THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry

Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004

FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --

retracting

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BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.

EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS

SHIP'S HOLD . he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. PLUMMER How did you know where I. United States Navy.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. when I say it. He tries force the door open. him his oxygen.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. over his head...to Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. He cuts the Professor's GAG.. The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water.no highway option. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. When it finally opens. INT. hauling the Professor up. Up to his nose. to the roof. But you have to do exactly what I say.. giving Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. Do you copy? (Plummer nods. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. Shane removes his mouth piece. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. terrified. One of our SEALS calls out to them. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water. As the water rises.. Plummer screams. ON THE DECK . The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. I'm gonna get you outta here. but can't get free.SIMULTANEOUS 4. My way -. EXT. they're almost out of ammo. He's gone. .

terrified..A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. OCEAN'S SURFACE .CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach.CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles. SHANE INT.. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. HELICOPTER . INT. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls. 5. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. holding the Professor. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. Shane takes a deep breath. then disappear gracefully back into the water.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. EXT. pulling the Professor in behind him. SHIP'S HOLD . SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. HELICOPTER . SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. clearly he loves this kind of day. more!" They do. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. He . and pulls himself. Hold on. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. INT.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER .

MOUNTAIN CLEARING . I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. PLUMMER Oh my God. Not imperative to the mission. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.beside him. . Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.. rotors whirling slowly. (then) Don't you have a family? 6. Lieutenant. CHARLES Lieutenant. CHARLES I'm safe. We have to keep moving. I'm just not big on chit chat. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. thank you. That was the most incredible. SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. how'd we. Please. The Professor takes out his mouth piece.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter... the Professor looks terrified.. I can't believe you. Charles stops Shane. shutting him up.. waits. She thinks I'm dead. EXT. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk.

Peter. knocked unconscious.. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead.. PAVE HAWK . I do security. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. I'm alive.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. WHAM. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids. back to him. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe... Lulu.couldn't crack it. Designed it myself. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor. All goes . and talks. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. Shane considers. Todd. PILOT sits. Shane looks at him.. SHANE We're almost ready.. The briefcase pops open. SHANE Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. you want to see it? Negative.. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey. Tyler. DEAD. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. It's voice activated... puzzled. that's my specialty.Charles picks up his briefcase. RUN!!! black.. Charles dials. then hands him his satellite phone. INT. Shane drops. I have a picture of my kids in here. Charles dials his cell phone. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward.

DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. And a good friend. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? . A VERY TALL MAN steps out. His arm and face bandaged. He holds a REPORT in his hand.. There is huge explosion.friendly. You're the best man I ever trained. unconscious.it hurts to salute. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. but he does it anyway. SHANE BILL As you were Lieutenant. Bill sits down beside the bed. SHANE'S P. F ADE TO BLACK: EST.O. HOSPITAL . He looks like he hasn't slept in days. barely conscious.. EXT. Shane reaches out.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed.: Everything is a blur. I know sir. HOSPITAL . Everything is ablaze. despondent. He sees Charles. A Huey Helicopter lands. in slow-motion. PAVE HAWK . He looks around. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. He takes a long look at Shane. and takes Charles' Briefcase. sir.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane.V. SHANE . unassuming. Captain. as the chopper ignites.7. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.

really.. BILL Not a surprise. .S. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Thank you. as I stated in my report. and sits opposite Shane.. Shane sits up.O. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane.SHANE He had to call his family. appreciate your confidence.. BILL . and starts to rise.T. I. is still out there. Then. SHANE Sir.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. He pulls up a chair. SHANE The case was empty sir. 8.H.H.a genius.. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. He can't believe his good fortune. BILL (interrupting:) Negative.S. disappointed. he pulls off bandages. Invigorated. I'm gonna need the mini sub.. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for.T. disconnects an IV.. G. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -. Bill considers this. Bill shakes his head.O.. He called it G.. It's not that kind of mission.

top to bottom. maybe it isn't.Shane listens. CUT TO: INT. intrigued.. The family's scared.. Whoever killed the professor must think G.T. and protect them..if anything happens to me. sir.. I'll call you in an hour.. is in that house.H. Shane Wolfe. She told me someone had broken into her home. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. Shane is shocked.. Shane is surprised. call Lt. I should go. It's just that. I've never been very good with kids. SHANE'S APARTMENT . BILL . we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice.NIGHT . And while you're there -find out if the program is in there. Searched the place. presses play. hearing the dead man's voice. CHARLES (O. He's a good man. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. anyway.S. sir.) Honey..O. Widow. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -.S. I love you. (MORE) 9.. I need someone to stay at that house. I got a call from the professor's wife... Not even when I was a kid sir. I'm alive. Maybe it is. BILL The professor's wife requested you. Either way.

Lulu eyes Shane. we're not interested. Shane looks down -. and pulls out a small. .then the door swings open. 10. night vision goggles.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. It SQUEAKS.and sees LULU. identical to the one he wears. Shane looks like a bad ass. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. they all go in.Shane packs his duffel bag. Shane eyes Lulu. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells).V. ready for anything. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Shane frowns. machete.. Hm...AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. with toys all over the lawn. Shane double-checks the address. camouflage vest. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. EXT. EMALE VOICE (o. He rejects it. SUBURBAN STREET . peering up at him. He reaches in. 8. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. also identical to the one he wears. He looks at for a moment. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.s. Shane's P.. if you're with the Hare Krishnas.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. Shane heads to the door. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts. The sprinklers go off. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. WE hear TINY FEET approach -.O.

The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for

She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the

11.

KIIIDDS!!!

JULIE

Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.

Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll

Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.

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JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.

SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE

JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-

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But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.

He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.

entersJULIE I'll be there.) Julie. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids. JULIE That's wonderful. I think it could contain GHOST. it's Bill Fawcett.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. BILL (o. We slowly pull out..Nighttime -. 14. This could all be over! BILL (o.NIGHT Shane. Shane.s. I have some potentially good news. through the kitchen window.s.. INT. listening to the conversation.) There's a catch. INT. Through the window.. LIVING ROOM . Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her.the family eats dinner. The phone RINGS inside. Julie casually answers it. with her suitcase. Helga will . Swiss law says only his family can access it.s.MORNING stand hug Julie. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning.. Julie and Shane share a look.

. I love you guys. Plummer.. ZOE Mom -. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I'm gonna miss you.. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. And on the back door. I'll be back in 48 hours... HELGA Everything will be fine. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Helga will take care of everything else. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. They'll be safe with me. I am a mom. chill.handle everything. H S . it's just. Mrs..we'll be fine.. SHANE Don't worry.. . And on the phone. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency.. SHANE A her HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. it's my job to worry. are you licensed to kill? . JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children. No. do it. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me.. And guys. Julie gets in the car and it drives away.

WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. on a short ladder. INT.s. He shuts off the - ..he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. INT. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. SHANE (CONT'D) . can't find him. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . Immediately. looks around for the CRYING BABY. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points.. You do something. when in the corner of his eye -.... The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . pouring in Cheerios. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler.. Shane shakes his head. I make bottle. 1 Helga trudges up the path and in.5.WHRRP! Shane ducks.NIGHT Shane..and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME..NIGHT hane rushes in -. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. elga stomps out. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship. Gary suddenly FLIES by . Shane turns off the light. Shane heads down the hall.

jumps onto the trampoline. but alright. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. setting off the PIERCING ALARM. Zoe! . Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. ZOE He's my boyfriend. Zoe -. They both tumble to the ground. Shane LIFTING him in the air. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. runs off. I'll call you.go back inside... Shane runs.. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked.BACK YARD . tool. SHANE So you're the one who broke in.. calling out from across the street. He's dazed. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. house like a marionette. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE.window alarm and sneaks out silently.. fine. SHANE Not with this kid. Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Zoe? SCOTT wearing Zoe runs out the door. EXT. S COTT . Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt. 16.. . He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. ZOE Okay. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. come on Scott. PLUMMER HOUSE .

The alarm stops.. and we found this in our pool filter. We had an intruder. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.NIGHT . SHANE MRS. Look. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. we own a bakery. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Shane stands there. SHANE My apologies. fuming. CHUN (perfect English. Oh. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. THE CHUNS. no accent) We speak English. Kojak. PLUMMER HOUSE . MR. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. CHUN Thanks a bunch. IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S S 17 . Sorry. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut..Zoe storms inside. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. MR. pop their heads out.. so we're up kind of early. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. CHUN . A simple misunderstanding.. I INT. Oh. huh baby-sitter? Mr.. The Alarm's still blaring. Shane's about to head inside.. Shane addresses them.

