1. Stop complaining about whats missing.

Instead, be grateful for what you alread

y have.
2. Stop being a jerk to people you love. Instead, open up about whats bothering y
ou deep inside.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others, because youll never feel good enough. Inste
ad, focus on your strengths and let them shine.
4. Stop pushing people away with your criticism. Instead, accept your imperfecti
ons and acknowledge theirs as well.
5. Stop living in your past. Instead, forgive yourself and those who caused you
pain and move on.
6. Stop seeking peoples approval, because youll always feel that somethings missing
. Instead, believe in yourself and focus on what makes you happy.
7. Stop blaming others for your unhappiness, because youre the author of your lif
e. Instead, put a plan together to create the life that you want.
8. Stop beating yourself up when you make mistakes. Instead, use them as an oppo
rtunity to grow.
9. Stop falling into your bad habits. Instead, create new ones that will help yo
u achieve your goals.
10. Stop wasting your life on Facebook and on TV. Instead, find new passions tha
t will nurture you.
11. Stop living other peoples dreams. Instead, find your own and feel alive forev
er.
12. Stop being in a rush. Instead, focus on every moment because you have all yo
ur life to complete your tasks.
13. Stop worrying about everything. Instead, focus on every moment so you dont mi
ss out on miracles.
14. Stop whining. Instead, focus on what you want and take action to get it
15. Stop controlling others. Instead, appreciate who they are and what they are.
16. Stop thinking youre the smartest. Instead, appreciate the best in others and
work with them to create a more harmonious world.
17. Stop trying to impress other people. Instead, be yourself and let people lov
e you for who you are.
18. Stop surrounding yourself with negative people, because theyll only bring you
down. Instead, be around like minded people who appreciate you and support your
growth
19. Stop saying YES to everything. Instead, stand up for yourself and say NO lov
ingly, for everyones sake.
20. Stop competing for success. Instead, realize that the world has enough for e
veryone.
21. Stop being scared of taking your first step. Instead, gain your power back a
nd trust the process of life. Everything happens for a good reason.
What are your thoughts about happiness?
----------------------
I've found that many of my clients in today's fast-paced, hyperproductive world
feel like they are on a treadmill of neverending tasks and obligations. They ne
ver get off that treadmill, and wake up 10 years later wondering what the past d
ecade was all about.
So here's a pop quiz: At the end of the day, do you typically feel,
a. Anxious and dissatisfied that you didn't get more done.
b. Upset about a few things that went wrong.
c. Overwhelmed by all that you need to do tomorrow.
d. Happy and fulfilled with how your day went.
If you answered anything other than "d. Happy and fulfilled," then this blog is
for you!
The ultimate bummer is that each day is a precious canvas on which we paint our
lives. If you are not taking the time to truly enjoy the works of art you are cr
eating, what is the point?
The solution is to develop a set of nightly practices that get you off the tread
mill, savoring the art you created with your day, and pondering what works of ge
nius you want to create in the future. Here are seven ways to do this:
1. Write a list of 10 wonderful things that happened during the day.
If you're like many of my driven clients, you end the day wishing that you could
have gotten a few more things done. But this distorts your view of what actuall
y happened during the day, making it seem more negative than it actually was. Wh
en doing this exercise, most people find that their days were actually quite ama
zing!
2. Rewrite one thing that you would do differently.
This is a great way to gradually shift yourself. Pick one incident from the day
and imagine how you would have acted differently, in hindsight. Imagine that sce
nario as if it had actually happened that way. The neat thing about our human br
ains is that they treat things we imagine and things that actually happen simila
rly! What this means is that by imagining how you would have done something, you
are actually training your mind to do it that way next time.
3. Praise your partner for one thing that you love about them.
Send both of you off to sleep in a feeling of deep love and gratitude for each o
ther.
4. Watch or read something that aligns with your dreams.
I used to watch episodes of Homeland right before bed, until I noticed that I wo
uld have paranoid dreams about the people in my life betraying me. I would wake
up feeling negative and mistrustful. What we feed our mind changes how we think,
so be careful about what you're feeding yours. Does your mental diet help you b
e the person you want to be?
5. Find what is worrying you, and commit to one action the next day to fix it.
This one is key to avoiding the wake-up-at-3am panic attacks. We all have things
weighing on our mind, like finding a new place to live, dealing with a difficul
t situation at work, or money problems. Taking action helps get you out of worry
and into a mindset of possibility; by committing to the action you will take to
morrow, you can rest easy, knowing that it will be handled.
