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She
She Magazine
...it’s a woman thing!
FEBRUARY 2010
THIS THING CALLED LOVE -
REAL LIFE LOVE STORIES TO WARM
YOUR HEART THIS VALENTINE’S
WWW.SHEMAGAZINE.COM
AND MARRIAGE ONLINE
the American
Heart Association Day
of National Awareness
of Women and
Heart Disease.
Friday February 5
Free blood pressure 10 a.m.-2 p.m.
checks, heart risk
assessments Main Hospital Lobby
and educational
materials will be given
805 Pamlico Highway THE LOOK OF LOVE -
Florence
VOLUME 7 ISSUE 12
to patients, visitors and FROM ROMANTIC TO
staff. Enjoy nutritional
DARING DATE-NIGHT
cooking demonstrations
and receive healthy Show your support CLOTHES
recipes.
McLeod
Heart & Vascular Institute
www.McLeodCardiac.org
www.Facebook.com/McLeodHealth www.Twitter.com/McLeodHealth
Florence Wellness
& Weight-loss Center
J. MARSHALL DENT, M.D.,
under the direction of
FLORENCE’S ONLY BARIATRIC PHYSICIAN
NOW OFFERING FULL & MODIFIED FAST AS WELL AS OTHER PROGRAMS TAILORED TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS
KELLI’S STORY... I was motivated to lose weight because I had gone from about 130 pounds to 157 pounds in two years. I like to spend time
at the beach and was not looking forward to moving up another size.
I participated in the meat and vegetable, high-protein, low-carb program at Florence Wellness & Weight-Loss Center. I ate lots
of eggs and all sorts of vegetables and meats. For a meal substitution if I was busy or just felt like it, I enjoyed protein shakes. Fast
food wasn’t even an obstacle. I could order burgers and just not eat the bread. Some restaurants already sell burgers this way.
I didn’t have a set exercise routine. If I felt like getting on the treadmill, I did. If I didn’t feel like it, I didn’t. But, I worked long
hours at a busy restaurant, so I did get in daily walking.
The hardest part of sticking to the program was avoiding the sweets that stared me in the face constantly. After about two weeks, though,
my obsession with chocolate and cookies was dwindling.
I was motivated by the fast results of the program. I really stuck with it hard-core and lost eight pounds the first two weeks.
The best thing about losing the weight is going shopping. I actually like trying on clothes now. Plus, all the compliments are a real self-esteem
booster.
Just like Mom, my participation in Dr. Dent’s weight-loss program lead to the discovery that I had a problem – an underactive thyroid,
which was also causing other issues. Since the diagnosis, I’m on medication, and I feel great. If I hadn’t gone to Dr. Dent and discovered the
hypoactive thyroid condition, I could have yo-yo dieted my whole life and the weight would have come right back every time.
My advice to others is to get a partner, get serious and get to work with Dr. Dent and his staff. The more effort you put into the program,
the more results you get. Be serious and do it for real this time.
before
With a total loss of 30 pounds, I currently weigh 127 pounds. I have a few more pounds to go, but I’ll get there.
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contents
78 80 84
in every issue
14 Letter from the Editor 53 Wee She 122 The Sir-Vey
Mackenzie Jane Grimsley
16 She mail 124 Chicks of the Month
59 Chick Lit The Staff of First United
28 In His Own Words Lee Blackmon Methodist Childcare Center in
Tim Lee Marion
66 Women at Work
32 Shop Talk Jo Pike 128 She Wants to Know
Main Street Jewelers
100 Drop A Hint! 132 Fabulous Finds
34 Beauty Buzz
102 And She Cooks,Too! 136 Who’s That Girl?
39 Wings for the Spirit Taylor Timmons
Sherry S. Page Atkinson 104-105 There She Goes
contributing writers
22 Allie Atkinson 50 Ferebe Gasque 98-99 Marti Miller
The Same Sweet Girls Never Say Never! Live Well. Laugh Often. Love
Much.
26 Beth Grant 54 Ouida K. Page, RN, LPC
The Tap Method Love Lessons 116 Cookie Cawthon
Butterfly Wishes
30 Anna K. Pitts 56 Aron Cannon Smith
Buns in the Oven = Happiness I Know What Love Is
All Around
36 Jumana A. Swindler
72 Paige Self Thomas
The Cheerful Heart
And,The Award Goes to...
12-13 1/27/10 3:50 PM Page 2
YxuÜâtÜç ECDC
She
Melia Flowers Berry
Publisher/Editor
editor@shemagazine.com
Tuesday Taylor
General Manager
we are
Advertising & Graphic Design
110
tuesday@shemagazine.com
Dresden Tucker
Graphic Design
dresden@shemagazine.com
Heather Frick
special features Editorial Assistant / Advertising
hfrick@shemagazine.com
76 Louise Dailey
A shl ey R o gers
78-79 Rachelle & Drake Conner Graphic Design
120 J. Marshall Dent, III, MD number (email editor@shemagazine.com). Letters to the Editor may require editing
Sex Drive and Your Hormones due to space limitations. The design, editorial and photo content in She is copyright
of She Magazine and may not be reproduced without written permission by the
publisher. She Magazine is a registered trademark.
14 1/27/10 5:03 PM Page 1
L I V E , L AU G H & LOVE
with
Dear She,
She: mail Dear She,
I immensely enjoy She Magazine! You I am the Owner/Agent of Brian Edwards
should be commended for such a diverse and Insurance Agency, Inc. (State Farm Insurance)
informative writing staff that you have. May in Dillon, SC. My wife picks up She Magazine
God bless you this 2010, and kudos for the
great job you are doing!
each month, and I usually end up reading it
I hardly let the ink dry before I get myself before she does!
out to Lulu’s or my local physician’s office to I’m the proud father of two beautiful
get my monthly copy. When I finish it, I send it girls, with a third girl due in February. I find
to my sister in Alabama who shops the Pee that I learn a lot about girls and raising them
Dee area still and has found many specialty
shops through She Magazine. from She Magazine.
There is always a She Magazine in our
In Him,
office that gets passed around for everyone
Paula L. Murph, M.Ed. to read. Thank you for that.
Sincerely,
Dear She, Brian Edwards, Dillon, SC
I picked up She Magazine for the first time in December and com-
pletely fell in love. I noticed the January issue after a vigorous workout and
could not have been more pleased. She is overflowing with stories that are Dear She,
uplifting, motivating and heartwarming. As someone who has just begun
I love to read She Magazineeach and
her self-improvement regimen, the articles proved to be exactly what I
needed. They gave me good tips and an extra boost of motivation to con-
every chance I get. Since moving away from the
tinue on the right path. Florence area about three years ago, my friends
“Wings for the Spirit” by Sherry S. Page Atkinson did exactly as and family will occasionally save their old copies
promised – provided wings for my spirit! It was as though it was written for me so that I can still stay in touch.
with me in mind, to lift me up when I needed it most. Please let Mrs. Generally speaking, I just love She Magazine.
Atkinson know that I appreciated the article very much and will continue It’s very informative with interesting articles, as
to be an avid fan. well as great advertisements!
I truly enjoy She, and I know it touches every woman
that is blessed enough to read it. I thank God that He allowed you Sherry Padgett, Lugoff, SC
to empower women – all women – and bring them closer to Him (if their
hearts are open) through the pages of She.
May God continue to bless all the women and men connected with
this wonderful magazine. I will continue to pray for She Magazine and its
staff, and I wish all of you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
Lakeysha Jones, Florence, SC
P.S. I can’t wait for next month’s issue!
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FEBRUARY 2010
1. 2.
In Every Issue
Contributors
with the health and fitness theme, Dr. Dent explains how insulin resistance leads to
weight gain.
2. Avie J. Rainwater, III, Ph.D., ABPP This month, She Magazine is happy to
bring to our readers the debut of ASK DR. AVIE - A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE ON
THINGS WOMEN CARE ABOUT. A Senior Partner of LifeCare Psychology Group,
LLC, Dr. Avie J. Rainwater is the only Triple-Boarded Psychologist in SC, holding
Specialty Certification in Clinical Psychology and Sub-Specialty Designations in both
Biofeedback and Pain Management. He and his wife of 31 years, Karen, have three
children together. Chelsea, Seth and Josh.
7 8
3. Erika Chapman loves her husband, Mark & living in Florence. Her passions include 6
raising her three boys, serving as a KidSpring Volunteer at NewSpring Church and reading just
about anything she can get her hands on.
4.Sherry Page Atkinson lives in Marion with her husband, Jimmy. This
month in Wings for the Spirit, she asks the question, “Will This Be The Year?”
6. Cookie Cawthon is wild about her family. She totally digs serving as a
greeter at NewSpring Church every week, and she flat out loves reading, writing,
speaking, teaching, and blogging www.cookiecawthon.com.
7. Jumana Swindler is the Director of Marketing and Public Relations for 13..
McLeod Health. Her personal favorite pastimes, reflected in her writings, are RV'ing, 12
movies,Theater, fishing, reading and spending time with her son and family.
8. Ferebe Gasque loves being Music Therapist at McLeod Hospice House, selling
Pampered Chef Kitchen tools, and writing for She Magazine. Friends and fans can
reach her at ferebe.she@earthlink.net.
9. Marti Miller lives and writes in Marion, SC and enjoys life, with love
and laughter. Pig collections are important to these pursuits - especially
the flying variety. They do fly. Really, they do
In This Issue
10. Anna Pitts lives in Florence, She is currently pursuing her career as a School Library
Media Specialist and loving every minute of the journey! This month, Anna continues to write 14. Carol Adams, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with McLeod
about her upcoming wedding and fitting into her dream dress. Family Medicine Center in Florence.
11. Paige Self Thomas lives in Florence with her husband, Joey, and two Sheltie chil- 15. Latrelle Fowler, RN,PhD and Life Coach, lives in Florence with her hus-
dren,Timmy and Buddy. Together, Paige and Joey have seven grown children. She works band, Tony. For this issue, we asked Latrelle to tackle the issue of TIME. In her arti-
part-time as Business Administrator for the Francis Marion University Center for the Child cle,What Is the BIGGEST TIME-WASTER in Your Life, And What Will You do About
and is a Licensed Realtor with Prudential Segars in Florence. It This Year?, she offers advice on making the most of your time in New Year.
12. Mary Dittman, MBA, is an Instructor of Marketing and Director of the 16. Beth Grant is an Artist, Interior Decorator and Writer. She and her hus-
Internship Program in the School of Business at Francis Marion University. She con- band, Don, live on their family farm in Lamar, South Carolina. They own and oper-
sults for a variety of local and regional companies and is actively involved in the ate Mantissa Row in Hartsville.
Florence community. Her new column “Mary Unmarried” is catching on quite quickly.
17. Dr. Fred M. Krainin is an Interventional Cardiologist who performs many diag-
13. Cheri Jordan Cheri Jordan is a Florence resident and has been married to nostic and interventional procedures in the McLeod Cardiac Catheterization laboratory.He is
her husband, Robert, for eleven years. She is a stay-at-home mom to four chil- in practice with Pee Dee Cardiology Associates.
dren, Abbi, Luke, Savannah and Matthew.
18. Aron Smith, and her husband, Collin, live in Florence. They have a son, Makgil
(5) and a daughter, Clara Beth (3).
19. Masha D’yans is an artist from New York who launched her own greeting
card company based on her water color prints.This month’s cover of ì • is one
of her Valentine greeting cards that fits perfect with our theme, “Live, Laugh, Love.”
Masha’s work can viewed and purchased at www.masha.com.
18. 19. 20. 21... 20. Ricky Ford is a photographer out of marion who says, “ Photography is an art
to me and I want every image that I take to be timeless. His work is featured in this issue
of ì • in a photo shoot for the feature stories. 843.617.0147 • rickiford.com
21. Collin Smith is repsonsible for the fabulous “after” shots for the women in
this month’s feature stories. A portrait and wedding photographer based out of
Florence, Collin launched the $100 Portrait Project that donates 50% of its revenue to
the Children’s Miracle Network & stays in the Florence area. He is also the man
behind the creative photos in the CYNTHIA ads. cmsmithportraits.com
19 1/27/10 11:15 AM Page 1
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the Same
Sweet Girls
by Allie Atkinson
There are times when I don’t feel as if I’m living but merely existing. I don’t take time to nurture myself
and invest in my sanity. During those times, I become very depressed, both spiritually and physically. I tend
to withdraw into myself and become antisocial. I don’t want to go out or do anything. I really just want to
be alone and do nothing. Physically, I feel so tired that I don’t do anything. I tend to just sit.
In order to combat these tendencies, my college girlfriends and I run away from home one weekend
each year. We “migrate” in January to some common location and take time to live, not just be. The group
number tends to vary as different things arise in the lives of the core group, and I’ve even had to miss a cou-
ple times. I always regret missing it, though, because it allows us to reconnect and to remember who we are
other than the titles we wear – teacher, wife and mother (for me, at least).
We reconnect with one another and, more importantly, with ourselves. Reconnecting enables us to
recharge our batteries. We are then able to return to our homes and families better than when we left. We
take time to nurture ourselves and to nurture each other. We gather together in a spirit of love. Out of that
shared love comes much laughter. And through that laughter, we are reminded to live.
We meet at a hotel on Friday evening. Once everyone has shown up, we go someplace fabulous for
dinner because diets are off-limits during this weekend. Then, we usually will return to the hotel and all pile
into one room and talk and laugh until the wee hours of the morning. I always feel so much better after one
of these weekends. It’s true; laughter truly is the best medicine. Lord Byron is quoted as saying,“Always laugh
when you can. It is cheap medicine.” We eventually pile into beds in pairs like we used to in college and drift
off to sleep, still smiling.
Saturday is shopping day, usually. We invade a mall somewhere and shop and talk and laugh even more.
We will sometimes go into a mall nail place and get manicures and/or pedicures. For me, this is a rare occur-
rence and is made even more special as I look down the line of chairs at the faces of friends that I have
now had for almost twenty years.
These are the same sweet girls who have been my friends for nearly two decades. They gave
my bridal showers. They threw my bachelorette party. In fact, they threw me in the fountain
in front of Columbia College after my engagement, as is tradition. They attended my wed-
ding or were attendants in it. They have celebrated my victories with me. And, they have
mourned with me in my defeats. They have kept my feet on the ground when my head
got too high in the clouds, and they have picked me up and dusted me off when I was
knocked down by life.