ZOE Who do you think you are -. to not fall over. ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Shane flips her foot in the air.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o. continues down the hall. Bite me! Shane frowns. You should have told her the truth.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -.s. Loud. plans! I have Zoe's back to her door.) sing). But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. SHANE Not anymore. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. . lower than the floor. Shane marches back down the hall. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. S W 1 8. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. Shane shuts her door. She has to hop on one foot. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). angry rock music blares from Todd's room.

then "crab-walks" sideways. Peter in his bed. one step back. PLUMMER HOUSE . just like the crabs do. warm orange light. INT. The Children. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. In the bedrooms.groove.laugh and laugh. Then jumps up. EXT. he wriggles on the floor. T Z Z T 19. Shane shakes his head. and do the Peter Panda Dance. HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. in bed -. .DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. She does.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. HOUSE . Three steps forward. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. to their beds.

SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. not understanding what's happening. Not in front of the kids. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps. like she's been electrocuted.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. motionless. oe is wrapped in blankets. S . L Move..odd is out cold. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. ODD It's Sunday.m. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight.. Suddenly his door flies open -. 20 . carrying the crying baby. disoriented. INT.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Todd blinks groggily.MORNING Todd sits up. You're insane. Move. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Helga runs through in hair curlers. HALLWAY . TODD'S ROOM . half-asleep and angry. Covering their ears.

No highway option. shocked. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. KITCHEN .LATER The children are assembled. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. HELGA (She curses Again. Your behavior is unacceptable. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler.do you.) Shane's jaw drops. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up... What? SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU SHANE I said -. . LULU ("copying" him) I said -.. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes. sucking on a bottle. lined up tallest to shortest. ladies.do you. L 21. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order. INT.he gives him a look of disbelief.. in Romanian.

ZOE I am not wearing that. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Red Leader. The panic button is only for emergencies. So you are -. He yells at her. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. Shane tries to maintain decorum. End of chain. INT. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. Now that I know I can't trust you.. wait. Everyone cracks up. Red 2. P eter farted. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you. S ULU (CONT'D) . SHANE Tracking devices.you better be dying. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. Angry. ZOE He's in his room. but it's locked.Shane starts to speak then thinks better.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door.. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Everyone stares blankly -. Shane bangs hard on it. Touch that -. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation.. Red baby.a tense silence. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. Never take them off. he's furious.(pointing) Red 1.and you do it. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . He tries the knob. Shane bounds up the stairs. where's the older male? There were five. I tell you what to do -. or you're dead..

. to her room. He has to go.LATER ZOE .they glare at Shane. The entire frame collapses. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. and head down the hall. Red 4! SHANE Open this door! No answer. He sees Shane. SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. If you'd been wearing it.. INT. Can I get by? TODD Embarrassed. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there.a FLUSH.NIGHT The bathroom door opens. I can fix this.MORNING . INT. this wouldn't have happened. Oops. Shane steps aside. hits Shane on the head.. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet. Zoe comes up the stairs.. the destroyed door and wall. Todd nods in agreement. Down the hall -. HALLWAY .22.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. PLUMMER HOUSE . A piece of the ceiling falls. then CRASHES inward. She stops at Todd's door -. INT. and Todd comes sauntering back. patrolling.

S.WHACK -. Shane turns. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. hard. SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. INT. Really? His eyes light up. clicks his alarm remote opens it. Peter! screams. His head shifts.LATER .) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. hey. Daddy even said so. to see that Peter is chasing her. L S 23. Whhhoooooo! PETER and LULU Stop it. He pretends to be a ghost. Peter Booos again.the rumble of a car approaching. wearing a towel as a sheet. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. LULU This house is haunted. PAPERBOY (O. Lulu SHANE Hey.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. just as -. He said there's a ghost. he hears something suspicious -. HALLWAY . I don't know. He rushes for the front door. And then it hits Shane.S hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. Lulu hides behind Shane.

24 Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. pushing. ZOE Here he comes. Searching. Shane scans it.a creak.. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. feeling. Then -. STAIRWAY . F .. inally. Zoe whispers. then turns his attention to his laptop.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. appears. scanning the ceiling.. T IGHT .Shane walks slowly down the hall. BANGING her head and ass on each step. She screams. MR. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.ZOE AND TODD .. I INT. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. He goes back to the living room.. When he hears an alert from his laptop.. carrying a huge laundry basket. all the way down. listening for hollow spaces. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. He RAPS again. as laundry flutters down from above. Nothing.

this is an urgent matter. terrified. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. They wait patiently -. then licks his finger to turn the page. The Banker looks at him blankly.DAY Establishing.They gulp. Then looks back to the paperwork. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. If we can't get some faster service. SWISS BANK . He feebly gets up. looking jet-lagged. mouthing along in FRENCH. 25.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. EXT. He jumps to his feet. INT. He licks his finger again. ZOE Uh-oh. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. Not in Switzerland. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page.DAY Bill and Julie. SWISS BANK . Bill can't stand it anymore. but can't get the page to turn. we're going to have to file a complaint. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. . He seems to be about 100 years old. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. I can't. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. It's taking him a LONG time. BANKER Marcel! out. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him.

The duck flies around. Oui. suitcases in hand. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader. RING! Amid the chaos. He DRAGS her back. PLUMMER HOUSE . QUACKING. He grabs her suitcase. Shane dives. SHANE (CONT'D) . remain calm -- 26.Shane tries to block her path. Shane picks up the receiver.Another Banker. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. Shane moves for the phone. heads to the door -. But I can tell you -. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry. How long is that? INT.you will have access to the box tout-suite. JULIE Thank you. Suddenly. MARCEL BANKER Je ne comprende pas. and Helga dashes for the door. the chief does not speak English. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it.SAME TIME Helga. MARCEL. Peter's in the aquarium. The suitcase handle breaks off. As soon as your background checks clear. As she tries to wrestle it away. grabbing her foot. enters. HELGA I am calm. I QUIT.

He picks up his hand.. Shane lets go. and Shane falls back. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! . You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause. 27. HOUSE . Shane body-checks it closed. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand.. Duty. Mrs. CRUNCH.everything's fine.Helga falls forwards.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Plummer.. Plummer. SHANE (CONT'D) Helga's at the door.Ah. Helga scampers out the door. SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. (covering the phone. that landed on a diaper.. Just doing my. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. against the counter. EXT. Mrs. Shane hangs up the phone. Helga struggles to get him off. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.

LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. Then -.he slowly glances up. we're just gonna have some more big fun. He drops his head.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. ANGLE .SHANE Rises. listen up. There's been a change of plans. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. . ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him.Helga jumps in the cab.. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought. she'll come back. HOUSE . Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. if she loves you. INT. dumbfounded. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. The 28. ANGLE . defeated. In the meantime.CONTINUOUS Shane enters. baby cries. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away.... takes a deep breath and strides inside. in the rear window. Helga glares back. to find the kids are all gloomy. SHANE Okay.

takes a deep breath. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. And then -.it flops open. CLOSE-UP . 29. BATHROOM .. Until -. holding his nose. SShane GROANS. repelled. nice moment. I'm Navy. your enthusiasm. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. SHANE Whoa. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad. Using the tools as chopsticks.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face.MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Only then can we rise to the challenge. HEY! Even Peter runs. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts.. everyone bolts from the room. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. inundated. Pure self-preservation. Nobody will help. INT. All for one.SHANE He gulps. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. .

he looks down to see Lulu.. SHANE LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu.) Thank you. Lulu is in her pj's. like a puppy. Aghast. LULU Hi.. over and over and over. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative. Lulu doesn't go away. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. INT. She follows. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt. he looks around for a solution. then FLUSHES. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. she just stares at him. SHANE (unsure how to respond. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.NIGHT Shane patrols the hall. 30. HALLWAY . it starts making Shane uncomfortable. Lulu follows at his heels.SHANE The things I do for my country.he can't do it. . Shane tries approaching -. I think you're cute. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.

LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. pulling down the shades on every window.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. all the kids asleep. and patrols. Shane breathes a sigh of relief.Shane walks room to room. Todd." dubious. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. And I've survived off this stuff for months. proud of his accomplishment. INT. 31. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG. I can get lots more of those. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. The kids sit down at their designated spots. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. The Kids stare at "breakfast. Lulu looks at him. in beddibye land.it's time for you take a nappypoo.BREAKFAST . All the lights are out. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -. like he's an idiot. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. little girl. KITCHEN . Shane smiles. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. . and shuts off her light.

Shane sighs.. ZOE He's only two. Your mama -. Shane answers. then at Tyler -. Peter stands in his chair. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. (then:) Yes. Wanna see? Negative. trying to hear over the screaming. So -. if I say out. crying.. He runs away..who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. one for all.. We're gonna pull together.. And the phone rings. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. The table cloth is yanked to the floor... . LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.here's how it's gonna be. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay.. all for one.ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs.is not here to take care of you now. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. Peter starts bawling. LULU . Shane turns to Lulu. SHANE Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane. you stay in.. I can cross my eyes.. dancing. ladies. you go out.. I don't have any idea what you're talking about.. If I say in. too. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about.

