The Firefighter Family Academy: A Guide to Educate and Prepare Spouses for the Career Ahead

Introduction

Everyone is fascinated by firefighters. Whether it’s your husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister it’s easy to be proud of their profession. Firefighters symbolize a true hero in the eyes of millions. Community members wave to them when they drive by, kids want to be them when they grow up, and there are action figures, cartoons, and pajamas depicting what it is they do for a living. It’s why us spouses are proud to sport the famous decal on the back of our cars signifying that we are part of the larger firefighter community. Being a firefighter wife myself, I have come to realize that people are ALWAYS interested in what my husband experiences at work. They ask me questions in awe. In fielding these questions it became clear very quickly that what people tend to be less interested in is how the career impacts the firefighter’s family. Those not attached to the career often don’t understand how difficult it can be as the spouse of a firefighter. My immediate family actually consists of multiple law enforcement officers. Marrying a firefighter seemed like it would be an easy adjustment. Many of the challenges were all too familiar including odd hours, missed holidays, complete pride in the service of my family member balanced with the anxiety of what danger each shift might bring. But I learned more than I anticipated during my first years as a fire wife. I have a doctorate degree in psychology and I am a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of California specializing in work with children and families. My mission to help improve the lives of emergency responder families began early in my career. I completed my graduate school dissertation research on the impacts of police work on law enforcement families. I went on to complete my postdoctoral training by providing therapy to law enforcement personnel and their family members in a private practice setting. Currently, I work fulltime in a managed care setting where many emergency responder families seek therapy services for their children. Upon entering our marriage, I was lucky enough to already have the personal experience of the emergency responder family lifestyle, an understanding of the research on the emotional risks involved, and knowledge on the challenges families of emergency responders face. I have since learned about firefighting culture and the career in general. There is no doubt that the information I brought to this marriage has served our relationship well. In addition, each year brings new experiences as a fire family and my husband and I continue to grow and improve as a couple. We have learned to adapt our lifestyle in ways that have positively prepared us for his long career ahead. I wrote this book in hopes to prepare other spouses for commonly experienced challenges in fire families such as the stress of the academy, the difficult schedule, disruptions to holidays, missed family occasions, stressors of the job, emotional impacts, and more. The largest takeaways for us has been that knowledge and early communication make a world of difference in being a thriving fire family. If nothing else, my hope is that the information provided will promote conversations between you and your firefighter early and regularly about how you will adapt your family and relationship to the ever changing challenges that await you. Welcome to our fire family!

Chapter 1

Fire Fighting 101

What better way to show that you’re supportive and care than to have a full understanding of firefighting!? Over the years I have taken an interest in understanding some of the basics of firefighting, and my husband really appreciates it. I have noticed that it allows him to talk with me more openly about his work, because I show a general understanding. I can share some of his triumphs and frustrations without him explaining every detail. More knowledge about firefighting also benefits me, because as I learn more about what goes on, I worry less. Thinking about movies you have seen, or watching the news can make every call seem like all firefighters are in danger constantly while at work, and that is not always the case. Firefighters spend a significant amount of time training and preparing for what to do in dangerous situations. Making yourself familiar with how they approach tasks can make everything more realistic and less scary.

A Day in the Life

Many people who are not closely connected to someone in the fire service think that firefighters spend most of their time putting out fires. Most firefighters wish this were true! At least the way their eyes light up when they talk about fires makes it seem like they do. The job itself has reportedly changed dramatically in recent decades. The number of fire calls has actually declined, in part due to improved fire prevention methods. In response, fire departments have taken on many new responsibilities including medical aid, rescues, vehicle extrication, and hazardous materials incidents. There has been a tripling in the number of medical aid calls firefighters respond to over the past 25 years. ⁴

When fire crews are not responding to calls, they generally are not just waiting around. Stations traditionally take on a daily routine shared by all crews in order to avoid being sedentary for too long. Though variations are likely to occur between shifts and on a daily basis, depending on responsibilities, the following outline highlights some specific tasks to be completed regularly by some fire crews.

Daily Schedule:

8:00am:

Shift change. Everyone’s individual gear must be ready at the rig for the next call. It’s common courtesy to have it there 15 minutes early to avoid holding over the person getting off shift to go on a late call.

As the shift begins, the crew getting off will pass on important information to the crew coming on, such as tasks that were completed or still need to be completed at the station.

At the beginning of every shift, firefighters are expected to complete a very thorough inspection of the vehicle they will be driving and of all the tools on that vehicle. This usually includes checking all lights, brakes, fluids- all the way to turning on every piece of equipment to ensure proper functioning.

