For the Major Revision, I decided to focus on MWA three, because I felt I could make it

even stronger if I had feedback and was able to work on it longer. To me, MWA three was the
easiest to present to the audience since it was just analyzing ethos, pathos and logos. Since
analyzing these rhetorical strategies is one of my strong points in writing, I felt that it was not
analyzed enough in depth as I could have gone. This is one of the main reasons why I chose to
revise this MWA instead of the other two MWAs. Also, since it did not require me to spend
much time editing it, it was the easiest choice I could make. The revisions that I made focused on
clarity and grammar.
When focusing on clarity I wanted to make sure that I gave enough information
surrounding the quotes. In other words , before I gave a quote I introduced it and I connected it
to how it added one of the strategies. Originally, I thought that I had done this for each of my
quotes, but after I had gotten back my graded paper it was pointed out that I needed to expand
more. For example on the way in which Coleman establishes her ethos first of all, is by saying,
as a president of a leading liberal arts college.( Coleman, Ted Talk) I thought that had
explained enough, but I added, by telling her audience that she is the president of Bennington
shows that she is very well educated on the topic she is presenting.(MWA 3) Also by going to
CAPS there was another sentence that I had to explain. It was her ideas also build on top of
each other from the beginning of the issue, to the need for change and the ways she is trying to
resolve the issue, to gaining awareness to the inventing liberal arts education.(MWA 3) These
were the only two quotes that I felt I did not elaborate enough on, in order to give the audience
clarity.
In my ethos and logos paragraphs there were ideas that I hinted at but really never
explained. For example when I was talking about fear I never explained how the quote brought

fear to the audience so I went back and tied everything together. As seen here this is also meant
to bring in fear by showing students that American secondary education is not as strong as
everyone thinks it is, but in as a reality to the students it is used as a turning point. (SWA 3)
Another point that I did not know, was to take out the (1), since the source was not from a book
or a page number and the Ted Talk was the only thing that I was quoting it was not necessary to
add it.
The last problem that I fixed which helped add to the understanding of the paper was to
break up my pathos and logos paragraph into three paragraphs. Originally, I was more worried
about staying within the four page limit than clarity on the overall paper. Through the feedback I
got from Mrs. Potter I realized that clarity was more important than staying within the page limit.
I also did not notice that I was trying to put multiple different topics in these paragraphs all
together which just overwhelmed the audience. Most of these changes may seem minuscule in
the overall essay, but when looking back on it without these changes the clarity is not as strong
as it could be.
Throughout the semester I have seen great improvement in my grammar, but there were a
few direct lines that I had to fix. For example ,using the strong and high academic vernacular,
this is directly connected to her audience of high secondary education.(MWA 3) I was
commented on by you that you do not separate your subject (another way she establishes ethos)
and your verb (is) with a comma. Also, through CAPS I found a very unclear usage of a quote
and the wording of the sentence. At first it looked like this over the past century the expert has
dethroned the educated generalist to become the sole model of intellectual
accomplishment.(Coleman, Ted Talk) This allows the continuing of the path of the liberal arts
and the way it is in the present day.(MWA 3) I had to introduce the quote and connect my

ideas together to form the reason is shown by over the past century the expert has dethroned
the educated generalist to become the sole model of intellectual accomplishment (Coleman, Ted
Talk) which shows where the path of the liberal arts came from and the way it is in the present
day.(MWA 3) Without fixing these sentences the flow of the paragraphs were not so clear.
Also there were a few direct sentences that needed to be fixed since they did not flow
well together In the Ted Talk, A call to reinvent liberal arts education by Liz Coleman
discusses. And this shows the reason for the leading educators from Eastern Europe and
Russia came to America to use our colleges as a leading model for the reinvestments of liberal
arts.( Coleman, Ted Talk) The changes in the new version are visible. Lastly, I was not sure
how to fix the dashes in this sentence, in truth, liberal arts education no longer exists -- at least
genuine liberal arts education -- in this country.(Coleman, Ted Talk) So, I had to look up how to
correct them. I also whet to CAPS to get my paper looked at and most of my changes were
directly deleting out lengthy sentences and rewording sentences.
Without these corrections the overall clarity of the analysis would not be as strong as it
could be. Adding more explanation around my quotes, fixing my grammar mistakes, and
breaking up paragraphs adds to the flow and clarity of the overall paper. It becomes even better
than before. I felt that I had a sufficient amount of quotes, and they all added to support the
understanding of ethos, pathos and logos. Adding more would just overwhelm the audience. The
effect that these previously mentioned changes helps the audience establish a better
understanding of how each of the rhetorical strategies adds to Liz Colemans talk ,and more
importantly in the greater aspect of convincing an audience to agree to what you believe in.