.. LULU We're gonna be late. 32 SHANE Plummer residence.h. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. I know it's Monday. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT.. perfect parallel park. He hangs up. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . With your . dramatically unveiling Shane. backwards at sixty m. It just doesn't add up. The Minivan skids completely sideways. EXT. SHANE Not on my watch. and at that .9:29 A. GARAGE . Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. sir.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive... A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. EXT. Across his chest.a death defying. INT. into a TINY parking spot -. He said if you're late again. Oh. He wants to see you in his office... Shane fumbles with it for a while. yes. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. A big suburban school. Thank you. innocently. you and Todd are expelled.M.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens. It hits ZERO. Zoe smiles at him. legal guardian.p.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. INT.. GARAGE . he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.

MURNEY aby-sitter huh. The Kids are seated around him. I'm Murphy. Looks like Mrs. son? SHANE Wolfe. too. He withers. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. The Kids crack up. as he plays on the floor. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters. Plummer finally listened. He glares at Shane. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. Duane. K thru 12. mortified.. Out of twenty-three. Murney is unimpressed. conduct and truancy. They're the worst students in my school.P in charge of discipline. Shane. He's HUGE and mean. Murney is furious. tough. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. whatever work you can get. holding Peter on a harness. Top to bottom. 33 MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter. . I coach wrestling. Lieutenant.moment. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. boy. assured. She's attractive.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . V. You're in my house now. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. Well. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. they needed a parole officer. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). a few days.

34. The teens hustle off to their classes. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Lieutenant.. SHANE Red 1. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. huh? You with "The Teams?" The . BELL rings. I am in charge of. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. Good. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.Good morning kids. What are you doing in my office.. Red 2. Plummer called my captain. She told me all about you.and suddenly reacts. that as vice principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. The opens the door for Murney. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. as he casually holds the three kids. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. You see. He exits. I think I can handle this from here. Principal Claire eyeballs him. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. staring him up and down... (then. Claire sees this -. Plummer.two little red DOTS move away. Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. Shane checks his TRACKER -.. fuming. Get moving. impressed.

and the way I run my school. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . dead serious. So. That's the way I live my life. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. Courage. On the spot. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground. SHANE . The 35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. SHANE Can't be too careful. Service paid for my college. Just try not to frighten the children. Claire looks nervously around. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". SHANE . to balance Shane. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle... Welcome aboard.MID-MORNING seeShane. She lifts her pants leg... Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats. SHANE "Honor. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.. Shane stares not sure whether to believe.(Shane nods. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado.. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.

Todd.. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness. . Todd. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler. Lulu sees Shane and waves.Clean as a whistle.O. picks up a pair of binoculars. two. Shane closes the computer. in Shane puts down his binoculars. BINOCULARS P. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class.. turns her back to him embarrassed.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. 36 .LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. with stern intensity. INT. SHANE Give up now. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three. Save us both a world of pain. like a tether ball. Beside Shane.V.V. in line to get lunch.last time: Open the hanger. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. one. He turns to the person front of him. delighted. Black Hawk coming in.O. He checks his tracking device. does the same.. Official Business. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. yanks his hood over his head. Now -.. sitting in the back row of a class. CAFETERIA . Zoe. ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle.

Principal Claire smiles.but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. Seriously. not so dry where you're sitting. (she toasts. When you agreed to serve your country.. Tyler laughs. (she looks at his chair) Well.. huh? Shane gives her a look. man. . 37. by SHANE Tyler starts to cry -.Tyler gurgles. Can I call you Shane? . He yanks Tyler away from him.I out rank you. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. with milk. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. A whole day. You're on dry land. I'm impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.) Shane.. I guess.. lieutenant.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. ignoring him. Mr. Claire smiles. Sure. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. you don't. Shane sighs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. SHANE Hey -. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. Oh. you know.but you're pretty good at this..

.. Look at him. Personally . impressed. Zoe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. the crowd freezes. and the sound of Students in an uproar. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. cheering. unusual.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. MURNEY He did. As soon as they see the Principal. VP Murney is watching. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. in the crowd. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence.. INT. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. (Todd) 38.. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Murney smirks. I don't care who starts it. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. next week's tournament is off. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. and "punches fists" with him. but not stopping it. LUNCH-LINE . as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. MURNEY You heard the lady. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.That's. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table.

He'd kill you so fast.. 39 .. Boys'll be boys. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. The Bell rings.. what do you say? Come on. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. promise I'll go easy on you. Murney approaches Shane. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . . No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. MURNEY Pretty slick.. SHANE . stopping an inch from Shane's head. MURNEY Oh. (low. flinch.. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. I forgot you had to baby-sit. SHANE . Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. the crowd breaks up. Frogman -. That's right. Murney. sticking the landing. sir. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera.Todd lands on his feet. man. Nice moves. I'm on duty. Sorry. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it.I'm a black belt myself. yeah.total control. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch. Todd lunges at him.. Don't even think it. Maybe you could stop by practice. Maybe some other time then.I think that's a little harsh. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -.

following his tracking device.CONTINUOUS . Have fun.. Roger that. and not cry. Panicked.Tyler's diaper is full. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . for one who'll eat. But. SCHOOL HALLWAY . SHANE PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Bathroom's down the hall. INT.. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. doing a shoulder roll. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.. Lt.. Not my job. Emergency! SHANE INT.. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. The Principal strolls up. Shane recoils in disgust. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3..CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall. as he keeps watch.2:55 Shane looks exhausted.change him. another dollar twenty. Tyler is crying. It leads him to a door. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .INT. SHANE Oh -. Just then. He bursts though it. minus taxes. Then Shane smells what she means -. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. holding Tyler out like a grenade. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Uh. 40.

BUSY INTERSECTION .CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. with the Panic Button in her hand.a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. CONSTRUCTION SITE . He hands her to the Principal. are heading away from the school fast.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. his Tracker Alarm sounds again. almost tipping the minivan. EXT. They make a sharp right. but the FINAL BELL rings. He blasts through a red light.the Class applauds. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL.Shane KICKS out one entire Zoe . Shane makes a right. Shane is furious. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. EXT. I INT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE . LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. through the fence. Lulu is in front of the class. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . racing down the road ahead of Shane. He speeds away after them.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. He leaps out of the minivan.2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. 41. Thanks. HALLWAY . Shane lands in fight stance -. EXT. At that moment. SHANE EXT.

Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. and the sound of OMINOUS. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. all brandishing tools. It's horrific. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. Shane easily takes them out. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down. INT. No sweat. ANGLE .SHANE He's alone. Shane pries off the manhole cover. and charges through. . IN THE MANHOLE .LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. SQUISHY footsteps. they hear the front door open. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.It's dark and dank.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. Three Workers rush him.section. From outside. He takes a deep breath and dives under. He winces. then checks the tracker -. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane lowers himself down.the DOTS are CLOSE. then checks his tracker. Shane trudges through the river of muck. INT.he sees the blinking lights below the surface. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. you're about to get a beat down. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. SEWER . He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -. feet away.then gasps -. He catches his breath.then RUN.LIVING ROOM .

CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. . 43 INT. use our nonemergency number. The Cop looks at them. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.LATER Shane is in the shower. KITCHEN . weird hair. CLAIRE I should probably get going then.b. then covers their noses. CUTE COP 14 year old Male. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. The Cop leaves.. . with a smirk. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Everyone gasps. looking like a Swamp Creature. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future.. Zoe checks him out as he goes. thank you. BACK YARD . Covering her nose.. The Cop turns to Shane. The smell is BAD. (into his radio:) Cancel that a. If you need anymore help. he doesn't say anything. She practically GAGS as she passes him.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair.Then the door swings open. Todd stiffens. BATHROOM . Call. Ditto. INT. revealing Shane... INT. 16 year old female. Zoe fixes her hair. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.p.

4 .S. pulling Lulu after him.. The Brownies applaud. He sees on the fridge.a dozen little girls in uniforms. (whispers:) Come on. INT. LULU I can't. You gotta help me out.) Get rid of them.. And it's not like I have any other friends. They won't be home `til ten. close to tears. Shane. Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. Monday.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. SHANE (O. FAMILY ROOM . they're staring at him. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP . LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.Shane enters. If we don't sell enough cookies.all junk food. LULU We have to. it's Monday. cringing in disgust. He looks at it. 4. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. Lulu starts to sniffle. Mom's our den mother. in just a towel. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. and whistle. They already think I'm a loser. we can't go the Jamboree. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. and if we can't go to the Jamboree.

