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257 -Supporting the Person Without Enabling
Currently unavailable
257 -Supporting the Person Without Enabling
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Length:
63 minutes
Released:
Apr 21, 2018
Format:
Podcast episode
Description
Supporting the Person Without Enabling
Instructor: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director: AllCEUs Counselor Continuing Education
Podcast host: Counselor Toolbox and Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery
Objectives
~ Explore how a person becomes an enabler
~ Define enabling
~ Examine the consequences of enabling
~ Learn about the connection between enabling and co-dependency
~ Define characteristics of codependency and how they may develop from being in an enabling relationship
~ Examine practical strategies to provide support and encouragement to the loved one without enabling.
What Makes an Enabler
~ A person that you love who is in trouble or experiencing pain
~ An addicted person
~ A person with mental health issue
~ A person with chronic pain
~ A child
~ A sense of responsibility for the problem (If I would have been more aware…, If I had…)
~ Denial that there is a problem requiring professional help (initially)
~ Once you have “helped” once it is hard to stop
~ Emotional manipulation to maintain the behavior
What is Enabling
~ Enabling behavior:
~ Protects the person from the natural consequences of his behavior
~ Keeps secrets about the person’s behavior from others in order to keep peace
~ Makes excuses for the person’s behavior (with teachers, friends, legal authorities, employers, and other family members)
~ Bails the person out of trouble (pays debts, fixes tickets, hires lawyers, and provides jobs)
~ Blames others for the person's behaviors (friends, teachers, employers, family, and self)
~ Sees “the problem” as the result of something else (shyness, adolescence, loneliness, broken home, ADHD, or another illness)
~ Avoids the person in order to keep peace (out of sight, out of mind)
~ Gives help that is undeserved, unearned or unappreciated
What is Enabling
~ Enabling behavior:
~ Attempts to control the other person by planning activities, choosing friends, and getting them jobs and doctor appointments
~ Makes threats that have no follow-through or consistency
~ “Care takes” the person by doing what she/he is expected to do for herself/himself
~ Ignoring the person’s negative or potentially dangerous behavior
~ Difficulty expressing emotions –especially if there are negative repercussions for doing so
~ Prioritizing the needs of the person with the addiction before their own
~ Acting out of fear – Since addiction can cause frightening events, the enabler will do whatever it takes to avoid such situations
~ Resenting the person with the addiction
What Does Enabling Look Like
~ “He’s so irresponsible with money, he could never make it on his own. If I kicked him out, he would be homeless. What else can I do?”
~ “Every time I’ve tried to talk to her about her addiction, she’s gone on an even worse binge, and I’m afraid she will overdose.”
~ “I know I shouldn’t have paid for his lawyer after the third DUI, but if he went to jail, he would lose his job, and we rely on his income.”
~ “Every time she and her boyfriend fight, she crashes here. I let her because I know he can be violent, and I don’t want her to be hurt.”
~ “If I don’t get the emails, he will miss them and lose his scholarship.”
~ “It is my fault she is in pain, so I must do whatever she wants.”
~ “If I can’t change what he did, at least I can limit the damage.”
~ “Maybe he will wake up and come to his senses.”
~ “Maybe I just need to find the right treatment for him.”
Consequences of Enabling
~ Enablers detest the behaviors of the enabled, but fear the consequences of those behaviors even more.
~ They are locked into a lose-lose position in the family. Setting boundaries feels like a punishment or abandonment of the pe
Instructor: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director: AllCEUs Counselor Continuing Education
Podcast host: Counselor Toolbox and Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery
Objectives
~ Explore how a person becomes an enabler
~ Define enabling
~ Examine the consequences of enabling
~ Learn about the connection between enabling and co-dependency
~ Define characteristics of codependency and how they may develop from being in an enabling relationship
~ Examine practical strategies to provide support and encouragement to the loved one without enabling.
What Makes an Enabler
~ A person that you love who is in trouble or experiencing pain
~ An addicted person
~ A person with mental health issue
~ A person with chronic pain
~ A child
~ A sense of responsibility for the problem (If I would have been more aware…, If I had…)
~ Denial that there is a problem requiring professional help (initially)
~ Once you have “helped” once it is hard to stop
~ Emotional manipulation to maintain the behavior
What is Enabling
~ Enabling behavior:
~ Protects the person from the natural consequences of his behavior
~ Keeps secrets about the person’s behavior from others in order to keep peace
~ Makes excuses for the person’s behavior (with teachers, friends, legal authorities, employers, and other family members)
~ Bails the person out of trouble (pays debts, fixes tickets, hires lawyers, and provides jobs)
~ Blames others for the person's behaviors (friends, teachers, employers, family, and self)
~ Sees “the problem” as the result of something else (shyness, adolescence, loneliness, broken home, ADHD, or another illness)
~ Avoids the person in order to keep peace (out of sight, out of mind)
~ Gives help that is undeserved, unearned or unappreciated
What is Enabling
~ Enabling behavior:
~ Attempts to control the other person by planning activities, choosing friends, and getting them jobs and doctor appointments
~ Makes threats that have no follow-through or consistency
~ “Care takes” the person by doing what she/he is expected to do for herself/himself
~ Ignoring the person’s negative or potentially dangerous behavior
~ Difficulty expressing emotions –especially if there are negative repercussions for doing so
~ Prioritizing the needs of the person with the addiction before their own
~ Acting out of fear – Since addiction can cause frightening events, the enabler will do whatever it takes to avoid such situations
~ Resenting the person with the addiction
What Does Enabling Look Like
~ “He’s so irresponsible with money, he could never make it on his own. If I kicked him out, he would be homeless. What else can I do?”
~ “Every time I’ve tried to talk to her about her addiction, she’s gone on an even worse binge, and I’m afraid she will overdose.”
~ “I know I shouldn’t have paid for his lawyer after the third DUI, but if he went to jail, he would lose his job, and we rely on his income.”
~ “Every time she and her boyfriend fight, she crashes here. I let her because I know he can be violent, and I don’t want her to be hurt.”
~ “If I don’t get the emails, he will miss them and lose his scholarship.”
~ “It is my fault she is in pain, so I must do whatever she wants.”
~ “If I can’t change what he did, at least I can limit the damage.”
~ “Maybe he will wake up and come to his senses.”
~ “Maybe I just need to find the right treatment for him.”
Consequences of Enabling
~ Enablers detest the behaviors of the enabled, but fear the consequences of those behaviors even more.
~ They are locked into a lose-lose position in the family. Setting boundaries feels like a punishment or abandonment of the pe
Released:
Apr 21, 2018
Format:
Podcast episode
Titles in the series (100)
012- What are Co-Occurring Disorders and How Do They Impact Treatment Part 1: Many people struggling with addictions also have mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Likewise, many people with depression or anxiety may have an addiction. We refer to this as a co-occurring disorder. Some people will try to argue that s by Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes