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March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
. they're almost out of ammo. hauling the Professor up. when I say it. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. SHIP'S HOLD . but can't get free. .CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. Up to his nose. Plummer screams. PLUMMER How did you know where I. I'm gonna get you outta here. him his oxygen. to the roof. Shane removes his mouth piece.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. He's gone. But you have to do exactly what I say. terrified. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. EXT. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. As the water rises. My way -. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist.no highway option..to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. United States Navy. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second.. ON THE DECK . SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.SIMULTANEOUS 4. When it finally opens. INT. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water.. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. One of our SEALS calls out to them. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. He tries force the door open.. over his head.
EXT.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. INT. OCEAN'S SURFACE . Shane takes a deep breath. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. clearly he loves this kind of day. more!" They do. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. INT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. then disappear gracefully back into the water. SHIP'S HOLD . and pulls himself. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. terrified. HELICOPTER .The Seal calls out: "shoot more. He . until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. HELICOPTER . Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. 5.. Hold on. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. SHANE INT. holding the Professor. pulling the Professor in behind him.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer..
Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.. shutting him up. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.. CHARLES I'm safe. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Charles stops Shane.. We have to keep moving. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . I'm just not big on chit chat. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. thank you. rotors whirling slowly. waits. Lieutenant. the Professor looks terrified. CHARLES Lieutenant. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.beside him. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. . That was the most incredible..A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. Please. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. She thinks I'm dead.. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth.. how'd we. PLUMMER Oh my God. Not imperative to the mission. I can't believe you. EXT.
All goes . INT. WHAM. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey..Charles picks up his briefcase. you want to see it? Negative. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. Todd. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.couldn't crack it. then hands him his satellite phone. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Shane considers. Peter. I do security. Shane looks at him. Shane drops. Lulu. The briefcase pops open. Designed it myself... SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. RUN!!! black. that's my specialty.. Charles dials his cell phone. Tyler.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. knocked unconscious.. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code.. SHANE We're almost ready. DEAD. back to him. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. PILOT sits... I have a picture of my kids in here. I'm alive.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. puzzled. It's voice activated. PAVE HAWK . Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. and talks. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. Charles dials.
Captain. HOSPITAL . Everything is ablaze. He sees Charles.. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. He takes a long look at Shane.V.friendly. He looks around. There is huge explosion.7. PAVE HAWK . I know sir. sir.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. Shane reaches out. SHANE'S P. but he does it anyway.: Everything is a blur. His arm and face bandaged. A Huey Helicopter lands.. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. despondent. unassuming. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. as the chopper ignites. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. in slow-motion. and takes Charles' Briefcase. HOSPITAL . Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. He holds a REPORT in his hand.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.it hurts to salute.O. SHANE . Bill sits down beside the bed. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. barely conscious. You're the best man I ever trained. And a good friend. unconscious. EXT. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.
Shane sits up. and sits opposite Shane.SHANE He had to call his family... BILL . A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.H. disappointed. disconnects an IV. Bill considers this.S. 8..H..S.. he pulls off bandages. Invigorated.T. and starts to rise. Thank you. He pulls up a chair. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.. BILL Not a surprise. I. He called it G. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.T. G. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. is still out there.. SHANE Sir. Bill shakes his head. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter.. appreciate your confidence. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. I'm gonna need the mini sub. as I stated in my report. really. It's not that kind of mission. . Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. He can't believe his good fortune. SHANE The case was empty sir.O. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase.a genius.O. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. Then.
. anyway. Shane is shocked. Shane Wolfe.T. Searched the place. I'll call you in an hour. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.H. maybe it isn't. I got a call from the professor's wife.... SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. Either way. presses play. hearing the dead man's voice. CUT TO: INT.S. sir. I've never been very good with kids. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Not even when I was a kid sir. I should go. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.if anything happens to me.. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. It's just that. The family's scared.. SHANE'S APARTMENT . He's a good man.. I'm alive.O. Maybe it is. call Lt. intrigued. sir.Shane listens. and protect them. is in that house.. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago.) Honey. BILL . top to bottom. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. BILL The professor's wife requested you. (MORE) 9. CHARLES (O.NIGHT . we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.S. Whoever killed the professor must think G.. Shane is surprised. She told me someone had broken into her home.. Widow. I need someone to stay at that house. I love you.
if you're with the Hare Krishnas. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. .AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. identical to the one he wears. night vision goggles. Shane double-checks the address. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. Shane looks down -. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. Hm.O. ready for anything. 10. they all go in. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. also identical to the one he wears. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.and sees LULU. camouflage vest.Shane packs his duffel bag. SUBURBAN STREET . Lulu eyes Shane. He reaches in.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. He rejects it. Shane looks like a bad ass. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). with toys all over the lawn. Shane eyes Lulu. peering up at him. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. EMALE VOICE (o. The sprinklers go off. EXT. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants.then the door swings open. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.. and pulls out a small. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. It SQUEAKS.. Shane's P. we're not interested. Shane heads to the door. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. 8.V. machete..s. He looks at for a moment.. Shane frowns. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
the family eats dinner. I think it could contain GHOST. 14. The phone RINGS inside. This could all be over! BILL (o..s. INT. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. Julie and Shane share a look.NIGHT Shane. it's Bill Fawcett. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . LIVING ROOM . Through the window. Julie casually answers it.s. Shane. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. listening to the conversation. Helga will .) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland.. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. through the kitchen window. BILL (o. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.) Julie.MORNING stand hug Julie. Swiss law says only his family can access it.) There's a catch.Nighttime -.s.. I have some potentially good news. entersJULIE I'll be there. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. JULIE That's wonderful. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. INT. with her suitcase.. We slowly pull out.
.. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. H S . all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. No. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. ZOE Mom -. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Plummer. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant....we'll be fine. I'll be back in 48 hours. .handle everything. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.. Mrs. And on the phone. Helga will take care of everything else. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad.. They'll be safe with me.. And on the back door. I'm gonna miss you.. do it. I am a mom. SHANE Don't worry. And guys. chill. HELGA Everything will be fine.. it's my job to worry. I love you guys. are you licensed to kill? . it's just. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble.
.. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.. elga stomps out. He shuts off the - . Immediately.. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL.WHRRP! Shane ducks. can't find him. INT. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.. Gary suddenly FLIES by . I make bottle. SHANE (CONT'D) .he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. Shane turns off the light. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the.s. You do something. pouring in Cheerios. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears.NIGHT Shane.5. on a short ladder. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM .. when in the corner of his eye -. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Shane shakes his head. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. Shane heads down the hall.NIGHT hane rushes in -. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. INT..
fine. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled.BACK YARD . Shane runs. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. tool. I'll call you. ZOE Okay. runs off. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE So you're the one who broke in. ZOE He's my boyfriend. 16. calling out from across the street. . They both tumble to the ground.. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. come on Scott. house like a marionette. SHANE Not with this kid. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. but alright... He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys.. jumps onto the trampoline. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.window alarm and sneaks out silently. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Shane LIFTING him in the air.go back inside.. EXT. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. S COTT . SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. Zoe! . He's dazed. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. Zoe -.
no accent) We speak English.. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. SHANE My apologies. fuming. SHANE MRS. THE CHUNS. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff.NIGHT .. We had an intruder. huh baby-sitter? Mr. They're arguing with each other in Korean. and we found this in our pool filter. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . The Alarm's still blaring. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Shane's about to head inside.. so we're up kind of early. Look. Shane addresses them. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. I INT. Sorry.Zoe storms inside. CHUN . Shane stands there.. MR. PLUMMER HOUSE . pop their heads out. we own a bakery. The alarm stops. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway.. Oh. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. MR. CHUN (perfect English. Oh. Kojak.. A simple misunderstanding. CHUN Thanks a bunch.
lower than the floor. Shane shuts her door. . Zoe falls backwards into the room. Bite me! Shane frowns.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. continues down the hall. Shane flips her foot in the air. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane marches back down the hall. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night.s.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. bangs on Todd's doorLights out. She has to hop on one foot. You should have told her the truth. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door. SHANE Not anymore. S W 1 8. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. to not fall over. Loud. ZOE Who do you think you are -. And you feel like you ain't got a chance.) sing). He "hops" her down the hall to her room. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low.
Three steps forward. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. The Children. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. INT. in bed -. he wriggles on the floor. . then "crab-walks" sideways. HOUSE .groove. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib.laugh and laugh. just like the crabs do. Shane shakes his head. one step back. PLUMMER HOUSE .DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. to their beds. warm orange light. In the bedrooms. and do the Peter Panda Dance. T Z Z T 19. Then jumps up. Peter in his bed. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. She does. EXT.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep.
Covering their ears.. TODD'S ROOM . not understanding what's happening. INT. S . HALLWAY . Move.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. 20 ..! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. carrying the crying baby.odd is out cold. Todd blinks groggily. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. like she's been electrocuted. Suddenly his door flies open -.MORNING Todd sits up. L Move. disoriented. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.m. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. oe is wrapped in blankets. Not in front of the kids. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Helga runs through in hair curlers.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. half-asleep and angry. ODD It's Sunday. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. motionless. You're insane. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT.
Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. L 21. sucking on a bottle. lined up tallest to shortest. INT.do you. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. KITCHEN . What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind.do you. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. ladies. HELGA (She curses Again.LATER The children are assembled.. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.. No highway option. in Romanian. Your behavior is unacceptable. shocked.he gives him a look of disbelief. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up.. .) Shane's jaw drops. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.
Angry. He tries the knob. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. where's the older male? There were five. but it's locked. ZOE He's in his room. Shane bangs hard on it. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Never take them off.. Red 2. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Red baby. SHANE Tracking devices. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . S ULU (CONT'D) . So you are -. Touch that -.a tense silence. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Everyone stares blankly -. The panic button is only for emergencies.and you do it. End of chain. ZOE I am not wearing that. Now that I know I can't trust you. P eter farted. wait. he's furious. He yells at her. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. INT.you better be dying.. Everyone cracks up. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. I tell you what to do -.(pointing) Red 1. Red Leader. or you're dead. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Shane tries to maintain decorum.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. Shane bounds up the stairs.Shane starts to speak then thinks better...
. patrolling. INT. The entire frame collapses.. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. and head down the hall.they glare at Shane. hits Shane on the head.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. to her room. He has to go. Oops. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Zoe comes up the stairs. then CRASHES inward. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. She stops at Todd's door -. INT. INT.MORNING . A piece of the ceiling falls.a FLUSH. PLUMMER HOUSE . I can fix this. Shane steps aside.. If you'd been wearing it. Todd nods in agreement. Down the hall -. this wouldn't have happened. and Todd comes sauntering back.SMASH! The wood CRACKS..22. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist.LATER ZOE . HALLWAY . He sees Shane. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. the destroyed door and wall.
He pretends to be a ghost. HALLWAY . Shane turns. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it.WHACK -. Lulu SHANE Hey. hard. just as -. INT.LATER .S. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. PAPERBOY (O. He rushes for the front door. to see that Peter is chasing her. I don't know.the rumble of a car approaching.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. hey. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. L S 23. He said there's a ghost. Really? His eyes light up. he hears something suspicious -. clicks his alarm remote opens it. And then it hits Shane. His head shifts. Lulu hides behind Shane. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. Daddy even said so. Peter Booos again. wearing a towel as a sheet. LULU This house is haunted. Peter! screams.
Shane walks slowly down the hall. listening for hollow spaces.. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Shane scans it. as laundry flutters down from above. Nothing. When he hears an alert from his laptop.. then turns his attention to his laptop. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. T IGHT .. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. She screams. all the way down. pushing. MR. scanning the ceiling.. ZOE Here he comes.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. inally. BANGING her head and ass on each step.. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. He goes back to the living room. Searching. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. carrying a huge laundry basket.a creak. Then -. appears. Zoe whispers. feeling.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. F . takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.ZOE AND TODD . STAIRWAY . He RAPS again. I INT.
but can't get the page to turn. If we can't get some faster service. He licks his finger again.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed.DAY Establishing. 25. Not in Switzerland. He feebly gets up. SWISS BANK . The Banker looks at him blankly. He seems to be about 100 years old. Then looks back to the paperwork. then licks his finger to turn the page. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. terrified. SWISS BANK . JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. It's taking him a LONG time. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. INT. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. EXT. looking jet-lagged. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. They wait patiently -. I can't. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. mouthing along in FRENCH. we're going to have to file a complaint. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. . ZOE Uh-oh. Bill can't stand it anymore. this is an urgent matter.They gulp.DAY Bill and Julie. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. He jumps to his feet. BANKER Marcel! out.
Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. HELGA I am calm. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. The duck flies around. How long is that? INT. remain calm -- 26. QUACKING. JULIE Thank you. RING! Amid the chaos. heads to the door -. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. SHANE (CONT'D) . But I can tell you -. As she tries to wrestle it away. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. suitcases in hand.you will have access to the box tout-suite. enters.Another Banker. Shane moves for the phone. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. grabbing her foot. Shane dives. Suddenly. Oui. PLUMMER HOUSE . He DRAGS her back. Peter's in the aquarium. The suitcase handle breaks off. MARCEL.SAME TIME Helga. As soon as your background checks clear. and Helga dashes for the door. Shane picks up the receiver. I QUIT. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.Shane tries to block her path. the chief does not speak English. He grabs her suitcase.
SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Shane lets go. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. He picks up his hand. Shane hangs up the phone. that landed on a diaper..Ah. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Plummer.everything's fine.Helga falls forwards. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Mrs. Helga struggles to get him off. and Shane falls back. EXT. Plummer. Mrs. Shane body-checks it closed. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. (covering the phone.. CRUNCH. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Just doing my..CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. HOUSE . Helga scampers out the door. against the counter. Duty.. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . 27.
KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. if she loves you. ANGLE . Then -. HOUSE . TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. Helga glares back. The 28. He drops his head.. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him.. we're just gonna have some more big fun. INT.he slowly glances up. dumbfounded. in the rear window. to find the kids are all gloomy.. takes a deep breath and strides inside. ANGLE . baby cries.SHANE Rises.. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. she'll come back. In the meantime. SHANE Okay. defeated. . LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. There's been a change of plans.Helga jumps in the cab.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. listen up.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.
. SShane GROANS. Pure self-preservation. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. INT. Only then can we rise to the challenge. CLOSE-UP . everyone bolts from the room. Using the tools as chopsticks. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts.SHANE He gulps. nice moment. takes a deep breath. HEY! Even Peter runs. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. And then -. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. repelled. Until -. I'm Navy.it flops open. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. . BATHROOM . SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. inundated.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. your enthusiasm. holding his nose. 29.. Nobody will help. SHANE Whoa. All for one.
Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet. . Shane tries approaching -. Lulu follows at his heels. then FLUSHES. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. she just stares at him. 30.he can't do it.SHANE The things I do for my country. Lulu is in her pj's. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. She follows. INT. LULU Hi. he looks down to see Lulu. HALLWAY . over and over and over. Lulu doesn't go away. he looks around for a solution..) Thank you. like a puppy. I think you're cute. Aghast. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. SHANE (unsure how to respond. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. making sure all the doors and windows are locked.. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.
I can get lots more of those.BREAKFAST . Lulu looks at him. 31.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. The kids sit down at their designated spots. pulling down the shades on every window. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. proud of his accomplishment. The Kids stare at "breakfast.Shane walks room to room. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. KITCHEN . INT. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. like he's an idiot. and patrols. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. Todd. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. all the kids asleep. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. And I've survived off this stuff for months. All the lights are out." dubious. . Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. in beddibye land.it's time for you take a nappypoo. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Shane smiles. and shuts off her light. little girl. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG.
PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. I can cross my eyes.. trying to hear over the screaming... (then:) Yes. dancing. ladies. He runs away. Peter stands in his chair.. then at Tyler -. Shane answers. too. Shane sighs.here's how it's gonna be.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. If I say in. LULU .. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. crying. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. ZOE He's only two. And the phone rings.. Your mama -. all for one. you stay in. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about.is not here to take care of you now. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. So -.. Wanna see? Negative. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. one for all. Peter starts bawling. . if I say out. We're gonna pull together.. Shane turns to Lulu. you go out. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears....ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.
p. Across his chest. Shane fumbles with it for a while. INT.. LULU We're gonna be late. I know it's Monday. EXT.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. It hits ZERO.. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. He said if you're late again." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . you and Todd are expelled. It just doesn't add up. He wants to see you in his office. dramatically unveiling Shane. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.. The Minivan skids completely sideways.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. SHANE Not on my watch.. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. With your .9:29 A. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE.a death defying..M. into a TINY parking spot -. backwards at sixty m. Oh. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. GARAGE . STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. legal guardian. EXT. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. yes. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. He hangs up. Thank you. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. and at that . INT. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.. GARAGE . sir. A big suburban school.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive.h. Zoe smiles at him.. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . perfect parallel park. innocently.
He withers.. The Kids are seated around him. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. V. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. they needed a parole officer. Looks like Mrs. Top to bottom. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. . She's attractive.. I'm Murphy. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. as he plays on the floor.moment. K thru 12.P in charge of discipline. He glares at Shane. Well. a few days. He's HUGE and mean. You're in my house now. whatever work you can get. boy. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Murney is unimpressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. The Kids crack up. Lieutenant. mortified. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. conduct and truancy. Out of twenty-three. tough. holding Peter on a harness. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Plummer finally listened. Shane. Murney is furious. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. They're the worst students in my school. assured. I coach wrestling. Duane. too. son? SHANE Wolfe.
I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. Red 2. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. I am in charge of. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. staring him up and down. that as vice principal. fuming. impressed. You see. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. The opens the door for Murney. (then. Plummer. SHANE Red 1. Principal Claire eyeballs him. confidential:) My informant's about to crack.. Good. He exits. BELL rings.and suddenly reacts. Mrs.. Plummer called my captain.Good morning kids. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. She told me all about you. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. I think I can handle this from here. Shane checks his TRACKER -. 34. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. What are you doing in my office.. Get moving. huh? You with "The Teams?" The .two little red DOTS move away. as he casually holds the three kids. Claire sees this -. Lieutenant. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. The teens hustle off to their classes.
SHANE . Claire looks nervously around. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. She lifts her pants leg.. dead serious. Welcome aboard. The 35... (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE Can't be too careful. and the way I run my school. Just try not to frighten the children. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. to balance Shane. So. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. That's the way I live my life. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". SHANE . Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. Service paid for my college. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. On the spot.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.MID-MORNING seeShane. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE "Honor.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.(Shane nods. Courage..
picks up a pair of binoculars. Now -. He checks his tracking device. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.. Shane closes the computer. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. Lulu sees Shane and waves. BINOCULARS P. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. CAFETERIA . sitting in the back row of a class. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. delighted. INT.. . in line to get lunch. two. turns her back to him embarrassed.V. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw.. Save us both a world of pain. Beside Shane.. Official Business. one.O. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat.V. yanks his hood over his head. Todd. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Black Hawk coming in. Zoe.O. like a tether ball.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. does the same.Clean as a whistle. with stern intensity. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. in Shane puts down his binoculars.last time: Open the hanger. Todd. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. He turns to the person front of him. SHANE Give up now. 36 .
man.. you don't. huh? Shane gives her a look.I out rank you. (she looks at his chair) Well. (she toasts.Tyler gurgles. SHANE Hey -. You're on dry land. A whole day.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. I guess. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. with milk. Seriously. When you agreed to serve your country. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness.but you're pretty good at this. Shane sighs.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. you know. lieutenant.. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. Mr. Claire smiles... Principal Claire smiles. . Sure. Can I call you Shane? . Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. not so dry where you're sitting. Tyler laughs. ignoring him. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. I'm impressed. Oh.) Shane. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. He yanks Tyler away from him. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. 37.
VP Murney is watching. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. impressed. (Todd) 38. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. the crowd freezes. cheering. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Zoe. and "punches fists" with him. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Look at him. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. unusual. Personally . next week's tournament is off.. LUNCH-LINE . Then vice principal Murney steps forward.That's. As soon as they see the Principal.. MURNEY You heard the lady. Murney smirks. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. I don't care who starts it.. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. in the crowd. INT. but not stopping it. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. MURNEY He did..
man. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. yeah. stopping an inch from Shane's head. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. The Bell rings. Boys'll be boys. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. I'm on duty.. 39 .total control. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Murney approaches Shane. flinch. SHANE . we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite.. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. . SHANE . MURNEY Pretty slick. Frogman -. Sorry. Nice moves. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. He'd kill you so fast. sticking the landing. the crowd breaks up. MURNEY Oh. Maybe you could stop by practice. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Todd lunges at him. sir.. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. what do you say? Come on. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder..I'm a black belt myself. (low. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Maybe some other time then. promise I'll go easy on you. Murney.. Don't even think it. That's right.I think that's a little harsh.Todd lands on his feet..
2:55 Shane looks exhausted. But. Tyler is crying.. as he keeps watch. Roger that. doing a shoulder roll. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Have fun. holding Tyler out like a grenade. Not my job. Lt. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.change him. SCHOOL HALLWAY . He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Panicked. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean.. Bathroom's down the hall. It leads him to a door. SHANE Oh -.. minus taxes. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day. The Principal strolls up. Emergency! SHANE INT. Shane recoils in disgust. Just then.. for one who'll eat. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. INT. Uh.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM . and not cry. Then Shane smells what she means -.CONTINUOUS ... following his tracking device. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. 40. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. another dollar twenty.INT. He bursts though it.Tyler's diaper is full.
41.the Class applauds. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Thanks. Shane makes a right. I INT. with the Panic Button in her hand. Shane lands in fight stance -. At that moment. He hands her to the Principal. He speeds away after them. but the FINAL BELL rings.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He leaps out of the minivan. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. EXT. racing down the road ahead of Shane. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. almost tipping the minivan. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. He blasts through a red light. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. are heading away from the school fast.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. SHANE EXT. through the fence. BUSY INTERSECTION .Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . CONSTRUCTION SITE . EXT. EXT. They make a sharp right.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. HALLWAY . Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. Shane is furious. his Tracker Alarm sounds again.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Lulu is in front of the class.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2.
He catches his breath. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE .then gasps -. you're about to get a beat down. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. He takes a deep breath and dives under. Shane lowers himself down. then checks his tracker. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. IN THE MANHOLE .It's dark and dank. He winces. Shane easily takes them out. feet away.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.the DOTS are CLOSE. Three Workers rush him. they hear the front door open. ANGLE . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. then checks the tracker -. all brandishing tools. SEWER . From outside. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.then RUN. INT. . The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. SQUISHY footsteps.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Shane pries off the manhole cover. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. Shane trudges through the river of muck. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.section. and charges through.LIVING ROOM . It's horrific.SHANE He's alone. No sweat. and the sound of OMINOUS.
Todd stiffens.b. then covers their noses. The Cop turns to Shane. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. looking like a Swamp Creature. Everyone gasps. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. INT. The Cop looks at them. . BACK YARD . 43 INT. BATHROOM .LATER Shane is in the shower. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Ditto. Zoe checks him out as he goes. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. thank you. The Cop leaves. If you need anymore help... INT. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. .p. Zoe fixes her hair. weird hair. Call. revealing Shane.Then the door swings open. Covering her nose.. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. 16 year old female.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. The smell is BAD.. with a smirk. KITCHEN . That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. She practically GAGS as she passes him. use our nonemergency number. he doesn't say anything. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself..
If we don't sell enough cookies.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. Shane. INT. FAMILY ROOM . we can't go the Jamboree.) Get rid of them. They won't be home `til ten. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. they're staring at him. Lulu starts to sniffle. it's Monday. The Brownies applaud. Mom's our den mother.. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission.Shane enters.a dozen little girls in uniforms. They already think I'm a loser. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. SHANE (O. He looks at it.. And it's not like I have any other friends. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. cringing in disgust.S. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .all junk food. (whispers:) Come on. He sees on the fridge. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. 4 . Monday. pulling Lulu after him. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. in just a towel. LULU We have to. LULU I can't. 4. and whistle. close to tears. You gotta help me out.
