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our PRICE NO. 90 Oct. '64 STICK "EM UP! Yep — in another of their continuing SEER VEnT DURE EGP attempts to separate you from your MORE TRASH FROM money, the Highway Robbers at MAD have come up with a new sensational FREE FULL-COLOR FOLD-OUTBONUS for their latest MAD Annual eS ‘coun oF eo, A ARG aU PAS Sts MAD COMMEMORATIVE STAMPS and ALFRED E. NEUMAN 4 PRESIDENT STAMPS plus A MAD STAMP ALBUM PAGE HERE ARE JUST 3 OF THE 102 FULL-COLOR MAD STAMPS YOU WILL GET... ‘ALFRED E. NEUMAN ihe FY TR. | 0 3 s 3 . vee NO es A ie Eaee J 3; Apresipent ..-ALONG WITH THE USUAL COLLECTION OF GARBAGE FROM PAST ISSUES —IN THE SEVENTH ANNUAL EDITION OF MORE TRASH FROM MAD ON SALE NOW AT YOUR FAVORITE MAGAZINE STAND—AND ALSO AT STANDS YOU DON'T LIKE! NUMBER 90 OCTOBER 1964 VITAL FEATURES ‘The Lighter Side Of Summer Romances. even NY IN EVERDAY Spy Vs, Spy dies : 5 FIREMEN ROCK 'N’ BANK ROLL DEPARTMENT ACCESSORIES MAD's Teenage Idol Promoter Of The Year . WE'D LIKE A Realistic MAD Scrapbook TEENAGE IDOL PROMOTER OF THE YEAR ee i (aah ate th ee rN no Pos JUST BECAUSE YOU MISSED THE LAST ISSUE ON THE NEWSSTAND? SUBSCRIBE TO eG 23 TOD LEZ ID AND GET 9 ISSUES FOR THE PRICE OF 8, ‘OR 24 ISSUES FOR THE PRICE OF 20— MAILED RIGHT TO YOUR HOME! ec esi aoa MAD SUBSCRIPTIONS New Sane Bis, Nov f00z2 [enclose $8:00.** Please enter my name on your sub- ‘stripton Hist, and mal me the nxt 24 Issues of MADE NAME. ADDRESS. LETTERS DEPT. DECLARE YOUR SUPPORT FOR Here's = THE ee BEST MAN = = WITH AN for “ALFRED E. NEUMAN (oXtY iS FOR PRESIDENT” Syce? CAMPAIGN KIT 1 = ASELF-ADHESIVE 4"x17" DAY-GLO BUMPER STICKER © paesipent PLEASE-choko—addrese some correspondence to MAD, Dept, 90, 850 Third Avenue ‘New York, New York 10022 “Wo FULL-CoLOR caupaign Postens [VIAL CAMPAIGN KIT name: IF YOU MISSED SOME OF OUR PAST ACTS OF IDIOCY, YOU CAN CATCH THEM NOW...IN Our “Clowning Achievement” in MAD Paperback Books! (use coupon or duplicate) -— MAD POCKET DEPARTMENT 850 Third Avenue New York City, N. ¥. 10022 PLEASE SEND ME [—) THREE RING MAD ‘ALSO PLEASE SEND ME: [3 The MAD Reader) The ides oF MAD IC MAD Stikes Back Fighting MAD Inside MAD ‘The MAD Frontier Utterly MAD The Voodoo MAB ‘he Brothers MAD) Greasy MAD Stu The Bedside MAD ‘Don Martin Steps Out son oF ao 7 Dan Matin Bounces Beck IE) The Organization MAD Dave Berg Looks At The USA pei |LENGLOSE 50e FOR EACH ALSO PLEASE (2 MAD in opit ‘SEND ME: T ENCLOSE 35¢ NAME. sooRess ony. == = “ZIPCODE. ‘hecho ey oer only _WO GASH acon (On orders shipped ouside U.S.A. odd 10% HITCH YOUR BANDWAGON TO A STAR DEPT. We've noticed that, in recent years, an increasing number of celebrated people have attempted to embark upon political careers: Theodore Bikel, Norman Mailer and Gore Vidal to mention just a few. Recently, astronaut IF CELEBRITIES RAN IF STEVE ALLEN RAN FOR SENATOR Tadies and gentlemen: | TYouknow] — [ Ten'tthat Tee the motoreade | Hust came in on thefirst.[————— what I've sight—Me—r hasfinally arrived— | =| _ | politcal motorcade to ever |aotto save! | senator, and squesing jt 3 speeding ticket! Wi ““Go00-Goo Doll"? Never. . rh | mine the "coo-Goo Dol”! ‘Alot of people think ime running for Senator is a ridiculous sight! 11 Madison | . ‘Well, let's get one thing straight! af “You were expecting the Friday Night Fights — one! And If! wear one, i's because one's ‘and | show up! Well, stick around! ‘appearance has become allimportant in } You've been seeing blood and sweat for so | | winning votes. t's gotten so that having 2 Tong, you may find tears a novelty! Look at | | “good press” is more important from a tailor ional as | | than from newspapers and magazines. And of ling than |_| course, Il never have a good press. ! mean, g copy for the Edsel, so jotot people Ea! newspapers are stil picking on me from my. {jl 'm kind of concerned! instead of a speech, have been asking just where I stand. ‘oming radio show. back in college!” ||| I thinki'll show my home movies! Okay, @)\ Thad a speech prepared fortonight... Sosé—douse the Garden lights! a John Glenn and Oklahoma football coach Bud Wilkinson have each expressed their intent. So it looks like this trend is mushrooming. Which brings us to this article... mainly, what campaign speeches would be like... FOR POLITICAL OFFICE ‘nd now You call L== I" Whatrgnt do UT “Signed Folks, going to read yoursalt you have to go [syne Meadowst intelligence and courage a candidate? |p ampaigning = do tne opt To show you how f cette gcta ven) night = |] What can aay much courage | have, nerve! Where Seven nigntsa || but~sMocKT now going to make one of my do you come week... staying z ‘Funny Phone Calls" I'm off ea show Up ali hours BB) cing toca Khruchehev on biz person wasting peope’s ot tne! How does that running for Time! Why don't grab your fern? Let's see ‘you forget the at's Area Code 71763, vole thing and ‘ stay nome where Just my luek, Mrs. Khrushetey you belong! ‘will answer from a voter who has already ‘ennounced allegiance to my opponent! bynamie Duo"—Zsa Zsa Gabor And how about this aroup—-straignt trom the and Jayne Mansfield | believe that my years in. © "Funny Farm’! Here | am with Oscar Levant, Jonathan Winters and Alexander King. If | Here | am at the Berlin Wall—the incident a Here | am with the " few years back when | got involved with East JGerman troops and our press as usu blew it up out of proportion. f can cause this muchl| me well for handling emotional female political {can handle this group of nuts with diplomacy, controversy as 2 civilian, you can imagine ff leaders like Madame Nhu or Grace Kelly or Queen ff can handle anybody. | mean compared to ary ‘what I'll be capable of as Vice President! Elizabeth if they should start acting up! ‘one of them, Khrushchev is like the nice ‘Actually, | try not to get involved in Foreign litle boy next door! Well, see that no: ‘Affairs I'm afraid my wite wil find out! body's applauding—so I'm getting off this bandwagon! I'm quitting! No—don’t try *9 stop me! Jose... pack up the film settling Gabor Mansfield debates has prepared IF CASSIUS CLAY RAN FOR CONGRESSMAN ll make this press conference short and sweet won't even dignity that Those people have no furnility! re-election, can't be beat! blabbermouth by mentioning They should be grateful for the his name! But | will s3y— opportunity to vate for me! A . Alot Cassius Clay comes along once} Tiiwin the voe ot in 8 century! That's why I'm And he'll be the goat! voters hereto lead them! I'm wiser say than they are I fact ‘Gentlemen, you are looking at the ‘reatest political figure America has ever seen! Washington, Lincoln and Van Buren combined didn’t have ‘one-tenth the ability |havel in fact, I don't know why | confine iysel to just local polities ‘and furthermore ‘At7-00 the votin stand Will beain— erfection ina National Election i a be.no selection but Me! eS a! y ’ F [Everyone | [ Are you kidding!? This may be the first [Liston says: fl Dass this | expects [UNANIMOUS vote in American history!) he's NOT “ge| mean you're | ag é court | mice TS Fr not weg up anything the greatest in everthing J retaenge: LYNDON B, JORNSONtos pootry easing contest ] fac up noting Ass mate of fact~mark this = SONNY LISTON to un againet me or Congress, down am Stepping uty superative actives in each Stny fields Powly, Bong and Pole! And ise 9 hatonge to the supposed “rent” n these fl and CARL SANDBURG—to fight me! Any time! Any place! IF CHARLTON HESTON RAN FOR GOVERNOR Forget that 'm Charlton Heston, the actor! Forget the roles I've played! Don't let that influence you! Judge me only by my qualifications! Only remember that you are in need of a leader in this State— and | am that person! I have come to lead you out of bondage! The bondage of a corrupt, do-nothing State ‘Administration! | have been chosen to lead yout Do Not ask who it was that chose me. lean only say. “somebody very high up"! Hi, guys and gals. "mi glad you could make the scene here in my living room, There m foyer. Goad to see such ’anice turnout. | think you'll agree with me that the new trend is toward the “Urban-Sophisticated-Young-Man ‘Approach’ to politics! In other words, ifyou elect me Mayor, we'll have a IF JERRY ul [Andinow Ta Tadies and here he 's~your next City ‘Dog Catcher . JERRY LEW feentlemen There are elements In this town that are strongly Feed opposed! to me—the ""Old-Guard Conservative: No- 2¢ 4000 fere—and another MMMM Kissing-On-The-Fest-Date” group! To give you an 2300 in idea how way out—conservative-wise-—these cats are, the man they're supporting, my opponent, ‘still wears white socks with a biue suit—and brown sitoes! Now | ask you~ is this the kind of "we want for May quaresulle, U reading the EWIS RAN FOR DO ‘A good State Government must fallow ‘certain rules! | like to think of these rules as “commandments” hhave carved them on these tablets, so you can read them. There happen to be 10 of them. I had time to prepare this while | was confined Up at Mount Sinai Hospital in N.Y. Thy opponent ting pravent ny ‘pparrs roeetna rouge senyrnandeting but say bel ot ‘coed say LET MY PEOPLE VOTE! ‘And now folbw me acres the ake to anottar ray We havent get ost, bt somehow well makes the water Tiayoe wel it acron! Maybe wel swine ino We ay | orede f_ J ‘These Ultra-Conservatives enticize my ‘acties and attempt to censor my Japproach ... the very things | stand for the right to conduct a free and ‘American-type campaign-—something our forefathers would be proud off And ‘now, while my assistants pass out some of my “Combination Camy ‘Do we want our town to be a mecca for G CATCHER ink | broke a whole thi wi ile section crushed! A whole silence? With liver is destroyed! Already | not laughing? The | Injury while campaigning—so what's way you're reacting, gonna be after I'm Dog Catcher? And Think iewould be ‘especially since the dous in this, better to talk to town hate me from anather jab! I was the dogs—and thr | “2 Mailman here fora week! In your crowal life you never saw