The Dark Side of Nursing

Copyright © 2014 Ingrid Teresa Pryde.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-1239-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-1240-2 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/10/2014

CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Teresa’s Narrative: Early Memories

Chapter 2: The Bully Unmasked

2.1 What constitutes a bully?

2.2 Literature

2.3 The Nature of Nurses / bullying a breeding ground

2.4 The Right Job

2.5 The Office

2.6 Lack of Autonomy

2.7 The Event

2.8 Management Plan

Poem Why Do You Treat Me So?

Chapter 3: Running The Gauntlet

Chapter 4: The Untouchables

Introduction

4.1 Victimisation

4.2 Professional direction of new nurses

4.3 Scenario

4.4 Anxiety

4.5 Research

4.6 Power and its downfall

4.7 Theories

4.8 Harsh words and hurtful behaviour

4.9 Consequences and solutions

4.10 Stress

4.11 Pathophysiological process of stress

4.12 Conclusion

Chapter 5: A New Beginning… And An Old Problem

Chapter 6: Back To Australia

Chapter 7: The Victims

7.1 Staff Meeting, Unexpected Guest

7.2 Meeting with Agnes (team leader) and Jean (educator)

7.3 Meeting with Viola (Manager) Human Resource Manager Mr Nelmes and Jean (educator)

7.4 Disciplinary Action

7.5 Email

7.6 Solicitor’s letter to Viola Nurse Manager

7.7 Inability to attend meeting

7.8 Report to manager in response to accusations (excerpts)

7.9 Formal complaint

7.10 Final Letters

7.11 Investigation: subsequent report on bullying

7.12 Verbal accounts of bullying

7.13 Written accounts of bullying

7.14 Conclusion

Chapter 8: Bullying And The Law

8.1 Legislation against Bullying in the workplace

8.2 Difficuilty establishing bullying legislation

8.3 Europe proactive to create legislation against bullying

8.3.a United Kingdom

8.3.b Australia

8.3.c Canada

8.4 Overview

8.5 The Free World

8.6 Advice by authors with strategies

8.7 Constructive Dismissal

8.8 Power hungry

8.9 The financial cost of bullying

8.10 Conclusion

Chapter 9: Statistics And Characteristics

Introduction

9.1 Types of Bullying

9.2 Incidence

9.3 Perpetrators / Incidence

9.4 Disruption to wellbeing

9.5 Physicians perpetrators of bullying

9.6 Employers held accountable

9.7 Misunderstanding

9.8 Organisational culture responsible for bullying

9.9 Bystanders role in bullying

9.10 Character traits of the victim

9.11 Character Traits of the Bully

9.12 Bullying: worst kind : Murder

9.13 Bullies reoffend

9.14 Conclusion

Chapter 10: Reform And Education

Introduction

10.1 Micro Bully Reform

10.2 Macro-Bully Reform

10.3 Education

10.5 Role play

10.6 Learning Cycle; of Star Legacy

10.7 Strengths of role play

10.8 Scenarios to role play

10. 9 Advantages of role play

10.10 The disadvantages of role-play

Stand Tall

Chapter 11: Self-Differentiation and the Problem of Bullying

Introduction

11.1 Definition

11.2 Challenge

11.3 Differentiation is:-

11.4 Self-Differentiation: A Mediating Factor to Bullying Antecedents

11.5 Differentiated person

11.6 Conclusion

Chapter 12: Teresa Fights Back

An Anonymous Poem Of Encouragement Unknown

Angel Sarah Mclachlan

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to acknowledge each author whose knowledge has contributed to the strength of this book. Their written work has enabled me to increase awareness with an insight, perseverance to establish pertinent legislation and have caused an eagerness to bring to the forefront the crime of bullying.

I would like to commend the victims who have been brave enough to tell their story.

DEDICATION

To all nurses who have been (and currently are being) bullied

To all those victims who lost their lives through suicide in an attempt to cope with bullying

To my two youngest children, Sasha and Martin Junior, who were twelve and fourteen around the time and were exposed to a very distressed mother who was unable to provide the parenting she would have liked to

To Rachel, who at eighteen and needed support with difficult situations she faced, did not get the understanding she needed

To my husband, who supported, listened and was particularly caring through the most demoralising experience I had one June morning

To my two eldest children, thank you for your support and encouragement as well, especially during the period of writing the book

To God, who gave me the courage, strength, insight, and drive to continue the task of writing until it was complete

I decided to write my story on bullying when I felt totally demoralised following all the incidents that took place, particularly one. To head down a legal path seeking retribution would have meant the experience of more anxiety and stress. I strongly believed that writing a book would be therapeutic for my wellbeing. It became a documented report of events that affected my family and me in a monumental way.

