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  • R. CHUN

THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry


March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --



BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

. . Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. ON THE DECK . He's gone.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. But you have to do exactly what I say.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics.SIMULTANEOUS 4. PLUMMER How did you know where I. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. When it finally opens. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. when I say it. As the water rises. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. to the roof. Shane removes his mouth piece. him his oxygen. He cuts the Professor's GAG.no highway option. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. they're almost out of ammo. EXT. over his head. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. INT. He tries force the door open. hauling the Professor up. Plummer screams... where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. One of our SEALS calls out to them. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. I'm gonna get you outta here. United States Navy.to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold... terrified. My way -. Up to his nose. he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. but can't get free. SHIP'S HOLD .

terrified. pulling the Professor in behind him. EXT.A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls.. Shane takes a deep breath. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . holding the Professor.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. INT. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. He . SHIP'S HOLD . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. 5.. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. then disappear gracefully back into the water. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. HELICOPTER .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. INT. clearly he loves this kind of day. OCEAN'S SURFACE . Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. and pulls himself. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. Hold on. SHANE INT. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. more!" They do. HELICOPTER .

CHARLES Lieutenant. PLUMMER Oh my God. how'd we. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. CHARLES I'm safe. Please. Lieutenant. Not imperative to the mission.. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. waits. She thinks I'm dead. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.. rotors whirling slowly. EXT. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . (then) Don't you have a family? 6. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. That was the most incredible. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. We have to keep moving. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point... the Professor looks terrified. I can't believe you. thank you. Charles stops Shane. I'm just not big on chit chat. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.beside him. shutting him up.. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. ..

He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe.couldn't crack it. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -.. INT. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Charles dials. SHANE We're almost ready... and talks. The briefcase pops open.. Designed it myself. Tyler. Shane considers. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. Charles dials his cell phone. knocked unconscious. Shane drops. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids.. PILOT sits. All goes . puzzled. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. you want to see it? Negative.. Lulu. It's voice activated. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. RUN!!! black.. I have a picture of my kids in here. I do security.Charles picks up his briefcase. WHAM. DEAD.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.. back to him.. then hands him his satellite phone. that's my specialty. PAVE HAWK . Peter. Shane looks at him. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. Todd. I'm alive.

EXT. and takes Charles' Briefcase.. He takes a long look at Shane. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. There is huge explosion.V. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. HOSPITAL . I know sir.it hurts to salute. His arm and face bandaged. And a good friend. Everything is ablaze. He sees Charles. He looks around. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. A Huey Helicopter lands. A VERY TALL MAN steps out.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. You're the best man I ever trained. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. Bill sits down beside the bed. sir. Shane reaches out.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. PAVE HAWK . barely conscious. but he does it anyway. in slow-motion. despondent. He holds a REPORT in his hand.: Everything is a blur. Captain.. unassuming. SHANE . BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.friendly.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT.7. SHANE'S P. unconscious. Wolf lies facedown in the stream.O. HOSPITAL . as the chopper ignites.

8.S. Shane sits up.S. Invigorated.. Thank you. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. and starts to rise. really. BILL Not a surprise.SHANE He had to call his family. He pulls up a chair. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir... He called it G.O. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.. Then.H. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.O. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.. Bill considers this. I. and sits opposite Shane. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. He can't believe his good fortune. Bill shakes his head. he pulls off bandages. BILL .: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. disappointed.. disconnects an IV. as I stated in my report. SHANE Sir. G...H. is still out there. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.T. appreciate your confidence.a genius. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot.T. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. . I'm gonna need the mini sub. SHANE The case was empty sir. It's not that kind of mission.

BILL ... I got a call from the professor's wife.T. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared.. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Searched the place.. and protect them. It's just that. maybe it isn't. CUT TO: INT. I've never been very good with kids. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. Whoever killed the professor must think G. sir. sir. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. I'll call you in an hour. I'm alive. She told me someone had broken into her home. He's a good man.O.S.. Shane is surprised. Shane Wolfe..NIGHT .if anything happens to me. top to bottom. Not even when I was a kid sir.. hearing the dead man's voice.S. Either way.. BILL The professor's wife requested you. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. SHANE'S APARTMENT . I need someone to stay at that house. (MORE) 9. I should go. The family's scared. Widow.) Honey. call Lt. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. CHARLES (O. intrigued.Shane listens. I love you. is in that house. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. anyway.. Maybe it is. Shane is shocked.H. presses play.

and sees LULU. Shane looks down -. also identical to the one he wears. Shane looks like a bad ass. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells). identical to the one he wears.s. with toys all over the lawn. machete. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. He rejects it. Shane's P. we're not interested. WE hear TINY FEET approach -. . The sprinklers go off. they all go in. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.then the door swings open.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Hm. EMALE VOICE (o. Shane double-checks the address. camouflage vest. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face.Shane packs his duffel bag. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. He looks at for a moment.: Julie's unkempt suburban house.. ready for anything.. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. night vision goggles.O. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. 8. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass.. peering up at him. Shane eyes Lulu. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. SUBURBAN STREET . like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.. and pulls out a small. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. He reaches in. It SQUEAKS. 10. Shane heads to the door.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. Shane frowns. EXT.V. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. Lulu eyes Shane. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the




Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.


JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-


But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Julie casually answers it. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning..s.Nighttime -. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. entersJULIE I'll be there. The phone RINGS inside. I think it could contain GHOST. I have some potentially good news.the family eats dinner. Swiss law says only his family can access it. Shane.s.NIGHT Shane. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. BILL (o.MORNING stand hug Julie. This could all be over! BILL (o. LIVING ROOM ..) Julie.. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . INT. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. with her suitcase. 14. Helga will . it's Bill Fawcett. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. JULIE That's wonderful.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. INT..s. We slowly pull out. through the kitchen window.) There's a catch. Julie and Shane share a look. Through the window. listening to the conversation.

And guys. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. do it.. ZOE Mom -. Helga will take care of everything else.. H S . are you licensed to kill? .. SHANE Don't worry.handle everything.. And on the back door. chill. it's just. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.. I'm gonna miss you. No. I'll be back in 48 hours. Mrs. Plummer. And on the phone. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. HELGA Everything will be fine. They'll be safe with me. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant.we'll be fine. I love you guys.. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do... . SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. I am a mom. it's my job to worry.

.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.. elga stomps out.. Shane turns off the light. can't find him.WHRRP! Shane ducks.5.. Shane heads down the hall. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in. Immediately. You do something. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. He shuts off the - . SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. Gary suddenly FLIES by . looks around for the CRYING BABY.s. INT... UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME.NIGHT Shane.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. on a short ladder. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. Shane shakes his head. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . I make bottle. SHANE (CONT'D) . HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL.NIGHT hane rushes in -. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. pouring in Cheerios. when in the corner of his eye -.. INT.

tool. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. PLUMMER HOUSE . but alright. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. come on Scott.. I'll call you. . ZOE He's my boyfriend. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. 16. Shane runs. fine.window alarm and sneaks out silently. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. calling out from across the street. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. ZOE Okay. jumps onto the trampoline.. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. EXT. S COTT . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure.go back inside. Zoe! . house like a marionette.BACK YARD . They both tumble to the ground. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. runs off.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. Shane LIFTING him in the air. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.. Zoe -. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door.. He's dazed. SHANE Not with this kid..

. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Look. I INT. Oh.... CHUN Thanks a bunch. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Sorry. Shane's about to head inside.. Oh. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Try to keep that zoo reigned in.Zoe storms inside. They're arguing with each other in Korean. SHANE MRS. CHUN (perfect English. CHUN . no accent) We speak English. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. We had an intruder. so we're up kind of early. THE CHUNS.NIGHT . we own a bakery. Shane stands there.. The Alarm's still blaring. huh baby-sitter? Mr. The alarm stops. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . fuming. SHANE My apologies. PLUMMER HOUSE . pop their heads out. MR. Kojak. MR. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. A simple misunderstanding. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. and we found this in our pool filter. Shane addresses them.

