. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. The duck flies around.Shane tries to block her path. the chief does not speak English. The suitcase handle breaks off. grabbing her foot. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. How long is that? INT. He DRAGS her back. Suddenly. Shane moves for the phone. suitcases in hand.SAME TIME Helga. QUACKING.
You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Helga scampers out the door.. Mrs. Shane lets go. Plummer. Shane body-checks it closed. He picks up his hand. CRUNCH. Helga struggles to get him off. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.. Duty..everything's fine. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab.Helga falls forwards. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.. Just doing my. against the counter.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. 27. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. EXT. that landed on a diaper.Ah. and Shane falls back. Shane hangs up the phone. Plummer. (covering the phone. Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. HOUSE . SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -.
Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. ANGLE . takes a deep breath and strides inside. INT.he slowly glances up. There's been a change of plans. defeated. . He drops his head. to find the kids are all gloomy. if she loves you. HOUSE . SHANE Okay. Then -. baby cries. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.Helga jumps in the cab. The 28..CONTINUOUS Shane enters.SHANE Rises. Helga glares back. in the rear window. dumbfounded.. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. we're just gonna have some more big fun. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. In the meantime.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.. she'll come back. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. ANGLE .. listen up.
.SHANE He gulps. INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Using the tools as chopsticks. holding his nose. BATHROOM . he cautiously unfastens the diaper. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Pure self-preservation.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. your enthusiasm. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. Only then can we rise to the challenge.it flops open. holding out the Baby at full arm's length.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. And then -. repelled. nice moment. SHANE Whoa. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. . I'm Navy. everyone bolts from the room. 29. All for one. HEY! Even Peter runs. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. takes a deep breath. SShane GROANS.. CLOSE-UP . Nobody will help. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. inundated. Until -.
Lulu is in her pj's. it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Aghast. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers.SHANE The things I do for my country. She follows. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. INT.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.he can't do it. he looks down to see Lulu. she just stares at him. I think you're cute. LULU Hi. over and over and over. SHANE (unsure how to respond. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. .. HALLWAY .) Thank you. then FLUSHES. Lulu doesn't go away.. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. 30. Shane tries approaching -. he looks around for a solution. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. like a puppy. Lulu follows at his heels.
The kids sit down at their designated spots. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school." dubious. all the kids asleep. 31. in beddibye land. Shane smiles. The Kids stare at "breakfast.Shane walks room to room. like he's an idiot. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. And I've survived off this stuff for months. and shuts off her light. Lulu looks at him. pulling down the shades on every window.it's time for you take a nappypoo. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. I can get lots more of those. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. and patrols. proud of his accomplishment. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. KITCHEN . little girl.BREAKFAST . All the lights are out. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. INT. . confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. Todd.
Shane sighs. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. And the phone rings.. you go out. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. one for all. all for one. LULU .here's how it's gonna be.is not here to take care of you now. We're gonna pull together.. . crying. then at Tyler -. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.. ZOE He's only two.. Peter stands in his chair. too. dancing.. if I say out. (then:) Yes.. trying to hear over the screaming. So -. I can cross my eyes.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs.. Shane answers.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane.. He runs away. Shane turns to Lulu.. Peter starts bawling. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Wanna see? Negative. If I say in. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Your mama -. you stay in. ladies.
A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. EXT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE Not on my watch. INT. perfect parallel park.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. A big suburban school.." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. The Minivan skids completely sideways. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. He hangs up. and at that .M. I know it's Monday. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE...a death defying. Thank you. EXT. dramatically unveiling Shane. It just doesn't add up. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. innocently. you and Todd are expelled. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. INT. sir. LULU We're gonna be late.9:29 A. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. into a TINY parking spot -... backwards at sixty m. With your .MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. It hits ZERO. GARAGE .p. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. Oh.. Across his chest.h. He wants to see you in his office. yes. He said if you're late again. Zoe smiles at him. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. GARAGE . Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. Shane fumbles with it for a while. legal guardian.
assured. I'm Murphy. mortified. boy. too. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. tough. whatever work you can get. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month.. Well. He withers. Plummer finally listened. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. conduct and truancy. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. I coach wrestling. V.. son? SHANE Wolfe.moment. They're the worst students in my school. Top to bottom. K thru 12. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). a few days. Murney is furious. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. they needed a parole officer. She's attractive. He glares at Shane. Looks like Mrs. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle.P in charge of discipline. . Duane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Murney is unimpressed. The Kids are seated around him. Shane. The Kids crack up. as he plays on the floor. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. He's HUGE and mean. You're in my house now. Lieutenant. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. holding Peter on a harness. Out of twenty-three.
You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Good. (then. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. She told me all about you. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining.. Mrs.. fuming.two little red DOTS move away.. SHANE Red 1. Get moving. He exits. Principal Claire eyeballs him. that as vice principal. Shane checks his TRACKER -. You see. Claire sees this -. 34. impressed. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . Lieutenant. staring him up and down.and suddenly reacts. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I am in charge of. I think I can handle this from here.Good morning kids. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. Plummer. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. BELL rings.. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. The teens hustle off to their classes. The opens the door for Murney. Plummer called my captain. What are you doing in my office. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. as he casually holds the three kids.. Red 2. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.
.. and the way I run my school. SHANE Can't be too careful.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado... On the spot. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. SHANE . Claire looks nervously around. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".MID-MORNING seeShane. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. SHANE "Honor. That's the way I live my life. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Courage. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. dead serious. Shane stares not sure whether to believe. Service paid for my college. She lifts her pants leg. to balance Shane.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. Welcome aboard.. SHANE .(Shane nods. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. The 35. So. Just try not to frighten the children.
INT.V. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. turns her back to him embarrassed.last time: Open the hanger.Clean as a whistle. yanks his hood over his head. Todd. BINOCULARS P. sitting in the back row of a class. He turns to the person front of him. with stern intensity. does the same. Todd. Black Hawk coming in.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. delighted. in line to get lunch. SHANE Give up now. Zoe. Beside Shane.. 36 .LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.V.. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat..O. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. picks up a pair of binoculars. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. Official Business.. He checks his tracking device. two. one. CAFETERIA . Now -. like a tether ball.O. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Shane closes the computer. . Save us both a world of pain. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Lulu sees Shane and waves.
