Slowiaczek 1

Extended Inquiry Essay

Final Draft
Julia Slowiaczek
Professor Intawiwat
ENG 112-72
4/15/15
Death of a Loved One

The death of a loved one is a large topic that encompasses a whole lot
more than just the content of this paper. It is an intense topic that will
provoke thought but it will be looked on as a more positive situation and one
that you can come out of with a whole new perspective and grow as a
person. I chose this topic because it really interests me. I am interested
because I have been an outsider in a situation where I witnessed a family
lose a loved one. In my essay I am going to discuss the death of a loved one
and how it affects people. I will briefly show the different perspectives in
situations like that. And discuss what grief is and how we can deal with it or
help someone else who is dealing with it. Lastly, I am also going to look at
how other kinds of cultures deal with death.
To start with, what are some effects of the death of a loved one? Some
people have a really hard time going through something like this and
honestly it is a terrible situation to be in and I understand that it can be a
really rough time. But on the other hand some people deal with it relatively
well, now this is not well compared to a person who isnt in the situation but,
I think that not having a mental breakdown is dealing with the death of a

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loved one in a good manor. Now what types of perspectives are there for
something like this? Well, I am going to just touch on what I believe to be the
three main perspectives, although I am sure there are more. Firstly, you can
be the main person this event is affecting; the person who has the loved on
that passed away. Or you can be an indirect person who knew the loved one
who passed away. Lastly, you could be the outsider that was still affected
because you knew the person or family of the person in some way. I think
that these three are the main perspectives in a situation where a loved one is
lost.
Lets discuss grief. What is it? Grief is something used in the everyday
vocabulary of most people. Phrases like good grief or dont give me grief
are just two examples of this. But this isnt a nonchalant or lackadaisical
word. Grief is a real and serious thing that left unattended or unnoticed can
cause depression. Grief is often associated with depression but they are not
the same thing. Grief is sharp sorrow or misfortune, its a result of something
terrible happening. Depression is just being in a constant state of sadness or
even worse, numbness, but isnt necessarily caused by a loss. There are
different types of ways we grieve, but there are also different types of people
who grieve or grievers. In an article by molly Remer she makes reference to
a book by Susan Bergers that explains the different types of people as such
Nomads: Those who have not yet resolved their grief in a way that allows
them to move on with their life and form a satisfying new identity.
Memorialists: Their main goal is to honor their loved one by creating physical

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objects or rituals that honor the deceased. Normalizers: They work to
recreate the kind of life they lost or wished they'd had. Activists: They focus
on helping other people who are dealing with the same disease or issues that
caused their loved one's death. Seekers: They experience loss as a catalyst
for philosophical exploration into the meaning of life. (Remer). This example
explains to us that there are different types of ways we deal with grief, and
the way we grieve is strongly dependent on who we are as a person.
Now how do you deal with this grief? How do you cope with the searing
loss of a loved one? Well, something that I know can help is counseling. This
seems like a drastic measure or perhaps it means youve hit rock bottom but
that is not true. There is no shame in going to a therapist or counselor that
can help you deal with a loss. I know for many people it is what helps keep
them going and out of depression. Another thing that is very helpful for
children in specific is grief camps or, bereavement camps. When my sister
was a child she went to a bereavement camp and said it was what helped
her most when we lost our grandparents. I think that these camps are a good
thing because they can help you learn to deal with the grief in a healthy way
and with other people who are going through something similar to your
situation. The counselors there do the same things a therapist would, but not
in such a strict or restricted way. An article about a bereavement camp called
Camp Coral said, Obviously, it doesn't take much to trigger tears at Camp
Coral. And that's good, because grieving is healing. And that's what this
camp is all about. Most activities, from therapeutic art projects to drama

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presentations, encourage the children to let loose what's in their hearts.
(Work). In short, bereavement camps and counseling can be really helpful to
people in grief.

They let you release all the sadness and have many

therapeutic qualities.
How can outside people help in a situation like this? A majority of
people think that they really cannot do anything to help someone in grief. I
think there is always something you can do to help but there are boundries
on what Is helpful and what is not. An article by James Patterson said, Avoid
talking about your own problems or experiences with death or about others
who have had similar or worse losses, (Patterson).