such a popular MIS-HAPPY HOLIDAY DEPT. Here we go with nswer to the National Safety Council's pre how many people will be involved in what type major catastrophe: THE MAD SAFETY COUNCIL'S PREDICTIONS For The Upcoming Labor Day Weekend) & (How many people will be involved in what-type minor catastrophes) ARTIST: SERGIO ARAGONES WRITER: STAN HART PREDICTION 700509 A sao [4 100010 Bin fame an Y Mets double header on TVe @ el 8 af bets ob a a Ae Gis who wi feet ‘and tonely even thoug? plant olows 9 heir ids whose ips wil be hredsed when they get stuck to frazen Fudgicles, Cars tnat wil be stopped by unmarked police eo for rechess'drivng. ‘Unmarked police cars that will be Stopped by other unmarked police Kids who wall suffer ehovine blur ve Parents who will worry wen they don't eae ther chil setting off the Camp Tran Parents who wil heer when ‘hey don't see their ed gottng off te Camp Tain. Women who wil suffer heat prostration i ecg vk cet Yay tela wien temperature ts inthe People wh will vow to set together with their Surmmer acquaintances over tho Winter acquaintances over the Winter TWO ON THE ISLE DEPT, oe EON ee IS by Sir William S. Grlbore adapted and illustrated by Sir Den Jfartin The Ballyshannon foundered off the coust of Cariboo, ‘And down in fathoms many went the eapain and the erew Down went the owners—greedy men whom hope of gain allured: ‘Oh, dry the staring tear, for they were heavily insured These passengers, by reason oftheir clinging to a mast Upon a desert island were eventually cast They hunted for theit meals, as ALEXANDER SetKInK® used, But they couldnt chat together—they had not been introduced. (On Peter's portion grew-—a delicacy rare, But oysters were a delicacy Pever couldn't be (On Sostens' side was turtle, on the shingle lying thick, Which Soxcers couldn't eat, because it always made him sek. aes ‘Young Peres Gi And Somens, who from Eastern shores imported indigo, For Pevsx Gna, and SosteRs too, though certainly in trade, Were properly particular about the friends they made; And somehow thus they settled it without a word af mouth— That Gray should take the northera balf, While Sostens took the south ‘Gray gnashed his teth with envy as he saw a mighty store (Of tule unmolested on his fllow-creature’s shore. ‘The oysters at his fet aside impatiently he shoved, For turtle and his mother were the only things he loved. ‘Andi Sostens sighed in sorrow as he settled in the South, How they 's oysters brought water to his mouth. When on board To think how Tit wa G \ * enc aH CHUMP) a} i They lived for many years on that inhospitable shore, |And day by day they learned fo love each other more and more AL last, o their astonishment, on getting up one day They saw a frigate anchored in the offing ofthe bay. As both the happy setlers roared with laughter atthe joke, They recognized a gentlemanly fellow pulling stroke: “Twas Romivso%—a convict, jn an unbesoming frock! ‘Condemned to seven years for misappropriating sock!!! AA fist they didn’t quarrel very openly I've heard: “They nodded when they met, and now and then exchanged a word; The word grew rare, and rare still the nodding of the head, ‘And when they meet each other now, they cut each other dead. ‘But all their joys were scattered in a moment when they found ‘The vessel was a convict sbip from Port! ‘When a boat came off 0 ft though they fet it very To go on board they firmly but respectfully destined, They laughed no more, for Sostens thought the had been rather rast In knowing one whose friend had misappropriated cash And Petex thought a feolish tack he mis have gone upon ‘In making the acquaintance ofa friend of ROWINSON. To allocate the island thoy agreed by word of mouth, ‘And PETER takes the north again, and Somens takes the south, ‘And Perex has the oysters, which he hates in layers thick, urtle always makes him sick, FACE-LIFTING DEPT. ‘few issues back, we ran a “Strange Interlude With Hazey" to show that there's a big difference between the way people talk and the wey they actually feel! You'll remember (unless you were 2 fink and didn't buy that issuel) that Hazey and the people she worked for had masks or personnas which they presented to the outside STRANGE INTERLUDE A STRANGE INTERLUDE WITH A BABYSITTER “Thank you so much for | l enjoyed taking care of your They didn’t give you_| ‘Oh, no! They just woke up = oa os — 1 —— Don’t get swelled head, kid! | You gotta be creative to Thope they drove her erazy! need | [ Butafter an hour A STRANGE INTERLUDE AT A FAMILY REUNION Business is pretty good! | | well...tike! | [remember you when you |_| Yeah But don't get me wrong— | | always say—money ware only three feet hi tire fies itisn’t that great! isn’t everything! I ‘don’t it [iesvtentiimte tonne |_| Vaheyeany tare 7 t failure—but he shouldn't think poorer relatives! If | ies rentic ad to sie Mi. (Anil | reeromtiet yom when ‘want to borrow money from him! they'd think | was crazy! hubcaps on my car are safe! how you've shrivel B worl, while their