They are my mirrors. They reflect back at me who I truly am. I
don’t ever have to “put on” with them. They would call me on it anyway. No
fakeness allowed on Girls’ Weekend! Through their eyes, I am reminded of
who I have been, who I am now and, most importantly, who it is that I want to
become. They help me remember that I need to live, not merely exist, but truly
live and invest in myself, as well as my career and family.
It never matters how much time passes, we fall right back into the familiar
old friendships as I often fall into a comfy pair of sweatpants. The sweatpants,
like these friendships, stretch to fit, no matter how long I’ve had them.
They encompass me in warmth. They make me feel alive.
They are my sisters. And, I love each and every one of them. I
thank God for them. They remind me that I need to truly live, and
that in order to feel alive, I have to laugh. And, as long as we are
together and laughing, I will always feel love.
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24-25 1/28/10 10:00 AM Page 1
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26 1/25/10 11:18 AM Page 1
“Even the people we love most in this world will disappoint us and let us down
at some point in our lives. In turn, we may let those we love down, too.”
as human
As human beings
beings, when facing extreme cir- help someone else. We learned that faith is real and the hurts run too deep. The very reason for His suf-
cumstances, we learn to adapt to our suffering by God is real and that He absolutely answers all our fering was so we could be free from the debilitating
refocusing our thoughts. What a wonderful instru- prayers. We learn that His way is not always our way; burdens of hurt and resentment. Once we are able to
ment God gave us to overcome adversity – our imag- but, in the end, it is the best way. We learn that which forgive, we are set free. This doesn’t mean that those
ination. Imagining ourselves in a pleasant situation or doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. We do become who mean us harm should be allowed back into our
believing we can and will overcome puts us on the “steel magnolias.” lives; it does mean that we are charged to continue
right path towards help. If we spend more energy forgiving, loving, our prayers for them. And, maybe one day, they will
Recently, I learned that American Prisoners helping and laughing, we begin the process of healing. realize the damage they inflicted, whether intentional
of War in Vietnam developed a tap system among This miraculous goodness can only come from God as or not.
themselves, using the alphabet and the wall that sepa- it was His gift of love to us. When we practice good I always believed that if you nurture people
rated them from each other. They spent hours devel- thoughts and let go of our hurts, we can be free of its and honestly share your time and talents with them,
oping a carefully-orchestrated system that offered grip on us. When we are harboring anger, hurt and you would have a friend for life. This is the problem
comfort and hope to one another during their agoniz- resentment towards someone, it slowly poisons us with allowing our faith to rest in people. Even the
ing lengthy imprisonment. I can only imagine how and interferes with our ability to trust and love oth- people we love most in this world will disappoint us
awful it was for those soldiers to be in isolation for so ers. With God’s help, we will be able to forgive and and let us down at some point in our lives. In turn, we
long, yet they were able to use their minds for their move on and rid ourselves of what Satan loves most. may let those we love down, too. The only real foun-
own protection. By not allowing the reality of the sit- Satan loves to cripple us with negative thoughts and dation we can stand on is that of our Lord and Savior,
uation to consume their thoughts, they were able to feelings so he can stop our loving spirit. Jesus Christ.
channel them in a different direction that essentially In our never-ending search for peace and hap- This New Year – and especially throughout
kept them alive. They offered each other prayers, piness, we tend to always look outside of where we are this upcoming month dedicated to those we love – I
comfort, jokes, songs, lesson planning – anything to and dream of something that seems more far reaching. am vowing to focus on the positive in every way. The
keep each other sane. They gave each other hope that We seldom look at the miracles and joys we are already most difficult part of that will be a renewed accept-
help would someday come, and they would all be experiencing. It takes losing something or someone to ance of myself. I’m going to use my talents for the joy
reunited with their families. make us realize just how wonderful we had it. and comfort of others. My goals are more realistic as
Most of us who experienced horrific ordeals On rare occasions, people do enter our lives I get older. I will continue to set the bar pretty high,
in our past would not trade the aftereffects of those that take important parts of us away. They belittle us but I plan to scale it this time. When things begin to
events because they helped to shape and define who by digging in to the darkest places within us. Even so, seem out of sorts and overwhelming, I’m going to pic-
we are today. We learn coping skills and how to devel- God still expects us to pray for them so that we can ture those soldiers tapping the wall to stay alive.
op our instincts. We learned that we can and will survive reach closer to the ultimate goal that is forgiveness. Life is such a blessing! And, if we focus on
and that now we can take that knowledge and offer it to By ourselves, we could never accomplish this because helping others and sharing smiles instead of tears, then
self fades to black and happiness shines on!
Beth Grant is an Artist, Interior Decorator and Writer. She and her husband, Don, live on their family farm in Lamar, South Carolina. They own and operate Mantissa Row in Hartsville.
27 1/25/10 11:02 AM Page 1
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TIM LEE
I met Gaye at JCPenney in the
early 80s. She was working at a cash-wrap desk and I
worked in electronics. The first time we spoke, her self-
confidence and sense of humor jumped out at me. We soon
found out that we both love sarcasm (not mean spirited)
and practical jokes. It wasn’t long before we were going out
with friends for meals and parties. The thing is this; I guess
you can say that Gaye and I were friends long before we
became romantically involved. I was more relaxed and had
more fun when I was with her than anyone else I had
known.
I think that a lot of relationships fail because there “I can get
was never a friendship. Personally, I think that a strong rela-
tionship is an evolution of sorts; friendship evolves into through just
romance. Too many people think of love as an emotion or
chemical reaction. Think about it; you can get the same about anything
effects from chocolate or alcohol. Maybe it’s a state of mind
or something. I try not to overanalyze it. It either works
or it doesn’t.
as long as my
After five years of being friends, I found myself more
drawn to Gaye and not to others. She made me happy and best friend is
being with her was intoxicating. I asked her to marry me
after I made up my mind I wouldn’t be happy without her. beside me.”
We married March 12, 1988. The poor woman has tolerat-
ed me every since.
Before Gaye and I married, her pastor counseled us.
I’ll never forget his first question, “Will you let me talk you
out of this marriage?” My response was, “Not a chance!”
His laugh was reassuring. He did give us great advice, though, My advice is this: Don’t talk down or at her; talk to her. Spend
like never go to bed angry and have a “date night” once a week. quality time together at least once a week (date night). Do not allow
One of his best questions was,“Do you know why God made your relationship to get dull. Leave her a little note, a flower – just
Eve out of Adam’s rib?” The answer was, “He didn’t use a foot bone because. Call her once in awhile out of the blue to see how her day
because she wasn’t meant to be walked on. He used a rib because she is going. Most importantly, do not take her for granted!
was to be an equal or a partner.” Made sense to me! I heard a man say once that women married for looks, love or
Gaye and I are working towards the same goals. It takes two money. You’ll have to ask Gaye what she married for, but I think it’s
to make any relationship work, and trust is the biggest part of any rela- because I can cook.
tionship. Life isn’t easy, and it’s not always fair. We lost three children
Tim Lee and his wife, Gaye, have two children, Kaitlan and Jacob. He works
to miscarriages, but being able to communicate and lean on each other
at Carolinas Hospital System in the Engineering Department. Gaye is a
made it possible to move forward. I can get through just about any- Nurse at CHS, as well. They love the outdoors doing things like hiking in the
thing as long as my best friend is beside me. North Carolina and Tennessee mountains – things they can do as a family.
Tim’s wife and children have introduced him to Wii Fit. He thinks they find it
humorous to watch a forty-five-year-old man being tortured by a computer.
29 1/26/10 3:11 PM Page 1
Anna K. Pitts lives in Florence where she is the Media Specialist at Greenwood
Elementary.
31 1/28/10 9:21 AM Page 1
sho p i talk
M S J
Roy Cook
Pamela Michelle Byrd was born and raised and currently lives in Darlington. She has two sons, David (18) and Lucas (15). She enjoys working out at the gym and listening
to all types of music, including Christian Contemporary and top hits. She also enjoys judging barbeque festivals and trying new and different types of cuisines.
33 1/22/10 9:16 AM Page 1
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And, the
Award
Goes
To...
Sincerely Yours,
Jumana A. Swindler
T
The constant flood of award shows have to have curse words and be rated PG or R for me For Best Animation in a Lifetime Series, to one
broadcast on television during the first couple to want to see 'em; I'll take a good G movie any day of of the most dramatic and histrionic people I know, the
of months each year captivate my attention. I the week and scary movies don't have to be drenched in winner is ….. my son, Adam…..who says he gets that
love watching them, a pastime obviously shared by many gallons of fake blood with rolling heads falling off the "passion" and flair for the outrageous from me. But I
of my friends and even some of you folks out there. If for screen for me to find a plot hair raising. know better. It comes from his father's side of the family.
no other reason than being a welcome voyeur, we are And as far as the awards have gone this year, (They live out of town and don’t get SHE, so I can say that.)
invited to witness the red carpet interviews, watch the there's not much of a surprise except that they have For Best Judge of Character among human and
celebrities flaunt Vera Wang, clutch their spouses so ended in the time allotted to fit the network schedules. animal life, that goes to my dog,Vegas. She flat out despis-
other stars won’t steal them away and ogle over jewelry The 11 o'clock news wasn't preempted at all this season es: possums, signs that say "No Pets Please" and cats. (I
that no one really owns but borrows for the special night and George Clooney looked adorable on every one of am not particularly fond of items from this list, either.)
of spotlight. the six awards shows he attended, I might add. Additionally, Vegas will also bark ferociously at the TV
Incidentally "Cojo," alleged fashion expert, and I So, I was thinking, what if we could give our own during the ABC Nightly News when George
often disagree on who was "best or worst dressed" at Awards on National Television. I'd call mine the BRAG Stephanopoulos is anchoring or when Nancy Pelosi is on
these events. I even shudder at the caustic remarks he Awards. (Being Really Awesome and Great) at something. CSPAN. (So do I.)
makes. I assure you, I would never hurt Meryl Streep's I'd invite George to be the guest host, just 'cause he is For Best Lead in a Daily Drama, that honor goes
feelings by saying something insulting, even if she did look philanthropic, smart, single and sooooo purty…. (and he to my boss who handles each day with strength and
like a Persian Rug with feet on the People's Choice even wears his very own cuff links.) The trophy would grace, and not because of the work he does or where he
Awards or that Ryan Seacrest's apparent spray on tan either look like him or Simon Baker (from The Mentalist) does it, but the fact that he puts up with my antics calm-
made him look like a rejected copy of a Dick Clark - - another cutey patooty with the one fabulous thing ly on a regular basis. (Thank goodness, too. I need my job
model from the wax museum.They don’t need the added Clooney ain't got - that beautiful Australian accent. But to pay for my Digital TV bundle plan in order to watch
pressure of our personal, albeit, clever opinions. for my BRAG Awards, no recognition would be given to awards shows and the Hallmark channel in High Def.)
At any rate, I love most of the speeches at these the Hollywood elite. They would be handed to the real For Outstanding Special Effects, the award goes
events. Especially when young men thank their mothers on "stars." It would be for all around, outstanding contribu- to my Dad, who always puts the luster and the magic in
camera in front of millions of people for making them the tors in my life. And, I'd make the event on a holiday, like all our encounters and during special times together or
fine characters they are today (hint, hint to the offspring of February 14, to show that I really love the recipients. apart, especially fishing expeditions he goes on when I'm
mine) and older women like Betty White still act a bit foxy My first award for the evening would be to a not there. There's nothing better than the sound effects
and flirty at the age of 88. Now, I don’t care for political Best Supporting Character who has joined me in numer- or the bigger than life "productions" he contrives about
pontifications, attacks on conservative values, really ous exploits - - life changing events, like first jobs, first the size or number of fish he claims he caught, but chose
raunchy comments just for the sake of being bawdy or marriages, first births, and other good times, or bad times in to "let go for a chance to catch it again next time when
Hollywood inside jokes that make me feel like I am out of 3-D, like Deaths, Diets and Disappointing Dates - a fellow you can go with me," he always says.
the loop on celebrity gossip. Producers of these annual journalist and long time friend, Brenda Harrison. And finally, for best overall performance, the
specials need to understand that impressionable young (Audience cheers loudly here.) I would ask her to tape commitment to seek the fun and enjoyment from the
people are watching… and so am I. As I near 50 years of her thank you speech and watch from home, though… world around us, the prize goes to You, the dedicated
age, I know I am becoming more of a stick in the mud. No (She's single and has a thing for George Clooney, too. I'm SHE readers who seem to make it through the end of
need to remind me, my younger staff at work already not to proud to admit that she knows I'm sneaky enough these columns each month and even say you like it.
does. It's just that I believe that Pixar animated flicks don’t to want to keep her grubby paws away from George, too.)
Jumana A. Swindler, a resident of Florence, is the Director of Marketing and Public Relations for McLeod Health. Her personal favorite pastimes, reflected in her writings, are RV'ing, movies,
Theater, fishing, reading and spending time with her son and family.
37 1/21/10 1:18 PM Page 1
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Susan Minck
My Family: I am married to my husband, Richard and we
have 5 dogs: Madeline Grace, Jayce, Oliver, Luke and Harley.
Last Purchase: A
Dell Netbook with an
8.5 hours battery life
Favorite Movie:
Pride and Prejudice
I Absolutely
LOVE: Sweet Tarts! I One Thing You’ll Always
absolutely love anything Find in My Fridge:
sweet or sour – I am just not a Iced Tea – by the gallon!
My Escape: Reading – I am a chocolate person!
voracious reader of all types of nov-
els: mystery, the classics and drama. Something Most People
Guilty Pleasure: Mani-Pedi with a
Books, books, books! Would Be Surprised
glass of red wine
to Know about Me:
Proudest Moments: One of my I love to cross-stitch!
Beauty Product I Can’t Live
'proudest moments' was when I crossed
the finish line at the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Without: Tarte 'Lights, Camera, Splashes!'
Race for a Cure in Atlanta (2007). I had just Waterproof Mascara - It gives the longest
walked 60 miles in 3 days and raised over lashes, is waterproof AND works with my
$6,500 for breast cancer research. contacts
Never
Say
Never! by Ferebe Gasque
Ferebe Gasque is looking forward to the new adventures of this new year in her continued search for her "new normal" -- whatever that may be.
48 1/21/10 1:40 PM Page 1
53 1/27/10 1:57 PM Page 1
by Bev Kelly
MACKENZIE JANE GRIMSLEY IS A FUN-LOVING, ten-year-old in the fourth brush them and just give them more attention, which is what a shel-
grade at Carver Elementary School. A member of the Disciples Group at Ebenezer Baptist ter animal needs so much of. That’s why she likes just spending time
Church, she is actively involved in the Children’s Church. She is a Clemson fan who loves with all the animals. With her big heart and insightfulness, she knows
to go shopping, snow skiing and doing anything at the beach in the summer. When she grows that’s what’s important. Mackenzie loves to go to the shelter and would
up, she wants to be a Veterinarian. The daughter of Gene and Shannon Grimsley of Florence, love to be able to go a lot more. Each time she goes, though, she always
Mac has two sisters, Logan (14) and Caroline (6). There is also another very important wants to bring all the animals home with her.
member in Mackenzie’s family – Winston, the family’s dog, whom she loves very much. Mackenzie has been affectionate with animals her whole life. As a lit-
In fact, Mackenzie loves all animals. And, this young girl has already showed how tle girl, she never really played with many baby dolls or Barbie dolls; she always
unselfish her love for animals is. For her birthday last October, she had a skating party. wanted stuffed animals or pets. She got a Veterinarian Set when she was eight-years
old. She still has it and plays with it at home.
Puppy
Instead of getting gifts that a ten-year-old girl would receive, she asked everyone to bring
dog or cat food to be donated to the Florence Area Humane Society. Mackenzie wanted to At ten-years-old and putting precious animals’ needs before birthday presents,
make sure the animals had extra food. The idea to ask for dog and cat food instead of pres- Mackenzie seems to already have the perfect mindset to be a wonderful and caring
ents came about when Mackenzie had her ninth birthday party, and she received so much Veterinarian when she grows up. Whenever they take Winston to his Veterinarian, she
“stuff.” Her dad mentioned the idea of getting donations for the animal shelter instead of always wants to go and hold him while the doctor sees him. If they have to leave him, she
presents, and Mackenzie’s eyes lit up. With excitement in her voice, she asked,“Really, I can makes sure he has a toy and a blanket. Winston’s best interests are always top priority for
do that?!” That’s when the seed was planted for her tenth birthday. Mackenzie.
Winston, her black and white, ten-year-old Rat Terrier, has been part of Mac’s life She seems to know no fear of animals. She’ll go up to almost any kind of animal –
since she was born. The family got Winston from the girls’ grandfather for their oldest not knowing what kind of background it comes from. Although this can be very dangerous,
daughter, Logan, who is now fourteen. So, he actually belongs to all the girls; but, Mackenzie she thinks she can love them all and they all will love her. In a way, animals seem to know
spends the most time with him. that about Mackenzie. Sometimes, dogs and cats will shy away from children because they
Unlike most ten-year-olds, however, Mackenzie just doesn’t love Winston when it’s can be too energized around an animal, which scares them. With Mac, however, it seems
convenient for her. She understands that even though having a pet can be fun, it’s a big that animals just seem to know that she’s okay. Even when she’s on the beach, it’s as if the
responsibility. She knows that having a pet means the life and well-being of another living seagulls follow her around. (It could be because she likes to feed them all the time; but, again,
Love
thing is in her hands (with the help and guidance of her parents). that shows that she is thinking about them and not just frolicking in the beach.) The family
Of course, the biggest responsibility of all is love – and Mackenzie gives that went to Swan Lakes in Sumter when Mac was around five or six, and the geese all flocked
unselfishly. No matter how much she grows, changes or gets really busy, she keeps a place towards her. “It was a little scary because they were so much taller than Mac was, but she
open in her heart for Winston. She realizes that caring for our animals can take a lot of time was okay,” Mac’s mother says.
and energy. Even at ten-years-old, Mackenzie is already committed, willing to work hard and Mackenzie doesn’t just like the warm and furry animals; she loves birds, turtles and
make some compromises or sacrifices in order to be a good pet guardian. Every night, lizards, too. This past spring, they were at the beach and Mackenzie, her sisters and mom
Winston sleeps in Mac’s room; he has his own pillow and blanket. She wants to take him were going by the Flea Market. Mac’s dad told them, “Don’t bring back any kind of animal.”
everywhere she goes. Once, he even went with the family to Logan’s Cross Country State But, what did they do? They brought back a baby Red Ear Slider Turtle. Crush (as he is
Meet in Columbia because Mac didn’t want to leave him home alone. named) now resides in Mackenzie’s room in a big aquarium. When she grows up, she plans
She also shows her love for Winston by taking responsibility for him and partici- to have all kinds of different animals at her home.
pating in his care. Mac’s everyday jobs include feeding Winston and making sure he has fresh, With obvious pride for their daughter, Shannon and Gene Grimsley say,“We were
clean water. She also helps her dad give him baths. And, to show just how much she loves so proud of Mackenzie to decide to ask for donations for the Humane Society rather than
him – both in the good ways and the not-so-good ways – she cleans up outside after him. get birthday gifts. It shows a selfless quality that we hope grows in her life. We definitely
That, in itself, shows the true responsibility that this wise-beyond-her-years young girl has think Mackenzie has a heart and love for animals, and we are encouraged to see where it
already learned. Picking up after a pet is not only the responsible and right thing to do, for takes her in her life.”
Mackenzie, it’s a way of showing that she’s thinking of Winston and not just herself in their Anyone who has ever loved a pet has known the very special magic that they give
relationship. us – nonjudgmental, unconditional love and affection. A lot of forty-year-olds haven’t had the
She likes to volunteer at the animal shelter when she can. She walks some of the honor and privilege of knowing that magic. At only ten, Mackenzie already has. All from a
dogs, gives them snacks and bathes them. Also, she likes to play with the cats and kittens, precious little dog she calls Winston.
Bev Kelly and her husband,Tony, live in Rock Hill, SC, with their four precious four-legged children, Zazu, Chloe, Kitty Poo and Tuh-Tuh. She works from her home office as Proofreader and Writer for She Magazine. And, she loves her
job! This month’s “Wee She” was nominated by Mackenzie’s mom and dad, Shannon and Gene Grimsley. If you would like to nominate a little girl for “Wee She,” send an e-mail to editor@shemagazine.com with
“Wee She” Nomination as the subject.
54 1/25/10 11:14 AM Page 1
Love
Lessons :
What Happily-Married
Women Can Teach You About
by Ouida K. Page Choosing the Right Man
, RN, LPC
Ouida K. Page is a Master’s Prepared Licensed Professional and National Board Certified Counselor. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing and is a member of Sigma Theta Tau (International
Honor Society of Nursing). She has been in private practice in the Hartsville and Florence areas for over 15 years, specializing in families and issues relating to children,
adolescents and women of all ages. She is married and has one son who has graduated from Wofford College. To contact Ouida, you may call 843-398-0915.
You may also contact her by e-mailing editor@shemagazine.com with “Ouida” as the subject matter.
55 1/25/10 11:07 AM Page 1
I Know
What
Love Is by Aron Cannon Smith
by Aron Cannon Smith
a Fellowship of Christian but far from typical to the two of us. This was a love like
Athletes meeting at the nothing I had experienced before. I knew that the Lord
Love . This is University of South had given to me what I had prayed for since I was a young
Carolina. One of my friends teenager – a godly man to love me unconditionally.
something I know. was dating his roommate, Collin and I have gone through so much in these
I know the never-ending, unfailing, constant and always
and Collin and I were intro- past ten years. We’ve lost jobs, started a business from
faithful love of a Savior. I know the supportive love of
duced after the meeting the ground up, lost a business, had babies, lost babies,
family, the always-there-for-you love of a best friend. I
was over. There was some seen the thrill that comes from owning a successful busi-
know the unbelievably overwhelming love that takes over
casual flirting, but nothing ness and so much more. I’ve experienced the most
when you become a momma. In fact, the first time I was
really special. But! After I painful times of my life with this man; but, I’ve also expe-
in She Magazine was February, six years ago, and that
got back to my apartment that night, I could not get him rienced the most joyful times. And, both have made us –
“Baby Love” is the reason why. I had just given birth to
off my mind! And, when my roommate asked, “So, Aron, as a couple – stronger.
my first child, my son, and was experiencing firsthand the
who’s this Collin guy?”, I immediately responded, “I’m When I think of marriage, I always think back to
in-your-face, knock-you-down, overwhelming, you’ll-
going to marry him.” She, of course, looked at me like I a simple diagram that was presented to us in a college
never-ever-be-the-same-again kind of love that comes
had completely gone off the deep end – and rightfully so. I Bible study group long ago. It’s a triangle with one of the
when you see your baby’s face for the first time. It’s pow-
mean, I knew nothing about him (other than I thought he bottom points being the husband, the other one the wife,
erful! All those loves I’m referring to are powerful. Love
was really hot in that Carolina Lacrosse T-shirt!). and the top point, God. Basically, as each person seeks
is an amazing thing, and I am so blessed to have so many
Weeks passed and we kept running into one God individually, it will draw them closer to one another.
loves in my life.
another. For a year, our paths had never crossed and It’s simple, makes total and complete sense and is some-
However, the love that immediately came to
then, all of a sudden, I couldn’t go anywhere without run- thing you’ve probably seen before. But, I am here to tell
mind when I thought about writing this story is the love
ning into him. We met up at parties, walking around cam- you that it works! Without a doubt, any rocky times in
of my Beloved – my husband, Collin. Collin and I will be
pus, at summer concerts in the park. It was becoming our marriage can be traced back to times when, individ-
celebrating our tenth anniversary this year. And, there is
hard to get him off my mind. We soon started to be ually, Collin and I were not where we needed to be with
no one else on this earth that I would rather spend time
more intentional about our meetings. And, when we God. But, experiencing this love that God has given to us
with. I know it sounds cliché, but I am so much more in
finally decided that we were in fact, dating, our friends when we seek Him is mindboggling. And, so fun!
love with him now than I was when we were dating,
responded with “Yeah, you have been for awhile.” They These past ten years with my love have been the
engaged, on our wedding day – even on the days that we
all knew it. It just took us a little while to figure out. best of my life. And, I want a billion more years with him.
had our two precious babies. I love this man on so many
I can’t imagine it getting better – but, I know it will.
different levels, and words could never do it justice.
Our courtship and engagement were typical –
I remember the night we met. It was at
Aron Cannon Smith and her husband, Collin, live in Florence. They have a son, Makgil (5) and a daughter, Clara Beth (3).
59 1/26/10 2:55 PM Page 1
chicklit:
What’s on Lee Blackmon’s Best-Seller List?
THE WEDDING
by nicholas sparks
I enjoy reading about marriages. The differ- their marriage. He realizes his job had taken prior- When I finished reading this book, with
ences from one marriage to another intrigues me. ity and he and Jane have grown apart. He feels tears in my eyes, I told my husband he needed to
In The Wedding, Nicholas Sparks took me through that she’s no longer in love with him. Wilson is still in read it. It’s definitely a must-read for the husband
the heartfelt journey of a marriage. love with his wife and decides he’s going to do what- and wife. I enjoyed reading about this marriage, and
Wilson and Jane have been married for ever it takes to win her back – the love of his life. I look forward to thirty years with my husband.
thirty years and have two children. As an attorney, Through the conversations and memories The Wedding reinforced the necessity of
Wilson, provided for his family but spent more time with his father-in-law, Noah,Wilson started to work romance in a marriage. Keep the romance alive
at work than at home. his way back into Jane’s heart. The wedding of his every month of the year – not just February. Don’t
With the children grown and out the daughter is the pull-at-your-heartstrings moment in let life get in the way of your love at home.
house, he started noticing there was no romance in this Nicholas Sparks’ book, The Wedding.
Originally from Marion, Lee Blackmon and her husband,Will, live in Huntingdon, United Kingdom, where they are on assignment with the
United States Air Force. This assignment has proven to be a blessing; it is giving them the opportunity to see so much of Europe. In their
short time there, so far, they have taken trips to Germany and Spain. But, there is so much more for them to explore.
60 1/26/10 12:50 PM Page 1
Be in She
C om i ng i n
APRIL 2010
WOMEN
AT
WORK
She is
looking for
GENDER BENDERS -
women with jobs that are
typically held by men.
G E N D E R B E N D E R S will be
a par t of an issue called
BLOOM WHERE YOU’RE PLANTED
- coming in April.
If you would like to have your job profiled, send a detailed e-mail
to editor@shemagazine.com. Be sure to Include a day and evening
phone number with APRIL 2010 in the subject line.
61 1/26/10 1:18 PM Page 1
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The American Red Cross
everyone who needs it. I help businesses, churches and schools set up blood drives in
the Florence County and Sumter areas. I have the pleasure of working with the most
wonderful and selfless people who give their time over and over again.
Without question, what I enjoy most about my job are the donors I have had
the pleasure to meet. I make it a priority to go to as many of my blood drives as pos-
sible, and I’ve met so many incredible people. There is one donor in particular who
should be an inspiration to us all. He will be donating his 365th unit of blood at the
end of February at Tuomey Hospital!
The most difficult part of my job is trying to get people to donate blood. It’s
important for everyone to know that you have the power to save a life – and you never
know who you’re going to help. It could be a premature baby, a cancer patient, children
and adults with leukemia, patients with sickle cell anemia, accident and burn victims,
trauma patients and patients facing critical surgeries that would not be here today with-
out the blood you gave. That’s a lot of people who are counting on you!
The need is constant, so we are always looking for help in our community. If
you are a church, business or school that could sponsor just one blood drive per year
in the Florence, Darlington or Sumter County areas, please call me at 843-229-3061.
We make it very easy and provide everything you’ll need. For everyone already doing
blood drives, we can’t thank you enough.
If you would like to give blood, please call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE or go
to redcrossblood.org to find a blood drive in your area.You can even schedule your
appointment online.
Jo Pike is married to Greg and has four children, Matt, Aaron, Hunter and Taylor. She is Co-Director of the Marion Baptist Children’s Choir and enjoys being involved in Judgment House.
67 1/22/10 1:57 PM Page 1
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When
“Til Death Do Us Part”
Becomes Reality
How to Cope with the Loss
of Your Soul Mate
by Carol Adams PhD
“When I think about life without him, it’s like looking at the sun; I
can only do it briefly and then have to turn my attention away.”
Nothing in life is better than having a long, happy marriage. In this cold, cruel I cannot imagine the “alone-
world, knowing that there’s one human being that puts you first is so very comforting ness” I would feel without my hus-
and reassuring. Despite the fact that we hear more about all the marriages that end in band in the world, and I’m sure a part
divorce, I still know lots of people who are – and have been – happily married for a long of me would truly feel as if it had
time. They share their lives together, their dreams, their hopes, their children and their died. However, I think I could find
grandchildren. In short, they have a lifetime of history together. comfort in all that we have shared and
What happens when one member of the couple dies? How does the surviv- all that I have learned from him through
ing spouse go on in a world that has taken away her true soul mate? (And, I hesitate the years. Things like being more
to use “soul mate” simply because it has been trivialized recently by so many individu- patient, more thoughtful about what I
als referring to their paramours as soul mates!) say to others. And, that would be good.
