THE PACIFIER Written by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry
March 3rd, 2004
FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. REAngels. water. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. the The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. PILOT What's happening? The Pilot looks below.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUNTOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D) Grab the professor, quick! 3.
EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! 2 The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
My way -. PLUMMER How did you know where I. terrified. when I say it.. United States Navy. Shane removes his mouth piece. over his head.no highway option. in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. He's gone. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water..SIMULTANEOUS
4... they're almost out of ammo. He cuts the Professor's GAG. INT. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. SEAL (CONT'D) Give it a second. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.
The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. Up to his nose. ON THE DECK . he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. I'm gonna get you outta here.
. But you have to do exactly what I say. as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles. but can't get free. him his oxygen. Shane doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.. As the water rises. He tries force the door open. Plummer screams.
Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth. where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. EXT. One of our SEALS calls out to them. When it finally opens. hauling the Professor up.to
Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold.CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics. SHIP'S HOLD . to the roof.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room. Do you copy? (Plummer nods.
OCEAN'S SURFACE . more!" They do.MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Chopper's four meters at your 10 o'clock. SHIP'S HOLD .CONTINUOUS looks Shane smiles.CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods. INT. SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. 5. SHANE
INT. until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. Shane takes a deep breath. He
. Hold on. pulling the Professor in behind him. holding the Professor.CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls...A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door. terrified. and pulls himself.
ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER . It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.The Seal calls out: "shoot more. INT. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. HELICOPTER . HELICOPTER . clearly he loves this kind of day. EXT. SEAL (CONT'D) Now Lieutenant. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. then disappear gracefully back into the water.
Charles stops Shane. She thinks I'm dead. Lieutenant. EXT. We have to keep moving. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. CHARLES Lieutenant. (He pats his briefcase) You saved more than just my life today.A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.
SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point.. thank you. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No.
. shutting him up.. how'd we. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. Please. PLUMMER Oh my God. MOUNTAIN CLEARING . CHARLES I'm safe. I'm just not big on chit chat.. the Professor looks terrified. rotors whirling slowly. waits. That was the most incredible.... (then) Don't you have a family?
6. Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth. Not imperative to the mission. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative.beside him. I can't believe you.
. DEAD. I do security. All goes
.. WHAM. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -. CHARLES (CONT'D) Honey.. The briefcase pops open. Peter. Designed it myself. Tyler.. Charles dials. nothing CHARLES Battery's dead. SHANE We're almost ready. Shane drops. Shane turnsSHANE (CONT'D) Professor.couldn't crack it. I'm alive. PAVE HAWK . Shane looks at him. He holds the lock up to his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY. RUN!!! black. Charles dials his cell phone. Shane considers. Just gives us a -
The Pilot slumps forward. Lulu. SHANE
Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. PILOT sits. that's my specialty...Charles picks up his briefcase. and talks. puzzled. And you should see what happens to you if open it without the code. you want to see it? Negative. CHARLES (CONT'D) My kids... then hands him his satellite phone.. back to him.CONTINUOUS The Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. INT.. It's voice activated. I have a picture of my kids in here. Todd. except for the phone and a family PHOTO. knocked unconscious.
HOSPITAL . His arm and face bandaged. SHANE'S P.V. F ADE TO BLACK: EST. HOSPITAL . SHANE
BILL As you were Lieutenant. And a good friend.DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. unconscious. despondent. as the chopper ignites..it hurts to salute. He takes a long look at Shane.MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. BILL (CONT'D) We've been through a lot together Shane. PAVE HAWK . Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure.friendly. He holds a REPORT in his hand. He sees Charles. A VERY TALL MAN steps out. Captain. A Huey Helicopter lands.
EXT. in slow-motion. and takes Charles' Briefcase. He looks around.O. Bill sits down beside the bed. unassuming. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone?
. barely conscious. You're the best man I ever trained.: Everything is a blur. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. but he does it anyway. There is huge explosion. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -.DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed. Everything is ablaze. SHANE . sir. I know sir. Wolf lies facedown in the stream..7. Shane reaches out.
. 8. really.H. He pulls up a chair.. but they couldn't get S inside the briefcase. appreciate your confidence. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't launch its own nukes.. he pulls off bandages. and starts to rise. G. Bill considers this. It's not that kind of mission.O.. Then. Invigorated.. Thank you.S. SHANE The case was empty sir. Shane sits up. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes.
.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. A lapse in judgement on my part that I regret sir.O. He called it G.SHANE He had to call his family.T.
Bill shakes his head. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them.S. as I stated in my report. I need access to an EP3 aries 2 spy plane. BILL .. SHANE Sir.T. (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. BILL Not a surprise. is still out there..a genius. disappointed.H. I'm gonna need the mini sub. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for. He can't believe his good fortune. and sits opposite Shane. SHANE (CONT'D) I'll need to put a team together. I. BILL (interrupting:) Negative. disconnects an IV.. Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -.
T.Shane listens. Not even when I was a kid sir. and protect them.S. Either way. I've never been very good with kids. Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket. sir. BILL (CONT'D) Two days ago. I should go. CHARLES (O. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that. I love you. sir. CUT
TO: INT. It's just that. I need someone to stay at that house. (MORE)
9. She told me someone had broken into her home. And while you're there -find out if the program is in there.. intrigued. call Lt.NIGHT
. BILL The professor's wife requested you. I got a call from the professor's wife.. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -. Shane Wolfe. top to bottom.. Widow. The family's scared. Shane is shocked. I'll call you in an hour. Searched the place. maybe it isn't.
BILL(CONT'D) She's scared. He's a good man.. You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir.H.) Honey. Maybe it is. presses play..... Whoever killed the professor must think G. BILL .S.. Shane is surprised. I'm alive. anyway.if anything happens to me. is in that house. SHANE'S APARTMENT .O. we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. hearing the dead man's voice..
with toys all over the lawn.O. we're not interested.. He reaches in. like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.s. Hm. Shane double-checks the address. ready for anything. He opens the closet: There's a massive furcollared coat. peering up at him. then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM.Shane packs his duffel bag. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. Lulu eyes Shane. old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed.. they all go in. if you're with the Hare Krishnas. He opens a drawer: There's five t-shirts.V.AFTERNOON A taxi door opens.) (before she sees Shane:) Look. It SQUEAKS. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of those long cheerful doorbells).. Shane looks down -. then goes back to his it chest of drawers. Shane heads to the door. night vision goggles. 8.. Shane frowns.
EXT. identical to the one he wears. machete. and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. He looks at for a moment. Shane's P.: Julie's unkempt suburban house. then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. SUBURBAN STREET . He rejects it. Shane eyes Lulu.then the door swings open.
. The sprinklers go off. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. also identical to the one he wears. EMALE VOICE (o.
10. Shane looks like a bad ass. and pulls out a small. WE hear TINY FEET approach -.and sees LULU. camouflage vest.
The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. coming. Thank you for
She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D) Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. stairsPetite Julie SCREAMS up the
Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D) Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D) You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be staying with us for a while. All the kids except for ToddKIDS Hi.
Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. be checking. And I'll
Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into... INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I knew it when I married him. No one's to blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at ease," keeping one eye on the duck. Mrs. PlummerSHANE
JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here-
But Shane is already gone. C UT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard.
He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
Julie and Shane share a look.s. This could all be over! BILL (o. and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. Helga will
. We slowly pull out. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids.MORNING stand hug Julie. Swiss law says only his family can access it.. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER . Shane..) There's a catch. INT.
14..NIGHT Shane. with her suitcase. I think it could contain GHOST. entersJULIE I'll be there. it's Bill Fawcett. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. JULIE What is it? BILL (o. listening to the conversation.the family eats dinner. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the Julie gives her. INT. through the kitchen window.s. Through the window. The phone RINGS inside.. Helga and the Kids in the doorway. Julie casually answers it. LIVING ROOM . BILL (o.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. I have some potentially good news.Nighttime -.) Julie. JULIE That's wonderful.
I love you guys. SHANE Don't worry. JULIE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. I'll be back in 48 hours. Mrs.. I am a mom. it's just. And guys. I'm gonna miss you. Helga will take care of everything else. HELGA Everything will be fine. H
. whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know. are you licensed to kill? .. Plummer. all the emergency numbers are on the fridge.....we'll be fine. No.. (Worried:) But if there is an emergency. . They'll be safe with me. HELGA (CONT'D) Tell me. Okay? ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops chewing gum bubble. I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my children.handle everything. And on the phone... Julie gets in the car and it drives away. SHANE
HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. it's my job to worry. ZOE Mom -.. And on the back door. chill. do it.
.. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins. Gary suddenly FLIES by . elga stomps out.. Shane heads down the hall. on a short ladder. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. Shane shakes his head... HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM . can't find him. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. pouring in Cheerios. screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o. when in the corner of his eye -... Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. Shane turns off the light. Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the. SHANE Could you turn that dowAnd Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a corner staring at him. He shuts off the
. Immediately.WHRRP! Shane ducks. looks around for the CRYING BABY.NIGHT Shane. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . I make bottle.5. SHANE (CONT'D) . INT.NIGHT hane rushes in -.and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. S SHANE (CONT'D) HeyTodd disappears. A diapered Peter stands in the half full AQUARIUM. You do something. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D) You run a very loose ship.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS.he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. INT.s..
Helga trudges up the path and in.
PLUMMER HOUSE . He's dazed. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure.
runs off. fine. S COTT . Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a twenty dollar BILL. Zoe? SCOTT
Zoe runs out the door. jumps onto the trampoline. Shane runs. They both tumble to the ground. 16.. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.
EXT. In the middle is a TRAMPOLINE. SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. (to Todd:) You -Gimme twenty! Freaked. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. setting off the PIERCING ALARM..window alarm and sneaks out silently. Scott starts to grabs Scott the back of Scott's shirt.. SHANE (CONT'D) I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled. tool. spinning him away from the do lame push-ups. come on Scott.BACK YARD . ZOE He's my boyfriend. house like a marionette.. but alright. SHANE Not with this kid. Shane LIFTING him in the air.go back inside. revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood. Zoe -.. . ZOE Okay..CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. I'll call you. Zoe!
. calling out from across the street.
..Zoe storms inside. We had an intruder. CHUN (perfect English. pop their heads out. we own a bakery. SHANE
SHANE My apologies. MR. about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff. Sorry. CHUN . IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S
17 . MR. Shane addresses them. Shane stands there. Oh.. A simple misunderstanding. he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The Alarm's still blaring. no accent) We speak English. Try to keep that zoo reigned in. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway.. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple.NIGHT
. Oh. Look. I INT. and we found this in our pool filter. PLUMMER HOUSE . CHUN Thanks a bunch.. The alarm stops. Shane's about to head inside.. THE CHUNS. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. huh baby-sitter? Mr. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Kojak. so we're up kind of early.
continues down the hall. Shane flips her foot in the air. where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might ELGA When you're down and low. Loud. lower than the floor. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room). ZOE Who do you think you are -. You should have told her the truth. Zoe falls backwards into the room. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.)
sing). SHANE Not anymore. Shane marches back down the hall.
