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    Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Narcissistic Mother or Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother Daughter Relationship Book)
    Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Narcissistic Mother or Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother Daughter Relationship Book)
    Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Narcissistic Mother or Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother Daughter Relationship Book)
    Ebook163 pages2 hours

    Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Narcissistic Mother or Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother Daughter Relationship Book)

    By Karen C.L. Anderson

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    About this ebook

    Transform Your Relationship With Your Mother

    If you liked Melody Beattie's Codependent No More or Henry Cloud's Boundaries, you'll love Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters

    Difficult mother? The best news on the planet is that your mother doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy. In fact, author Karen C.L. Anderson will take it a step further and say, your difficult mother doesn't have to change in order for you to be free, peaceful, content, and joyful.

    Narcissistic mother? You can emotionally separate without guilt. Inspired by her own journey, Anderson's Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters shows women how to emotionally separate from their difficult mothers without guilt and anxiety, so they can finally create a life based on their own values, desires, needs, and preferences.

    Learn through the experiences of others: The book is filled with personal stories and experiences, practical tools, and journal prompts that can be used now to feel better. Anderson compassionately leads women struggling in their relationships with their difficult mothers through a process of self-awareness and understanding. Karen's experience with hundreds of women has resulted in cases of profound growth and transformation.

    Funny and compassionate: This book is about Karen discovering and accepting the whole of who she is (separate from her mother), and making her discoveries accessible to women struggling to redefine their challenging relationships with their mothers. Her writing is relatable, real, funny, and compassionate.

    What you'll learn inside this book:

    • Why mothers and daughters can have difficult relationships
    • How to heal and transform your mother "wounds"
    • How to tell your stories in a way that empowers
    • How to handle the uncomfortable emotions that seem inevitable
    • The art of creating, articulating, and maintaining impeccable boundaries
    • How to stop "shouldering"
    • How to "re-mother" yourself and acknowledge, honor, and meet your needs
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMango
    Release dateMar 13, 2018
    ISBN9781633537163
    Author

    Karen C.L. Anderson

    Karen C.L. Anderson is a storyteller who believes that the truth never creates suffering and that all stories can be told through the lens of truth. She is also a feminist, a writer, speaker, workshop presenter, and blogger who consciously chooses to live her life as an experiment and to view the world through the lens of curiosity and fascination. Her previous book, The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating From A Difficult Mother, is an international best seller, having sold well over 100,000 copies. In another life, Anderson spent 20 years trying to fit her right-brained self into a left-brained career as a trade magazine journalist in the field of plastics (and if she had a dime for every time someone mentioned that line from The Graduate…). She is married to a left-brained engineer and they live in Southeastern Connecticut.

    Read more from Karen C.L. Anderson

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      Book preview

      Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters - Karen C.L. Anderson

      Chapter 1

      Lineage

      Lineage is important. I didn’t just wake up one day and know what I am about to share with you. I’ve been doing my own work for years, and I will continue.

      I’ve read many books and articles. I’ve taken many classes and workshops. I’ve studied and received certifications. And most importantly, I practice.

      My most treasured mentors and teachers are Brooke Castillo, Master Coach Instructor and Founder of the Life Coach School, and Randi Buckley, life coach and creator of the Healthy Boundaries for Kind People methodology.

      Others whose work and art deeply influence me, whose work I read, listen to, practice, reference, and am inspired by include:

      Maya Angelou

      BrenéBrown

      Martha Beck

      Byron Katie

      Iyanla Vanzant

      Dr. Christiane Northrup

      Dr. Shefali Tsabari

      Pema Chödrön

      Debbie Ford

      Bethany Webster

      Lynn Forrest

      Katherine Woodward Thomas

      Additional information about these and other resources can be found in the Recommended Resources section at the end of this book.

      Chapter 2

      A Note to Daughters…and Their Mothers

      One of the biggest patriarchal lies is that of the perfect woman (and it, obviously, includes mothers and daughters). This lie is the cause of so much intergenerational pain, dysfunction, and violence.

