Charlotte Hallstrom

COMM 494: Senior Seminar

Dr. Lynn Cooper
My Personal Credo
I have been told that real life does not begin at some monumental moment in the future;
not after high school, not after I receive an undergraduate degree, not after I land my dream job
or start a family. What Ive been taught is that life has already begun, that life is now. However,
while I do believe I will never stop maturing, refining, living and transforming into the woman
the Lord has created me to be, I am conscious of the fact that a truly monumental moment in my
life is just on the horizon. In three months real life will begin. As I transition out of Wheaton,
IL and into Chicago as a completely independent adult, I hope to use this credo as a launching
pad to guide my life as a Christ-follower and disciple, a young adult, a woman, and
communicator. I want my life, including the way I communicate, to be a song; an honest paean
that boldly proclaims the grace, passion and wisdom of the Lord.
Scripture clearly outlines the foundation upon which we are to live as faithful believers.
The way I live and communicate with others must be aligned with the will of the Lord given to
us by the prophet book, Micah:
[The Lord] has told you, O mortal, what is good;

and what does the Lord require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)

In reflecting on my journey through college, I recall a moment in my freshman year. On my first

day of class, I sat in a large lecture hall with over 100 other first-year students, all living in the

juxtaposition of nervousness and over confidence. Our professor, a tall, bald, 30-something man
with glasses stood in front of us, prepared to shatter our expectations of the next four years. He
began the class with these words:
Imagine a five-piece puzzle, completed and laying in front of you. This is everything
you know. Up until this point, what you have come to understand and know to be true is
represented in these five pieces. Now, Im going to take away that completed puzzle and
give you a one-hundred-piece puzzle. You will eventually figure it out, put all the pieces
together, but I can promise you that by the time you walk off the Edman stage at
Commencement, you will be handed a million-piece puzzle, wondering if youll ever be
able to complete it.
I do not think there could be a more accurate description of my collegiate experience. As a
senior, I have many, many questions. Earlier in my life, this would make me incredibly nervous
and anxious. I shy away from ambiguity as much as possible. I wrongly believed that being
unsure meant a lack of understanding, therefore distancing me from God and His will. I have
realized since that this is not the case. While I know understanding and truth should be pursued
to the fullest, I am not omniscient. I now attempt to consistently live my life with that in mind. It
is humbling to approaching each stage of life with a posture of humility, and a willingness to
submit to and wait upon the Lord, and be willing to learn from any situation He allows. I believe
that true humility is vital in a life devoted to Christlikeness and living out Gods requirements. In
doing so, we are able to exalt God and elevate the status of those we choose to live in community
with. I am not to assume or conform to societal norms, instead I am to conform to Gods desire to love kindness and act justly - a posture our culture so desperately needs.

To me the life of Josh Garrels is an example of the humility God honors. Garrels is a
singer-songwriter-producer based in Portland who crafts songs exploring themes ofcompassion,
hope, longing, and liberation. He is known to ask questions more often than he offers
answers. (Burnett) As the founder of independent label Small Voice Records, Garrels has
releasedsix albums. With each album, he has chosen to forsake profit so that he could give his
music away free of charge. In an interview with NPR he explained, I give it away for a season,
itll be my offering, my first fruits. (Burnett) This model of ministry has a profound impact
on his audience. In his music and lyrics, he creates a space in which doubts, questions, fears and
frustrations can be expressed under the protection and covering of Gods grace. His most popular
song, Farther Along, reflects this. In it he croons,
Tempted and tried, I wondered why/The good man died, the bad man thrives/And Jesus
cries because He loves em both /Were all cast-aways in need of ropes/Hangin on by the
last threads of our hope/In a house of mirrors full of smoke/Confusing illusions Ive
seen (Garrels)
His honesty and willingness to put his livelihood on the line for the Gospel message is brave,
compassionate and passionate; something I hope to emulate in my lifes ministry. His life is
characterized by a self-sacrificing attitude for the honor of Jesus, and the sake and benefit of his
audience. My hope is that I am a woman who chooses to ask questions in light of Gods truth and
the sure hope I have in Christ, while being able to create a place that exalts The Lord and
embraces people from all walks of life. A place where all can come together and scour the mire
of this world, looking for and finding the beauty and goodness God intends.

Living in the tension of the unknown is exactly what faith calls for. It is believing in
unquantifiable, the unmeasurable, the unseen. One Christian ethicist at Duke University, Stanley
Hauerwas, addresses this:
For me learning to be a Christian has meant learning to live without answers. Indeed, to
learn to live in this way is what makes being a Christian so wonderful. Faith is but a
name for learning to go on without knowing the answers. That is to put the matter too
simply. But at least such a claim might suggest why I find that being a Christian makes
life so damn interesting. (Hauerwas, 24)
A professor of mine once encouraged me to live within the tension of the unknown. This was
specifically within the context of the unknown career path I would eventually take. He reminded
me that life is jazz. This is the element of our faith that makes life exhilarating. We never know
what is in store, yet when we choose to trust fully in the unseen God, He assures us that life will
be good, for it will be lived according to His divine will for us. It is in this tension that life
becomes rich, passionate, filled with refinement, and the ability to endure no matter what we
may face. We are never called to sit still and let the tension crush us. Rather, it is in the jazz
moments that we can surrender and humbly lean into the Lord, our God. I want my life to be one
lived vibrantly within the jazz.
Yet, by no means are we to take the reigns into own hands. As Christians, seeking
ultimate control is never wise, and it is not the appropriate response to tension. We are never
genuinely in total control anything. To believe that we are, is to deceive ourselves. I have found
that when I try to usurp authority from God, creating a false sense of providence over my life,
things never go as I intended. I fail, either ending up heartbroken or disappointed. There is no
peace or satisfaction that comes from a life dictated to oneself. As Donald Miller once said,