Personally, I’ve been married 44 years to a man that I adore and enjoy more Friends often think that the
today than I even did back in the beginning. We have a marriage that has really grown holidays and special occasions are the
and deepened over the years. When I think about life without him, it’s like looking at toughest times for surviving spouses
the sun; I can only do it briefly and then have to turn my attention away. and, certainly, they can be tough. A lot of
Holmes and Rahe, who did lots of studies on stress back in the 1960s and its people have told me, however, that those
impact on physical health, developed a stress rating scale based on their research. They are not the worst times. The worst times
assigned a certain number of “stress points” to various life stressors. Death of a are the “ordinary” times such as coming
spouse was assigned the most points of any of the life stressors. While on some level, home from work to an empty house, bed-
we know that this might be something that could happen to us in the future, we don’t time when you have no one to curl up
really think much about it. When it happens, obviously, the emotions run the gamut – beside, those Saturday mornings when you stayed
shock, sadness, fear, anger. in bed together just a little longer or cooked pancakes
Individuals that I have known through the years, including some of my own together or went out for that special breakfast. Friends tend to rally more around sur-
family members who have lost their spouse, have truly struggled trying to find new vivors on those “special” days, so there’s really a lot more support at those times than
meaning in their lives as they move forward as a “single” instead of a couple. Many indi- some of the more difficult times that occur much more frequently.
viduals talk about various ways they deal in those early days with the loss such as sleep- Most survivors say that friends are very supportive for a while, and then they
ing with an item of clothing that belonged to their spouse because they can still “smell” really get worried that you’re not “getting on with life,” even though you may still be
his or her presence. One person told me about actually placing the spouse’s pajamas grieving. It’s important to know that grief is very personal, and everybody has to do it
on the bed beside her, somehow believing that he would be in the bed with her the in their own way. While one person may find that being with others is helpful, some-
next morning if she did. Even though, intellectually, she knew this wasn’t going to hap- one else may find that having more alone time is comforting. As long as you’re getting
pen, it was something she needed to do. These are all natural reactions to such an over- up, getting dressed and putting one foot in front of the other each day, that’s about all
whelming loss. I think that could be expected for quite a while.
When there is time to prepare for death, at least there’s an opportunity to say Having said all that, it’s important to live every single day in our lives together.
goodbye – to let your spouse know how much they have meant to you. Sudden and We all live as if nothing is ever going to change – the ones we love will always be here
unexpected death removes that opportunity. Having the time to let your spouse go can and loving us. It’s so important to cherish the ones we love, let them know how much
be helpful. In the case of extreme illness, seeing your spouse no longer suffering can they mean to us and never take them for granted because the truth is, we/they won’t
actually be a relief and somehow ease the separation. always be here. We don’t like to think about that part. Talking about death isn’t some-
An analogy that someone told me about seems to fit. A minister was speak- thing most of us like doing, even though it’s a real part of life. Since Valentine’s Day is
ing about losing a spouse. He said that if you take two pieces of wood and glue them coming, maybe that could be just the opportunity to let your spouse know how special
together, they become one – much like a husband and wife. The wood stays glued he or she is.
together for 30 or more years and then, one day, the two pieces have to be separated. If you’ve continued reading this article and are totally depressed, by all means,
It’s not a clean separation; some of the wood rips off each board. In that same way, go out and cheer yourself up by doing something fun with your spouse. Maybe you can
when your spouse dies, a part of you dies, too. I like that analogy, but I think of it with go see the new romantic comedy, Valentine’s Day. It looks like it’ll be fun. And, you
another step. Some of each piece of wood is ripped off, but some of each piece also could probably use a little fun right now!
sticks to the other. So, I believe that a part of the deceased spouse lives on in you, as
well. I think I would really find that analogy comforting.
Carol T. Adams, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with McLeod Family Medicine Center in Florence.
71 1/22/10 1:48 PM Page 1
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by Paige Self Thomas
Sometimes, we take ourselves and our lives too seriously. We all know cats can be quite independent and, sometimes, mischievous. So,
It can be an easy thing to do, especially when life seems to become its own domino and on this particular day, I got a call from mom that she could not find her pet. “I honest-
one thing leads to another until we feel buried under a mountainous load of worry and ly don’t remember what it is I have, Paige; but, whatever it is, I cannot find it.”
stress. As we rolled into a New Year, I felt my inner boot straps tightening as I heard of After we both picked ourselves up off the floor from laughing, I told her she
calamity after calamity – from natural disaster to personal tragedy – and knowing that had a cat, her name was Sally and she had probably crawled into the kitchen cabinets
it all seemed out of control. What is one person to do but feel overwhelmed and, some- when Mom wasn’t looking. I went over to her house and, sure enough, Sally was hav-
times, even hopeless? ing a fun time crawling from one end of the cabinets to the other. No worries.
In answering my own questions and dilemma, I was reminded of the year that I I think the other thing that most often comes to mind – and makes me smile
spent helping to care for my mother as her mind gave way to the forgetfulness of demen- – is how often Mom asked me why she couldn’t drive. She had an accident for the first
tia. It can be a debilitating, frustrating and maybe even an embarrassing disease. For the time in her life at the age of 75. As we proceeded to file claims and work on getting
person with the disease, I’m sure life seems to feel like a mean villain. It’s one thing to cars repaired (fortunately, no one was injured), we found that she had forgotten to pay
be robbed of personal possessions or to lose things that are priceless, but to have your her car insurance, and it had lapsed. Due to her age and the liability involved with her
mind and other faculties stolen is fearful. And, I’m sure one feels totally helpless. For the health, the company declined to rewrite the policy. Oh, no! This meant taking away
caretaker, it requires a lot of patience and understanding and, as much as possible, put- Mom’s keys. (That is a story in itself.)
ting your own feelings aside. Quite often (while not intentionally), the caretaker will be For some reason, the thing that kept us laughing was that she couldn’t remem-
the brunt of the frustrations and agitations that come with the losses. ber why she couldn’t drive. She would ask me almost every day. I told her – and wrote
Nevertheless, much of the year that my mom struggled with these issues, I it down for her – but she just could not remember. Every time she asked me, we would
remember that we had some really good times together. I wouldn’t trade them for a mil- laugh, and she would say, “Have I asked you that before?”
lion dollars – even with the hardships. The reason for this is that along with the losses, “Just ten minutes ago, but you can’t drive because . . .” I would tell her again.
my mom – somehow, most of her life – had learned to take the bad with the good. And, I really do cherish those memories. And, I’m thankful that my mom – as meticulous and
I remember her as being someone that never, ever lost her sense of humor. I would have particular as she had been all of her life about her home, her life and everything in it –
to say that she is one person who sponged as much out of life as possible in the midst chose to live, love and laugh her way through one of the most debilitating diseases any-
of all the responsibilities she had. She lived, loved and laughed her way through it all. one can experience. I’m thankful for her sense of humor and the joy that it brought to
I hope our She readers won’t mind if I share a few of our stories. My most us in that last year.
favorite was the day my mom called to tell me she couldn’t find her pet. The funny, hilar- I don’t want anyone to think that I’m making light of the struggles of this sick-
ious part was that she couldn’t remember what kind of pet she had. I guess some peo- ness, nor the trials of being a caretaker of a loved one who may be faced with it. We
ple could get frantic or worried about such a thing. And, I don’t mean any disrespect all have times in our lives where we experience losses, tragedies, hardships and things
for the loss of that memory, but my mom really got tickled that day about the fact that we simply cannot change or understand. For all these times, God is with us. And, He
she could not remember what kind of pet she had. has given us a tremendous resilience to be able to make it through the toughest of
When her dog died in February of that year, we decided that although we want- times. In His Word, He tells us that a cheerful heart is a medicine (Proverbs 17:22) and
ed her to be able to be in her own home as long as possible, she shouldn’t be there His joy is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
alone. Dogs require a lot of attention – feeding bathing, walking – and we weren’t sure As we manage our lives in the year ahead, live life to the fullest! Love with all
she could remember to do all these things, so we decided on a cat. We were trying to your heart and laugh with someone every day. And, I pray that if you need Him, you will
help her choose a name and thinking she would be able to remember if it related to fam- call upon Him so that He will restore joy to you.
ily, we named this feline after her sister, Sally.
Paige Thomas lives in Florence with her husband, Joey, and two Sheltie pups. She has three grown sons and four stepchildren. She works part-time as
Business Administrator for the Francis Marion University Center for the Child, and she is currently licensed as a Realtor with Prudential Segars Realty in Florence.
73 1/27/10 1:58 PM Page 1
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82-83 1/28/10 9:33 AM Page 1
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]É{ÇÇç
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rogers
&
Heart to Heart
j “We met at Pee Dee Skating Rink and started dating in May 1969. We met, dated
and married in nine months. Forty years is a long time ago, so I’m not sure how I knew we
were right for each other. I think I probably sensed that he was a caring person and an hon-
est person. We got along very well and always had a good time together,” Patsy says in
response to my question of how she knew that she and Johnny were right for each other.
Johnny’s account of that first encounter with the woman who would become his
wife and his soul mate is one of admiration for Patsy and confidence in himself. “She was
Johnny was placed in the ICU, and the cardiologist informed them that his ejection fraction
(the percentage of the blood pumped out of the heart chamber during the contraction
phase) was down to fifteen, which is extremely low. Therefore, the doctor recommended
that they see a Transplant Cardiologist.
Patsy recalls the moment,“This blew our minds! And, this is when e realized how
very serious his condition was.”
Johnny received a pacemaker/defibrillator, and they waited for an appointment
easy to look at, cute with a short haircut that was curled under. I thought that maybe if I with the transplant clinic. That was a restless time for the whole family. Patsy remembers
could impress her, she would skate with me. And, I was right. We started dating in May 1969. feeling so anxious because it would take until September 2008 to get their first appointment
I proposed New Year’s Eve, and we were married on Valentine’s Day 1970. I figured I bet- in Charleston.
ter move fast. And, I was right. When I started dating Patsy, I noticed she loved children, In the meantime, the doctors tried medication first because a transplant truly had
and I knew she would be a good mother. And, I was right. I also saw the compassion for to be the last option. They decided in March 2009 that medication wasn’t going to work.
friends and family, and I knew that was a good quality. And, I was right. She was bashful and Johnny’s heart was continuing to weaken and his kidneys were beginning to be affected.
quiet and had some of the best morals of anyone I had ever known. So, it went from being More uneasy days lay ahead as he was put through three days of testing and evaluation to
friends to falling in love with her in a very short time. And, it was right.” determine if he was a heart transplant candidate. A week later, Johnny and Patsy learned
Patsy remembers Johnny’s New Year’s Eve proposal like it was yesterday, “He’s that he had been accepted and he was now officially on the list. The only problem was his
always clowned around a lot and when he asked me to marry him, my first response was, status was on the B List, which meant it could be one to three years or more before he
‘Are you kidding me?’” would receive a heart.
Forty years later, Patsy has never regretted her emphatic, “Yes!” to marrying The wait was on. The days would turn to weeks and weeks to months as they
Johnny, saying,“He’s a great husband, a good provider, always putting everyone’s needs before continually made trips back and forth to Charleston to have the pressure measured in
his own. He’s one of the most unselfish people I have ever known. His greatest joy comes Johnny’s heart. He had to be placed in the hospital for several days, two or three times dur-
from doing for others. He has always worked hard, but the money he earned was spent on ing this period. Once, his pressure was too high. Another time or two, his creatinine level
others and not on himself. His greatest pleasure comes from making others happy.” was not within a good range. In mid-July, he was put in the hospital again. This time, the
Johnny’s approach to fatherhood echoed that of his role of husband; he poured his doctors decided it was time to put him on a continuous drip to try to help him feel better.
heart and love into every moment. Patsy explains, “He has been a great father to our chil- When placed on this drip, it means your condition is worsening; but, it also meant he would
dren, leading them by example. He was always cutting up when the children were home be moved up on the list. Patsy recalls the feeling,“We could now receive a heart in the next
and making us laugh. When they were small, he’d make faces and change his voice and they’d few months. Reality began to sink in. I knew there was the possibility that he could die
laugh and laugh and beg him to do it again. He made sure that they had everything they before a heart became available.”
needed. He believed in having rules and, through his love, tried to teach them right from Through it all, however, they remained positive. “I never said I don’t know how I’ll
wrong. They have the greatest respect for their dad and really look up to him.” make it without you, and he never told me things like what he wanted at his funeral. We
Johnny feels that it’s Patsy who gets the medal for successfully raising their two knew this was out of our control and we turned it over to God.” Patsy and Johnny exer-
children. “I was the main builder of our house, but she was the main builder of our home. cised their tremendous faith in the Lord because they each knew it was something they
I worked shift work, so Patsy was the central one to support our children.” couldn’t handle alone. They just took it one day at a time – literally.
Either way, it’s obvious that it was the love that this couple had for one another However, one thing was for sure; Patsy and Johnny were not in this alone. First
that made them equally great parents. And, that love didn’t stop with their own children. and foremost, they knew that God was with them every step of the way, and they knew they
When Johnny became a grandfather, his capacity to love only grew. Anyone who has spent had the love and support from family and friends who began praying for Johnny from the
more than a few minutes with Johnny Rogers knows that his grandchildren are the “apples first moment in July 2009 when they found out he was going to need a transplant.
of my eye,” to put it in his words. “Something like this makes you see how fragile life is. You begin to realize that all
As wonderful as Patsy and Johnny’s life together is, it hasn’t been without struggle. the small stuff isn’t important. We didn’t dwell on the fact that we might not have much
During their forty years of marriage, Johnny had a tumor and an arm injury that required a time together. We just decided to fully enjoy the time we had at the moment,” Johnny said.
seven-week hospital stay and eighteen more months of outpatient surgery. However, even They went on a vacation with their children and grandchildren the first of July,
that didn’t prepare them for the journey that would lay ahead – a heart transplant. In 2003, although the reality that this might be their last trip together remained in the back of their
Johnny’s heart went out of rhythm. The doctors shocked it back into rhythm, and he had no minds. Still, they all just enjoyed being together.
other problems until July 2008. At that time, his heart went out of rhythm again, and he was Then, on a hot summer night, July 25, 2009, Johnny and Patsy received the call. The
in and out of the hospital several times trying to get this corrected. That same month, words they had waited to hear, “There might be a heart available,” were spoken. (continued)
80 1/27/10 1:35 PM Page 1
_tâÜt
driggers
by Ferebe Gasque
“So, it went from being friends to falling in love with her in a very short time. And, it was right.”
