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gandhi_collected works vol 98

gandhi_collected works vol 98

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Published by: Nrusimha ( नृसिंह ) on Jan 29, 2009
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06/25/2014

You had written to me about Anand as well as your father’s
ticket. I had not understood the significance. In the meantime there is
this letter from Mathuradas which I can somewhat understand. I am
pained even more than he would have been. I for one have not been
able to understand it. I do not like pujas at all. What then to talk about
arati? I do not even know that the Maharashtrian ladies had done the
arati. I only thought they were blessing me as a sister would bless her
brother on his birthday. But if the ladies had gathered for doing the
arati, it was sinful on their part. I did not accept the arati with that
view. But even the coconut irks me. Anyone prostrating before me
also irritates me. I do not wish any obeisance done to me. This is the
truth of my soul. But being close to me, perhaps you asked them to
do so? Do I have to explain all this to you? If you have not
understood that, I have to accept that it is my innermost desire to get
such adulation. In that case, how can anyone be blamed if I find
myself in the same situation as Caesar who desired the crown and did
not get it? I am writing all this because you did not meet me
yesterday. I received the letter only yesterday. Mathuradas has not
received the letter. And Durga has said that you are going today and
therefore I wish that you do not forget discussing the matter with him.
Now both of you should talk it over. Ask Avantikabehn about what
the Maharashtrian ladies had done. After that inform me about
whatever tangible or subtle thing you might have observed, so that I
would go deeper in examining myself.
I have still to discuss one thing with him. M. believes that you
should stay only with me. I have partially understood it. This should
also be fully understood that I do not have to write about it to you
again. I have not fully understood his purpose. Anandanand has also
stressed it. He says that he has written to you at great length. He is
very hurt. I wish he is convinced. I did not know that he desired your
presence for the Navajivan to that extent. That is how I had
understood you. But if it is possible to interpret your letter in the
manner of Mathuradas, then you two should first discuss the matter

VOL. 98: 6 DECEMBER, 1947 - 30 JANUARY, 1948

373

and analyse me and then express your view. This is the purpose of my
writing to you now.

This again is the third point. I do believe that then I too would
have the qualities of absolute truth, non-violence, brahmacharya, etc.
But surely I can take such an objective view at present? I had no idea
that the matter was already discussed between you and Mathuradas.
Why did you wirte that it was not a matter of question or complaint
but that you two should discuss it together?

From a copy of the Gujarati: S. N. 11749

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