Better prepared for crucial conversations

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Ezra Szvoboda
11/18/15
Com. 122/09
Better prepared to create a safe climate for crucial conversations

Research shows that 70% of 2,455 sentinel events showed that the root cause of these
occurrences were communication failures (Polito, 2013, p.140). Effective communication has
always played a crucial role in our society to be able to succeed in the personal, spiritual,
professional life. After self-reflecting and counseling with family and friends, I realized that I
need to be prepared to create a safe climate for crucial conversations. Often in crucial
conversations, I have had a hard time creating the right atmosphere for a dialogue to occur. After
researching external sources, class discussion, and self-reflection, I realized that through roleplaying, and self-reflection I can personally better prepare myself to create a safe environment
for crucial conversations. The research has also given me valuable insights on how I can best
implement these in communication.
Self-reflection can be life changing and is a great tool that can help me to be prepared and
to create a better climate for crucial conversations. Pilito (2013) came to the conclusion that your
natural reaction in a conflict is stress, which makes you feel under attack (p.147). She suggested
to "go to the balcony" to regain your mental balance; i.e., imagine yourself standing on a balcony
looking down on your conversation. When you encounter a "no," you feel under attack and
instinctively want to fight back or give in. Both reactions cause you to lose. Do not react.
Suspend your reaction to engage in joint problem-solving. Regain your mental balance and stay
focused on what you want to achieve (Polito, 2013, p.147). Often when it comes to crucial
conversations, I have a hard time creating the right atmosphere for a dialogue to occur. I usually
get nervous and start focusing on what could go wrong. My heart rate starts to shoot up, meaning

Better prepared for crucial conversations

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instead of having the blood and oxygen going to my brain to use my reasoning to the fullest, it
goes everywhere excepts where I need it most. That leads me to say things or do things that make
no sense or I sometimes even avoid the conversation completely which ultimately leads me to
lose in crucial conversations. Kraemer (2011) who is a very successful entrepreneur said that,
Self-reflection is the ability to reflect and identify what you stand for, what your values are, and
what matters most (p.13). When self-reflecting is done correctly, you are honest about what you
have done right or wrong, deal in facts, not opinions (Polito, 2013, p.150), which enables you
to understand the situation more fully. Self-reflecting also includes sorting out what happened or
might be happening (i.e., get actual and complete facts). Be open to the fact that you may not
know the whole story of an event or circumstance as it was originally observed by or reported to
you. Obtain the facts from as many sources as possible (Polito, 2013, p.150). Through personal
experience I realized that when I practiced true self-reflection before and during crucial
conversations, it helped myself and the person that I would talk to work towards a common
purpose. Instead of trying to prove each other wrong, we strived for common ground and came to
an agreement or understanding of the situation or problem. This allowed me to think clearly and
create safe atmosphere which lead to a healthy diolouge.
Role-playing is an influential tool in being prepared and to work towards perfection in
creating a safe climate in crucial conversation. From my research Polito (2013) said, Selfpreparation in conversations is important to success in handling a difficult conversations. Prepare
by walking through the conversations (p.140). I have had the opportunity to serve full time
mission in Germany and Austria where I saw the power that role-playing can have. My Mission
President was a big believer that role-playing has a great influence in our success in missionary

Better prepared for crucial conversations

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work. He has encouraged his missionaries to role-play frequently throughout the daily to be
better prepared for any lessons, or to perfect our street contacting. I had a huge desire to be a
powerful tool in the Lords hands and to serve his children by bringing them closer to Christ.
When I started my mission, I had a huge fear of approaching random people. I had the fear of
getting rejected, made fun of, or not being able to answer the questions as the Lord would want
me to. Role playing was the tool for me personally to take that fear away by creating a safe
environment where I felt confident and secure. Polito (2013) has also said that Role-playing
will help you prepare answers for many possible reactions from the employee. From personal
experience, I have found practicing to be invaluable. Find a peer with whom to role-play who has
two important characteristics. (p.150). As I was frequently role-playing with my companion, I
was able to practice giving answers to certain questions or react to certain situations until I felt
confident in being able to approach random people. Knowing yourself through role-play practice
neutralizes your emotions and is crucial to both conflict management and communicating
effectively. Additionally, knowing how to say something is just as important as what to say;
tone is important (Polito, 2013, p.151). At the beginning of my mission when I approached
people, my heart rate would shoot up and I would feel many different emotions at the same time
which held me back to think clearly. As I continued to role play throughout my mission, I was
able to develop effective techniques that helped me to neutralize my emotions. As I approached
random people I felt more confident what I needed to do to create a safe environment for
effective communication. I know if I continue to role play certain crucial conversations that I
know will come in the future (i.e. job interview), I will be able to handle the situation in a much
more competent manner.

Better prepared for crucial conversations

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After researching and deepening my understanding the importance of role-playing and
self-reflection, I realized that I am better prepared to create a safe climate for crucial
conversations. I know when I implement role playing and true self-reflection in my daily life I
am able to turn crucial conversations into healthy diolouge.

Better prepared for crucial conversations

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References
Kraemer H. J. (2011). From values to action. San Francisco, California.
Polito, J. M. (2013). Effective communication during difficult conversations.
Neurodiagnostic Journal (ASET - The Neurodiagnostic Society), 53(2), 142152.