Seriously. SHANE Hey -. you don't. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Can I call you Shane? . you know. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. I guess.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. with milk. man.. Principal Claire smiles..) Shane. Tyler laughs. When you agreed to serve your country. (she toasts.but you're pretty good at this. You're on dry land.Tyler gurgles. ignoring him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.. lieutenant. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -..but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. He yanks Tyler away from him. I'm impressed. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. 37. . Oh. Claire smiles. Mr. huh? Shane gives her a look. not so dry where you're sitting. Shane sighs. (she looks at his chair) Well. A whole day. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble..I out rank you. Sure.
I don't care who starts it. in the crowd. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. unusual. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. As soon as they see the Principal. MURNEY You heard the lady.. and "punches fists" with him. impressed. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. the crowd freezes. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. and the sound of Students in an uproar. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. MURNEY He did. Look at him. cheering.That's. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. (Todd) 38. but not stopping it. LUNCH-LINE . INT. VP Murney is watching.. Murney smirks. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table.. Zoe. next week's tournament is off. Personally .
S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. man. MURNEY Oh. The Bell rings. flinch. SHANE . yeah. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.I'm a black belt myself.Todd lands on his feet. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane.. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Maybe some other time then. I'm on duty. Todd lunges at him. MURNEY Pretty slick. 39 . Sorry. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. Murney approaches Shane. Murney. Don't even think it. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. Nice moves. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. I forgot you had to baby-sit.. That's right. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. . Boys'll be boys. (low.I think that's a little harsh.total control. the crowd breaks up. what do you say? Come on. Maybe you could stop by practice. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. He'd kill you so fast. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . promise I'll go easy on you.. Frogman -. sir. sticking the landing. stopping an inch from Shane's head. SHANE ... we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.
Then Shane smells what she means -.INT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. as he keeps watch. Have fun.. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . following his tracking device. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. INT.. 40.. Lt. minus taxes. Shane recoils in disgust. another dollar twenty. and not cry.CONTINUOUS . doing a shoulder roll. Uh.. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. But. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Emergency! SHANE INT. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Roger that.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. He bursts though it.change him. for one who'll eat. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Not my job. The Principal strolls up. Bathroom's down the hall. Tyler is crying. Just then. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Panicked.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. holding Tyler out like a grenade. SHANE Oh -. It leads him to a door. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY .Tyler's diaper is full..
The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. Shane lands in fight stance -. with the Panic Button in her hand. He leaps out of the minivan. 41. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. BUSY INTERSECTION . almost tipping the minivan. At that moment. HALLWAY . He speeds away after them. Thanks. CONSTRUCTION SITE .CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. are heading away from the school fast. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.the Class applauds. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . I INT.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Shane makes a right. but the FINAL BELL rings. EXT. Lulu is in front of the class. through the fence. racing down the road ahead of Shane. Shane is furious. his Tracker Alarm sounds again.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He hands her to the Principal. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. EXT. He blasts through a red light. EXT. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. SHANE EXT. They make a sharp right.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -.
Shane easily takes them out. INT. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. IN THE MANHOLE . . feet away. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. all brandishing tools. Shane pries off the manhole cover. He takes a deep breath and dives under.the DOTS are CLOSE.then RUN. No sweat. From outside. then checks the tracker -. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. ANGLE . then checks his tracker. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.section. Three Workers rush him. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. and charges through. INT. they hear the front door open. PLUMMER HOUSE .LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. It's horrific. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. you're about to get a beat down.It's dark and dank. Shane lowers himself down. and the sound of OMINOUS. He winces. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy. He catches his breath.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. SQUISHY footsteps. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS.then gasps -. SEWER .LIVING ROOM . Shane trudges through the river of muck.SHANE He's alone.
He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. then covers their noses. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. thank you. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. . If you need anymore help. 16 year old female. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. The Cop turns to Shane..Then the door swings open. . Zoe checks him out as he goes. 43 INT. BATHROOM . Call. he doesn't say anything. Ditto. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Covering her nose. Todd stiffens..LATER Shane is in the shower. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. The Cop looks at them. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. looking like a Swamp Creature. The smell is BAD..b. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. weird hair. The Cop leaves. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. revealing Shane.. INT.. Everyone gasps. use our nonemergency number. with a smirk. KITCHEN . CUTE COP 14 year old Male. INT.p. BACK YARD . Zoe fixes her hair.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.
. in just a towel.Shane enters. we can't go the Jamboree. You gotta help me out. He looks at it. He sees on the fridge.) Get rid of them.. (whispers:) Come on. 4. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. 4 . The Brownies applaud. They won't be home `til ten. Lulu starts to sniffle. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. LULU We have to. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. and whistle. Shane. SHANE (O. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. If we don't sell enough cookies. close to tears. pulling Lulu after him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . and if we can't go to the Jamboree. it's Monday. LULU I can't. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. INT. FAMILY ROOM . cringing in disgust.all junk food. And it's not like I have any other friends. they're staring at him.a dozen little girls in uniforms. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. They already think I'm a loser.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Mom's our den mother. Monday. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -.S.
at attention. . BROWNIE Den Mother? . Indian Style. Zoe's on the phone. INT. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence.. he's a total psycho. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. SHANE Good." paces in front of the Brownie Troop.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. Shane sighs.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. Here's how it's gonna be. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. KITCHEN . ZOE . ladies. yeah. back in "uniform... then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. then drills it into place. ZOE'S BEDROOM . do as I say.wait here. INT. INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. getting ready to go. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. I'm scared of you. Tonight. LIVING ROOM . the other to his back. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. They are assembled. I'm gonna be your den -commander. He's not just locking them -.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Shane blows passed her.Lulu's about to burst into tears.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Now -... unpacking boxes of cookies. SHANE Alright..
5.nothing even looks like food.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.. ZOE .. it's like Oz or something..PARKING LOT . 4 EXT.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. nuts?" EXT.. GROCERY STORE . LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. GROCERY STORE . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.. (she listens:) Hm. Snack packs. but they're . but if anything happens. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. DRIVEWAY . colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. hits speed-dial. Scott."what are you. GROCERY STORE .AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. INT. He sees: a huge. He smiles.. EXT. I dunno if that's a good idea... Tyler looks at him -.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. EXT. No. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Zoe picks up the phone. He looks around at the bright. SHANE I gotta get supplies... 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. the camera CRANES up to. as he pushes a cart into the store. I can see you through the window. NOTHING looks familiar -. he's got us on lock-down. GROCERY STORE .
. He rips it open.. they're back. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. He laughs.. chubby CUB SCOUTS. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. and lets her go. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. menacingly. One The Brownies take off running. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. clutching their boxes. but can't get away. you Skeever? .. . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. Finally. GROCERY STORE . before I get my face punching badge on you. I haven't seen anybody. The Cub Scouts high-five.she tugs and tugs. One of the Brownies spots something. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.noticing very shy. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT .. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. EXT.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.
DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Where? SHANE INT. He heads toward the Scouts.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Shane's monitor starts beeping. He firmly tells Lulu. CHEESE . The Brownies scream.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. 47. trembling. The Brownies are huddled behind it. CHUCK E. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Not cookies. He bends down. EXT. I'm here to protect you. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. He wears . and points at Lulu's Panic button. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies.A LITTLE LATER . Cheese MANAGER. you're supposed to take us to dinner. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.2ND SCOUT Nope. PARKING LOT . we're going home.22's. Around his neck. If I don't come back -avenge my death. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. Get in the car.
LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. A LITTLE LATER: 48. Cheese! Wider reveals.. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. skee Brownies are running around.. playing video games and ball.braces and head-gear. the Chuck E. Shane's watching Peter. The Manager approaches Shane. this much cyanide. which causes him to lisp. This much The Manager laughs. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.CHAOS.. . MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle... Lulu approaches. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.. Cheese automaton band JAMS. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. On stage.
Shane doesn't like the sound of that. then cracks her in half over his knee. They begin.she pins him to the ground. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. . Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. He's really mad. spins her. Shane is taking it really seriously. Then he a joy stick. He cracks his knuckles. Round three starts. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Unless you're scared. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. My joystick's broken. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. Lulu picks a small female character... Lulu screams out with her fighter. kneels on his head. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. Nobody can jump thirty feet. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. The second round starts. I thought you liked combat. Shane even get one punch in -. He steps up to the machine.LULU I pressed two player. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. stretches. LULU The Hulk can. SHANE That's not fair. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. and then a kick in the face. then kicks him in the face. He checks over his shoulder -.
it's my job to worry. ZOE Mom -.LIVING ROOM . HOTEL ROOM . SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. swing and a miss... Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. Sparks fly. dancing. jumping.. INT. come on -. 50. slamming buttons. the Zhouse is quiet... Shane's really fuming.. oops too slow. He and the Brownies sneak away..stop worrying. LULU You're not even trying.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. leaving the sizzling machine. He is KO'd. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.. LULU Too slow.. Lulu's having fun now. ZOE . its joystick dangling by its wires.. but he can't hit her. while he pounds the buttons. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.. She keeps dancing.... It's really annoying. swinging and missing. PLUMMER HOUSE . INTERCUT WITH: INT. Shane's working the joy stick hard.take a shot.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom.
CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. everything's cool. VARIOUS SHOTS . not cool. 51. this is outta hand. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. . Zoe rolls her eyes. I hate leaving you. up. ZOE Dude.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. INT. She turns to Scott. And the folks who read my BLOG.in my cell. loads Brownies into the minivan. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. I love you. The guy's just a control freak.The Plummer House: . ZOE Dude. ZOE I know.. MALL PARKING LOT . Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . Tonight I'm just doing homework -. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.Seriously. counting them.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. we're okay. JULIE It's only a few more days.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Don't worry. EXT. but you know I have to do this. who doesn't seem concerned at all. kids everywhere.LIVING ROOM .. PLUMMER HOUSE .
He's holding the diaper. Silence. SHANE .DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in.. INT. to leave a man behind like that. the Brownies follow. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles..not okay. freestyling in the ball pool -. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. He charges across the room with the diaper. SHANE Inexcusable. MANAGER Relax.Move. SUBURBAN ROAD . he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.. The Manager is watching him. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. Suddenly. He's still down there. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. is fine. move! Go go! EXT. CHEESE . again. gasping.for a long time. He holds his breath. Not okay. S 52. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. Whoa..LATER . we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.. CHUCK E. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. He disappears under the balls -. Shane grimaces. out away from him. move. We see what he forgot: PETER.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.they almost always do. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. and goes down for the diaper..
scared.and groans in disbelief. chugging drinks. vents.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. at a full run. Scott. as he pulls up in the Minivan. windows. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.J. EXT.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. trying to understand.. CLUB lock off the door. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. Shane snatches it mid-air -..until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. peeing in the bushes.KITCHEN . INT. Outraged. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. Party's over. 53. then RUN.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare... SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. making out. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D. Peter and Tyler up the path. PLUMMER HOUSE . Now.. Reeling. Shane takes Lulu. He gets out -. we're gonna do this . Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. PLUMMER HOUSE .'s turntables.. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. a total wreck. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.. jocks throwing footballs.then CRUSHES the ball.
TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. INT. They see Shane find the CD. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. as kids clean.. Scott and Zoe. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.. Shane's eyes narrow. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head.no highway option..and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. In a bathroom.CONTINUOUS . It reads: GHOST. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. PLOP. INT. trying to maintain his dignity.. straightening -. in Playtex gloves.then he notices something. ladies. through binoculars. and walk out of sight. He fumes. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. Shane goes over them. Clean.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch.my way -. furiously clean. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. He lifts the sofa.. He hands Scott the mop. CUT EXT. he takes it off. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. labeled with a Sharpie. Oh my god. He holds it up to a KID. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Scott gulps . PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . mopping. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. residue.. Miserable TEENS scrub.
Lulu's crying. You're like a robot. Zoe blows past him -.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. Zoe gets up. Shane . PLUMMER HOUSE . Rambo. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. After a beat. INT. They show no respect for you or your house. Zpounding on doors. He heads upstairs. CUT TO: EXT.. ZOE .. Because you have no respect for yourself. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. My friends will never come here again. ueasy. outside the bathroom door. ZOE I do too respect myself. shaky and furious. furniture polished. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Shane stands. Scott's the last one to leave. she pukes again.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. and screams in Shane's face. where she throws up. you hate us. Todd picks her up...Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. Thanks a lot. helpless. (Announces:) Company. downstairs! He walks down the hall. sits down. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens.into the bathroom. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Those people aren't your friends. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten.
the three fight. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs.. Wielding with great skill. Red 1. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. talking doesn't do any good... I'm gone. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. NINJA GHOST -.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. Shane spins in fight-stance.hand it over! staffs. SHANE You're right. pounding him with their . them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. TWO NINJAS. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. They leap down after him. Not even from the enemy. all in black BURST in through the window. close-quarters and fast. as soon as your mom comes back. tired) It's Scott. Suddenly -.the power goes out. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. SHANE Puberty. Don't worry. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. fiercely -. Suddenly. He goes down.55.. The Ninjas attack. Go to your rooms. I'm not the man for this job.they're good.
