Charismatized: A Personal Guide to Develop Influence & Have Fulfilling Relationships

Preface

No army can withstand the power of a new idea.

– Victor Hugo

The content of this book is not for everyone. Many have already developed the skills in this book on becoming charismatic. Others may not feel the need or value for having these characteristics. This book however, was written for those who want to have, or want to have more charisma in their personality. It was written for those who want to make positive and exciting changes to their personality, and increase the quality of their life. It is for those who want to achieve a greater degree of self-esteem and self-confidence; for those who want interesting situations and wider range of opportunities available to them. And, for those who want to have more influence, have stronger relationships, and have more fun in their experiences. If you want charisma, or, more of it, then this book is for you.

By no means am I an expert on the subject of charisma. I am not a psychologist, although I have included many ideas and findings that psychologists have discovered and documented. I am and will continue to be a student of the subject. I am enrolled in the University of Charm, so to speak, or simply, Charm U. (I just had to put this in, I could not resist. This should be fun). Everyday there is another opportunity to continue my education in this subject. I feel as though I am a graduating senior in the university and on my way to begin my masters program in this field of study. And, I am here and available to mentor and tutor the incoming freshmen class — those who are interested in gaining more knowledge and experiences in this subject.

So that you understand my development, whatever charisma I have, are results of my undying efforts to learning how to skillfully communicate to others. My efforts are put into trying to get along with others, to find ways to please others, to inspire others, to express my care to others, to serve others, to influence others and to help others. My desire to influence is solely to bring out the best in others. I have worked very hard to develop skillfulness, techniques & behaviors so that I can effectively interact with folks.

I have adapted an attitude to love. As I have learned to love myself I have learned to love others. But beyond that, I have found how to outwardly express this love in ways that others will feel my concern for them. And so, I encourage you to learn to love others as you love yourself. This has greatly helped in heightening my development.

There are times however when I don’t feel loving towards someone as my imperfections in my humanity appear when I see someone being unloving to the point of being rotten. There are many words that can be used to explain rotten but I leave this to your experiences and imagination to understand my point.

I trust the example that Jesus gave as it was recorded in the Gospel of Mark. Jesus answers a question posed by one of the Scribes, asking Him. "Which is the first commandment of all?" Although the Scribe only asked for the first commandment, Jesus made it a point to answer the first as well as the second commandment. Jesus answered him, "The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you should love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater then these." Mark 12:29-31 (NKJ). Jesus’ point here was that our first love is for God and the second is followed by the importance of authentic love for people.

I have invested many years of study towards my personal development. I have read, studied, tried, learned, added and eliminated habits, and acquired new skills in order to enhance my personality so that I may become a more effective person. As a result of this ongoing campaign I have adapted tips from others that I have studied and developed my own techniques, some by trial and error, and others quite by accident.

It has been an exciting journey towards making positive changes in my life and to see opportunities that have and continue to be available to me that would not be possible otherwise. In my presentations and conversations, I often encourage others to develop their own skills that will enhance their own personality and bring more opportunities to them. I understand the value of these techniques because of how my life has been impacted, and I know of many others whose lives have been enriched in the same ways.

The thought of me ever writing a book on this subject of charisma was not my idea. After several friends’ encouragement I decided to take on this project. And, because of writing this book I am now able to share these ideas that have been so valuable to me and also to encourage more people towards fulfillment and achieving their own excellence.

Now, I encourage you to begin your own journey. I want to present you with a gift — the contents of this book. And, with this gift I wish you many things. I wish that after reading this book you will be transformed into a more charismatic person with magnetic radiance, which brings you a more exciting and fulfilling life. During your transformation, you will have many exciting experiences beyond your wildest imagination. I wish that your life reflects riches of someone who is more sincere, honest, friendly, sensitive, caring, sharing and loving. Someone that is strong, confident and radiant. I wish that "It" will bring you more joy and more optimism. May all of your assets, increase. May your relationships become stronger, more intimate and much more meaningfully. I wish that you will attract and influence others, and help them in their own lives. Most of all, I wish you will find this book priceless.

Journey on.

Part One

What is it?