Needless to say, they slept very little that night. The coordinator said it would probably “We certainly do. We’re proof of that,” Johnny and Patsy proclaim.
be hours before they would know for sure. Johnny and Patsy believe that this was just one One of the toughest things for Johnny and Patsy has been the idea that someone
way that God would lead them through the experience. They called their children but decid- else had to lose his life in order for Johnny to live. “Somewhere, a mother and father are
ed not to call anyone else that night until they received actual word that it was a go. That grieving over the loss of their eighteen-year-son while we are celebrating. We pray for them
moment came at 7:00 AM on Sunday morning, thus the second sign showing how God was daily that they will find comfort.”
leading them. They were now able to contact their church family, who began their prayer I recently fought back tears as Johnny held the letter from the donor’s mom in his
for Patsy and Johnny at worship service. hands and told me that if he had his wish, he would rather have been the giver of a heart
“The third step in God’s leadership came just before they came in to take Johnny than the recipient. He would rather have died instead of the young boy who gave his heart.
to the operating room. A young surgery resident came in to take Johnny’s vitals. Before he Nevertheless, he acknowledges that the decision was not his. It was all in God’s hands, and
left, he asked Johnny if he was a believer and if he could pray with us.” Our family joined Johnny is grateful for the gift.
hands with the resident as he offered up a beautiful prayer. God provided people all through Johnny went on to tell me that he had prayed for the family of the donor for eight-
this experience to encourage them and lift the family up. een months. Puzzled, I asked, “Johnny, how did you know this family beforehand?”
Johnny went into surgery around 5:00 PM that day, and his family didn’t get to see He explained, “The moment I learned I would have to have a heart transplant to
him again until 6:00 AM the next morning. Needless to say, it was a long night. live, I knew that meant someone had to die for that to happen. I immediately began pray-
The heart didn’t want to start on the right side, so Johnny came out of surgery ing that for the family of that person, God would be with them if that should happen and
with two heart pumps. Patsy then began seeing prayers answered daily. Each day, it seemed should I live to get the heart.”
to her that there were hundreds – if not thousands – of people who would join her to pray As he stood there, still obviously weak from the ordeal of the transplant just
for that specific need. months earlier, my mind drifted back to a warm spring day last year. Johnny, a fabulously-gift-
The next couple weeks, Johnny was in critical condition. During this time, Patsy ed contractor was at my house overseeing my back porch project when we began to talk
and her family were showered by tremendous support from so many. In the five weeks that about his heart condition. I’ll never forget the words he said to me, and they replayed again
Johnny was in the hospital, not one day went by that they didn’t have a visitor. in my mind at that moment,“Either way, I win. If I get the transplant and live, I win. If I don’t
Carol and Keith kept everyone informed over Facebook, and they were all amazed and die, I win. I’m either here with my family, or I go home to be with Jesus. Either way, I
to see the hits they received daily. “Johnny was on many prayer lists. I see people now that win.”
I didn’t even know they knew us, and they tell me how they had him on their prayer lists. In that moment, as with all the time I have ever spent around Johnny Rogers, I
Everyone gave us so much support and we are so grateful to each and everyone.” walked away feeling a marvelous sense of being uplifted. Johnny has that way about him, as
Gradually, some of the tubes began to be taken away, and Johnny was finally able to anyone who knows him will tell you. Remembering the letter in his hand, my heart also
speak. It was a long, sometimes scary journey, but Pasty knows that God was – and remains broke for the mother of his donor. Having lost a son the same age as mine, I could not
– faithful. “He saw me through it and sent many angels to help me. I also knew that Johnny begin to imagine the pain she had experienced. I wished I could tell her what a wonderful
was a strong person and he’d do everything he could do to get better.” man this is who is now the keeper of her son’s heart. Not that it would ease the pain of
Johnny and Patsy have been blessed with so much love in their lives, and now they her loss, but for her to know that her precious son’s heart was now beating in this kind, lov-
realize even more fully the blessings of being given a second chance at life itself. They are ing man might, in some way, make the pain more bearable.
overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift and the giver. “We never want to take for granted When Johnny first learned that his heart was failing and he would need a trans-
the gift that God and the heart donor have given us. We have been given a chance to have plant, he felt he had been given a death sentence. Then, Patsy stood by his side – as she
some more time together and, hopefully, we can use this time wisely.” always has – and told him everything would be okay. After the initial shock subsided, he
It is their hope that, through this experience, those who hear their story will con- began to pray and felt a peace come over him that remains to this day. He still sings to him-
sider becoming donors. Patsy says she was one of those people who thought they could self over and over the song that inspired the words he spoke to me on that spring day last
never become an organ donor. But, after seeing firsthand how many lives can be saved year,“I’m a winner either way, if I go or if I stay.” “And,” he continues,“I have lived by those
through being a donor, she wants to raise awareness to the need. She now recognizes that words every day since, and I will live by them the rest of my life.”
people die every day while being on the transplant list, waiting for a call. She asks herself So, that is the story of Johnny meeting Patsy, Johnny giving Patsy his heart, Johnny
the question,“Why was Johnny one of the lucky ones?” And, she admits she does not know receiving a new heart and Johnny loving with all his heart. And, with Patsy – the love of his
the answer to that. She is just forever thankful that he was. life – by his side.
The mother of Johnny’s donor wrote them a note and said her son’s favorite
Patsy and Johnny Rogers live in Marion. They have two children, Carol (son-in-law Brent) and
quote was, “Love the life you live and live the life you love.” In his memory, this is what Keith (daughter-in-law, Christy) and three grandchildren, Carlie, Dylan, Kolby. Patsy is the County
Johnny and Patsy vow to do. In fact, for Johnny and Patsy, this is the purpose of telling their Treasurer in Marion, and Johnny is a building contractor. They want you to know that becoming
story. “I hope that everyone who reads this article will sign up to be a donor. The trans- an organ donor is one of the most unselfish decisions that an individual can make. And, the
plant hospital has a saying that makes you really take notice. It says,‘Don’t take your organs process is easier than many think. For more information on how to become an organ donor,
to Heaven. God knows we need them here.’” please visit www.organdonor.gov.
84-85 1/26/10 4:10 PM Page 1
She: love
ixÇvx ctâÄ|Çx
jelovchan
“Vence believes that only good thoughts can be had when you’re
&
c Pauline was eighteen and Vence was nineteen when they met on a blind date.
Vence had signed a professional baseball contract with the New York Yankees out of high
school and was waiting to depart for spring training. He would attend Penn State for
half of the year and then go play ball with the Yankees as a Shortstop for the remainder
of the year. Pauline was employed by Alcoa Aluminum and her co-worker was dating
Vence’s roommate from college.
Vence’s roommate asked him if he would like to go on a blind date. Vence
replied, “No way! The last blind date I had played left tackle for Ohio State!”
ing professional lessons at various locations. In addition, they attended a very focused,
one-week Ballroom Dance Camp in Vermont this past summer.
Pauline and Vence found that as they get older, they must find ways to do things
together. More often than not in today’s hectic lifestyle, it’s very easy for married cou-
ples to become “married singles,” as they call them. Ballroom dancing provides an
excellent opportunity to continue to develop their “coupleness.” Ballroom dancing
gives a man a chance to treat his spouse as a “lady.”
Their favorite dance has changed over the years as they further develop their
After a short period, he reconsidered and the date was set – with one prereq- level of expertise. Vence says that at present, however, their favorite is the Bolero – a
uisite. If Pauline was not what he expected, he needed to have an “exit strategy.” Well, slow but very, very romantic-style dance.
needless to say, the minute he saw Pauline, he was hooked. They dated for almost three Nevertheless, ballroom dancing will always be on their favorites list. Ballroom
years and married when Vence had one year remaining at Penn State. dancing requires teamwork and, in order to get better, you must practice – together. Any
Unfortunately,Vence’s baseball career was cut short due to a military commit- newcomers to ballroom think there is this “ballroom microwave” (as Vence calls it)
ment as an Officer in the Marine Corps. In addition to his engineering career,Vence had where you can spend a very short time and then become proficient. It doesn’t work
a parallel career and completed twenty-one years as an Officer in the Marines. After that way. You must practice and continue to challenge yourselves just as you would in
transferring to Florence, Pauline finished her college degree at Francis Marion. She now any other endeavor such as sports, computer skills, etc.
owns her own custom framing business, as well as being self-employed as a Tax and One rule Pauline and Vence have in ballroom dancing is to never blame the
Financial Advisor. partner and to never bicker. Every dancer makes mistakes (even those on Dancing with
Of course, the physical chemistry drew Pauline and Vence together when they the Stars), and it’s part of the evolution to becoming a better dancer. Dancing togeth-
first met; but, they both had a sense of humor, which was very important. They liked er should never be a source of friction; it should be just the opposite. Ballroom danc-
the same things, agreed on most issues and shared common values. Vence believes they ing is, of course, good exercise – not just physically but mentally, as well. Vence believes
knew they would marry each other that first night, which was January 8, 1967. They still that only good thoughts can be had when you’re ballroom dancing with the one you
celebrate that date as a “Meeting Anniversary.” To this day, they still like the same things, love. There is a lot of gentleness and respect displayed. The best part is that gentleness
agree on most issues and share common values. One thing that really helps their rela- and respect carries over to the next day.
tionship is that they like each other as much as they love each other. Pauline and Vence are the Dance Instructors at the Palmetto Ballroom Dance
Dancing soon came into the relationship. Pauline has always had a dance back- Club. The Club meets on the second Friday of each month at the Leatherman Senior
ground growing up (tap, ballet, etc.) Vence had none! They took Disco lessons during Center (close to Carolinas Hospital System, Freedom Florence Softball Complex). The
the 70s and Shag lessons when they moved to Florence. They saw a beginner’s ballroom lessons are designed to teach those that have no ballroom dance experience (or any
dance class being offered at Poynor in the evenings and decided to give it a try. There dance knowledge) the basic steps of each dance. The spirit of the lessons is to promote
was no doubt Pauline would be pleased. And, for Vence, ballroom dancing provided a fun and fitness while enjoying and learning the benefits of ballroom dancing. At the end
good foundation in true dancing versus just going out on the dance floor and jumping of each lesson, the participants will be able to function and maneuver on the dance floor
around. Once they completed the course, they joined the Palmetto Ballroom Dance utilizing the basic steps learned in that particular dance. For those that are more expe-
Club and have been dancing ever since. rienced in ballroom dancing, this is an opportunity to further fine-tune previous skills.
Before long, they were assistants to the original instructors at the club. Pauline and Vence take the last twenty minutes of the lesson to teach an advanced step
Eventually, they took over as the primary instructors. Pauline and Vence have now been to the more-experienced dancers. (continued.)
ballroom dancing for close to twelve years and have expanded their capabilities by tak-
Originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Pauline and Vence Jelovchan have lived in Florence for thirty years. They will celebrate their fortieth anniversary in September. They have one daughter (Tammi), an
attorney, who lives in Columbia, SC, and two beautiful granddaughters, Emily (8) and Molly (6), who refer to Pauline and Vence as “Nanny and Colonel Pop Pop.” Their son-in-law (Brant) is also an attorney and
teaches law at the University of South Carolina.
84-85 1/26/10 4:10 PM Page 2
She: love
`|v{xÄxpennington
_xÉÇ
A Second Chance for Love • by Sharon Bixler
&
c Paul Anka sings a song titled “Love Makes the
World Go ‘Round.” Sadly, sometimes love can go tum-
bling down while making the world go around, ending in
divorce. But, occasionally, out of the ashes of a divorce, a
miracle arises – a second chance. This is a story of just
that – a second chance for Michele and Leon Pennington.
Meeting Michele and Leon is like taking a breath of fresh
spring air. Their love is new, vibrant, young, fun, healthy
both his boys playing. Michele was lured into the arena
due to her marketing experience, creativity and willing-
ness to serve. They were both married at the time, and
they were miserable. But, nobody knew it.
Later, Michele had been divorced for several
years when Leon rode by her house on June 28, 2003. He
was legally separated and had just gotten his head on
straight when he rode by her house and saw her playing
time, and that gave him some concern. His children were
grown and gone, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to go
there again. As it turned out, Rene became the daughter
he never had, and Leon quickly came to love her as if she
was his own child.
Michele and Leon dated over several months –
University of South Carolina football games, long week-
ends on the lake at Wateree and short trips to the beach,
and high-spirited. It’s a love for the Lord and, obviously, a in the yard with her dog. Several weeks earlier, he had Charleston and to see her sister in Virginia. It was all he
great love for each other. told himself that he was going to stop and talk with her could have ever dreamed of and more. However, there
Michele is a Cardiovascular Specialty but only when he saw her out and about. A phone call was one problem. Leon wanted to take their relationship
Representative for sanofi-aventis U.S., one of the largest to the next level, and Michele wasn’t receptive to the
pharmaceutical companies in the world with over 96,000 “Michele and Leon fell deeply idea. Over the years, she had built these incredible walls
employees worldwide. She was married for sixteen around her for protection and survival. She said she
years, having two beautiful children, Mark and Rene, in love with each another. would continue to go out, but raising her children was
before the demise of her marriage in 2000. Mark is
presently a Specialist serving as an Enlisted Member with
the United States Army stationed at Fort Carson,
jÉÇwxÜyâÄ4 ”
It was wonderful!