He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. avoiding Legos. PLAYROOM . and flings them all over the floor. fiercely. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. and grabs it. He pulls the string.. it makes a silly thunk. toys fly. They step back. Shane fends the Ninjas off.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane crashes down. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. several FURBIES hit the floor. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. facing them. With his foot. and uses them both to fend off blows. WHACK.. .the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet.then the Ninjas charge. 56 INT.knocking him into. blinding him.. SHANE Okay -. he hits a Ninja in the head.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. a squeezes .. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. The Ninjas move towards him -. Shane runs to the changing table.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.
.. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. quietly knocks. bawling.? SHANE They're looking for a program. SHANE Shhh. ANGLE . and Shane sees he's now alone. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.. that your father invented. INT. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength.then the door creaks open. Shane isn't sure what to do. disappointed to have lost them.. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. Shane approaches Zoe's door. The cloud dissipates. Todd and Zoe enter. Kids. It's okay. He squints.SHANE 57.. Shane bangs the window sill. SHANE It's safe.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.. . he hugs Peter and Lulu.. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. fearful. He hugs them. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. Then. HALLWAY .. He runs to the broken window. He A long pause -. terrified. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. He really hugs them. blinded. You can open up.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. TODD Who were they? What did they want. He sprays it in Shane's face..
too. you listen to me. And I'm not going anywhere.. LIVING ROOM . He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. eye to eye. SHANE They're not after you. Shane is furious -. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. the other kids join in. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. "Unchained Melody. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over." And then. Soon. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. They hug him tighter. He looks Zoe. relieved.then they hug him. But nothing's gonna happen to you. Then. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. CLOSE-UP .okay? Zoe and Todd nod.. startled.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive..MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. Shane offers his hand to shake.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC.. and do what I say. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. as long as I'm here. Then. I'll listen to you too. The kids shudder. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.they all jump. all smiles. it's been a long night. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.. 58. absolutely nothing pottery . Zoe answers it. From now on.. They want this.a long pause. Deal? Truce -. They shake -. INT.
JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SCHOOL . SHANE Mrs. but they didn't find it. Don't worry -. The minivan pulls up.MORNING Early morning..it's okay. students run in to school. and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. INTERCUT: INT. We found something in the box.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. Plummer.. It looks like some kind of "key". Shane takes the phone. But we're not sure what it is. two men tried to get into the house tonight.. yes and no. They were looking for GHOST. We just don't know what its for. Nope. HOTEL ROOM . . SHANE No . You have any luck? JULIE Well. She holds up the strange.. everyone's fine. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.we'll be just fine. SHANE (very genuine) . metal two pronged KEY. EXT. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59..happened you should worry about. They're gone..
reacting each time she HITS the gas. a crazed TEACHER next to her. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. shaking his head. egg in some purple dye. she wrecked a driver's Ed. car -. mortified. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers).INT.." Then. I know it's good. Zoe sits in a folding chair.DAY Driver's Ed. SCHOOL PARKING LOT ..she'll pay for the damage. ANGLE on Shane. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. . Shane stands off to the side. EXT. MURNEY . SHANE Don't worry. Murney stands. making a mess of an egg.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. Lulu's classmates all chant. "yeah. sunglasses on. They look concerned. He dips an INT. Peter 60 She smiles. He is gesticulating. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. LULU'S CLASSROOM . and smiles at Shane. then BRAKES. ANGLE on Lulu. SCREAMING. THE GYM . squashed at a little desk. then BRAKES.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Shane nods. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT.. who sits in the back. So. Principal Claire next to him. HITS the gas.. An obstacle course with cones.
and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.but this is just sick. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. . and Shane walks them out. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Shane gives Zoe a look. Todd enters.it's the boy. what's going on. and I'm not sure what to do. Murney calls into the hallway. SHANE He's not a NAZI. it's not that -.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. I was doing a little recon in his locker. Shane scowls. 61.That? Lady drivers... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.yes.I'm a bit concerned. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.... in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off.) See if you can talk to the boy. And that's not all... He does always miss sixth period. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. Shane stops. but -. what do you expect. No. But this... (pulls Shane aside. boys will be boys -. giving him a "skinhead" look. Zoe shrugs. Todd and Zoe stand to go. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.
and leaps at Shane. and keeps walking. Without warning. maybe. if you ask me. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. stretching. Shane trips forwards to his knees. we'll give these boys a treat. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up..that whole family's no good. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. as he passes. I promise I won't hurt you. MURNEY It's a date then. kicking him in the BACK. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. MURNEY You're a good man.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled.. and Murney chases after him. huh? (Shane ignores him. Shane. and leaves. Shane walks the kids out. I'll show you a couple moves. Murney laughs. SHANE Another time. SHANE I'll talk to him. 62. Kung team: Shane walks away.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.
you're in charge. signal me. Todd runs towards the house..CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. but he . preheat the oven. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. with a flowered basket. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. It's pink. SHANE Smart kid. Nothing. He sees Zoe. He starts to shut the window. running around the corner. and leaves. Shane parks. On the corner. It's small for him. EXT. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. Shane hops out the window. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. he can see Todd. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. and snickers to his Team.shakes Shane turns back. The window is wide open. so the alarm didn't go off. Keep all doors sealed.far down the block. I want to talk to you. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. SHANE Wait Todd.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. but instead he takes a deep breath. do your homework. peering out her window. TODD'S ROOM . Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. It looks like Shane might fight. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. He enters.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Murney his head. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. keeping the contact. Shane looks out the window -. Shane screws the window shut.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.What if.. Todd looks devastated -. they quickly assemble on stage. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane shakes his head. SHANE COMPANY -. Liesl chimes in. Todd looks up at Shane.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. Shane looks at the Cast..only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane straightens up.... it's over.... they're not sure what to do. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. girls'll think I'm. TODD . grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. He smiles. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. weird or something? 66 .... LIESL We don't have a director. show's off. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. BEAT. or not? Everyone nods. Shane's glare...
Yes.. furious. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. ZOE .UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I promise. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. YES WHAT? SHANE .. He peeks in -. It's stupid. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE ... ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. INT. Scott.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. another girl picked up the phone.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. He hears Zoe in her room.. Shane exits. I don't know why I let it get to me. I won't touch him. SHANE Okay.. I called him in his room.... No wait! .LATER .. INT. He turns out the light. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. BREAKING something. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. LULU'S ROOM . I know it's no big deal. angrily.