6. Make arrangements for a calm morning.
Each morning you want to set the tone of the day to be one of positivity and pos
sibility, and running around as a clock-watching stress ball does not help the c
ause. Take the steps the night before to make sure that you have an easy and che
erful morning: pack your lunch, straighten up, pick out your outfit.
7. Read your dreams and celebrate the progress.
You should have your dreams for your life written out (if you dont, consider this
to be a homework assignment!). Once you have them, the next step is to keep the
dream in your heart and mind, like a dear friend who accompanies you throughout
the day. Reading it each night helps you remember what you are going for, and c
elebrate the small victories that you are making to get there!
If you follow even one of these seven, you will start to savor and cherish each
day as the gift that it truly is.
Which of these nightly practices will YOU start doing? Write me a note and decla
re it!
----------------------------------------------
No matter what meditation practice you do, you want to make sure your practice
is both restorative and strengthening. Its easy to get caught in a comfortable pl
ace, finding your daily half hour of peace but missing the true potential of med
itation.
On the other hand, if its too dull or frustrating, you wont make time for it. Your
time is precious, and to make the most of meditation, it can be helpful to unde
rstand what spiritual muscles youre strengthening as you practice.
Did you know that any good meditation practice develops three basic skills? This
often isnt clearly communicated in the instructions. In fact, many teachers dont
even recognize this fact. But you can. And that will make your time meditating m
ore productive and effective.
Whether you do Mindfulness, Zen, Tibetan, TM, Vipassana, Creative Visualization,
Loving Kindness or any practice you can think of, the key to doing it successfu
lly is to make sure the following three skills are being developed as you practi
ce:
1. Concentration power; the ability to focus your attention where you choose.
Each time your attention wanders and you bring it back to whatever youre focusing
on (two common objects of focus are the breath or a mantra) its like a mental rep
at the mind gym. You're strengthening the Concentration Power muscle, which enab
les you to have choice about what you focus on and how intently. Being "in the z
one" can be attributed to Concentration Power. So, developing Concentration Powe
r means you get to spend more of your life "in the zone!"
Concentration Power can also improve your sense of well-being by allowing you to
focus on positive aspects of experience instead of getting hooked on habitual,
unhappy ways of interpreting your experience. And Concentration Power enhances y
our productivity and fulfillment by allowing you to be more fully present for th
e activities youre engaged in.
2. Sensory Clarity; the ability to track and explore sensory experience in real
time.
Lets take a common practice by way of example: Suppose you're focusing on a mantr
a. How can you become clear about your moment by moment experience of reciting t
he mantra, whether aloud or to yourself? If you are saying the mantra to yoursel
f, where do you hear it in your mind.
Does its location move or stay still? Do you notice changes in pitch, volume and
rate? Do you notice the gaps between recitations?
Sensory Clarity is the act of becoming fascinated by or discovering your experie
nce at any given time and the process of tracking your experience moment by mome
nt. To sum it up as concisely as possible, Sensory Clarity helps you untangle yo
ur experience so you dont get caught in it. It improves your objectivity, precisi
on and, most importantly, your insight into the true nature of your experience.
3. Equanimity; the ability to allow sensory experience to come and go, without p
ush and pull.
We tend to fight with unpleasant thoughts, emotions and body sensations and clin
g to pleasant ones. This happens in little ways all the time. Unfortunately, the
se little resistances snowball, dulling our overall vitality. When you avoid pai
n and cling to pleasure, that has unfortunate consequences in your ability to be
present for all of life.
Of course, I could talk for days about any of these skills. Theres a lot to unpac
k! But my hope is that just defining them for you will help you optimize your me
ditation time, whatever practice you choose to do. I want to support anyone who
is willing to do the work. Having a clear understanding of the skills you develo
p as you practice is a great way to make sure your practice stays on track.
---------------------------------------
The full moon has captured our imagination through the ages. Poets wax lyrical,
tides swell, cults are dedicated to luscious lunar goddesses, and Facebook news
feeds increasingly run hot with beautiful moon shots each month. But if you feel
out of control of your mood or even a little crazy at this time, youre not alone
.