“top priority” as a single parent. Leon wanted to play and
had all the time in the world. Her world and responsibil-
ities were very different. He had been confiding in a close
Colorado Springs, Colorado. Rene is in her freshman just wouldn’t be appropriate. friend about this, and his advice to Leon was to take a
year at the College of Charleston. Light conversation revealed that Michele wasn’t small pickaxe and take the walls down, brick by brick,
Leon is self-employed in the real estate business seeing anyone. She was so friendly, so beautiful and so layer by layer. He was absolutely right, and that is exact-
with Pennington and Meadows, Real Estate Solutions. He refreshing. Leon asked if she would go out with him ly what Leon did.
was married for thirty-two years, having two wonderful sometime. She said yes. He asked when. She said it After being together well over six months, they
boys,Tripp and Peter. Tripp graduated from the University of doesn’t matter. Then, he asked,“Tonight?” She said okay. were at a crossroads. Leon says that Michele even “had
South Carolina and works with Leon. Peter lives in Virginia. Their first date was dinner and right back home. the audacity to tell me several times along the way to go
Divorce is a horrible experience that not only However, their second date brought lingering conversa- away and play, give her some time to her duty, and come
affects you and your spouse but also your children, tion over dinner. After dinner and, then, dancing at the back.” He thought,“What a joke! I’ll leave if you tell me
extended family and close friends. Everybody you’re close Circle Fountain in Florence, Leon knew he wanted more you don’t want to see me, but I will not leave on my own
to is affected in some way. However, divorce is sometimes and hoped she would, too. He thought they had so much accord.”
necessary and without it, Michele and Leon wouldn’t or in common. They were both hard-working, determined Then, the greatest thing happened. While her
couldn’t have had a second chance in life to be in the loving individuals who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He had children were away for the holidays visiting their dad dur-
and nurturing partnership they share today. a short list of what he was looking for in a mate. Come ing Christmas break, Michele and Leon fell deeply in love
They first met in 1997, serving on the Board of to find out many months later, so did Michele. with each another. It was wonderful! (continued)
Directors for the Southeastern Baseball Classic. At that Michele fit Leon’s perfect mate criteria perfectly,
time, Leon was inundated with high school baseball with excluding having small children. Rene was twelve at the
Sharon Bixler is blessed to be the wife of Hal, mother of Holly (Stanley) and grandmother of Ian. She is a Member of Emmanuel Baptist Church in Hartsville.
86-87 1/28/10 9:15 AM Page 2
They spent the entire twelve days together, loving, living, talking
and even working some during the day. They cooked together, went out to
eat and fell asleep on blankets in front of the fire. They now refer to this as the “12
Days of Christmas.” Michele informed her children, even before they arrived at the
airport, that she wanted Leon to be more a part of her life and theirs.
They had been together for over two and a half years and were totally com- Efficient, reliable, clean – natural gas is the smart
mitted to one another. Michele and Leon were soul mates and so much in love. He
energy choice for your home. It’s not just about
says,“It was so easy to love her. We had a level of understanding for one another like
we had never experienced and even spoke the same love language.” comfort anymore. Natural gas appliances are more
They had pretty much decided to wait until both Michele’s children were out energy efficient, more cost-effective to operate, last
of high school to get married. Rene was still at home. However, Leon had second
thoughts. They were spending every day together before and after work, only part-
longer and require less maintenance. And, natural gas
ing to sleep in their own beds. He was lonely and wanted to be with Michele and is one of the most environmentally-friendly energy
Rene at night. So, on December 22, 2005 at daybreak, wearing the same shorts and sources available.
T-shirt and sandals he wore the day he asked her out on June 28, 2003 and standing
in the same place in her yard, Leon called her on the cell phone and woke her up.
She came to him, thinking something was wrong. Leon got down on his knees and Be sure to ask your builder for natural gas in your
asked her to marry him.
next home. If you’re already an SCE&G natural gas
After she accepted, he informed her that they were to wed the very next
day, on his birthday, and they had a lot to do. He had pre-arranged the wedding cer- customer and want to add additional natural gas
emony, performed by Dr. Jeri Perkins at the First Presbyterian Church where they had appliances, you may qualify for a rebate and the
been visiting regularly. They had a small wedding with most of their immediately fam-
SCE&G ValueRate. To learn more, call 1-866-523-8242
ily present. Luckily, the church was already decorated for a wedding later that
evening, and the recipients of that wedding were gracious to allow Michele and Leon or visit SCE&G’s virtual home at sceg.com/value.
to slip in beforehand.
Rene, Michele and Leon lived in her home for several months, and then they
moved to Leon’s residence where they have made their home for the last several
years. The rest is history. Their new house is presently under contract. When it clos-
es, Michele and Leon will be able to do what they have planned and wanted to do all
along – establish something together that the two of them have created.
To anyone reading this story, if you are in a relationship, nurture it like you
would nurture a small child. Put this above everything, excluding your relationship
with your Maker. It needs constant attention and takes the time to provide it. If you
are out there and want what Michele and Leon have found, follow your heart. Hold
tight to your beliefs and, soon, things will happen.
www.comfortableresponsible.org www.sceg.com/value
88-89 1/27/10 1:42 PM Page 1
Photos by
Heather Frick
She: love
f{tÇÇÉÇ
_xx bur r is& Where There Is Love,There Is Hope • by Erika Chapman
f Shannon Burris has a bright smile and a warm and bubbly personality. She
has a knack at making new people feel welcome and reaching out to those she knows
with a hug. A busy wife and mother of two, Shannon lives in Florence with her hus-
band, Lee, and her children, Graysen and Holden. Also a full-time teacher, she loves
teaching. She also loves her church family at NewSpring. Most people would never
guess that for the past nine years, Shannon has been battling an illness that, at times,
seemed to suck the life right out of her.
alone. Nevertheless, she found support in her mother, sister, best friend, grandmoth-
er and husband. Her grandmother, who also struggled with depression, has shared
personal insights that helped Shannon. She was so thankful for friends and family that
would “just be there for her.” At times, that could be just sitting in the same room
with her, listening to her explain how she felt, showing up at her house uninvited to
check on her or even making her get out of the house and take a walk.
Shannon first sought help from her family doctor who prescribed medication
Shannon has walked a road familiar to many people. According to the to treat the symptoms of depression. Her journey with antidepressants has been full
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), depressive disor- of trial and error and ups and downs. She emphasizes that it is
ders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults. About very important to find a doctor that will listen to you and consid-
one in every eight women can expect to develop clinical depres-
sion during their lifetime, according to Mental Health America.
Shannon first began to feel abnormally overwhelmed and anx-
“I am _|ä|Çz er your background history to find the medicine that will work for
you. It has been a long process finding a medication and dosage
that fits her needs. She shares that, at one time, she was on a
ious during 2001, the year after her daughter was born; she was proof that medicine that reacted against her body and caused her to slip into
experiencing postpartum depression. This is how her battle an even greater depression. This is why it is essential to have fam-
began; however, it did not simply pass. It continued on and off you can beat ily support and open communication between you, your doctor
again for years. Her depression was not like an illness that and your support system. Oftentimes, prescriptions may need to
lingers on and on; instead, it would come on during times of
stress and anxiety.
depression!” be altered or changed until you find what will help you achieve a
balance. Shannon also emphasizes that when someone is experi-
During these seasons of depression, Shannon describes encing depression, you desperately want relief, but some medica-
feeling sad, anxious, helpless, very fatigued with no energy, lacking an appetite and even tions may take two to four weeks before they begin working. She encourages peo-
feeling like it was work to eat or chew. At times, she would feel like her heart would ple to not simply give up because a medicine doesn’t seem to work quickly. Finding
beat out of her chest and experience anxiety attacks. She wanted to sleep her life success through medication takes perseverance and patience but can definitely be
away and remembers wishing that morning wouldn’t come, and she couldn’t wait until worth it.
it was dark enough to go to bed. She felt like no one could understand what she was Shannon attributes one of the strongest elements to her depression lifting as
feeling because it isn’t like a cold that has outward, physical symptoms. exercise. She began walking outside no matter what the temperature or weather.
Initially, Shannon’s family had a hard time understanding that she was facing Being outside helped her to take her focus off of how she was feeling and onto the
depression. They thought she was simply moody, sad because of stress or dealing with beauty around her. She would walk daily with her sister while her mother watched
PMS. When she began to truly open up to them, expressing her true emotions and their children. It cannot be emphasized enough to realize that such an important
the level of helplessness she was feeling, then they believed that she was depressed and aspect in dealing with depression is support, and Shannon was blessed with tremen-
needed some help. During the times when her depression was the most intense, she dous family support. She encourages anyone experiencing depression to seek out a
would isolate herself from friends and family, yet she desperately didn’t want to be strong support system through family, friends, work or wherever you can. (continued.)
88-89 1/27/10 1:42 PM Page 2
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She: love
^xÄÄç WxÜx~
jokisch
Love Notes
&
“Music enhances our relationship because it’s a significant part
Kelly grew up in Ormond Beach, Florida, and Derek grew up in Carlinville, Illinois. They moved to Florence in July of 1999 after Derek was hired as a faculty member in the Physics Department at Francis Marion
University. Kelly has a Bachelor of Music Education from Stetson University, a performance certificate from Göteborg University School of Music in Sweden and a Master of Music in Trumpet Performance from
the University of Florida. In addition to teaching music, she loves to play her trumpet. In Florence, she performs regularly with The Woodys, the FMU Wind Symphony and the Florence Symphony Orchestra.
90-91 1/27/10 9:30 AM Page 2
of what we do together.”
With all the studies about how music enhances brain development and
prepares a child for a lifetime of aesthetic pleasure, enhances abstract reasoning
skills, spatial reasoning and self-concept and is used to build on skills such as com-
munication, creativity and cooperation, I’ve been playing a lot of music for the baby.
Studies show that by five months, the fetus can hear voices and music. She can
move in rhythm to music and reacts by kicking to loud noises. I noticed her first
movements while teaching “Intro to Music” at FMU this fall. The first pieces she
moved to were Mussorgsky’s “The Great Gate of Kiev” from Pictures at an
Exhibition and Smetana’s The Moldau. She seems to like program music, loud brass
in symphonic works, baroque trumpet, and organ pieces. She also reacts to “Here
Comes the Sun,” “You Are My Sunshine,” “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” and
“No Rain” by Blind Melon. These are the pieces that have found their way to
“Baby’s Music” playlist on my iPod. If she continues to like this playlist, I guess we’ll
see her in a bumble bee tutu for her first Halloween costume.
fâÇáxàá tà à{x Uxtv{
It has also been fun to feel her movements as I perform. One especially Watching the waves kiss
wiggly moment was while I was performing Handel’s “Messiah” with the Florence
Symphony Orchestra this past December. She was dancing up a storm! As I sat the Shore at Sunrise...
with a smile on my face, I realized that it was during a solemn bass recitative. I
guess it just shows how listening to music does stimulate the mind, mood – and Just a weekend for two,
Baby Jokisch’s movement.
Together, Derek and I are ready for this new journey in our lives. And, we
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92 1/27/10 1:43 PM Page 1
She: love
Tá{Äxç wiggins
`tÜç &
“The house was constantly full of love...”
by Katherine Stone
Katherine Stone and her husband, Ronnie, live in Florence. They have three grown children, Erin, Laura and Lee. They also have several grandchildren.
93 1/27/10 3:05 PM Page 1
UPCOMING EVENTS:
She: love
UxäxÜÄç
ftÇw|yxÜ
The Preacher’s Wife
Photos by Heather Frick
“My position as Pastor’s Wife - is not about me; it’s all about Him!”
Beverly Sandifer is married to Kenneth Berton Sandifer, Senior Pastor at First Baptist Church in Darlington, SC. They have three children. Bert and his wife, Christy, reside in Darlington with their two sons, Zachary (9) and Joshua (6).
April and her husband, Rob Groff, reside in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, with their daughters, Jadyn (6) and Kyrah (5). They also have two bonus grandchildren, Jarhett and Leighana, both of whom are in college.
Olivia, their youngest daughter, resides in Little Rock, Arkansas. Beverly is a Registered Nurse employed at McLeod Medical Center in Dillon, SC, as Supervisor in the Cardiac Rehabilitation Department.
95 1/27/10 1:52 PM Page 1
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She: love
gtÄ|à{t WxÜx~
seeber
“I had met someone – and, it was off the internet.”
&
f Six years ago this month, I met my husband for
the first time. We had a bit of a whirlwind courtship.
We met in February and married that September. I
wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, but we definitely
knew quickly that we had found that one perfect person
that God had made for us. Did I mention we met
back and forth with a day or two. We started e-mailing
each other. We just never ran out of things to say.
Almost two weeks later, he asked for my phone number.
At first, I was leery; but, he was always so nice and it
seemed like we had a lot in common. And, a phone
number can change pretty easily. So, we started calling
called to ask me to come up and go out for a “nice din-
ner” the next night. I did. How could I resist? I’m pret-
ty sure we’ve been together ever since.
It took me about two or three weeks to admit
to my mom, my friends and my co-workers that I had
met someone – and, that it was off the internet. Some
through eHarmony.com? each other – every evening after work. We would talk were shocked. Some were proud. My mom was ecstat-
There is definitely still a stigma to online dat- and talk and talk. People who know me probably aren’t ic! She heard he had a PhD and owned his own house
ing. If ten years ago, someone would have told me that surprised by that, but people who know him would be and she didn’t care how I met him!
I would marry someone I met online, I would have shocked by how much he would talk, too. After four months of dating, we decided to get
laughed! Never! But, then I found myself at twenty-five- He asked me to meet him for dinner a few married. Then, it seemed like everything happened at
years old, working two jobs, owning my first home and times, but I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t want him to not once. We had a vacation in Iceland planned – a Fire and
dating some but just not interested in the guys I was like me, especially because I really looked forward to Ice Tour where we would hike all over Iceland and kayak
meeting. Meeting men through work was tricky; I didn’t talking to him. We would talk about work, about our a fjord. GE offered Derek a job in Florence. And, we
want to burn any bridges. Meeting men while out with homes, about where we had traveled and where we were trying to set a wedding date and plan a wedding
friends produced guys with no ambition and no dreams. wanted to go. Sometimes, we talked about our families, and reception.
