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Oh No She Didn't: The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them

Oh No She Didn't: The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them

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Oh No She Didn't: The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them

valoraciones:
3.5/5 (114 valoraciones)
Longitud:
247 página
1 hora
Editorial:
Publicado:
Oct 12, 2010
ISBN:
9781439169360
Formato:
Libro

Descripción

Muffin tops. Scrunchies. Suntan hose. Slut shoes. Visible panty line.

Who hasn’t had the unfortunate experience of witnessing—or (gasp!) actually wearing—one of these fashion disasters?

The atrocities Clinton Kelly has seen—it’s a surprise he hasn’t gouged out his own eyes. Mom jeans? Fancy fingernails? Tracksuits? In the same straight-talking style that has made TLC’s What Not to Wear a smash hit for eight seasons, the cheeky media personality and author of Freakin’ Fabulous shows women how to outfit themselves with confidence and style as he pokes fun at fashion "don’ts." From the most obvious faux pas (Texas tuxedos) to borderline offenses (peekaboo boobies), Clinton offers detailed and entertaining critiques of our top one hundred sartorial slip-ups. He turns his keen eye to wardrobe, color, cut, cleanliness, hairstyle, accessories, and even posture. And because he loves you, he presents easy alternatives and practical suggestions for creating fabulous outfits that will make you forget you ever wore socks with clogs.

Clinton also explains how to use trends to your advantage at any age, from deciding which ones work for you to understanding how to wear them to keep your look relevant. Because if you’re not comfortable in the sequined mini, everyone around you will know it.

A delightful mix of hilarious dish and expert fashion advice, Oh No She Didn’t will turn anyone from fashion victim to fashionista in no time.
Editorial:
Publicado:
Oct 12, 2010
ISBN:
9781439169360
Formato:
Libro

Sobre el autor

Clinton Kelly is a television personality, style expert, and entrepreneur. He won an Emmy as a cohost of ABC’s daytime hit, The Chew. He also cohosted What Not to Wear, TLC's longest-running primetime reality show, for a decade. Clinton starred in more than 300 episodes of What Not to Wear over the course of ten years, offering honest style advice with a sense of humor. More than one million people watched the popular makeover program every week. Clinton is the author of Freakin’ Fabulous; Freakin’ Fabulous on a Budge; Oh, No She Didn’t; and I Hate Everyone, Except You.


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Cotizaciones principales

  • And remember: A lady bends at the knee, even if she’s very, very flexible.

  • A little shine is great for day, but you need just a touch of it to make an impact. Choose ONE shiny garment, perhaps a sweater with a little Lurex thread in the knit, and add ONE shiny accessory.

  • The key to wearing hosiery successfully is to look like you’re not wearing any hosiery—or to look like you are wearing hosiery.

  • BLACK IS FLATTERING. Not on older or imperfect skin. Black increases the appearance of under-eye cir-cles, wrinkles, blackheads, and facial scars.

  • You may wear jeans, of course. You may wear a denim jacket.  Just don’t wear them together !!!

Vista previa del libro

Oh No She Didn't - Clinton Kelly

Fallback

GALLERY BOOKS

A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright © 2010 by Clinton Kelly

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Gallery Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Gallery Books hardcover edition October 2010

GALLERY BOOKS and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or business@simonandschuster.com.

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event.

For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Designed by Jane Archer (www.psbella.com)

Creative Direction by Megan Lesser

Illustrations by Gant Powell

Photographs by Steve Giralt

Photographs on pages 19, 31, 44, 122, 175, 200 by Pasha Antonov

Line art by Clinton Kelly, Jane Archer, and Megan Lesser

Manufactured in the United States of America

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Kelly, Clinton.

Oh no she didn’t / by Clinton Kelly.

p. cm.

1. Clothing and dress. 2. Clothing and dress—Humor. 3. Fashion—Humor. I. Title.

TT507.K414 2010

746.9’20207—dc22

2010015759

ISBN 978-1-4391-6316-0

ISBN 978-1-4391-6936-0 (ebook)

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO:

________________*

*Write your name here so nobody steals your book! Plus, people will think you were my inspiration and be, like, so jealous.