I cant agree more,

talking about your problems can do no good. You dont really know what they
are going through in their specific situation. I think talking about you can
even anger the person. Although, in some cases maybe a relatable story can
help but dont compare the situations side by side. Patterson also said,
Don't offer advice or predict how long the grieving process will last.
(Patterson). This is true as well, everybody is different and sometimes it
takes a long time to get over things and others it takes a short time. You can
never know and guessing can do no good for the healing process, just let it
take its course. However, help from others done in the right way can really
positively affect the griever. An article by the Harvard health publications
said, The compassionate gestures of friends and family cannot be
underestimated in times of grief and bereavement. (Coping with Grief and
Loss).

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A main reason why different people experience grief in different ways
is cultural upbringing and religion. In an article by Sandra lobar it said Latino
death rituals are described as heavily influenced by Catholic beliefs where
spirituality is very important and there is a continuing relationship between
the living and the dead through prayer and visits to the graveDeath rituals
for Black Americans vary widely, perhaps because of the diversity in religious
affiliations, geographic region, education, and economicsIn summary,
grieving and death rituals vary widely across cultures and are often heavily
influenced by religion. (Lobar). Over all death rituals and grieving are
influenced by many things. These variations are influenced by religion and
cultural background. I also just found in my research that some cultures are
very involved in the ceremonies after the death of a loved one and some are
not. Different cultures do different things. So every situation is very diverse
and people deal with every situation in their own way.
No matter how you look at it, the death of a loved one is a terrible loss.
That of which no one can understand until you are truly going through it. But
the outsiders get affected too, not in such a hard way but it affects them in
small ways and in relationships with the families who go through these
losses. Not all of these changes and effects are bad, you can grow as a
person through something like this. You can see who your real friends and
family are and come together and love each other when hard times arise.
Grief is a sadness that is overwhelming but if we come together and love
each other we can get through it.

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In conclusion the death of a loved one is not lightweight matter, its
heavy and deep and involves so much more than that of these few pages.
But the ways we can help those who are experiencing this are not futile or
small. We can do more than you think. A simple encouraging word or hug can
be a game changer. So take that into consideration the next time you find a
person in this situation or you yourself are in it. We can love each other and
band together to deal with the death of a loved one.

Work Cited
Coping with Grief and Loss: A Guide to Healing when Mourning the Death of
a Loved One. Norwalk: Belvoir Media Group, LLC, 2014. ProQuest. Web.
24 Mar. 2015.

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http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.cpcc.edu/pqcentral/docview/1545565194/
232351E9E93D4DF9PQ/19?accountid=10008

Lobar, Sandra L., JoAnne M. Youngblut, and Dorothy Brooten. "Cross-Cultural

Beliefs, Ceremonies, and Rituals Surrounding Death of a Loved One."
Pediatric nursing 32.1 (2006): 44-50. ProQuest. Web. 24 Mar. 2015.
http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.cpcc.edu/pqcentral/docview/19940
1836/232351E9E93D4DF9PQ/10?accountid=10008#
Paterson, James M. "Facing Death; when a Friend Loses a Loved One." The
Washington Post (pre-1997 Fulltext) Sep 24 1996. ProQuest. Web. 24
Mar. 2015.
http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.cpcc.edu/pqcentral/docview/30798
5583/E958EF8BFD0648A1PQ/1?accountid=10008
Remer, Molly, M.S.W.I.C.C.E.C.P.F.E. "The Five Ways we Grieve: Finding Your
Personal Path to Healing After the Loss of a Loved One." International
Journal of Childbirth Education 04 2012: 96. ProQuest. Web. 24 Mar.
2015.
http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.cpcc.edu/pqcentral/docview/1039290783/
BCF2D318E1564842PQ/26?accountid=10008#

Work, Deborah P. "CAMP COUNSELING THERAPEUTIC SESSIONS HELP KIDS

LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE." Sun
SentinelJun 01 1995. ProQuest. Web. 24 Mar. 2015.
http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.cpcc.edu/pqcentral/docview/388568264/F
245594DA4904BBFPQ/2?accountid=10008

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