My Genogram Journey

My Genogram Journey
Sazshy Valentine
Wake Forest University

My Genogram Journey

This paper provides an analysis of my family genogram. In researching my family

history, I chose to interview and have conversations with my father, mother and my aunt. I
would have enjoyed the opportunity to discuss my questions with both of my grandfathers, but
unfortunately neither can hear well enough to talk over the telephone. I used a mix of questions
from the CNS 773 syllabus and Monica McGoldricks book, The Genogram Journey. Asking
my questions was at times easy, and other times hard. No information I received particularly
surprised me, but I know there are some family matters that are difficult to discuss; these will be
presented later in the paper. The process of researching my family genogram was enlightening;
however, I feel it was only the beginning and I look forward to making it a lifelong project. In
this paper I will discuss my familys background including family structure, job history, and
important events, as well as specific trends I discovered, my own personal growth in selfawareness, family triangles, and things I might change in the future.
It is clear from just glancing at my genogram that the nuclear family is the norm on both
my mother and fathers sides of the family. I will begin by describing my mother, Margarets
side of the family, pictured on the left side of my genogram. My grandfather, William Bolling
Izard, who I call Papa, was born to Jim and Margaret Izard in 1927. He had one brother, Jim,
who according to my mother, served in World War II, then became lost once he came home
he was homeless off and on, and Papa thinks he might have had a mental illness. Papa married
Sarah Agnes Vest, also known as Sazshy, in 1932. Together they resided in Roanoke, Virginia
had four children, Sally, Bo, Margaret and Jim. Though my mothers memories of Sazshy are
vague, she remembers her as being a classic 1950s and 1960s housewife. She sounds like a
proper lady, but one of our favorite stories of her is laughing about the time she took the kids to a

My Genogram Journey

movie and wore her bathrobe under her fur coat. Sazshy was a smoker and my mother
remembers her smoking in bed. Unfortunately she suffered a heart attack in bed one morning in
1970 when my mother was only 12 years old. Tragically, she and her younger brother Jim found
her before school. Papa, a busy businessman who was President of his own insurance brokerage
firm, transferred the four kids to private school and survived with the help of a housekeeper
named Lilly Williams and her brother John who became the kids driver. Lilly, an older black
lady, showed up at Papas door one day and said she heard at church that there was a white man
alone with four children who needed help. Papa tried to refuse her, but gave in, and says it was
one of the best decisions he ever made. He remained close with Lilly, visiting her every day at
the end of her life when she was dying of cancer. I greatly look up to Papa. He is a strongwilled, kind, creative and caring man. Apparently he was not always so nice, and loves to talk
about his the days he kicked peoples asses in the insurance business. His hard work paid off,
and he was able to retire on a farm overlooking the Blue Ridge Parkway in Floyd County,
Virginia where all his grandkids love to visit today.
My father, Massies side of the family is also very nuclear. His father, E. Massie
Valentine, who I call Skeeter, was born to Corbin Braxton Valentine and Ida Massie Valentine in
Richmond, Virginia in 1934. Skeeter, the youngest of three boys, married Ella Goobie Smith
Valentine in 1955. Together they had three children, Massie Jr., Gordon and Sally. Similar to
Papa, Skeeter worked in the insurance business and served as President of Johnson & Higgins of
Virginia. Also similar to Papa, he was the main earner and provided well for his family. Goobie
was a housewife, and they also had daily help from a housekeeper, a lady named Gertrude.
Gertrude was considered a member of the family, well-loved and respected, and also supported
by Skeeter until she passed away in 2009. Goobie died in 1988, one month after I was born,

My Genogram Journey

after a short and intense battle with breast cancer. From what I can gather, Goobie was adored by
the entire city of Richmond. She was funny, kind, especially caring and dedicated to serving her
community. One activity she is known for is the year she was chosen to serve as the Richmond
Christmas Mother a huge honor. Skeeter, like Papa, was a very driven and successful
businessman. He loves nothing more than his grandchildren, and shows us incredible kindness
and generosity.
A common theme in my family is the men acting as a main earner for the family. Neither
of my grandmothers worked, but my mother has steadily worked part-time since she was in
college as a designer at a frame shop, then owned her own ceramics business, and now is an
interior decorator. I yearn for just a part of her creativity! My father has worked for a privately
owned brokerage firm called Davenport & Company for over thirty years. The majority of the
men in my family work in either insurance or finance with the women holding more temporary
or part-time creative type jobs. I am breaking the mold going into the counseling profession, my
father definitely tried to get me to work at Davenport telling me, You could make a good living
doing this.
I see many family values emerging from this theme. At the forefront, it is clear my
family values financial stability, with which comes a lot of privilege. I have never heard my
father or any men in my family complain about going to work, which makes me think they truly
enjoy it. The husband-wife earner dynamic also shows me that both sides of my family value
creating close families that they are able to support and give many opportunities. As I entered
the post-college phase of my life, and in doing this genogram, I realize more and more how
privileged I really am. It is not that I never knew my family was well off, but it has been put in a
different perspective for me. I do not feel that I overly rely on my family or take advantage of