She has to hop on one foot.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -. You should have told her the truth. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Bite me! Shane frowns. S W 1 8. ZOE Who do you think you are -. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.) sing). where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Shane flips her foot in the air. to not fall over.s. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. And you feel like you ain't got a chance.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. SHANE Not anymore. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. Zoe falls backwards into the room. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). Shane shuts her door. lower than the floor. continues down the hall. Shane marches back down the hall. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. Loud. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. .

a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. EXT. The Children. to their beds. he wriggles on the floor. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times.groove. INT. She does. Shane shakes his head. just like the crabs do. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. warm orange light. Three steps forward. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. . HOUSE . and do the Peter Panda Dance.laugh and laugh. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. one step back. In the bedrooms. PLUMMER HOUSE .SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. in bed -. Peter in his bed. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. T Z Z T 19.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. then "crab-walks" sideways. Then jumps up.

HALLWAY . TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. not understanding what's happening. You're insane. oe is wrapped in blankets. half-asleep and angry. like she's been electrocuted. Helga runs through in hair curlers. carrying the crying baby.m.MORNING Todd sits up.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.odd is out cold. Todd blinks groggily. ODD It's Sunday. Suddenly his door flies open -.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Covering their ears. INT. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. disoriented.. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. Not in front of the kids. S .. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. L Move. Move. 20 . motionless. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. TODD'S ROOM .

lined up tallest to shortest. INT. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. L 21. shocked. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.. Your behavior is unacceptable.) Shane's jaw drops. in Romanian.do you. HELGA (She curses Again.. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.he gives him a look of disbelief. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -.. KITCHEN . . sucking on a bottle. What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.LATER The children are assembled. No highway option. ladies.do you.

So you are -. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. or you're dead. INT. Shane tries to maintain decorum. P eter farted. Shane bangs hard on it. Red 2. Touch that -.a tense silence.Shane starts to speak then thinks better. Shane bounds up the stairs. Never take them off. Red Leader. ZOE He's in his room.you better be dying.and you do it. Everyone stares blankly -. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Everyone cracks up. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. End of chain. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Angry. wait. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. He yells at her. he's furious. but it's locked. Now that I know I can't trust you. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. He tries the knob. ZOE I am not wearing that.(pointing) Red 1... S ULU (CONT'D) . SHANE Tracking devices. Red baby.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. where's the older male? There were five. The panic button is only for emergencies.. I tell you what to do -..

If you'd been wearing it. He sees Shane. PLUMMER HOUSE . Todd nods in agreement. The entire frame collapses. then CRASHES inward. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. and head down the hall.. the destroyed door and wall. He has to go. I can fix this.they glare at Shane.LATER ZOE . Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it..SMASH! The wood CRACKS. Oops. HALLWAY .MORNING . and Todd comes sauntering back. Shane steps aside. hits Shane on the head. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. She stops at Todd's door -. patrolling. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. INT. to her room. Down the hall -.NIGHT The bathroom door opens.22. A piece of the ceiling falls.. this wouldn't have happened. Zoe comes up the stairs. INT. INT.a FLUSH. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris.. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.

He said there's a ghost. INT.the rumble of a car approaching. Peter Booos again. He pretends to be a ghost.WHACK -.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. wearing a towel as a sheet. Lulu hides behind Shane. Really? His eyes light up. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. clicks his alarm remote opens it. And then it hits Shane. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. I don't know. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. LULU This house is haunted. Daddy even said so. hey.S. His head shifts. He rushes for the front door. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Peter! screams. hard. Lulu SHANE Hey. just as -.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. he hears something suspicious -.LATER . HALLWAY . to see that Peter is chasing her. L S 23. Shane turns.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. PAPERBOY (O. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it.

pushing. I INT. He goes back to the living room. listening for hollow spaces.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. He RAPS again. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs. ZOE Here he comes. 24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. T IGHT . As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. then turns his attention to his laptop. appears.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. feeling. When he hears an alert from his laptop.. carrying a huge laundry basket. MR. scanning the ceiling.. She screams. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. Searching. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga. BANGING her head and ass on each step. Shane scans it. inally..ZOE AND TODD . Nothing. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down.. Zoe whispers. Then -..a creak.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. all the way down. as laundry flutters down from above. STAIRWAY .Shane walks slowly down the hall. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. F .

. He licks his finger again. I can't. EXT. this is an urgent matter. ZOE Uh-oh. terrified. It's taking him a LONG time. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER.They gulp. INT. SWISS BANK . The Banker looks at him blankly. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. then licks his finger to turn the page.DAY Bill and Julie. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. mouthing along in FRENCH.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. Not in Switzerland. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. BANKER Marcel! out. He feebly gets up. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass.DAY Establishing. we're going to have to file a complaint. SWISS BANK . looking jet-lagged. He jumps to his feet. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. but can't get the page to turn. If we can't get some faster service. He seems to be about 100 years old. They wait patiently -. 25. Then looks back to the paperwork. Bill can't stand it anymore. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry.

JULIE Thank you. As soon as your background checks clear. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door.you will have access to the box tout-suite. grabbing her foot. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. Peter's in the aquarium. remain calm -- 26. and Helga dashes for the door. QUACKING.SAME TIME Helga. As she tries to wrestle it away. Shane dives. MARCEL. Shane picks up the receiver. enters. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. Shane moves for the phone. He grabs her suitcase.Shane tries to block her path. The duck flies around. How long is that? INT. I QUIT. heads to the door -. suitcases in hand. Oui. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. the chief does not speak English. Suddenly. The suitcase handle breaks off. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. HELGA I am calm. PLUMMER HOUSE .Another Banker. RING! Amid the chaos. He DRAGS her back. But I can tell you -. SHANE (CONT'D) .

SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do.Ah. HOUSE . as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. that landed on a diaper.. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. Shane body-checks it closed.Helga falls forwards. Mrs. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Mrs. Shane lets go. Plummer. Duty. He picks up his hand. 27. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem. Plummer. EXT. against the counter. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . CRUNCH..everything's fine. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care.. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door. Shane hangs up the phone. Helga struggles to get him off. and Shane falls back. (covering the phone. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. Just doing my..

ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. ANGLE . In the meantime. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. . HOUSE . TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.. SHANE Okay.. baby cries.SHANE Rises. Then -. There's been a change of plans. to find the kids are all gloomy.. she'll come back. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. if she loves you.he slowly glances up. we're just gonna have some more big fun. INT. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away. ANGLE . then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. Helga glares back. in the rear window. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. defeated. dumbfounded. listen up. He drops his head.Helga jumps in the cab. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. The 28..SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. takes a deep breath and strides inside.

hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Using the tools as chopsticks. takes a deep breath. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. HEY! Even Peter runs. 29.it flops open.. SShane GROANS. Nobody will help. And then -. . everyone bolts from the room. I'm Navy.. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. holding out the Baby at full arm's length.SHANE He gulps. nice moment. your enthusiasm. Only then can we rise to the challenge. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. inundated. All for one. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. Pure self-preservation. CLOSE-UP . holding his nose. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. repelled. INT.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. he cautiously unfastens the diaper.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. SHANE Whoa. Until -. BATHROOM .

30. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.. he looks around for a solution.. he looks down to see Lulu. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. Aghast. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business.SHANE The things I do for my country. INT. it starts making Shane uncomfortable.he can't do it. . LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Lulu is in her pj's. LULU Hi. then FLUSHES. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Shane tries approaching -. She follows.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. SHANE (unsure how to respond. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Lulu doesn't go away. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. she just stares at him.) Thank you. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Lulu follows at his heels. like a puppy. HALLWAY . over and over and over. I think you're cute. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.

MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. all the kids asleep. proud of his accomplishment. Shane smiles. . The kids sit down at their designated spots. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. All the lights are out.it's time for you take a nappypoo. and shuts off her light. Shane breathes a sigh of relief. pulling down the shades on every window. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. 31. Todd. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. like he's an idiot. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. The Kids stare at "breakfast.BREAKFAST . INT. in beddibye land. little girl. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them." dubious. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu looks at him. I can get lots more of those. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.Shane walks room to room. and patrols. KITCHEN . And I've survived off this stuff for months.

LULU Tyler hates it when I do that. He runs away. dancing. Shane sighs.is not here to take care of you now.. And the phone rings. all for one. if I say out. I can cross my eyes.. So -... ladies. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. . Your mama -. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games.. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. you stay in. The table cloth is yanked to the floor.. LULU .here's how it's gonna be. (then:) Yes. Shane answers.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. We're gonna pull together.. ZOE He's only two. Peter starts bawling... Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Shane turns to Lulu. Peter stands in his chair. too.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Wanna see? Negative. trying to hear over the screaming.. then at Tyler -. you go out. one for all.. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about.. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. If I say in. crying.

h. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE .. backwards at sixty m. He hangs up. INT.. 32 SHANE Plummer residence. EXT.. With your .M. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. EXT. legal guardian. He said if you're late again. It just doesn't add up.p. I know it's Monday. INT. SHANE Not on my watch. you and Todd are expelled. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. It hits ZERO.. GARAGE . perfect parallel park. Oh.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. yes.. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. and at that . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . He wants to see you in his office. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. Zoe smiles at him. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN.a death defying. Shane fumbles with it for a while.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. Thank you. GARAGE ." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE.. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. into a TINY parking spot -.9:29 A. Across his chest. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. LULU We're gonna be late. sir. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. The Minivan skids completely sideways.. innocently. A big suburban school.. dramatically unveiling Shane.

Top to bottom. a few days. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. conduct and truancy. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. K thru 12. Duane. mortified. He withers. The Kids crack up. V.moment. Shane. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. He's HUGE and mean. boy. Plummer finally listened. I'm Murphy.P in charge of discipline. whatever work you can get. tough. son? SHANE Wolfe. as he plays on the floor. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). assured. The Kids are seated around him.. Murney is furious. Lieutenant. . She's attractive. they needed a parole officer. He glares at Shane. I coach wrestling.. Looks like Mrs. You're in my house now. holding Peter on a harness. Out of twenty-three. Well. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. Murney is unimpressed. too. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. They're the worst students in my school.

I am in charge of..Good morning kids. Plummer.two little red DOTS move away. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Red 2. as he casually holds the three kids. 34. The opens the door for Murney. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Plummer called my captain. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. Good. Claire sees this -. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. What are you doing in my office. Get moving.. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. You see.. fuming.. SHANE Red 1. that as vice principal. BELL rings. staring him up and down. Lieutenant. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . impressed. He exits. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay.and suddenly reacts. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Principal Claire eyeballs him. Mrs. The teens hustle off to their classes.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. (then. I think I can handle this from here. She told me all about you.

Claire looks nervously around. SHANE Can't be too careful. Courage. She lifts her pants leg. Just try not to frighten the children. Service paid for my college.. SHANE "Honor. SHANE . (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. That's the way I live my life. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. The 35. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.MID-MORNING seeShane. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. to balance Shane. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment".. dead serious.. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.... SHANE . Welcome aboard.. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. So. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.(Shane nods. On the spot. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. and the way I run my school.

V. He turns to the person front of him. Official Business. two. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. 36 .O. . Black Hawk coming in. picks up a pair of binoculars. Beside Shane.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. CAFETERIA . He checks his tracking device. with stern intensity. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Now -.. Zoe. like a tether ball. yanks his hood over his head. one.. Todd. SHANE Give up now.O. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off.V. INT. Save us both a world of pain.Clean as a whistle. in line to get lunch. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.last time: Open the hanger. delighted.LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.. does the same. sitting in the back row of a class. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. BINOCULARS P. Shane closes the computer. Lulu sees Shane and waves. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. in Shane puts down his binoculars. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. Todd. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. turns her back to him embarrassed.. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. with a group of HIP FRIENDS.

Shane sighs.. I guess. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. lieutenant. A whole day. Can I call you Shane? . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Tyler laughs. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. SHANE Hey -. Principal Claire smiles.) Shane. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Seriously.. Claire smiles. (she looks at his chair) Well.. Oh. He yanks Tyler away from him.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. 37.but you're pretty good at this. When you agreed to serve your country. You're on dry land. you know. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -. man. Sure. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here. Mr. not so dry where you're sitting. ignoring him. .I out rank you. you don't. (she toasts.Tyler gurgles. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. I'm impressed... huh? Shane gives her a look. with milk. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face.

RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Personally . cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. Murney smirks.. VP Murney is watching. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. INT. MURNEY You heard the lady.. MURNEY He did.. I don't care who starts it. but not stopping it. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Look at him.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Zoe. impressed. LUNCH-LINE .That's. unusual. in the crowd. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling.. As soon as they see the Principal. cheering. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. the crowd freezes. and "punches fists" with him. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. next week's tournament is off. (Todd) 38.

I'm a black belt myself. (low. man. Maybe you could stop by practice. the crowd breaks up.total control. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Todd lunges at him. SHANE . to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. promise I'll go easy on you. Murney. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. He'd kill you so fast. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. .I think that's a little harsh. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. sir. Nice moves. Frogman -. MURNEY Oh. stopping an inch from Shane's head. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. sticking the landing. Sorry. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it....Todd lands on his feet. Murney approaches Shane.. That's right. SHANE . Don't even think it... The Bell rings. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. flinch. Maybe some other time then. yeah. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. 39 . I'm on duty. MURNEY Pretty slick. what do you say? Come on. Boys'll be boys. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. I forgot you had to baby-sit.

2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. another dollar twenty. Tyler is crying. SHANE Oh -. minus taxes. Not my job. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY ..Tyler's diaper is full. SCHOOL HALLWAY . Emergency! SHANE INT. He bursts though it. INT.CONTINUOUS . Bathroom's down the hall. Shane recoils in disgust. as he keeps watch. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Have fun. and not cry.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. for one who'll eat. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. The Principal strolls up. But. doing a shoulder roll. holding Tyler out like a grenade. It leads him to a door... 40. Roger that.. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal.2:55 Shane looks exhausted. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.change him. Then Shane smells what she means -.INT. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. Panicked. Lt. Just then. Uh. following his tracking device.

Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . SHANE EXT. HALLWAY .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He blasts through a red light. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. He speeds away after them. Shane is furious.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. racing down the road ahead of Shane. almost tipping the minivan. I INT. EXT. with the Panic Button in her hand. but the FINAL BELL rings. He hands her to the Principal.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . He leaps out of the minivan. Shane lands in fight stance -. BUSY INTERSECTION . The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. 41. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. At that moment. CONSTRUCTION SITE . Thanks. through the fence.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. They make a sharp right. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . Shane makes a right. EXT. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. Lulu is in front of the class. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.the Class applauds.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. are heading away from the school fast.

then checks his tracker. Three Workers rush him.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. It's horrific. and charges through. they hear the front door open. and the sound of OMINOUS. INT. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Shane easily takes them out. ANGLE . He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. INT.section. From outside. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. No sweat. SEWER . Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. .then RUN. He takes a deep breath and dives under. PLUMMER HOUSE .he sees the blinking lights below the surface. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER.then gasps -.It's dark and dank. He winces. Shane lowers himself down. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.the DOTS are CLOSE. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. you're about to get a beat down. SQUISHY footsteps. then checks the tracker -.LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.SHANE He's alone. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane trudges through the river of muck. He catches his breath. IN THE MANHOLE .LIVING ROOM . feet away. all brandishing tools. Shane pries off the manhole cover.

INT. then covers their noses.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.Then the door swings open. . He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. weird hair. 43 INT. with a smirk. Todd stiffens.. Ditto. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. The Cop leaves. ... BATHROOM . Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. The smell is BAD. Everyone gasps. thank you. revealing Shane. Zoe checks him out as he goes. KITCHEN . CLAIRE I should probably get going then. Call.p. looking like a Swamp Creature. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. Covering her nose. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. BACK YARD . That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. he doesn't say anything. INT. use our nonemergency number. The Cop turns to Shane.. Zoe fixes her hair.LATER Shane is in the shower.b. The Cop looks at them. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. 16 year old female. If you need anymore help.

LULU I can't. SHANE (O. in just a towel. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. and if we can't go to the Jamboree. pulling Lulu after him. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.) Get rid of them. You gotta help me out.a dozen little girls in uniforms. 4 . Mom's our den mother. They won't be home `til ten. INT. He sees on the fridge.all junk food. (whispers:) Come on. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. Monday. it's Monday. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights.S. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. 4. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. And it's not like I have any other friends. they're staring at him.. we can't go the Jamboree. He looks at it. FAMILY ROOM .Shane enters. close to tears. Lulu starts to sniffle. They already think I'm a loser. The Brownies applaud. If we don't sell enough cookies. and whistle. Shane. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . cringing in disgust. LULU We have to..CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop.