Contents

INTRODUCTION

THE MOM JEAN

SCUFFED-UP HEELS

FANCY FINGERNAILS

CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL

TATTOOS AND EVENING WEAR

GNARLY FEET

MUFFIN TOP

TRACK SUITS

HAIRY LEGS UNDER HOSE

COUNTERFEIT ANYTHING

LOW BOOBIES

APPLYING MAKEUP IN PUBLIC

PAJAMAS IN PUBLIC

COLORED SUITS

REINFORCED TOE

TRAMP STAMPS AT WORK

CARTOON CHARACTERS

DENIM ON DENIM

HORSE HAIR

SOCKS WITH CLOGS

NIPPING OUT

BLACK ADDICTION

SUNTAN HOSE

TURTLENECKS

MATCHING YOUR MATE

THE MONICA SHOE

TOO-LONG SLEEVES

CONDIMENT COLORS

WET HAIR PONYTAIL

THE WHALE TAIL

HOLIDAY SWEATERS

TOO MUCH CLEAVAGE AT WORK

CROSS-TRAINERS

FRAYED HEMS

MATCHY-MATCHY OUTFITS

RED LIPSTICK

DROPPED CROTCH

BEIGE

FRIZZ

HORIZONTAL STRIPES

SLUT SHOES

GAP IN THE BACK

FIDGETING

GIVEAWAY AND SLOGANED T-SHIRTS

OUTDATED PATTERNS

DOUBLE BUBBLE (OR, THY CUPS RUNNETH OVER)

CROPPED PANTS

PORN MOUTH

FROSTED HAIR

VISIBLE PANTY LINE

FLIP-FLOPS

MIDSECTION CLING

BAD BROWS!

UNDERFILLED CUPS

PASTEL PINK

ATTACKED BY ANIMAL PRINT

CAMEL TOE

THE I GIVE UP DRESS

DATED HAIR

POLAR FLEECE

ANY SORT OF BELLY-BARING SHIRT WHEN YOU HAVE STRETCH MARKS

OLD-SCHOOL POLYESTER

HEAD-TO-TOE TREND HO

SWEATSHIRTS AND THEIR EVIL COUSINS, HOODIES

MUSTACHES

TENTS

DROOPY SHOULDERS

THE LLBD (LAME LITTLE BLACK DRESS)

SCRUNCHIES (AND OTHER CHEAP HAIR CRAP)

PLEATED KHAKI CUFFED SHORTS

DISTRESSED DENIM

SHINE OD

IT’S VINTAGE!

ROOTS

GLOPPY MASCARA

STIRRUP PANTS

PEEKABOO, I SEE YOUR BOOBIES

TINY LOGO BAGS

TUCKING

VISIBLE PIN JOBS

NOVELTY BAGS

THE BOCA SANDAL

ALL SOLIDS ALL THE TIME

PUBESCENT STYLE

JACKETS THAT DON’T BUTTON

THE LITTLE NUBBIN IN THE BOAT

BAGGY BUTT

MATCHING JEWELRY

PLATFORM FLIP-FLOPS

PILLING

MISGUIDED BELTS

BAD POSTURE

STAINS

KOOKY EMBROIDERY

CALF-LENGTH SKIRTS

MINI ANYTHING OVER A CERTAIN AGE

COVERING YOUR ASS WITH AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK

MALL JEWELRY

BLACK PANTS AND WHITE SHIRTS

OPTING OUT

INTRODUCTION

THE ATROCITIES I’VE SEEN

I mean, seriously, sometimes I’m surprised I haven’t already gouged out my own eyes. Truth be told, I did come pretty damn close once. I was in Pittsburgh, at the airport, or maybe it was Cincinnati. Doesn’t matter, really. There I was, just minding my own business, reading the newspaper and waiting for my flight to board, when a couple of women approached me.

Are you Clinton? one of them asked.

This question always kind of bugs me. You know it’s me. Just say hello and go back to your quadruple mocha latte. Yep, I replied, and looked up to see two of the most horrific outfits imaginable. Both women—both—were wearing horizontal-striped turtlenecks tucked into high-waisted Mom Jeans with white cross-trainers.

