Betrayal: The Dark Side of the Moon

END

DOMESTIC BLISS

When I looked up and saw the time, my heart did flip-flops. I’d been reading Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. My hands trembled trying to chop the onions. There was barely time enough to put the meatloaf in before Bob got home. He expects his dinner to be on the table by the time he washes up and changes his work clothes. I try to fulfill his wishes. He works hard at his job—it’s the least I can do.

By six Bob wasn’t home yet. He sometimes dropped in at the Angry Bull for a few beers with the guys after work. When that happens, I have to keep his dinner warm without letting it get dry. Once I asked him if he could give me a call, so I could delay the cooking. This made him angry and asked if I wanted to put a collar and leash on him. I burst into tears, but that night he was particularly affectionate, and I knew he’d forgiven me.

At seven I heard the car, so I turned on the oven and unwrapped the meatloaf from the foil I used to keep it moist. By the time he gets out of the shower it should be warm.

As soon as he came in, he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and kissed me on the neck. He reeked of beer. I had to fight the urge to turn away. That would really upset him. His anger strikes like a cobra.

Dinner ready?

Will be by the time you get out of the shower.

He wove an unsteady path to bathroom and muttered a That’s my girl.

After cleaning up, I ran my hands down the front of his shirt and leaned over to kiss him. How about going out for a few drinks and a little dancing at the Roadway Inn?

He pushed my hands away, and his shoulders became rigid. Jesus H, Gayle. Do you have any idea how hard I work? You think driving a crane five or six hours a day leaves me wanting to go dancing when I get home?

I know you work hard, honey. I thought you might be up to it. I’m sorry.

He stood and pulled me to him, his breathe burning into my neck. One thing I’m not too tired for—taking care of my baby in bed. And that’s where we’re headed. He laughed and gave me a slap on the rear and maneuvered us towards the bedroom.

Wide-awake I stared at the ceiling. Bob was snoring extra heavy from the beer. I rolled over and covered my ears, trying to muffle the locomotive next to me. Tomorrow at six o’clock in the morning, I’ll be up, making the coffee, frying eggs and bacon, and packing a lunch of cold meatloaf sandwiches. With a peck on the cheek, Bob will be off, and I’ll begin my day of polishing and scrubbing an already pristine kitchen and planning the evening meal.

I may need to go grocery shopping, but I’ll be home in time to finish Faulkner. This is my day, day in, day out. Everyone once in a while I wonder what my life might have been after high school graduation, if I’d accepted that scholarship instead of a wedding ring.

Bob got home at five today—right on time, and I barely had the mac and cheese ready. Funny, I have this anxiety even when things are on schedule. As we were eating dinner, Bob had this quirky grin on his face, a kind of smugness. So why are you looking like the proverbial cat and canary?

A flash of anger crossed his face. The cobra strikes.

What the hell does that mean?

I took a deep breath. Oh, you know—like a slyly… I had to be careful here. I groped for the right words. Like the contented cat that ate the canary.

He shrugged a gesture that dismissed my stupidity and heaped a second helping of macaroni on his plate. As a matter of fact, I am in a happy mood. I’ve had some good news.

I smiled dutifully. What’s the good news?

The company has a contract to build an apartment complex in Henderson, Nevada. I’ll be there for a while.

I froze, fork in mid-air. Henderson?

Yeah, Henderson. You got a problem with that?

I lowered my head. No.

Ah, come on Gayle. I don’t even know if Marge is still there. We’ve been gone for five years.

I dredged up a smile. I know. It was just a surprise. I mean, what a coincidence that you should be sent to the town where your ex lives.

So Marge conspired to get Coleman Builders to hire a California construction company just to get her ex back in town?

No, of course not. Don’t be silly.

So now I’m silly? The cobra struck again.

No, I didn’t mean that. I mean you exaggerated… careful here Gayle, to make a valid point.

Bob leaned back in the chair and shoved his empty plate away. I guess I should be flattered that you’re still jealous after six years.

I lowered my eyes but forced a smile. Yeah. It was just a surprise. And you’ll be gone for so long.

Bob stood up, moved to my chair, and mussed my hair rather roughly, not an affectionate gesture I particularly like.

Well, it’ll be good money, Babe. You should be happy.

Any chance I could go along?

Zing—the cobra strikes. Now that is really stupid. All the guys will be holed up in a Big Six Motel. It won’t be the Hyatt Regency. And what would you do all day—read those silly books you’ve always got your nose in? He had me there. It’s true I read to escape the boredom. And I admit it—my loneliness. Sometimes I can go for days without talking to another person. I whispered, True.

Satisfied he’d won the discussion, he moved on. So. Did you make dessert?

Yes, a lemon meringue pie. You want coffee?

A look that withers. Don’t I always have coffee after dinner?

Two weeks later. Bob packed to leave for Nevada. I had just laundered all his sox and underclothes and laid them on the bed beside his open suitcase. I notice he’d packed several pairs of dress slacks and shirts along side his work clothes. I didn’t point this out. Better to keep the cobra coiled.