So, on a Saturday night in January, I found and we found out we had both lost our dads when we We went to Iceland and loved it. We planned
myself curled up watching TV with my cat – and happy were teens. It was little things and big things that a wedding in three days for two weeks before Derek
to be doing just that! The first eHarmony commercial brought us closer and closer, just like any other relation- had to start his new job. And, we were off! One week-
made me laugh, thinking that stuff never works. Then, ship. end, we got married on Mackinac Island, Michigan. The
the second commercial came on, and I figured someone After a month, I knew if I didn’t meet Derek next weekend, we had our reception in Milwaukee,
upstairs was having a laugh at my expense. When the soon, he wasn’t going to wait forever. Now, after know- Wisconsin. That Monday, the movers showed up. We
third commercial came on in less than an hour, I told ing him for six years, I’m surprised he waited that long! reached Florence by Thursday, bought a house on Friday
God, “Alright, you don’t have to hit me over the head!” He is not known for being terribly patient, especially and Derek started work on Monday. I’m not sure how
But, apparently He thought He might have to. when his mind is made up. So, we agreed to meet we got through it all; but, somehow, it seemed to just
So, I did it. I spent three hours answering over 500 halfway between our homes for dinner. What we had- happen. We had each other, and it was going to be okay.
questions. I liked what the website offered. It was a n’t planned on was that there was only one restaurant For me, I sometimes wonder what would have
Christian-based relationship site, not just a dating site. I open halfway between Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and happened if I had ignored those commercials. I would-
controlled what anyone would see about me and if they Rockford, Illinois. Derek is always appalled when I tell n’t be happy and in love now. I wouldn’t have the world’s
would see my picture. It seemed to me that I would people our first date was at a Perkins Restaurant. most beautiful two-year-old little girl. I would never have
never have to tell anyone about it. Right? Nevertheless, it was a great night! We ate and heard of Florence, South Carolina. And, I know that
Derek and I got matched within the first week talked until they kicked us out. (Who knew they closed although we didn’t meet by traditional means, God had
of me signing up – January 29th to be exact. He seemed at ten?) So, then we stood in the parking lot and talked His hand in it. I couldn’t ask for a better husband.
nice, and our first three sets of communications flew for another hour. About ten minutes after we left, he
Talitha Seeber and her husband, Derek, live in Florence. They have an energetic two-year-old, Isadora; two cats and a dog. Talitha owns Wink Pottery, which she now runs out of her home.
100 1/26/10 3:15 PM Page 1
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by Marti Miller
Y
j When the theme for this month was
announced, I was ecstatic (as enthusiastic as a
northern transplant can get without swooning)
because our family theme is: Live well. Laugh
often. Love much. It is stamped on things all over
the house and permanently etched in our hearts.
We have gathered together in storms so often in
recent years under the umbrella of these protective
words. It was the theme from which we drew strength
when the father of my children lost his cancer fight. It was
the theme with which he was able to last as long as he
did while losing everything he held precious in this life.
It is also with this theme that I was able to say
goodbye to my son as his unit left to join the troop surge
in Afghanistan. God grants us the ability to spiritually
breathe through difficult times with these live, laugh, and
love words. He commands us to love.The living well and
laughing often parts are simply gifts that spring from the
loving?
Not long ago, I thought that God had placed me
in Marion, South Carolina in order to wake up and return
to the shelter of His love. He took away one part of my
living and laughing very soon after arrival, but he never
In fact, the only things we shared in common
were the proximity of our chairs and our desire to know
more about Christ through biblical study. He talked a lot
in that class. I spoke little, but listened intently. He also
groaned and sighed and “oof” ed every time he sat or
stood or moved in his chair, which hampered my ability
to hear anything. I did speak at those moments – and
rather sarcastically asked him one Sunday morning if he
would like a bit of cheese to go with that whine he
seemed to be enjoying so much.
Game on.
Little did I know that this might spark a danger-
ous competition of comments (mostly about his many
groans and my “northerner” words). It would have
helped to know ahead of time that he has a rather com-
petitive spirit and a scary ability to return sarcasm for
sarcasm. Now, too late, I know. But his lob return skills
impressed me enough to boldly ask him if he might want
to suffer through a northern lunch/dinner with me after
class. He said he would. And he did. In fact, he stayed for
three hours – did not choke on the food or hide it under
his napkin (that would come later when I dared to serve
link meat in the lasagna), did not seem to mind getting
biscuits and cheese and desserts and cheese and grits. If
he could find a dessert made of cheese and bread and
chocolate, with a fried shrimp topping, he’d be a happy
man. I prefer salads and salmon and donuts (we’re good
on that one – sugary fried bread, hold the cheese). He
prefers talking to writing and doing things to reading
U
But wait. They have also included a beautiful candle to light when praying
for my soldier son and a recent solo flight to Maryland on New Year’s Day so I
wouldn’t have to drive back to Marion alone after saying goodbye to that same son
as he boarded a plane to New York and ultimately to Afghanistan. He has gifted me
with beautiful words about my daughter and has allowed me the privilege of spend-
ing time with his son and family. Under the Christmas tree I found a GPS so, as he
said: “you can always find your way back to me”.And while we’re on the subject of
trees, he also saw to it that I would have a real one this year – something I haven’t
enjoyed in three years. So it leaned a little, so what? I was lucky enough to find a
book in the children’s section for him, entitled “Mr. Willoughby’s Christmas Tree”.
Uh-oh. Just gave away his name, didn’t I? Oh well.
What else have I given him? You mean besides a raging headache and con-
tinual back pain, with a gorgeous gift bag of hot tongue and cold shoulder? It is my
sincere hope that I have given him a reason to believe that love will remain alive and
well in this world until we reach for home. I hope I have given him a few moments
of side-hurting laughter along with the knowledge that his love is the only gift I will
ever need. I will practice the definition found in I Corinthians 13:4-8 and I will keep
practicing it until I get it right.
Whatever comes our way around the corner or over the next hill or in
its valley, having him in my life, no matter how briefly, has been the most wonderful
gift. I have been loved by him and laughed with him and lived contently in his pres-
ence. I will cherish him always whether he remains present or not. And only God
knows how it all will go – because it is toward Him that we look together.And for
that view, I am grateful beyond words.
His sister recently told me that her brother deserves to be happy and that
he lives his faith and when he says something, you can believe that he means it.Yes,
he does.And yes, I do intend to put his happiness ahead of my own, to walk beside
him in that faith, and to believe what he tells me. But I will not feed him cheese and
bread and fried food and dessert too often.Well, maybe donuts wouldn’t hurt once
in a while?
So, here’s the good news: If you ever find yourself questioning if life, love,
and laughter can return to you after it has been snuffed out by circumstance or
choices made, know for sure that indeed it can and does return – and it can be even
better than you ever imagined. It is just sometimes delivered in a package that is not
familiar and arrives when least expected. But it is a gift always.And, speaking of pack-
ages delivered, if you find yourself in Florence around Irby Street and pass a certain
FedEX Ground truck, you will be near someone who is even more wonderful than
hot donuts.And I really, really love those donuts. Hold the cheese…and the whine.
Marti Miller lives in Marion, SC and has officially embarrassed herself beyond all hope
by sharing this information. No, wait - there’s always hope. Romans 8:28
101 1/21/10 2:28 PM Page 1
Toni Adams,
Owner/Director
INSTRUCTORS: Carl Askew,
Brittany Jeffers, Mary Jones
But wait. They have also included a beautiful candle to light when praying
for my soldier son and a recent solo flight to Maryland on New Year’s Day so I
wouldn’t have to drive back to Marion alone after saying goodbye to that same son
as he boarded a plane to New York and ultimately to Afghanistan. He has gifted me
with beautiful words about my daughter and has allowed me the privilege of spend-
ing time with his son and family. Under the Christmas tree I found a GPS so, as he
said: “you can always find your way back to me”.And while we’re on the subject of
trees, he also saw to it that I would have a real one this year – something I haven’t
enjoyed in three years. So it leaned a little, so what? I was lucky enough to find a
book in the children’s section for him, entitled “Mr. Willoughby’s Christmas Tree”.
Uh-oh. Just gave away his name, didn’t I? Oh well.
What else have I given him? You mean besides a raging headache and con-
tinual back pain, with a gorgeous gift bag of hot tongue and cold shoulder? It is my
sincere hope that I have given him a reason to believe that love will remain alive and
well in this world until we reach for home. I hope I have given him a few moments
of side-hurting laughter along with the knowledge that his love is the only gift I will
ever need. I will practice the definition found in I Corinthians 13:4-8 and I will keep
practicing it until I get it right.
Whatever comes our way around the corner or over the next hill or in
its valley, having him in my life, no matter how briefly, has been the most wonderful
gift. I have been loved by him and laughed with him and lived contently in his pres-
ence. I will cherish him always whether he remains present or not. And only God
knows how it all will go – because it is toward Him that we look together.And for
that view, I am grateful beyond words.
His sister recently told me that her brother deserves to be happy and that
he lives his faith and when he says something, you can believe that he means it.Yes,
he does.And yes, I do intend to put his happiness ahead of my own, to walk beside
him in that faith, and to believe what he tells me. But I will not feed him cheese and
bread and fried food and dessert too often.Well, maybe donuts wouldn’t hurt once
in a while?
So, here’s the good news: If you ever find yourself questioning if life, love,
and laughter can return to you after it has been snuffed out by circumstance or
choices made, know for sure that indeed it can and does return – and it can be even
better than you ever imagined. It is just sometimes delivered in a package that is not
familiar and arrives when least expected. But it is a gift always.And, speaking of pack-
ages delivered, if you find yourself in Florence around Irby Street and pass a certain
FedEX Ground truck, you will be near someone who is even more wonderful than
hot donuts.And I really, really love those donuts. Hold the cheese…and the whine.
Marti Miller lives in Marion, SC and has officially embarrassed herself beyond all hope
by sharing this information. No, wait - there’s always hope. Romans 8:28
102 1/26/10 12:46 PM Page 1
Fudge
Brownie
Trifle
Shopping List:
• 1 Package of fudge brownie mix* • 1 Container of whipped topping
• 1 Package of chocolate instant (16-ounce container)
pudding (5.1-ounce box) • 1 Bag of Toffee Bar bits
• 2 Eggs • 1 Cup of chopped walnuts
• 2 Cups of cold milk
• 1/2 Cup of Kahlua * Vegetable oil called for on brownie mix.
Directions:
• Prepare the brownie mix according to package directions and bake. from the kitchen of
• Prepare the instant pudding according to package directions and chill.
• Once the brownies are partially cool, poke holes in the top of the brownies
with a wooden skewer or toothpick.
Amy Just
• Brush the brownies with Kahlua and set aside to finish cooling. Amy Just is from Florence and works as a Dental
• In a trifle bowl, break one half of the brownies into bite-sized pieces. Assistant for Dr. Economy. Amy (assisted by
• Top the bite-sized pieces of brownie with a layer of pudding. Martha Davis, Dustin’s mother) made this dessert
• Add a layer of whipped topping. when she was preparing a care package for her
boyfriend, Dustin, who has just deployed to
• Top with half the bag of Toffee Bar bits and a half cup of the chopped walnuts.
Afghanistan. She was already making brownies,
• Repeat the above layering in the same order for the second layer. so she just made a double batch.
• You may serve immediately or refrigerate overnight.
103 1/26/10 1:10 PM Page 1
Make an
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Or drop by on
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805 Pamplico Highway • Florence, SC • (843) 674-5000 • www.carolinashospital.com JEWELRY
Tues-Fri, 10-5:30
104-105 1/25/10 11:51 AM Page 1
Lackland AFB,
San Antonio,Texas
Puna Cana,
Dominica Republica Florence, Italy
Honolulu, Hawaii
Toronto, Canada
Nashville,
Tennessee Lake Guntersville, Alabama
• “My daughter, Nya, and I took She to visit Nya’s Granny • This is Jackie Smith from Lydia, SC, visiting Hawaii
in Toronto, Canada, this summer. Here, we’re at the CN with a friend back in September. She is pictured
Tower – Canada’s National Tower – at the Communities in standing in the Honolulu Airport.
Bloom Gardens.” - Christel Copeland
Lake Guntersville, Alabama
Nashville,Tennessee Judy Langley
Alivia, Sheila, & Jedd Alan Hess, Jr. September 2009 She Magazine
November 2009 She Magazine
• I am the Pilot International Director (fourth from left),
and I shared She Magazine with Bonnie Turner (fourth from
• “Our family went to Nashville for Thanksgiving. Since She Magazine is my right), Pilot International Alabama District Governor, while
favorite, I brought it along to enjoy while Alivia and Jedd Alan napped dur- attending their Fall Council meeting in Lake Guntersville
ing our trip to Music City USA. We stopped for a picture in front of the State Park. These Alabama Pilots were very impressed
Country Music Hall of Fame Museum.” - Sheila Hess with the publication and appreciated the photo opportuni-
ty.” - Judy Langley
106 1/27/10 9:08 AM Page 1
UNMARRIED
`tÜç
VxÄxuÜtàxN WÉÇËà [tàx
by Mary R. Dittman, MBA
Mary R. Dittman, MBA, is an Instructor of Marketing and Director of the Internship Program in the School of Business at Francis Marion
University. She consults for a variety of local and regional companies and is actively involved in the Florence community.
107 1/21/10 2:35 PM Page 1
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Dr. Krainin is an Interventional Cardiologist who performs many diagnostic and interventional procedures in the McLeod Cardiac Catheterization laboratory.
He is in practice with Pee Dee Cardiology Associates.
109 1/22/10 2:01 PM Page 1
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112 1/26/10 2:52 PM Page 1
On Lacey: Black Esley Cocktail Dress On Joel: Sweater from the Alan Paine
with ruffled collar. Flower cluster
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113 1/21/10 2:51 PM Page 1
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Butterfly Wishes
by Cookie Cawthon
Summer was under our skin in a bad way. It was the carrot dangling before And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
our noses as we flittered through the last days of school. Regardless of what a busy I hope you know somebody loves you
time the close of the year can be, there is a light anticipation, the cool breeze of free- And wants the same things too
dom blowing against our backs. There were parties and end-of-the year gifts, assess- Yeah, this is my wish
ments and awards programs. Carson, completing first grade, brought a gift home from
her teacher. It was a disc full of pictures, set to a sampling of music clips. The slideshow Both of my girls thought it total mom weirdness that I was standing there with
of pictures alone would have beckoned big mama tears as I glimpsed moments of her big tears rolling. We just don’t get her at all sometimes, they were thinking. At their
life away from me and noticed her change through the progression of photographs. But request, we watched three times consecutively. I was completely unable to tear myself
the music got me; something about a song can stir my soul. away. Over the past six months, I wouldn’t dare to guess how many times we’ve bro-
ken out the first grade movie, and I cry without fail.
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go I hope you never look back but you never forget
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
After totally emptying the contents of her backpack on the kitchen counter:
folded papers, notebooks, drawings, lip gloss, pencils and erasers, folders, candy, and Of course, I blame some of that on Rascal Flatts and their song, “My Wish.”
candy wrappers, she unearthed the disc and enthusiastically and impatiently begged to Heck, you’re probably bawling right now too. Those lyrics are killer. Just like any
watch it immediately on my computer. Fighting the urge to be highly annoyed by the respectable country tune should, they get to the heart of the matter. Live. Love. Laugh.
instant mess that had spontaneously erupted before my very eyes, I consented. Remember. Dream. And press on.