I'm scared of you. then drills it into place.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. getting ready to go.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. SHANE Alright. SHANE Good. Shane blows passed her.. They are assembled.. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. ladies. Shane sighs. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. BROWNIE Den Mother? . INT.. INT.. ZOE . back in "uniform.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. Zoe's on the phone. yeah.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. KITCHEN . Here's how it's gonna be. Indian Style. I'm gonna be your den -commander. Tonight. INT. at attention. Shane ushers the Troop out the door.. unpacking boxes of cookies.wait here. . VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. LIVING ROOM . Now -. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. he's a total psycho.. ZOE'S BEDROOM . That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. He's not just locking them -. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. do as I say. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. the other to his back. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.Lulu's about to burst into tears.MOMENTS LATER Shane.
He smiles. NOTHING looks familiar -.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. DRIVEWAY . as he pushes a cart into the store.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. He looks around at the bright. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. hits speed-dial..nothing even looks like food. GROCERY STORE . (she listens:) Hm.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. EXT. 4 EXT. I dunno if that's a good idea. SHANE I gotta get supplies. Snack packs. the camera CRANES up to. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. No. it's like Oz or something.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.. nuts?" EXT.PARKING LOT . I can see you through the window. GROCERY STORE .5. Zoe picks up the phone. INT..."what are you. GROCERY STORE ... ZOE .. Tyler looks at him -. GROCERY STORE . ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.... EXT. he's got us on lock-down. Scott. He sees: a huge. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. but they're . colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. but if anything happens.
In their place are the Chubby Scouts. He laughs. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. . He rips it open. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. GROCERY STORE . How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT..noticing very shy.. One The Brownies take off running. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. chubby CUB SCOUTS. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. menacingly. One of the Brownies spots something.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. before I get my face punching badge on you. EXT. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.. but can't get away. I haven't seen anybody. Finally. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. you Skeever? . dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone.. they're back. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. clutching their boxes. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT .she tugs and tugs. and lets her go. The Cub Scouts high-five. 46 BROWNIE Oh no..
Get in the car. He wears . trembling. Shane's monitor starts beeping. He bends down. 47. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. He firmly tells Lulu.22's. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . He heads toward the Scouts. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts.2ND SCOUT Nope. CHUCK E. BROWNIES No! Shane stops.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. If I don't come back -avenge my death. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. CHEESE . Where? SHANE INT. I'm here to protect you.A LITTLE LATER . SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. The Brownies scream. and points at Lulu's Panic button. you're supposed to take us to dinner. EXT. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Around his neck. we're going home.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. Not cookies. PARKING LOT . Cheese MANAGER. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal.
. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. Cheese automaton band JAMS. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. which causes him to lisp. playing video games and ball. . Shane's watching Peter. this much cyanide. A LITTLE LATER: 48.. the Chuck E. This much The Manager laughs. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle.CHAOS. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese! Wider reveals.. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. On stage. Lulu approaches. The Manager approaches Shane.. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.. skee Brownies are running around.braces and head-gear. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice..
Unless you're scared. LULU The Hulk can.. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. then kicks him in the face. Lulu picks a small female character. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Then he a joy stick. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . stretches. Shane is taking it really seriously.LULU I pressed two player.. then cracks her in half over his knee. Round three starts. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. They begin. Shane even get one punch in -. He checks over his shoulder -. kneels on his head. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. SHANE That's not fair.she pins him to the ground. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. Lulu screams out with her fighter. .Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. I thought you liked combat. He cracks his knuckles. My joystick's broken. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. and then a kick in the face. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. The second round starts. He steps up to the machine. spins her. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Nobody can jump thirty feet. He's really mad.
she's just avoiding Shane's fighter.stop worrying... leaving the sizzling machine. Sparks fly.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. INTERCUT WITH: INT. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. ZOE .. but he can't hit her. come on -. She keeps dancing. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. slamming buttons.. oops too slow.. swinging and missing.take a shot. He is KO'd. LULU You're not even trying. jumping. while he pounds the buttons. the Zhouse is quiet... SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. LULU Too slow. swing and a miss. He and the Brownies sneak away. Shane's really fuming. ZOE Mom -.. PLUMMER HOUSE . HOTEL ROOM ..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. INT.. its joystick dangling by its wires.LIVING ROOM . it's my job to worry.. 50. dancing. Shane's working the joy stick hard. Lulu's having fun now..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE... It's really annoying.
Seriously. I hate leaving you. PLUMMER HOUSE . where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. She turns to Scott. ZOE Dude. who doesn't seem concerned at all.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. counting them. EXT.LIVING ROOM . VARIOUS SHOTS . 51. but you know I have to do this.. not cool. INT.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). I love you. . MALL PARKING LOT . we're okay.in my cell. Zoe rolls her eyes. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. up. JULIE It's only a few more days. And the folks who read my BLOG. The guy's just a control freak.. Don't worry.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. kids everywhere. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . ZOE Dude. this is outta hand. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess.The Plummer House: . ZOE I know. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. loads Brownies into the minivan. everything's cool.
to leave a man behind like that. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. MANAGER Relax. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. gasping.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives.for a long time. Shane grimaces. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. The Manager is watching him. He charges across the room with the diaper. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. move. Whoa. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. Silence. again.they almost always do. Suddenly. SHANE .. He holds his breath. and goes down for the diaper.LATER . He's still down there. is fine. Not okay.. move! Go go! EXT... SUBURBAN ROAD .DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. INT. freestyling in the ball pool -. S 52.. the Brownies follow. We see what he forgot: PETER. He disappears under the balls -. out away from him. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. CHEESE . SHANE Inexcusable.Move.not okay. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. CHUCK E. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. He's holding the diaper. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA.
PLUMMER HOUSE . scared. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in.J. Shane snatches it mid-air -. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. vents.then CRUSHES the ball... Party's over. PLUMMER HOUSE .. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch.. then RUN.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. Outraged. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. He gets out -. EXT. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings.and groans in disbelief. Now. peeing in the bushes. Peter and Tyler up the path. as he pulls up in the Minivan. making out. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.'s turntables. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.. 53.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. Shane takes Lulu. INT.KITCHEN .Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. CLUB lock off the door.. jocks throwing footballs.. Reeling. chugging drinks. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. a total wreck. we're gonna do this . windows. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. at a full run.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. trying to understand. Scott.
. Clean. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .my way -. He fumes. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch.. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. PLOP. They see Shane find the CD. Oh my god. In a bathroom. INT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. CUT EXT. It reads: GHOST. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. INT. Miserable TEENS scrub. through binoculars. as kids clean. Scott and Zoe. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. ladies. residue. and walk out of sight. He holds it up to a KID.. He lifts the sofa... furiously clean. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY .no highway option. straightening -. mopping. Shane's eyes narrow. trying to maintain his dignity.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.CONTINUOUS . Shane goes over them. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. in Playtex gloves. and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He hands Scott the mop. he takes it off. labeled with a Sharpie. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. Scott gulps . SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever.then he notices something. PLUMMER HOUSE .
Todd picks her up. Thanks a lot. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. shaky and furious. Shane stands. Shane hands her a handkerchief. ueasy.. where she throws up. INT. sits down. Shane . ZOE I do too respect myself. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. SHANE You got barf on your tank top.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. He heads upstairs. My friends will never come here again. They show no respect for you or your house. Lulu's crying. she pukes again. Scott's the last one to leave. You're like a robot. Zoe gets up. Because you have no respect for yourself. Zoe blows past him -.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. (Announces:) Company. ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. PLUMMER HOUSE . Rambo.. downstairs! He walks down the hall.. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. helpless.. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. furniture polished. and screams in Shane's face. CUT TO: EXT. After a beat.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. you hate us. outside the bathroom door.into the bathroom. Zpounding on doors.
Suddenly -. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS... all in black BURST in through the window. I'm gone. Red 1. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. The Ninjas attack. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. Go to your rooms. TWO NINJAS. as soon as your mom comes back. SHANE You're right. They leap down after him. SHANE Puberty.. fiercely -. Suddenly. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. Wielding with great skill.the three fight. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. pounding him with their . SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified.the power goes out. close-quarters and fast.. tired) It's Scott.55. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. NINJA GHOST -.. Not even from the enemy. He goes down. Shane spins in fight-stance. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. I'm not the man for this job. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs..they're good. Don't worry. talking doesn't do any good.hand it over! staffs.