In the course of my writing, I discovered that the literature was saturated with recorded events, opinions, and theories to hinder bullying, offer advice, or just report experiences. The strong evidence of its perpetration in nursing and in the adult workplace in general overwhelmed me.

I decided that the best place to start was the classroom. Education and awareness is the best way to deal with any problem. Supported by literature, theories, and legislation (or the lack of it), I chose to take the written journey of culminating my personal experiences together with advice on dealing with the demon that is perforating the work culture.

Supported by strong literature and personal experiences, I created an academic and narrative report, anticipating that the two variances would support each other and make an interesting read. The life-changing experience that takes place following chronic bullying is almost permanent and can possibly change if a different path is explored. I chose to impart the knowledge I gained and the harrowing experience I went through to my readers in the hope of not only helping struggling individuals but also providing a literature-based report that would assist in setting up management of the bully as a subject in the classroom.

It would be my utmost desire that, through this report, anti-bullying tactics are explored and that anti-bullying becomes an elective subject in universities and colleges and students are encouraged to engage in learning the subject.

CHAPTER ONE

Teresa’s Narrative: Early Memories

The second youngest of nine children, Teresa was born in the late 1950s in Bangalore, South India, where she lived in a relatively inexpensive home with her eight siblings. Her eldest sister married when Teresa was two years old.

One of Teresa’s fondest and earliest memories was of her eldest sister visiting the family home. Living in far north of India, in Delhi, meant that her visits were infrequent. Antoinette, her older sister, was a pseudo mum to the five-year-old, and her arrival would usually infuse a whole new excitement and a breath of fresh air into the family household. The little girl loved waking up to the sound of her mum and sister chatting away in the kitchen as they prepared their famous Indian breakfast.

Teresa’s father worked as a fitter and turner for the Indian Railway. This meant that the family enjoyed free travel passes to nearby towns, a real treat for the young family through the early growing years. The excitement was unbearable when quick trips were planned. The railway job also involved transferring to different places, so it was not unusual for the children to be separated from time to time.

Making ends meet was a problem, so Mum worked as a seamstress for nearby British families and, to the delight of the younger children, received special treats from her employers. One such gift was a doll. Teresa loved her dolls, and her earliest memory was receiving one in particular as a gift. Teresa named her Rosie, the ultimate name for a doll with cheeks as pink as a rose. Her mum encouraged the interest and, much to Teresa’s delight, regularly made little dresses for Rosie. Teresa was always extremely excited to get home from school so she could change Rosie’s clothes and prepare her for playtime.

The little girl spent a lot of time on her own, enjoying this solitary life. Some thought she bordered on being a loner. Basically, Teresa was a reflective person, a bit perplexing, one might add. She often gave the impression that she was on another planet. In fact, she was often lost in thought.

One might ask, How far can the thoughts of a five- or six-year-old progress?

She would reflect on how people looked, what they said, and the reason behind what they said. She enjoyed thinking about the general character of people, as it were, from a child’s perspective. Her older siblings often thought this behaviour to be odd. She sometimes seemed to be in her own little world. Perhaps the big family was a bit overwhelming for the growing girl; her quirky personality drew attention to herself. Her siblings would tease her, and she would get upset.

Sometimes, she would think, I am not what you believe me to be, and hopefully, I will prove it to you, one day. Other times she would lash out in anger, which brought a bigger reaction from her siblings, she soon learnt that to control her anger was the best option.

Christmas was the highlight of the year. The very air would come alive. Teresa’s mum would sew new dresses and new shoes would be bought to complete the outfit. In fact, the whole family would be spruced up for that special day. Putting up decorations was another exciting part of the festive season. The crib would be the centrepiece. Teresa’s older brother would come up with fresh and creative ideas each year. The year he grew grass on a tray for the crib was the first—and best—ever. It was an awesome year, as Teresa did not believe he could grow grass indoors. However, when the sprouts began to appear, she was thrilled.