MOMENTS LATER Shane.wait here. ZOE'S BEDROOM .we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. Shane blows passed her. yeah. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. getting ready to go. Here's how it's gonna be... Indian Style..Lulu's about to burst into tears.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. LIVING ROOM . do as I say. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. at attention. ZOE . ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -. He's not just locking them -. SHANE Good. BROWNIE Den Mother? . then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. SHANE Alright." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. Tonight.. INT. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. INT. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. revving a cordless POWER DRILL. KITCHEN . then drills it into place. Now -. I'm gonna be your den -commander. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. I'm scared of you. back in "uniform. They are assembled.. Shane sighs. INT. Zoe's on the phone. . the other to his back.A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. unpacking boxes of cookies.. he's a total psycho. ladies.

4 EXT. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups.5. Snack packs..nothing even looks like food. He smiles. SHANE I gotta get supplies.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. but if anything happens. I dunno if that's a good idea. NOTHING looks familiar -. Zoe picks up the phone. He looks around at the bright.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. GROCERY STORE . GROCERY STORE .CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. but they're . GROCERY STORE . nuts?" EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. it's like Oz or something.PARKING LOT .."what are you. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. He sees: a huge. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz..MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor. Scott... the camera CRANES up to... colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. I can see you through the window. GROCERY STORE . EXT. Tyler looks at him -. hits speed-dial... he's got us on lock-down.. ZOE . (she listens:) Hm. as he pushes a cart into the store. DRIVEWAY . No. EXT.. INT.

. before I get my face punching badge on you.she tugs and tugs. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . One of the Brownies spots something. 46 BROWNIE Oh no. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. GROCERY STORE . you Skeever? . The Cub Scouts high-five.. He laughs.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. menacingly. One The Brownies take off running. clutching their boxes.. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. . but can't get away. I haven't seen anybody. Finally. EXT. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. chubby CUB SCOUTS. and lets her go. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT The Scouts cackle. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. they're back.noticing very shy... In their place are the Chubby Scouts.. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them. He rips it open. They're headed straight towards the cookie table. of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.

CHUCK E. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Get in the car. He bends down. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. trembling. If I don't come back -avenge my death.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. CHEESE . EXT. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. and points at Lulu's Panic button. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . PARKING LOT . Where? SHANE INT.A LITTLE LATER . we're going home. He heads toward the Scouts. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Not cookies. The Brownies scream.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. you're supposed to take us to dinner. I'm here to protect you. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -.22's. He wears . Cheese MANAGER. Around his neck. The Brownies are huddled behind it. Shane's monitor starts beeping. 47.2ND SCOUT Nope. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. He firmly tells Lulu.

. A LITTLE LATER: 48. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. Lulu approaches... MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.CHAOS. playing video games and ball. . this much cyanide. the Chuck E. The Manager approaches Shane. Cheese automaton band JAMS. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. Shane's watching Peter. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. Cheese! Wider reveals. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E.braces and head-gear. which causes him to lisp.. skee Brownies are running around. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. This much The Manager laughs.. On stage. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother.

Round three starts. They begin. and then a kick in the face. He cracks his knuckles. He checks over his shoulder -. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! takes 49 . Unless you're scared. He steps up to the machine.she pins him to the ground. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. stretches. SHANE That wasn't a documentary.LULU I pressed two player. Nobody can jump thirty feet. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Lulu screams out with her fighter. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. then cracks her in half over his knee. kneels on his head.. My joystick's broken. Lulu picks a small female character. then kicks him in the face. I thought you liked combat. Then he a joy stick. Shane is taking it really seriously. The second round starts. spins her. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. SHANE That's not fair. He's really mad. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Shane even get one punch in -. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. .. LULU The Hulk can. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls.

CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone.. Sparks fly.. oops too slow.... INT. Lulu's having fun now. come on -. slamming buttons. LULU Too slow. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. He and the Brownies sneak away..CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. ZOE . HOTEL ROOM .. INTERCUT WITH: INT. LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. the Zhouse is quiet. while he pounds the buttons. PLUMMER HOUSE ... Shane's really fuming. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. ZOE Mom -. dancing.stop worrying... He is KO'd. swing and a miss... She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. leaving the sizzling machine. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. LULU You're not even trying. It's really annoying. Shane's working the joy stick hard.LIVING ROOM . swinging and missing. 50.. She keeps dancing. jumping. it's my job to worry.SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.take a shot. its joystick dangling by its wires. but he can't hit her.

Tonight I'm just doing homework -. Don't worry. ZOE Dude. but you know I have to do this. I love you.in my cell. up. kids everywhere.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). EXT.The Plummer House: . where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. loads Brownies into the minivan. we're okay. then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID. everything's cool. She turns to Scott.LIVING ROOM ..Seriously. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. JULIE It's only a few more days. Zoe rolls her eyes. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling.. . counting them. not cool. 51. PLUMMER HOUSE . who doesn't seem concerned at all. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE .Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. VARIOUS SHOTS . this is outta hand. I hate leaving you. MALL PARKING LOT .CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. And the folks who read my BLOG. ZOE I know. INT. ZOE Dude. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. The guy's just a control freak.

freestyling in the ball pool -. SHANE Inexcusable. Not okay. Suddenly. is fine. INT. He disappears under the balls -.. We see what he forgot: PETER. MANAGER Relax. Silence. move. S 52. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles. to leave a man behind like that.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. out away from him.for a long time. move! Go go! EXT. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look..Move. He holds his breath.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. again. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. He charges across the room with the diaper... still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls. He's holding the diaper.not okay. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. Shane grimaces. SUBURBAN ROAD .. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out.LATER . MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. the Brownies follow.they almost always do. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. and goes down for the diaper. Whoa.. SHANE . The Manager is watching him. gasping. CHUCK E. He's still down there. CHEESE . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.

J.. we're gonna do this . He gets out -. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles.and groans in disbelief. a total wreck. Now. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.KITCHEN . trying to understand. jocks throwing footballs. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere. windows. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. peeing in the bushes.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors.. Party's over. Outraged. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. scared. Reeling. Scott. EXT..then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused.then CRUSHES the ball. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. making out. 53. Zoe's dancing with Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.'s turntables. SHANE Shane unlocks the The jocks flinch. PLUMMER HOUSE . PLUMMER HOUSE . Peter and Tyler up the path..CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. at a full run.NIGHT Shane is exhausted. Shane takes Lulu. vents.. chugging drinks.. as he pulls up in the Minivan.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -.until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. Shane snatches it mid-air -. CLUB lock off the door. then RUN.. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. INT.

A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S.and starts DISSOLVE TO: 54. He hands Scott the mop. He holds it up to a KID. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . ladies... Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. trying to maintain his dignity.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.no highway option. and walk out of sight. Miserable TEENS scrub. he takes it off. They see Shane find the CD. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. Clean. He lifts the sofa.. residue. He fumes.. INT. furiously clean.my way -. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLUMMER HOUSE . ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. Shane's eyes narrow.then he notices something. mopping. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. as kids clean. CUT EXT.CONTINUOUS .SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. PLOP. labeled with a Sharpie. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing. through binoculars.. Scott and Zoe. Shane goes over them.. In a bathroom. Oh my god. in Playtex gloves. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. It reads: GHOST. Scott gulps . straightening -. and rubs his finger UNDER IT.

downstairs! He walks down the hall. and screams in Shane's face. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. shaky and furious. ueasy. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Lulu's crying. PLUMMER HOUSE . Thanks a lot. where she throws up..VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. Zpounding on doors. Because you have no respect for yourself. After a beat. Zoe blows past him -. ZOE . furniture polished.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. They show no respect for you or your house. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. He heads upstairs. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. ZOE I do too respect myself. Rambo. INT.. outside the bathroom door. You're like a robot. (Announces:) Company. Shane . Scott's the last one to leave. helpless..ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Shane hands her a handkerchief. Zoe gets up.. My friends will never come here again. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. she pukes again. CUT TO: EXT. Todd picks her up. PLUMMER HOUSE . you hate us. Shane stands. sits down.into the bathroom.

Shane spins in fight-stance. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. fiercely -. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. close-quarters and fast. SHANE Puberty. tired) It's Scott. Suddenly. TWO NINJAS. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:) Go! Terrified. Suddenly -.. pounding him with their . They leap down after him. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. SHANE You're right.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall.they're good.. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. Go to your rooms. NINJA GHOST -. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect...hand it over! staffs.the power goes out. I'm not the man for this job. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D) ZOE (sighs. The Ninjas attack. Red 1.55.. Wielding with great skill.the three fight. Not even from the enemy. Don't worry. all in black BURST in through the window. talking doesn't do any good. I'm gone. as soon as your mom comes back. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. He goes down.

fiercely.knocking him into. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -. They step back..like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. it makes a silly thunk. several FURBIES hit the floor. 56 INT. He spots a BASEBALL BAT. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. WHACK. Shane fends the Ninjas off. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. SHANE Okay -. he hits a Ninja in the head. and flings them all over the floor. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.. The Ninjas move towards him -. and grabs it. facing them. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it. He pulls the string. and uses them both to fend off blows. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. blinding him.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. avoiding Legos. a squeezes .. PLAYROOM .then the Ninjas charge.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. With his foot. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. toys fly. .. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. Shane crashes down... Shane runs to the changing table.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat.who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.

he hugs Peter and Lulu.. It's okay. Shane isn't sure what to do. He A long pause -.SHANE 57.. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. .SECONDS LATER Composing himself. You can open up. ANGLE . Kids. TODD Who were they? What did they want.. SHANE Shhh.. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.. that your father invented. Shane approaches Zoe's door. KICKING a Ninja in the chest. fearful. HALLWAY .. He squints. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them.? SHANE They're looking for a program. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. SHANE It's safe. INT. quietly knocks. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. Shane bangs the window sill. bawling. Then. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. terrified. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone.then the door creaks open. blinded.. He runs to the broken window.. The cloud dissipates. Todd and Zoe enter. He really hugs them. and Shane sees he's now alone. disappointed to have lost them.. He hugs them. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He sprays it in Shane's face..

But nothing's gonna happen to you. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over.they all jump. it's been a long night. eye to eye. Deal? Truce -.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. They shake -. And I'm not going anywhere. absolutely nothing pottery . I'll listen to you too. LIVING ROOM . He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. Soon. They hug him tighter. Shane offers his hand to shake. INT." And then.. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Then. The kids shudder.. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. you listen to me. "Unchained Melody. all smiles. Then. too..ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel. From now on. relieved. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.. They want this. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. Zoe answers it.. CLOSE-UP . the other kids join in. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. He looks Zoe.. startled. 58. as long as I'm here.then they hug him.a long pause. SHANE They're not after you. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. and do what I say. Shane is furious -. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive.okay? Zoe and Todd nod.

Shane takes the phone. Nope. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. EXT. But we're not sure what it is. but they didn't find it. HOTEL ROOM . SHANE No .CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE 59. They're gone.it's okay. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. They were looking for GHOST. We found something in the box. . SHANE (very genuine) . SCHOOL . as soon as the customs paperwork clears..... She holds up the strange.MORNING Early morning. SHANE Mrs.we'll be just fine.happened you should worry about. The minivan pulls up. students run in to school.. INTERCUT: INT. two men tried to get into the house tonight. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST.. It looks like some kind of "key". Don't worry -. You have any luck? JULIE Well. everyone's fine. and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. We just don't know what its for. yes and no. Plummer.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. metal two pronged KEY.

she wrecked a driver's Ed. . She hangs one of a HUGE HAND. car -.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). I know it's good. a crazed TEACHER next to her.INT. Shane stands off to the side. An obstacle course with cones. egg in some purple dye. THE GYM . Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. then BRAKES. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. Lulu's classmates all chant. He dips an INT. Peter 60 She smiles. and smiles at Shane. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . SCREAMING. LULU'S CLASSROOM .DAY Driver's Ed.. So. Murney stands.she'll pay for the damage. "yeah. He is gesticulating.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Principal Claire next to him. EXT..DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. shaking his head. Zoe sits in a folding chair. SHANE Don't worry. making a mess of an egg. LULU'S CLASSROOM . then BRAKES.. ANGLE on Shane. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. reacting each time she HITS the gas. HITS the gas." Then. ANGLE on Lulu. mortified. Shane nods. squashed at a little desk. who sits in the back. MURNEY . They look concerned.. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. sunglasses on.

it's the boy. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. . and I'm not sure what to do.) See if you can talk to the boy... SHANE He's not a NAZI. Shane gives Zoe a look.That? Lady drivers. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods.. Find out Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. (pulls Shane aside.yes. giving him a "skinhead" look. And that's not all. boys will be boys -. He does always miss sixth period. but -. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. 61. and Shane walks them out. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT. Shane scowls. Zoe shrugs. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. No. what do you expect. what's going on. But this. Todd and Zoe stand to go...but this is just sick... Murney calls into the hallway. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -.I'm a bit concerned. Shane stops. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal.. Todd enters. I was doing a little recon in his locker.. it's not that -.

He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. MURNEY It's a date then. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! . Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats. Shane trips forwards to his knees. and Murney chases after him. Shane. 62. stretching. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. Shane walks the kids out. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. huh? (Shane ignores him.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. I promise I won't hurt you. Kung team: Shane walks away.that whole family's no good. SHANE Another time.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. I'll show you a couple moves. Without warning. maybe.. Murney laughs. and leaps at Shane. we'll give these boys a treat. MURNEY You're a good man. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. kicking him in the BACK. and keeps walking.. if you ask me. and leaves. as he passes. SHANE I'll talk to him.

He starts to shut the window. Shane looks out the window -. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. you're in charge. odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. Keep all doors sealed. I want to talk to you. he can see Todd.. It looks like Shane might fight. Shane screws the window shut.. Shane hops out the window. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. peering out her window. PLUMMER HOUSE . so the alarm didn't go off. and leaves. but the Duck leaps up on the sill. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. The window is wide open. It's pink.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. signal me. keeping the contact. and snickers to his Team. running around the corner. He sees Zoe. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. SHANE Smart kid. but he . He enters. preheat the oven. but instead he takes a deep breath. Shane parks. EXT. Murney his head.shakes Shane turns back. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. Todd runs towards the house. with a flowered basket.far down the block. SHANE Wait Todd. TODD'S ROOM . Nothing. INT. On the corner. do your homework. It's small for him. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.

hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .

inside.

DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...

Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.

65.

And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD

girls'll think I'm.. Shane straightens up. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU... weird or something? 66 .. Todd looks up at Shane.only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know..CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. BEAT. Liesl chimes in. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. or not? Everyone nods.. LIESL We don't have a director. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes.... Shane shakes his head. they're not sure what to do. it's over. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane's glare. TODD . Todd looks devastated -... show's off. Chicks dig guys who can dance.What if. SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling.. SHANE COMPANY -. He smiles. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling.. Shane looks at the Cast. they quickly assemble on stage.

. 67 TODD/CAST YESSIR. I called him in his room. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. SHANE . He hears Zoe in her room. INT. I don't know why I let it get to me.LATER . INT. I know it's no big deal.. I promise..... No wait! . He turns out the light. another girl picked up the phone. YES WHAT? SHANE . angrily. ZOE .. Scott. I won't touch him.. He peeks in -. BREAKING something.Yes. SHANE Okay.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane exits.UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . furious. It's stupid.. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. LULU'S ROOM ..

and they came in from the north... the little Elf family -. Stumped. ULU Tell me a story. The elves had to go in and take it out.Uh. SHANE(CONT'D) One day.. (MORE) T S L 8. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. he illustrates. I 6 . on Lulu's floor. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into. He sits on the bed. So -they waited for cloud cover.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. As Shane finishes the story.. Uranium... To find a secret gnome. setting up the scene with DOLLS. Once there was a family of Elves. Shane looks at her surprised.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive.. Let's see. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. facility... Went into the magic forest..

Like dad used to do.. or he won't stop. Peter starts bawling.mean standing. from across the hall. Shane doesn't know what's wrong..Rodriquez. Todd pops his ODD You have to do the Panda Dance.. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low.. Peter WAILS. .CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. c'mon.. INT. SHANE Oh..... He made it up for him... head in the door.. NURSERY . Lulu's fallen asleep. The wails get louder and LOUDER. We got `em all. TO: AN HOUR LATER: D ISSOLVE Shane's really into the story. S 69. the teeniest little elf of all -. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. Then. And you ain't got a chance. I can't remember that thing. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) .. TODD You have to do the dance. Shane sighs. TODD I'll write it down for you... And not one Elf got left behind that day. and do the Panda Dance. and whispers to Peter. Todd calls from the doorway. Even. lower than the floor.

SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back. with her Gameboy. The Kids sit bolt upright. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. mortified. PLUMMER HOUSE . Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. He does the dance as he sings. He sings again. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman.. staring. Chun gets his paper. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice. They turn to Zoe. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Lulu is next to him.MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. Shane crab-walks sideways. (Tyler in the snuggle). Shane. GARAGE . hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. . T the A 70. and gets in the driver's seat. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Shane hops forward three times..MORNING . Chun. Shane turns and catches Mr. SHANE Today you drive. just like the crabs do.Shane sighs. Peter applauds. Zoe realizes he's staring at her. (He does. terrified. She gets out in shock.) EXT. through the mirror. Humiliated..THE NEXT DAY As Mr..

jerkily. INT.ZOE But -. Zoe backs jerkily out. MINIVAN . but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. I trust you. but trying not to show it.. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. Lulu and Todd are terrified. no.. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Zoe is surprised. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. S P . Touched. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection... not the road..I can't even pass driver's Ed. Keep going.. Shane is shaky. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light. The Kids share a dubious look. Exactly. She pulls out. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. SHANE ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE ot in a car. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. Shane is nervous.

Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Claire strides into view. hey head into the school. trembling. Next lesson.. laughing. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. being obnoxious. Shane spots something.. and a little make-up.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb. SHANE Good. T ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). She's wearing a cute dress. Chastened. Very funny. INT. ZOE Ha ha ha. EXT. almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Suddenly -. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Shane jumps out of the car. Shane unclenches his teeth. Before Scott knows what's happened. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. Scott's terrified. Broken promises lead to broken legs. CAFETERIA . terrified. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. KIDS boisterously run past. severe stare) Now. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Do we understand each other? Scott nods.71.Claire BARKS out. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. 1500 hours. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Shane lets him down and heads into school. the kids gulp and orderly march away. Zoe smiles. with a few FRIENDS.. Shane's ..

She's waiting for him to say. too. It's a miracle. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. Shane`s not so good at small talk. him by the ear. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today... Shane leaps over the table.. Principal Claire sighs "not again. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them. sailor? Thanks. SHANE hey eat in silence.. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO. Suddenly. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . impressed. you never know who you're going to run into. Noon and none of them have been called to my office.." In one move. Love it when he does that.eyes alight. S he sits beside him. Wow. She smiles. He smiles back. 72 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately. dragging . S T P . something. and offers him a milk..

A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. M 73. Talk. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake.. Silence. TODD Hey. Yeah I do. intimidated. Murney turns around. I quit. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. E veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. It opens Friday. Then: TODD I am not scared. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. now it all makes sense. I.... Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. MURNEY Winners never quit.Murney shoves Todd forward. . Todd looks. I'm right here. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah.. Freak? The Students snicker. What're you so scared of. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. boy. No one's sure they heard him right.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. MURNEY I've had it. I want to sing. Murney gets up in Shane's face. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Murney.

His voice cracks -. M urney looks over at the Team. taking flyers. You suck. Murney looks around.it reads: . I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. He storms out. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. it's scary S 74. swarm Todd. Murney did not expect to be called out. There is a stunned moment -. You win. The Gym.me. So calm.Shane steps them.and then a mob of Students. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear. The whole team wants to quit. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. humiliated.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. Let's do it. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. furious -URNEY So -. Everyone is watching. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. protecting him. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. They look to the ground sheepishly. Your ass is mine.face to face. Todd's telling the truth. TODD There is a man in my house -.

3:00. and sweeps Murney -. WHAM. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another. Todd flops to the mat. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. Is he okay? TODD (CONT'D) SHANE . Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane side-steps.sending him right into the wall. Todd cheers Shane on. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. quietly twitching on the ground. rushes Shane. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through." INT. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD who's Shane stands. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. mumbling something. Murney bounds to his feet. GYM . Murney lands on his back. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. shocked. and they head out.3:00 mat. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. M URNEY on. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. Shane throws an arm around Todd. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. S 75. grabs onto Murney's waist. hard. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. Murney.BAM."Murney's getting his ass kicked. The bleachers are PACKED.

. TO: EXT. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. She gives him a thumbs up. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. fascinated. He wears CUT SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods. TODD That was awesome. Todd. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. that's all.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. The crowd cheers. 76 SHANE either. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling . LULU We're Brownies. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. FOREST . BUGS. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go. I got my troops waiting. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. Claire. They walk out. When I Rwanda. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. No brownies edible.Dislocated nerve. If you're not sure. too.

Shane holds a stopwatch.. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. The Duck watches all this -.. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. In unison. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. in perfect tempo. NURSERY .." INT. here.she hits EVERY ONE -. OLD FACTORY . in between punches..FRONT LAWN .fascinated. He illustrates the stage directions. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. EXT.we'll put Von Trapps here.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. KICK. The Kids don't get it. INT.DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. PUNCH. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. MALL PARKING LOT . the Girls PUNCH. PUNCH. He laughs at his own joke.DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows.. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. EXT. this way -and the Von Trapp is set.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. and. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying. PLUMMER HOUSE . He signals her. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him.. he reaches out and rocks it. KICK. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -. she burns rubber. MALL PARKING LOT . Zoe . here at the top of the stairs.

your life little girl. EXT.DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.. MALL PARKING LOT ." Lulu.DAY -"1. mercilessly.BACK YARD . but doesn't fall..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.. EXT. T I E 77.2. They watch closely. is an empty page/that men will want to write on... EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE . as and then her BROWNIE uniform. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. OLD FACTORY . INT.DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. she only clips one.3. in we WIDEN back. NURSERY . it teeters. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches. The Brownies attack. He counts begins wriggling free.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. ODD .. INT. blur. Shane gives her a signal...FRONT LAWN . she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. Hands a T .out and weaves the cones. PLUMMER HOUSE .

"PRICE CLUB" STORE .EVENING . U Shane BLOWS the whistle. Peter. odd tries the spinning kick. Todd tries the kick. Again. NURSERY . Peter. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. He does a spin kick. INT. now and then. Shane is so touched. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE (CONT'D) Good night.he's got it down. Peter Panda. PETER (going to sleep) Good night.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib. SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. daddy. Graceful. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.huh? Now. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. but blows it. 8.hard. THUD! Gazelle. But sweet dreams. adding a James Brown flourish. Shane performs the "Panda Dance. 7 SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. he almost bursts into tears. Graceful. SHANE I'm not your daddy. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. He kisses Peter on the forehead." Singing and doing all the moves -.

Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) LULU Uh oh. scary. As he's comparing prices -. see them. he lands on the ground hard. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. 7 2ND SCOUT He stops short. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike.. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .he sees. The . the Other Scouts are scared. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -. proud. striking a cool pose. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.. In one move. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown.MOMMY! She lets him go -. but like lightning. Across the lot.in a FLIP. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. at their own table.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. she wraps it around his arm. tying him. the Chubby Cub Scouts. The Scouts share a look -. 9. wearing the double snuggle. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. He smiles. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. You're gonna have to pay for that.they LAUGH. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison. The Scout struggles. S SHANE That's my troop. INT. FORMATION.

EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N

80.

- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.

SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.

SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z

Z

S

1.

8

SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?

SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect

telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up.soldier. The phone rings. happy. Shane answers it. She throws her arms around Shane. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. HALLWAY . J 82. WITH: J INT. the kids are all abuzz. EXT. OE I never even got to say good bye. A tear runs down Zoe's face.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. BACK YARD .LATE NIGHT INTERCUT . INT. we're on the first plane in the morning.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. ANGLE . JULIE The red tape is cleared up. HOTEL .SHANE He's left alone. talking excitedly.

He pets the Duck. with. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary.The house is dark. the Duck starts quacking. No reason for personal attachments. Suddenly. he Duck stares.. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. Shane turns. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. hane rises. SHANE Just another assignment. unblinking. GARAGE . Shane sighs morosely. your wings aren't clipped. scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. INT. Three squares a day.NIGHT hane turns the light on.. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T S S S T 83. Shane sits in a lawn chair. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. Kids to play S .

SHANE What happened. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.. unsuccessfully. The Kids are watching his progress. we see a CRANK WHEEL. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. leading below the garage. Shane dials a phone. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. TO: to S 84. . and then it gives. only It's solid and inscrutable. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Lulu hands him a tool. No hinges or cracks.. he floor opens. The break in its surface is a strange.MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. GARAGE .. Shane steps down it.. revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE.. INTERC UT: B harder. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. The wheel spins. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. crack the lock all night. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. DISSOLVE INT..CONTINUOUS There's a small room. Nothing. Shane looks on stunned. INT. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight.. shines it down the grate. He's been trying.. He tries muscles rippling.

towards the neighbor's house. Do you have it? SHANE No. MRS. Except for -. pleased. can't crack it. I think I found GHOST. Julie sits beside him. I've been trying all night. he answers it. Okay. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work.. TO: INT. sir.don't do anything `til I get there.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. An ominous pause. Through a window.Lulu. SEDAN . Away from Shane. relieved. GARAGE .CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. and hangs up.. After we turn this in to my CO.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Everyone reacts happily.EXT. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. GARAGE . don't do anything further... Bill reacts. excited. W e PUSH INTO the house. BILL . revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Silently spying on Shane.. It's in a steel vault. TO: INT. We'll be there shortly -. SHANE Sir! Excellent news.. She looks stricken. GHOST. Bill's cell phone rings. CHUN CUT BACK .