real thoughts were spoken only to us. Well, in retrospect, we know darn few people who hhave maids lke Hazey, so we'd like to show you how this “Strange Interlude” gimmick would work in situations that are closer to real life (in adltion to the fact that new ideas are hard to come by!) Here, then, is 3 IN EVERYDAY LIFE ''m glad you helped yourseit | [ Oh, | stumbied on it hope you accomplished Oh, | did quite a bit! | find | ‘She thinks I'm falling for that old Lots more than my ‘schoolbook routine, But | can feel folks would let me How did she ever find that cake? | | | found it when 1 locked the that the TV set still warm, and do... lke dancing, ‘hid itn the bedroom closet! | | kids in the bedroom closet! ean see the dents in the sofa! smoking and necking! Too bad we only get together for |_| We should see more of You remember my daughter, Cynthia! || Too bad we lose track of family reunions! if you're ever | | each other! That's why ‘She graduated Radcliffe, took her | | each other! With summers in our neighborhood, drop int ‘Tnever miss one of Masters at Columbia and her Ph.D. ||" in Maine and winters in ‘You know our adress | |. these family atairet at Cal Tech. Now she has a very || Palm Beach, we don’t see | a Important job with the U.N. too many relatives! Hmmm... maybe ll yell “Fire” Of course, that’s our old |mi{ Actually, | hate them | only i ae address, so can afford come in seltdetense! Other Soh eee intra toextend the invitationt | | wise, they'll all talk about met siearp outset oes aici Comnec A STRANGE INTERLUDE WITH A DENTIST ‘Well, welll Ws time for your semi-annual checkup! Tlove coming here because | you're such a good dentist Do those $15 Xrays Yes, you can see how ‘bad your teeth are! show where Ihave at A= Its also time for those litte holes I riled into your teeth 6 months ago to have developed into cavities! cate care don't need X-rayst | iknow where the decay ist Under the 13 filings he putin the last time! ‘Actually, you can see how] bad my wife's tecth are! ‘They're her X-rays! | pass them off on all my patients! A STRANG E INTERLUDE WITH A GRADE ADVISOR thought 'd better see you about my work—maybe you ca help mel You see, my folks ‘don’t understand me Him! Wel, your marks 1n|_| aren't too good! You may have trouble getting In toa top-noteh college! Weil, i’s dificult trying ] to study in my home with that TV set going full blast day and night! to going to one of those smaller, more exclusive Have you given any thought ‘Out-of town colleges? “Lunch” and "Home Room’ ‘Namely, they don't understand how {can fal subjects lke ng back into high schoolt Especially since I'm the ‘one who's watching it Let's see... there's onein | sacgeyin ice rh ke A STRANGE INTERLUDE WITH A BLIND DATE Hello! My mother met your mother inthe beauty parlor,and she | on... you must be Sian im so [nso temeet eu What a beast! That “Beware ‘of Dog” sign shouldn't be ‘onthe lawn! It should be here... .on the front door! So this isthe boy who my Mother said had everything! ‘She must have been talking ‘about his skin condition! they look so cute hiding behind the curtains like that! Would you te to dosomething | [ Oh. anything you'd ie | Mike go fora wala Te dove tine th ma LS Sill Z Tit we take a walk, | hope it's down a dark street— ‘ot for romance, but for Drestige! I don twant to be-seen with this creep! [ New hie wont hur a BH Just | ‘open upa little wider, please Hmm! That upper left bicuspid | [ Gee, I sure worries me... but think | hope you might be able to save it! can fix itt Talways tell them to open wider! That way their jaws ache so much, they don’t feel the agonizing pain when my drill lips and hits a nerve! Tewon't hurt? This guy kills me when he just ‘leans my teeth! Watch! Hell Especial since there's nothing wrong with YET! | putin a temporary filling 50 ] [il have to keep coming back for weeks! Those filings are scientifically designed tofall out as soon as | leave his office! | Shes \ nother words, is there ‘a good college that. specializes in “Shop”? At the rate he's going, hell need special tutoring to quality as a Drop-Out! = and if you ever have any more problems, you'l find ms That's because I've left the office can’t waste valuable time on gooty kids we need help and advice ai the time! | Mainly, how come a college education is ‘equired to get an idiotic job tke yours? not hungry either! "tm not hungry, but you'd like ‘Something to eat, we can goin heret ‘hope nat! if | spend money on her, she'll expect me t kiss her goodnight... and | couldn't do that on a full stomach! ‘Not much! Before he came, ‘Thad butterflies in my stomach—which is more than | have there now! yi Come to think of it, this was the best date l've had in iS | months! it’s great to meet someone who's really you Thad fun, too, Stanley! ] [hope ! can see yo) JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART | SSS JHE BERTH OF THE BLUES DEPT. ‘Most people keep scrapbooks with mementoes of wonderful bygone years that were full