A Magic Mushroom Journey Into The Light

A MAGIC MUSHROOM JOURNEY INTO THE LIGHT

A Story of Healing and Forgiveness 

By Sierra Myst

From as far back as I can remember, my life as I have learned has been a continuous journey from darkness into the light. I finally realized that I needed to write about the journey of my life because I felt it was important to share with others what I went through and what happened to finally give me the ability to become the strong, kind, and happy person that I am today. It was not easy to write this book and there is still so much for me to learn and do, but that is what life should be; a journey of change and learning. It is important to note that growing up, I never believed in nor did any drugs. I was taught to believe that the drugs such as Magic Mushrooms, MDMA and LSD, which are in truth sacred medicines were evil and would destroy me. The only thing I ever did was smoke marijuana a few times and drank alcohol.  

However, the universe has made it noticeably clear on several occasions that it is important for me to write my story, so here goes.  

I would like to Thank God for the amazing Grace he has always shown me and for always being there watching over me. Forgiving me for my mistakes and for loving me no matter what. I was told once that God was a shining ray of hope for me. I believed it then and I believe it now.

I also want to thank my husband for his continued love, strength, and never-ending support. No matter what is said in my book, he has always supported me in any endeavors I have undertaken whether it was backpacking, writing, singing, or painting. He has always supported me in my personal changes and has always been there for me no matter what. Even when we were distant, he still supported me. What an amazing man and I am truly lucky to have him as the love of my life.  He is my best friend, my rock, and a true blessing. He is also my hero, for without him, I would never had found the strength to change and confront my past.

Thank you also to my children for always supporting me and sharing ideas and knowledge with me. The knowledge they continue to share with me has been invaluable and has given me the confidence to move forward in my life. I also want to thank my therapist for her assistance on my journey and for providing me with her support, advice, and her gentle nudging of encouragement. 

I always believed and still believe to this day that God has given me hope from my earliest memory as a young child and I still feel this hope even today as I work to find my own path in life. I believe that life is ever changing and is an opportunity to learn new things. For me, it is also a walk from the darkness and into the light. 

I came into this world and grew up in a terribly angry and troubled home. There was a great deal of emotional and physical abuse along with hatred especially towards me. I spent much of my life burying the terrible things that happened to me and have spent my life working extremely hard to overcome all the horrific issues and memories that have haunted me since I was a young child.

I have not always been successful at this and I have made many mistakes. I am not perfect, I am human. My goal is to write this story to include owning up to my own faults and mistakes with the hope that it will in some way help all who read it to understand that they are not alone and that there is hope for living in love and peace.  

It is my goal in writing my story to try to see the past with a clearer vision the best I can and not allow the cloudiness of memories to distort them. It is said that there are always 3 sides to a story, first they way you remember it, second the way someone else remembers it and third the way it really was. This is my account as I remember it.

I can attest that I am here today a much stronger and happier person. I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. The journey to happiness has not been easy; in fact, it has been very difficult and at times incredibly painful. It continues to be a lifelong journey of learning to deal with my past and my mistakes. The one thing that I feel is important to say is that there is hope for a brighter future. To live in love and to become genuinely happy with one’s self.  I believe that you must be happy with yourself if you want to live a happy life. This is not an easy task but with hard work and persistence, it can be done. It may take my whole life, but each day I find it gets a little easier and I am a little happier with myself. Sure, I must fight off the terrible things I was told about myself, and yes, I slip back from time to time, but I am learning to get better at this every day.

This story of my life is written with hope that in sharing my story, you will find the strength and knowledge in knowing that you too can surpass the negative and hurtful past no matter how terrible. Hopefully, my story will encourage you to become the happy, confident, and loving person you were created to be. It is never too late to learn to survive and expel the past that holds you back from enjoying a life of happiness, peace, and success. It is my wish that through my story you may find hope, strength, and your own path into the light. 

Chapter 1

The Beginning of Change

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It was a chilly February evening, a night of the new moon which was also a super moon. My husband and I decided to take advantage of the super moon and embark on a day of self-discovery. We began by taking a long hike into the mountains to prepare ourselves for whatever may lie ahead that day. We decided to meditate and together explore what the universe was trying to tell us, if only we could quite our minds. On the suggestion of our son, we both decided to embark on this day’s journey by taking advantage of some very sacred medicines. We were both excited and a little nervous. We had learned how the sacred medicines would help me specifically heal my past and set the stage for recovery. The super moon made is easier to feel the power of the universe and to hear the message that was being sent to me. It was an amazingly beautiful experience that filled my soul with color, joy, and a deeper understanding of myself that I never honestly believed was possible. I prepared for this event by meditating and speaking to God that I would be able to hear what he by way of the universe had been trying to tell me for so long. My past was buried so very deep and I had blocked out so much of it, but I knew I needed to finally deal with it. I could feel that the fear of opening my past was holding me back from enjoying life to the fullest. Fear can be a large blockade and I was terrified, but I knew I needed to face my past. It was time to remove it from my heart once and for all.  

During this evening, it became noticeably clear to me that I had been living my life in fear for far too long. I did not realize it, but fear had gripped me like a vice, and it had been getting in the way of my life and happiness for a very long time.  Anxiety and fear are a common experience for me and in fact, it effects every aspect of my life. I did not realize it until now that fear was affecting not just my own life but my relationships with my husband, children, grandchildren, friends, and co-workers. I had learned to keep everyone at a distance. Never letting anyone close enough to see the real me. I had perfected a mask and buried anything that would allude to who I really was and what I really felt inside.