.. As Shane finishes the story. Shane looks at her surprised. So -they waited for cloud cover.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive. Stumped. To find a secret gnome. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. SHANE(CONT'D) One day... I 6 .... Once there was a family of Elves. The elves had to go in and take it out.. and they came in from the north.. (MORE) T S L 8. He sits on the bed. Went into the magic forest. the little Elf family -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. on Lulu's floor. facility.Uh. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. he illustrates. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Let's see.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. setting up the scene with DOLLS.. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. ULU Tell me a story. Uranium.
.. head in the door.. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . TODD I'll write it down for you... NURSERY . Lulu's fallen asleep. TODD You have to do the dance... Todd calls from the doorway.. c'mon. The wails get louder and LOUDER. Like dad used to do... and whispers to Peter.. He made it up for him. S 69.. and do the Panda Dance. from across the hall. lower than the floor. And not one Elf got left behind that day. the teeniest little elf of all -. or he won't stop. Peter starts bawling. We got `em all.Rodriquez.. I can't remember that thing. .mean standing. Then. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. INT.. SHANE Oh..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Even. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Shane sighs. And you ain't got a chance. Peter WAILS. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.
) EXT. Peter applauds. Humiliated.. He sings again. Chun gets his paper.MORNING . They turn to Zoe.Shane sighs. (He does. terrified.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. She gets out in shock. and gets in the driver's seat. (Tyler in the snuggle). listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. Shane turns and catches Mr. through the mirror.. just like the crabs do. Shane. mortified. with her Gameboy.. staring. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. He does the dance as he sings.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. SHANE Today you drive.. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. The Kids sit bolt upright. . T the A 70. Shane crab-walks sideways. GARAGE . Lulu is next to him. PLUMMER HOUSE . The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. Chun. Shane hops forward three times.
S P . The Kids share a dubious look. I trust you. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. MINIVAN .. Zoe is surprised. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. no. but trying not to show it. Lulu and Todd are terrified. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Exactly.I can't even pass driver's Ed. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. Keep going.. Shane is shaky. INT. not the road.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Zoe backs jerkily out.ZOE But -.. She pulls out. jerkily. Shane is nervous. Touched. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No... ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light.
being obnoxious. Scott's terrified.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap.. trembling. She's wearing a cute dress. Shane lets him down and heads into school. CAFETERIA . Suddenly -... Shane spots something. Next lesson. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. ZOE Ha ha ha. Very funny. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. INT. Shane unclenches his teeth. Claire strides into view. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. laughing. Shane jumps out of the car. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Shane's . severe stare) Now. Zoe smiles. SHANE Good. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. KIDS boisterously run past.. terrified.Claire BARKS out. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend).71. and a little make-up. EXT. with a few FRIENDS. hey head into the school. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Before Scott knows what's happened. 1500 hours. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Chastened. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.
Love it when he does that. He smiles back. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Suddenly.. S T P . Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . S he sits beside him. Shane`s not so good at small talk. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Wow. him by the ear." In one move. something.. Principal Claire sighs "not again. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. and offers him a milk. SHANE hey eat in silence.. you never know who you're going to run into. Shane leaps over the table. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. dragging . sailor? Thanks.. She smiles. It's a miracle. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. She's waiting for him to say.. impressed. too..eyes alight. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink.
I'm right here. intimidated. Murney gets up in Shane's face.. I want to sing. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. M 73. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Todd looks. Murney turns around. I quit. Talk. It opens Friday. No one's sure they heard him right. MURNEY I've had it. Yeah I do. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment.. MURNEY Winners never quit.. I. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. What're you so scared of. TODD Hey. .. boy.. Freak? The Students snicker. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Then: TODD I am not scared. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Murney. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs..Murney shoves Todd forward. now it all makes sense. Silence. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume.
Shane steps them. Murney did not expect to be called out.it reads: . M urney looks over at the Team.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. Todd's telling the truth. taking flyers. He storms out. Murney looks around. The whole team wants to quit. Let's do it. You suck. swarm Todd. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. humiliated. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. furious -URNEY So -. So calm. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. They look to the ground sheepishly. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. TODD There is a man in my house -. Everyone is watching. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. There is a stunned moment -. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. The Gym. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle.face to face. Your ass is mine.and then a mob of Students. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. protecting him.me. You win.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. His voice cracks -. it's scary S 74.
"Murney's getting his ass kicked. The bleachers are PACKED. Todd flops to the mat. mumbling something. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain.BAM. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. WHAM. and sweeps Murney -. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. 3:00. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. rushes Shane. Shane throws an arm around Todd.3:00 mat. S 75. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. The Wrestlers scream for Murney.sending him right into the wall. Murney bounds to his feet. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. Murney lands on his back. and they head out. grabs onto Murney's waist. Todd cheers Shane on. GYM . quietly twitching on the ground. Murney. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another." INT. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. M URNEY on. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . shocked. Shane side-steps. hard.
I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. She gives him a thumbs up. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. If you're not sure. No brownies edible. The crowd cheers. They walk out.Dislocated nerve. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. FOREST . I got my troops waiting. BUGS. Claire. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. TO: EXT.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. . He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. LULU We're Brownies. that's all. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. fascinated. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. Todd. too. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. When I Rwanda. 76 SHANE either. TODD That was awesome.
he reaches out and rocks it." INT. The Duck watches all this -. the Girls PUNCH. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. in perfect tempo.FRONT LAWN . here. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.. in between punches. MALL PARKING LOT . KICK.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.. here at the top of the stairs. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. He signals her. and. KICK. In unison. PUNCH. Zoe . Shane holds a stopwatch.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. He laughs at his own joke. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. He illustrates the stage directions. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. NURSERY . OLD FACTORY .EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. INT.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. EXT.we'll put Von Trapps here. she burns rubber.. and races through a slalom of orange cones -..fascinated. PUNCH. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. The Kids don't get it... She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. PLUMMER HOUSE . It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. EXT.she hits EVERY ONE -. MALL PARKING LOT .
.out and weaves the cones. in we WIDEN back.BACK YARD . INT. it teeters. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. T I E 77. NURSERY . They watch closely.. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT . Shane gives her a signal.. EXT.2. Hands a T . OLD FACTORY . mercilessly.. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED..3.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled... is an empty page/that men will want to write on. The Brownies attack. PLUMMER HOUSE .DAY -"1. INT. He counts begins wriggling free. but doesn't fall. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. blur. your life little girl..FRONT LAWN . as and then her BROWNIE uniform.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard." Lulu. PLUMMER HOUSE . ODD . she only clips one.
