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Jones et.

al 1
Emily Jones, Genevieve Ketcham, Bea West-Israel
AP US History, pd. 6
A voting booth (with ballot box and pen inside sits left stage.
Sounds of clanking van/truck approaching offstage.
Enter THREE STOOGES from right stage, MOE, LARRY, and CURLY.
MOE: All right, you louses-CURLY: Isn't it lices?
MOE: Are you callin' me wrong, you balloon-brained imbecile?
CURLY: Nah, I'm callin' ya a lice.
MOE: (smacks CURLY) As I was saying, we're here to do one thing, and one thing only: vote for
the FDR.
LARRY: But what if we don't wanna vote for FDR?
MOE: (smacks LARRY) Who else would ya vote for, ya lamebrain?
LARRY: (throws head back proudly) I'm gonna vote Republican!
MOE: What?
LARRY: Yeah, that Alf London, or maybe Landon, whatever, guy (1). Him. I'm gonna vote for
MOE: You muckracking moron, why would you want to vote Republican!? They caused this
whole mess with their lazy-fair-CURLY: It's laissez-faire.
MOE: (reaches behind him and smacks CURLY without pause) --policies and installant plans
CURLY: Installment plans.
MOE: (turns and eyepokes CURLY) Interrupt me again and I'll moider you.
LARRY (uses this opportunity to speak) Now hold on. That didn't cause this Depression. That
was that Stock Market Crash.
MOE (wheels around to face LARRY again, livid) Exactly! And the policies of those stupid
donkeys caused that!

Jones et. al 2
LARRY: I'm a man of science! I need proof!
MOE (smacks LARRY upside the head) You're not a man of science, you're man of idiotcrisy (idi
ought crisy). Ya need proof, fine, I got two words for you. The Bonus Army.
CURLY: That's three words.
LARRY: The what?
MOE: (in fast succession, hits CURLY and wheels back to LARRY): Shut up, what you do mean
what? We were there! We lived in the tents in D.C. and marched and everything!
CURLY: Oh yeah, I remember that! We wanted our money from fighting in the Great War! And
we still didn't get because the army chased us out! With teargas!
LARRY: Oh yeeeaaah...but what does that have to do with anything?
MOE: Republicans! Hoover, a republican, was the one that ordered the army to chase us out!
The Republicans were the ones who wouldn't give us our money! So don't vote for them!
LARRY: (crosses arm, pouty) Alright, alright. But then who should I vote for?
MOE: FDR, of course-CURLY: (overriding MOE) You should vote for the King Fish!
MOE: Wait, what, no-LARRY: Who's that?
CURLY: Huey Long! He's that guy on the radio! The one from Louisiana that's gonna
redistribute the wealth from the rich to the poor (4). Which is us!
LARRY: That sounds like the answer to all our problems! Yeah, let's vote for him!
MOE: (getting angrier and angrier in the background) YOU CAN'T!
CURLY: (crosses arms and with a superior tone) Name one good reason why not.
MOE: I can name several! One, FDR has done much more than Long ever did, two, Long's not
even running, and three, Long is DEAD (4).
MOE: Precisely. Now, you're gonna vote for FDR, whether you like it or not!
MOE pushes LARRY and CURLY toward the voting booth. CURLY blocks against the door, and
stops MOE from pushing them in)

Jones et. al 3
CURLY: But MOE, why?
MOE: Why what?
LARRY: Why do we gotta vote for FDR? What's so great about him?
MOE: (stops pushing them in shock) What do you mean 'what's so great about him'? He is one of
the greatest men of our time! He's the greatest president since Lincoln!
CURLY and LARRY: But why!?
MOE: Because of his New Deal, you clueless buffoons!
CURLY: (entuiscally) Ooo, a new deal? Alright, where the cards? Who're we playing? What's the
MOE: (hits CURLY) Not a card deal, you onion head, the New Deal! It's a government program
to help the poor and in need!
LARRY: Well then, his program is a flop. We're still poor and in need!
MOE: But we're better off than in the beginning of this Depression! Remember in 1930?
(exasperated) We had to sleep under cars and steal from dogs!
CURLY: Ruff, ruff! We sure showed those dogs!
LARRY: Well, maybe, but how did the New Deal help?
MOE: (hits LARRY) What's the matter with you? Do you rent out your brain for space?
CURLY: Coitainly! I get excellent rates!
LARRY: (defensive) My brain's fine and dandy, thank you very much.
MOE: Aw, shut up. The New Deal is a bunch of programs and acts that help poor, unemployed
people like us! We worked on some of them!
LARRY: Really?
MOE: (smacks LARRY upside the head) The Works Progress Administration, you dimwit.
LARRY: But that thing didn't work! It didn't help anything!
MOE: What are you talkin' about? The WPA helped loads! It employed over 8 million people
LARRY: No, it didn't!