9:00am:

The crew discusses the plan for the day including any scheduled training, obligations, or announcements.

10:00- 11:30am:

This may be when the crew will begin addressing their obligations for the day such as inspections or drills for training.

11:30-1:30pm:

The crew will often use this time for lunch. This includes going to the grocery store, cooking lunch, eating, and taking a break.

1:30-5:00:

This is the second part of the day reserved for obligations such as inspections, online training, drills, etc. There may also be a time reserved in here for an hour workout.

5:00-7:00:

Individuals from the crew will usually make dinner, and they will all eat together.

7:00-8:00:

Dinner clean up and station chores can be completed here, including vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, taking out the trash, doing dishes, and mopping the floors.

8:00:

This is downtime that firefighters can use for whatever they need. If they need to finish up paperwork, study, complete training or projects, they can do so on their own. If they have nothing else to do, they can relax before bed.

What is less known about firefighters is that they are often responsible for inspections for every business and fire hydrant in their area, and educating the public on desired topics. They also have mandatory certifications and training they maintain online. The schedule above can outline a full day if firefighters were to have zero calls. As we all know, 911 calls are unexpected and can come at any time throughout the day. So imagine getting settled into your routine for the day and then your station receives 4 calls or more. One call can last anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours, depending on the nature of it. After every call, each captain (and paramedic if the fire department has them) has paperwork to fill out about what happened. Paperwork needs to account for every step that was taken at the call. Every supply and medication used needs to be accounted for, and decisions need to be justified. This paperwork can also take anywhere from 15 minutes to 1 hour following a call. Luckily, the responsibilities of each station are flexible with timelines to account for the fact that there may be days when a station may not get any additional work done beyond running calls. Other stations, or other shifts at the same station, may not see any calls in one day. In that case, they can take on additional tasks. Stations share many responsibilities with the other crews at their station. This highlights the importance of relaying information to the following crew coming on regarding what was accomplished and what still needs to be completed.

The fire service has many routines, from how each call is run, to when they eat each day. Sticking to a routine appears to serve multiple purposes. The first is that mistakes are the enemy at any emergency responder’s job, because small mistakes can mean life or death in many situations they respond to. Having highly practiced routines ensures that fewer mistakes happen. The second purpose of a routine or schedule is efficiency. Firefighters work in crews, and everyone has different productivity, motivation, and organization. It is likely that a crew would be less efficient at completing necessary tasks if everyone in the crew was left to make their own schedule for the day. If everyone is doing the same thing at the same time, the captain can account for tasks completed. This encompasses everything from whether the rig was thoroughly checked, to whether everyone has eaten lunch.

Spouse’s Guide

Getting comfortable with routine and a schedule at work may play out in different ways when a firefighter is off duty. Firefighters off duty can sometimes seem a little lost without a routine. Remember, they often have many more days off in a row than other working individuals, and going from every minute of the day scheduled for multiple days in a row, to no schedule for multiple days in a row, is a big transition. They might arrive home looking to be told what comes next and what needs to get done. If they are naturally motivated, they may get into the habit of making their own schedule for the day in order to feel accomplished. If not, they may look to their spouse for the honey do list as a way to structure their day. For other personalities, the opposite may happen. Firefighters have so much routine at work that when they get home, they may want nothing to do with structure. Paying attention to the way your spouse re-adjusts to home life is important. If your spouse deals with it in a way that works with the family routine, great! If it clashes with how home life goes on a daily basis, there are likely going to be some difficulties around this. This is worth having a conversation about when it comes up. My advice is to be curious and use observations as a way to begin discussing the topic. I have noticed when you come home from work you… Sometimes that is hard for me because … What is it like for you when you come home from work after being in a routine for two days? When both of you have laid out your experiences and feel the other person understands it, come up with a solution that supports both of you. If your spouse naturally craves some unstructured time, make a plan that allows for it right after work each shift.

Even though your spouse will be getting off in the morning time, remember that they may not be ready to go immediately. It may feel more like a Thursday night for a 9-5 shift. Your spouse has been on all week, finally gets home, and just needs some time to unwind until he or she can get into the swing of things. At the beginning of my husband’s career, we noticed we were having a really hard time adjusting to one another, because our work hours did not match up. I worked 9-5. Those weekdays that he had off, he had been home all day without human interaction and just couldn’t wait for me to get home. He had all of this energy when I came in the door. I, on the other hand, had been emotionally on with people all day and wanted to turn it down, not turn it up. The opposite happened on weekends when he got off in the morning. It was early Saturday morning, and I was ready to begin our weekend together. He, on the other