By the end of the evening of the super moon, with the help of the sacred magic mushrooms, I knew exactly what I was supposed to do with my life, which was let go of the fear and write my story no matter how difficult it was going to be.  God made it truly clear to me that It was time to share my story. I kept hearing the words Do Not Be Afraid! it is time to find your own voice and remove the voices that others had imbedded in your mind. To find my own true voice, I had to get the fear out of my life so I could move forward with love, peace, and happiness. I also realized that there is someone out there like me that truly needs to hear my story so that they too can find a way to share their story and more importantly move past the fear and pain of their own lives.

I wish I had known about sacred medicines and had obtained the courage to change and began this endeavor at a younger age. However, I honestly believe that when the time is right, you somehow become ready.

I will be honest in saying that this feels like and is in fact the scariest thing I have ever done, but I know that it is important. Writing this is extremely difficult, because I will be letting everyone in close so that they see the real me. I have never allowed this before and it is very scary to me. I understand that it will not be easy, but I honestly believe that sharing my story will help me to continue to grow and become stronger and more confident within and to finally begin believing that I am worthy of love and kindness. That is a strange concept for me because I did not grow up believing those things. People always ask how I survived my childhood. I always just said it was by the grace of God. While I believe that to be absolutely true, I also believe that you must put in the work to become the person you are meant to be.

I believe that you must find support from loved ones and a therapist that can be leaned on for strength to accomplish these changes. I needed someone unrelated to me that I could fully trust and find a way to share what was so deeply buried inside. My therapist became that catalyst. It is not possible to do it alone because the fear and shame will hold you back.  I understand that this book will be a shock for my family, but it is truly time for everyone including myself to understand where I came from, how I survived and what I do now to continue with my journey of happiness and self-worth. By no means is my own work finished or my journey complete. In fact, it has only just begun.

I have been going to counseling with a psychologist which was immensely helpful to me on my journey. I was absolutely terrified to begin counseling because I grew up believing that everything that happened to me was somehow my fault and that the counselor would just reiterate that they were right. It is so crazy what thoughts fear can generate and what hateful people can make you believe! However, after the first few minutes, I knew that the therapist was a friend and that It was safe to tell her anything and everything with no judgements or criticism. She was there and continues to be there to help me. It is extremely helpful to have a kind person to listen, offer assistance and advice. 

As I began writing, it became crystal clear to me that If going through the pain of writing my story helps just one person, then I will have possibly opened the door, shining light to someone who like me, needs it so very much.

The best way to begin my story is to start at my earliest childhood memories. This will be extremely hard for me because I am certain that as I write I will recall memories that I have blocked out. Strangely, writing was painful and refreshing at the same time.

I was able to see with complete clarity the pain in my past that I needed to let go of. I realized that my life had been tainted from years of hiding in my heart.

As I write I will continue to remind myself that in writing my story, I promise to be straight forward with clarity about my past. To weed out the cloudiness, admit and accept my mistakes, and to put into perspective all the times of my life. This is scary stuff to me, but if I am to continue getting better, happier, and stronger, then I must face everything no matter how painfull.

And so, my story begins.

Chapter 2

Learning to Hide

It was a cold and rainy day in Southern California. I was about 5 or 6 years old, and I was hiding under the bed. I was so scared. I was afraid to cry for fear that I would be discovered, and they would hurt me.

Who are they? That would be my family. My mother, my father and particularly my older sister. 

If I keep still and quiet, I will be safe at least for now.

The sounds of screaming and yelling are getting so loud that it hurts my ears. I do not know why they are screaming and yelling this time. This was a regular occurrence and it always scared me down to my sole.

Oh no, the tears are beginning to fall. I cannot let them fall, I must keep quiet and hide; It feels like my life depends on it. If they find me, they will hurt me. I scoot closer to the top of the bed next to the wall, so it is harder for them to see me. I am small, I can do this. I know they will not look for me because they never ever really cared, and I knew this. I must wait until it is quiet before I can come out from under the bed. I begin to silently pray please God, keep me safe. I am so scared, Please God Don’t let them find me. Where did I get the idea of prayer? I do not know. My family was never religious, and we never prayed together. I honestly believe that God was with me under that bed every single time. I always felt he was with me even when they were hurting me. I found myself saying this sentence for many years; Please God don’t let me grow up to be like them. Finally, all the screaming and yelling had stopped. I have been hiding a long time, maybe I can safely come out now.

I crawl out only to be faced with my hateful sister. She grabs me by the hair and drags me down the hall. Yelling look what I found! An ugly little pig! she begins to torment me. She began her normal rants of hate toward me. She would say you know what? No one loves you; no one likes you! You are a little pig, and we all hate you. You are ugly and a baby I cry out, Stop, stop! Mommy, please make her stop.

My mom comes up and tells her to leave me alone, but she does not punish her because my sister was always preferred over me. Then my mom looks at me and says stop whining, no one wants to hear you whine go to your room and do not come out until I say so. Then she hits me on the back of the head and pushes me down the hall.

I am so confused, scared and alone. How could my mommy hate me so much? How could she treat me like this? I did not do anything. I talk to God in my head saying Please God, I feel so alone. Please keep me safe. I was just a little girl! Why do they hate me?  I look in the mirror and do not understand why they hate me so much. I go into the room I must share with my sister and I quietly shut the door.

This is ok, I think to myself. I feel safe here at least for now. I began to play with my dolls and pretend that I live in a nice loving family. I had no idea of what a loving family looked like. I was