My Genogram Journey

the situation; however, at the same time I know my father would never let me go homeless. For
example, for the few months in between my job ending in DC and moving to Winston-Salem I
was allowed to live at home and benefit from being under the same roof as my parents. Being
privileged is something I do not take for granted, but I struggle with being embarrassed by it.
Recognizing these emotions I think is helping me to increase my own self-awareness and
hopefully become a better counselor. I am actively working to dig a little deeper into why I feel
these shameful emotions.
Another theme that came up a lot when discussing our family and values is that of
religion. Both of my parents were raised Episcopalian, and were married in the Episcopalian
church. My brothers and I all attended Episcopalian school kindergarten through twelfth grade.
Baptisms and confirmations were important milestones in our lives. The Valentine family
historically has been very involved at St. James Episcopal Church, the third Episcopalian church
to be established in Richmond in 1831. In 1926, my great-great grandfather gave the church
their chimes which still ring today. My mother has served on the altar-guild, and my father on
the vestry and also sings in the choir. Once I sat down and really think about it, I cannot imagine
my life without St. James. This makes sense to me as some researchers have shown that
religious beliefs are often passed down through generations if adults use authoritative parenting
styles, which my parents definitely did (Hardy, Ruchty, White & Zhang, 2011).
Written above the altar at St. James is Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only.
Growing up, the motto at my school (which was also the opening of our school prayer and
benediction) was, What we keep we lose and only what we give remains our own. Being
surrounded by these mantras rooted in spirituality have impacted my life greatly. My parents and
my grandparents illustrate the mottos for me. They constantly do for and give to others, whether

My Genogram Journey

it be a helping hand, a musical note, advice, or a gift, I see it in their everyday lives. To me, this
is the greatest theme or value they have given me as their child, and I am almost certain it is what
has lead me to the counseling profession.
As much as my family likes to do for others, they have historically had a hard time
talking about difficult issues and leaning on friends for support, a theme that I am actively trying
to change, at least for my own future. When Goobie became sick with breast cancer, apparently
it was very hush-hush. The family did not talk about her illness much with friends, and was
not very open to their help and support. This information came as a surprise to me, as my
parents always have us bring food to families going through a tough time, and visit sick friends
regularly. I get the sense that her cancer progressed rapidly, and many friends were not even
given the chance to realize that before it was too late for their own goodbyes. Another example,
is my uncles addiction issues which apparently became severe as a reaction to Goobies death.
When I asked my aunt what substances he abused, she replied with raised eyebrows, you are the
only one who will read this, correct? To say we walk on pins and needles around Uncle
Gordons addiction is an understatement.
Countless triangles exist in my family, but I feel the most significant revolve around my
older brother, Massie. For the last ten years, Massie has battled a severe lack of motivation he
failed out of college twice, and has been diagnosed with depression. Going back to the theme of
supporting children, my dad has a hard time letting Massie go, while my mother has often
thought that Massie needs to experience failure in order to move forward. The alliance between
my father and brother has often formed a two-versus-one relationship with my mother. As a
result my parents marriage has undergone many periods of stress. The marital discord due to
my brothers issues causes me intense negative emotions towards Massie, which creates a

My Genogram Journey

triangle of my mother and me against Massie. Kerig (1995) discusses children being participants
in the family system writing, Not only may children of conflictual marriages be exposed to
interparental hostility, but through their efforts to cope with family stress, children may also
attempt to play a role in solving their familys problems (p. 29). Her research rings very true for
me: I have always encourage my parents to seek help for Massie, to talk about it more, to come
up with creative ways to help him, and when things got really bad about a year ago I found
myself acting like the middleman between my parents attempting to open the lines of
communication.
Many themes already discussed in this paper emerge in the triangles revolving around
Massie. The balance between too little and too much financial support and lack of openness
around family issues are the two that standout most for me. It is also important for me to realize
the judgment I have imposed on Massie, and both my parents through the years. As I have
started to accept my judgment, and work through it, I am becoming more self-aware, but still
have a long way to go with it.
Researcher Lim (2008) studied the effect of the genogram process on masters level
counseling students and found that the process, has a transformative effect on students, both
personally and interpersonally. Changes include growth in developing a healthier sense of self
and a healthier self-in-relation (p. 41). Lims article really resonates with me this genogram
project has not only aided me in gaining new perspectives on my own family system, but also
allowed me to increase my self-awareness and grow as an individual. I know there are many
negative and positive things I will inherit from my family heart issues, deteriorating eyesight,
back problems, the ability to form lasting friendships, gentle souls, and a deep love for all things
having to do with the state of Virginia just to name a few. I hope to one day get married, have a

My Genogram Journey
family of my own and pass on many great themes and traditions. There are also things I would
like to change. In particular, I hope to be a better communicator about the good things and the
bad things in life that inevitably affect families. I am grateful to have been born into the Izard
and Valentine families with many fantastic role models, and a solid support system to always
lean on or go to for a great laugh.

My Genogram Journey

9
References

Hardy, Sam A., Jennifer A. White, Zhiyong Zhang, and Joshua Ruchty. Parenting and the
Socialization of Religiousness and Spirituality. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality 3, no. 3
(August 2011): 21730. doi:10.1037/a0021600.
Kerig, Patricia K. Triangles in the Family Circle: Effects of Family Structure on Marriage, Parenting,
and Child Adjustment. Journal of Family Psychology 9, no. 1 (March 1995): 2843.
doi:10.1037/0893-3200.9.1.28.
Lim, Soh-Leong. Transformative Aspects of Genogram Work: Perceptions and Experiences of
Graduate Students in a Counseling Training Program. The Family Journal 16, no. 1 (January 1,
2008): 3542. doi:10.1177/1066480707309321.
McGoldrick, M. (2011). The Genogram Journey: Reconnecting with your family. New York: W. W.
Norton & Company.