There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is
doing. (Miller) There is extreme encouragement in this; there is Someone greater, and I exist in
His mighty right hand. There is no reason to believe that we need to be a superhero to do the will
of the Lord. It is in our humble surrendered state that God can use us to do incredible things. In
his book, Chinas Millions, Hudson Taylor states:
Many Christians estimate difficulties in the light of their own resources, and thus
attempt little and often fail in the little they attempt. All Gods giants have been weak
men who did great things for God because they reckoned on His power and presence with
them. (Taylor, 139)
While reading through a journal earlier this fall, I remembered an experience in my own life. I
was on my way to an All School Communion Service, about to lead the student body in worship,
when I was overcome with a sense of complete inadequacy and frustration. A mood fell over me
that was far from the attitude of joyfulness and thanksgiving that was proper for the occasion.
My journal entry turned to prayer:
I was upset by the insecurity welling up, confusion nestling itself into my heart. It was
as if the jazz had taken hold, that I could no longer compartmentalize the anxiety that
came with my unfocused life. Instead, it was staring at me straight between the eyes,
blinding me, polarizing me. Tension. Thats what I felt. Very real. Tension stopping me
dead in my tracks. I am SO thankful that in some miraculous way, You used me, Your
weakest child, as Your vessel, a reflection. That regardless of me, You were still
worshipped, glorified and delightedThank you for using me in spite of me.
I have come to realize that our God is not in the business of manufacturing efficient robots or

puppets. Hes in the business of redeeming humans, His most beloved creation, to great things
for Him in His power and for His fame.
So then, what am I to do? How do we respond when nothing we do can compare the
wonders worked out by our God? Obedience. I recently came across a poem that reminded me of
the importance of this. The poet pens:
No matter, so long as fathers pass on to sons
another more important pattern
defined as absolutely as muddlers like us can manage:
obedience. (Buning, 54)
This is the greatest offering that we can present to the Lord: a life of submissive obedience, or as
the Apostle Paul encourages, to be a living sacrifice. In this, we experience the truest freedom.
Through the tension, pain, and jazz, we can be confident that the Lord is faithful and is in
complete control. This is how I hope to choose to live; in the deliverance of the Lord.
On the eighth of May, I will walk off the Edman Chapel stage for the last time with a
diploma in my hand, a smile on my face, tears in my eyes, a head filled with questions, and a
heart confident in the Lord, Who is good all of the time. My prayer is that my life will fulfill
Gods truest vocation: to be one that loves and glorifies the Lord mightily, fully cherishes and
cares for others, acts justly, pursues mercy and walks with the humblest of footsteps. I hope that
in doing so, I can to justice to what Stanley Hauerwas calls the best damn story ever told,
saving it from becoming boring as hell in my own life. These four years have shown me what
that can look like and my prayer is that I will be just that. My prayer is that God would make His
face to shine upon me so that His ways may be known on earth through me. I leave Wheaton a
different woman. I am no longer the doe-eyed, fairly overconfident girl who walked into her first

class of fall semester that early Wednesday morning, unready to step into the new season God
had set before me. But, I am grateful that God encourages me to trust that He is going before me,
equipping me & protecting me. That is a beautiful thing! So, I want my life to be a song; a sweet,
yet strong anthem of the redeemed, that does not deny its jazz influence. I want my life to
communicate truth, boldly and compassionately, never shying away from the difficulties or the
tensions life will bring. I want my life to be a humble and powerful walk with the Lord,
purposefully making myself available for all His those He has preciously created in His image &
chooses to bring into my life. I pray my life will be a life of joy-filled obedience, surrendering all
that I am and have to serve Him and live in the freedom found only at the foot of the Cross.

Work Cited
Buning, Sietze. Purpaleanie and other Permutations. Orange City: Middleburg Press, 1978.
Burnett, John. "A Christian Musician With More Questions Than Answers." NPR. NPR, 26 Dec.
2013. Web. 16 Feb. 2016.
Garrels, Josh. Father Along. Josh Garrels. Josh Garrels, 2011. MP3.
Hauerwas, Stanley. Hannah's Child: A Theologian's Memoir. Grand Rapids, Mich: W.B.
Eerdmans Pub. Co, 2010. Print.
Taylor, James H. China's Millions. London: Morgan and Scott, 1890. Internet resource.
Micah. Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version: Containing the Old and New Testaments
with the Apocryphal/ Deuterocanonical Books. London: Collins, 2007. Print.
Miller, Donald. Blue like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality. Nashville: T.
Nelson, 2003. Print.