We love your show! said one.

We watch it all the time! declared the other.

I smiled and said thank you, because I’m a gentleman. But inside my little head, I screamed to the heavens with all my might: Why, God! Why do you hate me so much!

Maybe I get a tad exasperated from time to time, but certainly you can understand why. I’ve spent the good part of a decade explaining, with as much patience as I could muster, why you shouldn’t pair socks with sandals, why you might want to avoid tube tops after the age of forty, why elastic-waist pants are evil incarnate. But, evidently, not everyone is listening.

Still, I continue on with my mission to make America a more beautiful place. I’m like that Native American dude from the commercial who cries when he sees people litter. Except, I’m not crying. It’s more like I’m laughing at you. In fact, he’s laughing at you too. We’re having gin and tonics right now, and I was just telling him that your outfit was revolting. And you know what he said?

And how.

And how! Couldn’t you just die? I almost peed my pants a little.

the mom jean

I was recently nursing a hangover on the couch and flipping through the TV channels, when I stumbled upon The First Wives Club. And after about a half hour of watching it, I realized two very important things. First, this is one of the worst movies ever made. I mean, seriously. The script is a steaming pile of pure poo. And second, Diane Keaton should stop shaking her head so much. She’s going to give herself a goddamn concussion.

But I also noticed that Elizabeth Berkley’s character (a mindless twit whose name I couldn’t bother remembering) was wearing a pair of high-waisted, light-wash, tapered-leg jeans! That chick had a rockin’ body and even her rump looked as wide and flat as a trash-can lid. It blows my mind. That movie was made in 19-freakin’-96 and women across North America are evidently still using it as a style guide.

Listen to me, ladies, and listen well; I’m only going to say this 27,352 more times before my career is over: Instead of the Mom Jean, go buy a pair of dark-wash trouser jeans. They should rest about an inch below the belly button. They should also hang from the widest part of the hip, straight down to the ground. Hem them so that they are about a quarter of an inch off the floor. Then, throw your old jeans into the biggest, most raging, blazing fire you can find.

Thank you.

Fallback

scuffed-up heels

Look, I don’t know how much information your brain can accommodate, but I need you to clear out a little gray matter for the following concept:

The Shoe always, always, ALWAYS, sets the tone for an outfit.

Think about that for a minute. It’s deep. It’s the reason nuns don’t wear stilettos and strippers don’t wear orthopedic shoes.

You could be sporting a five-hundred-dollar haircut, flawless skin, an Italian silk blouse, a fierce Dolce&Gabbana pencil skirt, and a diamond the size of Rhode Island, but if you do it wearing chewed-up, gnarly heels, people will think you’re a slacker. Seriously, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen women wearing shoes well past their expiration date, and there’s this sloppy, careless vibe that clings to them. It’s a little like, "I sleep on a mattress without sheets, I have

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Lo que piensa la gente sobre Oh No She Didn't

3.7
114 valoraciones / 22 Reseñas
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Reseñas de lectores

  • (4/5)
    I thought it was pretty hilarious. even if you just skim it.
  • (4/5)
    insightful and entertaining- looking forward for more practical style tips
  • (3/5)
    Not the best read I've gone through it feels very quickly cobbled together, lots of mistakes. Good bit for information but I could have done without the snark and bitchiness.
  • (2/5)
    Fun, but too obvious. I didn't learn much while reading it.
  • (4/5)
    Clinton has a great sense of humor! This book had me laughing and cringing (because let's face it--we all have committed some fashion faux pas). I really miss his fashion tips and I am amazed at the women who don't know (even my husband does), "color, pattern, texture shine"!
  • (5/5)
    I don't watch his show, what not to wear but I fell in love with Clinton Kelly after reading this book. I'm still using a lot of the rules in here. especially when shopping. does this shirt fit with two other things in my wardrobe? read this first a year ago and this is my second read.
  • (4/5)
    Good, quick, relevant and humorous read. Good advice.
  • (3/5)

    Esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

    Started off real well - very actually but half way of the book it's pretty much the same and doesn't tell much.

    Esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

  • (3/5)

    Esto les resultó útil a 2 personas

    All right. A bit dated.