The Ninjas move towards him -.knocking him into. 56 INT. Shane runs to the changing table. WHACK. With his foot..like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. and uses them both to fend off blows. . It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.. They step back. avoiding Legos. Shane fends the Ninjas off. blinding him.. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. facing them. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. a squeezes . FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. fiercely. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around.. and flings them all over the floor. several FURBIES hit the floor.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. SHANE Okay -.. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. and grabs it.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. He pulls the string..until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.then the Ninjas charge. Shane crashes down. he hits a Ninja in the head. it makes a silly thunk. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. PLAYROOM . Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. toys fly.
blinded.. that your father invented.. .then the door creaks open. He squints. HALLWAY .Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. SHANE Shhh. Kids.SHANE 57. The cloud dissipates.. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. Todd and Zoe enter. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. Shane isn't sure what to do. He A long pause -.? SHANE They're looking for a program. TODD Who were they? What did they want. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. INT. He sprays it in Shane's face. He really hugs them. quietly knocks.. Shane approaches Zoe's door.SECONDS LATER Composing himself. fearful. and Shane sees he's now alone. It's okay. He runs to the broken window. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. bawling.. He hugs them. Shane bangs the window sill. Then. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. SHANE It's safe. You can open up.. terrified.. disappointed to have lost them. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane... he hugs Peter and Lulu. ANGLE .
too. LIVING ROOM .then they hug him. The kids shudder. Then.. Zoe answers it. They hug him tighter. He looks Zoe. But nothing's gonna happen to you. absolutely nothing pottery . Deal? Truce -.. They shake -.. And I'm not going anywhere. CLOSE-UP ..." And then.they all jump. 58.a long pause. Then. From now on.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. eye to eye.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. the other kids join in.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. and do what I say. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. SHANE They're not after you. I'll listen to you too.. INT. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. They want this. it's been a long night. as long as I'm here. Shane is furious -. all smiles. startled. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. Shane offers his hand to shake. you listen to me. relieved. "Unchained Melody. Soon. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. Zoe laughs: she can't help it.
it's okay. But we're not sure what it is.. They're gone. It looks like some kind of "key". Don't worry -. We just don't know what its for. yes and no. Nope. SHANE Mrs. and Shane emerges with the five kids.. two men tried to get into the house tonight... but they didn't find it. INTERCUT: INT. They were looking for GHOST. SHANE (very genuine) . as soon as the customs paperwork clears. metal two pronged KEY... everyone's fine.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. students run in to school.MORNING Early morning. She holds up the strange. I'm gonna be sticking even closer.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. Plummer. We found something in the box. SHANE No . .happened you should worry about. EXT. You have any luck? JULIE Well. The minivan pulls up. SCHOOL . HOTEL ROOM . JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. Shane takes the phone. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.we'll be just fine.
. MURNEY . LULU'S CLASSROOM .she'll pay for the damage. . VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. So. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. and smiles at Shane. who sits in the back. Zoe sits in a folding chair. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . mortified. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Shane stands off to the side.DAY Driver's Ed. He dips an INT. then BRAKES..LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. reacting each time she HITS the gas. making a mess of an egg. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. a crazed TEACHER next to her." Then. They look concerned. she wrecked a driver's Ed.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. SCREAMING. ANGLE on Lulu. He is gesticulating. shaking his head. egg in some purple dye. I know it's good. squashed at a little desk. EXT. then BRAKES.. Shane nods. Murney stands.. THE GYM . ANGLE on Shane. Principal Claire next to him. HITS the gas. Lulu's classmates all chant. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. car -. sunglasses on. "yeah.INT. Peter 60 She smiles. SHANE Don't worry. An obstacle course with cones.
Shane stops. and I'm not sure what to do.. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. Shane scowls. Todd enters.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. Todd and Zoe stand to go. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Zoe shrugs. And that's not all.yes. what do you expect. .) See if you can talk to the boy. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.it's the boy. giving him a "skinhead" look. SHANE He's not a NAZI. 61. No. and Shane walks them out. I was doing a little recon in his locker..but this is just sick.I'm a bit concerned. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. boys will be boys -. but -. Shane gives Zoe a look. Murney calls into the hallway.... it's not that -. But this. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. (pulls Shane aside.. He does always miss sixth period.... what's going on.That? Lady drivers.
SHANE I'll talk to him. Murney laughs. and keeps walking. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. I'll show you a couple moves. Shane trips forwards to his knees. MURNEY It's a date then. Without warning. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. huh? (Shane ignores him. maybe. 62. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. if you ask me. Kung team: Shane walks away. as he passes. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. I promise I won't hurt you. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Shane.that whole family's no good. we'll give these boys a treat. and leaps at Shane. kicking him in the BACK. and leaves. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . SHANE Another time.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. Shane walks the kids out.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. stretching.. MURNEY You're a good man. and Murney chases after him..
. Shane hops out the window. Keep all doors sealed. he can see Todd.shakes Shane turns back. SHANE Smart kid.. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. Shane parks. and leaves. It's pink. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. TODD'S ROOM . running around the corner. SHANE Wait Todd. peering out her window. so the alarm didn't go off. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. He sees Zoe. preheat the oven. INT. On the corner. Shane screws the window shut. It looks like Shane might fight. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. with a flowered basket.far down the block. Nothing. but he . I want to talk to you. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. He enters. Todd runs towards the house. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. do your homework. keeping the contact. It's small for him. Murney his head. and snickers to his Team. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. PLUMMER HOUSE . but instead he takes a deep breath. Shane looks out the window -. EXT.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63. signal me. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. He starts to shut the window. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. you're in charge. The window is wide open.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
. show's off.What if. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. Shane's glare. girls'll think I'm. TODD .. they quickly assemble on stage. weird or something? 66 .. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Todd looks up at Shane. LIESL We don't have a director. Shane straightens up.. Shane shakes his head. Shane looks at the Cast. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. it's over. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. they're not sure what to do.... SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU.. Liesl chimes in.. Todd looks devastated -.. Chicks dig guys who can dance. SHANE COMPANY -. He smiles.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.. or not? Everyone nods.. BEAT.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever.. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.
SHANE . Shane exits.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.. YES WHAT? SHANE . I know it's no big deal. BREAKING something. INT.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. I won't touch him. He peeks in -. another girl picked up the phone. I don't know why I let it get to me.. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR..What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. SHANE Okay. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. I called him in his room. He hears Zoe in her room.. I promise.LATER .. It's stupid. ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE . you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.. Scott. INT.. LULU'S ROOM . He turns out the light.. No wait! .. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. furious. angrily.Yes.
the little Elf family -. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. setting up the scene with DOLLS. and they came in from the north. (MORE) T S L 8. facility. The elves had to go in and take it out.. To find a secret gnome. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. Stumped.. Went into the magic forest. he illustrates... I 6 . So -they waited for cloud cover. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. ULU Tell me a story. He sits on the bed. on Lulu's floor.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive... where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. As Shane finishes the story. Once there was a family of Elves. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.. Shane looks at her surprised. Let's see.Uh. Uranium... By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.Shane tucks Lulu into bed.
from across the hall. The wails get louder and LOUDER.Rodriquez.. TODD You have to do the dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.mean standing... the teeniest little elf of all -... INT. TODD I'll write it down for you. c'mon. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. and do the Panda Dance.. Lulu's fallen asleep. head in the door.. SHANE Oh. Even.. Like dad used to do. I can't remember that thing. And not one Elf got left behind that day. lower than the floor. S 69. He made it up for him. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. or he won't stop. Then. Peter starts bawling. We got `em all... and whispers to Peter.. Todd calls from the doorway... And you ain't got a chance. Peter WAILS..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Shane sighs. . NURSERY ..
Shane hops forward three times. terrified. T the A 70.. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. and gets in the driver's seat. Peter applauds. Shane turns and catches Mr.. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. staring.Shane sighs. Chun.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. He does the dance as he sings. SHANE Today you drive. with her Gameboy. . SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Shane crab-walks sideways. He sings again. She gets out in shock.MORNING . PLUMMER HOUSE . S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. (Tyler in the snuggle). Humiliated.) EXT. Chun gets his paper..THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. They turn to Zoe. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. through the mirror. (He does. Lulu is next to him. just like the crabs do. Shane. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. GARAGE . The Kids sit bolt upright.. mortified. SHANE What are you looking at? INT.
SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on.I can't even pass driver's Ed.. She pulls out.. Shane is nervous. INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. but trying not to show it. Exactly. no. Keep going. S P . Lulu and Todd are terrified.. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Shane is shaky. jerkily. Touched.ZOE But -. Zoe is surprised.. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. I trust you. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. The Kids share a dubious look. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.. Zoe backs jerkily out. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. MINIVAN . not the road..
. Very funny.Claire BARKS out. trembling. KIDS boisterously run past. ZOE Ha ha ha. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. terrified. Shane's .71. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. EXT. hey head into the school.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. INT. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Suddenly -. laughing. Shane lets him down and heads into school.. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. SHANE Good. Shane spots something.. She's wearing a cute dress. the kids gulp and orderly march away. with a few FRIENDS.. severe stare) Now. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. being obnoxious.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. Scott's terrified. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. Chastened. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. CAFETERIA . and a little make-up. Before Scott knows what's happened. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. Shane unclenches his teeth. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Next lesson. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Claire strides into view. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. 1500 hours. Zoe smiles. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Shane jumps out of the car.
. Love it when he does that. Shane`s not so good at small talk. Wow.eyes alight.. Principal Claire sighs "not again.. She's waiting for him to say. dragging . Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . and offers him a milk. too. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. S T P . you never know who you're going to run into. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. S he sits beside him. Shane leaps over the table. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. something. impressed. sailor? Thanks. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. him by the ear.. It's a miracle." In one move.. She smiles. SHANE hey eat in silence. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. He smiles back. Suddenly..
I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. What're you so scared of. I want to sing. Talk. Todd looks. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Murney turns around.. Yeah I do.. . Freak? The Students snicker. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. M 73. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria.Murney shoves Todd forward. Murney. now it all makes sense. Then: TODD I am not scared. Silence.. It opens Friday. intimidated. MURNEY Winners never quit. MURNEY I've had it. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to.. I quit. Murney gets up in Shane's face. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. I'm right here. No one's sure they heard him right. I. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. TODD Hey.. boy.
The whole team wants to quit.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. Murney did not expect to be called out.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. TODD There is a man in my house -. Todd's telling the truth. Everyone is watching. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. His voice cracks -. humiliated. They look to the ground sheepishly. protecting him. it's scary S 74. furious -URNEY So -. The Gym. Let's do it. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear.Shane steps them.and then a mob of Students. So calm. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. I'm the only one with the guts to do it.it reads: .me. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. Your ass is mine. M urney looks over at the Team. swarm Todd. You suck. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. He storms out.face to face. You win. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. There is a stunned moment -. taking flyers. Murney looks around. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up.
The Wrestlers scream for Murney. shocked. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney lands on his back. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. quietly twitching on the ground. Murney. M URNEY on. The bleachers are PACKED. rushes Shane. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. Shane side-steps. mumbling something. Murney bounds to his feet. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. S 75. grabs onto Murney's waist.sending him right into the wall. Shane throws an arm around Todd. and sweeps Murney -. Shane DIVES OVER Murney.3:00 mat. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. Todd cheers Shane on." INT. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another.BAM. Todd flops to the mat. GYM . SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. and they head out. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. 3:00. hard. WHAM. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -."Murney's getting his ass kicked.
Shane S smiles at her as he passes. 76 SHANE either. too. TO: EXT. Claire. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. FOREST . SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. BUGS. No brownies edible.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects.Dislocated nerve. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. If you're not sure. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. fascinated. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. . The crowd cheers. They walk out. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. that's all. I got my troops waiting. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. LULU We're Brownies. TODD That was awesome. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. Todd. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. When I Rwanda. She gives him a thumbs up.
Shane holds a stopwatch..DAY The CAST is assembled on stage.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. The Kids don't get it.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises...she hits EVERY ONE -.FRONT LAWN . He signals her. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. the Girls PUNCH. PUNCH. INT. MALL PARKING LOT . and. KICK.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. in between punches. she burns rubber. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.. here at the top of the stairs. KICK.. in perfect tempo. He illustrates the stage directions. here. PLUMMER HOUSE . PUNCH. The Duck watches all this -.fascinated. In unison. he reaches out and rocks it. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. MALL PARKING LOT . Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Zoe . He laughs at his own joke. EXT. EXT.we'll put Von Trapps here. OLD FACTORY . by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.." INT. NURSERY . BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.
He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.out and weaves the cones. INT. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.. as and then her BROWNIE uniform.FRONT LAWN . T I E 77. OLD FACTORY . INT.BACK YARD ." Lulu. EXT.. she only clips one. EXT. in we WIDEN back.. They watch closely. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. but doesn't fall. blur. it teeters. Hands a T .. is an empty page/that men will want to write on.3.DAY -"1. mercilessly. PLUMMER HOUSE . ODD .DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. Shane gives her a signal. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards.. PLUMMER HOUSE .. He counts begins wriggling free. NURSERY .2. your life little girl. MALL PARKING LOT .. EXT. The Brownies attack.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled..
PETER (going to sleep) Good night.he's got it down.EVENING . 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Graceful. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . He kisses Peter on the forehead. he almost bursts into tears. NURSERY ." Singing and doing all the moves -. INT. Graceful. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. THUD! Gazelle. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -.huh? Now.hard. adding a James Brown flourish. He does a spin kick. now and then. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. Todd tries the kick.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE I'm not your daddy. daddy. But sweet dreams. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Peter Panda. Peter. but blows it. Then he tucks Peter in. Shane is so touched. Peter. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Again. 8. odd tries the spinning kick. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing.
Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. striking a cool pose. tying him.they LAUGH. In one move. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. the Chubby Cub Scouts.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. The Scout struggles. He smiles. see them. Across the lot. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.he sees. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.. FORMATION. INT. The . 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. he lands on the ground hard. As he's comparing prices -. but like lightning. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. scary.in a FLIP. wearing the double snuggle. S SHANE That's my troop.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. she wraps it around his arm. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. the Other Scouts are scared. The Scouts share a look -. proud.MOMMY! She lets him go -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . at their own table. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. 9.. You're gonna have to pay for that. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
SHANE He's left alone. HALLWAY .soldier. A tear runs down Zoe's face. WITH: J INT. She throws her arms around Shane. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. OE I never even got to say good bye. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. J 82. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. the kids are all abuzz. The phone rings. BACK YARD . ANGLE .MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. happy. Shane answers it. talking excitedly. EXT.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . INT. HOTEL . we're on the first plane in the morning.
. hane rises. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Shane sighs morosely. your wings aren't clipped. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON.NIGHT hane turns the light on.. Shane turns. he Duck stares. with. He pets the Duck. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. No reason for personal attachments. unblinking. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.The house is dark. Three squares a day. Kids to play S . the Duck starts quacking. INT. Suddenly. GARAGE . Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. Shane sits in a lawn chair. SHANE Just another assignment. Gary sits in the next chair. I guess I better fix that Playroom window.
The wheel spins. Shane dials a phone. shines it down the grate. leading below the garage. Lulu hands him a tool.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. TO: to S 84. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. only It's solid and inscrutable. and then it gives. Shane looks on stunned. he floor opens. The Kids are watching his progress...SHANE What happened. GARAGE .. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye.. The break in its surface is a strange. Nothing. INTERC UT: B harder. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. Shane steps down it. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. INT. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. He tries muscles rippling. No hinges or cracks. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. He's been trying. we see a CRANK WHEEL. unsuccessfully.. . crack the lock all night.. DISSOLVE INT.
EXT.. It's in a steel vault. I've been trying all night. We'll be there shortly -. After we turn this in to my CO. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Away from Shane. relieved. can't crack it. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. and hangs up. pleased. excited. don't do anything further. GARAGE . W e PUSH INTO the house. TO: INT.Lulu. towards the neighbor's house. CHUN CUT BACK . Do you have it? SHANE No. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. SEDAN . Everyone reacts happily. Except for -. She looks stricken. Through a window.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. MRS.. he answers it.. GHOST. I think I found GHOST..CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. Then we slowly MOVE UP.. Bill reacts. TO: INT. An ominous pause.. sir. GARAGE . Okay. Silently spying on Shane. Julie sits beside him.don't do anything `til I get there. Bill's cell phone rings. BILL . SHANE Sir! Excellent news.