" Singing and doing all the moves -. Peter. 8. Then he tucks Peter in. now and then. daddy. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. but blows it.hard. He kisses Peter on the forehead. THUD! Gazelle. adding a James Brown flourish. He does a spin kick. Again.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. But sweet dreams. SHANE I'm not your daddy. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. odd tries the spinning kick. Graceful. NURSERY . Peter Panda. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . Todd tries the kick. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. he almost bursts into tears. Graceful. INT. Shane is so touched. Peter.huh? Now.he's got it down.EVENING . Shane performs the "Panda Dance.
He smiles. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.they LAUGH. see them.MOMMY! She lets him go -. The Scouts share a look -. tying him. wearing the double snuggle. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. You're gonna have to pay for that. she wraps it around his arm. In one move. at their own table. he lands on the ground hard. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. The Scout struggles. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. INT. S SHANE That's my troop. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. The . U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever.in a FLIP.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. scary. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. FORMATION. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.he sees. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . 9. but like lightning. striking a cool pose.. Across the lot. proud. As he's comparing prices -. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. the Chubby Cub Scouts. the Other Scouts are scared..
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
BACK YARD .CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.soldier. ANGLE . INT. A tear runs down Zoe's face. OE I never even got to say good bye.SHANE He's left alone. happy. The phone rings. She throws her arms around Shane. WITH: J INT. EXT. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . talking excitedly. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. HALLWAY . HOTEL . Shane answers it. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. we're on the first plane in the morning. the kids are all abuzz. J 82.
unblinking. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. I guess I better fix that Playroom window.NIGHT hane turns the light on. GARAGE . No reason for personal attachments. your wings aren't clipped. He pets the Duck.The house is dark. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Kids to play S . How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE Just another assignment. INT. with. the Duck starts quacking. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Shane sighs morosely. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Three squares a day. Gary sits in the next chair. hane rises. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Suddenly. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. he Duck stares. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.. Shane turns..
Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. No hinges or cracks.. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it... The wheel spins. He tries muscles rippling. TO: to S 84. crack the lock all night. we see a CRANK WHEEL. The Kids are watching his progress. and then it gives. Shane steps down it.. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. leading below the garage. unsuccessfully.SHANE What happened. He's been trying. Shane dials a phone. . and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. he floor opens. shines it down the grate. Nothing. only It's solid and inscrutable. Shane looks on stunned. INTERC UT: B harder.. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. INT.. Lulu hands him a tool.. GARAGE . The break in its surface is a strange.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. DISSOLVE INT.
. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.Lulu. towards the neighbor's house. GHOST. I think I found GHOST. It's in a steel vault. Away from Shane. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. can't crack it.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. SEDAN ..don't do anything `til I get there. Bill's cell phone rings. Silently spying on Shane. She looks stricken.EXT. Everyone reacts happily. GARAGE . relieved. sir.. excited.. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Julie sits beside him. TO: INT... TO: INT.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. An ominous pause. Okay. GARAGE . Except for -. I've been trying all night. CHUN CUT BACK . revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. MRS. and hangs up. W e PUSH INTO the house. don't do anything further. Do you have it? SHANE No. pleased. After we turn this in to my CO. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. We'll be there shortly -. BILL . Bill reacts.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Through a window. he answers it.
. The fish tank is clear. should be home soon. in the next room.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. Kids singing a beautiful. Shane -.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. JULIE'S HOUSE . J JULIE'S P. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.they hear. in shock. She trails off.. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. The rug is vacuumed..V. Lulu? You should be happy. so they probably trashed the place. comes into the dark hall. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. Julie and Bill hop out.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.O..SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. HOUSE . Tongue-tied. SHANE You guys better get ready. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). I 85. KIDS VOICES . INT. he has no answer. LULU But.: The house is spotless. Bill is carrying her suitcases. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.SHANE He goes silent.
then salutes back) Good job.. ( B 6. Peter is fresh faced.. smiling. a capella) . Julie goes to the. no dishes in the sink. Dumb-struck. Shane sees Bill enter. picture- . INT.. She staggers to. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. KITCHEN .. mom. ZOE Welcome home. for a thousand years. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. BILL (he smiles wryly.. Julie starts bawling. She sees.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. 8 JULIE almost faints. S SHANE Captain. Lieutenant.. Bill steadies her. The Kids rush forward and hug her. Zoe is in a conservative dress. INT...CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. featuring Todd. Across the room. Lulu has bows in her hair. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. DINING ROOM .(singing. with songs they have sung. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.
At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. anywhere you want. Bill stops. Shane continues. You just name it.. SHANE That's kind of you. Bill holds the pronged key. BILL I should hope not. ILL I'm really proud of you. all I've never known is the military. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . S S 87. GARAGE . reluctant.. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets.. an ANGRY VOICE. And I think I want to explore that some more. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. pause) But I'll have to think about it.INT. Don't get me wrong. I'm giving you your choice of assignment.. Suddenly. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. surprised.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. Sir. Shane.
He turns.. SHANE'S POV woozy. and Mrs. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. startled. he looks up as he drops. confused.. He is losing consciousness. Mrs.... Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Disoriented. Shane peers in confusion. Shane shoots Bill a glance.Shane and Bill spin.. and starts to fall. MRS. startled.. Chun comes closer.. There were delays. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. then passes out. Mr. relishing a second of glory -. . CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. B 88..when suddenly. GUNS DRAWN. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. hane takes control! He smiles. He takes a submissive position. Chun. Shane puts his hands behind his head. CLOSE-UP .SHANE Lights out. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry.. while SLAMMING their heads together.. reaching for Bill's key. Things are spinning..
FADE IN: INT. and it CLICKS. They anxiously tiptoe. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. reaching. Chun approach the steel door. Chun) secures the room. Bill and Mrs.with me.. Bill checks the knots binding the children.. 9. (to Mr. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. ILL North Korea pays better. exit. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. NURSERY . The floor is covered with square tiles. tied up. The door HUMS. The Korean Man (Mr. Chun) Keep an eye on them. Peter has a JUICE BOX. Inside is a dark corridor. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. livid.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. Bill and Mrs.DAY Shane lies unconscious.. 8 Bill grins. INT.BLACK. You -. Julie glares. INT. bright and white. So did the Department of Defense. JULIE I trusted you. He GAGS the kids.. with two . then slides OPEN! enter. They whimper.. GARAGE .. scared. closing the window shades. Beside the safe is a red switch. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Charles trusted you. The Kids are furious. They THE VAULT! Spare.
off shoulder eyebrows. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. HOUSE . A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Chun is Bokay. the Chun spins. The air is filled with an ominous. MRS. like a monstrous computer. Mrs. CHUN But I've got some C4. But behind her back. but the of her jacket is on fire. MR.. Mr. She confidently strides toward the safe -. MRS. then Mr. Lulu "looks" scared. quickly assuming a fake bound position. With a rapid blur of finger-work... BEEPING. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat.. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. Tyler GASPS. eyeballing them icily. then leans back against Zoe. He sneers. startled -. Lulu frowns. Mr. completely SINGED OFF. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. It's set on ARMED. done.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.S. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. Chun whirls -. Chun guards the kids. Bill eyes the safe. she unties Zoe! Then -. had eyebrows. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.needing a distraction.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls..and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. INT. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.SAME TIME Mr. as if she hadn't moved. she hits her panic button! O. CHUN Just.. horrified -..the Kids look innocent. low-pitched HUM. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.
