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Legislative Lingo: A Creative Writing Experience

Let me ask you this questions random citizen! Do you like tacos? Do you wish there was
an ACTUAL National Taco Tuesday? Yes? Well right now there is the National Taco Tuesday
bill being presented in the House of Representatives! Lets check the news to see how our
dreams are going. *click*
Good Morning, Im Jessica Rabt from Channel News 3.1415... with your daily update on bills
being passed. Today, America takes one of its biggest steps in history as a National Taco Tuesday
bill is the main topic in the House of Representatives. Lets go to our exclusive interview with
member of the House, Mike Coffman, who is a representative of Colorado.
WAIT! Before it starts, go get some snacks! this is going to be good.
What do I have to say about this bill even being considered? Are you kidding me? This is the
best time to be alive! Heaven may truly have a place on earth, and itll be in America. *back to
Jessica* There you have it, well tell you more when we come back from the break
Whohoo! Another supporter for the bill, maybe it will be passed! The sheer excitement coursing
through your body reminds you that you forgot to go to the restroom before sitting, hurry before
the commercial ends and the news comes back on!
And were back! The bill was then introduced in the Senate and it was given approval by
Senator Alexander Lamar. Now this morning, the N.T.T. Bill was assigned to the House Ethics
Committee and they said, and I quote, We believe that this bill, having been put before us, has
be long waited, and we are sure that by passing this bill, American lives will become better. As

the Ethics Committee has discussed-- or rather, TACO bout it, HA-- weve come to the
conclusion that a National Taco Day would surely keep the doctors away. I guess you could say
the Ethics Committee has a funny bone! Alright, now back to the meat of the subject, here is
what the Speaker of the House had to say:

. Oh, thats right, we are

currently havent chosen one for sure. The bill was also assigned to the Health, Education, and
Labor Pensions and gave a similar answer as the Ethics Committee. Mitch McConnell, the senate
majority leader, said that if you look at his picture, you can tell that he was thinking about tacos.
This has got to be the best day of your life. The more they talk about tacos the more you
crave them. You begin to recall what you have in your refrigerator to see if you have taco
ingredients and through your process the anchor lady catches your attention again.
In the Senate, the bill as reported favorably. Richard Shelby, the Committee Chairperson, said
that he was happy that the bill was assigned to his committee. Now get this, the bill is favored by
so many of the members that logrolling might not even be needed to pass the N.T.T. bill. For
those of you who dont know, logrolling is the practice of exchanging favors by reciprocal voting
for each other's proposed legislation. And apparently, money will be taken from the military
funds and will be earmarked for the National Taco Tuesday! How great is that? I mean, if we end
up needing to go to war, we can just say LETTUCE talk about it!
Woah this news channel is funny and educational? No way man, this is the best day ever,
even better than when you married your spouse! Seeing as you cant even remember your
anniversary date, you rush to jot down todays date and tomorrows date. Tomorrow is the day
that this bill is placed on the legislative calendar, where it will be debated on in the House and
then the Senate. You yawn and go to bed; your dreams are about tacos. When you wake up early
the next morning, you consider it the best sleep youve had in years.

You do some research and find that the N.T.T. bill is a closed rule, which is a procedural
maneuver that prohibits any amendments to bills up for a vote on the House floor, unless they are
recommended by the committee reporting the bill. Huh, and now you can shove it in your old
history teachers face! You are smart, take that! Now that you know what a closed rule is, you see
that there is an open rule and decide to find out what that means. Might as well, right? You read
that an open rule is a set of regulations for debate on the floor of the House of Representatives
which permits general debate and allows members to offer amendments. The House Rules
Committee will be there to assert the legislation is need be. Cool, considering that not many
people seem against the N.T.T. bill, you figure that the quorum will go smoothly while you pray
for Mitch McConnell and the majority whip to approve it-- and it does! You should be a
psychic!
Anyways, you decide to see what happened during the debate and find out that there was
a grand sum of ayes during the voice vote. A roll call vote wasnt needed, seeing as it is rarely
used on a minority of bills. You quickly turn on the T.V. to see the news headline: N.T.T. BILL
PASSED IN THE HOUSE AND SENATE, as it crosses the screen. Good days are here again!
No filibuster was needed as everyone approved of the N.T.T. bill with a cloture . Now the bill
will be voted on in each chamber. Now you really start to sweat because you know that there are
some taco haters in the chambers and hope that logrolling will be considered in there. No worries
though, the Conference Committee will make sure any disputes are settled.
This is Jessica Rabt from Channel News 3.1415 to bring you breaking news! The N.T.T bill
was just passed in the chambers and is now on its way to the Presidents desk. The President
approves of the bill and there is going to be a bill signing ceremony. You didnt cry at your

wedding, but silent tears are streaming down your face. The first Tuesday after September 15,
will be considered National Taco Tuesday. Ariba my friends.