Ask yourself this question: ‘Will this matter a year from now?’

– Richard Carlson, American psychotherapist and writer, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Chapter 1

What’s In It For You?

To be successful, grow to the point where one completely forgets himself; that is, to lose himself in a great cause.

– Booker T. Washington, American educator (1856 - 1915)

In The Beginning

In January 1993, a dear friend, Pat Allison, the Conference Program Director for an upcoming all-day Toastmasters District Conference asked me and another friend to conduct a presentation on the subject of Charisma. The Conference was to be attended by Toastmaster members interested in further developing communication and leadership skills in various areas of their lives. Although we were friends through Toastmasters we had never worked together. I had seen her speak on several occasions and certainly was charismatic. However, neither of us had ever done such a presentation on charisma. I suppose that since Pat had seen our appearances she felt that there was value in our styles and others could benefit from our charisma and presentation on the subject.

Throughout the day of the Conference, there were three classes offered during every hour, which obviously means that there were going to be two other classes conducted at the same period as ours.

We only had a few minutes to set up for our class after the previous lecture had ended. On our way in we passed just a few attendees leaving the room. It appeared that most of the people from the previous class stayed behind. Within seconds we were surprised and overwhelmed to see the number of people that flooded into our room.

We had initially estimated hosting a class of about twenty-five to thirty people but we were astonished to see that in a very short time all the chairs in the room were taken, which went well past the thirty-number. People then lined the walls on the sides and at the back of the room. After those standing spaces were taken others then sat on the floor in front of the first rows of seats. The energy in the room was so thick. It was powerful and exciting. Everyone was eagerly waiting for the class to begin. We later found out that the door was locked shortly after the class had started to prevent others from coming in which would have been a violation of the local fire code. So then, many others were turned away and we don’t know how many there were. I wish that I had an idea of how many more were turned away. The room was ready to set ablaze as it was.

The class was a tremendous success. Both of us were extremely pleased with the presentation. The feedback was surprising and overwhelmingly positive. After the presentation, I was stopped several times by the class’ attendees who wanted to speak with me, and to ask me questions, some, away from the others and in more privacy. Others stopped me to give praises for the way the class was conducted and for my enthusiasm and delivery of the material. I must admit that I had not expected any of this, but it felt great. I was greatly rewarded and humbled by the praises.

Later that week while I reflected on my experience, I realized that this presentation created a lot of excitement and because of the positive responses and the high level of interest in this subject I then realized how powerful Charisma is and its high value in peoples’ lives.

This was further confirmed for months well after the class was presented. I continued to receive phone calls that gave more positive feedback, and requests for interviews, and for bookings to do future presentations for Their groups. The experience was monumental to say the least. My initial goal was to help others and not for any personal accolades. I appreciated the surprises tremendously to say the least.

A Quick Discovery

I discovered many exciting aspects about the subject of Charisma. I also realized that it is in demand, and it is "HOT!" Charisma is like a diamond, precious and rare. It is valuable. It is attractive and alluring. We admire its radiance. And, whether we openly talk about it or not we want to possess it for ourselves.

I recalled one man from my first class who stopped me to speak for a few moments and enthusiastically told me this, "If I can get any more of it, I’ll take it. I thought to myself, Me too!"

Looking Back, My Own Evaluation

When I evaluated the class I thought about many other points that were not covered. I kept thinking that I wished that I had more time to do this and that and to have said this and that. There was also no time to do exercises. I wished we did some. We did not have any handouts to give away. I wished we had some. I wished that I could have shared more but we were only allotted forty-five minutes to do the whole presentation. I felt that the class was not yet completed because I had so much more to give.

My earnestness for the subject did not go away. I have since found this topic to be excitingly fascinating. Lights came on all around me and shined ever so brightly. My enthusiasm continued to soar. Several close friends who too are presenters and trainers know my conviction for helping others towards their own personal growth encouraged me to write a book on the subject of Charisma. The idea was new for me and it sounded exciting and after a couple of days of consideration I made a commitment to write this book so that others may be encouraged to develop skills that will enable them to develop their own charismatic powers.