. bangs on Todd's doorLights out.
ZOE (CONT'D) Let me go! It's Saturday night. Don't make a move `til you're in the SHANE (CONT'D) TODD (o.then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. S W
1 8. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger.s. And you feel like you ain't got a chance.my dad? Zoe starts to turn -.hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Bite me! Shane frowns. angry rock music blares from Todd's room. But Shane catches her foot -and whirls her away. to not fall over. plans!
Zoe's back to her door. She has to hop on one foot. Shane shuts her door.
HELGA (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. to their beds. Peter in his bed. Then jumps up.
EXT.DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood. She does. in bed -. The Children. warm orange light. a SERIES OF SHOTS: L Tyler snores in his crib. he wriggles on the floor. just like the crabs do.groove.
. PLUMMER HOUSE . and do the Peter Panda Dance. HOUSE .laugh and laugh. then "crab-walks" sideways.SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. In the bedrooms. T
Z Z T
ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. Shane shakes his head. HELGA (CONT'D) Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no more. Three steps forward. one step back. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times. INT. keeps walkingSHANE This family's in for a rude awakening.
HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. motionless.
. TODD'S ROOM .. HALLWAY . Suddenly his door flies open -. Not in front of the kids. The Whistle GETS LOUDER.odd is out cold. You're insane. ODD It's Sunday. carrying the crying baby. half-asleep and angry.m. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps.and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. OE Huh? Wha--?! INT. oe is wrapped in blankets. like she's been electrocuted. not understanding what's happening. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. INT.CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Todd blinks groggily. Move.! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a. Covering their ears. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Helga runs through in hair curlers. disoriented. L Move.MORNING Todd sits up..
) Shane's jaw drops.LATER The children are assembled. in Romanian. Your behavior is unacceptable. LULU ("copying" him) I said -. lined up tallest to shortest.do you.
. INT. HELGA (She curses Again.he gives him a look of disbelief. L
SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. KITCHEN . Do you copy? Do you copy? What? LULU
SHANE I said -..do you. shocked. No highway option. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes.. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler. sucking on a bottle. ladies.. In order to maintain a state of safety we need to maintain a state of discipline and order.. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way.
Red baby. Angry.Shane starts to speak then thinks better.you better be dying. End of chain. He tries the knob. He yells at her. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula. or you're dead.SAME TIME S hane marches to Todd's shut door. he's furious. Everyone stares blankly -. wait. Shane tries to maintain decorum. He reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small hightech button. Never take them off. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY .. where's the older male? There were five. Red Leader.. Shane bangs hard on it. Touch that -. Shane bounds up the stairs. with footsteps silent like death -Shane looks to Zoe for translation. SHANE Tracking devices. The panic button is only for emergencies. ZOE I am not wearing that. Everyone cracks up. SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered He straps one to each Kid's wrist. ZOE He's in his room. Just because my mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to take orders from you.(pointing) Red 1. Red 2. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names.and you do it. P eter farted. I tell you what to do -. So you are -. Now that I know I can't trust you. INT.. S ULU (CONT'D)
. but it's locked.a tense silence. Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works..
SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. PLUMMER HOUSE ..LATER ZOE
. then muttersSHANE Here's your bracelet... the destroyed door and wall. then CRASHES inward. TODD'S ROOM hane charges inSHANE It didn't have to go down likeTodd isn't there. Can I get by? TODD
Embarrassed. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it. Oops.SMASH! The wood CRACKS. hits Shane on the head. and head down the hall. this wouldn't have happened. and Todd comes sauntering back. INT. He has to go. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist. patrolling. I can fix this.
SHANE Open this door!
No answer. to her room. Todd nods in agreement. HALLWAY . He sees Shane.MORNING .NIGHT The bathroom door opens. Zoe comes up the stairs. Down the hall -. INT. Shane steps aside.they glare at Shane. The entire frame collapses. A piece of the ceiling falls.. INT.22. If you'd been wearing it. She stops at Todd's door -.a FLUSH.
SHANE And where is this ghost? ULU I've never seen it. he hears something suspicious -.S
hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. just as -.LATER
. He pretends to be a ghost. clicks his alarm remote opens it.
I don't know.the rumble of a car approaching. L S
23. HALLWAY . LULU This house is haunted. hard. Whhhoooooo! PETER
LULU Stop it. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. He rushes for the front door. hey. And then it hits Shane. to see that Peter is chasing her.the MORNING PAPER connects with his face. Lulu SHANE Hey. INT. Daddy even said so. He said there's a ghost. Peter Booos again. wearing a towel as a sheet. Lulu hides behind Shane. PAPERBOY (O.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose.S. His head shifts. Really? His eyes light up. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. Shane turns. good soldiers aren't afraid of anything. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.WHACK -. Peter! screams.
STAIRWAY . As he walks he glides his hands along the wall. scanning the ceiling. The footsteps againTODD He's coming backBut Helga.
Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. all the way down. She screams.Shane walks slowly down the hall.. then turns his attention to his laptop. inally. Zoe whispers. BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. takes a step onto the stairs -HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs.. He goes back to the living room.! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. listening for hollow spaces.. carrying a huge laundry basket. pushing. feeling. as laundry flutters down from above. He RAPS again.SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. Searching.a creak. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down. Nothing. ZOE Here he comes. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.. Todd and Zoe's faces fall. When he hears an alert from his laptop. Then -.. BANGING her head and ass on each step. I INT. appears. F
. MR.ZOE AND TODD
.. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Shane scans it. T IGHT .
He feebly gets up.
. sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. and shuffles across the room to a WATER COOLER. I can't. this is an urgent matter. They wait patiently -. SWISS BANK . terrified. If we can't get some faster service. 25. BANKER Marcel!
out. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. EXT. Then looks back to the paperwork. ZOE Uh-oh. It's taking him a LONG time.DAY Establishing. INT. Not in Switzerland. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass. mouthing along in FRENCH. looking jet-lagged.til their patience runs BILL As we discussed. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. Bill can't stand it anymore. The Banker looks at him blankly. He seems to be about 100 years old. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. He licks his finger again. He jumps to his feet.DAY Bill and Julie. but can't get the page to turn. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. we're going to have to file a complaint. then licks his finger to turn the page. BILL (CONT'D) This is absurd. SWISS BANK .They gulp.
I QUIT. Shane picks up the receiver. How long is that? INT. and Helga dashes for the door. the chief does not speak English. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry.SAME TIME Helga. remain calm --
26. heads to the door -. suitcases in hand. SHANE (CONT'D)
. The duck flies around. As she tries to wrestle it away. grabbing her foot. MARCEL
BANKER Je ne comprende pas.Another Banker. Oui. JULIE Thank you. QUACKING. He grabs her suitcase. Shane moves for the phone. MARCEL. PLUMMER HOUSE . Peter's in the aquarium. SHANE (CONT'D) Hello--(sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. RING! Amid the chaos. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door.
HELGA I am calm. that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. He DRAGS her back.Shane tries to block her path. But I can tell you -.you will have access to the box tout-suite. Shane dives. As soon as your background checks clear. Suddenly. AGGH! HELGA These brats! Sugi Pula!
SHANE Red Leader. The suitcase handle breaks off. enters.
Ah.Helga falls forwards.
27. SHANE (CONT'D) That is not a problem.everything's fine. CRUNCH.. Just doing my.CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. Helga struggles to get him off. and Shane falls back. He picks up his hand. the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D) Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -. as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. Mrs. against the counter. Shane hangs up the phone. HOUSE . Plummer. that landed on a diaper.. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!!
. Shane lets go.. (covering the phone. Shane body-checks it closed. so Julie can't hear the struggle) No no -. SHANE (CONT'D)
Helga's at the door. Helga scampers out the door. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause.. Duty. Plummer.
SHANE (CONT'D) Take care. Mrs. SHANE (CONT'D) Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Helga chomps down on Shane's hand. EXT.
ANGLE . she'll come back. He drops his head.. in the rear window. INT. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry. defeated. In the meantime. Helga glares back.he slowly glances up. There's been a change of plans.SHANE Rises. to find the kids are all gloomy. then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. The
28. SHANE Okay.. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him. baby cries. Then -. dumbfounded. if she loves you. we're just gonna have some more big fun. Your mom's not coming back as soon as she thought..CONTINUOUS Shane enters. listen up.
. takes a deep breath and strides inside. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day.SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief.
LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. ANGLE . HOUSE ..Helga jumps in the cab. SHANE (CONT'D) (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away.
inundated. BATHROOM . takes a deep breath.
29. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey.
CLOSE-UP . Nobody will help. HEY! Even Peter runs. I'm Navy. nice moment. everyone bolts from the room.FWRPPPP! But I appreciate
SHANE (CONT'D) Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. SHANE Whoa. All for one. holding his nose. and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. SShane GROANS. Pure self-preservation. Only then can we rise to the challenge..MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. INT.SHANE He gulps.. WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. he cautiously unfastens the diaper. repelled.
hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. And then -. Until -. your enthusiasm.
. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad.it flops open.ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts. holding out the Baby at full arm's length. Using the tools as chopsticks.
it starts making Shane uncomfortable. he looks around for a solution. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet.) Thank you.
LULU (CONT'D) What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? Affirmative.. Lulu doesn't go away. She follows. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. A hand tugs on Shane's shirt.he can't do it. Lulu is in her pj's. he looks down to see Lulu.NIGHT
Shane patrols the hall.SHANE The things I do for my country. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk.. LULU Hi. Shane tries approaching -. then FLUSHES. INT. she just stares at him. SHANE (unsure how to respond. HALLWAY .
30. I think you're cute. making sure all the doors and windows are locked. like a puppy.
. over and over and over. SHANE
LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Aghast. Lulu follows at his heels.
. INT.it's time for you take a nappypoo. all the kids asleep. SHANE (CONT'D) Don't worry. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed. The Kids stare at "breakfast.
Todd. Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. little girl.
31. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. in beddibye land. On the table in front of each place is a tan BAG.MORNING The Kids are dressed for school.Shane walks room to room. pulling down the shades on every window. I can get lots more of those. LULU (CONT'D) Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level. proud of his accomplishment. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Lulu looks at him. KITCHEN . Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a coffee packet. All the lights are out. and patrols. like he's an idiot. The kids sit down at their designated spots. And I've survived off this stuff for months. and shuts off her light.BREAKFAST . Shane breathes a sigh of relief. and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -." dubious. confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO EAT) in front of them.
. PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey. all for one. Shane answers.
.is not here to take care of you now. Your mama -. SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears.who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. If I say in. (then:) Yes. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. I can cross my eyes.. crying.. We're gonna pull together. Shane sighs.. then at Tyler -. you stay in. LULU .. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay. Peter stands in his chair. if I say out. ladies.. So -.. ZOE He's only two. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. He runs away. And the phone rings.. you go out. Peter starts bawling. dancing. he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. too. SHANE
Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane..ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. Wanna see? Negative.. trying to hear over the screaming.. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that.. one for all. Shane turns to Lulu.here's how it's gonna be.
. dramatically unveiling Shane. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. legal guardian. LULU We're gonna be late. He hangs up." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT.a death defying. GARAGE . EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL .. I know it's Monday.. A bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom. He said if you're late again. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. It hits ZERO. sir. you and Todd are expelled. wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. SHANE Not on my watch.9:29 A. innocently. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. EXT. INT. perfect parallel park. Across his chest.MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive. Thank you.. STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside.. INT. GARAGE .h. Shane can't hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. A big suburban school. Shane fumbles with it for a while.MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. backwards at sixty m. into a TINY parking spot -. and at that
SHANE Plummer residence. The Minivan skids completely sideways. He wants to see you in his office. With your . Zoe smiles at him..p. It just doesn't add up. EXT... Busses and PARENTS are parked at the curb. he's got a bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes.MOMENTS LATER He's The garage door opens.M. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE . yes.
moment. K thru 12. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). Out of twenty-three. She's attractive.. MURNEY (CONT'D) (To Shane) What's your name. mortified. Well. holding Peter on a harness. I'm Murphy. Lieutenant. He glares at Shane. They're the worst students in my school. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Murney is furious.
. conduct and truancy. Murney is unimpressed. Top to bottom. Looks like Mrs. The Kids crack up. son? SHANE Wolfe. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's) enters.
MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a baby sitter.P in charge of discipline. too. as he plays on the floor. You're in my house now.. V. they needed a parole officer. assured. Duane. boy. the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle. He's HUGE and mean. a few days. I'm in charge of watching these kids for. Plummer finally listened. (re: Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
. whatever work you can get. He withers. I coach wrestling. MURNEY (CONT'D) She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed classes. tough. The Kids are seated around him. Shane.
BELL rings.. Plummer called my captain.. Good. You see. SHANE Red 1. Mrs. The teens hustle off to their classes. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. impressed. Claire sees this -. fuming.two little red DOTS move away. What are you doing in my office. Principal Claire eyeballs him. Shane checks his TRACKER -. Red 2..Good morning kids.and suddenly reacts. huh? You with "The Teams?" The
. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Lieutenant. she thought the kids needed PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay. Plummer. I thought I asked you to find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. that as vice principal. She told me all about you. Murney? MURNEY I was explaining. as he casually holds the three kids. Get moving. staring him up and down.
34. I think I can handle this from here.. I was briefed of the situation by Mrs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. He exits.. (then. confidential:) My informant's about to crack. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. The opens the door for Murney.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I am in charge of. Lieutenant.
35. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here.. SHANE Can't be too careful.. SHANE .. SHANE
.(Shane nods. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted.
Shane stares not sure whether to believe. So. That's the way I live my life. JUMP CUT TO: EXT.. Just try not to frighten the children. Permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. Service paid for my college. Welcome aboard. (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the saw in the school's playground.. SHANE "Honor. and the way I run my school.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON.MID-MORNING seeShane. dead serious. to balance Shane.. revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Commitment". Claire looks nervously around. A picture of Claire in a Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats.. On the spot. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . She lifts her pants leg. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS. Courage.
CAFETERIA .. like a tether ball. He turns to the person front of him.V. with stern intensity. Peter is running in circles around him on his harness.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Todd. sitting in the back row of a class.V. SHANE Give up now.last time: Open the hanger. BINOCULARS P. SHANE (CONT'D) Back off. as Shane goes from window to window of from the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window her seat in a class. Zoe. in his safety seat -trying to get him to eat. does the same. Black Hawk coming in.Clean as a whistle. Shane closes the computer. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler.
. Peter is destroying a sandwich with animal crackers..LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P. Todd. one. in Shane puts down his binoculars. yanks his hood over his head. Official Business. delighted.. Lulu sees Shane and waves. picks up a pair of binoculars. INT. Now -.. with a group of HIP FRIENDS. in line to get lunch. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade.O. turns her back to him embarrassed. Save us both a world of pain.
ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. He checks his tracking device.O. Beside Shane. SHANE (CONT'D) Open in T minus three.
36 . two.
Tyler laughs. SHANE
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So.) Shane.
SHANE Hey -. not so dry where you're sitting. with milk. and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. ignoring him. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. When you agreed to serve your country.
... huh? Shane gives her a look. He yanks Tyler away from him. Mr. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here.
37. You're on dry land. Principal Claire smiles. Oh. Seriously. (she toasts. A whole day. Can I call you Shane? .. I guess. Claire smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids. I'm impressed.but you're pretty good at this. (she looks at his chair) Well. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. lieutenant. Shane sighs.. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. I bet you didn't know you'd be serving creamed bananas to one year olds. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -. Sure. by SHANE
Tyler starts to cry -. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. man..but Shane stops him from crying making a funny face. you know.Tyler gurgles.I out rank you.. you don't.
and "punches fists" with him. cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt. Zoe.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd. MURNEY The kid's mixed up.CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring. Personally
... Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner. Murney smirks. Shane hands Tyler off to the Principal and leaps over the table. as four STUDENTS in Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. cheering. and the sound of Students in an uproar. MURNEY You heard the lady. in the crowd. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. the crowd freezes. Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. LUNCH-LINE . (Todd)
38. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. INT. Look at him. I don't care who starts it. but not stopping it. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. MURNEY He did. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him.. VP Murney is watching. unusual. As soon as they see the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again. impressed. and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.That's.. next week's tournament is off.
I'm on duty.. SHANE .I think that's a little harsh.Todd lands on his feet.
. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Murney approaches Shane. what do you say? Come on. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder.. He'd kill you so fast. Murney. Boys'll be boys. (low.I'm a black belt myself. Maybe some other time then. MURNEY Pretty slick. to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here.
flinch. Shane doesn't MURNEY (CONT'D) See -. Frogman -.. man. yeah.. Todd lunges at him. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D) Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. SHANE . PRINCIPAL CLAIRE . Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch.. I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. the crowd breaks up. The Bell rings. promise I'll go easy on you. That's right. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Maybe you could stop by practice.
39 . stopping an inch from Shane's head. Don't even think it.total control. Nice moves. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -. we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Sorry.. sticking the landing. sir. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane.
Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. Panicked.CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall.. Have fun. another dollar twenty. SCHOOL HALLWAY . INT. holding Tyler out like a grenade. SHANE
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. 40. he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean. Not my job. He looks at his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. Uh.. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY . doing a shoulder roll.2:55 Shane looks exhausted..INT. for one who'll eat. Lt. Roger that. Emergency! SHANE
INT. aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to. Peter is asleep in his shoulder. and not cry. following his tracking device. It leads him to a door.
Just then. minus taxes. Bathroom's down the hall.change him..Tyler's diaper is full. Shane recoils in disgust. He bursts though it. Then Shane smells what she means -. Tyler is crying. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. The Principal strolls up. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM .CONTINUOUS
. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day.. But. as he keeps watch. SHANE Oh -.
are heading away from the school fast. racing down the road ahead of Shane. BUSY INTERSECTION .the Class applauds. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.
EXT.Shane KICKS out one entire
.MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -. HALLWAY . with the Panic Button in her hand. but the FINAL BELL rings.CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . through the fence. Lulu is in front of the class. EXT. his Tracker Alarm sounds again.
41. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. He looks at the tracker: and Todd are dead ahead. He speeds away after them. CONSTRUCTION SITE .a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -. He blasts through a red light. SHANE
EXT. I INT. Shane makes a right. Shane lands in fight stance -. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2. He hands her to the Principal. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE .2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Shane is furious. They make a sharp right. almost tipping the minivan. At that moment. Thanks. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG.CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids.MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side. EXT. He leaps out of the minivan.
LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. and charges through.then gasps -. From outside. IN THE MANHOLE . SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy.the DOTS are CLOSE.LIVING ROOM . Shane pries off the manhole cover. Red 1? SHANE Red 2? He looks down.he sees the blinking lights below the surface.
INT.then RUN. you're about to get a beat down. He catches his breath. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. No sweat.
It's horrific. feet away. then checks the tracker -. INT. to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He winces. Shane easily takes them out. Shane lowers himself down. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -.It's dark and dank. and the sound of OMINOUS. SQUISHY footsteps. SEWER . He takes a deep breath and dives under.
. ANGLE .section. then checks his tracker. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42. Shane trudges through the river of muck. Three Workers rush him. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -. all brandishing tools. they hear the front door open. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around.SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE.SHANE He's alone. PLUMMER HOUSE .
Ditto. The Cop looks at them. BACK YARD . INT. BATHROOM . use our nonemergency number. looking like a Swamp Creature. Zoe checks him out as he goes. That's the one to call if nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. with a smirk. weird hair. The Cop turns to Shane. Call. Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. She practically GAGS as she passes him. If you need anymore help. CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine. Covering her nose.Then the door swings open.DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. Todd stiffens. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe.
..b. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane.. he doesn't say anything.. Everyone gasps.
.. then covers their noses. 16 year old female. INT. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. KITCHEN .. He pours an entire bottle of SHAMPOO over himself. The Cop leaves. revealing Shane. Zoe fixes her hair. The smell is BAD. (into his radio:) Cancel that a.
INT.p. CUTE COP (CONT'D) In the future. thank you.LATER Shane is in the shower. CUTE COP 14 year old Male.LATER Tyler is in a high-chair. but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.
Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -. SHANE (O. If we don't sell enough cookies. (whispers:) Come on.S. we can't go the Jamboree. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room. in just a towel. cringing in disgust.CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop. it's Monday. pulling Lulu after him. and whistle. Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. They already think I'm a loser.) Get rid of them.Shane enters. And it's not like I have any other friends. cause mom never lets me out of her sight. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my mission. FAMILY ROOM . INT. 4. before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP .all junk food.. they're staring at him. Lulu starts to sniffle. close to tears. Monday. He looks at it. He sees on the fridge. Everybody's parents go out on troop nights. Shane. You gotta help me out. 4
. They won't be home `til ten. LULU We have to. LULU (CONT'D) Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. LULU I can't. Mom's our den mother. The Brownies applaud.. and if we can't go to the Jamboree.a dozen little girls in uniforms.
at attention. They are assembled. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -.