Research has shown that the full moon has a noticeable effect on sleep patterns
and hospital patients. And hundreds more women seek my guidance at the full moon
phase than at other times of the month. If you're hyper-sensitive at the full m
oon, the good news is that you can make some easy mindset adjustments to get off
the lunar roller coaster.
1. Dont give your power away to the moon.
First, adjust your mindset. Yes, the energy is more intense at the full moon. Bu
t it's much more likely to throw us out of whack when were disconnected from our
feelings or pretending that we dont have the feelings to begin with.
Because we are often so good at suppressing how we really feel, when the full mo
on lights up our hidden emotional world, those who are hyper-sensitive can have
a tendency to get taken for a wild lunar ride. If youre feeling overwhelmed at th
e intensity of the full moon, notice whether you are blaming something external
rather than owning your natural emotional intensity (this may be a pattern for y
ou).
The way to understand your own your feelings is, first, to notice them.
You can do this by lunar tracking.
2. Become aware of the entire lunar cycle not just the full moon.
The lunar cycle lasts about a month, and in this time, the moon goes through sev
eral lunar phases. Start by tracking just the two major lunar phases: the new mo
on and the full moon. New moon times appear dark to us at night because the moon
is physically between the earth and the sun, blocking the light. And at the ful
l moon, the moon catches the light of the sun. (You can also Google the moon pha
se, or follow my moon blog for more interpretation each lunar cycle).
3. Write down how you feel at each moon phase.
Write down how you feel at the new moon, and then again at the full moon. Keep n
otes. Repeat during the next lunar cycle.
Before long, if youre sensitive to the moon, youll start to see your own patterns.
Youll start to understand how you feel each full moon, youll be able to predict h
ow youll be at the next one, and youll be able to plan your life and work accordin
gly.
And after awhile, you will start to feel how the full moon just reflects and hei
ghtens your own emotional world (as above, so below).
4. When you understand your feelings, work with your natural rhythm.
Each month, there will be a full moon. You cant control that. But once you unders
tand and predict your feelings, you can avoid reacting to the intensity of the f
ull moon.
Lunar tracking means youll learn your own rhythm and know whether you want to cra
wl under the restorative blankets at the full moon, schedule a wild night on the
dance floor, or stay up all night allowing your creative juices to flow.
My experience in teaching lunar tracking has taught methat there's no one recipe
for a full moon. Were all different.
5. Understand and plan around your feelings and personal rhythms.
And once you claim this knowledge, nobody can take it away from you.
Sound good? Start your lunar tracking this full moon and then let me know how it
goes!
--------------------------------
Have you ever been in a situation where you held your breath or bit your tongue
? Maybe you found yourself apologizing for something you werent really sorry abou
t?
Apologizing can be a form of social acceptance. We try to fit in so we scoot alo
ngside others, sometimes sacrificing our beliefs, hiding our thoughts and perfec
ting our behavior, all in an attempt to mend the situation and fit in.
When things dont go as planned, or we allow our insecurities to creep into the pr
esent moment, saying Im sorry can be the easy path out of awkwardness.
What about the drama-filled moments that warrant no apology? Our parents taught
us to apologize because it makes us feel better. But what about refusing to say,
Im sorry?
Sometimes it feels fantastic not to apologize.
When we acknowledge we dont always have to apologize, it actually makes us feel m
ore empowered. And this control and power translates into more feelings of self-
worth. The more comfortable you are with yourself and choices, the less you will
need to defend yourself or seek approval with an apology.
In the spirit of you celebrating your unique self, here are 20 things to stop ap
ologizing for.
1. Putting yourself first.
2. Walking away from what no longer works.
3. The shape and size of your body.
4. Your unconventional habits and unique personality traits.
5. Realizing a dream that came true wasnt all its cracked up to be. Its OK to chang
e course.
6. Your choices.
7. Taking care of yourself and putting your health into focus.
8. Doing what you want, when you want.
9. Turning down invites to social situations.
10. Ending relationships that arent right for you.
11. Changing your beliefs.
12. Being different from your more organized, talented, together or not divorced
sibling.
13. Wanting to travel and see the world.
14. Calling in sick when you need a day for you.
15. The amount of money you earn.
16. Mistakes or failed situations. Forgive yourself.
17. Wanting to stay in or be alone on a Friday night.
18. Wanting more for yourself and loved ones.
19. Your successes.
20. Loving yourself.
All to often we think apologizing will make things right, but sometimes being tr
ue to yourself and honoring your own needs is the best way to make things right.

-----------------------------------------
If you want to be healthy, go wild. Humans, after all, are wild animals.
Its not as odd as it sounds! In fact, throughout history, everyone was a wild hum
an. The same forces that tamed wolves and made them dogs tamed humans. Let's cal
l these forces "civilization," and yes, obvious benefits came with the deal.
But the downside of this progress is that civilization evolved a little faster t
han our genes, which remain almost wholly unchanged from our days in the wild. W
e are designed to be wild, and by living tame we make ourselves sick and unhappy
.
But how do we modern humans correct this? Its difficult to lay out a hard and fas
t checklist, but here are 10 steps that will get you headed along the right trai
l:
1. Get nutrition right.
Bad food is at the root of what ails us, linked to the entire sad litany of mode
rn afflictions from obesity and diabetes to Alzheimers and even cancer. To eat wi
ld, eliminate sugars in all forms, even fruit juices. Limit carbohydrates and el
iminate those from grains and starchy foods like potatoes. Replace those calorie
s by eating healthy fats, especially omega 3s from grass-fed beef, free-range ch
ickens and their eggs, and wild-caught fish.
Eat a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables for a rich supply of micro-nut
rients. Use nuts, seeds and fruit for snacks. Avoid fast-food or processed food.
No trans fats. This is not a diet; this is simply the way you eat from now on,
and youre going to enjoy it. I do. Call it what you want low-carb, paleo, ketogen
ic but the important thing is you do it.
2. Be nimble.
The human brain is best nourished and developed through intricate, nimble, whole
body movement. Wild exercise is not just about slimming or physical fitness. It
's the best pathway to competence, well-being and longevity. Look for a form of
exercise you like, something you can do easily and as part of your daily routine
.
Look for activities that involve a variety of movements, full body, with lots of
variability, like mountain trail running, CrossFit workouts, or games that exha
ust you, but will keep you coming back. Exercise in nature is exercise squared.
Feel the sun, but also the wind and the rain in your face. Slog through the snow
. And especially look for exercise that involves other people. Move with your tr
ibe. Look also to time-honored forms of movement, like dance, qigong, or tai chi
. Yoga is great.
3. Sleep 8.5 hours out of every 24 on average.
The research is clear on this. The requirement does not vary from human to human
. It does, however, vary from day to day. Its OK to short yourself on sleep for a
day or two (it may even be better) as long as it averages out. But in the long
haul, skipping sleep will make you sick, fat or stupid to quote a favorite researc
her on this topic.
4. Reconnect to nature.
The research says even small steps like a daily walk in the park or even a potte
d plant in your office show measurable benefits in surprising areas like improvi
ng your immune system or brain power. Better though to find time to wander in bi
g, raw, wild nature.
5. Practice awareness.
Stop being mindless. Act like you are on the hunt. People will like you more, an
d you will be more present and successful. There are venerated and longstanding
traditions of mindfulness meditation for a reason. These work to make us better
in surprising ways, like improving immune response, but there are other ways to
be mindful other than formal meditation. Find one that suits you.
6. Know that stress is both the creator and the destroyer.
Chronic, unrelenting stress, both mental and physical, is the destroyer. Intermi
ttent stress is the creator and a vital tool for getting better. Follow stressfu
l days with rest days. Growth only happens with stress and recovery and repair.
In all areas but especially with food, exercise, daily routines seek out variabi
lity and variety.
7. Engage others.
Our brains are at their best and brightest when they are connected in meaningful
ways to other people. Make a point of scheduling connections. Relationships mak
e us happy and healthy.
8. Do not treat your body like a machine.
Understand that there are not separate systems in your body like a nervous syste
m or digestive system, or even any real separation between mind and body. Everyt
hing is connected. You are not a machine or even a computer, but a complex livin
g organism (actually, a collection of organisms, mostly microbes). You are not a
n individual so much as an ecosystem. For all these reasons, single factor, redu
ctionist interventions dont work in the long run.
9. Reset your bodys default settings and feedback loops.
As you get matters like nutrition and exercise right, your own sense of well-bei
ng will improve. This is your body and mind telling you that you are getting bet
ter. Learn to listen to it.
10. Find your own path.
You'll probably find some measures work better than others. This is your lever.
Pay attention and the lever will lead to other measures. Remember, you are no lo
nger putting out fires or whacking moles; you are exploring potential.
The process builds on itself. Take a step. Assess. Then take another. This is a
process of exploration and discovery. Its guided by rewards, guideposts that lead
you to your own version of the wild life.
-------------------------------------------------
Before I met my prince of a husband, I dated this guy I can't even think about f
or two seconds without cringing. Clearly we weren't right for each other but I i
gnored the signs in flashing neon lights and on billboards. I was in my late thi
rties, and this wasn't how my life was supposed to go. Where was the wedded blis
s, the kids and the family Christmas card? I couldn't start over. Again. Id wake
up alone in the middle of the night in my apartment and more than my biological
clock was ticking my life clock was ticking. My fear fed my denial.
I kept dating this guy, but he treated me badly. He wore his bachelor status lik
e it was a gift to all single women, everywhere. He had about two pieces of furn
iture in a big house (never a good sign). He checked out other women in front of
me. When he told me he loved me, he looked conflicted. He was cheap too. We wen
t on a cruise together and not only did I pay my own way, but I also bought my o
wn drinks. Not kidding.
Then he started dropping clues that I wasn't his type at all. We hired a private
fitness trainer together and he squeezed the back of my arm once and said, "The
re's muscle in there somewhere." (The fitness trainer was way nicer to me than m
y own boyfriend.) It didnt take my best investigative skills to figure out my boy
friend liked skinny, make-up free and baseball hat-wearing women. That's not who
I am. I'm into fitness, but skinny isn't my body type. I love make-up, and I lo
ok dumb in hats. Why was he even dating me? And the more obvious question: why w
as I dating him?
It's ironic, the more time I spent with him, the more alone I felt, yet somehow
I feared the unknown more. What was on the other side of ending it? Truth is, I
let him treat me badly and that's tough to swallow. I can find all sorts of ways
to justify staying with him we took cool trips, we did adventurous things like
rappelling and mountain biking, but the relationship drained my spirit. I let th
e relationship drag on and drag me down. Worse, I never seized my moment to let
him know hes a colossal cad and that I deserve to be treated better.
Today, I'm joyfully married to an amazing man and we have beautiful twin toddler
girls. I don't have to give this this ex-boyfriend one more second of my life,
but I feel compelled to share my story. I hope my regret can turn into another w
omans decision day. Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but if you are in the wrong relatio
nship, you likely know it. Are you ignoring the signs? Are you ignoring your gut
? If I could go back in time, I would have ended it a lot sooner.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when you start to sense this might not b
e the dream relationship that you deserve:
1. Is your relationship making your life worse, overall?
A quick way to know if you are in a healthy relationship is to ask yourself if t
he person you are dating is making your life better. Healthy relationships impro
ve our lives. When we let people mistreat us, it takes a toll on other aspects o
f our lives too.
2. Are you afraid of the unknown?
Fabulous times await you on the other side. Trust that your best days are ahead
of you. (For me, my dream man and my twin girls were on the other side of ending
it.) Yes, the unknown is scary, but ending a relationship that weighs heavily o
n you is ultimately freeing and empowering. And what's even scarier than the unk
nown in knowing that you're giving up on your own happiness.
3. Is your relationship encouraging you to become someone else?
If someone is trying to change you, they arent deserving of your time. You date t
o find the right match, not to turn yourself into the right match.
4. Are you stalling on making a decision?
In retrospect, I can clearly identify early signs that my relationship was unhea
lthy. Signs that said RUN! You can save yourself precious time and emotional tur
moil when you read the signs early and make decisions accordingly.
5. Are you sacrificing your spark?
If your personality normally shines and suddenly you feel smaller or like your l
ight was dimmed, check your relationship. On some level, we all know when we are
putting up with behavior that doesnt meet our personal standards. If you are no
longer the person you once were, or friends and family tell you that you dont see
m the same, those are signs that you are in the wrong relationship.
Ultimately, I dont blame this guy I once dated. We are all on our own journeys of
growth and evolution. My deep regret is about the relationship I had with mysel
f. We teach people how to treat us based on how we feel about ourselves. Today I
dont recognize myself in those memories. It isnt who I am anymore. Once you make
a decision to be treated better, you will be.
-------------------------
There's a saying that we become what we repeatedly do.
What do you repeatedly do? And who are you becoming? These are powerful question
s. Questions that I routinely ask the clients who step into my psychology and li
fe coaching practice. Questions that I ask myself, as well.
We humans are, indeed, creatures of habit. And if your life isnt what youd like it
to be, its important to pay attention to how youre moving through your day.
Think of it as a habit audit, a chance to look carefully at your thoughts, words a
nd actions, and see if they are supporting the life that you want to create, or
not.
And if you discover that youre engaging in the one of the following six habits? I
ts time to drop em. Immediately. You dont need to think about it, stress about it,
or make a complicated plan. Just make a commitment. Simply tell yourself: I am c
hoosing to do better, and better begins today.
1. Being mean to yourself.?
If you say cruel things to yourself that you would NEVER say to anyone else not
even your worst enemy its time to stop.
Instead of: Ugh, you look so fat today. Try: I love myself unconditionally. And
because I love myself, Im going to make a few improvements to my lifestyle that w
ill allow me to look and feel even better.
2. Not exercising.
Your body was designed to move. You dont have to train for a marathon, but you do
need to move, every day.
Instead of: I dont wanna exercise! Try: I deserve to do this for myself. I am wor
th making this effort for myself.
3. Letting negative emotions build up inside.
When you allow negative emotions to fester inside, its like allowing steam to bui
ld inside a pressure cooker. Sooner or later, youre going to erupt either with an
angry outburst, or by directing that anger towards yourself.
Instead of: ?I shouldnt be feeling this way. I have no right to feel this way. Im
a bad person.
Try: I feel what I feel, and Im going to do something about it ... so that these
feelings dont fester. [Then, go somewhere private and thwack a pillow with a knot
ted-up towel while vocalizing your feelings, until you feel a sense of release.]
4. Saying yes when you mean no.
If youre saying YES to things that feel like a distraction, create feelings of re
sentment, or literally make you feel sick ... stop.
Instead of: Sure! (I dont really want to, but Ill seem like a jerk if I say no)
Try: What is the contribution that I want to make, in this lifetime? Would sayin
g YES to this request support me in making that contribution? Or not?
5. Blaming your parents for everything.
Maybe your parents did a terrific job raising you except for one or two things.
Maybe they did a terrible job. Or maybe, it's somewhere in the middle. Regardles
s of what your parents did wrong or right, holding onto unresolved anger is unhe
althy. Its unfair to you and the people around you.
Instead of: Its all their fault that I [insert unhealthy behavior here]. Thats how
they raised me!
Try: ?Im an adult now. Its my responsibility to give myself the things that my par
ents couldnt or wouldnt. I have that power. I can do that, for myself.
6. Worrying about the future.
Worrying is not the same as being concerned or planning your next move. Worrying is
a state of unproductive paralysis, where youre repeatedly telling yourself: I dont
think Im capable of handling my own life.
Instead of: What if ___________ or ___________ happens? How will I manage?
Try: Whatever happens, I have complete confidence in my ability to handle it.
Putting an end to self-sabotaging habits is both simple and challenging at the s
ame time. Simple, because its really not that complicated. It begins with a simpl
e choice.
Challenging, because making that choice (and committing to it) takes a great dea
l of self-awareness and a willingness to learn new tools especially when it come
s to managing your own emotions. But whether it takes you one hour or one year t
o change a bad habit, the rewards are so worth it for your health, your career,
your relationships, and for everyone who spends time around you.
You have all that you need. Begin now!
-----------------------------------------
Whether you're navigating the trenches of a painful divorce, taking a sex sabba
tical or hibernating from love, eventually you will yearn to get back out there
and try your heart at love again.
As you pick up the pieces from relationships past, you may find yourself gaining
enough courage to start fresh. Welcome to the hopeful next chapter of your love
life.
The sweet sensation of love floating in the air. And massive expectations as you
prepare for yet another new date with a new person. But just because you feel r
eady doesn't mean your potential mate is on the same page.
Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, we don't always know the o
utcome. And not every connection is fated for happily ever after.
If you're ready to fall in love again, make sure you're with someone who's on th
e same page. All too often, one person is ready, and his or her quest to belong
and feel love again will overshadow reality. Sometimes we simply fall for people
who arent ready to date.
Learning to recognize the red flags early is part of leading a balanced and heal
thy love life. If you really want to attract and bring real love into your life,
make sure your new potential partner is, too.
Here are 20 signs new love interests might not be emotionally available or might
not be into you.
1. When you feel like you have to work for their attention.
2. They don't make eye contact when they talk to you.
3. They avoid getting to know you conversations or don't ask questions about your
life.
4. They ask the same questions over and over (because they didn't listen the fir
st three times you told them).
5. They dodge or change the subject when you ask about them.
6. You seem to pay for everything.
7. They're overly defensive and don't take responsibility for their role in the
situation.
8. When youre left wondering, Do they like me? If a person likes you, he or she wil
l find a way to let you know.
9. You haven't met their friends or family.
10. They seem secretive about telling others when you're together.
11. You get the sense you're being used (for money, sex, business ideas, etc.).
12. You have a hard time understanding them or knowing what their motives are.
13. They only want to communicate via text, Facebook, email or chat.
14. You feel confused, lonely or insecure after spending time with them.
15. They always talk about their ex. (No matter how they mention their past, if
its in the present, it's likely they haven't moved on.)
16. They're noncommittal. (Plans are hard to pin down. If you ask them about the
future, they may snap at you.)
17. They don't flirt with you or find ways to be close to you.
18. They seem to make a lot of empty promises.
19. They say I love you, or ask you to move in or get married on the first or se
cond date. I hate to bust the love at first site bubble, but sometimes too soon
means they are more in love with the idea of you than who you are as a person.
20. Your time together feels superficial youre left feeling frustrated or emotion
ally exhausted after being with them.
Do yourself a favor and dub this person in the friend zone and move on. If you w
ant real, big, earth-shaking, feel-it-in-your-bones love, let go of people who s
end you mixed signals and make yourself available for the real thing. Your futur
e self will thank you and so will your future honey.
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While there are plenty of happy changes we seek in life new relationships, a ma
keover, a car for most of us, change represents uncertainty. With uncertainty co
mes insecurity and worry.
The truth is that change isn't always a joyful, happy time, but rather a time to
act like things are unfolding perfectly. That's what it seems to be for a lot o
f us: that stuff you have to plaster a smile over and pretend to embrace, even w
hen your heart is drowning.
Most of us want change as much as we are afraid of it. We say things like, I'm s
o unhappy in my marriage, but I'm afraid of being alone. I'm sick of working in
corporate, but I have no idea what else I would do. I cant stand where I live, bu
t my home is paid off.
When we resist change, it's because we're still holding on to what the universe
is asking us to release. Whether it's planned or unplanned change, we are being
asked to re-examine or life and consider what direction really matters most.
Change is part of life. And whether you like it or not, it's going to take place
with or without your approval. It could be something pint-size (your favorite i
ce cream joint shut down), or gigantic (death, divorce, or disability). The univ
erse has a natural way of balancing things out.
Based on my own experience and that of hundreds of clients, change is much more
enjoyable if you make a change instead of waiting for the universe to do it for
you.
Here are 10 signs it is time for a life change.
1. When you romanticize the past to escape the present.
Ask yourself why you're afraid to look at the present, and take steps to create
a more positive situation.
2. When you resist unexpected opportunities out of fear of the unknown or what o
thers will say.
Instead of holding onto what isnt working, be open to letting go so you can make
room for what will work.
3. When you feel numb.
When we feel numb to life, it's because we've lost passion and motivation. Ask y
ourself if you're just going through the motions. Try doing more of what you lov
e each day and watch your inspiration come back.
4. When youve lost all passion for your current situation.
Be willing to let go of what no longer serves you. Some situations, places, hobb
ies and people have expiration dates. As you grow and change, so do your passion
s.
5. When you start to lie to yourself and others to avoid the truth.
Lying creates inner turmoil, shame and guilt. Instead of festering in these feel
ings, ask yourself what you're running from and are afraid to admit.
6. When your actions dont align with your words.
Actions will always speak louder than words. If you aren't doing what you say, a
sk why you're overpromising.
7. When your relationships feel superficial.
Sometimes breaking up with a best friend or romantic partner is the best thing f
or your personal well-being.
8. When you feel disenchanted with life.
Staying in situations that no longer serve you always produce a byproduct of dis
comfort. Give yourself permission to follow your heart and step into your future
.
9. When you sense you are settling.
Repeat the mantra, I do not settle. I am worthy of my desires and believe in my w
ell-being.
10. When your mind drifts to better ways of being.
Trust the nudges coming to you. These inspirational pushes are the catalyst to p
ropel you into a happier and healthy life.