JULIE'S HOUSE . in the next room.they hear. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. KIDS VOICES .V. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. LULU But. She trails off.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. he has no answer. so they probably trashed the place. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. Bill is carrying her suitcases. should be home soon. Shane -. Kids singing a beautiful. in shock. Lulu? You should be happy. Tongue-tied.. SHANE You guys better get ready. HOUSE . INT.. J JULIE'S P.O. Julie and Bill hop out. comes into the dark hall.. The fish tank is clear.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.SHANE He goes silent.: The house is spotless.. The rug is vacuumed. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). I 85.
. Dumb-struck. Peter is fresh faced. Zoe is in a conservative dress. Bill steadies her.. then salutes back) Good job.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. 8 JULIE almost faints. a capella) . Lieutenant. with songs they have sung..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME.(singing. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. mom.. featuring Todd. smiling. Across the room... KITCHEN . picture- . Julie goes to the. Julie starts bawling. DINING ROOM . MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. The Kids rush forward and hug her. She staggers to. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. She sees. Shane sees Bill enter. ZOE Welcome home. for a thousand years. BILL (he smiles wryly. INT. INT. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. ( B 6. S SHANE Captain.. no dishes in the sink.. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Lulu has bows in her hair.
pause) But I'll have to think about it. ILL I'm really proud of you. reluctant. SHANE That's kind of you.. BILL I should hope not. Bill holds the pronged key. Suddenly. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. S S 87. an ANGRY VOICE. anywhere you want. surprised. all I've never known is the military. Bill stops.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. Sir. GARAGE . You just name it. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets... Don't get me wrong. Shane. Shane continues.INT.. And I think I want to explore that some more.
Disoriented.. relishing a second of glory -. There were delays. Shane shoots Bill a glance. while SLAMMING their heads together. He turns.. SHANE'S POV woozy.when suddenly. Chun. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr.SHANE Lights out. He is losing consciousness. CLOSE-UP . GUNS DRAWN... SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head.. he looks up as he drops. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Shane peers in confusion. confused. Shane puts his hands behind his head. Mrs. reaching for Bill's key. startled. and starts to fall.Shane and Bill spin. . Chun comes closer... startled. then passes out.... MRS. Mr. hane takes control! He smiles. He takes a submissive position. B 88. and Mrs. Things are spinning. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry..
At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. closing the window shades. then slides OPEN! enter. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. 8 Bill grins. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. ILL North Korea pays better. INT. tied up. The floor is covered with square tiles. NURSERY . reaching..DAY Shane lies unconscious. They THE VAULT! Spare. Chun) Keep an eye on them.. bright and white. Chun approach the steel door. (to Mr. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. FADE IN: INT. The door HUMS. 9. and it CLICKS. The Kids are furious. Bill checks the knots binding the children. Julie glares.. GARAGE . You -. INT. Beside the safe is a red switch. Peter has a JUICE BOX. He GAGS the kids. Bill and Mrs. scared. Bill and Mrs... Charles trusted you. Chun) secures the room.BLACK.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. JULIE I trusted you. with two . Inside is a dark corridor. They anxiously tiptoe. So did the Department of Defense. They whimper. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end.with me. livid. The Korean Man (Mr. exit.
Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. Chun is Bokay. the Chun spins. But behind her back. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. off shoulder eyebrows.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls..needing a distraction. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" .. Mr. horrified -. startled -. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. Mr. MRS.the Kids look innocent. He sneers. BEEPING. Chun whirls -.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. It's set on ARMED. but the of her jacket is on fire. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. Lulu frowns.. Tyler GASPS. quickly assuming a fake bound position. CHUN But I've got some C4. Mrs. done. MRS. she hits her panic button! O. HOUSE . She confidently strides toward the safe -. MR. then Mr. The air is filled with an ominous. Bill eyes the safe.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.S. INT.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. eyeballing them icily.. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. as if she hadn't moved. Chun guards the kids. completely SINGED OFF. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes... had eyebrows. then leans back against Zoe. CHUN Just. With a rapid blur of finger-work. low-pitched HUM. like a monstrous computer. Lulu "looks" scared.SAME TIME Mr. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat.. she unties Zoe! Then -.
when he's at her level. Lulu runs. Chun's leg.. HAM without warning. he steps closer. It HURTS. snake-like move. slamming the door behind her. Chun's face. Mr. she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Chun laughs: MR. . Chun tries to grab her by the wrist.. They untie Julie. BEHIND TODD . Chun looks at Lulu. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. Mr. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. CHUN That's cute. he drops to his knees in pain. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. then. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Skeptical. Lulu SWEEPS Mr.W Z 90. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Mr.. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Mr..Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun's head. Chun scowls.
He puts his face up to the hole he's made. INT.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.but as Julie exits.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. M E M 91. INT.doorknob.CONTINUOUS Mr. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. INT. but the door won't budge. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . clutching her! The . I INT. Bill lurches into view.. FRONT DOOR . NURSERY ...CONTINUOUS Mr.. DONNGGG -...CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. they're trapped inside. He yells out furious! MR. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . NURSERY . Chun's face. making a small hole. his face COATED in white. Chun falls back from the door. She SCREAMS. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. Chun punches the door. He sticks his face out the hole.
Chun listens to Mr.kids are horrified. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. They start to run back. ARGHH! driveway. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.CONTINUOUS r. MINIVAN .as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. then nod and run to the side garage.I've got the keys. . Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. MR.. INT. She floors it. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. Chun THE RADIO.. Chun comes racing around the house -. Mrs.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. speaking in Korean: RS. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.. CHUN Chun falls. HOUSE . as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.. HOUSE .CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. EXT. unsure. they're not going anywhere.
chilled. Julie GASPS. INT. Don't make me kill you too. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. B . I wouldn't have killed him so soon. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. It's getting old. They step past Shane's body.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint.Charles didn't tell me about the room. gaining on them. Chun exits the vault. GARAGE . Then. oe runs a yellow.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. Mrs.. lying on the concrete. leading her to the secret door. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.. INT. a CRACKLING of static.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. VAN . holding a military RADIO.
half on the sidewalk. I'll get you in. Chun zooming by. ill eyes him. just please don't hurt anyone. He does something we can't see.SHANE They look over -. to cut them off! INT. Bill deciding if he can trust him. BUSY STREET ..S. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.. my husband has question: MR. CHUN Mr.93. they might wreck. BILL Change of plan.. Bill. ANGLE . ZOE . It's like a chariot race. Bring them back unharmed.. emotional. don't hurt the kids. The men stare down. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. It's B risky. Bill uncuffs Shane.) Bill. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code..he clicks "talk" on the radio. MRS. Surprised.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. SHANE (O.DAY The vehicles race. as Zoe drives.Shane is standing in the doorway. EXT. He tries to pass them on the right.. MINIVAN . Do it. Then -. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. ILL . everyone looks down.
Mr.. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Mr. orange peels.. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun SCREAMS.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Peter laughs. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Exasperated. INT. . Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. crayons. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Zoe looks over. Chun holds Julie. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. M R.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. It throws Mr. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.. Shane is figuring his options. Chun off for a beat. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Mr. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. disoriented. and loses control. SECRET VAULT .What's taking you? 94. In the van... CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. triumphant.. Hair spray. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Bill waits impatiently. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. She Mr.. Mrs.
Bill laughs. go get it -. Shane steps forward . Sweat drips down Shane's face. confidently: J B B 95 . puzzled.. Shane gets up.. sending him flying backwards. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane steps forward.now. He speaks aloud. .ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. in pain. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Tyler! Bill reacts. Shane SQUIRTS it. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Todd. Watch. landing on his hands and knees. ill cocks his gun. BILL Code or no code.A bewildered beat -. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward. Peter. Lulu.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane leaps back.