of joy and happiness. But who said the past is alvays full of sweetness and light? Answer this—How are you feeling right now? Rotten, hah? Sure you do! That's why we'd like to see more honest collections of souvenirs from the past— including those that cover the miserable experiences, too! Something like this example we dug up recently Ce, Seek REALISTIC Vv a= ee SCRAPBOOK OA ee ee ARTIST: SOB CLARKE WRITER: STAN HART ‘THE SIXTH GRADE CLASS = presents, © A MUSICAL SALUTE TO ARBOR DAY starring! ‘MuccERA as THE Wet By ACT 1 Tn A Gorden Soto 2 Dust Dore Meee & Finster Hagen Trio Exnie Fumpter, Finstor Hagen & . aoe Echoing ob aed @ ify fast puble pofrmarce-and Cas Oe hoped Youd OE anag mp Mut Boe cd, wed famores foc wang he han ch ohachad. Uht Clee atta Teale Shank and Steal” t= cae go ashamed, fat), al Gack, ol was duspraid Lats for a Fuchle Const rhe To The Sweetest nig fe oe Girl Ju The VD (AN) Ve Oo Wet gZy lor 5 a “19 Seyi eVaoncitans Day , , diye totes, wad a Vy fast tie with rb! Us ne Lash das wih Bot boo dd f wwcopugel fic my jolts tar that naphen! (np Fillies Aeanduriiing wae Juware ‘ORCHESTRA $8.60 4gsTRA $8.60 y el wais3H? saHou0 Dae pee OG Fr cl leplid forward le Heryght! es Pz i igus bse Get an Mel, Weary and? a a te fache, Thing me 1 ful ai Me ‘ae! =— 7 ed pen that RAFFLE! RAFFLE! aes Sponsored by | thndunalily, sh ioas—S THE YOUNG PEOPLE'S LeaGuE = IA —— " Gott gre ie aad, fadys TO CLEAN UP THEM anton PEOPLE'S LEAGUES W\ngiiionend fal? ed A Luxurious, Expensive MINK JACKET SUBSCRIPTION PRICE 25¢ —5 FOR $1.00 Drawing to be held June 25th, 1964 | WINNER MUST BE PRESENT AT DRAWING IN ORDER TO CLAIM PRIZE 4 No. K 8950 | = = . Hid it the we if, gaff Tachst! oh draghe the pire uber sh tely tpeitc aif (iiro pets M7 the guctddiane uate, cl LIE mag GO TS is Oe ee EXTRA-SENSELESS RECEPTION DEPT. Have you noticed that most TV shows have very peculiar titles? Take f'rinstance “The Eleventh Hour”. From the title, you might expect to see “The News”. After all, that’s MISLEADING IF YOU SAW THIS TV SHOW ..-THIS IS WHAT YOU'D TITLE FOR THE FIRST TIME EXPECT IT TO BE ABOUT- Mainly because this ttle sounds like it's a show about kids asking questions they really want answers TV hasn't grown up enough for that quite yet. So they ask questions everyone expects nice young kids to ask FROM THIS TV SHOW TITLE... ‘OU MIGHT EXPECT THIS— WAGON pases tely A tite like this brings to mind a show about commuters who endure the ultimate in delapidation on their daily ‘tips 10 the city from their suburban havens instead of a pedestrian Western travelling a well-beaten plot path. EAST SIDE WEST the only thing that’s on at Eleven P.M. Turns out it’s a show about Psychiatrists and it goes on at Ten P.M. If you think that’s bad, here are some other shows with TV TITLES AND IF YOU SAW THIS TV :.-THIS IS WHAT YOU'D TITLE FOR THE FIRST TIME EXPECT IT TO BE ABOUT-— film cock TT oe ce ‘Mainly because thoughts of an unusual Western religious program are conjured up by the ttle of this show—but ‘tums out to be just another one of those “Oatburners” that hasn't got a prayer of entertaining anyone over 10, AND FROM THIS TV TITLE... Aa ‘That's right! Tt sounds like a show about 77 nuts who disrobe at sundown. Actually, it's a brilliant detective series that gave us such wonderfully dramatic moments as Kookie Byrnes combing his hair. Now you get the ideat I've Got # Secret The Farmer’s Daughter Bachelor Father ~ SOCIETY iT i ir nature |} | | LOVE} : | | | es La yOu ASKED FOR (7 PASSWORD Pantomime ae oe Fase DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, WE ARE ELIMINATING ALL COMMERCIALS ON THIS TV SHOW PERMANENTLY ‘TALK OF THE TOWN DEPT. In this, its third installment, “The MAD Information Service” TH o Sl G HTS continues to inform Americans about America — by presenting \\) Hey! Thish ish ish ‘Yeah! He couldn't reach ainful? }| the slot machine handle while they were operating! eecomenon : Seti \S bay J wares prom ‘singer like yo as Vegas? anD SOUNDS Faas Nevada = Room Service? V0 ike a pack z ofcigarettes— \| Sorry, sir—we 2 "§ @ newspaper— don't give chips ‘on eredit! A j E Do you know where Frank Sinatra 6 Forget it! We and hs new fomele dancing Forgot it We discovery sre payin tonight? s ive eal at's go see the oor iow at I LZ the Sands! They've got Danny Kaye, Judy Garand, Jock Benny, The Beatles. andthe Ringing Brothers Barnum & Why not wait Pl ‘il the TAKE ME TO YOUR LADDER DEPT. A MAD LOOK ! se 1O— @ on, oS Tn a 4 ae a. ne Sales ® as SA Th its mete Co 54 = HOLLYWOOD DEPT. ed ade ak eo’, c ‘ike to ‘d of s wm & ) SON Vo After The Ball BERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPT. THE LIGHTER SIDE OF f you're so ga-ga over that Barbara Buffington happen to know she's gonna be hiking up at ‘Arthur Lake today! Why, Barbara Buffington 1! What a surprise! Fancy ‘meeting you here Don't be ridiculous, Marciat IT went into the water, my halr would get wet, ang then it would look all stringy ‘and then the boys ‘and they wouldn't