Co-Parenting When Your Ex Won’t: A How-To Guide to Changing the Co-Parenting Relationship
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About this ebook
You know you need to start co-parenting. You also know it takes two people to co-parent, so what do you do when your co-parent refuses to work with you? You become the confident influence in the relationship!
By utilizing the steps in this book, you can work to change the co-parenting relationship from one filled with bitterness, anger and resentment to a business partnership dedicated to a common goal - raising your children together.
It only takes one of you to start the changes in a toxic co-parenting relationship. Are you ready to step up and be that positive influence in your co-parenting relationship?
This book focuses on you and what you can do to change the relationship. You'll learn:
• Emotion management tips and de-escalation techniques
• Communication strategies
• Steps to Negotiating with your co-parent
• Tips for dealing with specific toxic personalities
Karen Becker, MA
Karen Becker is a Family Coach who has spent years working with individuals and couples, one-on-one and in groups. Her own experiences as a single Mom and Co-Parent have helped build curriculum, communication techniques and worksheets. She has helped many parents find the humor and happiness as they navigate the unpredictable job that is parenting. She has a Master's Degree in Counseling and applies these skills when coaching clients. Karen can be reached on a variety of social media platforms including Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. For more information, head to www.karenbeckerlifecoach.com.
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Co-Parenting When Your Ex Won’t - Karen Becker, MA
Copyright 2015
Smashwords Edition
Karen Becker Family Coach
www.karenbeckerlifecoach.com
Introduction
Though statistics show that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, that’s not the whole story. If 40-50% of marriages end in divorce every year then that means that each of those newly single people has the choice to get remarried. The divorce rate for second and third marriages only increases from the original and many of them are having children, too. Even though divorce rates look like they’re going down, co-parenting is on the rise. Today, judges are increasing the joint custody ruling in divorce more than they ever were. This means the days of children going to live with Mom only are slowly ending and parents are required to work together. Though there are still many flaws in the family court system, there is starting to be an understanding of the importance of both parents working together to raise children. Judges are said to have a favorable outlook on joint custody even when placement is not equal in an effort to ensure both parents have equal say in the major decisions in their child’s lives. With the increase in joint custody rulings, however, comes a new found need to work with your ex, the very person you divorced in an effort to remove them from your life.
There are more and more books and articles on divorce, building parenting plans and transitions for children, but this book is not one of them. This book is focused on those 10-15% of high-conflict relationships. Whether you’re through your divorce or still in litigation, you need to work with your ex (or soon-to-be ex) for the sake of your children. Over the years, I have seen just about everything there is to see in high-conflict cases and my hope is that this book addresses some of what you’re going through. In the end, my goal is to put an end to the anger, bitterness and resentment that fuels the communication (or lack of) that is currently happening and that you start to build a better co-parenting future. The fact is, as long as you have children with someone, they will always be a part of your life. No amount of litigating will change that because your child is half you and half your ex. If you’ve bought this book, then you are working hard to build a relationship that works for the sake of your children. Good for you!! There’s a great quote that says that you have to love your children more than you hate your ex. Some days are easier than others, but my hope is that your children will always be your motivation to working through the ideas listed here. I also hope you see just how much power you do have in your co-parenting relationship. When used properly, it can absolutely change the face of your current co-parenting relationship. It only takes one person to make a change and, if you bought this book, that person is you!
When you see your ex’s name pop up on your phone, do you cringe? Does your heart sink to your stomach a little as you wonder, "What are they going to say I did wrong this time?" You immediately go on the defensive because you can’t remember doing anything wrong as you answer the phone call or text message. As you read this book, there are many times where I focus on you and what you’re doing. I’ve always done my co-parenting work this way and it usually results in someone asking me why I’m focusing on them and not the person who’s causing all the problems. My goal in this book is the fix the co-parenting relationship and I’m going to use the person who’s willing to step up and do that. If you bought this book, that person is likely you and that means I will focus on things you can change that will result in a better relationship. You’ve heard the old adage that you can’t change a leopard’s spots and while I believe that’s true, I do believe you can change what part of the leopard you have to see. Please remember as you read through this book, that although my focus is on you and how you’re communicating, it’s only to avoid you receiving more nasty-grams, hang-ups, and door slams. You will always be able to stick up for yourself, but this book talks about ways to do that without creating another cycle of bitter messages being sent back and forth. Isn’t the goal to end the cycle and finally move on from the drama?
I’m very passionate about co-parenting. I became passionate about this after my divorce. I asked for the divorce. There was no way we were ever going to work out long-term, but that doesn’t make divorce any easier. We had these 3 wonderful daughters together, which were then and are now always my priority. Prior to my asking for a divorce, our oldest daughter developed an imaginary friend. She said this friend only came out when we yelled. My middle daughter started waking up crying in the middle of the night, every single night. I did research on divorce because I thought it would be bad for the kids, but Dr. Phil’s line, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one
stuck with me. I asked for the divorce and the day he moved out, my oldest daughter’s imaginary friend left, never to be heard from again and my middle daughter slept through the night for the first time in months. Those were all the signs I needed. I never wanted to take the kids away from my ex, but he didn’t have a job and was going to school
at the time. Because his school
was very part-time while and most of his days consisted of playing basketball at the park with 18 year-old kids, we decided that he would be a wonderful person to stay home with the kids during the day while I worked and they would stay in the home they had known with me every night since I paid the bills. We would share weekends. Though he was angry, had me followed many times and broke a work computer of mine, I thought things were