The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Chun looks at Lulu.W Z 90. when he's at her level. Mr. Chun's leg. Lulu runs.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist.. Mr.. Chun's head. he steps closer. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. then. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's face. Chun laughs: MR. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. slamming the door behind her. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. . snake-like move. Skeptical. BEHIND TODD .. he drops to his knees in pain. It HURTS. she KICKS him right in the nuts. They untie Julie. Chun scowls. CHUN That's cute. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Mr. Mr.. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. HAM without warning.
his face COATED in white. M E M 91.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. DONNGGG -..SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.doorknob. Chun falls back from the door. He yells out furious! MR. they're trapped inside. INT. INT. I INT. Bill lurches into view.CONTINUOUS Mr. She SCREAMS. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. Chun punches the door. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. clutching her! The ...CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .but as Julie exits. NURSERY . INT. FRONT DOOR . He sticks his face out the hole.. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . Chun's face. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.. making a small hole. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. but the door won't budge. NURSERY ..CONTINUOUS Mr.
ARGHH! driveway. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. unsure. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. They start to run back. they're not going anywhere.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. Chun THE RADIO. MR. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. HOUSE . as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. then nod and run to the side garage. INT.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.I've got the keys.kids are horrified. speaking in Korean: RS. HOUSE . Mrs. MINIVAN .CONTINUOUS r.. EXT. Chun listens to Mr. Chun comes racing around the house -...as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. CHUN Chun falls. She floors it. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. .
oe runs a yellow. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. INT. Then.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine.. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. chilled. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. Mrs. Julie GASPS. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. INT. a CRACKLING of static. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM.. B . lying on the concrete. Don't make me kill you too. Chun exits the vault. holding a military RADIO.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. They step past Shane's body. GARAGE . I wouldn't have killed him so soon.Charles didn't tell me about the room. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. It's getting old. VAN . She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. leading her to the secret door. gaining on them.
. He does something we can't see. Then -. EXT. my husband has question: MR.DAY The vehicles race. everyone looks down.. Do it. BUSY STREET . I'll get you in. half on the sidewalk. The men stare down. Bring them back unharmed. Bill deciding if he can trust him. emotional.93. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.SHANE They look over -. as Zoe drives. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.he clicks "talk" on the radio. to cut them off! INT. ANGLE .. just please don't hurt anyone. ILL . SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code.) Bill. He tries to pass them on the right.. Surprised. MINIVAN . Chun zooming by. SHANE (O. they might wreck. Bill.Shane is standing in the doorway.S. MRS. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. BILL Change of plan. Bill uncuffs Shane... CHUN Mr. ill eyes him. don't hurt the kids. It's B risky. ZOE . It's like a chariot race.
TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. In the van. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. crayons. disoriented. and loses control. Mr. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun holds Julie. triumphant.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.. Chun off for a beat. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. . orange peels. INT. Chun SCREAMS... Chun ROLLS UP his window. Exasperated. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Hair spray.What's taking you? 94. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mr. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. Shane is figuring his options. Bill waits impatiently. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Zoe looks over.. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them... She Mr. It throws Mr.. M R.. Mrs. SECRET VAULT . Peter laughs.
. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. Tyler! Bill reacts. Lulu. . Shane steps forward . Shane gets up.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Shane steps forward. Watch. Todd.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. Peter. landing on his hands and knees. Bill laughs. Shane leaps back. go get it -. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. in pain. BILL Code or no code. ill cocks his gun. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. puzzled.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. sending him flying backwards.now.. confidently: J B B 95 .A bewildered beat -. He speaks aloud. over one beam and ducking under another -. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Shane SQUIRTS it.
He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. When you're down and low.. not quite centered to the room. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. And you haven't got a chance.NOTHING HAPPENS. Julie relieved. then back: smiles.. Shane LAUGHS sharply.SHANE Shane's thinks. Calmness comes to Shane's face. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. . and do the Peter Panda Dance. E 96 . He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). NOTHING HAPPENS. He steps sideway. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. CLOSE-UP .. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . Something she said. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He feels the Groove.. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. just like the crabs do. Bill and Julie share a look -. lower than the floor. across two tiles. Again -. fearlessly. Shane he steps forwards. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. He takes a deep breath. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.they have no idea what he's laughing about. He thinks.
his focus gone. BUSY INTERSECTION . They have my mom. they're FLYING. 9 7. Don't follow me! . not the brake. Zoe blows past it. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. Inside is the Cute Cop.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. and our bodyguard -. The Squad Car's lights flash on. 5-0. ZOE Come on.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. EXT. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. from the ceiling. Use the gas. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. he'd be toast. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. If he'd been standing.it takes a while. When he steps back -. and he catches up with the minivan -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing.