wouldn't be attracted THROW me in the by my carefully-combed water hair-do Looks tke Kay isn't gonna My name's Harold (500) fs my boy friend, Dick Tm Hetherington! He's tal, he’ handsome, he's intelligent. he’s kind, he's generous, he's polite, and he loves me as much as | love him! ce) yout }[ ove yout} | such a lovel This is Trove) (And 1) [Never has there been |" My love for you is as deep as the The problem is: haven't got a single good reason ‘to break off with What ashame the} of Andi ‘Summer wil be | | be going love made in Heaven || seal The more | Tier sana Gecko oy ‘with achorus of || give, the more | rier ein angels singing, and a | have! We are soul- || back nome to my | f| Girlfriend, thousand harps strum-|| mates! Our love is. ming rating | | a many-splendorea this beautiful union! Who's taking Tom Savage You to the a creer? !!! | | dreamboatt fre you nuts or something? He's gorgeous! Boy—did | have a Summer! | GIRLS! ‘GIRLS! ! GIRLS!!! | ad to beat ‘them off with @ stick! Take 2 gander at these photos Winter Boyfriend, What a (Oh, Myrna—thera's a bunk Tom Savage here for yout | don’t know this boy-—what's he Tike? and those are only the REJECTS !! ‘and according to the unwritten rules, it’s time for the ‘Mid-Summer Switch !! But—in the meantime— THIS IS THE REAL THING! YEAH! ‘Mom-—he's the most gorgeous, dreamboat, hunk of man . If these are the rejects, lemme see the WINNERS |! No, Tom! 1 never kiss ‘a boy on the first date ! 1 Hi, Sis! Say—I hed such 2 great time on my date tonight that im feeling generous! 0 you can have my collection of Frank Sinatra records that you always wanted | Yeah! Looks like he got Judy to kiss him on the first date ‘Mommy! Mommy! ten't it wonderful |? WALLY FURMAN LOVES ME! ! HE JUST THREW ROCK AT ME! [LISTEN EVERYBODY! | JUST SAW ‘THEM! THE BOYS ARE COMING. TO RAID THE GIRLS’ CAMP I ‘Naw... you're too young! LOCK ALL THE WINDOWS! RACKETS FOR WEAPONS! LL PROP THIS CHAIR UP AGAINST THE DOOR, AND— Hey! These are @ bunch of DOGS! If you ‘ask me, I'd rather have the REJECTS !! HEY! ARENT YOU GET SOME BATS AND TENNIS| | GONNA HELP GET READY FOR "EM 2? ‘$0 would I! Mainly because they're the ones who rejected ME! FROM HAIR TO ABSURDITY DEPT. ‘The fantastic success of the “Beatle-Wig"’ fad started us thinking— ag no small feat in itself—and led us to conclude: Here is a whole rx nw Oe =) new area of jerky promotion gimmicks that has not yet been tapped et ET NCE] bay jerky promoters. if Beatle fans will buy dopey-looking Beatle ann 99 - THE BARBRA STREISAND NOSE Picture of a kid wearing Bre Soret Cred :ture of kid weat bie rer Preity Poet eee no Wigs in order to look like their idols, why wouldn't, say, Sam Jaffee fans buy dopey-looking Dr. Zorba Wigs in order to look like him? In fact, why stop at the hairline? How about false noses and ears and teeth and chins? In other words, how about selling these MERCHANDISING GIMMICKS THE KIRK DOUGLAS CHIN eee Rr et i rrr PR Cee coerce Lin ee eeu ieee red Rue cea rieee iy parecer urns tid Pe ese nencon y ei peer eter amet DRAG-STRIP DEPT. AN INCIDENT. DON MARTIN DEPT. PART! THE will no doubt be my greatest it"CATTLE IN PASTURE"! at ya y SAK: \ <= St i a @L-3 2 A iy ch + J Ee pcs N UNDSCHPEY/ f aig) GADGET GOES TO DETROIT DEPT. Whenever anyone buys a new car, he’s got to add to the original lump that comes from Detroit. These addi- tions are known as accessories. MAD feels that many of these accessories are frivolous doodads that do little to solve many of the problems of modern motoring. Accordingly, here are our suggestions for advancing the art of “optional-at-extra-cost” gadgetry— PROBLEM: Getting into tight parking spaces. PROBLEM: thoughtless clods who discard trash, garbage and other junk along highways, defacing the green countryside. ‘ ie SOLUTION: “PARKING BALLOON” Helium filled balloon pops out of compartment in roof and lifts car off ground slighty. Driver pushes car into the tight space sideways. Balloon deflates at push of button ‘and helium returns to trunk storage tank for future use, SOLUTION: “GARBAGE DISGUISER-DISPOSAL” This unit compresses litter into neat bundles, dyes them green, and ejects them off road where they aren't noticed, ‘SOLUTION: “SEAT BELT STARTER-LINK” Seat belt buckle is wired to the ignition system so that the car cannot be started without fastening the seat belt. a Be. CCESSOFR aS EE iT'oQO> sEE sare nace PROBLEM: briver-frustration at not being able to make SOLUTION: “DIRECTIONAL P.A. INSULT-HORN” their angry denunciations of idiots heard over noise of traffic. High-gain self-amplified speaker points in any direction. nn, EY STUPID GDIOT aN THE GREEN esalenmarng! ‘SOLUTION: “TAIL-GATE BLASTER” Device releases foul-smelling cloud from rear of your ear Which is sucked into following car's ventilating system, ‘causing olfactory discomfort, discouraging close pursult. PROBLEM: cigarette butts smouldering in ash trays. SOLUTION: “AUTOMATIC BUTT-DOUSER” Special squirter hooked up to automatic windshield-washer