. I'm scared of you. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door.. Zoe's on the phone. Shane sighs. INT. SHANE Alright. I'm gonna be your den -commander. ladies.. revving a cordless POWER DRILL.. Shane ushers the Troop out the door. then drills it into place.Lulu's about to burst into tears." paces in front of the Brownie Troop. he's a total psycho... INT. He's not just locking them -.he's SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. ZOE'S BEDROOM . Shane blows passed her. the other to his back. INT. unpacking boxes of cookies.. Now -.wait here.MOMENTS LATER Shane. Tonight. back in "uniform. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something. ZOE . Indian Style. SHANE Good.we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH. yeah. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence.MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. LIVING ROOM . getting ready to go. then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -one attached to his front. Here's how it's gonna be. do as I say. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow. BROWNIE Den Mother? .A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room. KITCHEN .
... EXT.. GROCERY STORE .. 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. INT.PARKING LOT .MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor.5. not munchkin Oz -HBO Oz.nothing even looks like food. He sees: a huge..CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies.MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. he's got us on lock-down. but they're
. GROCERY STORE . EXT.MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. nuts?" EXT. I can see you through the window. (she listens:) Hm. colorful boxes of Children's Cereals. GROCERY STORE . but if anything happens. LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway. Snack packs. He looks around at the bright.. Scott..
EXT. ZOE . He smiles. as he pushes a cart into the store. it's like Oz or something. ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside. the camera CRANES up to. I dunno if that's a good idea. SHANE I gotta get supplies. No.. Zoe picks up the phone. hits speed-dial..."what are you. Tyler looks at him -. DRIVEWAY . GROCERY STORE . Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups. NOTHING looks familiar -.AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs.
UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. The Cub Scouts high-five. before I get my face punching badge on you. GROCERY STORE .noticing
very shy. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT . SHOPPERS blow passed them without even them.. and lets her go. He rips it open... of the Scouts grabs Lulu -.
. the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. I haven't seen anybody. chubby CUB SCOUTS. EXT. clutching their boxes.
BROWNIE Oh no. you Skeever?
. They're headed straight towards the cookie table.. dumping the cookies on the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -. but can't get away. menacingly.but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? Brownies? 2ND SCOUT
The Scouts cackle. Finally. they're back. we see who she means: A group of bad ass. He laughs. How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT. One of the Brownies spots something.. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs. One The Brownies take off running. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu.she tugs and tugs. In their place are the Chubby Scouts..
Around his neck. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. Shane's monitor starts beeping. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win . Cheese MANAGER.A LITTLE LATER . PARKING LOT . who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy.SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. Where? SHANE
EXT.I'm afraid I have to eliminate them. CHEESE .2ND SCOUT Nope. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -. Get in the car. He bends down.DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. The Brownies scream. I'm here to protect you.22's. If I don't come back -avenge my death. we're going home. CHUCK E. trembling. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. He heads toward the Scouts. Not cookies. The Brownies are huddled behind it. He wears
. you're supposed to take us to dinner. He firmly tells Lulu. and points at Lulu's Panic button.
SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. the Chuck E.CHAOS. Shane's watching Peter. this much cyanide... SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya.. which causes him to lisp. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him) ice.. but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles.. A LITTLE LATER:
48. in the PLASTIC BALL POOL. playing video games and ball. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of Mischer Pibb? What? SHANE
MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb?
Frustrated. Cheese automaton band JAMS.. Cheese! Wider reveals.
. On stage.
Brownies are running around. the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. This much
The Manager laughs. while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Lulu approaches. The Manager approaches Shane.braces and head-gear.
then kicks him in the face. Lulu picks a small female character. Unless you're scared. They begin. SHANE That's not fair. spins her. Shane even get one punch in -. Then he a joy stick. stretches. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks.LULU I pressed two player. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. Shane is taking it really seriously. He steps up to the machine.she pins him to the ground. He's really mad. Nobody can jump thirty feet. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. kneels on his head.. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. then cracks her in half over his knee.
. He cracks his knuckles. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter.
She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. and then a kick in the face. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. My joystick's broken. I thought you liked combat.. Brownies have gathered around to can't watch. The second round starts. Round three starts. SHANE (CONT'D) This isn't fair. in unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated!
49 . LULU The Hulk can. He checks over his shoulder -.Peter's happily splashing about in the plastic balls. Lulu screams out with her fighter.
She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.. the Zhouse is quiet.. swing and a miss. SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. PLUMMER HOUSE . dancing. leaving the sizzling machine. jumping. she's just avoiding Shane's fighter. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. LULU You're not even trying.. Shane's really fuming. LULU Too slow.
LULU (CONT'D) In your face! I am the greatest hand-tohand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE..LIVING ROOM . come on -. it's my job to worry.. HOTEL ROOM . He is KO'd.take a shot.. Sparks fly.. swinging and missing.stop worrying. while he pounds the buttons. its joystick dangling by its wires... slamming buttons.. She keeps dancing. Lulu's having fun now. ZOE
. INTERCUT WITH: INT..SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest.CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom. oops too slow. ZOE Mom -. INT.. but he can't hit her. He and the Brownies sneak away.. Shane's working the joy stick hard.CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone. It's really annoying..
Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED. where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.Seriously. The guy's just a control freak.
up.Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. JULIE It's only a few more days. loads Brownies into the minivan. EXT. 51. then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back Zoe looks around at the mess. ZOE I know. ZOE Dude. this is outta hand.CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle). I love you. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE
. not cool. who doesn't seem concerned at all. counting them. .. MALL PARKING LOT . VARIOUS SHOTS . then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID.LIVING ROOM . I hate leaving you. She turns to Scott.in my cell. but you know I have to do this.CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up. Tonight I'm just doing homework -. PLUMMER HOUSE . INT.The Plummer House: . everything's cool. who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling. Don't worry. we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in its cradle. we're okay. ZOE Dude.
Zoe rolls her eyes. kids everywhere. And the folks who read my BLOG..
CHUCK E. and goes down for the diaper. is fine. SHANE Inexcusable.. move! Go go! EXT. except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. the Brownies follow..LATER . LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces.Move.. gasping. move. INT.not okay. He disappears under the balls -. to leave a man behind like that.. The Manager is watching him. Whoa. out away from him. again. He's still down there. SUBURBAN ROAD . The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look... We see what he forgot: PETER.for a long time. the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles.MOMENTS LATER Shane drives. He holds his breath. he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. S
52. CHEESE . Suddenly. MANAGER Relax. Silence.
Shane grimaces. freestyling in the ball pool -. MANAGER (CONT'D) WHOA. a look of horror comes across Shane's face. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -. He's holding the diaper. He charges across the room with the diaper. still happily playing in the pool of plastic balls.they almost always do. we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -which Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out. SHANE
.DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in. Not okay.
POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. SHANE No one leaves until this house is spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell. SHANE (CONT'D) Oh no you don't. vents. Shane takes Lulu. at a full run. Shane snatches it mid-air -. as he pulls up in the Minivan.then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings. PLUMMER HOUSE . peeing in the bushes.. a total wreck. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. we're gonna do this
. Reeling.J. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts.'s turntables.. He protectively guides them past the craziness -. Outraged. making out.then CRUSHES the ball.. Party's over.NIGHT Shane is exhausted.Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors. Zoe's dancing with
Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.CONTINUOUS Inside is worse. He gets out -. I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -. SHANE Shane unlocks the
The jocks flinch.. chugging drinks.and groans in disbelief. scared. EXT.. AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Scott. jocks throwing footballs..until a football suddenly WHIZZES by. PLUMMER HOUSE . 53. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere.KITCHEN . Now. windows. CLUB lock off the door.. trying to understand.. Peter and Tyler up the path. then RUN.
as kids clean. Shane wipes a finger down the sofa.. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling. and walk out of sight.then he notices something. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. It reads: GHOST. SHANE (CONT'D) Start swabbing.. Miserable TEENS scrub.no highway option. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . Clean. Scott gulps . and rubs his finger UNDER IT...
INT. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. residue. TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE.SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch. PLOP. ladies. labeled with a Sharpie. furiously clean. Oh my god.NIGHT Shane inspects the house.and starts DISSOLVE
54. straightening -. in Playtex gloves.. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. INT.my way -. He holds it up to a KID.. CUT EXT. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. He hands Scott the mop. He fumes. In a bathroom. He pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk. PLUMMER HOUSE . through binoculars. They see Shane find the CD. Scott and Zoe. mopping. He lifts the sofa.CONTINUOUS
. Shane goes over them. trying to maintain his dignity. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY . he takes it off. Shane's eyes narrow.
where she throws up. furniture polished.
. Zoe gets up.ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Because you have no respect for yourself. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. INT. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten. ueasy. CUT TO: EXT. shaky and furious. Thanks a lot.. Shane hands her a handkerchief. outside the bathroom door.. helpless. you hate us. My friends will never come here again. and screams in Shane's face. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. Scott's the last one to leave. ZOE (CONT'D) We hate you. sits down. Lulu's crying.into the bathroom. (Announces:) Company.VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house.Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.. ZOE I do too respect myself. Todd picks her up. ZOE . PLUMMER HOUSE . Rambo. Shane stands. You're like a robot. downstairs! He walks down the hall. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Zoe blows past him -. she pukes again.. After a beat. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. He heads upstairs. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. Zpounding on doors. PLUMMER HOUSE . They show no respect for you or your house.
.the power goes out. Shane spins in fight-stance. Suddenly -. fiercely -. Don't worry.. tired) It's Scott. but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. Red 1. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -. I'm gone. Suddenly..
SHANE You're right. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it.they're good. He goes down. Now what? SHANE (CONT'D)
ZOE (sighs. SHANE (CONT'D) (to the kids:)
Terrified. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect.hand it over! staffs. close-quarters and fast. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. TWO NINJAS. all in black BURST in through the window. I'm not the man for this job. SHANE Puberty. as soon as your mom comes back. NINJA GHOST -.. Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. talking doesn't do any good.the three fight. Wielding with great skill. pounding him with their
.55. Go to your rooms. them The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Not even from the enemy... The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs. They leap down after him. The Ninjas attack.
Shane fends the Ninjas off. and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. He pulls the string.then the Ninjas charge. avoiding Legos. The Ninjas move towards him -. WHACK.. PLAYROOM . NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around. it makes a silly thunk. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -. several FURBIES hit the floor. he hits a Ninja in the head. and uses them both to fend off blows.