The true meaning of Christmas was honoured in the family home. While growing up, the children were well aware that conventional holiday preparations were centred on the birth of Christ. Teresa’s mum, with great labour, would prepare special sweets. With eagerness and excitement, all the siblings would gather around to assist in the preparations of traditional Christmas treats. The anticipation of the pending Christmas Day would create an atmosphere unique to that time of the year.

Like Christmas all over the world, the family would sit down to a well-cooked meal, but not before attending church and paying respects to the aunties and uncles who lived close by. The special Christmas sweets would be brought out that day, and there would be enough to last a while during the festive season. Traditionally, a week of fun and frolic followed Christmas Day, and it remained a good time to catch up with extended family and friends.

Birthdays were also considered special in the home. The children were always made to feel like it was their exclusive day. Each child took pleasure in not having to do chores on that day (or not being yelled at). As a result, Teresa, the birthday girl, would behave and feel like a princess. In a large family, a birthday was an ideal occasion, a good time to distinguish that one unique child apart from the others and say, Hey, this is your extraordinary day! It worked remarkably well, so much so that Teresa sometimes felt sad as she anticipated the wonderful day coming to an end.

In future years, Teresa would follow the same practice with her own children and look at them with tenderness when they said, I do not want my birthday to finish, Mummy. She sometimes went a step further and gave the child a day off from school. It worked extremely well with the younger children. They enjoyed having special time with Mum, and it gave them a chance to discuss any burning issues they were experiencing at school. It also provided Mum an opportunity to chat and bond with her birthday child.

Teresa remembers reasonably well that historical moment, November 22, 1963, when John F. Kennedy was assassinated. A week or so later, she clearly remembered her mum and sister following the funeral on the radio during the early hours of the morning. John Kennedy was well respected in India, especially the way in which he articulated his speeches. One such phrase, which frequently arose, was this famous quote, Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. The philosophical people of India, who admired his passion and charisma, highly regarded his speeches. The perplexed seven-year-old Teresa was unable to understand why the people around her were shedding tears over the death of a person they had never met. Oh well, he must have been important, she thought as she snuggled under the sheets and tried to get back to sleep. Grown-ups are hard to figure out.

Some years later, she would learn that Kennedy was an important person and the consequences of that fateful day would result in ongoing editorials about that awful event, the assassination of the president of the United States.

All was not pleasant for little Teresa when her family decided that the cost of caring for so many children was proving a financial drain. As a result, her two older sisters were sent to boarding school at a convent in the southern India countryside. Teresa missed her sisters horribly, especially when it came to walking to school. She would cry most days. Occasionally, her older brothers would take her to school if they were free, but the thirty-minute walk to school on her own was the biggest issue she faced. Her mum was unable to accompany her, due to the several chores waiting to be performed for the large family, beginning with getting Teresa’s dad ready to leave for work at 5:00 a.m.

Just after breakfast, Mum would start planning lunch. Teresa did not want to burden her already busy mum with a walk to school. She was determined to manage on her own. She often worried about how her mother worked endlessly—almost all day—in the kitchen, resting only when she went to bed at night.

Teresa was no genius. She was of average to above average intelligence; however, family circumstances and social factors resulted in her academic underachievement. One of the key issues, initially, was that she had to get around on her own. Another was that she had the misfortune of having friends who did not treat her well. One friend in particular sometimes talked Teresa into sharing her lunch in return for her friendship. Feeling intimidated by this girl, she would oblige, however, soon Teresa discovered that the so-called friendship would vanish as soon as the meal was over. Her short-lived friend would team up with another girl to start a fight, mocking, poking fun, and ridiculing the young Teresa for no rhyme or reason.

The bullying lasted almost two years on and off and became a very stressful period for the seven-year old; she was unable to live a normal life and would go home from school distressed on several occasions. Teresa’s mum intervened at times, and the bullying would stop for a little while, but it would re-ignite after a few weeks. Most attacks occurred on the playground or on the way home from school. The girls were obviously taking advantage of the fact that Teresa was left on her own at school. The distressed girl dragged herself to school each day, hating every minute of it. She secretly hoped and prayed it would all end.