hose and tank douses foul-smelling butt at touch of button PROBLEM: Getting in and out of these ridiculously low silhouette cars of today without spraning a leg or your spine. PROBLEM: oifficulty in setting romantic mood when you take your girl for a drive and you park behind the Pickle Works. PROBLEM: opening car windows to pay toll collectors, gas station men, cops, etc. during cold, windy, rainy or snowy weather, PROBLEM: the boring sight of so many look-alike Volkswagens, which gets worse and worse each year. SOLUTION: “ELECTRIC ROLL-OUT SEATS” (Car seats are attached to rollers or tracks, and slide out like drawers, Driver activates seat in or out with switch: SOLUTION: “RETRACTABLE SCENE-SETTER” Pop-up projectar and screen provides aporopriate romantic atmasphere no matter how squalid the actual surroundings. ‘SOLUTION: “THERMO-PORT” Flexible little portholes in doors Keep bad weather out. SOLUTION: “VOLKSWAGEN COSTUME JEWELRY” Clever, tasteful accessories to make Volkswagens look different from one another, and relieve the monotony. PROBLEM: Jerks who fall asleep at ‘the wheel, causing innumerable wrecks. ‘SOLUTION: “SLEEP-STOPPER” Adjustable rod attaches if driver begins to nod ap torhorn ring on wheel and forward, rod pushes horn rests on driver's chest. ring. .. and horn blows. PROBLEM: passing amusement parks and ice eream stands SOLUTION: “REMOTE CONTROL SIDE WINDOW BLINDS” while traveling with kids who demand that you stop at every one. Blinds shoot up to cover side windows whenever driver o; spots one of these places coming up and presses button. SOLUTION: “DOG SQUIRTER” High-pressure nozzle operated from dashboard stops this PROBLEM: Votkswagen onners who want to show that they're driving @ new one, nat an old one with a new paint job JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART I ROCK 'N’ BANK ROLL DEPT. Okay, gang! It’s time (you should pardon the expression) to “face the music” as we interview: MAD’S TEENAGE IDOL PROMOTER OF THE YEAR ARTIST: MORT DRUCKER WRITERS: LARRY SIEGEL i Tellin Ghet une, hee two y Herb—os the dscovrer end manager fod to wht do Pell \ Iie tse | “Snottthecumyeeusann [ven coe-at or] are [he igs: A has just been selected as "MAD's | Teenage Idols, would youtellushow | iifet'venadthe || this uncanny |) “payehic ‘Teenage Idol Promoter Of The Year”— | you happened to get into this business? |} uncanny gift for ait? |) clairvoyant picking out the kind land mainly, tm ‘of music that — f i ll Chet, with my talent, leantake any boy == , Oh, boy, Chet— ‘and tum him into an overnight singing Theveno objections, |) Ths at's ent | Sensation, For example, that kid over to become the EVERYTHING | there, Did you ever see sucha less singing idol || SPrOWAINE €908 | oe against likely looking Cancidate to become an che . efrmiions ot || mot imerere with | | idol of Teenagers~someone toy can f0ok teonagerst_|| *ehwok my job at the to, admire and respect? i ; eee | Lancelot Fr Healthy! ‘See that coat, Chet? We ones offered itto Elvi ae James Dean Memorial “These are Oficial Frankie Nirvana Wigs i and net around $5,000,000 with them! [Pico |] Frankie has» ][ Dent worry. chet! | What's for your || beautiful singing || I'l make him 9 ‘eat | natye. | voice, HerotHe: | singing star in vores enunciates || SPITE of tt Just ace T| ,pertectiy, ane] wait tit my Hers? he knows how to |} singing coach gets read musie! — || through with him! A That's real good money! That's more than | ‘Tordinarily make in'@ whole month? ‘But why not leave Frankie for 3 while, and I'l show you around the rest of my. operation heret | In here, we conduct classes for young girls. When these itl You, Myrtle | students graduate, they are |! can't hear pout You ‘assigned to follow various ‘sound ihe & Teenage Idols arcund the |] miserable ambulance country and lead the mighty “Teenage Screaming And Clothes-Tearing Brigades”! still can't see your epigittis! This is our Recording Studio, Chet. It has an ingenious weal Jccho Chamber neh mois | | en other words $Moonao! J sound tremendously. It's great | iat hid hat = weak Bisby oo. | es ee whispering the words! F And tell me, Peggy! Just what are you doing? V'm tearing the clothes off this dummy, Mr. Furdh i No—he's weak at whispering, too! He's merely THINKING the words! This “Echo Chamber" will ick up ANYTHING! ‘This is our Movie Studio, Chet. In here, we flim our quickie "Rock ' Roll Movies.” You're justin time Telephone Pole’ You call that tearing? Is that hhow you're going to tear when you get cout into the warid? You left on half a trouser leg, almost 2 full shirt sleeve, ‘and a whole eart Ilo r Then the Rock in’ Roll || Well they savethe | | That looks |} One sconelt You saw Okay, Mayor tells them he's | pole, and then they| |, lean || them fimthewhole, |! Chet going to tear down their | all Rock'n’ Roll interesting || _ movie, chet! Our” || what do poletomakewayfora. across town to ove, Herb, || Rock 'n’ Roll movies || you say we thin apartment fouse. So p watch Bobby