About This Book - What Are You Getting Into

This is a How To book. This book will demonstrate how to become a more effective communicator, have more influence, develop or enhance self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image, and in the process become a more attractive person – from gaining a more attractive personality. You will have the opportunity to build and maintain many more meaningful relationships. You will be able to identify your natural skills and talents, and learn how to use your own personal style to attain your dreams. You can be the person that you want to be and have the qualities that you have always admired in others.

I believe that almost anyone can become a more charismatic person if they have the physical capabilities and they want to and are committed to doing what it takes. There are techniques that can be learned to enhance almost anyone’s personality.

This book was designed for easy reading. But, I will challenge you. Within, there are exercises and tips that can be easily and immediately applied to help you get started in developing your charisma. This book is arranged in three parts. Part One, deals with identifying and establishing what Charisma is, and to gain some insight into its allure. Part Two, deals with finding out how to get charisma. Finally, Part Three, gives ideas on how to activate your charisma and what to do with it.

This book will explore what this mystical power of charisma is and share ideas that will give you the skills to become a more charismatic person. There will be several exercises that will challenge you to try techniques that will help you to learn and develop new skills. I will also give some tips for you to consider. These exercises and tips will challenge you to change the way that you have done things and change your attitudes towards others and situations, and replace them with new vision, new thinking, new ways of doing things that will produce more positive results and help you to achieve your overall purpose. These exercises will increase your own charisma, and, you’ll be on your way to developing a more dynamic and attractive personality. The exercises will require hard work, lots of energy, patience, dedication, consistency and persistency, and trusting your own efforts to get positive results. You will be putting your ego on the line at the risk of embarrassment through your learning and growing moments. It will be worth the risks because you will develop from the feedback, if you pay attention. There is a payoff — a more dynamic personality will emerge. You will see a brand new you. And, you will have increased confidence while having a lot of fun in your progress and throughout your lifetime.

I will coach you along. I will give you opportunities in which to participate. You will have multiple daily events in which to try what you are taught. It is up to you to participate in the events that will present themselves to you and learn from your experiences. In other words, you will have the appropriate skills to do whatever you want to do. Most of all, your commitment and effort are highly required.

In later chapters, I will discuss Commitments. I will offer points of view about the commitments in our lives and our commitments in the lives of others with whom we make promises. You will see the relationship between commitments to others and character, and how they have a direct relationship on how others perceive you and respond to you. I will discuss Integrity — keeping our word and how important that is in our relationships. Yes, they all relate to charisma. Ok, you may have not thought about the relationship between commitment, honesty, caring for others, and two people that conducted a presentation on the subject? Here is your answer. True charisma radiates everywhere. It projects from in front of a class, in the middle of a group of friends or strangers, from behind a desk, in an interview, during a sales meeting, and so on. But most of all it is in the way your personality radiates and how you have the ability to influence others.

In the next chapter, we establish what charisma is and gain some insight into its mystical powers.

Initially, while reading this book and doing the exercises you may feel that you are spending time reading and working on things that have nothing to do with developing charisma. I have anticipated that these feelings may surface. You must understand that in order to achieve charisma you must comprehend that one does not merely go out and learn to be charismatic. The transformation begins when certain attitudes are formed and particular skill levels are achieved and new traits are added to your personality. One must practice several principals and techniques that when learned and put into practice, one becomes charismatized.

Allow me to explain further. If you want to become successful in an endeavor you must do several things that lead you to achieving the success. You must first have a clear understanding of what it is that you want. Then you must plan, work the plan, make appropriate adjustments and have persistency. You must continually work on improving and refining skills and making sound decisions. Identifying areas of weakness and devising and working a plan for eliminating those weaknesses (and perhaps making it one of your strengths). Focus on your goal and the circumstances and putting yourself in the right place that will help you to achieve your goal. Right? If you do these things you will have a greater probability to becoming successful. If you want to become a scientist you will have to take all the appropriate classes, and spend the necessary time preparing to become a scientist. The principle is the same with becoming charismatic. You must take the necessary steps in order to obtain charisma.