SHANE Shane's thinks. CLOSE-UP . lower than the floor. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Bill and Julie share a look -. He steps sideway. Julie relieved.NOTHING HAPPENS. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. When you're down and low. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. then back: smiles. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. across two tiles.. Shane LAUGHS sharply. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. He thinks. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Something she said. not quite centered to the room. NOTHING HAPPENS.they have no idea what he's laughing about. just like the crabs do. Again -. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. E 96 . fearlessly. Shane he steps forwards. He feels the Groove.. He takes a deep breath. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. . And you haven't got a chance.. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) .
and our bodyguard -.it takes a while. Zoe blows past it. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. When he steps back -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. 5-0. he'd be toast. they're FLYING. and he catches up with the minivan -. They have my mom. Don't follow me! .you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. his focus gone. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. 9 7. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Inside is the Cute Cop.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. from the ceiling. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. ZOE Come on. The Squad Car's lights flash on. If he'd been standing. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. BUSY INTERSECTION . EXT. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Use the gas. not the brake.
. and speeds back towards her house. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. sliding forward. PLUMMER BASEMENT .CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. 98. almost running it off road. nervously. Claire frowns. NECK-BRACE.. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. She shakes her head. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. The Squad Car is on its tail. the Minivan SPEEDS by. I accept full responsibility. It's acid. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.. SCHOOL . like there ain't no floor. My intelligence proved to be faulty. pool of liquid. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. .the The She swerves into the Squad Car. Squad Car turns around and chases her.. Zoe U-turns. concerned. Following the chase. INT. Then better jump quick. in a cloud of smoke. SUBURBAN STREET . EXT. at a safe distance. Suddenly. EXT.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. but if I had more resources. is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.
Finally. You were always my best man. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Beat. The safe's red light turns green. All that we stand for. sir." . She gestures back: you go.and walks across the room. He lands in front of THE SAFE. I knew you'd figure it out. Chun follows. BILL I'll take that as a "no. to calm down) Almost done. And you betrayed all of that. BILL (CONT'D) You know. and jumps back. and jump to the left.he waves his hand over the floor. He flips the switch to DISARMED.. Nothing happens. Shane scowls. Immediately. Bill looks around." He jumps. "Just hold your breath. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. to the left of the HOLE. What do you say -. Bill takes a breath -. It's a stand-off. 99. The whole room goes SILENT. He's relieved -.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Bill shrugs. pulling Julie along. almost done.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Chun to go first. He holds his breath just in time. Bill signals for Mrs. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance.. Whew.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. Shane. if you're willing to join up. The Booby Traps are disarmed. BILL Thank you. Mrs. He nervously steps forward . disgusted.
. MRS. He starts to reach for the dial. trying to read Shane's poker face. BILL None requested.Bill turns to the safe. Bill LUNGES.Mrs. legs! He's crazed. SIZZLING.. Something's not right. Bill gestures to Mrs.. Relief.. then catches himself. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. Shane reaches for the safe. and touches the dial. hitting Bill's arms. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. shaking from the voltage. She turns it. Full of himself. SHANE There will be no mercy. Chun. BILL (CONT'D) . CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. . I walked the floor first. but Shane gazes coldly. Nothing happens. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Chun LEAPS onto his back. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. But suddenly Mrs. Reluctantly .. head. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Chun doesn't budge. Bill is incensed.. Shane shrugs. You open it. unrelenting. then PUNCHES him in the gut. her hair on end. I think you better open it. Chun reaches out. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. Bill is off guard. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. Mrs.
K.they tangle like pro's. he drops and FLIPS her... stumbles backwards across the room. It's clear the both have the same training. SHANE You're a. He jumps to his feet. the wind knocked out of him. She catapults. ANGLE .! EXT. which Shane deflects -. knocking her out. Shane struggles to lose her.BILL He steps over Shane. PLUMMER'S STREET . SIRENS wailing. Bill is charging him. Shane narrows his eyes. connecting only occasionally. tottering. then whispers/sings. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. chase after.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. The Police Cars . everyone is SCREAMING.. saved. kick. landing on his back in front of the safe. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. delivering a series of hard punches. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Shane shakes his head. spin.. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. OOF! Bill tumbles. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. Suddenly. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. Say. good night. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. unable to gain her balance. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Leering mercilessly. She smiles. IN THE VAN. But he's unforgiving. SHANE . then runs to grab her outstretched hand. Shane COLD-COCKS her.O. terrible neighbor. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Shane tumbles. They punch.
Then -. smoke BURNING from the tires -.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. The van SKIDS. JULIE Thank you Shane.101. Whoa. HOUSE . GHOST. Cops surround them. SHANE .and hits a tree. She smiles at Shane. INT. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey.. They look in silence. Now we can go back to our peaceful... then look in the safe: Inside. But it's too late.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. SECRET VAULT . WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. Shane steps out. The garage door raises. It's finally over..SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. grateful. then BRAKES. Shane gently removes it. The kids clamber from the van. The Kid spill out and run. with their hands raised.SAME TIME Total commotion.O. from the car.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. Now.. as he turns his head.CUTE COP FREEZE. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Nobody is sure what to do. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . MR. Silence. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. Mr. officer. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Numerous.. Even Chun is amazed.. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.. Cops cover Shane and Julie. and grabs the MR.. vaults onto Chun. Zoe. triumphant. Chun stands inside the gate. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. The Cops are unsure what to do. Julie and Shane Freeze. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. 10 2. I suggest you call the FBI. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Shane weighs his not so many options.S.. uh.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.a CRAZED SCREAM.. you're in a lot of trouble. TEN MILLION DOLLARS.. ZOE But. Shane spins. But then -. helpless. CHUN (O. He scoffs. He's disheveled and manic.
CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. This chaos is unsolvable. watching the FBI Agents work. You're a one-man battalion. 103. SHANE Just doing my job. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Julie huddles with the kids. Wolfe.B. F .THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. PLUMMER HOUSE .I. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Shane examines it... AGENT Mr. COP I think I'll call the FBI.LATER F. that was nice work. he . swelling with pride.B. DISSOLVE TO: EXT.B.I. CLOSE-UP . GARAGE . AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. then walks off.B. AGENTS swarm the area. Shane talks with an F. Agent. ANGLE .I. F. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten.I. INT.rocket launcher. CLOSE-UP . Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. reaches for his radio.
LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe. EXT. a letter.Yes. SHANE . P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. I'm kinda. Does it itch? Yes. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. He looks around: at the family. from the safe. Peter.... Todd.. I always have. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. SHANE Well.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well.Maui? . 104. Lulu -. re-conning the situation. Julie. Her siblings... And to tell the truth. You're the superior office. Tyler. He looks at Claire. say -. Summer's almost here.I want to say: I love you more than anything. On. Zoe. and gather around. A tear comes to her eye. Mock-angry. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Shane looks at her. here.. I don't know.. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. The Plummers hug each other. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. then Julie found the key. I'm on dry land. You tell me. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. fallen onto the floor. and Julie notice.. She sees.
For everything.SHANE This is too much. P ETER Love you.. Guess you have to go now.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.Sir yes sir. He starts to head off. Like he did. Julie looks up. baffled. Zoe gives them a look -.. Lulu turns to Shane.he hugs the whole family at once. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. to shake his. SHANE Claire beams. A long beat. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. squeezing them off the ground. LULU This is it. Thank you. Shane. I'm gonna . Your work here is through. come here you. 105. SHANE Ah. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. sad. He puts them down. interrupting. Shane bawls -. TIGHT .his medal... He wipes his face. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . The Plummers all approach. She puts out her hand. ZOE But. He squeezes her hand around it.he can't keep it in.
Todd spins. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. They all watch. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. She is surrounded by her children. Julie watches in astonishment. his hair combed. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. the little Brownie Troop. The performers take their curtain . In SLOW MOTION. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family." Hearts swell. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps." In the audience. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for.a Michael Jordan dunk. Shane watches with bated breath. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Shane stands. VICTORIA THEATRE. even Murney. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Claire: dressed to the nines. Farewell. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. hit your marks. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Scott: in a suit. BACKSTAGE .JULIE What's Friday night? INT. beaming with pride. You Are Sixteen begins. It's fantastic -. rapt. until he sits back down. A STANDING OVATION.
calls. Thundering applause. touched. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.html on December 9 2010 .-The. Shane smiles.imsdb. He humbly steps into view -. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. Mission accomplished.com/scripts/Pacifier.and the house goes crazy. THE END http://www. FADE OUT.
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