SHANE Alright.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. back in "uniform. unpacking boxes of cookies.Lulu's about to burst into tears.. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. BROWNIE Den Mother? . ZOE . Tonight. Shane ushers the Troop out the door.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. Shane blows passed her. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. He's not just locking them -. the other to his back. Shane sighs. KITCHEN . DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. Zoe's on the phone. ladies. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. INT." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Here's how it's gonna be. getting ready to go. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.. ZOE'S BEDROOM . yeah. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. LIVING ROOM . do as I say.. .. Indian Style.wait here.. Now -. then drills it into place. SHANE Good. he's a total psycho.MOMENTS LATER Shane.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. They are assembled. at attention. INT.. I'm gonna be your den -commander. INT. I'm scared of you.

nothing even looks like food. it's like Oz or something. He smiles. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway.MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. Snack packs.. hits speed-dial."what are you. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM... He sees: a huge..5. I dunno if that's a good idea. the camera CRANES up to. Scott. but if anything happens.CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. EXT. (she listens:) Hm. NOTHING looks familiar -. SHANE I gotta get supplies. I can see you through the window. GROCERY STORE . INT.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.PARKING LOT .MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. nuts?" EXT.. EXT.. DRIVEWAY . LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. but they're .MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. GROCERY STORE . 4 EXT. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz. GROCERY STORE . colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. Tyler looks at him -. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside..... he's got us on lock-down.. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. Zoe picks up the phone. GROCERY STORE . He looks around at the bright. No. as he pushes a cart into the store. ZOE .

. He laughs. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. . 46 BROWNIE Oh no. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle..she tugs and tugs.noticing very shy. they're back. I haven't seen anybody. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. menacingly... before I get my face punching badge on you. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -. clutching their boxes. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. He rips it open. One The Brownies take off running. GROCERY STORE . One of the Brownies spots something. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -.. but can't get away. The Cub Scouts high-five. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. and lets her go. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . EXT.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. chubby CUB SCOUTS. you Skeever? . SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. Finally..

The Brownies are huddled behind it. He firmly tells Lulu. The Brownies scream. Not cookies. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. CHEESE . Shane's monitor starts beeping. PARKING LOT . He bends down. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy.22's. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . you're supposed to take us to dinner. 47.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. and points at Lulu's Panic button. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. If I don't come back -avenge my death.A LITTLE LATER . Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. Get in the car. He wears . trembling. I'm here to protect you. we're going home. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts.2ND SCOUT Nope. CHUCK E. Where? SHANE INT. He heads toward the Scouts. Cheese MANAGER. EXT.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Around his neck.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E.

. This much The Manager laughs. the Chuck E. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. Cheese automaton band JAMS. which causes him to lisp. On stage. Cheese! Wider reveals. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. Shane's watching Peter..CHAOS. A LITTLE LATER: 48.. .. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. playing video games and ball. skee Brownies are running around. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.braces and head-gear.. The Manager approaches Shane. this much cyanide.. Lulu approaches. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL.

LULU I pressed two player. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. My joystick's broken. The second round starts. SHANE That wasn't a documentary.. Unless you're scared. stretches. They begin. Lulu picks a small female character. Nobody can jump thirty feet. Then he a joy stick. kneels on his head. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . I thought you liked combat. Lulu screams out with her fighter. and then a kick in the face. then cracks her in half over his knee. He cracks his knuckles. He's really mad. . Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. He checks over his shoulder -. Shane is taking it really seriously. spins her. Shane even get one punch in -. LULU The Hulk can. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls.. SHANE That's not fair. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. He steps up to the machine. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. then kicks him in the face. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly.she pins him to the ground. Round three starts.

it's my job to worry. It's really annoying. swinging and missing.take a shot.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.. oops too slow.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest. ZOE Mom -.. She keeps dancing.. INT. LULU You're not even trying. HOTEL ROOM . She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. the Zhouse is quiet. Shane's really fuming.. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING.. LULU Too slow. Shane's working the joy stick hard. He is KO'd.. Sparks fly.. dancing. 50.. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. swing and a miss. He and the Brownies sneak away. Lulu's having fun now. PLUMMER HOUSE .stop worrying. INTERCUT WITH: INT. its joystick dangling by its wires..LIVING ROOM .. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed.. while he pounds the buttons. jumping. ZOE ..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. leaving the sizzling machine.. come on -. slamming buttons. but he can't hit her.

I love you.Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. counting them. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. not cool. PLUMMER HOUSE .. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. MALL PARKING LOT . I hate leaving you. ZOE Dude. The guy's just a control freak. INT. we're okay. Zoe rolls her eyes. who doesn't seem concerned at all. She turns to Scott. ZOE I know. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. Don't worry.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.. this is outta hand. ZOE Dude.The Plummer House: . And the folks who read my BLOG. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. up.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE . everything's cool.Seriously. VARIOUS SHOTS . loads Brownies into the minivan. JULIE It's only a few more days. Tonight I'm just doing homework -.LIVING ROOM . . 51.in my cell. EXT.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. but you know I have to do this. kids everywhere.

MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. SHANE . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. CHEESE .not okay.Move. out away from him.. and goes down for the diaper. gasping. MANAGER Relax. Shane grimaces. Suddenly. SHANE Inexcusable.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. He holds his breath. move! Go go! EXT.. Not okay.. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA.LATER . is fine.they almost always do. He's still down there. CHUCK E. S 52. The Manager is watching him. again.. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. We see what he forgot: PETER. freestyling in the ball pool -. He charges across the room with the diaper. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. Whoa. He's holding the diaper. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. the Brownies follow.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.. to leave a man behind like that. Silence.for a long time. move.. INT. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. SUBURBAN ROAD . He disappears under the balls -.

then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. Shane takes Lulu. Now. 53.. trying to understand.then CRUSHES the ball. Scott.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by..Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. PLUMMER HOUSE . Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell.. jocks throwing footballs..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Reeling. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. we're gonna do this .NIGHT Shane is exhausted. INT. a total wreck. He gets out -. Peter and Tyler up the path. Outraged. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't.. then RUN.and groans in disbelief. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.. chugging drinks.'s turntables.. making out. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. scared. EXT. CLUB lock off the door. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. as he pulls up in the Minivan. peeing in the bushes. vents. Shane snatches it mid-air -.KITCHEN . PLUMMER HOUSE .. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J. at a full run. windows. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. Party's over.

Scott and Zoe. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.CONTINUOUS ... and rubs his finger UNDER IT.. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers.no highway option.my way -. He hands Scott the mop. trying to maintain his dignity. ladies. He lifts the sofa. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. He fumes. PLOP. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. In a bathroom. through binoculars. residue.. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. furiously clean. It reads: GHOST. They see Shane find the CD. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. Shane's eyes narrow. Scott gulps .SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Clean. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.then he notices something. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . straightening -. he takes it off.. PLUMMER HOUSE .. CUT EXT.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. Miserable TEENS scrub. INT. as kids clean. mopping. and walk out of sight. Shane goes over them.NIGHT Shane inspects the house. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. Oh my god. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. He holds it up to a KID. in Playtex gloves. labeled with a Sharpie.

Thanks a lot. Lulu's crying. After a beat. ueasy. Shane hands her a handkerchief.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. INT. Scott's the last one to leave. shaky and furious.. and screams in Shane's face. Rambo. (Announces:) Company. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Those people aren't your friends. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Zpounding on doors. My friends will never come here again. Shane . Zoe gets up.. sits down. They show no respect for you or your house. Shane stands. Lulu and Todd step into the hall.into the bathroom. CUT TO: EXT. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. outside the bathroom door. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. downstairs! He walks down the hall. where she throws up. furniture polished. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. He heads upstairs. Because you have no respect for yourself. helpless.. ZOE . Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. Todd picks her up. You're like a robot. she pukes again.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house..ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. ZOE I do too respect myself. you hate us. Zoe blows past him -. PLUMMER HOUSE .

The Ninjas attack. as soon as your mom comes back. SHANE You're right. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. Wielding with great skill. SHANE Puberty.. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. They leap down after him. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA.. NINJA GHOST -. Suddenly. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs.hand it over! staffs. talking doesn't do any good. He goes down. TWO NINJAS.. Go to your rooms. I'm not the man for this job. tired) It's Scott.they're good. Red 1.the power goes out. Don't worry.. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Not even from the enemy. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. fiercely -. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Shane spins in fight-stance.. all in black BURST in through the window.55. pounding him with their .the three fight.. I'm gone. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. close-quarters and fast. Suddenly -.

. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. and grabs it..knocking him into. Shane runs to the changing table. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME.. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. facing them. it makes a silly thunk. he hits a Ninja in the head. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. With his foot. and uses them both to fend off blows. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. a squeezes . blinding him. toys fly. . WHACK.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. several FURBIES hit the floor. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. and flings them all over the floor. Shane fends the Ninjas off... He pulls the string. The Ninjas move towards him -. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. 56 INT. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. They step back. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. avoiding Legos. PLAYROOM .then the Ninjas charge. Shane crashes down. SHANE Okay -. fiercely.

Todd and Zoe enter. terrified. Then. . OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. Kids. You can open up. bawling. He squints.. SHANE It's safe. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up. TODD Who were they? What did they want.. The cloud dissipates. quietly knocks.. blinded.. disappointed to have lost them..SHANE 57. HALLWAY . Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. INT. fearful. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. that your father invented. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. Shane approaches Zoe's door. and Shane sees he's now alone. ANGLE . SHANE Shhh. He runs to the broken window. He really hugs them. He sprays it in Shane's face. Shane isn't sure what to do. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE..Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. Shane bangs the window sill. SHANE I'm not going anywhere.? SHANE They're looking for a program. He A long pause -... LULU Please don't leave us Shane. he hugs Peter and Lulu.SECONDS LATER Composing himself...then the door creaks open. He hugs them. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. It's okay.

. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. Then.. relieved.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. and do what I say. Then. eye to eye. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. Shane is furious -. as long as I'm here.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Soon. The kids shudder. They want this. LIVING ROOM . From now on.they all jump. you listen to me. it's been a long night. 58. Deal? Truce -. SHANE They're not after you. startled. And I'm not going anywhere.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Zoe answers it.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I. too. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. He looks Zoe.. They shake -. absolutely nothing pottery . "Unchained Melody. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -.a long pause. They hug him tighter..then they hug him.. all smiles. the other kids join in. But nothing's gonna happen to you. INT. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon." And then. Zoe laughs: she can't help it.. I'll listen to you too. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. CLOSE-UP . okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Shane offers his hand to shake. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.

metal two pronged KEY. everyone's fine. yes and no. students run in to school. and Shane emerges with the five kids. She holds up the strange..it's okay. EXT. SHANE (very genuine) .MORNING Early morning.we'll be just fine.. We just don't know what its for. SHANE No . Plummer. HOTEL ROOM . JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. SCHOOL . but they didn't find it. ..So soon? We were just starting to have fun. The minivan pulls up. They were looking for GHOST. two men tried to get into the house tonight.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. You have any luck? JULIE Well. Don't worry -. INTERCUT: INT.. But we're not sure what it is.. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. Shane takes the phone.happened you should worry about. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. Nope. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We found something in the box. It looks like some kind of "key". SHANE Mrs. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. They're gone..

then BRAKES. then BRAKES. Zoe sits in a folding chair.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters.. SCREAMING. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. So.she'll pay for the damage. Shane nods. He is gesticulating. MURNEY . ANGLE on Shane. He dips an INT. Peter 60 She smiles. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym.INT. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). SHANE Don't worry. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan.. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . and smiles at Shane. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. Lulu's classmates all chant. .DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. I know it's good. "yeah. They look concerned. a crazed TEACHER next to her. THE GYM . EXT.DAY Driver's Ed. sunglasses on. who sits in the back. LULU'S CLASSROOM . An obstacle course with cones." Then. reacting each time she HITS the gas.. Principal Claire next to him.. egg in some purple dye. LULU'S CLASSROOM . Shane stands off to the side. mortified. she wrecked a driver's Ed. Murney stands. ANGLE on Lulu. squashed at a little desk. making a mess of an egg. HITS the gas. car -. shaking his head. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND.

That? Lady drivers. . Todd enters. Shane scowls. But this. giving him a "skinhead" look. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. I was doing a little recon in his locker. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.it's the boy.. And that's not all.) See if you can talk to the boy. what do you expect..yes. 61. Shane gives Zoe a look. Zoe shrugs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. but -. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. He does always miss sixth period..I'm a bit concerned.. and Shane walks them out.. it's not that -. SHANE He's not a NAZI.. boys will be boys -. Shane stops. Murney calls into the hallway.. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.but this is just sick.. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. Todd and Zoe stand to go. (pulls Shane aside. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. what's going on. No.. and I'm not sure what to do.. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.

SHANE Another time. and keeps walking. I'll show you a couple moves. Murney laughs... I promise I won't hurt you. and leaves. as he passes. and Murney chases after him. Shane. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. maybe. and leaps at Shane. if you ask me. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . SHANE I'll talk to him. 62. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Without warning. kicking him in the BACK. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. Shane walks the kids out.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. MURNEY You're a good man. we'll give these boys a treat. huh? (Shane ignores him. Shane trips forwards to his knees. Kung team: Shane walks away.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.that whole family's no good. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -. stretching. MURNEY It's a date then.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled.

do your homework. Nothing. The window is wide open. running around the corner. so the alarm didn't go off. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. It's pink. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane parks. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. and leaves. keeping the contact. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.shakes Shane turns back. you're in charge. On the corner. Shane hops out the window. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. It's small for him. Keep all doors sealed. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. I want to talk to you.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. but instead he takes a deep breath. PLUMMER HOUSE . Todd runs towards the house. SHANE Smart kid. INT. EXT.. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. Shane screws the window shut. preheat the oven.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. TODD'S ROOM . He starts to shut the window. SHANE Wait Todd. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. peering out her window. Murney his head. and snickers to his Team. It looks like Shane might fight. with a flowered basket. but he . He enters. signal me. Shane looks out the window -. He sees Zoe. he can see Todd. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in.. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.far down the block.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .


DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.


And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that.. Liesl chimes in... BEAT. or not? Everyone nods. show's off.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling... grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.What if. Todd looks devastated -.... Todd looks up at Shane. Shane's glare.. Shane shakes his head..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. it's over. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. TODD . SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they're not sure what to do... He smiles. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. SHANE COMPANY -. they quickly assemble on stage. Shane looks at the Cast. weird or something? 66 .. girls'll think I'm. Chicks dig guys who can dance.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. LIESL We don't have a director. Shane straightens up.

.. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. I promise. YES WHAT? SHANE . I know it's no big deal. I called him in his room. He peeks in -.. LULU'S ROOM . Shane exits. Scott. SHANE Okay.. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. SHANE . I won't touch him..LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.LATER .Yes. BREAKING something. INT.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . He turns out the light.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him.. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy.. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. another girl picked up the phone. I don't know why I let it get to me. ZOE . No wait! . INT. angrily. He hears Zoe in her room. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing.. furious.. It's stupid..

where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. Stumped.. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. he illustrates. I 6 . To find a secret gnome. the little Elf family -.. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -.. (MORE) T S L 8.. Shane looks at her surprised. Once there was a family of Elves. setting up the scene with DOLLS.. He sits on the bed. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. facility. The elves had to go in and take it out. Uranium.. Then he starts: SHANE Okay.Shane tucks Lulu into bed.. ULU Tell me a story. So -they waited for cloud cover. Let's see.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive.. Went into the magic forest.Uh. and they came in from the north. As Shane finishes the story... on Lulu's floor.

SHANE Oh. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story.Rodriquez. or he won't stop..CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep.. Peter WAILS...mean standing.... TODD You have to do the dance. Even.. and do the Panda Dance. INT. from across the hall. lower than the floor. Like dad used to do.. Todd calls from the doorway.. And you ain't got a chance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. Lulu's fallen asleep. Peter starts bawling. I can't remember that thing. He made it up for him. We got `em all. The wails get louder and LOUDER.. S 69. Then. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Shane sighs. the teeniest little elf of all -.... TODD I'll write it down for you. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. .. NURSERY . and whispers to Peter. c'mon. head in the door.

mortified. T the A 70. SHANE Today you drive. Lulu is next to him. She gets out in shock. Peter applauds. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. The Kids sit bolt upright. They turn to Zoe. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT.) EXT. Shane turns and catches Mr. Humiliated.. terrified. Shane. and gets in the driver's seat. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. just like the crabs do. staring. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. (Tyler in the snuggle)..MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Chun. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. through the mirror. . Shane crab-walks sideways. (He does. Shane hops forward three times. He sings again. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. PLUMMER HOUSE . Chun gets his paper.. GARAGE . S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.Shane sighs.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. with her Gameboy.MORNING . He does the dance as he sings..

. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him.. no. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.I can't even pass driver's Ed. Touched.. MINIVAN . Zoe is surprised. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. S P .. Keep going. not the road. I trust you. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. She pulls out. The Kids share a dubious look. INT. Lulu and Todd are terrified.. but trying not to show it. Shane is nervous.. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection.ZOE But -. Exactly. Shane is shaky. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. Zoe backs jerkily out. jerkily. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on.

Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. severe stare) Now. Shane's . Broken promises lead to broken legs. terrified. being obnoxious. SHANE Good. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Shane lets him down and heads into school....71.Claire BARKS out. She's wearing a cute dress. and a little make-up. trembling. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Shane jumps out of the car. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. almost tapping a bus's rear fender.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. 1500 hours. Suddenly -. Zoe smiles. Shane spots something. Scott's terrified. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. INT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . with a few FRIENDS. KIDS boisterously run past.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. Next lesson. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. hey head into the school. EXT. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. CAFETERIA . Claire strides into view. Chastened. laughing. Shane unclenches his teeth.. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. Very funny. Before Scott knows what's happened. ZOE Ha ha ha. the kids gulp and orderly march away.

. too. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. dragging . Suddenly. Love it when he does that. Shane leaps over the table. you never know who you're going to run into. S he sits beside him. something.eyes alight. She's waiting for him to say. and offers him a milk.. him by the ear. S T P .. SHANE hey eat in silence.. It's a miracle. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) .. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. Wow. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Shane`s not so good at small talk. He smiles back.. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today. sailor? Thanks." In one move. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. impressed. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. She smiles. Principal Claire sighs "not again.

It opens Friday. boy. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Todd looks.. Freak? The Students snicker.. Silence. Then: TODD I am not scared. MURNEY Winners never quit. I quit. No one's sure they heard him right. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Murney turns around. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. I'm right here. What're you so scared of. Murney. . intimidated. now it all makes sense. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Yeah I do. TODD Hey. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. M 73.. I want to sing. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Talk.Murney shoves Todd forward... MURNEY I've had it. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.. I. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.

Your ass is mine. M urney looks over at the Team.and then a mob of Students.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. swarm Todd.Shane steps them.it reads: . TODD There is a man in my house -. The Gym. They look to the ground sheepishly. Todd's telling the truth. Let's do it.face to face. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. There is a stunned moment -. He storms out. You win. His voice cracks -. Everyone is watching. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. You suck. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. taking flyers. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. it's scary S 74. furious -URNEY So -. Murney did not expect to be called out.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. Murney looks around. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear.me. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. protecting him. humiliated.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. So calm. The whole team wants to quit.

Shane side-steps. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. mumbling something. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. S 75. Todd cheers Shane on. 3:00. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain.sending him right into the wall. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney.BAM. Shane throws an arm around Todd. GYM . The Wrestlers scream for Murney. quietly twitching on the ground. Murney lands on his back. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another.3:00 mat. Murney bounds to his feet. and they head out. and sweeps Murney -. The bleachers are PACKED. Todd flops to the mat. WHAM. shocked. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. hard. Murney. Shane DIVES OVER Murney."Murney's getting his ass kicked." INT. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . M URNEY on. rushes Shane. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him.

. When I Rwanda. LULU We're Brownies. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. If you're not sure.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. The crowd cheers. TODD That was awesome. I got my troops waiting. BUGS. Claire. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. that's all. No brownies edible. They walk out. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. She gives him a thumbs up. TO: EXT. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here.Dislocated nerve. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. fascinated. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. 76 SHANE either. Todd. too. FOREST . SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat.

the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. He signals her. here at the top of the stairs. EXT.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. in perfect tempo. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.she hits EVERY ONE -. PUNCH. and. Shane holds a stopwatch. KICK. OLD FACTORY .. in between punches. PUNCH. EXT. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. INT. and races through a slalom of orange cones -. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. MALL PARKING LOT . In unison. PLUMMER HOUSE .we'll put Von Trapps here. He laughs at his own joke.." INT.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. he reaches out and rocks it. NURSERY . The Kids don't get it. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. KICK. she burns rubber. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. MALL PARKING LOT . the Girls PUNCH..fascinated.. The Duck watches all this -.FRONT LAWN ..DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. here.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. Zoe . SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. He illustrates the stage directions.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor.

Hands a T . EXT. NURSERY . EXT. OLD FACTORY .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. ODD . is an empty page/that men will want to write on.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. but doesn't fall. it teeters.3.. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. your life little girl. she only clips one. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane gives her a signal..DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. They watch closely.. in we WIDEN back..DAY -"1.FRONT LAWN . INT.BACK YARD .. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES... PLUMMER HOUSE .out and weaves the cones. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.2. The Brownies attack. blur. MALL PARKING LOT . T I E 77. He counts begins wriggling free. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. mercilessly." Lulu.DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. EXT..

Peter. THUD! Gazelle. Todd tries the kick. He kisses Peter on the forehead.EVENING . Shane is so touched.huh? Now. odd tries the spinning kick. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Peter. Then he tucks Peter in. now and then. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. daddy.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.he's got it down. SHANE I'm not your daddy. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . But sweet dreams. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. NURSERY . He does a spin kick.hard. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. Again. Peter Panda. he almost bursts into tears. but blows it. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Graceful. Graceful." Singing and doing all the moves -. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. 8. INT. adding a James Brown flourish. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE.

9. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. INT. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. wearing the double snuggle.in a FLIP. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. proud.they LAUGH. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. at their own table. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. striking a cool pose. He smiles. scary. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. the Chubby Cub Scouts. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. the Other Scouts are scared. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. In one move. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. FORMATION. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . she wraps it around his arm.. see them. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. The Scout struggles. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. he lands on the ground hard. The Scouts share a look -. tying him. The .MOMMY! She lets him go -.. Across the lot.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.he sees. but like lightning. You're gonna have to pay for that. As he's comparing prices -. S SHANE That's my troop. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N


- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z





SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

Shane answers it.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. A tear runs down Zoe's face. The phone rings. ANGLE . INT. talking excitedly. EXT. OE I never even got to say good bye. BACK YARD .soldier. WITH: J INT. She throws her arms around Shane. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. we're on the first plane in the morning.SHANE He's left alone. J 82. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. HOTEL . the kids are all abuzz.LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . happy. HALLWAY . sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.

Shane sits in a lawn chair. Shane sighs morosely. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Shane turns. GARAGE . Kids to play S .The house is dark. Gary sits in the next chair. No reason for personal attachments. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool.. the Duck starts quacking. INT. SHANE Just another assignment. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. Gary's foot is caught in a grate.NIGHT hane turns the light on. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. unblinking. hane rises. he Duck stares.. Three squares a day. He pets the Duck. Suddenly. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. your wings aren't clipped. with.

...SHANE What happened. INTERC UT: B harder. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. . he floor opens. DISSOLVE INT. Lulu hands him a tool. No hinges or cracks. unsuccessfully.. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. we see a CRANK WHEEL.. and then it gives. He's been trying. GARAGE .. Shane dials a phone. The wheel spins. Shane looks on stunned.CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Nothing.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. shines it down the grate. INT. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. TO: to S 84. leading below the garage. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. The Kids are watching his progress. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off... The break in its surface is a strange. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . only It's solid and inscrutable. Shane steps down it. crack the lock all night. He tries muscles rippling.

An ominous pause. Everyone reacts happily.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. pleased. he answers it. Okay. and hangs up. Do you have it? SHANE No. BILL . I think I found GHOST. towards the neighbor's house.EXT. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.Lulu. She looks stricken. Except for -. can't crack it.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel.. CHUN CUT BACK . TO: INT.. sir. Then we slowly MOVE UP. relieved. I've been trying all night. It's in a steel vault. MRS. Silently spying on Shane. TO: INT. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. GARAGE . ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. W e PUSH INTO the house. SEDAN . We'll be there shortly -. After we turn this in to my CO... excited. GHOST. Bill's cell phone rings. Bill reacts. Julie sits beside him. Through a window.don't do anything `til I get there... revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. GARAGE . don't do anything further.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Away from Shane.

O. should be home soon. LULU But.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.SHANE He goes silent.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. Kids singing a beautiful. KIDS VOICES . SHANE You guys better get ready.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.V.: The house is spotless. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). in the next room. Shane -. INT.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . in shock. I 85. so they probably trashed the place. HOUSE . She trails off. comes into the dark hall. BILL What's wrong? They listen -.. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. J JULIE'S P. JULIE'S HOUSE .. Bill is carrying her suitcases. Julie and Bill hop out.they hear.. The rug is vacuumed. he has no answer. Lulu? You should be happy. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. Tongue-tied.. The fish tank is clear.

picture- . Julie starts bawling. DINING ROOM . attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music. Dumb-struck. Julie goes to the. then salutes back) Good job. ZOE Welcome home. BILL (he smiles wryly... Shane sees Bill enter. Bill steadies her. a capella) . INT... for a thousand years.. She staggers to.. Lulu has bows in her hair. She sees. mom. MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops.CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Across the room. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. Zoe is in a conservative dress. S SHANE Captain.(singing.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. The Kids rush forward and hug her. INT. 8 JULIE almost faints. ( B 6. Peter is fresh faced. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. no dishes in the sink. smiling. featuring Todd. Lieutenant.. with songs they have sung. KITCHEN .

S S 87.DAY Shane leads Bill inside.. an ANGRY VOICE. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. anywhere you want. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.. You just name it. GARAGE . pause) But I'll have to think about it. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back. reluctant. surprised. Suddenly. Bill holds the pronged key. Sir. all I've never known is the military..INT. Shane. SHANE That's kind of you.. And I think I want to explore that some more. Bill stops. ILL I'm really proud of you. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. BILL I should hope not. Don't get me wrong. Shane continues. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE .

he looks up as he drops. He is losing consciousness.Shane and Bill spin. and Mrs...SHANE Lights out. while SLAMMING their heads together. Mr. Chun comes closer. Things are spinning.. startled.. ..... Mrs. confused. hane takes control! He smiles.. He takes a submissive position. relishing a second of glory -. He turns. and starts to fall.. There were delays. CLOSE-UP . then passes out. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Shane puts his hands behind his head.when suddenly. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up. Chun. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant. Shane shoots Bill a glance. MRS. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. startled. B 88. Disoriented.. SHANE'S POV woozy. reaching for Bill's key. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms.. GUNS DRAWN. Shane peers in confusion.

Inside is a dark corridor. 9. The floor is covered with square tiles. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. livid. Peter has a JUICE BOX. NURSERY . Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. They THE VAULT! Spare.with me.. Chun approach the steel door. The door HUMS. exit. So did the Department of Defense. GARAGE . Chun Bill GAGS Julie.BLACK. They anxiously tiptoe. Chun) secures the room. JULIE I trusted you. The Kids are furious. bright and white. They whimper. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. closing the window shades. with two . Julie glares. Beside the safe is a red switch... Bill and Mrs. INT.. then slides OPEN! enter. Chun) Keep an eye on them.. ILL North Korea pays better. Charles trusted you. tied up.. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. scared. He GAGS the kids. 8 Bill grins. The Korean Man (Mr. (to Mr. FADE IN: INT. Bill and Mrs.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Bill checks the knots binding the children.MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. reaching. You -. INT. and it CLICKS.

. startled -. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy.needing a distraction. like a monstrous computer. Chun guards the kids. Chun is Bokay. He sneers. she unties Zoe! Then -. low-pitched HUM.SAME TIME Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. BEEPING. MRS. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . as if she hadn't moved. Lulu "looks" scared. the Chun spins.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Chun whirls -. Mr.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. MR. horrified -.S. she hits her panic button! O. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. then leans back against Zoe. But behind her back. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. quickly assuming a fake bound position. then Mr. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No.. done. She confidently strides toward the safe -. The air is filled with an ominous. had eyebrows.. Lulu frowns.the Kids look innocent. It's set on ARMED.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.. Tyler GASPS. but the of her jacket is on fire. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. HOUSE . MRS.. eyeballing them icily. Bill eyes the safe. INT. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. Mr. CHUN Just. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. completely SINGED OFF. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed.. off shoulder eyebrows. Mrs.. With a rapid blur of finger-work. CHUN But I've got some C4. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes.

CHUN That's cute. It HURTS. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. BEHIND TODD . Lulu runs. he drops to his knees in pain. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Chun scowls. Chun laughs: MR. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Skeptical. snake-like move. Chun gets up and turns the Mr.W Z 90.. Chun growls and starts to stagger up.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun's face... HAM without warning. when he's at her level. Mr. slamming the door behind her. Mr. he steps closer. Chun looks at Lulu. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's leg. Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. Chun's head. she KICKS him right in the nuts.. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Mr. then. . Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. They untie Julie.

SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. FRONT DOOR .CONTINUOUS Mr.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt... I INT. She SCREAMS. Bill lurches into view. making a small hole. Chun punches the door.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. Chun falls back from the door. DONNGGG -. NURSERY . but the door won't budge. He yells out furious! MR. his face COATED in white..CONTINUOUS Mr. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . INT. He puts his face up to the hole he's made.doorknob. they're trapped inside. INT. Chun's face.... He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.but as Julie exits. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. M E M 91. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. INT. clutching her! The . NURSERY . OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. He sticks his face out the hole.

MR. HOUSE . Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT.kids are horrified. Chun THE RADIO. CHUN Chun falls. She floors it. Mrs. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.I've got the keys. They start to run back. .CONTINUOUS r. unsure.. Chun listens to Mr. they're not going anywhere. MINIVAN .CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. then nod and run to the side garage. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's.. EXT.. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. speaking in Korean: RS. HOUSE .. ARGHH! driveway. Chun comes racing around the house -. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. INT. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.

BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well.Charles didn't tell me about the room. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. I wouldn't have killed him so soon.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. They step past Shane's body. B .SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. INT. Mrs. oe runs a yellow.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. lying on the concrete. GARAGE .. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. INT. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. Julie GASPS. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Then. holding a military RADIO. It's getting old. a CRACKLING of static. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Don't make me kill you too. Chun exits the vault.. chilled. VAN . leading her to the secret door. gaining on them.

. to cut them off! INT. MINIVAN .. ANGLE .. It's like a chariot race.. everyone looks down. The men stare down. my husband has question: MR. Bill deciding if he can trust him. BILL Change of plan. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic.) Bill.he clicks "talk" on the radio. BUSY STREET . half on the sidewalk. Bring them back unharmed.. just please don't hurt anyone.SHANE They look over -. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's B risky. emotional.DAY The vehicles race. Surprised. MRS. ZOE . Chun just inches from the kids' tail. Then -. Bill uncuffs Shane. they might wreck.Shane is standing in the doorway. Chun zooming by. SHANE (O. ILL . ill eyes him. as Zoe drives. He tries to pass them on the right.S. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. CHUN Mr. He does something we can't see. I'll get you in. Bill.93. EXT. Do it.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.. don't hurt the kids.

Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Chun SCREAMS.What's taking you? 94. crayons. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it..MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Mr. . orange peels. Chun with debris: milk cartons. disoriented. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Mr... M R. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. INT. triumphant.. Peter laughs. Exasperated. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Hair spray. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Zoe looks over. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. Chun holds Julie. Chun ROLLS UP his window.. Shane is figuring his options. Mrs. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. It throws Mr. She Mr.. In the van. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. and loses control. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. SECRET VAULT . Mr. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. Chun off for a beat. Bill waits impatiently... Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. CRASH!! The kids cheer.

Tyler! Bill reacts.A bewildered beat -. in pain. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Shane leaps back. Shane SQUIRTS it.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. sending him flying backwards. Lulu.now. . SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. Shane gets up. Shane steps forward. Watch.. confidently: J B B 95 . Peter. ill cocks his gun. He speaks aloud.. Bill laughs. Sweat drips down Shane's face. landing on his hands and knees.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane steps forward . Todd. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. go get it -. BILL Code or no code. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. puzzled. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. over one beam and ducking under another -.

SHANE Shane's thinks. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. He feels the Groove. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. just like the crabs do. lower than the floor. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He steps sideway. across two tiles. He thinks. And you haven't got a chance. . That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). Shane feels the Groove in the floor. Shane LAUGHS sharply.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . E 96 . and do the Peter Panda Dance. He takes a deep breath. not quite centered to the room. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. When you're down and low. NOTHING HAPPENS.they have no idea what he's laughing about.. CLOSE-UP . then back: smiles. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. fearlessly.. Something she said.NOTHING HAPPENS. Julie relieved.. Bill and Julie share a look -. Again -. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. Shane he steps forwards.

If he'd been standing. When he steps back -. Use the gas. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. from the ceiling. Don't follow me! . Inside is the Cute Cop. and he catches up with the minivan -. not the brake.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. his focus gone. he'd be toast. ZOE Come on. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. BUSY INTERSECTION . They have my mom. and our bodyguard -.it takes a while. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. Zoe blows past it.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. 9 7. 5-0. The Squad Car's lights flash on. EXT. they're FLYING.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him.

VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. the Minivan SPEEDS by. like there ain't no floor. The Squad Car is on its tail. Then better jump quick. PLUMMER BASEMENT . Suddenly. NECK-BRACE. My intelligence proved to be faulty.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. .MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. Shane jumps revealing a the corner. EXT. SCHOOL . 98.. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. It's acid. nervously. She shakes her head. Following the chase. Zoe U-turns. INT. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. EXT.. Squad Car turns around and chases her. concerned. at a safe distance. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. in a cloud of smoke. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again.. but if I had more resources. sliding forward. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. almost running it off road. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. and speeds back towards her house. SUBURBAN STREET . Claire frowns. I accept full responsibility. is Mr.. pool of liquid. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor.

I knew you'd figure it out.and walks across the room. almost done. to calm down) Almost done. BILL I'll take that as a "no. if you're willing to join up. Beat. He holds his breath just in time. He's relieved -. All that we stand for. And you betrayed all of that. He flips the switch to DISARMED.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. and jumps back. "Just hold your breath. You were always my best man. The Booby Traps are disarmed.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself." He jumps. Shane. Nothing happens. He lands in front of THE SAFE. The whole room goes SILENT. to the left of the HOLE. BILL (CONT'D) You know. 99.. Shane scowls. Whew. He nervously steps forward . I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. The safe's red light turns green.. BILL Thank you. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. Chun follows. Bill takes a breath -. Finally. What do you say -. Bill shrugs. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Chun to go first. Mrs." . Bill signals for Mrs. She gestures back: you go. sir. It's a stand-off. disgusted. Immediately.he waves his hand over the floor. pulling Julie along. Bill looks around. and jump to the left.

Chun LEAPS onto his back. her hair on end.. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. unrelenting. And he's strong! shoves Shane back.. SIZZLING. Nothing happens. Shane reaches for the safe. Chun reaches out.. MRS. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. hitting Bill's arms.Bill turns to the safe. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. and touches the dial. then PUNCHES him in the gut. head. I walked the floor first. You open it. Bill is incensed. Bill is off guard. shaking from the voltage. legs! He's crazed. Something's not right. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. She turns it. Bill LUNGES. Mrs. Shane shrugs. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. SHANE There will be no mercy. Reluctantly .. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares. But suddenly Mrs. trying to read Shane's poker face. Chun.. Chun doesn't budge. but Shane gazes coldly. BILL None requested.Mrs. He starts to reach for the dial. . I think you better open it.. BILL (CONT'D) . Full of himself. Bill gestures to Mrs. then catches himself. Relief.

they tangle like pro's. unable to gain her balance. Shane narrows his eyes. terrible neighbor. SHANE .. ROUNDHOUSE KICK. connecting only occasionally. knocking her out. But he's unforgiving. ANGLE . SHANE You're a. kick. Bill is charging him. landing on his back in front of the safe. Say. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. PLUMMER'S STREET . OOF! Bill tumbles. IN THE VAN. She catapults. K. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. They punch. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. everyone is SCREAMING. Shane COLD-COCKS her. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. She smiles. SIRENS wailing... Leering mercilessly.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. It's clear the both have the same training. the wind knocked out of him. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. chase after. Shane struggles to lose her. Shane shakes his head. good night. He jumps to his feet. stumbles backwards across the room.O. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. saved. which Shane deflects -.! EXT.BILL He steps over Shane.. The Police Cars . he drops and FLIPS her. tottering.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. delivering a series of hard punches. Shane tumbles. spin. then whispers/sings. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. Suddenly. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.

They look in silence. from the car. Then -. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. then BRAKES.. Shane gently removes it. Shane steps out.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V..101. SHANE . It's finally over. The garage door raises. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. JULIE Thank you Shane. then look in the safe: Inside.and hits a tree. HOUSE . But it's too late.. She smiles at Shane. Whoa. SECRET VAULT .SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. The van SKIDS.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.O. The kids clamber from the van.. Cops surround them. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. GHOST. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. The Kid spill out and run. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . smoke BURNING from the tires -.SAME TIME Total commotion. INT. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Now we can go back to our peaceful. grateful. with their hands raised.

.. The Cops are unsure what to do. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. He's disheveled and manic. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -.CUTE COP FREEZE. Zoe. triumphant.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . you're in a lot of trouble.. I suggest you call the FBI... pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. helpless. uh. Shane weighs his not so many options. MR. Julie and Shane Freeze. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Chun stands inside the gate. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. 10 2. Nobody is sure what to do. Even Chun is amazed. ZOE But. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST.. officer.a CRAZED SCREAM. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. He scoffs. Numerous. vaults onto Chun. as he turns his head. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. CHUN (O. Shane spins.. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. Now. Mr.S.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence.. But then -. Silence. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. Cops cover Shane and Julie. and grabs the MR.

This chaos is unsolvable. SHANE Just doing my job. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. 103.. that was nice work.B. COP I think I'll call the FBI. Agent. PLUMMER HOUSE .B.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. F. You're a one-man battalion.THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. AGENTS swarm the area.rocket launcher. CLOSE-UP . GARAGE . ANGLE . CLOSE-UP . AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men.I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.I. swelling with pride.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.B. then walks off. INT. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. he . Julie huddles with the kids. Wolfe.B.I. F . Shane examines it. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. AGENT Mr.I.LATER F. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. reaches for his radio.. watching the FBI Agents work. Shane talks with an F.

right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.I want to say: I love you more than anything. I'm on dry land. THE PLUMMER HOUSE .. 104. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. then Julie found the key... Lulu -.. Shane looks at her. He looks at Claire. Summer's almost here. The Plummers hug each other. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So.. say -. fallen onto the floor. Does it itch? Yes. and gather around....Yes. from the safe. I always have. here.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. You're the superior office. Tyler. Todd. Peter. A tear comes to her eye.. He looks around: at the family. a letter.Maui? . What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. You tell me. And to tell the truth. re-conning the situation. SHANE . On. Her siblings. and Julie notice. She sees.. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. I'm kinda. SHANE Well. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. Mock-angry. Zoe. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. I don't know. EXT. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. Julie.

. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Zoe gives them a look -. Thank you. Your work here is through. SHANE Ah. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. I'm gonna . P ETER Love you. She puts out her hand.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Shane. ZOE But.. He squeezes her hand around it. Guess you have to go now. interrupting. A long beat. He puts them down. squeezing them off the ground. Lulu turns to Shane.Sir yes sir. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. Julie looks up. Like he did. TIGHT .he can't keep it in. SHANE Claire beams. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. For everything. He starts to head off.his medal. come here you. He wipes his face. baffled.. 105.he hugs the whole family at once.SHANE This is too much. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . Shane bawls -. sad. to shake his. The Plummers all approach.. LULU This is it. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane.

The AUDIENCE goes nuts. You Are Sixteen begins. Shane stands. Scott: in a suit. beaming with pride." In the audience. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Julie watches in astonishment. Farewell. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. They all watch. She is surrounded by her children. BACKSTAGE . The performers take their curtain . Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. even Murney. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long." Hearts swell. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. hit your marks. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. VICTORIA THEATRE. his hair combed. the little Brownie Troop. A STANDING OVATION. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. It's fantastic -. Claire: dressed to the nines. Shane watches with bated breath. Todd spins.a Michael Jordan dunk. rapt. until he sits back down. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. In SLOW MOTION.

Mission accomplished. He humbly steps into view -.imsdb.com/scripts/Pacifier.calls. THE END http://www.and the house goes crazy. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. Shane smiles.html on December 9 2010 . Thundering applause. touched. then giddily gesture Shane to come out. FADE OUT.-The.

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