: The house is spotless. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left. HOUSE . in the next room. Lulu? You should be happy.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up.. so they probably trashed the place.does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP . Julie and Bill hop out. SHANE You guys better get ready.. JULIE'S HOUSE . Kids singing a beautiful.O. he has no answer.SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. LULU But.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door. Your mom CUT TO: EXT. I 85. Tongue-tied. INT. should be home soon. Bill is carrying her suitcases.they hear.SHANE He goes silent.. J JULIE'S P. She trails off. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music)..V. The fish tank is clear. comes into the dark hall. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Shane -. The rug is vacuumed. KIDS VOICES . in shock.

Julie starts bawling. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly. Lulu has bows in her hair. She sees. The Kids rush forward and hug her. no dishes in the sink. mom. Julie goes to the.(singing. INT. INT. ( B 6. Shane sees Bill enter. Peter is fresh faced. Bill steadies her. Dumb-struck. S SHANE Captain. smiling. for a thousand years. featuring Todd. Lieutenant. then salutes back) Good job.. Across the room. She staggers to. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music... BILL (he smiles wryly... ZOE Welcome home.. Zoe is in a conservative dress. DINING ROOM .CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. a capella) . picture- . MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family.. with songs they have sung. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. 8 JULIE almost faints. KITCHEN .

. anywhere you want. reluctant. Shane. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy.INT. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE . Sir. ILL I'm really proud of you. I'm giving you your choice of assignment. Bill stops. a bit SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. an ANGRY VOICE. GARAGE . Bill holds the pronged key. And I think I want to explore that some more. surprised.DAY Shane leads Bill inside.. Shane continues. pause) But I'll have to think about it. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets. Don't get me wrong. S S 87. BILL I should hope not. You just name it. all I've never known is the military. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. SHANE That's kind of you.. Suddenly.

reaching for Bill's key..SHANE Lights out. They checked out- KOREAN MAN ands up! Compliant.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms. He is losing consciousness. Chun. SHANE'S POV woozy. Chun comes closer. then passes out.. There were delays.. startled. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. Things are spinning. startled. He takes a submissive position. Shane peers in confusion.. He turns. confused. B 88. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. Disoriented. ... Shane shoots Bill a glance. CLOSE-UP . CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. hane takes control! He smiles. Mr.. he looks up as he drops. Chun? H The CHUNS strides up.. while SLAMMING their heads together... relishing a second of glory -. Shane puts his hands behind his head.. MRS.Shane and Bill spin. and Mrs. Mrs. GUNS DRAWN. and starts to fall.when suddenly.

GARAGE . They whimper..MOMENTS LATER FADE TO Julie and the Kids are on the floor. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. The door HUMS. They THE VAULT! Spare. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. Charles trusted you. livid. Bill and Mrs. and it CLICKS.BLACK. The floor is covered with square tiles. The Kids are furious. The Korean Man (Mr. bright and white.. exit. Chun approach the steel door. Bill checks the knots binding the children.with me.. Peter has a JUICE BOX. FADE IN: INT. with two . So did the Department of Defense. reaching. Chun) secures the room. INT.DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill and Mrs. NURSERY . 9. 8 Bill grins. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. then slides OPEN! enter. tied up. ILL North Korea pays better.. scared. JULIE I trusted you. He GAGS the kids. You -. Julie glares. INT. (to Mr. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. They anxiously tiptoe. Inside is a dark corridor. Beside the safe is a red switch. closing the window shades. Chun) Keep an eye on them... Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen.

BEEPING. Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. CHUN But I've got some C4. Mr. but the of her jacket is on fire. low-pitched HUM.. Chun whirls -. she hits her panic button! O. It's set on ARMED. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. But behind her back.. like a monstrous computer. then leans back against Zoe. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. the Chun spins. MRS.settings: ARMED and DISARMED. MRS. completely SINGED OFF.. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. off shoulder eyebrows. Lulu "looks" scared. Tyler GASPS. she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Lulu frowns. INT. The air is filled with an ominous. With a rapid blur of finger-work.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd.. He sneers. CHUN Just.SAME TIME Mr.. quickly assuming a fake bound position. MR.S.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. Bill eyes the safe. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I one?" . Chun's eyebrows are neatly. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. She confidently strides toward the safe -. eyeballing them icily. done.the Kids look innocent.needing a distraction. startled -. HOUSE .. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. Chun is Bokay. had eyebrows. horrified -. then Mr. Chun guards the kids. she unties Zoe! Then -. Mrs.. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. as if she hadn't moved.

she KICKS him right in the nuts. Chun's head. when he's at her level. Chun laughs: MR.. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D) All the kids bounce up.. slamming the door behind her.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. BEHIND TODD . Mr. Skeptical. They untie Julie. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. It HURTS. snake-like move. HAM without warning. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. then scoop up Peter and Tyler.. CHUN That's cute.. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Mr. then. Mr. Lulu runs.W Z 90. he drops to his knees in pain. Chun's face. he steps closer. Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun scowls. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. . Mr. Chun's leg. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off.

.. AGGGH! JULIE ITSELF. clutching her! The .. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY .CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. Chun punches the door. Bill lurches into view. but the door won't budge.doorknob. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.but as Julie exits.CONTINUOUS Mr.Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. INT. INT. DONNGGG -. his face COATED in white. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. FRONT DOOR . CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt.. Chun's face. a HAND suddenly GRABS her.. He yells out furious! MR. Chun falls back from the door. making a small hole. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . I INT. She SCREAMS. INT. NURSERY . they're trapped inside. M E M 91. NURSERY .SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -. He sticks his face out the hole..CONTINUOUS Mr.

. HOUSE . EXT. INT. Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret.I've got the keys. unsure. speaking in Korean: RS. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's. Mrs. They start to run back. She floors it. ARGHH! driveway. Chun comes racing around the house -.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside.CONTINUOUS r. Chun THE RADIO.. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. MINIVAN . . then nod and run to the side garage.. CHUN Chun falls.kids are horrified..as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun listens to Mr. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. almost clipping him! Z Z 9 2. HOUSE . they're not going anywhere. MR.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.

as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. Mrs. Omigod! OE What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. INT. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. I wouldn't have killed him so soon.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. lying on the concrete. GARAGE . B . Julie GASPS.Charles didn't tell me about the room. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. I want to know how to get through the booby traps.. Don't make me kill you too. INT. gaining on them. oe runs a yellow.. chilled. Chun exits the vault. holding a military RADIO. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. a CRACKLING of static. Then. It's getting old.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. leading her to the secret door. VAN . BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. They step past Shane's body.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint.

) Bill.. Do it. ZOE . Bring them back unharmed. EXT. BILL Change of plan. Chun just inches from the kids' tail.93.DAY The vehicles race. It's B risky. Bill deciding if he can trust him..CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. CHUN Mr. SHANE (O. The men stare down.. Surprised. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. It's like a chariot race.SHANE They look over -.he clicks "talk" on the radio. ill eyes him. BUSY STREET . He tries to pass them on the right.Shane is standing in the doorway. everyone looks down.S. I'll get you in. NO! JULIE Julie goes frantic. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. half on the sidewalk. don't hurt the kids. Then -. Chun zooming by. ILL . He does something we can't see.. ANGLE . Bill uncuffs Shane. just please don't hurt anyone. Bill. my husband has question: MR. MINIVAN .. MRS. emotional.. as Zoe drives. they might wreck. to cut them off! INT.

WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.. TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Chun ROLLS UP his window. disoriented. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it. Chun holds Julie.. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. Bill waits impatiently. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. Mr. and loses control. triumphant.. crayons.. In the van. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Shane is figuring his options. .. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Chun with debris: milk cartons. Peter laughs. It throws Mr. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. She Mr. Mr. orange peels.What's taking you? 94. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. CRASH!! The kids cheer... Mrs. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Zoe looks over. Chun SCREAMS. Exasperated.. SECRET VAULT . Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. M R. Hair spray. Mr. Chun off for a beat. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. INT.

in pain. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. Todd. Shane SQUIRTS it..ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane steps forward . . Bill laughs. go get it -. over one beam and ducking under another -. Shane gets up.. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Peter. Tyler! Bill reacts. Shane steps forward. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. ill cocks his gun. ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But.now. BILL Code or no code. Sweat drips down Shane's face. sending him flying backwards. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. He speaks aloud. Shane leaps back. confidently: J B B 95 . landing on his hands and knees. Lulu. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward.then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. puzzled.A bewildered beat -. Watch.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch.

then back: smiles. not quite centered to the room. Bill and Julie share a look -. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times.. lower than the floor. E 96 . Calmness comes to Shane's face. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.. He feels the Groove. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. Julie relieved. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. When you're down and low. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. across two tiles. and do the Peter Panda Dance.NOTHING HAPPENS. Shane LAUGHS sharply. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). NOTHING HAPPENS. And you haven't got a chance. It dawns on Julie what he's doing.they have no idea what he's laughing about. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. just like the crabs do. Again -. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. CLOSE-UP .. He steps sideway. He takes a deep breath. . Shane he steps forwards. He thinks.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. Something she said. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . fearlessly.. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor.SHANE Shane's thinks.

