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Copyright © 2009 by Patti Stanger

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10 ​ ​9 ​ ​8 ​ ​7 ​ ​6 ​ ​5 ​ ​4 ​ ​3 ​ ​2 ​ ​1

Library of Congress Cataloging-­in-­Publication Data

Stanger, Patti.
 ​ ​Become your own matchmaker : eight easy steps for attracting your
perfect mate / by Patti Stanger with Lisa Johnson Mandell.
 ​ ​ ​ ​p. ​ ​ ​ ​cm.
1. ​Man-­woman relationships. ​ ​2. ​Love. ​ ​I. ​Mandell, Lisa Johnson. ​ 
​II. ​Title.

HQ801.S759 ​ ​ ​ ​2009
646.7'7—dc22 2008037963

ISBN-­13: 978-1-4165-5994-8
ISBN-­10: 978-1-4165-5994-9

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 patti stanger

The Five-­Second Flirt

This is a sure man-­catching technique ­that’s been passed
down in our family for generations. It works every time. A
great time to try it is when you already have a date, and I’ll
tell you why: women feel the most content when ­they’re get-
ting plenty of attention from men—they’re no longer in heat.
If you already have a date, you feel more confident, even if
that date is just with a friend. Because your vibration is con-
tent and confident, ­you’ll send off a very attractive signal to
the opposite sex.
There you are, sitting at the bar waiting for your date to
arrive, ­you’re smiling, smelling good, and feeling sexy. There
will probably be a lot of single men around you (men who are
not wearing wedding rings). Notice the one guy in the room
who ­you’d really like to meet, and make sure ­he’s not with
another woman. Catch his eye and hold his gaze for five full
seconds, while giving him your most radiant smile. Then flip
your hair and turn away. This might seem awkward, but you
can start by practicing in the mirror. If you still feel terrified,
practice this on men you ­don’t find attractive—you have
nothing to lose since ­there’s no risk.
When you give a man the five second flirt he will either
walk over to you to start a conversation, or he ­won’t. If he
comes over to you and offers to buy or refresh your drink,
you might have a potential mate on your hands. If he ­doesn’t
offer to do this after ten minutes of chatting, ­he’s an incon-
siderate narcissist. Move on.
But what if he never comes over to you after the five sec-
ond flirt? ­What’s that about? There are four reasons for this:

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 make your own matchmaking map

1. He’s married or in a relationship.

2. He’s playing on the other team (he’s gay).
3. You’re not his type. ­You’re blonde, and he goes for
brunettes; ­there’s nothing you can do about that. For-
get about him.
4. He’s a Passive Aggressive and wants you to chase him.
If you do talk to him, ­he’ll end up giving you his busi-
ness card and asking you to call him. ­He’s not worth
your time.

Where Your Future Husband Will Find You

And now, the part ­you’ve been waiting for. Here’s a list of
manly-man places where you can test these tactics and see
just how well they work:

Sports Bars: Most men ­don’t take dates to sports bars,

but hang with their buddies to watch their favorite teams
play on the big screen. If you go there alone and know the
score and a little bit about the teams playing, you will get
more attention than you ever believed possible.
My friend Lily decided she was going to go out by herself
to the most exclusive sports bar in LA, known as The Parlor.
She was a big Lakers fan, and wanted to make the most of
watching the NBA playoffs. She made a great move when she
walked in. The place was swarming with men, and she walked
right up to the hostess and asked who owned the joint. Turns
out it belonged to the hottest guy in the place, a supersexy
guy named Silas, who you might recognize from reality TV.
­He’d noticed Lily right away, but already had a girlfriend, so

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