Claire frowns. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY.. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. The Squad Car is on its tail. in a cloud of smoke. Then better jump quick. SUBURBAN STREET . is Mr. .. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. She shakes her head. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. Zoe U-turns. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. nervously. It's acid. EXT.. 98. INT. sliding forward. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. NECK-BRACE. at a safe distance. the Minivan SPEEDS by.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. EXT. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. I accept full responsibility. Suddenly.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. Squad Car turns around and chases her.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. and speeds back towards her house. Following the chase. SCHOOL . PLUMMER BASEMENT . almost running it off road. My intelligence proved to be faulty. but if I had more resources. like there ain't no floor.. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. concerned. pool of liquid. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.
to calm down) Almost done. sir.. What do you say -. to the left of the HOLE. Shane. Chun to go first. The whole room goes SILENT.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. He holds his breath just in time. pulling Julie along. "Just hold your breath." . 99. She gestures back: you go. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Whew.and walks across the room. Beat. The Booby Traps are disarmed. And you betrayed all of that. Bill looks around. Nothing happens. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Finally. Chun follows. I knew you'd figure it out. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. The safe's red light turns green. Immediately. He lands in front of THE SAFE. BILL I'll take that as a "no. almost done. if you're willing to join up. disgusted. He nervously steps forward . BILL Thank you. Bill signals for Mrs." He jumps. He's relieved -. Mrs. and jump to the left.he waves his hand over the floor.. You were always my best man. Shane scowls. It's a stand-off. and jumps back. Bill takes a breath -.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. All that we stand for. BILL (CONT'D) You know. Bill shrugs.
then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.Mrs. Shane shrugs. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. You open it.Bill turns to the safe. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. MRS. Chun LEAPS onto his back. SIZZLING. Bill LUNGES.. Bill gestures to Mrs. head. Mrs. I think you better open it. BILL (CONT'D) . but Shane gazes coldly. Chun reaches out. SHANE There will be no mercy. BILL None requested. then PUNCHES him in the gut. hitting Bill's arms. She turns it. . Bill is incensed.. unrelenting.. Reluctantly . her hair on end. Chun. trying to read Shane's poker face.. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. Nothing happens. I walked the floor first. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Full of himself. Something's not right. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Relief. But suddenly Mrs. shaking from the voltage. then catches himself. and touches the dial. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. He starts to reach for the dial. Chun doesn't budge. Bill is off guard. Shane reaches for the safe.. legs! He's crazed.. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.
She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. The Police Cars . and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. SHANE You're a. K. Shane tumbles. Shane struggles to lose her. She catapults.BILL He steps over Shane. They punch. It's clear the both have the same training. unable to gain her balance.. Bill is charging him.. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. which Shane deflects -. saved. SHANE . terrible neighbor. But he's unforgiving. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. SIRENS wailing. then whispers/sings. ANGLE . Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.they tangle like pro's. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. he drops and FLIPS her. He jumps to his feet. landing on his back in front of the safe. good night. delivering a series of hard punches. stumbles backwards across the room.. everyone is SCREAMING. She smiles. knocking her out. OOF! Bill tumbles. Leering mercilessly. Suddenly. Shane narrows his eyes. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. spin. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. the wind knocked out of him. tottering. chase after. PLUMMER'S STREET . Shane COLD-COCKS her. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. IN THE VAN. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.O. connecting only occasionally. Shane shakes his head.! EXT. Say. kick.. then runs to grab her outstretched hand.
SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other.SAME TIME Total commotion. INT. But it's too late. SECRET VAULT . the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Now we can go back to our peaceful. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.. then BRAKES. grateful. GHOST. It's finally over.and hits a tree. They look in silence.. She smiles at Shane. The Kid spill out and run. Then -. smoke BURNING from the tires -. HOUSE . Whoa.. Shane steps out.. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . SHANE .a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. then look in the safe: Inside. Shane gently removes it.O.101. Cops surround them. from the car. The garage door raises. The kids clamber from the van. The van SKIDS. JULIE Thank you Shane. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. with their hands raised.
He's disheveled and manic. helpless. But then -. officer. you're in a lot of trouble.. Shane weighs his not so many options. The Cops are unsure what to do. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Zoe. ZOE But. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. He scoffs. vaults onto Chun.a CRAZED SCREAM. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Julie and Shane Freeze.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. CHUN (O. Cops cover Shane and Julie. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes... Mr.. and grabs the MR. Numerous. uh.. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Even Chun is amazed. Chun stands inside the gate.. Nobody is sure what to do.S. MR.CUTE COP FREEZE. Shane spins. I suggest you call the FBI.. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. as he turns his head. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. triumphant. Now. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. 10 2. Silence.
I. Wolfe. ANGLE .I. AGENT Mr. PLUMMER HOUSE . DISSOLVE TO: EXT..I. CLOSE-UP . swelling with pride. F . AGENTS swarm the area. reaches for his radio. Julie huddles with the kids.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. CLOSE-UP . LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. Agent.rocket launcher.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. watching the FBI Agents work.B.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. that was nice work.B. COP I think I'll call the FBI. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. then walks off. GARAGE .SHANE He breaks into a big grin.. INT. You're a one-man battalion. F. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. 103.B. SHANE Just doing my job. Shane examines it.LATER F.I. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. he .B. Shane talks with an F.
Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. A tear comes to her eye. You're the superior office.. Mock-angry. SHANE Well. Peter. then Julie found the key. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . I don't know.. On. say -. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission..Maui? . Her siblings. And to tell the truth.. Summer's almost here. from the safe.. Tyler. here. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Julie.. You tell me. She sees. He looks around: at the family. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. EXT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.I want to say: I love you more than anything. Does it itch? Yes. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. re-conning the situation.. and gather around. Todd..CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.Yes. He looks at Claire. a letter. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. Zoe. Shane looks at her. I always have. Lulu -. The Plummers hug each other.. I'm kinda. fallen onto the floor. 104. SHANE . and Julie notice.. I'm on dry land.
Lulu turns to Shane. P ETER Love you.SHANE This is too much. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. I'm gonna .. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe .that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. ZOE But. Shane. He wipes his face. squeezing them off the ground. Zoe gives them a look -. She puts out her hand. TIGHT . come here you. Thank you. sad. baffled. SHANE Claire beams. The Plummers all approach. He starts to head off. LULU This is it. Shane bawls -. SHANE Ah. Your work here is through. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.. Guess you have to go now.he can't keep it in.. Like he did. For everything.his medal.he hugs the whole family at once. Julie looks up. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.Sir yes sir. A long beat. interrupting. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. 105. He puts them down. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. to shake his.. He squeezes her hand around it.
She is surrounded by her children. A STANDING OVATION.a Michael Jordan dunk. In SLOW MOTION. The performers take their curtain . Shane stands. rapt. until he sits back down. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. his hair combed. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. They all watch. VICTORIA THEATRE.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Julie watches in astonishment. You Are Sixteen begins. beaming with pride. BACKSTAGE ." Hearts swell. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Todd spins. Shane watches with bated breath. Farewell." In the audience. It's fantastic -. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. hit your marks. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. the little Brownie Troop. Scott: in a suit. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Claire: dressed to the nines. even Murney.
Shane smiles.imsdb. FADE OUT. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. THE END http://www. He humbly steps into view -.and the house goes crazy.html on December 9 2010 . Thundering applause.-The. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Mission accomplished.com/scripts/Pacifier.calls. touched.
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