From what I hear, first grade quickly becomes fifth, and sixth grade becomes
And if one door opens to another door closed senior year. The truth in that song has the power to penetrate the everyday annoyances,
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window the tedium of caring for school-age children: sweeping up the same Goldfish crumbs,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile reminding them to hang up their washcloths, mediating the same sibling arguments day
But more than anything, more than anything in and day out, and transports me to a vulnerable place as a mother. A place where I
have a magnified understanding that I don’t get to keep her forever. She is mine but for
My wish for youIs that this life becomes all that you want it to a short time; they both are. That makes my mothering mistakes feel heavy and solid.
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
The class movie began, and I
felt my breathing quicken. My eyes So. That’s my wish for her. And Campbell. And me.
felt hot and full, then brimming over. I That we would live fully – forsaking fear and the mundane
stood transfixed, watching Nicholas to embrace challenge and adventure. That we would love
reading a book, Savannah on the com- deeply and be loved through and through. That we would
puter, Brad pledging to the flag, and often laugh together ‘til we pee our pants, gasp for breath,
Olivia doing the limbo at the class luau. and clutch our aching tummies.
And my Carson. Living her life. Doing Father, the task before me is daunting and scary. I
her thing. Apart from me. am flawed and unworthy to be their mother, so I humbly
ask for your help, every day. Your wisdom. Your patience.
Your grace and mercy. And theirs.
Happy Valentine’s Day, sweet Cawthon girls! I love you
as big as Texas, and I think you rock like nobody’s business!
WE ET
S
Look for
’s Day!
alentine
V
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118-119 1/27/10 3:37 PM Page 1
ASK
A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS WOMEN CARE ABOUT
ASK
Dr. Avie
with Avie J. Rainwater, III, Ph.D., ABPP
Question 1:
AS
Dear Dr. Avie,
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and love is on most everyone’s mind. It’s on my mind, too; however, what a lot of men (and some
women) think love is all about – sex – is the farthest thing from my mind. I love my husband with all my heart; but, because of
S
some things that I’m going through right now, I cannot bear the thought of having sex. Unfortunately, even though I love him, it’s
still “having sex” – not making love. How can I make him understand that even though I don’t want to have sex, I still need hugs
and kisses? I still need for him to touch me and snuggle with me and hold me without expecting something in return. I still need
his affection – and I still need him. He knows my situation; so, am I being unfair to him? Is there any help for us? Please help!
Question 2:
Dear Dr. Avie,
All the media coverage of Tiger Woods’ alleged affairs has really made me wonder, “Why, exactly, do
men cheat?” Looking at his beautiful wife, it just doesn’t make sense. Dr. Avie, can you shed some light?
Two questions, one theme – sex. What a great these things consistently. As Shakespeare wrote, “Aye, So, if it’s that basic, if the topic and the needs
topic as sex is so very important in our lives – there’s the rub!” Based on socialization and still-present really are the same, why is it often problematic? There is
the lives of both men and women. The begin- gender roles, women tend to be much more patient than a classic stalemate involved. Husbands don’t do the work
S
ning problem is that men and women have vast- men, and consistency is all about patience. To be consis- necessary to assure their wives’ needs are met and thus
ly different definitions for what sex actually is. tent, one must be able to put aside challenges to what is wives are not as open to physical intimacy as are men.
And, those differences primarily have to do with needed, and he must be willing to do so in favor of the You can’t have arguments and yell at your wife and be a
the why of physical intimacy, not the how or what. bigger picture. Again, this is a simple concept, but not at jerk and then expect her to jump into bed with you. Not
To exemplify this difference, let’s refer to an old, all an easy one. going to happen!
K
somewhat crass saying that holds a lot of truth: “Women Now, let’s look at the opposite side of the coin. Is this all on the man’s shoulders? Not at all.
need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.” Let’s If women enjoy sexuality for romantic reasons, then what Any woman knows that if she will take the time to build
look at this a little deeper. Why do women need a rea- motivates a man sexually? Now, you might think that it’s her man up, to encourage him, be loving to him, she will
son for physical intimacy? As with many things that I just the enjoyment of the activity, but you’d be wrong. find him being the sweet man she desires. Get it? That
explore with patients, I have to preference my response Sure, men, like women, enjoy sex – a lot. Statistically, she desires. So, why don’t women do this? Again, the
with,“This is simple, but it’s not easy.” The simple answer however, 75% of women enjoy sex and want it as much answer is simple but not easy. It gets back to the same
is that women primarily engage in sex for the emotional as do men. So, if men and women are that close in their selfishness and consistency.
closeness, the bonding of hearts, a celebration of the spe- enjoyment of intimacy, why does it appear that sex is so So, the cat’s out of the bag; women can be self-
cialness of the relationship – oh, and also because it’s much more important to men? ish and inconsistent, too. She doesn’t put forth the effort
enjoyable physically. That’s simple, right? It makes sense, First, men talk about sex a bit more and broach to be his champion and his lover, and so he feels lonely
right? However, the man, he has to handle himself in the the topic more than women. But, that, too, is about and hurt and selfishly doesn’t put forth the effort to be
relationship in a manner that allows the woman to read- socialization more than need. Men are socialized, from an her tender protector. It’s a very vicious cycle.
ily feel these emotions and thus be open to become inti- early age, to sublimate a lot of needs into sexuality. In the first question, the reader alludes to some-
mate. Any guy will tell you that accomplishing this with a Women get together and talk about their desires and thing in her life that makes sex undesirable for her “right
woman is anything but easy. hopes and dreams. Men talk about how badly they want now.” The time clarification suggests this reader needs
Why is it so difficult? Really, for three reasons: a woman! Guess what? It’s the same topic, just a differ- some time to heal (either emotionally or physically) so
First, it requires the man to think of the woman first. This ent language. that sex can become something positive again. Start
is not a man’s (nor a woman’s) natural state. We are self- This gets to the “why” for men. When a man is there. Tell your husband exactly what you’re going
ish by nature. Remember that whole original sin thing? intimate with a woman, he feels affirmed, loved, appreci- through. Clarify that this will be, with his help, a time-lim-
Eating of the forbidden fruit was the first selfish act, and ated, enjoyed – and the sex is deeply gratifying. A woman ited thing and express your continued need for affection
we are still trying to overcome that stronghold. Second, might say,“I wish my husband was more loving and caring without the pressure of sex. A reasonable man, one who
when it comes to matters of sexual needs, a man can and . . .” while a man might say,“Hey, let’s have sex!” But, cares about his wife – and who knows this is a time-lim-
sometimes have trouble fully accessing all of his thinking what he means is, “I need to feel loved and cared for.” ited issue – is going to want to meet his wife’s needs.
capacity to make good, caring and selfless decisions. Yes, amazingly as it seems, we are talking about the same (continued...)
Third, thinking unselfishly isn’t enough; a man has to do thing, but with different languages.
118-119 1/27/10 3:37 PM Page 2
SK
a huge red flag. If he doesn’t see the need to meet your needs and is only inter-
ested in his own satisfaction – again, major red flag. The ramifications of such prob- (size NB-16), special occasion & dancewear, shoes, toys, books,
lematic responses far outstretch the reach of an article like this and require baby equipment, furniture & room decor!
prompt consultation with a psychologist to begin marital therapy.
Now to the question of why men have affairs. There are many reasons,
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met in a very “basic” (e.g., sexual) manner. For that amount of stolen time with a
lover, the man doesn’t have to think about all that he isn’t, all that he’s done wrong,
all the ways he has failed, and he can relish in the tender affirmations he receives
from the pleasure of sexual closeness.
Having enjoyed that escape, however, he then has to escape from his
escape because he feels guilty. That’s why, for men, affairs don’t typically last
because they stay physical and don’t get to the emotional level that is needed to
create a lasting physically intimate bond.
In closing, I want to share four things for you to consider. First, because
sexual closeness is so powerful in a marriage, it is an area that the Deceiver will
use to accomplish his goal of seeking to “kill, steal and destroy.” Second, in the
entirety of my practice, I have never had a wife say to me,“He’s so nice and sweet
and considerate, but our sex life is terrible.” Third, I have also never seen a cou-
ple where the wife is attentive and encouraging and the problem they were deal-
ing with was infidelity. Fourth, and most importantly, it is in our sex lives that lov-
ing our mate more than ourselves comes into play in a most real way as it gives
us the opportunity to love our mate as they need to be loved – and giving to them
while expecting nothing in return.
Senior Partner of LifeCare Psychology Group, LLC, Dr. Avie J. Rainwater is the only Triple-
Boarded Psychologist in SC, holding Specialty Certification in Clinical Psychology and
Sub-Specialty Designations in both Biofeedback and Pain Management. He and his
wife of 31 years, Karen, have three children together. Chelsea, Seth and Josh.
What is it that
stimulates our sexual Sex Drive and
desire?
Your Hormones
by J. Marshall Dent, III, MD
H as anyone ever told you when you feel grumpy, angry, tearful, short- tempered
or lacking in sexual desire that “it must be your hormones”? Well, this kind of general-
not so much hormones as it is our brain chemistry. Unfortunately, there is a tendency
for our relationships to become routine, and our sex lives take a back seat to the hustle
ization is half right and half wrong. Yes, your hormones play a role in your sexual desire; and bustle of life. Before we know it, we are in that proverbial rut.
but, the truth is, the real solution is much deeper and varied than just your hormones. So, what if your sex life is not where it should be? First of all, take a careful eval-
One of the most common complaints of women today is the lack of sexual desire. Why uation of your lifestyle. I have provided some helpful tips that may improve the situation:
does this happen? It has become fashionable to blame our hormones for our loss of
libido. But, is there really any evidence that hormones are the real culprit? 1. Spend quality time together. Take time to add romance to your relationship.
The studies have been, if anything, confusing and not definitive in the answers to Treat your spouse like a date you are trying to impress. You know, like you did on that
the benefit of hormones on sexual desire. In both sexes, the hormone most responsible first date.
for desire is testosterone. There have been some studies showing a positive impact with
the use of testosterone. In my experience, the dose should be low and balanced and in 2. Make time to get adequate sleep. Fatigue is the biggest robber of sexual energy.
a bio-identical form to prevent side effects and to maximize benefits. The benefits can be
profound when used correctly and in the proper patient. The advantage is that it will help 3. Take time to create a mood. Dim lights and soft music can do a lot to stimu-
to sort out whether it’s a hormonal deficiency or other issue causing the decrease in late those romantic juices.
libido. The benefit can be a sudden improvement in desire, sexual thoughts and dreams.
The dosage is the key to success. To overdose will lead to unwanted side effects 4. Have a blood test for low thyroid and iron deficiency anemia, two com-
and the potential for hormone receptor overload. The concept of receptor overload is mon treatable conditions that may affect sex drive.
the response is never as intense since the receptors are saturated after the first dose. In
this patient, a withdrawal of hormone is necessary for the response to return. (I encour- 5. Share household duties. This will take stress off you and help you to bond bet-
age you to read Suzanne Somer’s book, The Sexy Years: Discover the Hormone ter with your spouse or partner. After you have cooked, cleaned the dishes and kitchen,
Connection, as she has done more than many physicians in educating women on the ben- it’s unlikely that sex is the first thing on your mind. Think about sharing duties in the
efits of testosterone.) You must realize, however, that all the testosterone in the world kitchen, and you’ll have more energy and time for the bedroom.
will not increase your desire if your partner is a first class jerk.
The other hormone that is essential to stimulating sexual experience is estro- 6. Create a date night once or twice a month and really build it up with little notes
gen. This hormone is greatly needed for the vaginal health to be optimized. The use of or reminders to your spouse. Make this time special. Men love to be romanced, too. You
estrogen is many times overlooked for its great benefit for vaginal lubrication via an may see a side in him you never knew existed.
increase in blood flow. Blood flow is very important for vaginal engorgement, which
increases sensation and intensity of orgasm. Estrogen may indirectly increase desire 7. Find a common interest or hobby. As our relationship matures, we often devel-
through greater satisfaction with the sexual experience. For the estrogen to work to its op our own interest that excludes our spouse. This can contribute to a lack of intimacy.
maximal benefit, it must be applied directly to the vaginal area. The area of most sensitiv- Take a cooking class together. Learn to play a sport; just find a common interest. Ladies,
ity is the outer third of the vagina. This happens to be one of the most undertreated areas you may be surprised to know that we like to have you involved in our hobbies.
in the female population, which is quite unfair with all the education and publicity about
erectile dysfunction medications available for the men. 8. Assess your medications. Certain medications have an adverse effect on sexual
Progesterone is the hormone that rises prior desire. These medications include antidepressants and
to the menses and falls when the menses tranquilizers and blood pressure medication.
ensues. It has long been felt to be the cul-
prit in symptoms of premenstrual 9. Improve your self-imagine.
syndrome (PMS), and the use of If you’re not happy with yourself,
progesterone has shown great how can your spouse make you
promise in the treatment of happy, sexually? Work on any
PMS. Progesterone has a issues you have first and don’t
great calming effect, project them onto your
enhances sleep and can level spouse. You don’t have to
out fluctuating emotions. be a Victoria’s Secret model
The benefit would be the to be drop-dead sexy to
indirect effect of mood sta- your husband.
bilization. It does have a
balancing effect against If a lack of sexual desire
excess hormone, so this may or activity is causing a
help to improve libido once major problem in your mar-
the balance is achieved. But, riage or relationship, find a
overall, progesterone has mini- physician that is understanding
mum direct benefit on sex- and willing to discuss the matter
ual desire. in a nonjudgmental way. By all
What is it that stim- means, seek some help. Don’t brush
ulates our sexual it under the rug and say, “My spouse
desire? When we are in understands.” You may be surprised to
a new relationship and know that your spouse may not be as
everything is fresh and understanding as you might think.
exciting, our brains
are very stimulat- If you have questions about the information in this
ed. So, the key to article, you may contact Dr. Dent at Complete
sexual desire is Women’s Health Care in Florence. Dr. Dent is
Board Certified in Family Practice and Obstetrics
and Gynecology and also holds an Advanced
Certification in Menopausal Medicine.
121 1/21/10 3:10 PM Page 1
New Spring
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the
sir vey
1. Ronnie Nissen, Florence
“I was definitely the one that got away in my last relationship.
I’ve been happily married to my wife for 39 years now.”
“
I would like to nominate the Staff of First United Methodist year. During the summers, the children are provided with many extracur-
Childcare Center in Marion for She Magazine’s “Chicks of the Month.” ricular activities, projects and field trips. Last summer, they collected alu-
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Darlington Tech locations, send an e-mail telling us why your office or group should be Chicks of the Month to: editor@shemagazine.com
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