I Suck at Girls
4/5
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About this ebook
From the #1 New York Times bestseller author of Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern, comes a laugh-out-loud funny and deeply touching collection of personal stories about relationships with the opposite sex, from a first kiss to getting engaged and all the awkward moments in between. Fans of biting, honor-infused memoirs such as Me Talk Pretty One Day and Assassination Vacation will find Halpern’s I Suck at Girls an unforgettable journey into the best and worst moments of one man’s adventures in romance.
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."
Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend.
"You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe."
But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.
I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.
Justin Halpern
Justin Halpern is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says, inspired by his massively popular Twitter feed. SPOILER ALERT: He lives with his wife in Los Angeles.
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Reviews for I Suck at Girls
301 ratings28 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book is hilarious.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Good continuation of the story that began in Shit My Dad Says. This book was a bit darker & more introspective than My Dad Says. Lots of back story so we can see how Justin grew up and became Justin. Still plenty of stuff his dad says in this one-I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughter many times! If you were a fan of the first book then you will enjoy this one but I did want a little more of Dad and less of Justin and his angst & anguish over making life decisions.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The most entertaining parts of this book involve none other than Justin Halpern's father. That man is hilarious, wise, and foul. While Justin's experiences are good to read about and well written, his father just overshadows everything. You find yourself slogging through what should be a good book, just to get to what his dad thinks about it. So, a good read, but not as good as Sh*t My Dad Says...
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This is Justin Halpern's follow-up to his hilarious Sh*t My Dad Says. While not as funny, I Suck at Girls does have its moments. Dad is in rare form, with such pithy observations as "you look like a penguin with AIDS," when his son goes to his senior prom wearing a two-sizes-too-large tuxedo.Halpern gives us a look at his efforts to get somewhere with girls - an endeavor he apparently did really suck at. He also shares stories about growing up in America - teenage angst, getting a driver's license, finding a job, going to college, and all the other traditional rites of passage kids have to go through.The book is very amusing, though not always laugh-out-loud funny. It does have its moments.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5There are parts of this book that are screamingly funny, other parts that are howlingly hilarioius, and yet other parts where I got looks from my fellow commuters for my guffaws. I know why I relate. I sucked at girls and was a huge dorkwad myself (still am, but I'm married and the geeks have inherited the earth). It is a pleasure to discover this guy at the beginning of his career, and to keep pace with him. I honestly can't wait to see what he comes up with next.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Justin Halpern....Isn't he the guy whose dad...? Yes, this is the second book from Justin Halpern, who shot to fame when he started a twitter account sharing his father's wisdom - sh*t my dad says. It snowballed - a best selling book and a television show followed. And, yeah his dad is pretty funny. The fun continues with I Suck at Girls as Halpern details his passage through the birds and bees, adolescence, dating and ultimately marriage. All of course with a good dose of fatherly advice. I was glad I chose to listen to this latest offering in audio format. Sean Schemmel was the reader. He has a very expressive voice. His 'Justin' voice was perfect - by turns, innocent, incredulous and always with great inflection. The 'dad' voice was also great - gravelly with lots of ' are you getting this down' in the tone. Honestly, Justin and his dad are truly funny. I found myself laughing out loud many times. (I often listen to audio books at night in bed - hubby can't stand the light. He did think I was going a bit loony breaking out into laughter in the dark!) But along with the humour, there is a lot of truth in the situations Justin finds himself in. And although lots of Dad's comments are caustic, biting, and foul mouthed, he does come up with some good common sense advice. Looking for a fun book for that summer car ride? Pop this one in the player.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was incredibly funny! I stayed up very late last night reading a huge chunk and then I finished it over breakfast this morning. I love when a book is so funny that I feel the need to poke my husband while he is sleeping and read him portions of it (although I doubt my husband likes that!)I would really like to look into Shit my Dad Says now because I think the dad is the best character in this book! Just about every great quote include a lot of curse words though which for me makes it funnier but for some people might be a turn off!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Justin Halpern, of "Sh*t My Dad Says" fame, is back with stories of his failed attempts to win over the girls. Though he's a good writer and there were quite a few laugh-out-loud moments, the quotes from his dad were still the best part of the book. I didn't think this one lived up to the hilarity of his first book, although I attribute that largely to the fact that I listened to this one on audio. The reader just didn't do this one justice. His impersonations were truly annoying. If you have the choice, skip the audio on this one & go for the words in print.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Well written, funny, fun but short book. I would easily recommend this to others. I don't know how much of it is real, but I hope a lot.
