THE GAME OF DATING

THE LOST ART OF COURTSHIP

DEDRICK R. BRIGGS

THE GAME OF DATING

THE LOST ART OF COURTSHIP
Visit www.facebook.com/dedrickrbriggs for promotions, exclusive offers and products.

Copyright 2012 by Dedrick R. Briggs ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, digital, and mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other -- except for brief quotations in printed reviews or without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

For additional information about this book, contact:

THE DEDRICK BRIGGS COMPANY

www.dedrickbriggs.com info@dedrickbriggs.com

All the stories related in this book are true, but most of the names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people mentioned.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWORD INTRODUCTION Section I: Personal Awareness Chapter 1: Select Your Character Chapter 2: Vision Statement Chapter 3: Mission Statement Chapter 4: Unique, Complete & Whole Section II: Dating 101 Chapter 5: Starting Over Chapter 6: The Definition of Dating Chapter 7: Student of Dating Chapter 8: Stages of Development Chapter 9: Gender Roles Chapter 10: Candidates Chapter 11: Categorical Relationships Chapter 12: Suitability Chapter 13: Exclusive vs. Open Chapter 14: A House Built on Sand Chapter 15: Product Advertisement Chapter 16: Establish Boundaries Chapter 17: T.M.I. Chapter 18: Space & Security Chapter 19: Take It Slow Chapter 20: Carry-on Baggage Chapter 21: The Social Network Chapter 22: The Word Love Chapter 23: Self Protect Chapter 24: Loneliness Chapter 25: Breaking Up Chapter 26: No Games Section III: Dating Dynamics Chapter 27: Age Gaps Chapter 28: Long Distance Dating Chapter 29: Hooking Up Chapter 30: Playing House Chapter 31: Bad Apples Chapter 32: Stick to the Game Plan Chapter 33: Adverse Daters Chapter 34: Fatal Attraction Chapter 35: Hands Off Chapter 36: From Companionship to Engagement

Section IV: Reality Check Chapter 37: Dating Violence Chapter 38: Quality Chapter 39: Ladies Chapter 40: Gentlemen Section V: Dating Violation Glossary

INTRODUCTION

This Facebook post is a question about the appropriate time to get back in what I call, The Game of Dating. In any game, one must understand the rules and regulations of that game in order to be successful, but that is not all. Most games require strategy and finesse because every decision we make has a consequence. If we are going to be successful, then we must train. Only training specific to the competition will enable us to grow and be victorious. Have you ever taken the time to consider why people have often been unsuccessful while dating? In this book, we will discuss why many lack success while dating and how we can turn failure into victory. This is not a players handbook and all that it entails or how to make your girlfriends/boyfriends toes curl, but a book about appropriate dating practices. We will discuss dos, donts, and the rules of appropriate dating. Throughout this book, we will hit many different relationship dynamics and situations to acknowledge a variety of issues. Hopefully this edition, in some way, will refer to at least one or more of your issues. If not, dont worry because there is still something in it for you. Whether one is Divorced, Widowed or fresh in the game, this information will alter your ideas and taste concerning dating. The information in this book will help one become a sophisticated dater, and not someone desperate for attention. As your Coach, my job is not to make decisions for you. My responsibility is to open your eyes to see the most beneficial decisions concerning dating. We must empower and conduct ourselves by more beneficial rules and a profitable

standard. Upon completion of this book, you will see relationships in a new light and hold the keys to dating success for your life. We all have free choice concerning personal decisions, but before an internal verdict is executed, we must determine whether or not that decision will be whats most beneficial. Dedrick R. Briggs

CHAPTER 4

UNIQUE, COMPLETE & WHOLE

BEING SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE If I am looking for the rest of me within someone else, I am setting myself and my relationship up for failure. Victoria Fleming, Ph.D.

Never use expressions describing your significant other as your other-half or your better-half. Statements like that produce a psychosomatic notion that you are incomplete without a significant other. Singleness has never denoted incompleteness, but a state of oneness. Incompleteness, by definition, is a condition of deficiency; lack; or neediness. This psychological model locks us in a co-dependent state of mind, encouraging us to rely on others for emotional wellbeing and stability. Being single is a gift that affords one time to learn about oneself, build individuality and self worth. It is the state when one can learn how to be independent, build character and admirable qualities. Piecing self worth qualities like honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty, commitment, and faithfulness together transforms one from the average to the exceptional. When you say I am Single, essentially you are definitively saying, I have all the required parts or elements. I emotionally lack nothing and I have all the required or expected characteristics that make me entire. An important element to have is awareness through identity, and I believe learning oneself is the requirement to success within this process. If you dont know who you are, why would you expect anyone else to know? If one does not have vision and purpose, he or she may never amount to anything. Expression through ones unique identity and not mimicking someone else is what makes one distinctive from others. Intimate knowledge of oneself enables them not to be easily swayed because he or she understands their purpose. I have witnessed many relationship casualties because one or both went in seeking identity, purpose and vision from the other person. When we go into relationships with deep implanted insecurities and double-mindedness it only destroys the potential within the relationship.

As we develop our own individuality, well grow confident in our capability to handle whatever challenges come our way; it is what separates the Heros from the Sidekicks. Instead of naively running into mischief or fleeing for fear, well face challenges confidently, intelligently and with wisdom. THE STAGE OF PREPARATION Louis Greenup said it best, Singleness is pre-season training and if you are not successful in the pre-season you wont be successful in the Game. Remember, this isnt just about dating, but rather becoming a sophisticated dater. As an unmarried individual, it is vital that one focus on increasing knowledge, self-worth, and strive for financial stability and comfort. A better You will attract the best for you, but it all begins with the fundamentals of being unique, complete and whole. So what contributes to so many relationship casualties? I believe it is because people get back into the game ill-equipped. When you lack totality, you will allow people to handle you inappropriately and thats why improving oneself and understanding this game is vital. Dating is not a race; and, finishing the quickest should never be the goal. REALITY CHECK Q&A How does one avoid making some of the mistakes made by many people? I have a simple reply: Build your self-worth. Building emotional security enables you to be independent and less codependent. When dating we give just enough to see if it has the potential to go to the next level. While hoping for an engagement ring, Ive seen women continue to have babies. Ive also seen men blow savings and waste prosperity because they fell in love with a woman that didnt value the significance of saving and sophisticated investing. I have not begun to mention those who are courting or in an exclusive relationship, but their hearts are still with previous Exes. When one lacks completeness its like having an unfinished puzzle set. Lacking wholeness is like having that same puzzle set, but the person who gave it to you still has some of the pieces. Key indicators that you are not entire are feelings of emptiness, insecurity or inadequacy. Those emotions are like gaping holes or voids and when felt, one usually by means of desperation tries to fill them. Unfortunately its often through temporary means of satisfaction.

Essentially, in order to be complete one must first reach the state of wholeness and to be whole you must have all of you puzzle pieces. Stephen R. Covey probably illustrates how to accomplish this best in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I DONT NEED YOU, BUT I WANT YOU As insensitive as this may sound, that is what I told my wife while we were dating. By this time a little maturity had sunk in, and I recognized that I truly did not need a significant other to feel happy about myself. I encouraged her to pursue success and wealth for herself, whether it was through going back to school, a career or building a successful business. I encouraged her to seek independence because I wanted her to be successful whether I was present or not. I did not wish for her to need me, my desire was for her to want me. I believe when couples realize they dont need each other for emotional fulfillment
or to reach a state of financial security, it increases their success rate. I believe that being whole is not just a matter of being in excellent emotional health, but it also includes having success within what I call your Personal Economy (P.E.).

END OF EXCERPT