Bob, I thought I’d look for a job while you’re gone. It’ll give me something to do.

He smirked. Oh, really. And who’s going to hire you? What is it you are capable of? A computer expert maybe? An accountant at B of A?

I forced a little laugh. I know. I’ll have to see what I can do.

He hefted his closed suitcase off the bed and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. Okay Babe. But don’t make too much money. He laughed. I wouldn’t want us to get into a higher tax bracket.

I haven’t cooked a meal since Bob left. It’s been pleasant. The leftovers are gone, so I’ll go out for dinner tonight, some place nice, where I can be waited on. I’ll just sit back and let a waiter refill my coffee and bring me some elegant dessert. A chocolate mousse would be nice.

Sebastian’s was just the place. It was elegant without being so up-scale the prices were outrageous. A very attentive waiter led me to a small table, covered with a pink tablecloth. He handed me a wine menu and asked if I’d care for wine. I started to say no, but then I thought—why the hell not? I nodded yes.

Red or white?

Oh, um… I was taken aback by the question. I recovered. White, please.

House? It’s a Chardonnay.

I was beginning to feel uneasy. I lowered my voice. Fine. But then the waiter gave me the most pleasant smile and said I’d made a good choice. My whole body relaxed, and I sat back in the plush chair, feeling much more comfortable.

The pork loin was tender and tasty. The little red mashed potatoes were really good. They’d left the skins on. I wanted to try that once, but Bob didn’t approve. My attentive waiter returned, dessert menu in hand. They didn’t have chocolate mousse, but a chocolate cheesecake did just fine, with coffee, of course.

At the register, a woman met me with a big smile. She was fortyish, with black hair pulled back tightly and wearing outrageously large gold earrings and a dress covered in enormous orange flowers. I admired her self-confidence. As I turned to leave, I noticed a sign in the window, waitress wanted. Without thinking it through, I stopped and turned back to the lady.

Is the job still open?

Her large brown eyes opened wide, and she grinned. It sure is. You interested?

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Yes, I might be.

Had experience?

A sinking feeling in my chest. No. None. I had gone straight from high school to domestic bliss. Well, almost. We had to wait months, until Bob got his divorce final from a wife I hadn’t known existed.

I think she saw the disappointment in my face.

Well, I’ll bet you’re a fast learner. And you’ve got the looks—the customers will love you.

My heart was doing pitter-pats. I’d like to try.

When can you start?

I was almost faint with excitement. My hands trembled.

Tomorrow?

Great. Get here by eleven.

I actually got there early. I could hardly sleep in anticipation. My stomach did a dance, and I barely held down my coffee and toast. The woman with the big earrings turned out to be the owner. Her name was Felicia. She showed me around, and, mercifully, didn’t expect me to wait on tables the first day. I just followed her, watching. Later in day the young man who’d waited on me came in. He works the late shift and seemed pleased to see me. He told me to call him Scotty. I felt I was going to be happy here.

That night my feet ached, and I was exhausted, but content. I wanted to call Bob and give him the news, but I hesitated. I’ll wait a few days to make sure it is going to work out. He’d never let me forget, if I got fired in the first week. I’ll wait until he calls. I took a hot shower, fell into bed, turned off the lamp, and was asleep before the light went out. Well, it felt that way.

After a week I was completely at ease on the job. It helped that everyone was so friendly. I was amazed at the tips—on the weekday I pulled in forty or fifty bucks, and on the weekend even more. I got a shoebox to store the money. Every night I counted and recounted. It was the first money I’d ever earned. I didn’t even know how to write a check. Bob handled that stuff.

He called after two weeks. I had tried to get him on his cell, but he never responded. I asked why he hadn’t answered my calls. He was annoyed. Christ, Babe. I’m working all day, and they’re requiring all kinds of over-time. At night I fall into bed like I’m dead.

It’s just that I miss you. I can’t get used to the empty bed.

I miss you too. So what have you been up to? He laughed, Not out dancing I hope.

My face flushed in anger for some reason. Would you care if I had?

A chilling silence. After a moment he snarled, What the hell does that mean?

Be still cobra. I’m kidding.

You running around on me?

Oh, Bob, of course not. Actually, I’ve been working. I have a job.

Another long silence, as chilly as the last. A job. Doing what?

I’m a waitress at Sebastian’s. I quite like it.

The snarl returned. You don’t have to do that, you know. Don’t I take good care of you?

Of course you do, Bob. But I needed something —I’m alone so much.

When we hung up, I felt as though a black cloud had drifted over me, like the woman in that depression commercial. I thought he’d be happy for me—proud that I was doing something. I had a hard time falling asleep and twisted the bed sheets into knots.

Monday was my day off. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I went to Sebastian’s for lunch. Felicia had a cup of coffee with me. She was so easy to talk to.

The following Sunday evening, I decided I’d do some laundry and cleanout the closet in the bedroom. Bob had left his Levis in heap on the closet floor. I turned the pockets inside out to make sure he hadn’t left any dollar bills in the pockets. A slip fell to the floor, and I bent to pick it up. It had a number scribbled on it. I