INT. and grabs it. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -. Shane crashes down. he picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER.the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. He jumps up onto shelf and grabs it.until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! no Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -shoes.. They step back. blinding him..who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a whiffle bat.
.. SHANE Okay -. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. and flings them all over the floor.until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane runs to the changing table.like a tornado hit a TOYSRUS. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes. fiercely. then violently DESITIN at a NINJA. He spots a BASEBALL BAT.CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -.knocking him into.. facing them. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -.. toys fly. With his foot.
Shane bangs the window sill.SHANE 57. he hugs Peter and Lulu. HALLWAY . TODD Who were they? What did they want. LULU Please don't leave us Shane.then the door creaks open. and Shane sees he's now alone. He really hugs them. Shane isn't sure what to do. terrified. He sprays it in Shane's face. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up.. fearful.. ANGLE . Kids. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. He
A long pause -. KICKING a Ninja in the chest.. Todd and Zoe enter. SHANE It's safe.
. POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.? SHANE They're looking for a program.. He runs to the broken window. disappointed to have lost them..SECONDS LATER Composing himself.. even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them. blinded. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength. It's okay. bawling. The cloud dissipates. Shane approaches Zoe's door. quietly knocks. Suddenly he grabs a bottle of BABY POWDER. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. He hugs them... that your father invented. Then.
He squints. You can open up.. INT. SHANE Shhh..
They shake -. From now on. Zoe answers it. too. as long as I'm here.ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us.. the other kids join in. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. He looks Zoe. Zoe laughs: she can't help it. it's been a long night. CLOSE-UP .. PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a wheel.then they hug him. And I'm not going anywhere. (to Zoe and Todd:) And I.. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D) But I can't do this without your help." And then. They hug him tighter. They want this.COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. Shane is furious -. eye to eye. Deal? Truce -. pushes play -SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon. But nothing's gonna happen to you.
The kids shudder.a long pause. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive. 58..MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. all smiles. she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine. absolutely nothing
..they all jump. relieved. startled. and do what I say. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -let's start over. I'll listen to you too. even Shane is laughing too: the telephone RINGS -. Then. SHANE They're not after you. Then. Soon. INT. LIVING ROOM . Shane offers his hand to shake.okay? Zoe and Todd nod. you listen to me.. okay? We need a little more cooperation here. "Unchained Melody.
two men tried to get into the house tonight. SCHOOL . yes and no. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. They were looking for GHOST.. It looks like some kind of "key". We just don't know what its for.. Shane takes the phone. students run in to school.. JULIE (CONT'D) The good news is I'll be home in two days. metal two pronged KEY. as soon as the customs paperwork clears. everyone's fine.we'll be just fine.. and Shane emerges with the five kids.. HOTEL ROOM . The minivan pulls up. Plummer. She holds up the strange. I'm gonna be sticking even closer. SHANE (very genuine) . SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on. INTERCUT: INT. EXT.CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! WE
59. Don't worry -..happened you should worry about.MORNING Early morning. But we're not sure what it is. SHANE Mrs. but they didn't find it. You have any luck? JULIE Well. Nope.
SHANE No .it's okay.
. They're gone.So soon? We were just starting to have fun. We found something in the box.
. sunglasses on. Lulu's classmates all chant. So. Murney stands.. An obstacle course with cones. car -. THE GYM . "yeah. HITS the gas. Zoe sits in a folding chair. mortified. in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. SCREAMING.. ANGLE on Shane. making a mess of an egg.DAY Driver's Ed.LATER drawings The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make the feathers). a crazed TEACHER next to her.DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs." Then. EXT. she wrecked a driver's Ed. egg in some purple dye. I know it's good. who sits in the back. She hangs one of a HUGE HAND.she'll pay for the damage. Principal Claire next to him. Peter 60 She smiles. Shane stands off to the side. SCHOOL PARKING LOT . reacting each time she HITS the gas. SHANE Don't worry. then BRAKES.MOMENTS LATER She Shane enters. Shane nods. and smiles at Shane. He is gesticulating.INT. then BRAKES. is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. . LULU'S CLASSROOM . shaking his head. LULU'S CLASSROOM . They look concerned. squashed at a little desk. MURNEY
. ANGLE on Lulu. and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles.. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan. He dips an
and I'm not sure what to do.That? Lady drivers.
61. giving him a "skinhead" look. I was doing a little recon in his locker. it's not that -.
. and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS.. SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -. boys will be boys -. in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off. Todd and Zoe stand to go. SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. And that's not all. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to return. what do you expect.it's the boy. he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT.yes. Shane gives Zoe a look. MURNEY (CONT'D) If he'd had Hustler or something. and Shane walks them out. (pulls Shane aside.. but -... Murney calls into the hallway.. Shane scowls.but this is just sick. Shane stops. what's going on.. He does always miss sixth period.I'm a bit concerned...) See if you can talk to the boy. Zoe shrugs. But this. No.
Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Todd enters. SHANE He's not a NAZI..
MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice.
MURNEY It's a date then. if you ask me. Shane. kicking him in the BACK. huh? (Shane ignores him. Murney laughs. Murney tells his MURNEY (CONT'D) See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back. Shane trips forwards to his knees.that whole family's no good.
62. Shane walks the kids out. I'll show you a couple moves. Bet you're a hell of a fighter on the mats.The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy!
. and Murney chases after him. stretching.who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times.. we'll give these boys a treat. Without warning. MURNEY You're a good man.
Shane walks away. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -.. and leaves. and leaps at Shane. SHANE I'll talk to him. SHANE Another time.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up. I promise I won't hurt you. maybe. Murney lets out a Fu SCREAM. and keeps walking. as he passes.
Keep all doors sealed. Nothing. he can see Todd. and snickers to his Team. It's pink. I want to talk to you.. Shane looks out the window -. It's small for him. SHANE (CONT'D) You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. TODD'S ROOM .
holds Todd back by the arm. Murney his head.. with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Todd runs towards the house. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth!
63. but the Duck leaps up on the sill.far down the block. so the alarm didn't go off. with a flowered basket. and leaves. peering out her window. It looks like Shane might fight. The window is wide open.A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up. but he
. Shane parks.CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. INT.
He starts to shut the window. SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. signal me. preheat the oven. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter. He enters. you're in charge. SHANE Wait Todd. Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. keeping the contact. SHANE Smart kid. Shane hops out the window. Shane screws the window shut. On the corner.shakes
Shane turns back. EXT. Shane checks his window alarm -there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it. He sees Zoe. but instead he takes a deep breath. running around the corner. PLUMMER HOUSE . odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. do your homework.
hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D) And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64 .
DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and well: the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen... Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever... Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D) And with that, he exits stage right... end scene.
And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. stage. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the SHANE (CONT'D) "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD
.. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway. Chicks dig guys who can dance. it's over.. Shane straightens up...only a moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. show's off. weird or something? 66 .. BEAT. or not? Everyone nods. Todd looks up at Shane. grabbing Todd by the shirt collar.What if.. they quickly assemble on stage. Shane looks at the Cast.. OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Todd looks devastated -.
SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. SHANE (CONT'D) DO YOU. they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Shane shakes his head.CENTER STAGE! off Everyone looks around.. SHANE COMPANY -.. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape. LIESL We don't have a director. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know.. Liesl chimes in. they're not sure what to do... Shane's glare.. TODD
. He smiles. girls'll think I'm.
He turns out the light. PLUMMER HOUSE .. He hears Zoe in her room. He peeks in -.... It's stupid. I promise.
TODD/CAST YESSIR. I called him in his room...UPSTAIRS HALLWAY . angrily.just as Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall. another girl picked up the phone. you know? S SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again.LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. SHANE Okay. I don't know why I let it get to me. Shane exits.. YES WHAT? SHANE
. BREAKING something. LULU'S ROOM .LATER
. Scott. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's thinking about you.What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. I know it's no big deal. I won't touch him. INT. SHANE . INT. ZOE . SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy... furious.Yes. What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing. No wait! ..
Once there was a family of Elves. on Lulu's floor..Uh. Let's see.. SHANE (CONT'D) The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -. where gnomes where turning mushrooms into.so three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive.. ULU Tell me a story. (MORE) T
8. Shane looks at her surprised.. The elves had to go in and take it out. facility. I
. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. the little Elf family -. Uranium. He sits on the bed. he illustrates.. and they came in from the north... To find a secret gnome. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo.. Went into the magic forest.. As Shane finishes the story. SHANE(CONT'D) One day. setting up the scene with DOLLS. Stumped.Shane tucks Lulu into bed. So -they waited for cloud cover. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to..
or he won't stop... Todd pops his
ODD You have to do the Panda Dance. And not one Elf got left behind that day. Peter starts bawling. Like dad used to do. Lulu's fallen asleep.
...Rodriquez.. Todd calls from the doorway. and do the Panda Dance.
INT.. TODD You have to do the dance. TODD I'll write it down for you. c'mon.. Peter WAILS. the teeniest little elf of all -. Then.CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. and whispers to Peter.. The wails get louder and LOUDER... He made it up for him. I can't remember that thing. lower than the floor.. Shane sighs... from across the hall. Even. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove. S
69.. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D) . We got `em all. reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low. head in the door.. And you ain't got a chance. SHANE Oh. TO: AN HOUR LATER:
Shane's really into the story.. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. NURSERY .mean standing.
MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan. T
70. Shane. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly..
The Kids sit bolt upright. staring. Shane turns and catches Mr. Peter applauds. Lulu is next to him. SHANE (CONT'D) Take three steps forward and one step back.THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Zoe and Peter are half asleep. GARAGE . mortified. with her Gameboy. She gets out in shock. through the mirror. Shane crab-walks sideways. PLUMMER HOUSE . Chun. terrified. just like the crabs do. He sings again. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. S SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -Sidestep twice.MORNING . (Tyler in the snuggle).Shane sighs. and gets in the driver's seat. They turn to Zoe. Humiliated.... Zoe realizes he's staring at her. listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman. hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into minivan. SHANE Today you drive. Chun gets his paper. (He does.
. He does the dance as he sings. Shane hops forward three times.) EXT.
ZOE But -. Zoe is surprised. but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. Zoe's looking RIGHT at him. ZOE (CONT'D) You wanna drive? SHANE No. Exactly. Keep going. MINIVAN . Touched. S
.. not the road. I trust you.CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. SHANE
ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? N SHANE
ot in a car. INT.. but trying not to show it. Lulu and Todd are terrified. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. Zoe backs jerkily out. She pulls out.. The Kids share a dubious look.. no. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. SHANE (CONT'D) THE ROAD! Don't look at me.I can't even pass driver's Ed. Shane is shaky. jerkily. Shane is nervous. just as a semi SCREAMS through the intersection. ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light...
laughing. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. SHANE Good. the kids gulp and orderly march away.