Jones et. al 4
MOE: (smack LARRY) Yes, it did, you moron! Stop spouting nonsense!
LARRY: But, MOE, I'm not! There was something that failed to help, and it had a P, and a W and
an A!
MOE: (smacks LARRY) You dolt, you're thinkin' of the PWA, not the WPA! And while the Public
Works Administration didn't work as well as hoped, the WPA worked much better (2)! And that
was the one we worked on, so it helped us!
CURLY: We sure progressed work on that park, we did!
MOE: (enthusiastically) We built libraries, and schools and hospitals! We were right architects
LARRY: I thought we just painted stuff.
MOE: And we did a damn good job at it!
LARRY: Speaking of dams, wasnt there a dam we worked on? The Boulder Dam or something
MOE: (smacks LARRY) Thats the wrong dam, you nitwit! But yeah, we did some work with the
CURLY: (confused) The TV what now?
MOE: The Tennessee Valley Authority! What, you have rocks for brains? We went to go build
dams in Tennessee, remember (5)? We actual managed to get a building part, but then LARRY
(glares at LARRY, who looks innocent) thoughtd it be a good idea to use thumbtacks instead of
LARRY: (sheepish) Aw, come on Moe, it was an honest mistake.
MOE: Ill mistake you! (strangles LARRY)
CURLY: Now hold on. I still dont know anything about of TVA youse talkin about.
MOE: (pauses in his strangulation of LARRY) What are you talking bout? You were there!
LARRY: (still in choke hold, calmly) Actually, I think he missed the bus on that one.
MOE: Huh. Thats what was wrong with my memory. I wasnt hittin you in it. But still, the TVA
employed almost 9 million people (5)! How'd you miss it?
CURLY: (happily) Im a victim of coicumstance!

Jones et. al 5
MOE: (finally lets go of LARRY and turns to CURLY) Alright, victum of coicumstance, pick
two (holds up a fist).
CURLY: (oblivious, happily complies) One, two!
MOE: (eye pokes CURLY with the two fingers picked out) Now, are ya two finally ready to vote
for FDR?
MOE: (ready to explode, seethes) Why. Not.
LARRY: (shrugs) I just dont wanna.
CURLY: (nodding) Me neither.
MOE: (looks ready to kill both them) You louts are impossible. (almost lunges, which cause
CURLY and LARRY to flinch, but stops and thinks (thinking position). An idea occurs to him and
a fiendish smile spreads across his face. LARRY and CURLY look apprehensive.)
MOE: You wanna know what else FDR did?
LARRY and CURLY: (nod cautiously)
MOE: You remember, back in the 20s, when the Prohibition was going on?
CURLY and LARRY: (shudder in horror and whisper frightfully) The Prohibition.
MOE: (looks smug) FDR was the one who repealed it with the 21st Amendment (3).
(There is a pause. Then, LARRY and CURLY rush towards the voting booth)
CURLY: Me first, me first!
LARRY: Outta the way, ya numbskull! You dont love FDR as much as I do!
MOE: (goes up and shoves CURLY and LARRY aside) Spread out! (looks important and
superior) Im going first.
MOE walks into the voting booth. LARRY and CURLY follow. There is another pause and then
cartoon fighting sounds emit from the booth. Policemen rush in and the THREE STOOGES are
thrown out.
Credits role.
The THREE STOOGES are sitting at a random curb/standing on a random street.

Jones et. al 6
LARRY: Well that was a pain.
CURLY: Id almost say it was a new deal of pain. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
MOE: A punster, aye? (slaps CURLY) Now, boys, voting is our civic duty. We gotta do it. For
DUTY and HUMANITY! (he poses dramatically, then relaxes) Now come on, you lamebrains,
we gotta go find jobs.
Fades out.

Jones et. al 7

1. (election of 1936)

2. (public works administration)
3. (fdr ended prohibition)
4. (curly wants to vote for huey long)
5. (TVA authority somehow skipped Curly)
6. (Hoover Dam)
7. (WPA)