I loved his stories, and gives an anxiety based person like me a lot of hope for the future. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5After deciding to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, Justin Halpern's father suggests that he spend a day thinking about what he had learned about women. Justin does, sharing some of his more amusing exploits, starting with the first "crush" he had and ending with his proposal to Amanda.Although I found myself laughing aloud a few times while reading this book, it simply isn't as funny as Sh*t My Dad Says. Some of the stories are much more awkward than funny, and I almost felt creepy reading about his dysfunctional sex life. It's an okay book, but not up to the caliber of his first.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his best-selling book, Sh*t My Dad Says, based on his Twitter feed where he just wrote hilarious stuff his cranky dad told him. The tweets turned into a book which turned into a TV show that did not do the book justice.In my review of the book, I said that you could tell who in my family was reading the book by the burst of laughter coming from various rooms in the apartment. My adult sons and I loved the profane, funny and yes, touching book.Halpern is back with another gem of a book, I Suck at Girls, about his (mis)adventures with the fairer sex. Once again there is plenty of wit and wisdom from his father, but also lots of heart. As the only women in a family of men, I found that this book gave me a window into the world of what boys and men really think and feel about women.Halpern is a shy guy, and to his utter dismay, still a virgin at the age of twenty. His recounting of his prom night is a sad one, but I bet it's probably closer to many people's experiences than we are willing to admit. High school wasn't a happy time for him, so he was thrilled to be attending San Diego State University ("Harvard, without the smart people", as his dad called it), where he hoped to get a fresh start.About a fifth of his high school graduating class was going to SDSU, so his hope that no one would know him was dashed when he was referred to as "the guy who wears sweatpants to school sometimes." Halpern writes "Ideally, I'd like to be known as something other than that."He and his friend Ryan work hard all summer and saved their money to go to Europe, where they had heard that the girls all want to have sex. They decide to go to Ibiza because Ryan read in a guide book that the parties there are crazy. Along the way they meet a great character, Vietnam Joe, who doesn't speak much English, but manages to get a pretty Mexican girl.Halpern and his buddy get jobs washing dishes at Hooters, and he finally gets a girlfriend. He gets dumped and gets a job at another restaurant and dates another waitress, who is a bit crazy. Finally he meets a woman whom he think she could have a long term relationship with, but she lives in San Francisco.I Suck at Girls is the kind of book that appeals to men and women. Men will read it and relate to Halpern's life. Women should read it to learn about the interior life of men; if you think they are all dogs, you would be well served to read it to learn about just how insecure men are and how much courage it takes to approach a woman.And I love his dad even more after reading this book.I have to give this book a rating of 5 of 5 because any book that makes me laugh that hard and then want to give the poor guy a hug deserves it.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This is Halpern's second book. The first, "Shit My Dad Says" was a runaway hit that I did not read. So I decided to get on the bandwagon early with this one. This book is Justin's ruminations about his various misadventures with women from early life until he proposes to the woman who is now his wife. It's an entertaining book that often leads to laughter and groaning--for both the characters and the reader. Halpern is not shy about sharing his mistakes or the lesser parts of his personality, which adds a vibe of "real" that keeps the pages turning. Fans of his first book will be glad to know that Dear Old Dad features prominently throughout these snapshot moments with his now well-known brand of pep talks and wisdom (generally NC-17 rated for language).
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Justin Halpern has had one of those meteoric rises to fame akin only to the legendary Phoenix's rise from the ashes. After breaking up with his girlfriend he moved back into his parents and from there started the Twitter account 'Shit My Dad Says' which became an overnight sensation and lead to a book deal and a TV show...all because his dad (like mine seemingly) is a belligerent who says the most random shite you ever heard.I hadn't realised he had written the first book (titled on the Twitter account) but after reading this one I will definitely hunt it down soon - unfortunately Waimakariri's District Council's Libraries haven't got it, so if anyone has a copy I can borrow?This tale follows Justin's life sometime after the makeup of before-mentioned ex-girlfriend when Justin tells his dad he is going to marry her...and doesn't quite get the rapturous reception that such an announcement would, or should bring. Simply, his dad told him to 'relive those moments through life in which girls were involved and then if you still feel the same, then go for it...' Or something like that.So as Justin takes us on a journey through his female interactions from aged 8 through his mid-20s, the lanes flip with alarming regularity and raucous laughter as this absolute dunce with the ladies struggles through impressing a girl (with drawings of dogs defecating on her head), to robbing homeless men of their porn, to gropes in the car, to attempting to lose his virginity, and all that normal American stuff in between; college, sports, working in burger joints and the such.While his failure in love is central to the plot, the undoubted star of the show is his dad who steps into frame like jumper leads attached to the testicles, only harsher. How Justin never ended up a babbling psychotic with murderous tendencies is anyone's guess, but one cannot help but love the bloke, and at times I understood that being like him and me is not such a bad thing after all...we might die lonely, but people will always understand why.A top notch read for guys and gals alike, beware the cantankerous bastard behind you!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I received this book as a birthday gift from a friend that has the same sense of humor as I do. She nailed it. This read was funny, witty, made liberal use of cuss words and was also heart-warming and insightful. Basically, an all around great humor book. I've heard some jokes or parts thereof from this writer before, but never read this much at one time. Reminds me of David Sedaris.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I love this book! It's the right amount of funny without trying too hard. Awesome!
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/53.5 stars
I really, really liked Sh*t My Dad Says so I couldn’t wait to start this one. I didn’t find this one anywhere near as funny as SMDS. I did chuckle a little, but LMAO for the other one. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Amusing bit of fluff. Justin's dad supplies much of the humor.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5As funny and insightful as a Nick Hornby novel, only true, Halpern's follow up to Sh*t My Dad Says is everything a reader could hope for in a confessional chronicle about love, relationships, sex, and marriage from elementary school to the proposal.
I wish I could write as well as Halpern... His wit, wisdom, keen observations, and dead-on dialogue are worth every stolen second.
I highly recommend this book for both men and women, single or married. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5adult nonfiction; humor/memoir/love story. Though this one doesn't have quite as many pearls of wisdom from Justin's dad, it does have quite a few funny parts (including some shenanigans of his brother's).
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5It's a nice story, good for guys without balls and timid
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5w
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5bien
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5it's really important
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5totally breathtaking
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5<3
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5ေအာ္စာအုပ္
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I read this book in one day. I couldn't put it down. I liked it even more than his previous work.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The continuing saga of Justin Halpern, almost as compelling as "Shit My Dad Says." Halpern is honest to a fault, revealing personal, cringe-worthy details about his life and relationships that have the cumulative effect of somehow making him a sympathetic, adorable character. He raises self-deprecation to a fine art form. Very funny, real and well-written, "I Suck at Girls" is a fun read with plenty of identifiable moments for those of us who have always been convinced that we were the only ones who felt ill-equipped to be in a relationship. Nice book, and congratulations to Justin and Amanda for finding each other.