      If you are a mother who is struggling, who worries that maybe you are a difficult mother, the good news is that your daughter cannot ease your pain with her validation or her forgiveness. Why is this good news? Because you don’t have to rely on her to feel better. What I wish most for you is the ability to validate and forgive yourself.

      If you are a daughter whose mother was unwilling or unable to be who you needed her to be, my heart goes out to you. I’m guessing that deep down inside, without realizing it, she was terrified of being burnt at the stake, drowned, or stoned (whether literally—like women were centuries ago—or figuratively like they are today) for not being perfect as defined by others. This is collective trauma.

      The unconscious fear and collective trauma can be what causes a mother to become abusive, addicted, or mentally ill…or to simply squash her daughter’s desires to express and be her true self. It’s not necessarily the trauma itself, but rather the belief that trauma is shameful and needs to be hidden that destroys lives.

      So you may be wanting an apology or an acknowledgment that may or may not come. Or you may believe there’s nothing your mother could ever do or say to undo your pain.

      The good news is that your mother cannot ease your pain with an apology. Why is this good news? Because you do not have to wait for her apology to feel better. If you believe your happiness is only possible as the result of your mother’s admission of guilt, she still has power over you. What I wish for most for you is the ability to take yourself on to your own lap and ease your own pain.

      As women we have access to an infinite collective maternal energy that encompasses kindness, fierceness, compassion, and wisdom and it’s that which gives us the ability to re-mother ourselves.

      Take my hand…

      Chapter 3

      Why I Do This, Plus FAQs and an Invitation

      I wrote this book because I spent many years suffering, struggling, and hating myself, all because I had a story about my mother, myself, and our relationship. I’ve been freeing myself from that story ever since. Of all the hard things I’ve ever done, this has been the hardest—and most rewarding, powerful, and liberating.

      That is my number one credential. I have been there.

      So what can you expect? This book is part lessons and concepts and part real-life experience. It’s also part journal prompts and exercises that will help you apply the lessons and concepts and make them real in your own life.

      I suggest you keep a journal specifically for this work. Why? Because writing is powerful and it’s good for you. Writing about stressful events helps you acknowledge, cope with, and resolve them, which has a positive impact on your health.

      Writing also helps you to:

      Clarify your thoughts and feelings. As you get deeper into the book you will understand the difference between the two.

      Know yourself better. What makes you happy and confident? What situations and people are challenging?

      Reduce stress. Writing about uncomfortable thoughts and emotions is the beginning of being able to release them.

      Solve problems from a more intuitive, creative place. Writing unlocks creativity and intuition, and unleashes unexpected solutions.

      Integrate what you’re learning. It’s one thing to consume information; it’s another to act on it.

      It takes courage to do this work. Intense emotions may come up as you make your way through the book. You might find yourself feeling everything from guilt to anger to grief, but also joy, hilarity, and relief.

      How you feel about your mother right now is okay. Although there may be societal, cultural, and family taboos in regard to the emotions we experience in relation to our mothers (especially if those emotions are negative) there are no taboos—or judgment—here.

      The key is to engage with compassionate objectivity and examine yourself with fascination and curiosity, rather than harsh judgment, shame, and guilt.

      To break in your journal, consider an intention for yourself as you work your way through this book. No matter where you are in your relationship with your mother, whether she is alive or not, whether you speak to her or not, consider three things when coming up with your intention:

      How you’d like to feel on a day-to-day basis.

      What you’d like your relationship with your mother to look like.

      Who you want to be and how you want to show up, not just in this relationship, but in the world.

      And remember: this work is more about you than her.

      FAQs

      "What’s different in this book as compared to The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother?"

      In the two-plus years since the The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide was published, several things have happened:

      I’ve received hundreds of questions from women all over the world, some of which I’ve answered on my blog and in my newsletter. I’ve coached hundreds of women around their mother stories. I’ve come to understand the concept of boundaries in a much deeper and more nuanced way and have led Impeccable Boundaries workshops, both live and online. I’ve communicated with mothers who want to have better relationships with their daughters. I’ve explored my own stories on a deeper level and have consciously transformed some that were hurting

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