A person becomes charismatic by doing and being many things, and taking on many roles, and doing all of them well; and, being flexible to adjust to the many circumstances that will present themselves and still maintain and display confidence and poise. One cannot set out to find charisma. It is not one thing. It is many things. It is not found. It is developed. It is acquired.

I sincerely believe that just about anyone can achieve charisma if they are committed to achieving this goal. There are combinations of aspects to someone’s development that will create their charm, as you will see in the following pages.

What’s In It For You?

I humbly but proudly confess that I have been called charismatic many times over. I am always flattered and wear this moniker fondly and proudly. I don’t wake in the mornings and decide that I will be charismatic for that day. There are days that I am on, and I really feel it. Other days, things don’t go as positively and it takes a lot to get myself going. On days when I feel it, I feel a higher level of enthusiasm and personal power. I can confirm this just by the way that others respond to me. On those magical days my charisma shines. I may be sitting at the coffee shop, walking in a public place and I get attention, smiles, conversation, and so on. These are Feel good experiences when you connect with others. You can just imagine how well that massages my self-esteem and how good that feels. On those times I feel like I am on top of the world. How would these experiences make you feel? How would you like to have many of these experiences and more frequently? What would it do for you? What if you are able to use it to influence others? You can.

There are other days when I simply don’t feel all that charismatic. Maybe that energy level may be low or I have a challenge needing special attention. On those days, I have to pretend or act As if I am feeling great with high energy. Soon thereafter, my spirit changes and I am back to feeling my Normal self again. I will let you know how to do act As if later in the book.

My purpose for writing this book is to give you access to yourself and to your uniqueness and to develop your personality with a clear purpose. You will have the possibility to become a more charismatic person.

I will share many ideas that you may want to consider entertaining. There will be many opportunities for change and you will be able to try them on for yourself. These techniques and ideas may need tailoring in order for them to fit you, because you are unique. You will have the possibility to create your own brand new mold and develop your own charismatic personality that can only fit your unique personality. There are exciting times ahead.

Let’s go!

Chapter 2

What Does Charisma Look Like?

The more anybody wants a thing, the more they do think others want it.

– Mary Webb, Scottish religious leader (1881-1927)

Charisma’s Characteristics 

We have all known and seen charismatic men and women. They possess an exquisite power that captivates the people that are in their presence. They may be seen in person, on television, heard on the radio and read about. Someone you know may have shared their experience with great enthusiasm of the impact they felt from one of these charismatic people. You and everyone else around these charismatic individuals are drawn to them and are hypnotized under their Power.

We don’t go about looking for these charismatic people they just seem to unexpectedly appear. While in their company, you may not consciously think they are Charismatic, but you are moved by their presence and are affected by their gift of charm. You will immediately begin to enjoy your experience with them. And then, if you come to a point and do consider them as charismatic you may not spend the time to evaluate and identify and to summarize why he or she simply is. You may not be able to put what it is into words, but you immediately and subconsciously experience the it that is in them. A rare breed they are. They attract. They entrance. They influence.

There are charismatic people from various occupations and walks of life. They also come from many nationalities, races and many countries. They come in all ages and sizes. Although they are from many backgrounds these notables have similar traits. Evidence is recorded in history of many people of influence. They have been religious leaders, military leaders, businessmen and women, educators, politicians, human rights activists, entertainers, athletes, coaches, and many others. They seem to arise in times for their people’s needs and they are strong enough to will people to change for the Good.

Later, I will discuss Good as it carries varying qualifying ideas. They have the ability to move people from where they are, often from a circumstance of trouble, to another place where the ground is solid. They do this by giving people hope for better times ahead, safety and better living conditions, a change of attitude, a new outlook, a different perspective, or, by setting an example and achieving new results.

The modern media and the Internet enable the public to know about many more of these influential individuals as we are able to review historical film clips of many of them.

The Most Influential One of All

How could anyone else be more charismatic than Jesus Christ? He is the most famous and charismatic person in all of human history. Note that I wrote is. The Bible recalls in Matthew’s Gospel, the time when Jesus Calls His first Disciples. And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. Then He said to them, Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. They immediately left their nets and followed Him. (Matthew 4: 18-20, New King James Version)

The three main aspects of