    Esto les resultó útil a 2 personas

  • (4/5)
    Mr. Kelly's personality really came through in his book. I would enjoy meeting him in person, as long as I knew about it well in advance, and could get my outfit that day up to his standards.
    I'm a fan of the WNTW show from its early days, and this book is more of the same, with sharper zingers at fashion offenders than allowed on broadcast television.
    That being said, the fashion critique and advice given is solid and informed. I hoped to be able to use a few tips to upgrade my approach to personal style, and I was not disappointed.
    Mr. Kelly's snarkiness and stressed-out-ness at times was annoying, but considering I read the book in one sitting it might have been better in smaller doses of several chapters over a couple of days.
    Definitely recommend for a fun look at how to improve and update your style.
  • (5/5)
    I'm bringing this book to the salon where I work. It's humorous and very helpful for people who are clueless about appropriately dressing.
  • (4/5)
    Loved it! Useful info and lovely writing. Easy and fun read
  • (3/5)
    nice book!
  • (1/5)

    Esto les resultó útil a 2 personas

    it's just one guys opinion

    Esto les resultó útil a 2 personas

  • (4/5)
    I agree with about 90% of this, especially his hatred of flip flops, "I-give-up" dresses, and people who wear pajamas in public.
  • (3/5)
    Mr. Kelly gets 5 stars for snark, but -2 for his regrettable insistence on empire waists.
  • (3/5)
    Fashion and life advice presented with a tasty layer of snark, this is a light-weight little book that I read in under 2 hours while occasionally interrupted to do other things. No challenge to this (unless you are doing some of Clinton's no-nos) but it was fun. With no insult to Clinton Kelly, who I do sort of like and have spent many hours watching on TV, I picked this up in large part because it was half price.
  • (4/5)
    Completely irreverent, funny and a bit off-color, Clinton Kelly dishes on what not to include in your wardrobe in Oh No She Didn’t. Each page is filled with humorous pictures of how we shouldn’t dress and contains a rule along with a snarky explanation.Most of the rules in here are common sense (or at least most of them should be). The rule about not wearing flip-flops outside of the pool or the beach gets a big “Amen!” from my corner. I remember going to the store and looking for sandals for my sons a few years ago and finding an entire aisle of flip-flops and not a single true pair of boy’s sandals. I couldn’t believe that flip-flops had become the default summer foot-wear.Some of the other no-no’s from the book include: mom jeans, crazy painted fingernails, horizontal stripes, clogs with socks, and cartoon characters. Okay, so I didn’t pass with flying colors. I was actually wearing my favorite Mickey Mouse sweatshirt while reading the book, and I’m sure Clinton would pass out if he could see the pile of horizontally-striped clothing in my dresser, but at least I don’t wear white socks with my black shoes anymore.Oh No She Didn’t was a lot of fun to read and has some entertaining fashion advice. If you’ve seen a lot of What Not to Wear episodes then most of this will be old hat, but that being said, you’ll probably still love it.
  • (5/5)
    With Clinton Kelly's voice talking to you as you read each page, it feels like you could be on What Not to Wear with him telling you each of these things. I love the silly photographs for each fashion mistake and the "hand written" notes from Clinton. A great, funny and fast read to help any woman combat her fashion mistakes!
  • (3/5)
    Clinton Kelly, from the TV show What Not To Wear, has put together an easy to read book detailing very common fashion mistakes. Really easy to read--each mistake is given a full color picture with a short write up on the facing page. Most of the advice should be common sense, but alas, some women need to be told to not let their pants hems drag on the ground. I'm guilty of one of the fashion gaffes discussed, and have gathered up some pants of mine to be altered, as they "gap in the back".
  • (5/5)
    Hilarious! If you love Clinton Kelly on television's What Not to Wear, you'll love him even more after reading "Oh No She Didn't". Addressing important fashion topics like bad brows, camel toes and low boobies with snarky, hilarious advice, Kelly is both entertaining and informative. I had more laugh out loud moments with this book than any I can remember in recent history.
  • (5/5)
    SO FUN!!! Clinton Kelly is hilarious.