One fateful morning, Teresa was on her usual dreaded trek to school when she came to a highly trafficked road that she crossed on most days. On that particular day, she was not feeling very confident. She hesitated when there was a break in the traffic, and that hesitation would soon bring the motor vehicles soaring down the road again. She must cross and soon! The indecisive, hesitant Teresa crossed, but earlier than she should have. There was the screech of brakes and a firm knock to her fragile body, which threw her down onto the road.

Looking up, all she could see was the wheel of a car. Thank God those brakes worked, she would reflect several times in years to come. That was a close call!

A very concerned driver and a few passersby came to her rescue. Thankfully, no major injury resulted from the accident. Shaking like a leaf, Teresa was ushered into the nearby coffee shop, encouraged to sit a while to pull herself together and wait for any delayed reaction before being allowed to resume her walk to school.

I knew that walking on my own was not a good idea, she bemoaned as she continued on her way to school, the reality of the near tragedy beginning to come to mind.

In shock and still shaken, tears beginning to well up, grazes on her knees, and elbows beginning to sting, she walked into class late and explained to her teacher what had happened.

After what seemed a long, tiring day (a waste in terms of learning), she proceeded to go home, taking utmost care when she came to that same busy intersection, the site of her recent mishap. Some good did come from that near-fatal accident. Her parents made sure she was accompanied to school every day. Even Mum took time out from her busy schedule to walk her to school.

The new routine did not last long. Teresa’s sisters returned from boarding school at the end of that year. The bullying stopped, and life seemed to have regained a sense of normality.

Over the course of the next twelve months, it became evident that a career in nursing would be a choice option for eight-year-old Teresa. Coming face-to-face with that fast-moving vehicle was a watershed event for the girl because it prompted her to set a goal for her future. She regularly reflected on that eventful day when the many people at the roadside showed her care. She would like her life to take that direction, to look after the injured and sick. She tucked away these thoughts on the off chance it might just come true. The years rolled by, but her years at primary school would be a period of her life she would never forget.

The convent she attended was average. The manner in which the nuns treated select groups of students left a lot to be desired, and Teresa strongly believed that not coming from one of the wealthier families was an obstacle. As a result, she strongly believed she was subjected to unfair treatment, which caused added distress for the nine year old.

At eleven years of age, Teresa was struck down with the dreaded typhoid fever. The crippling illness meant that education would be interrupted while a strong course of antibiotics was administered in the form of regular intramuscular injections, as practiced in the mid to late 1960s. The two-month absence from school would create major gaps in the girl’s learning, especially math, and she gradually fell behind and found it difficult to catch up. The time away from the classroom during this formative period of learning would leave a phobia and a struggle with the subject. The more involved the topic became, that much greater the strife of trying to pass the subject each year.

Around the time Teresa attended senior primary, her parents split, much to the disappointment and anguish of the younger siblings. The embarrassment was also proving stressful. A split within an Indian family in the 1970’s was unheard of. Her mum began a relationship with another man, whom she was seeing in secret. Her dad soon found out, and as expected, all hell broke loose. While her mum did not cut ties with the family, the impact of her actions was taking its toll on everybody. Even the older brothers were feeling the strain.

Dad stayed on and tried to continue his role in the family. The younger siblings went through a couple of harrowing years, while their dad was devastated and their mum, trying to prove that she was not abandoning the family. The children were torn between the two parents, and they struggled with divided loyalties.

While her mum seemed content in her new relationship, to the young girls, it seemed like she had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Her new partner was not very friendly to the children. He provided the much-needed financial help to the family, but he perpetrated sexual abuse on the younger siblings—Mary and Teresa in particular—leaving the two young ones with emotional scars to carry well into their adult lives. Teresa found it difficult to trust men and struggled to enjoy the intimacies and emotions that should come naturally to a healthy relationship. However, she worked through it with prayer and the help of books and other positive influences in her life. By the time she began the period of courting and marriage, she was able to overcome her dark past.

High school brought a change in terms of her being noticed by the opposite sex, even her brothers treated her like a young girl. The family seemed to have adjusted to the strange existence of Mum living away from home, and Teresa’s eighteen-year-old sister took on the role of managing the home.

Her dad, however, continued to struggle with the separation, which significantly impacted on his work practice. The family once again was facing hardships. To overcome the financial strain and with the intention of continuing their education, the now fifteen-year-old Teresa and her younger sister went to live with their older sister in Delhi. Immigration to the Western countries was a