EXT. with a few FRIENDS. WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Chastened. Shane unclenches his teeth. and a little make-up. Suddenly -.LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap.. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) (a long. terrified. Scott's terrified. INT. 1500 hours. Shane spots something. CAFETERIA .Claire BARKS out. Broken promises lead to broken legs. Shane's LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Zoe smiles. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL. Shane jumps out of the car.71. severe stare) Now.. KIDS boisterously run past. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. Do we understand each other? Scott nods. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN. being obnoxious. Before Scott knows what's happened. And the other Kids all bolt from the car. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL . Shane's
. Next lesson. Very funny. trembling. STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on the Kids at their tables. hey head into the school. Shane lets him down and heads into school. almost tapping a bus's rear fender.LATER Zoe pulls to the curb.
ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend). ZOE Ha ha ha. Claire strides into view... She's wearing a cute dress.
. you never know who you're going to run into. Shane leaps over the table. Love it when he does that.. impressed. S T
.. him by the ear. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) . too. SHANE
hey eat in silence. Shane`s not so good at small talk.. SHANE (CONT'D) You look nice today.eyes alight. She smiles. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. something. and offers him a milk. She's waiting for him to say. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well. Wow. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D) Buy you a drink. It's a miracle. He smiles back. Principal Claire sighs "not again.. Suddenly. there's a commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them.
PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately." In one move.. SHANE I'm glad I never had you for a CO.. sailor? Thanks. S he sits beside him.
Silence. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.... MURNEY I've had it. Then: TODD I am not scared.. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. What're you so scared of. No one's sure they heard him right. Yeah I do.
MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs. Freak? The Students snicker. I. TODD (CONT'D) I'm in Sound of Music.
veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. Murney turns around. I'm right here. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. I want to sing. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. M
73.. MURNEY Winners never quit. I quit. boy. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.. Todd looks. now it all makes sense. Murney gets up in Shane's face. intimidated. MURNEY (CONT'D) I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. It opens Friday. TODD Hey.Murney shoves Todd forward. Talk.
Let's do it. The whole team wants to quit.and then a mob of Students. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS. TODD There is a man in my house -.
SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. it's scary S
74.then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. I'm the only one with the guts to do it. I'm not quitting cause I hate wresting. I'm quitting because you're a bad coach. Murney looks around. and a lot of CUTE GIRLS. protecting him.me. (Murney turns:) Let's get one thing clear.MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. passing notes: A Kid opens a note -. humiliated. He storms out.Shane steps them. M urney looks over at the Team. furious -URNEY So -. MURNEY (CONT'D) Stay out of this. You suck. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. So calm. taking flyers. The Gym.you're a tough guy now? between Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -. Todd's telling the truth. baby sitter! Murney glares at him -. Murney did not expect to be called out.face to face. His voice cracks -. Your ass is mine. swarm Todd. Everyone is watching. There is a stunned moment -.it reads:
. You win. They look to the ground sheepishly.
The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney. and sweeps Murney -. and they head out."Murney's getting his ass kicked. Todd cheers Shane on. you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. Murney lands on his back. rushes Shane. Murney. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. raises his hand and SLAPS it downPinned! TODD
Shane stands. shocked. GYM . Shane throws an arm around Todd.3:00 mat." INT.BAM. Murney bounds to his feet. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. mumbling something.sending him right into the wall. The bleachers are PACKED. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Todd flops to the mat. his The Wrestlers mouths drop. quietly twitching on the ground. WHAM. Shane side-steps. grabs onto Murney's waist. 3:00. S
75. M URNEY on.
Is he okay?
TODD (CONT'D) SHANE
. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -. hard. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Shane DIVES OVER Murney. climbs to feet and CHARGES again. Murney struts out onto the The two fighters begin circling one another.
Claire. So HALO'd into underground Shane kicks over a ROCK. too. No brownies edible. They walk out. FOREST . fascinated. TODD That was awesome. LULU We're Brownies. I lived off the fern stem for three weeks! Underneath are crawling
. right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. When I Rwanda. If you're not sure. the first thing you have to do is find a source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. that's all. I got my troops waiting. 76 SHANE either. BUGS. . She gives him a thumbs up. Shane S smiles at her as he passes. TO: EXT.DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. SHANE (CONT'D) You have to eat. boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it. Todd. The crowd cheers. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go.Dislocated nerve. SHANE (CONT'D) Insects. He'll be fine in (checking his watch) two months. A lot of roots are is some tree bark. He wears CUT
SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods.
The Duck watches all this -.the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. and races through a slalom of orange cones -.we'll put Von Trapps here. He laughs at his own joke. Zoe
. KICK. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan. In unison. where Shane has set up a scale model of the set on the floor. It's open to a page that reads "Knot Tying..DAY The CAST is assembled on stage. here at the top of the stairs.FRONT LAWN .. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. He signals her. The Kids don't get it. Shane holds a stopwatch.EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. the Girls PUNCH. OLD FACTORY . NURSERY .DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND.she hits EVERY ONE -. she burns rubber.DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock.. here. in perfect tempo." INT. by moving around toy army men: S SHANE Okay -.. KICK. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him. MALL PARKING LOT .fascinated. in between punches.. EXT. Now the Nazis are gonna come in. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. this way -and the Von Trapp is set. PUNCH. EXT.. and.He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. MALL PARKING LOT .DAY peels Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. He illustrates the stage directions. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. PUNCH. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE . he reaches out and rocks it.
OLD FACTORY . is an empty page/that men will want to write on. blur.FRONT LAWN . They watch closely. PLUMMER HOUSE .BACK YARD . she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. NURSERY .DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled.3. mercilessly.DAY -"1... Hands a
. INT...DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. as and then her BROWNIE uniform. ODD . EXT. ties a complicated knot to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his the Brownie troop watches.2.. she only clips one." Lulu. T
77. INT. The Brownies attack.NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance..DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. in we WIDEN back. EXT. but doesn't fall. MALL PARKING LOT .. it teeters.
EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE .. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. Shane gives her a signal. He counts begins wriggling free.out and weaves the cones. your life little girl. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself.
SHANE (CONT'D) Good night. SHANE I'm not your daddy.NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib.EVENING
. He kisses Peter on the forehead. adding a James Brown flourish.he's got it down.
8. daddy. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -. PETER (going to sleep) Good night. Shane performs the "Panda Dance." Singing and doing all the moves -. "PRICE CLUB" STORE .huh? Now. Shane is so touched.
SHANE (CONT'D) Prancing. INT. THUD! Gazelle. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. Todd tries the kick. Graceful. Peter. He does a spin kick. landing Shane blows a WHISTLE. Peter. NURSERY . U Shane BLOWS the whistle. now and then. but blows it. But sweet dreams.
SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -HEAAAY! And say good night. Again. Peter Panda. Graceful. From the top -think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains.hard.
odd tries the spinning kick. he almost bursts into tears.
The Scouts share a look -. she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.
. striking a cool pose. proud. the Other Scouts are scared. the Brownies have moved into a ready to strike. INT.MOMMY! She lets him go -. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -.. on the security monitor: Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. U GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever. Across the lot. As he's comparing prices -. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief. what's in a Girl Scout's pants when she has diarrhea? Brown. he lands on the ground hard. see them. You're gonna have to pay for that. tying him. she wraps it around his arm. scary. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison.he sees. The Scout struggles. wearing the double snuggle. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. but like lightning. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you.in a FLIP. 9. "PRICE CLUB" STORE . the Chubby Cub Scouts. at their own table. S SHANE That's my troop. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies.they LAUGH.CONTINUOUS Shane shops. In one move. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.. He smiles. FORMATION. 7 2ND SCOUT
He stops short. Lulu at the front: it's (kind of)
LULU Uh oh.
EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N
- LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on... EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. Don't worry. ZOE I'm not gonna jump.
SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he was never here... Z
SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much... Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I didn't really have a home, so I went to military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D) I always wanted to be just like him. I'm starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. Me too. OE So how did you get through it?
SHANE You could say I just shut down my emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
EXT.SHANE He's left alone. the kids are all abuzz. She throws her arms around Shane. Shane answers it.CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end.soldier. BACK YARD . J
82. HALLWAY .LATE NIGHT INTERCUT
. HOTEL . talking excitedly. telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up. JULIE The red tape is cleared up. The phone rings. WITH: J INT.MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall. ANGLE . INT.
A tear runs down Zoe's face. sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited. we're on the first plane in the morning. OE I never even got to say good bye. happy.
SHANE(CONT'D) I guess you've got it good. Shane sighs morosely. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Suddenly. Gary sits in the next chair.The house is dark. No reason for personal attachments. INT.NIGHT hane turns the light on. He pets the Duck. GARAGE . scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. SHANE (CONT'D) Hey Gary. SHANE (CONT'D) All quiet on the western front. the Duck starts quacking. I guess I better fix that Playroom window. SHANE Just another assignment.. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. he Duck stares. Three squares a day. hane rises. Shane sits in a lawn chair. unblinking. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T
83.. Shane turns. Kids to play
. your wings aren't clipped. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. with.
and then it gives. he floor opens. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight. SHANE (CONT'D) What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off.
84. leading below the garage. shines it down the grate. Shane looks on stunned.. and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.SHANE What happened..MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. crack the lock all night. Nothing.. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. He tries muscles rippling.. Shane dials a phone.. only It's solid and inscrutable. DISSOLVE INT.CONTINUOUS There's a small room.. TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. The break in its surface is a strange. GARAGE . No hinges or cracks. He's been trying. The wheel spins. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. unsuccessfully. Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate.
. INTERC UT: B
harder. INT. The Kids are watching his progress. Shane steps down it. BOTTOM OF STAIRS . Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Lulu hands him a tool... revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE. we see a CRANK WHEEL.
EXT. An ominous pause. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. Through a window.. pleased. W e PUSH INTO the house. Okay. Bill's cell phone rings. After we turn this in to my CO. CHUN CUT BACK
.MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Except for -. We'll be there shortly -. I've been trying all night. don't do anything further.. GHOST. whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore.CONTINUOUS Shane smiles. GARAGE .don't do anything `til I get there.. Away from Shane. and hangs up.. I think I found GHOST. he answers it. Silently spying on Shane. Do you have it? SHANE No. SEDAN .. BILL . can't crack it.. excited. revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. TO: INT.Lulu. She looks stricken. Bill reacts. towards the neighbor's house. MRS. Everyone reacts happily. TO: INT. Julie sits beside him. GARAGE . sir. It's in a steel vault. Then we slowly MOVE UP. relieved.CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure.
does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP .: The house is spotless. KIDS VOICES
. The rug is vacuumed. Bill is carrying her suitcases. so they probably trashed the place.MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door.V..