Vinton tim sorry || | only take three or ||" go back Tae tet tharr” | “esne sworn ines’ | | wecouldn't |] four minutes to make. | and see friends to stagea Rock | Secretary-General | | waten them |/ The budget on that | 'n' Roll Concert around | ofthe United film more || one was $112.87 and their pole in order to. |) Nations. Al right— than thet raise money tokeep it || places, please. one scenel from being torn down, J) Lghts—cemera— ‘action! Tommy, a young Rock’ Roll Neuro: surgeon, meets Connie, 3 lovely Rock in’ Roll CChiropodist, near 2 corner telephone pole They dance for awhile, fall In love, and dec tocall it “thelr pole” lane ea bet ato Sinanesenie May Rineet ea a Sige ete eee 2 ne ee eau eat mee ee hoagie | ue emer See en erate Se of audition? These | Armanelou | Hehes i eo Tat unt Tat pal as node we | Asemtas | Sone | | Sie | "ig thad we [entttens ofeanage ie, Wee p| tremendous! singer! quality that does | Frankie Nirvana | | learned after years of experience auth wera, | “irwmsneot | || | at tine sree coete ie tanragec het ahd van ‘er bere vit fos paotiod Fae ve err hs orsuray falta rate tat bexun Fane a ohn oy oy ete thy ony eta all, Chet! But for every Frankie Nirvana who falls, thece are dozens who make It big. Before you go, though, a like you to meet someone who I think is ‘oing to be the greatest Teenage singing ‘sensation inthe °50's, the Number One Idol was Elvis Presley. He was ‘much more earthier and much more primitive than Frank Sinatrat Ws interesting [In the ’20's and ‘30's, -) Inthe 40's, a new sensation | the great Singing Idi |] eame along. He wasn’t nearly was Rudy Vallee here— || as clean-cut as Vallee. He was 2 lot earthior and cruder. His aoe tne" || “namewssFran Sina" | Then of course. along, came the Beatles in the '60's. They were the wildest and most primitive singers of them all more savage and more unchilized. So now, 1d like you to meet the next Teenage Singing Sensation - (No! No! You're Yo you hot sturring f your words Ugeacoh Ooka-ckk, gga oxze, 00k-000K! enough, Sol! Thee: he looks, moronle enough Hey! We can have sereaming Teenage girls throw Jelly || | What's Sot's schedule for || } “his debut | Let's see... Saturday, he records ‘Ooggs-Eech! Sunday, he sings it on the Ed Sullivan Show! Monday, his record isa sellout, and he plays Las Vegas! Tuesday, Ne does a one-man cconcert at Carnegie Halll Wednesday, he plays a Command Performance for ‘The President! Thursday, he Beans athim! | t Don't be an idiot! That's the Beatle’s bit We're gonna, have ‘em throw BANANAS at him! DON MARTIN DEPT. PART It THE MESSAGE Ths from Muggaguboo, Chief! He says Preposterous! Tell him |thinkhe's a your son rar off with his daughter, silly ld mant | happen to know my son ‘and unless she's returned by morning, ishome studying, and that my son itmeans WAR! wouldn't have anything to do with his Ugly idiot caught in the frst place! deobA DoowA DEEBEDEEBE rm oie -De°Bh Doosn E68 Deeb vit. gp” semi, Deoosa Dest DeeseDete 5 y/ . an 7 WAI ooBa loo! mesg ~~ NI o ene DB ee LANE Qa r \ THIS ISSUE’S ECONOMY-MINDED, BLACK-AND-WHITE, ONE PAGE MAD FOLD-IN Millions of people who suffer from dread diseases and disorders are H praying that cures will be found in time to save them, Scientists Hl and researchers, employed by American Industry, are aware of this. i Rest assured they know what is really important, and will dedicate i themselves to finding solutions. Now fold page in and you will see: FOLD PAGE OVER LIKE THIS THE NEXT SCIENTIFIC-MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH THAT MILLIONS: OF DOLLARS WiLL BE SPENT TO DISCOVER FOLD THIS SECTION OVERTOLEFT 4B FOLD BACK SO “A" MEETS “a” SCARLET FEVER TUBERCULOSIS ARTHRITIS HEART DISEASE FLU CONJUNCTIVITIS ENCEPHALITIS BERI-BERI LETHARGICA DYSENTERY CHOLERA HAY FEVER INFANTILE PARALYSIS VARICOSE VEINS GRIPPE PELLAGRA ASTHMA SEVEN YEAR ITCH RHEUMATISM PNEUMONIA EDEMA 4AD ADDICTION TYPHUS ALFRED TETANUS. EPILEPSY = SHINGLE & THE HEALTH OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, CRIPPLED AND SICK WITH ALL THEM TERRIBLE DISEASES AND DISORDERS AND (YECCH!) OTHER THINGS! THIS IS WHAT AMERICAN INDUSTRY'S SCIENTISTS KNOW IS REALLY IMPORTANT! VRSES Aerio netece pw Ee cae THERE ARE THREE BLECCH SHAMPOOS FOR THREE DIFFERENT HAIR CONDITIONS For dry hair—a special formula that takes neat crew-cut type hair and lays | it down over your ears. « For oily hair =loosens up that slick-combing stuff 80 it spills down over your-eyes. ® For normal hair—gives it proper body so it mushrooms all over your head. Get the shampoo it for you, and make your hair “Blech”! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Are you a teenage boy with Beautiful a Hair? Well no wonder the girls hardly notice you. Today, you've got to be a teenage boy with Blech hair. Then the girls will scream with delight, roll on the floor and kick their feet when they see you. So why waste another minute? | Shampoo your hair with Blech tonight. Blech comes in three special formulas: