The Ha-Haggadah: A Series of Unfortunate Egyptian Events
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The Ha-Haggadah - Hilory Wagner
The Ha-Haggadah
A Series of
Unfortunate Egyptian Events
Mangled by
Hilory Wagner
This is How We Do
• The Seder participants (hereby known as we
) take turns reading from this Ha-Haggadah.
• Read as much as you want, but don’t bogart the thing, people.
• When you’re done, lightly tap the guest next to you to continue.
• Even if you have some pent-up hostility toward the next guest, go easy on the tapping. Come on, we’re celebrating here.
• Please refrain from texting during the seder. They didn’t text in the Bible, you know. Tweeting, on the other hand, is encouraged. #hahaggadah #pesach #letmypeoplego #gotseder
• When you see italics, that means we all read together. Text in (parentheses) means show, don’t tell. (Just do it.)
• Three shall be the number of the counting, and the number of the counting shall be three.
• Fasten your seatbelts. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!
Like Most Jewish Rituals, We Start with Candle Lighting
Before sunset and prior to the Seder, we light two candles. We all say:
Praised be Thou, O Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with Thy commandments and enjoined upon us the mitzvah of kindling the Festival of Lights.
Baruch atah adonai, eloheynu meleh ha'olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav, ve'tzivanu le hadlik nayr shel yom tov. Praised be Thou, O Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has kept us in life and sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season.
Baruch atah adonai, eloheynu meleh ha'olam, shehekyanu, vekiy'manu, vehigi'anu laz'man hazeh.