INT. J JULIE'S P. Tongue-tied. Lulu? You should be happy. comes into the dark hall. should be home soon. in the next room. Kids singing a beautiful. he has no answer.SHANE He goes silent.they hear. filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. BILL What's wrong? They listen -. I
85. She turns on the lights -what she sees makes her drop her luggage. Your mom CUT TO: EXT.
SHANE You guys better get ready.O. a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music).. The fish tank is clear. Julie and Bill hop out. Shane -. She trails off. HOUSE . JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left.DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. JULIE'S HOUSE . in shock..SHANE (CONT'D) What's wrong.
.. INT. Shane sees Bill enter. Peter is fresh faced. Across the room.(singing. Bill steadies her. mom. Todd a button down and khakis: barely recognizable. a capella) . MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The Sound of Music stops. The Kids rush forward and hug her..CONTINUOUS Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign: WELCOME HOME. Julie starts bawling. INT. featuring Todd.
JULIE almost faints. Dumb-struck. Julie goes to the.. KITCHEN . (
6. Lulu has bows in her hair. Tyler is asleep: a perfect family. Shane stiffens and salutes proudly.CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean. She sees. DINING ROOM . Zoe is in a conservative dress. S SHANE Captain. BILL (he smiles wryly.. smiling.. She staggers to. Lieutenant. ZOE Welcome home. attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music..
.. no dishes in the sink. then salutes back) Good job. with songs they have sung. for a thousand years.
Don't get me wrong. surprised. Shane continues. Sir. all I've never known is the military. an ANGRY VOICE.INT. a bit
SHANE (CONT'D) Sir. At nine years old my father put me in cadet school and from there I never looked back.. Bill stops. SHANE But being with these kids has made me feel like there's more to life than taking out your enemy. Suddenly. And I think I want to explore that some more. anywhere you want. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE
.. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I have no regrets.
BILL I should hope not. pause) But I'll have to think about it.. ILL I'm really proud of you. SHANE That's kind of you. Bill holds the pronged key. S
87.DAY Shane leads Bill inside. You just name it. GARAGE . I'm giving you your choice of assignment.. Shane. reluctant.
Mrs. reaching for Bill's key. Chun. There were delays... Shane peers in confusion. Things are spinning.. He is losing consciousness.
.SHANE Lights out. and Mrs. Shane puts his hands behind his head. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. he looks up as he drops.
They checked out-
KOREAN MAN ands up!
Compliant. confused. Chun comes closer. while SLAMMING their heads together.. SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms..when suddenly..
KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry. startled. SHANE'S POV woozy.. startled. MRS.. CLOSE-UP .. GUNS DRAWN. Disoriented.Shane and Bill spin. He takes a submissive position. Mr. relishing a second of glory -. Chun? H
The CHUNS strides up. He turns. then passes out. Shane shoots Bill a glance. CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in the head. hane takes control! He smiles. B
88... and starts to fall..
Bill checks the knots binding the children. The Korean Man (Mr. The floor is covered with square tiles. Bill inserts the two-pronged key. NURSERY .. Bill and Mrs.. FADE IN: INT. 9. INT.. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. with two
. Beside the safe is a red switch. They anxiously tiptoe. and it CLICKS..BLACK. Chun) Keep an eye on them. (to Mr. So did the Department of Defense. tied up. Chun approach the steel door. then slides OPEN! enter. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. He GAGS the kids. Inside is a dark corridor. They whimper. Charles trusted you. Chun Bill GAGS Julie. ILL North Korea pays better. closing the window shades. bright and white.
JULIE I trusted you. scared. The door HUMS. 8 Bill grins. GARAGE . The Kids are furious. INT.MOMENTS LATER
Julie and the Kids are on the floor.with me.. livid. L ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. exit. Julie glares. Bill and Mrs. Peter has a JUICE BOX. They
THE VAULT! Spare. reaching. Chun) secures the room. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE.DAY Shane lies unconscious.. You -.
The air is filled with an ominous. Mrs. Chun is Bokay.. Tyler GASPS.. It's set on ARMED. Lulu frowns. CHUN But I've got some C4. But behind her back. BEEPING.. Chun whirls -. Chun guards the kids. MRS.. she unties Zoe! Then -. MR. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. low-pitched HUM. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's coming! A beat. Lulu "looks" scared.and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.and Lulu quickly ROLLS across room! She lands against Todd. as if she hadn't moved.settings: ARMED and DISARMED.which sets hidden flame-throwers in the walls. off shoulder eyebrows. just missing BOTH ILL Charles never made things easy. He sneers.. startled -. Mr. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time. Mr.S.. With a rapid blur of finger-work.
She confidently strides toward the safe -. had eyebrows. quickly assuming a fake bound position. horrified -. HOUSE . she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. then leans back against Zoe. but the of her jacket is on fire. done. CHUN Just. then Mr. MRS. Chun is confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other I
.SAME TIME Mr. INT. completely SINGED OFF. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. eyeballing them icily.the Kids look innocent. BILL You bring your stethoscope? No. we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed. Chun's eyebrows are neatly. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me..
Chun spins. Bill eyes the safe. she hits her panic button! O. like a monstrous computer.needing a distraction.
Chun looks at Lulu. Chun scowls.Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -it's gonna be close. Chun's face. he drops to his knees in pain. then scoop up Peter and Tyler. They untie Julie. HAM without warning. he steps closer. snake-like move.. Chun's head. Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. It HURTS. slamming the door behind her. CHUN That's cute. she KICKS him right in the nuts. then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr.
BEHIND TODD . Skeptical. Lulu runs. Chun gets up and turns the Mr. Lulu SWEEPS Mr.W
90. Let's GO! OE (CONT'D)
All the kids bounce up. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist. Chun's leg. He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-OE Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr.
. then. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet. Chun laughs: MR. but Lulu EVADES with her cool. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off. Mr.. Mr... when he's at her level. Mr.
FRONT DOOR . DONNGGG -.but as Julie exits.. INT. his face COATED in white. Chun punches the door. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . NURSERY .doorknob. Chun's face.CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY . He sticks his face out the hole.SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -.CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. they're trapped inside. but the door won't budge. Bill lurches into view.
She SCREAMS..Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher EXT. a HAND suddenly GRABS her. He reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach.CONTINUOUS Mr..CONTINUOUS Mr. INT. making a small hole.. clutching her! The
. I INT. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. He puts his face up to the hole he's made. M E
91... AGGGH! JULIE
ITSELF. NURSERY .
INT. Chun falls back from the door. He yells out furious! MR.
ARGHH! driveway.CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan.. Chun comes racing around the house -.CONTINUOUS r. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. She floors it.. They start to run back. HOUSE . then nod and run to the side garage.
MR. EXT.as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out. Chun THE RADIO. they're not going anywhere.CONTINUOUS ON Bill pulls Julie inside. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -. Mrs. Chun listens to Mr.kids are horrified. almost clipping him! Z
9 2. MINIVAN . Hurry! ZOE/TODD C'mon! Buckle up!!
INT. as the van PEELS backwards down the and 360's..I've got the keys.. speaking in Korean: RS. but she urgently gestures -Keep going! JULIE (CONT'D) RUN! Go GET HELP!!!
The kids fret. CHUN
Chun falls. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. HOUSE . unsure. INT.
lying on the concrete. Mrs. B
. INT. holding a military RADIO. They step past Shane's body. Don't make me kill you too. chilled.. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb.Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. I wouldn't have killed him so soon. gaining on them. Chun exits the vault. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. Then.. Omigod! OE What are we doing??!
TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine. It's getting old. GARAGE . I want to know how to get through the booby traps. leading her to the secret door. Julie GASPS. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM. oe runs a yellow. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -. as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.Charles didn't tell me about the room. VAN . INT.CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it.SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint. BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well. a CRACKLING of static.
Do it.. Surprised. Bill. He does something we can't see..he clicks "talk" on the radio. NO! JULIE
Julie goes frantic.DAY The vehicles race. everyone looks down.Shane is standing in the doorway.) Bill.
MRS.. Chun zooming by. BILL Change of plan. don't hurt the kids. my husband has question: MR. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. half on the sidewalk.. as Zoe drives. to cut them off! INT. ZOE
. It's like a chariot race.CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat.93. ANGLE . Bill deciding if he can trust him. EXT. BUSY STREET . ILL . The men stare down. SHANE (CONT'D) I know the code. they might wreck. emotional. CHUN Mr. Chun just inches from the kids' tail. MINIVAN .. Bring them back unharmed.S.. Then -.SHANE They look over -. It's B risky. He tries to pass them on the right. I'll get you in. ill eyes him. Bill uncuffs Shane. just please don't hurt anyone. SHANE (O.
Mr. Exasperated. Mr. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. In the van. Peter laughs. Hair
spray. Mrs. Shane is figuring his options. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. SHANE Anybody got any perfume? breath freshener. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. Chun ROLLS UP his window. Chun is pointing a gun! suddenly PULLS the emergency brake.. disoriented.MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault.
TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. CHUN Aah! HEY -Rubbish clobbers him. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a store window. crayons. Mr. Zoe looks over.. CRASH!! The kids cheer. triumphant. orange peels. and loses control. Bill waits impatiently.. Chun holds Julie. M R. She
Mr... Chun with debris: milk cartons. Chun is now face to face with Todd -who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. It throws Mr. Chun off for a beat.What's taking you? 94.. INT. Chun SCREAMS.
.. then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. SECRET VAULT . Lulu starts PELTING Mr.. TODD (CONT'D) Now! Zoe floors it.
ILL You think this is a game?! S SHANE But. He speaks aloud.he miscalculates: a BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch. Sweat drips down Shane's face. Todd.
. SHANE (CONT'D) The key is the kid's names. ill cocks his gun. Peter.. in pain. BILL Code or no code. confidently: J
95 . landing on his hands and knees.ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM. Shane gets up..then Julie pulls out a tube of Binaca. go get it -. over one beam and ducking under another -.now. revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Tyler! Bill reacts. Shane steps forward.
SHANE (CONT'D) Zoe. puzzled. Lulu. Shane steps forward . Bill laughs. Watch. That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. Shane SQUIRTS it. Shane leaps back. He mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward.A bewildered beat -. sending him flying backwards.
That's the code! He shares a look with Julie.
. SHANE (CONT'D) (sings softly to himself) . lower than the floor.
Shane LAUGHS sharply. And you haven't got a chance. He feels the Groove. He thinks. fearlessly.. Again -. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor. not quite centered to the room. E
96 .NOTHING HAPPENS. SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). Julie relieved. just like the crabs do. When you're down and low. S facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D) Just hop three times like a kangaroo -He hops forwards three times. SHANE (CONT'D) Sidestep twice. across two tiles. He takes a deep breath..SHANE Shane's thinks.JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -He doesn't have a chance. CLOSE-UP . Shane feels the Groove in the floor.. then back:
smiles. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. and do the Peter Panda Dance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove.. NOTHING HAPPENS. He steps sideway.they have no idea what he's laughing about. Calmness comes to Shane's face. Shane he steps forwards. Bill and Julie share a look -. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. Something she said.
A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down standing. Use the gas. 9 7. Don't follow me!
. and our bodyguard -. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her.just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. When he steps back -. he'd be toast. they're FLYING. not the brake. BUSY INTERSECTION . If he'd been standing. imbedding itself where he was Shane is rattled. and he catches up with the minivan -. Inside is the Cute Cop.SHANE (CONT'D) Three steps forward and one step back. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -. EXT.
CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. his focus gone. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. 5-0. The Squad Car's lights flash on. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. They have my mom.it takes a while.you have to follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine.SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. ZOE Come on. Zoe blows past it. from the ceiling.
the Minivan SPEEDS by.
. pool of liquid.the The
She swerves into the Squad Car. I accept full responsibility. Following the chase. Suddenly. EXT.. and speeds back towards her house... Then better jump quick. She shakes her head. Zoe U-turns. Squad Car turns around and chases her. in a cloud of smoke. It is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. NECK-BRACE.
SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no more. It's acid. VROOOM!! Then -FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. but if I had more resources. and sizzles up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.SAME TIME
Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. Shane has wedged himself in A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid. is Mr. SUBURBAN STREET . Shane jumps revealing a the corner. SCHOOL . INT.CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor. nervously.
MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. at a safe distance. Claire frowns.. EXT. almost running it off road. like there ain't no floor. concerned. sliding forward. The Squad Car is on its tail. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by.MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. PLUMMER BASEMENT . VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D) (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's Ed.
98. My intelligence proved to be faulty.
"Just hold your breath." He jumps. Chun follows. Whew. He lands in front of THE SAFE. Nothing happens.
99. to the left of the HOLE.
Bill shrugs. BILL (CONT'D) You know. You were always my best man. Shane. All that we stand for. He flips the switch to DISARMED. Chun to go first. if you're willing to join up."
.we make a good team? SHANE I was devoted to you. Immediately. He nervously steps forward . BILL Thank you. Bill takes a breath -. She gestures back: you go. The Booby Traps are disarmed. And you betrayed all of that.he waves his hand over the floor. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D) And that's the Peter Panda Dance. The whole room goes SILENT. BILL I'll take that as a "no. I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. Mrs. the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. Shane scowls. to calm down) Almost done.then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. and jump to the left.
Beat.. pulling Julie along. almost done.and walks across the room. disgusted. It's a stand-off. Finally. He's relieved -. sir. Bill signals for Mrs. Bill looks around. and jumps back.. He holds his breath just in time.SHANE (CONT'D) (to himself. I knew you'd figure it out. The safe's red light turns green. What do you say -.
her hair on end. Shane shrugs. Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges.Bill turns to the safe. SIZZLING.. Chun doesn't budge. then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. She turns it.
. CHUN AAAAAA! 100. and touches the dial. MRS. I think you better open it.Mrs. and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her.. head. Something's not right. Chun reaches out. And he's strong! shoves Shane back. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks. BILL None requested.. unrelenting. He starts to reach for the dial. then catches himself. shaking from the voltage. But suddenly Mrs. trying to read Shane's poker face. legs! He's crazed. Bill LUNGES. Relief. I walked the floor first.. You open it. Nothing happens. BILL (CONT'D) .. Full of himself. Bill gestures to Mrs. Bill is off guard. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks. Reluctantly . Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back. He BILL (CONT'D)
Shane glares.. hitting Bill's arms. before he reaches the dial -BILL (CONT'D) Wait. then PUNCHES him in the gut. Bill is incensed. BILL (CONT'D) Oh come on. Chun. SHANE There will be no mercy. but Shane gazes coldly. Shane reaches for the safe.
Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. stumbles backwards across the room. OOF!
Bill tumbles. saved. K. ANGLE . tottering. He jumps to his feet. Say.
Bill is charging him. knocking her out. She catapults. and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters. everyone is SCREAMING.. then whispers/sings. he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. connecting only occasionally. Leering mercilessly. Suddenly -Shane! JULIE Watch out! Shane whirls. and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. But he's unforgiving. SHANE You're a.. IN THE VAN.they tangle like pro's. delivering a Bill gets slammed in the chest. unable to gain her balance. Shane COLD-COCKS her. ROUNDHOUSE KICK.BILL He steps over Shane. PLUMMER'S STREET . They punch. It's clear the both have the same training. Shane struggles to lose her. Shane narrows his eyes. good night.. delivering a series of hard punches. terrible neighbor. landing on his back in front of the safe. Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings.! EXT. spin. he drops and FLIPS her.. SIRENS wailing. The Police Cars
.O. Shane shakes his head. kick.She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. SHANE . chase after. the wind knocked out of him.SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. Shane tumbles. then runs to grab her outstretched hand. She smiles. which Shane deflects -. Suddenly. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps.
with their hands raised. GHOST. HOUSE .and hits a tree.O. INT.101. It's finally over. Then -.a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. from the car. I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway. then BRAKES. Cops surround them. JULIE Thank you Shane. smoke BURNING from the tires -. She smiles at Shane. Whoa. The van SKIDS. SHANE . The lead Police Car screeches to a stop..SAME TIME Total commotion. then look in the safe: Inside. WHOA! kids?? SHANE What are you doing to these POLICE leap I think
.. They look in silence. Shane gently removes it.. Shane steps out.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. The garage door raises. grateful. But it's too late..SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other. SECRET VAULT . Now we can go back to our peaceful. The kids clamber from the van.
TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stopZOE Hey. The Kid spill out and run. the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A tiny COMPUTER CHIP.
Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license... and grabs the MR. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet. trafficS violations -SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes..
Cops cover Shane and Julie. pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. officer.. helpless. He's disheveled and manic. MR. Silence. triumphant. as he turns his head. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.a CRAZED SCREAM. uh. Shane spins. ZOE But. Chun stands inside the gate. vaults onto Chun. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -. CHUN (CONT'D) I WANT THE GHOST. AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze. Mr.CUTE COP FREEZE. Zoe.S. He scoffs. Even Chun is amazed. But then -.) HIT THE GROUND!!!
. TEN MILLION DOLLARS.a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence. Numerous. Nobody is sure what to do. Shane weighs his not so many options. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring.. CUTE COP I said FREEZE. 10 2. Julie and Shane Freeze. I suggest you call the FBI. EVERYBODY! WIDE Everyone spins.. you're in a lot of trouble.. CHUN (O. and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. Now.. The Cops are unsure what to do.
Julie huddles with the kids. Shane talks with an F. he
. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs.. AGENTS swarm the area.SHANE He breaks into a big grin.I. then walks off. You're a one-man battalion. PLUMMER HOUSE . ANGLE .B.I.B.rocket launcher.CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around.
CLOSE-UP . CLOSE-UP . Wolfe. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD. watching the FBI Agents work. COP I think I'll call the FBI.CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. GARAGE . Agent. that was nice work. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Beaten. reaches for his radio. Shane examines it. SHANE Just doing my job.LATER F.I. INT. swelling with pride. This chaos is unsolvable.B. AGENT Mr.I. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around..THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed.B. 103. F. F .
. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. Tyler.. re-conning the situation.. LULU FBI AGENT
Zoe is looking at the safe. And to tell the truth. What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.. He looks around: at the family. and Julie notice. Julie. I'm on dry land. I don't see anything but reasons to stay.I want to say: I love you more than anything. She sees. Summer's almost here. SHANE Well. SHANE . a letter. from the safe. then Julie found the key. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. P RINCIPAL CLAIRE So. say -. THE PLUMMER HOUSE .. A tear comes to her eye. right? I guess there's no more reason for you to stick around here. EXT.Maui?
. The Plummers hug each other.CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. Her siblings.. You tell me... fallen onto the floor. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else. Mock-angry. I don't know. He looks at Claire.. Does it itch? Yes. Shane looks at her.. On. here. I always have. Lulu -.Yes. and gather around. Peter.. Todd. You're the superior office. 104. Zoe. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. I'm kinda.
She puts out her hand. P ETER Love you. SHANE Ah. For everything. sad.he hugs the whole family at once. Guess you have to go now. 105. LULU This is it. Your work here is through. SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to someone I care about. Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane. The Plummers all approach. He squeezes her hand around it.. to shake his. baffled. I'm gonna
. Lulu turns to Shane.his medal. A long beat. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -. TIGHT . Julie looks up.he can't keep it in. interrupting.
Claire beams.Sir yes sir. we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? see you Friday night.that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. He puts them down.. Shane bawls -. come here you. Like he did. ZOE But. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe .. Thank you. Zoe gives them a look -.SHANE This is too much.
SHANE Your dad would be so proud.. He starts to head off. squeezing them off the ground. He wipes his face.
Claire: dressed to the nines. In SLOW MOTION. the little Brownie Troop. even Murney." In the audience. hit your marks.NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for. The performers take their curtain
. he leaps into the SPIN KICK. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long. the most adorable ducklings you ever saw.JULIE What's Friday night? INT. until he sits back down. beaming with pride.a Michael Jordan dunk. Scott: in a suit. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D) YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him. BACKSTAGE . A STANDING OVATION. It's fantastic -. She is surrounded by her children. Lulu has a basket in her lap -inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family. VICTORIA THEATRE. SHANE(CONT'D) (he grins) Now let's break a leg." Hearts swell. and failure is not an option! No detail is too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines. Julie watches in astonishment. as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. Farewell. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. They all watch. The AUDIENCE goes nuts. his hair combed. rapt. Shane stands. Shane watches with bated breath. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. You Are Sixteen begins. Todd spins. and stay in character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 1 06.
He humbly steps into view -.calls. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on him. then giddily gesture Shane to come out.and the house goes crazy.imsdb.com/scripts/Pacifier. Thundering applause. FADE OUT. touched.-The. Shane smiles. THE END
http://www. Mission accomplished.html on December 9 2010