They have my mom. ZOE Come on. If he'd been standing.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. When he steps back -.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. he'd be toast. from the ceiling. they're FLYING.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. and our bodyguard -. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. not the brake. 5-0. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. Use the gas. EXT.A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. BUSY INTERSECTION . and he catches up with the minivan -. Inside is the Cute Cop.it takes a while.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. 9 7. Zoe blows past it. The Squad Car's lights flash on. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. Don't follow me! . imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. his focus gone.

VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.SAME TIME a Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. nervously. but if I had more resources. The Squad Car is on its tail. at a safe distance. 98. Following the chase. SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. INT. the Minivan SPEEDS by. She shakes her head. He's in MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. is Mr. It's acid. Shane jumps revealing a the corner.. EXT. PLUMMER BASEMENT . My intelligence proved to be faulty. Squad Car turns around and chases her... EXT. sliding forward. .. concerned. NECK-BRACE. Zoe U-turns. I accept full responsibility. in a cloud of smoke. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. pool of liquid. Claire frowns. and speeds back towards her house. SUBURBAN STREET . almost running it off road. Suddenly.the The She swerves into the Squad Car. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. like there ain't no floor.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. Then better jump quick. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed. SCHOOL .

Shane. disgusted. Mrs. The whole room goes SILENT. You were always my best man. "Just hold your breath. sir. And you betrayed all of that. Immediately. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Chun to go first.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. Bill shrugs.he waves his hand over the floor. almost done. What do you say -. I knew you'd figure it out. He holds his breath just in time. He flips the switch to DISARMED. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Bill signals for Mrs. The safe's red light turns green. Whew. Chun follows. Finally. and jumps back. It's a stand-off. She gestures back: you go. All that we stand for.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Bill takes a breath -. He nervously steps forward ." . BILL (CONT'D) You know. and jump to the left. to calm down) Almost done. He's relieved -. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance." He jumps. The Booby Traps are disarmed.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. pulling Julie along. Nothing happens. BILL I'll take that as a "no. to the left of the HOLE.and walks across the room. Beat.. Shane scowls.. He lands in front of THE SAFE. BILL Thank you. if you're willing to join up. Bill looks around. 99.

Bill is incensed. Bill LUNGES. Shane reaches for the safe.Mrs. SHANE There will be no mercy. her hair on end. BILL (CONT'D) . Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. head.. Full of himself. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. She turns it.Bill turns to the safe. Shane shrugs. unrelenting. Relief. Chun. Bill gestures to Mrs. Chun reaches out. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks.. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. Reluctantly . MRS. then catches himself. I walked the floor first. He starts to reach for the dial. BILL None requested. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges. shaking from the voltage. but Shane gazes coldly. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Nothing happens. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her. hitting Bill's arms. Something's not right. legs! He's crazed. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. and touches the dial. But suddenly Mrs. SIZZLING. Mrs. Chun doesn't budge.. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.. trying to read Shane's poker face.. . then PUNCHES him in the gut. You open it. Bill is off guard. He BILL (CONT'D) Shane glares.. Chun LEAPS onto his back. I think you better open it.

he drops and FLIPS her. chase after.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. terrible neighbor. It's clear the both have the same training.! EXT. SHANE You're a. Shane narrows his eyes. OOF! Bill tumbles. IN THE VAN.O. connecting only occasionally.. Bill is charging him. ANGLE . saved. which Shane deflects -. delivering a series of hard punches.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane tumbles. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. Shane shakes his head. SHANE . BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. SIRENS wailing. PLUMMER'S STREET . Suddenly. The Police Cars . Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings. spin. stumbles backwards across the room. But he's unforgiving. tottering.. She smiles. unable to gain her balance. She catapults. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. K. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.. kick. the wind knocked out of him.BILL He steps over Shane. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls.. good night. landing on his back in front of the safe. everyone is SCREAMING. He jumps to his feet.they tangle like pro's. Shane COLD-COCKS her. Leering mercilessly. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. They punch. Say. then whispers/sings. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. knocking her out. Shane struggles to lose her. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters.

from the car.O. The kids clamber from the van. Shane steps out.SAME TIME Total commotion. smoke BURNING from the tires -. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. Whoa.SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. Now we can go back to our peaceful. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway.and hits a tree. She smiles at Shane. Shane gently removes it. Then -. The van SKIDS.. GHOST. HOUSE . They look in silence. then look in the safe: Inside.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. The garage door raises. SHANE . The Kid spill out and run. Cops surround them.101.. JULIE Thank you Shane.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT.. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think . with their hands raised. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. It's finally over. SECRET VAULT . grateful. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP. But it's too late. TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. INT.. then BRAKES.

. Nobody is sure what to do. uh.. MR. officer. helpless. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. CHUN (O. Shane spins. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. as he turns his head. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.S. Chun stands inside the gate.. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. I suggest you call the FBI. triumphant. He's disheveled and manic... Silence. you're in a lot of trouble. 10 2...CUTE COP FREEZE. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. Shane weighs his not so many options. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Now. Cops cover Shane and Julie.a CRAZED SCREAM. ZOE But. Numerous. Mr. vaults onto Chun. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet.. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. The Cops are unsure what to do. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. But then -. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins. He scoffs. and grabs the MR.) HIT THE GROUND!!! . Zoe. Julie and Shane Freeze. TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Even Chun is amazed.

F.LATER F. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. Agent. AGENT Mr.I. then walks off. GARAGE .. CLOSE-UP . Wolfe.SHANE He breaks into a big grin. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. You're a one-man battalion. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CLOSE-UP . COP I think I'll call the FBI.I. PLUMMER HOUSE . SHANE Just doing my job. watching the FBI Agents work. This chaos is unsolvable.B. Shane talks with an F. that was nice work. ANGLE . INT..THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.B. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Julie huddles with the kids.B. swelling with pride.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around. AGENTS swarm the area. reaches for his radio. 103. F . Shane examines it.I. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.rocket launcher. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. he .CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him.I.B.

. Tyler. Lulu -. then Julie found the key. and gather around. SHANE .. and Julie notice. You're the superior office. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Shane looks at her. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. And to tell the truth.Yes.. She sees. On.. Todd. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here.. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission.I want to say: I love you more than anything. Her siblings. I always have.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. fallen onto the floor. Does it itch? Yes. I don't know. from the safe... I'm kinda. EXT. say -. 104. Summer's almost here. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. THE PLUMMER HOUSE . Peter. Zoe. You tell me. I'm on dry land.. Julie... Mock-angry. SHANE Well. re-conning the situation. A tear comes to her eye. here. The Plummers hug each other. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. a letter.. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. He looks at Claire. He looks around: at the family. LULU FBI AGENT Zoe is looking at the safe.Maui? .

He wipes his face. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Your work here is through. Zoe gives them a look -. Like he did.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. She puts out her hand. interrupting.. He puts them down. The Plummers all approach. LULU This is it. P ETER Love you.he can't keep it in. Julie looks up. TIGHT . Thank you. A long beat. squeezing them off the ground. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night. ZOE But. SHANE Claire beams.he hugs the whole family at once. Guess you have to go now. to shake his. SHANE Ah. Shane bawls -. I'm gonna . For everything. baffled.. come here you.SHANE This is too much. Shane..his medal. Lulu turns to Shane. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. sad. 105.Sir yes sir. He starts to head off. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe . He squeezes her hand around it.. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -.

CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Julie watches in astonishment.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. his hair combed. The performers take their curtain . Shane stands.a Michael Jordan dunk. Todd spins. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg. rapt. Farewell. the little Brownie Troop. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. VICTORIA THEATRE. Claire: dressed to the nines. You Are Sixteen begins. until he sits back down. BACKSTAGE . beaming with pride. Shane watches with bated breath." Hearts swell. A STANDING OVATION. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines." In the audience.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. Scott: in a suit. hit your marks. even Murney. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. In SLOW MOTION. They all watch. It's fantastic -. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. She is surrounded by her children. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family.

Thundering applause.html on December 9 2010 . Mission accomplished. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.and the house goes crazy. He humbly steps into view -. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him.com/scripts/Pacifier. THE END http://www.-The. Shane smiles.imsdb.calls. FADE OUT. touched.

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